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Being an improv show with the best in the field on its panel, you better believe it.

Warning: we do not advise drinking liquids and reading this page at the same time.


UK version, hosted by Clive Anderson:

Stephen Fry (Yes, that one)

 Josie: "Are you going to the Parthenon tonight?"

Stephen (after floundering and being buzzed out): "Could you tell her the Parthenon's in Athens?"

Josie (to Ryan, replacing Stephen): "Is the Parthenon in Athens?"

Ryan: "Would you like to buy a map?"

 Colin: What is it with tea?! I've passed stronger urine samples than that stuff! Now coffee--now THERE's a drink!


Tony Slattery

  • The British version has some really great ones, including some classic Party Quirks. One being where Tony Slattery was unable to guess two of the quirks and, after Clive Anderson noted that this was his worst playing of the game, Tony responded by screaming "Oh, well, F**K OFF!", causing Clive to take away all the points Tony had ever got since then. The other being the Party Quirk where Ryan was a toddler learning to walk and Josie Lawrence was a penis, the actions the two did caused Tony to crack up hysterically.
    • Tony realizing that Ryan's Party Quirk was being a sperm cell. "OH MY GOD NOOOO!"
  • Tony Slattery. Party Quirks. Chippendale.

 Paul: You've come as Tony Slattery.

  • The shortest Credit Reading winner: Tony Slattery as a drunk Australian Soap Opera Actor. How was it the shortest? He walked up to read the credits, raised his hand to speak...and fell backwards onto the floor where he stayed for the rest of the credits.
  • Film Trailer: The Revenge of the Sheep Shearer. "I split my pants, look!"
  • The game of Authors where Tony's style was Rupert Bear. He had the last turn of the round...

 Steve Steen (as Andrew Morton): I tell you, I was so depressed I threw myself and tried to impale myself on Barbara Cartland's eyelashes... (buzz)

Paul Merton (Hello! magazine): Barbara Cartland, can there be a more respected woman in Great Britain? (buzz)

Tony (clearly thinking hard): Barbara Cartland, witch and hag, too much makeup, fascist bag.

    • The best is the blank look on his face while he's saying it, followed by the grin as soon as the buzzer goes.
  • There was somewhat of a Running Gag featuring Tony in the early series. During a game of Props, his partner introduced himself/herself as someone, followed by Tony pretending to throw up into the prop.


Paul Merton

 Paul (to Josie Lawrence): No luck then?

Josie: (grabs Paul while laughing) I'm going to fucking kill you.

 "More women in this prison or we riot!... We want a prettier one!"

    • From the same episode, Paul trying to snort baby powder during Helping Hands with Ryan (and Greg as the hands) scolding him, then smacking him with the baby powder.
  • Whenever Paul and Tony are together in Film and Theatre Styles, you know you're going to experience a trainwreck of insanity. For example:
    • First time together, in Greek tragedy style:

 Tony: The problem is that the builder has been murdered, Off-stage! (laughter)

Paul: Not Stavrost, surely!

Tony: No, Escalus, with a knife, dripping in the Mediterranean sun, he plastered his bricks and died.

Paul: That's rather unlucky in Peckham isn't it?

    • From Season 4:

 Tony: (mimes pouring a pint from a tap as a bartender): Oh, I'll just put the cat down. (puts the "cat" down, while Paul just stares at him) What shall-?

Paul (to Jim and Steve): I can't work with this!

Tony: What can I do you for? Ice in a slicer?

Paul: Hang on, I'll just put down this cactus. (does so) Oh look, I better take this bazooka out of me pocket, (does so) and I'll get out of the helicopter. (does so)

    • In Shakespeare style:

 Paul (speaking in a weird accent): I would like to acquire some of this ale that I see displayed before me in various bottles of various hues.

Tony (incredulously): That's Bela Lugosi! (laughter) So, have you-

Paul: I not know of this Hammy-era Horror actor of which you speak!

Tony: My liege, you're fucked!

    • Season 5 (final episode Paul was in):

 Clive (buzzes): Horror.

Tony: What a horrible suit! (laughter and applause, Paul looks annoyed)

Paul: That's-that's good coming from somebody who's dressed up as Doc Holliday!

      • Followed by Clive interrupting because "this is just lapsing into personal abuse," to which Paul replies, "You shut your face!" Also, right at the beginning of that one, Tony does an over-the-top pleading not to be locked up because he's innocent, prompting Paul to say, "I think you're as guilty as hell!"
    • In Film Noir style:

 Tony: (mimes smoking) Yes, it's interesting the way the-

Paul: Hang on, where'd the cigarette come from?! (Tony laughs) What's all this?! (Mimes Tony's "smoking" gestures) Excuse me while I just get on me moped! (Pretends to ride one, causing Tony to crack up. Does the smoking gesture again. Turns to Jim and Steve) You see that, what's all that?

  • After Paul calls Clive a "Slaphead"

 Clive: (looks at camera) I am sad to announce the untimely death of Paul Merton (laughter) at my hands.

Paul: I lasted longer than your hair did, though, didn't I!

  • The premiere's "Sound Effects" would provide a taste of things to come as Paul decided to mess around with Archie Hahn on the mike - the scene was just "getting dressed" but Paul went on to play with the mirror cabinet, turning on the hot and cold water, flushing the toilet, and even turning on the radio...
  • The Party Quirks game when Clive accidentally hit the buzzer instead of the doorbell.

 Paul: Excuse me, there's somebody at the microwave.


Josie Lawrence

  • The early seasons had a lot of in-between banter compared to the usual, but this interruption of a Film TV Theater Styles stood out.

 Clive: "Now do it In the Style Of a blue movie... maybe you've seen a few (sotto) maybe even been in a few..."

Josie: "Shurrup, me mum and dad am in!"

  • One playing of "Helping Hands" featured Tony Slattery providing the hands for Josie Lawrence as she plays an air hostess. However, he seems to having a little too much fun with his hands (Grabbing Josie's breasts, sticking his fingers in her mouth, making sexual gestures, opening a tupperware box of salad all over the desk) and poor Josie just cracks up while trying and failing to maintain her composure. At one point he picks up a baby doll and smudges it's face with a small cake prompting Josie to say:

 Josie: Oh, and if you've got a baby on the plane, we always like to put... a cake on it's head.

 Josie: Don't worry, honey, relaxo. We won't really be sick, we'll use Paxo.

Mike: [gamely singing his heart out] That's a good idea, what the hell is Paxo?

  • Mike and Josie really had excellent chemistry, not to mention one of the best pair of singing voices, as demonstrated in a love song about a cat litter tray. Yes. Absolutely genius lyrics here, "Whoever thought that feline defecation/Could be such a swell and singular sensation" One of the best Song Styles ever.


Steve Frost

 Tony: But will it wash my sins away as well as my underpants?

Steve: I KNOW NOT!! FOR SURELY I AM A HUMBLE MAN THAT WASHES CLOTHES FOR MY SON!!


Mike McShane

  • Any time Mike is given a game of "Song Styles" or "Bartender" to play, you can bet that he'll deliver the funnies. For example:
  • Non singing example, during a game of News Report (the precursor to Weird Newscasters and Newsflash, Mike plays the roll of Little Bo Peep (in his normal voice), then as Mary Mary, Quite Contrary (with a more feminine voice). As Little Bo, he makes this comment when Josie, as the reporter on the scene, asks what happened with her sheep going missing:

 Mike: It didn’t happen at all! I went out in the back to take a piss, I came back out- (realizes what he just said, cracks up) I don’t believe I just said that! I was out drinking with the sheep.

  • "Don't mess with the Neon Love Chicken!"
  • Mike kissing Tony in a blooper from Season 3, rendering him completely speechless.
  • Mike also kissed Brad Sherwood in a game of "Questions Only" that he essentially ran the table (Colin, on the same side of the stage as him, didn't get one line).

 Brad: Are you going to kiss me?

Mike: Am I going to give you a tongue lashing? Oh, yes! YES! (plants a huge kiss on Brad as the Studio Audience erupts in riotous cheering)

Brad: O_O

(buzz)

Clive: I'm buzzing you out Brad, to spare you any further embarrassment. [Exit Brad]

(Ryan Stiles come in, but only takes one step onto the stage.)

Mike: (grinning) Are you next?

Ryan: ...

(Beat)

{{[[[Screw This, I'm Outta Here]] Exit Ryan}}]

Those other Britons...

  • Griff Rhys Jones and John Sessions act out a silent movie a la Charlie Chaplin. John hands Griff his shoe. He "eats" it. John hands him his sock. Griff literally eats it.
  • Caroline Quentin: one that isn't quite so overshadowed from the shock value, where she and Josie are portraying female Arctic explorers... the first thing they do is complain about the weather and how it's drying their hair and everything.


...and those wacky Americans

  • From the British version there's one "Film and Theater styles" with Ryan and Colin in which they have to do the scene in the Shakespearean style. The look on the faces of Tony and Steve in the background while Ryan says his line is also hilarious.

 Clive: Shakespeare.

(Beat)

Ryan: The sky. The sky behind the door is blooooo.

Colin: Aye, it 'tis blue! [silence]

(Buzz)

Clive: That's the worst Shakespeare I've ever heard! (cracks up) Here, I'll give you something a little easier for you--Japanese Noh Theater.

Ryan: (groans under his breath)

    • Here it is. Enjoy verily.
    • And for added kicks, the Shakespearean line Ryan says? It's in Iambic Pentameter.
  • When Greg and Clive had an argument, you usually knew that you were a very very very very lucky boy and that you had to treasure that memory for the rest of your life.

 Clive: You'll have to act as...hamsters. Yes, hamst-

Greg: What's wrong with you?! Hamsters! Get some friends!

Clive: The hamsters are my friends.

    • Or:

 Greg: When's it gonna end, huh? The aggression.

Clive: When you give us our colonies back.

Greg: His colonies. Clive's colonies.

    • Most of the Clive/Greg arguments involve Clive making a snide remark about America being supposedly too backward to have something:

 Clive: In this scene you're a sports commentator - you do have sport in America?

Greg: Yes, and sometimes we beat the Germans. (audience cheers/boos) It's 'cause we never play them!

Clive: Well, in the war, when you join in... (audience cheers wildly) I don't think the Germans play baseball, do they?

Greg: I'd love to chat, but I'm a little busy doing an improv show.

Clive: Have you worked out what the simple words mean yet?

Greg: Yes I have, Mr. A.

Clive: Jolly good.

Greg: Maybe you're confusing this with your other show where you just talk, talk, talk and never let anyone else. (audience cheers wildly again)

    • Sometimes this backfires.

 Clive: You are in a uh...holdup. That's the only word I know. You have those in America, don't you?

Greg: Yeah. We invented it!

  • Clive inverts this gag for the American audience for the last British series, which was filmed in Hollywood.

 Clive: Suggest a gameshow, like Wheel of Fortune.

Rather unoriginal audience member: Wheel Of Fish.

Clive: I think we have that in England.

    • And again:

  Clive: I just have to explain to the British audience what "ATMs" are. We call them 'hole-in-the-wall machines' in England. (Truth in Television)

  • During the "Sex" Hoedown, Greg opened up with this (with Tony on the end):

  Greg: Oh, I'm a randy bugger, I really get around!/I like to have a shag with everyone in town./I have lots of fun, I'm as happy as can be!/ and that's 'cos my name is Tony Slattery!

  • Also the time Clive needs suggestions from the audience for a global disaster; among other things, the microphones pick up "an asteroid's about to crash into the earth" and "Richard Nixon comes back from the dead." The decision is obvious:

 Clive: There's a jam shortage! Okay, so--

Greg: WHO ARE YOU LISTENING TO?! There's GOLD coming from over here!

Mike: Where are you receiving your suggestions from, British Telecom?!

  • In a game of Hats with a world's worst dating agency videos theme, Ryan repeatedly wears the same one, a jockey's cap where he gives a Murray Walker-style commentary ("It's Breast ahead of Penis, Penis coming up there quickly on the inside!"). That's not the CMOF; the CMOF is when he interrupts this by sitting down with a giant unsteady hat piled with plastic fruit:

 Ryan: (After a long pause) ...I really have nothing to say...I just like wearing this.

  • One of the few sessions of Expert, where one player interviews an expert on an obscure subject. Greg and Ryan are in it, and the subject given by the audience is taxidermy - after which Ryan spends the entire game completely rigid and staring into space. He doesn't even BLINK.
  • There's a one-off game where Ryan, Greg and guest Rory Bremner all have to pretend to be dead actors, with Colin as the only remaining living one battling on by moving them around and dubbing their voices. Ryan and Rory are cowboys, Greg's an Indian princess. Towards the end Colin has Rory say "Look, I think we all ought to have one big kiss" and there's a great moment where dead Rory 'wakes up' and has a "what the hell is going on" look in his eyes.
  • This early Newsflash game should put an end to the 'stuffy British humor' arguments...
  • One of the Hollywood episodes features a game of Press Conference in which Colin...wait for it...has given birth to Clive's lovechild. It's just as hilarious as it sounds, all the way from Greg laughing at the card before anyone else knows what it is, to Colin finally figuring it out...

 Greg: Was it a natural childbirth, or was it in a manner of his own choosing?

Colin: It was very painful...and it was in the style of a hoedown.

    • An even funnier bit IMO (only the second question, so Colin had no idea what it was about at this point):

 Ryan: ...Why?

Colin (slaps the podium): This was something I felt I had to do for the benefit of future generations! (Clive nods in agreement) Which is why I...videotaped it as it was happening, and it will now be shown in many schools!

  • In one game of Scenes From A Hat, the suggestion was "What Hell looks like." See for yourself.

 Greg: *walks out* His neck is tucked in as if he's about to impersonate Clive.

Clive: *buzz*

Greg: *Death Glare*

  • In a playing of Number of Words, Colin has to say five words each time and Ryan can only say one. They play off each other brilliantly to get around this problem.

 Colin: I'll go, you create a...

Ryan: Diversion?

  "We'll keep going till we get to an accent Ryan can do."

  • In the Let's Make A Date with Stephen Fry mentioned above, Colin hated everything English. It's hilarious.
  • Colin's verse in the Coffee hoedown.
  • Greg's verse in the Colin hoedown.
  • Colin makes an awesome crack at Clive in World's Worst.

  "I'm Clive Anderson and I used to have no neck. But with new Neck Insert...Look!"

  Brad: You know, the last time I met a guy like you, he tried to get out of it (a ticket) by saying, [reads his line] "Grab me, big boy, and kiss me like there's no tomorrow!"


US version, hosted by Drew Carey:

In General...

  • Chip's spot-on impression of Snagglepuss is amazing. Colin's ATTEMPTED impression of Snagglepuss? HILARIOUS.
    • Something of a Crowning Moment of Awesome in there - when Chip goes "exit stage right" and breaks into a dash, his stool is left bucking back and forth in his wake. A stock Looney Tunes effect done for real, and likely unintentional.
    • Chip's Snagglepuss is great and all, but Colin had the best joke when it came to this impression (if cartoon characters were in famous films): "Rosebud, even!"
  • The best comedy moment, in my opinion, was a particular combination of "Party Quirks" and "Hoedown," summed up by Ryan's final verse:

 "Oh boy those cop shows, they give me such a fright/And it seems like they are on every single night/Sure you can watch 'em if you really want a scare/Thursdays at eight you can see Melissa's underwear!

  • "...wait, that wasn't Close Encounters!"
  • This troper loved the episode with the "Captain Hair" running gag (about Colin, of course), especially when Ryan said Colin's nickname in German would be "Herr Hair!"
    • The look Colin gives Ryan after he says that is priceless. Not to mention Ryan having to hold Colin back twice.
    • This troper was especially fond of the Green Screen that happened in the green screen mentioned above, where he made the bald joke comment. The two in conjunction...
    • "Well, another crisis solved! Now it's time to find the guy who made that suggestion!"
  • "Would you like some jello...Hitler?"
    • Especially throughout the whole episode how the guys weren't allowed to do anything on Hitler (for some unfathomable reason), so they took stabs at the topic occasionally, culminating in this bit from Hoedown:

 Ryan: Our director, he really is the boss,

At yelling and screaming, he's never at a loss,

He is the meanest man that you will ever see,

He should grow a mustache and move to Germany!


Moments with Special Guests

 Colin: [Enter] CUT!

Ryan: At the end, that seemed a little too Charlie's Angels.

(Audience laughs)

Colin: I WISH! Now what we need to--

Robin: Can I take a moment?

(Beat)

Colin: ...take it.

Robin: Done!

Colin: That's why I love working with you!

Wayne: What about me, sir?

Colin: SHUT UP!

Wayne: :(

 Colin: You gotta get out more.

 Colin: Oh it's so nice to have a woman on the show!

    • Especially good is Collin holding one finger, high in the air as if to say to his wife "It was worth it!"
  • The episode with the twin belly dancers. Not only does a snake go for Wayne's crotch, but Ryan & Colin have more fun playing Living Scenery than they ever have before.


Scenes From A Hat

  • This entire SFAH here.
    • Drew: "Things that should not have ejector seats."

  (Wayne runs over to Drew's buzzer, pushes it, then looks up, waving goodbye, while Drew gives him a Death Glare)

    • Drew: "Times when "eeney-meeney-miney-mo" is not an appropriate method of selection."

  Brad: "Miney, moe. Congratulations, Mr. Bush. (Bonus points that Colin was wearing red and Ryan had on blue)

  • Drew: "Something you never want to hear from a Surgeon."

  Ryan: "...Oops."

  • Anything from Scenes From A Hat, ever. Especially this one.
    • This troper read the above entry, went in knowing exactly what was going to happen...and still nearly doubled-over in laughter at that very moment. Some of the funniest topics are :
    • "What color is your poo first thing in the morning?"
    • Professions where breaking into song is discouraged
    • "We're gonna fry you this morning, fry you this morning..."
      • I'M A MIME!
    • Things that makes the audience boo!
      • From the same clip: "And the Oscar for Best Actor goes to: Keanu Reeves." BOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
        • The best part about that one is that the booing goes on for almost ten seconds.
        • Not to mention just before Colin and Ryan make a scene, the audience start to boo. Not to mention after making the suggestions most of the audience laughed rather than booed even during Ryan's 'Push the old lady' scene.
  • Nightly bedtime prayers of Whose Line cast members:
    • "Lord, please make Ryan stop wearing clown shoes."
    • "Lord, please get me ringside seats when Ryan kicks Brad's ass."
  • Drew: The good news and the bad news!
    • Brad: *To Wayne* The good news they're going to name a disease after you. * Wayne was relieve and once Brad left, Wayne realized it's not a good news.*
    • And in another episode:
      • Ryan: The good news, the surgery was successful and you look like a movie star. The bad news is that movie star is Drew Carey.
      • Greg: Merry Christmas, Tommy! (to Wayne) Look it's Gepetto on DVD!
  • "Drew doesn't do a damn thing! Not a damn thing, he just reads the cards and goes eh! eh! eh!"
    • That one doubled in hilarity when, after Wayne delivers a rather lame joke, Drew pantomimes laughter and Wayne launches right back into it: "Not a damn thing!"
      • The clip in question is here.
  • TV in Hell and Hillbilly Fortune Cookies. 'Nuff said.
  • How about the one where they had to make Drew do a spit take, and two of them (I think it was Colin and Ryan, it was a while since I've seen the episode), actually kissed? Needless to say, there was a spit take. Afterwards, those involved were literally washing their mouths out.
    • It was Colin and Ryan. It's always Colin and Ryan.
      • If anyone's curious, the clip is right here.
  • Another with Colin and Ryan: the topic was "Things You Shouldn't Lick." Ryan walked up to Colin, brought him to center, and then they both stood mute, Ryan pointing at Colin.
  • Songs about breasts. 'Nuff said.
    • Colin scores some major points for his second bit, dancing back and forth with a big smug grin and getting laughs before even opening his mouth.
      • "I like to stick my head in...GBBBBBRRRRRR!!!!!"
      • "You make me feel...so young...." *sucks*
  • This scenes from a hat features Colin singing the ultimate break-up song (don't worry, he's still happily married):

 Colin: You're dead to me/Nothing but scum/When I look in your eyes/I get inflammation of the bum/You make me feel putrid/I hate the way you... (Ryan drags him off the stage)

    • "Baby baby baby you gots to go, you gots to go/Why why why? Because you's a hoe/Bye-bye, bye-bye, bye-byeeeee....!"
    • "Oh I'm one lucky little mister/ I don't need you I'm dating your sister!"
    • They're all wearing toupees!
  • One word: COME! Second place: Get off the mailman! Get off the mailman!
    • From that same clip:

 Wayne: (As Dorothy to the Wizard) Um, Mr. Wizard, I'd like some hair for my friend.

Colin: (death glare)

    • Also doubling as a Crowning Moment of Heartwarming. Ryan: (astonished) I just saved your life!
  • Another two words: Nice Pants!
  • Jeff Davis's rendition of that very sad scene from Titanic, Dr Seuss style.
    • On the topic of Dr. Seuss, let's not forget Wayne's Seussian version of Terminator.
    • And then there's the unfortunate names from US cities (that shouldn't have a song written about them):

 Ryan: We wuv u, Walla Walla, Washington...

Colin: Proud... citizens of Doglick!

Ryan: We call it Butte (not Butt), Montana...

Jeff: Who wants an Oxnard? I do! I do!

Ryan: (with a stoned look on his face) What's the matter with Weed?

      • Even the fictional city, whose name is outrageous enough for its own joke, never mind Wayne's personal Running Gag:

 Wayne: Our arms are wide open at Muscalahoochiehala, Alabama! MUSCALAHOOCHIEHALA, ALABAMA! Come on in, come on in!

      • The whole scene becomes even funnier if you happen to have a cat named Oxnard.
    • FIRE!
      • Alright, push Mrs Johnson.
      • I can't believe I broke my old record of eating six burritos!
    • I'm the little voice in your head. No, I'm the little voice in your head. I'm the little voice in your head. Will the real little voice in your head please stand up? No, it's me, I'm the little voice in your head. I'm the little voice in your head....
    • I think what gets me is how many times Ryan (of all people) has to play Team Mom and drag Colin off.
  • Speaking of Titanic, this song will never be featured on the movie soundtrack:

 Colin: Corpses bobbing in the sea...hahahaha heeheehee....

 Colin: Hey, I didn't mean to cook your dog/But hey those things just happen/Mine was just standing there/And his little toes started tapping/So I cut his throat/Well, go get a goat/And I put him on the barbeque... (Ryan drags him off the stage)

 Ryan: I'll have a cheeseburger, some fries and a COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKE!

Ryan: (opens plastic bag) You forget my COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKE!

Ryan: (later) WHERE THE HELL'S MY COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKE!?

 Wayne: (wakes up to find Colin sleeping beside him) COLIN!?

(Colin pops out and Wayne runs off screaming)

Colin: TEACH ME HOW TO SING LIKE YOU!

Ryan: (pops out of bed) What's his problem?

Colin: I dunno!

 Drew: Statements that will get bleeped by the censor.

Wayne: In Spanish, they call me El Grande Ricardo . But you can call me BIG DICK!

Greg: I'm George Bush, and I'm a FUCKING' Idja-min-it!

Colin: Here, pussy!

Drew: Outtakes from the first 100 episodes of "Whose Line".

Colin: Here, pussy!

 Greg: (in an obnoxious French accent) I hope you are not watching the idiotic Belgian version. This is, of course, the French version where nothing matters. (audience laughs) BUZZ Don't laugh! BUZZ Stop buzzing! BUZZ The points don't matter, the buzzing doesn't matter! BUZZ I asked you to stop!


Newsflash

  • This Newsflash game is widely considered the show's single funniest game, if only for the line:

 Colin: It all started with a badly-timed bald joke!

    • Which ironically makes it the best timed bald joke ever. Also, you can calculate to the second where it dawns on him by this line.

 Chip: Now I notice you're not wearing sunglasses for that incredible shine!

      • The moment Colin hears it, you can tell by his expression realizing what's going on while both Chip and Ryan laughed knowing that Colin figure it out. After the buzzer, Colin was still angry as he feels he want to beat someone with the mic and answers Drew:

 Colin: I hope its me with my clothes on!

 Colin: I'm trying to confuse it!

Ryan: Colin, I think you confuse it on a daily basis.

 Ryan: We wish you weren't there.

Colin: Pardon?

Greg: This is one of those stories where you're just getting in the way, Colin.

Colin: Am I?! Well, it's my job to be here! I'm gonna stick my nose in there and make sure that I get every bit of information I can!

 Ryan: Colin, a question on everyone's minds - Man or woman?

  • The Newsflash with the plethora of rats, but particularly Ryan's vague clue: "Well Colin, Kathy and I find this hard to watch and, quite frankly, the two of us need look no more." Drew discussed this line after the game, to which Ryan and Colin sung it.

  Ryan: A little obscure. I didn't want to just go, "Hey, look out for the rats!"

  • The Maggot Newsflash. Kathy and Ryan lose their composure and Colin keeps hitting the mark perfectly. Of course, Ryan couldn't help but comment:

  Ryan: Well look at the festive colors!

  • Colin saying how these clips started, ranging from the want of a nail to a revival of "The King And I" starting Jerry Springer.


Scene To Rap


Millionaire


Press Conference


Daytime Talk Show


Greatest Hits

  • A pretty hilarious scene for Colin and Ryan was the tapioca incident.
    • Another Ryan breakdown when Colin again said something completely random and completely funny. See it here.
  • This troper's favourite moment would be the 'We're watching animal porn!' scene.
    • Colin's I-just-said-something-stupid face just made it twice as funny!
    • Just to add to that: for non-viewers, Greatest Hits involves Colin and Ryan introducing songs for the others to sing, but a tradition is that they say the name of the programme they're "interrupting", normally a ridiculous pun. In this case, however, Colin couldn't think of a pun, and just said the first thing on his mind, which he immediately makes even more offensive...
      • And after the Animal Porn, pulling "Mary Had a Little Lamb" This Troper lost it.
      • This is why in second Greatest Hits of the motorcycle in which Ryan cracked up regarding "Humpty Dumpty" if the viewers were to watch this first.
    • And then the first song is pure, epic, Crowning Moment of Awesome. Timeless.
      • No love for the second song? I would gladly buy a CD which only had The Harley of Seville and Alabama Motorcycle Mama With A Llama on it. Those two songs were among the best they ever did.
  • The Greatest Hits where Colin breakdances. Of course, this bit goes horribly right when the contestants, and the audience, make him get up and do it all again.
  • The "Songs of the Western" Greatest Hits that contains Colin's "Arctic Tern" moment and Brad and Wayne performing as opera singers warming up.
  • Drew's meltdown at Colin in Greatest Hits when he says 'We'll be right back to Happy Waldo and the Salty Monkey in just a moment.'
  • Greatest Hits: "Songs of the Attorney." At the end of it, Wayne has to play Yoko Oh No. Win.
  • Songs of Horror. Colin is the master of segues. BED COT FILLIE PAPER.
  • Songs about retirement. Featuring the singing blues of Wet Biscuit McGlee.
    • Made even better by the fact that even though he's The Unintelligible, he still has a Scottish accent.
    • Wayne dragging out the end of a song by tweaking the guitar string till it's juuuuuust right.
    • Not to mention Colin's "Wow, it's not often you see the entire King family!"
  • "Songs of the Bus Driver". Ryan announces the next song is a bluegrass number called "Pffffffft", then grins evilly at Wayne. And then Wayne proceeds to sing an entire jug band song about bus drivers ENTIRELY IN ONOMATOPOEIA.
  • The players' ribbing at Drew reading out the wrong card (usually for the game they'd just finished) finally reaches a peak when Drew crumples and throws a card at Ryan's face during Greatest Hits. What does Ryan do?

 Ryan: (picks up card) "Wait... apparently we have a special bonus!" (reveals it) "It's one of Drew Carey's cue cards, which has never been read!"

 Colin: (game show host voice) You know, if you order now we'll send you --free-- a box of fresh AIR!! That's right!! Air!

Ryan: Oh we just can't give away fresh air!

Colin: Yes we can! From the makers of Breath Free, makers of air for Eternityyyy! (starts to laugh at what the hell he just said)

    • What's even funnier is the fact that he tries to hide it!
  • In "Songs of Marriage", Colin suggests a song by The Beach Boys called "I'm the Groom". Wayne messes up a line and loses it. Here is the bit.
  • In "Songs of the Circus":

 Ryan: Funny story: Last time I was in Hawaii, I took the kids to a luau, they had the pig under the ground, roasted it for dinner... I took one of the kids and went, "Look, it's Babe!" (laughs) She loved that.

Colin: How's the therapy going?

Ryan: Good.


Sound Effects

  • The crowning moment here is the fabled "Quacking Elephants," a Sound Effects sketch Gone Horribly Wrong. Drew's meltdown during and after has to be seen to be believed.
    • This sound effects game just might beat the quacking elephant. Especially the noise at the very end.
    • At the complete opposite scale as the quacking elephants, these two get over-enthusiastic with sound effects. The crowning moment is when a baby enters the scene.
  • A Sound Effects game with Ryan as one of the Charlie's Angels and Colin as Bosley, due to Ryan's inability to remember that Colin is Bosley, not Charlie. The best part is it's completely impossible to tell whether he's actually forgetting, or it's part of the character. Not to mention:

 Ryan: Shoot something out of your pants that will go over the wall so we can climb up!

  • "Put your pants back on! Everyone's screamin' at you with a baby hangin' out of you like that! TAXI!"- Ryan to Colin, in the "Sound Effects" where Colin was Ryan's heavily pregnant wife. The line came after the two audience members off-stage made a screech noise (which was supposed to represent a cab pulling up).
    • Same game, Colin pushing the baby back inside definitely was one, though it wasn't prompted by any sound.


Improbable Mission

  • Then there was the "impossible mission" game where Colin and Ryan had to clean a new Burnoose for the Emir of Groovefunkistan. Every single member of the cast broke down in laughter at some point. At least one Whose Line forum has adopted "The Cat!" and "The cat is wet now!" as catchphrases, and sell them on T-shirts. See for yourself.

 Colin: "The tap!... It's rigged!"

Ryan: "Rigged? In what way?!"

Colin: "With an explosive!! How long have you been a spy?!"

Ryan: * trying not to laugh* I guess they really don't want people taking baths in this room!


Weird Newscasters

  • One of the best "Weird Newscasters" games had Ryan as a matador in a bullfight. He begins a bullfight...with the camera. The camera plays along. And wins.

 Colin: ...That reminds me, tomorrow we're having an interview with Al Gore...

  Ryan: (spies Drew from within Hell) So THIS is how you got two shows!

  • This "Weird Newscasters" has Wayne as a sadistic Marine drill sergeant, and he manages to pull an audience member into the sketch in the process. The leaf-green shirt he's wearing really sells it, too.
    • Ryan's take on it. Minus points for the shirt, and plus 2000 points for roping in more audience members and convincing them to climb Colin's "Newsflash" wall.
    • What's even better is that he clearly didn't expect them to actually do it.
    • Funniest of all, when they are climbing it, it breaks. And then Ryan chews out the wrong guy for gripping it too hard!
  • As another great example of audience participation, observe Ryan's tour-de-force as Frankenstein's monster in this playing.
  • This one has Greg as a politician doing a smear campaign on his rival Drew, Wayne as a frat boy doing increasingly crazy stunts, and Ryan as the rise and fall of a 1940s boxer. If for nothing else, this must be seen for Ryan's performance alone, which is probably one of his greatest ever.
  • From the "Meow Episode", we have Wayne doing the sports report as, so his character description reads, "An aging female Broadway performer doing a big song and dance number whose extensive plastic surgery begins to collapse." It must be seen to be believed, but it leaves this troper in stitches every time.
  • Any "Weird Newscasters" that features Colin as the normal newscaster is comedy gold, but the crown for the Crowning Moment must be given to his top story at the beginning of this game. 1000 points for referencing Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and My Fair Lady in the same gag.
  • One of the harshest disses the show gave witness to is when Ryan is sliding down the evolutionary scale. First, he falls back to caveman, then monkey, and finally, DREW. Even funnier- Drew mouths "I KNEW IT." And then Ryan takes immense flak for it- but it's resolved soon. Later, the joke becomes the subject of the credits.
  • Wayne's looking for a prized greased pig- three guesses who gets to suffer Butt Monkey antics.


Party Quirks

 Ryan: There had better be some extra points in this.

Drew: Well sorry, we spent them all replacing the glass!

Ryan: Was it lit up?

Colin: Oh yeah, it was. It would have been better if your head burst into flame.

      • Or this, immediately after:

 Drew: How Many Fingers? am I holding up? (He's constantly changing.)

Ryan: ...four?

Drew: Eh, close enough.

Ryan: How 'bout me? (One. Guess which.)

    • Ryan's impression (Carol Channing whose head keeps getting stuck to things) was hilarious, even before the accident.

 Ryan: (head "stuck to" the floor) Is this shag? It's just gorgeous!

 Colin: NICE BOOBS!

  • Ryan was a foal being born. There were no survivors. (For context, Colin is an inept circus performer.)
  • The Ho Yay in one between Greg and Colin has to be seen to be believed. Colin was a person who liked to put his hands in other people's pockets, and...well...he chose Greg.

 Greg: Colin, I'm gonna lock the door and not let anyone else in, is that okay? (Colin nods enthusiastically)

 Drew: What holds you to the Earth?

Greg: Why, my love for you, Drew!


Hoedown!

  • Akin to any Hoedown, Ryan will protest he HATES THEM TO DEATH. However, after the "Vending Machine Hoedown" was screwed up so much, he used the magic word.
  • Perhaps one of the best Hoedowns involves an epic putdown against Colin by Chip, followed by a veritable verbal slaughter from Colin in retaliation. And it is hilarious.
    • In fact, every verse in that Hoedown insults features an insult towards a player--not even Wayne, who had the luxury of sitting it out, was spared.
  • The Going-Bald Hoedown. After suffering the inevitable bald jokes from Drew and Brad, Colin hits back with style.
  • Ryan insults Drew. No surprise there, unless Drew refuses to repeat the punchline and is barely willing to announce a commercial break (something he usually does with enthusiasm) while he tries to hide from the camera.
  • That one Ryan-less Hoedown which Chip gets the final verse and does some epic wordplay.


Irish Drinking Song

  • In this game, each player sings a successive line of the song; Colin receives the ending line every time. You can imagine how that turns out.
    • This one takes the cake. Even Laura Hall (the pianist) cracked up.
    • This one is absolutely hilarious due to total derailment of the scene.
    • This one is funny all-around because it is about "Farting".
    • This one proves that, when Colin has the last word, even a mundane topic like graduation isn't safe.
    • The "Calling Out the Wrong Name in Bed" playing, the piece de le resistance for the "Meow" Running Gag Colin had been instigating throughout the episode. While it helped bring the song to an epic collapse, everyone else had a hand in it.

 Wayne: One night I was getting freaky

Drew: With my luh...girl Elaine (botches line)

Colin: Boy, we had some fun

Ryan: And then (yells gibberish at Drew)

Wayne: (collapses in hysterics)

Drew: (doubled over in laughter, embarrassment)

Colin: Meow!

    • The best part is the end, after it had completely derailed, and Colin is the only one still singing, everyone else is keeled over, laughing.
  • The Irish Drinking Song about Drew. Mostly for Wayne randomly mentioning that Drew has "telepathic powers."
    • And the follow-up rhyme: "He's worn a thong for hours!"
  • The Irish Drinking Song, "Got Mugged," leaves Ryan tripped up... so he says something absolutely ridiculous. His flub-up is carefully ignored... and then Colin slays the whole studio when he gets the last line!


Superheroes


Three-Headed Broadway Star

  • "I Lost My Legwarmers". Funny moment within this -- Colin using the word "YOU!" nine times in a row, then Ryan gets to say "YOU!"...and Colin and Wayne turn to look at him in perfect synchronization. Or maybe it's Wayne's falsetto-out-of-nowhere.
    • Even better: once Ryan steals "you!" from Colin, what's the next thing Colin says? "I!"
  • "You Are My Butterstick".
  • "You've Got Sole"
  • "Timber".
  • "Bald Spot" one can stand up to those ones.
    • Your. Bald. Spot. Can. Reflect. Lasers!
  • How about "I Can't Stop Thinking about Your Pants?" Watch this, then try to hear the word "existential" without giggling anymore.
  • "They Threw it Away", mainly due to unresolved mother issues and attempted high notes. One YouTube comment even noted how this song qualifies as a Tear Jerker for the fictional musical:

 The trashman, scrounging for garbages to pick up. is asking himself what our world would be without them. His heart is crying about the fact that garbage men are unappreciated in the society. He then narrates his tragic childhood with his mother that led him to became a garbage man. He is "almost free" because he cannot escape his past. He then laments on how he wants to throw his heart away and just get away from it all.


Hollywood Director

 Ryan: I'm... (confused) Count Dracula.

 Kathy: Yoou know...I doo not dance for the likes of yooou.

Wayne and Drew: *crack up laughing*

Ryan: You're from Canada, aren't you?

(Later)

Wayne: I said let go of the girls. Dude...I don't mean girls but girl.

Ryan: "Funny how we all come from a different part of Spain..."

    • Also:

 Colin: Choo know, when I firs com to this contry with nothing but a hammer and a powerful laxative... I tot to myself, I wouldn't have to deal with this CROP!

Ryan: Sorry, it's a Spanish piece, we thought-

Colin: "Sponnish"? Is that what you are, Sponnish? Pleh on you.

    • There's something of a Mythology Gag here, as this one and the 'Dracula' one above both add some vision-impairment into the scene ('incredibly nearsighted' Greg shouting his lines at Drew, and Wayne 'in perfect dark' doing his bit in the wrong part of the stage).
    • "Leesten to mee because I speet and I'm happy!"
  • Wayne falls into an icehole. Let me say that again. Wayne falls into an icehole. An icehole. A big icehole. A big, hairy icehole.
  • Ladies and gentlemen...Jailhouse Stomp.
  • Ryan (playing Judge Frollo) began the game by telling Whoopi (playing Esmerelda), "All right, there's your pole, get to it!"

 Wayne: (as Quasimodo) "He hit me on my hideously ugly ass!"

Ryan: (breaking character) "...A little Sammy coming though there?!"


Narrate/Film Noir


Song Styles/Duets

 Ryan: What time do you want me to be home, honey?

Greg: That woman would snap you in half like a praying mantis.


Let's Make A Date

  Drew: And I thought Will and Grace was the gayest show on TV!

 Drew: Yes, Ryan used to be on two shows, before he called me a fat horse on national television.


Hats

  • The playing where Greg Proops put on a big fish mask. For a few moments it's very quiet, then you can hear Greg laughing to himself. Finally he takes the mask off and says:

 Greg: I have a giant fish head on. I'm forty-two fucking years old.


Dead Bodies

  • In one session, Colin had the female audience participant seduce Ryan. He accidentally got her hand too close to Ryan's crotch. Colin caught himself just in time, pulled her hand away as quick as he could, and made the funniest guilty face of the century (2'20"). And just for fun, he does it again at 3:50.
    • "I'll fight you, using the martial arts I know." "Oh, hot."
  • Then there's this playing where Colin spends the first half screwing with Drew.
    • And this. "OH, ME HAGGIS!"
      • "I am so not afraid of you I will fight sitting down!"


Living Scenery


Show-Stopping Number


Number of Words


World's Worst...


Questions Only (and Variants)

 Ryan: You're Canadian?

Colin: Can't you tell?

Ryan: Have you ever heard of a town called Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan?

Colin: Isn't that right beside...Left...Noob?

Ryan: (hesitates, turns wordlessly and leaves)


Dubbing/Scene with Audience Member


Foreign Film Dub


Infomercial


Props


Whose Line (Yes, a game of the same name!)


Let's face it, this show is made of CMOF. After all, that's why we're dedicating an entire page to it.


Now we're going to read the credits as... a bunch of Tropers, I guess. Goodnight, everybody!

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