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Valentine-cover-3 5463

 Roses are red... violets are blue... they'll need dental records to identify you!

One of the contemporary Slasher Movies that rode on the coattails of Scream's success, e.g... I Know What You Did Last Summer. As with most of said contemporary slashers, it's pretty formulaic and crummy.

At a junior high school prom in 1988, a bespectacled loser named Jeremy Melton asks several girls - Shelley, Lily, Paige and Kate - to dance, only to be cruelly shot down. Another girl, Dorothy, who at this stage is a little chubby, accepts, but when some boys spot her and Melton making out, she claims he was assaulting her, prompting them to publicly strip and beat him, after which he is sent to a reform school. 13 years later, the girls are all grown up and played by Katherine Heigl, Jessica Cauffiel, Denise Richards, Marley Shelton and Jessica Capshaw respectively. They're now dealing with various boyfriend issues, and Dorothy has since slimmed down. As Valentine's Day approaches, they start receiving threatening Valentines Day cards. Then, a killer dressed in a black coat and cupid mask shows up and starts offing them one by one. Is it Melton, come back for revenge, or someone else?

Oh, and there's no nudity, in case you were curious.

See also My Bloody Valentine, another Valentine's Day-themed slasher flick.

Tropes used in Valentine include:

  • Actor Allusion: "He's no Angel."
  • Adaptation Displacement: The film was loosely based on a book by Tom Savage.
  • The Bad Guy Wins: Subverted, as Adam/Jeremy's revenge was justified.
  • Blatant Lies: Dorothy, screwing over Jeremy.
  • Death by Irony / Foreshadowing: In the opening, when Jeremy asks the five girls to dance with him, all but one responded with rather mean comments.
    • Shelley's response: "In your dreams!"
      • Killed while hiding inside a bodybag.
    • Lily's response: "Eww!"
      • Received a box full of chocolate-filled maggots. Later used for archery practice by Adam/Jeremy, with her body falling into a dumpster.
    • Paige's response: "I'd rather be boiled alive."
      • Make that electrocuted in a hot tub.
    • Kate's response: "Maybe later, Jeremy."
      • She survives only because she showed kindness to Jeremy/Adam.
    • Dorothy set him up big time, claiming that Jeremy attacked her under the bleachers when they were caught making out by several school bullies. He gets his ass kicked and sent off to reform school as a result.
      • Adam/Jeremy set her up to take the fall for all of the murders, and gets away scot-free.
  • Disproportionate Retribution: Treat the nerd like garbage and then use him as a fall guy when you get caught making out? He will come back for you later on and kill the lot of you.
    • To be fair (but still not trying to justify it) he was sent to a "reform school", is occasionally used as a euphemism for a juvenile prison. If that's the case then he also got at least juvenile record for something he didn't do.
  • Final Girl: Kate
  • Five-Man Band: According to Dorothy, Kate was "the popular one", Shelley was "the brainy one", Lily was "the fun one", Paige was "the sexy one", and she was "the big, fat one."
  • Freudian Excuse
  • Groin Attack: Kate knees Adam in the crotch as she dances with him when she suspects him of being the killer.
  • Hey, It's That Guy!: Carmen Ibanez, Izzie Stevens and Arizona Robbins, Diane Weston, and Margot are being targeted by one pissed-off Agent Booth.
  • Horror Doesn't Settle for Simple Tuesday
  • Me Love You Long Time: The father of one of the girls has a Chinese mail-order bride.
  • Nightmare Fuel: The killer's mask.
  • Shout-Out: The killer getting a nosebleed everytime he kills is a possible reference to Alone in the Dark.
  • Roaring Rampage of Revenge
  • Terrible Interviewees Montage: One of the girls goes through one of these at a blind dating session.
  • This Is a Drill: And it's used to attack a girl in a hot tub.
  • Twist Ending: Adam Carr is Jeremy Melton.
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