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 Eddie (singing): I'm through with taking falls

and bouncing off the walls

Without that gun, I'd have some fun

I'd kick you in the -- (vase hits him in the head)

Roger: Nose!

Smat-Ass weasel: Nose? That don't rhyme with walls!

Eddie: No, but this does! *Groin Attack*

  • And what comes to real-actors:

 Dolores: Could you explain what she was doing her arms around you?!

Eddie: Probably looking for a good place to stick a knife!

Dolores: C'mon, Eddie, I caught you with your pants down!

  • Don't forget the scene with the Toon bullets:

 Bullet 1: Eddie Valiant! Where ya been?

Eddie: ...drunk.

  • A lot of Eddie's lines are this because of his Deadpan Snarker attitude.
  • The scene where Eddie, handcuffed to Roger, takes a hacksaw to the handcuffs, and Roger holds the table steady... with both hands.

 Eddie: You mean to tell me you could've taken your hand out of that cuff at any time?!

Roger: No! Not any time, only when it was funny.

  • Roger can't spell.

 Roger: We're gonna be happy again! Got that? Happy! Capital H-A-P-P-I!

  • The record repeats itself, causing Roger to keeping smashing plates on his head. When Eddie stops it, Roger freezes and has a funny look on his face.

 Eddie: What's up, Doc?

Maroon: Valiant, what are you tryin' to do, gimme a heart attack?!

Eddie: You need a heart before you can have an attack.

    • This dialogue:

 Maroon: [pulls his gun out] Let me see that will.

Eddie: [about to have a drink] I told you, I got it.

Maroon: I wanna see it NOW! [smacks the drink from his hand, Eddie quietly grabs the seltzer as Maroon reads] "How do I love thee, let me count the ways"? Its supposed to be a joke!? [crumbles the paper and puts it in Eddie's pants]

Eddie: No! This is. [sprays water at his face]

  • Eddie mocking Bongo the Ink and Paint Club bouncer: "Ooga-booga!"
  • Pretty much the entire opening cartoon that starts the film, which is a master class in animated Rube Goldberg slapstick.
  • "I can give you stars, look! LOOK! LOOOOOOOOOK!!!!"
  • This line, coming from an otherwise-innocent Baby Herman who, a few seconds ago, was acting like a typical baby in the cartoon being filmed:

 Baby Herman: WHAT THE HELL WAS WRONG WITH THAT TAKE?!

  • "Hey Roger, what's the part in the middle of a song?" "Jee I dunno, a[beat, about to crash into one] BRIDGE!!!"
  • After Marvin Acme sprays ink onto Eddie's shirt with a fountain pen and starts giggling about it, Eddie responds with

 Eddie: You think that's funny? *seizes Acme's tie* You won't think it's funny when I stick that pen up your nose!

  • The smug look on Roger's face when Eddie says "I got no keys for these cuffs!" While we find out Roger could get out anytime, it looks as though Roger doesn't care if he'll be stuck with him forever.
  • Roger hides in Teddy's desk.

 Roger: Hide me, Eddie! Pl-pl-pl-pl-please! [Jumps into the bottom side drawer. Then he sticks his head out of the top drawer.] Remember you never saw me.

Eddie: GET OUT OF THERE!!

  • Eddie keeps hitting his head on the ceiling lamp in the bar's secret room.

 Roger: Jeepers Eddie, that almost killed me!

Eddie: [BONK] Ow!

Eddie: [grabs Roger by the ears] Crazy toons! [BONK] Oof!

Roger: Watch your head!

Dolores: And you said you'll never take another toon case. What do you have, a change of heart?

Eddie: Nothing's changed! Somebody's made a patsy out of me and I'm gonna find out [BONK] why!

  • "Dolores. Dolores! DOLOOOOREEEESSS!!!!"
    • Well it couldn't be helped that the Red Car was drowning out his voice in the first place.
      • Still, it was hilarious.
  • Eddie wonders how Roger found out about his office.

 Eddie: Does anybody know you're here?

Roger: No one! Not a soul! Except...

Eddie: What?

Roger: Well... I didn't know where your office was, so I asked the newsboy- he didn't know! So I asked the fireman, the green grocer, the butcher, the baker- they didn't know! But the liquor store guy- he knew!

Eddie: In other words, the whole damn town knows!

  • This exchange.

 Roger: Let me get this straight. You think that my boss, R.K. Maroon, dropped a safe on Marvin Acme's head, so that he could get his hands on Toon Town?!

Eddie: Yep, that's my hunch. (to Dolores) Can he stay here for a couple of days?

Dolores: He's not going to do anything crazy, is he? (pan to Roger, who's cleaning his ears with a nail file)

  • Eddie, with Roger handcuffed to him, as to smuggle Roger to the diner by keeping him stuffed down his trench coat, but Roger can't breath. So when the rabbit pushes his head out the collar for some air, Eddie manages to stuff him back down before anyone can see him. Except Delores;

 Delores: Hello, Eddie. Is that a rabbit in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

Eddie: Cut the comedy, Delores, I've had a very rough day.

  • Confronted with a sword wielding Judge Doom, Eddie seizes a nearby box labelled "ACME Singing Sword" and whips out...a cartoon singing sword (singing Frank Sinatra no less). Doom is amused, and continues to advance with his actual sword.
  • Mickey Mouse and Bugs Bunny teaming up to troll the heck out of Eddie.
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