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File:Track of the Moon Beast 9964.jpg
"Your movie this week stars nobody and features nothing. I hope you gag on it."

Track of the Moon Beast is yet another transformation movie where radiation from a meteorite strike causes a professor to be turned into a murderous monster. This time the bland, uninteresting white scientist is some guy named Paul; beyond that, no one knows anything about him, including the screenwriter. There's also a bland, uninteresting Love Interest dressed in terrycloth named Kathy. Their bland, uninteresting romance is hampered by Paul's refusal to just stop transmogrifying into a killer lizard, meaning the intrepid, stew-making shaman Johnny Longbone Longbow has to step in and move the plot along.

For the Mystery Science Theater 3000 version, please go to the episode recap page.

Tropes present in Track of the Moon Beast:

  • Artistic License Biology: The picture of the T. Rex in the biologists office wouldn't convince a 4 year old.
  • Artistic License Nuclear Physics: Everything surrounding the "explanation" of the radiation from the meteor, mixed in with some Artistic License Astronomy.
  • Basement Dweller: Paul still lives with his mom in what appear to be his early thirties, and Kathy feels he's a very lonely man.
    • Early thirties? Not quite. According to the APB that plays on the radio in the Wheat Penny & Glock shop that Paul visits to buy a shotgun, "Here's a description of the man being sought. His name is Paul Gene Carlson. He's 24 years old, Caucasian, about six feet tall, weighing 160, brown hair, blue eyes."
  • Better To Die Than To Be A Bipedal Lizardman
  • Dawson Casting: Kathy's actress is probably about ten years older then her character, although the film is so washed out and faded it's hard to tell.
  • Dull Surprise: "Moon rock? Oh, wow." See also: every other line Kathy says.
    • Also, the "prank." Drawn out into the open and brought down by multiple packs of hound/dingo crossbreeds with baseball bats by the long, convoluted and completely unnecessary apology because of his "reaction."
  • Dumb Blonde: Kathy, in spades. This was probably not what they were going for at all.
  • Failed a Spot Check: A pair of cops obligingly just keep staring in the exact opposite direction from where Paul is sneaking up on them.
  • Fan Disservice: The movie for features a good look at the drunken bowler's asscheeks.
  • Fan Service: Say what you want about Paul, but he's got a great body. He spends 1/3 of his screentime topless.
  • Fashion Dissonance: Everything Kathy wears.
  • From Nobody to Nightmare: Paul would presumably have become one if not stopped in time.
  • He Also Did: Writer William Finger? Co-creator of Batman. If you're wondering what he was doing writing lame movies, Bob Kane conned him out of the royalties for the character.
  • I Love Nuclear Power: And radioactive meteorites.
  • Imagine Spot: Paul has a fantasy of getting into the mountain lift and jumping out of it while it's in the air.
  • Large Ham: Johnny is maybe slightly softer-spoken than your average ham, but he still has his occasional moments of Chewing the Scenery.
  • Leitmotif: The stereotypical theme for Johnny Longbow.
  • Magical Native American: Johnny Longbow.
  • Notable Original Music: "California Lady"
  • The Seventies: Make it stop.
  • Sex Equals Love
  • Shoot the Dog
  • Our Werebeasts Are Different: Were-lizardman!
  • What Do You Mean It's Not Awesome?: The prank and Johnny Longbow's stew, made with corn, chicken, green peppers, chilis, *sigh* onions... Hair...
    • Actually, try Johnny's recipe. It's delicious. The hair is best left out, but can be added to your tastes.

"Moon rock? Oh, wow."

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