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Toy Story

  • Buzz earnestly explains to Woody his role in saving Earth, basically as R2-D2 in A New Hope. His voice and the music build dramatically, then:

 Buzz: And you, my friend, are responsible for delaying my rendezvous with Star Command!

(Beat)

Woody: You! Are! A! TOOOOOOOY! You're not the real Buzz Lightyear, you... you're an action figure! You are a child's plaything!

(beat)

Buzz: You are a sad, strange little man. And you have my pity. Farewell.

Woody: Yeah? Well, good riddance, ya looney!

    • Double-funny for doing the Vulcan salute along with "Farewell".
      • When Toy Story 3 was knocked off of its 100 rotten tomatoes review level by two contrinarians who gave bad reviews because they wanted to be contrary, the director responded by tweeting "You are sad, strange little men, and you have my pity."
  • "Don't you get it?! You see the hat?! I am Mrs. Nesbit!" Somehow, Woody matter-of-factly smacking Buzz to his senses with his own dismembered arm makes it even funnier.
    • Then there's the squeaky noise Buzz's head makes...
      • Buzz, looking all calm, says Woody's right and walks off to get it together.

 "Oh, I'm a sham! I can't even fly out the window! Does the hat look good? Tell me the hat looks good. The apron was a bit much... Years of academy training, wasted!

  • The iconic scene from even the Trailers:

"Buzz, could you get up here and give me a hand?"
~Buzz's dismembered arm flops next to Woody~
"Haha, that's very funny, but this is serious!"

  • "Look! I'm Woody! Howdy, howdy, howdy!"
  • "Okay, Mr. LightBeer, prove it!"
    • A few minutes later in the film, Woody calls him "LightSnack".
  • Look at Mr. Potato Head and Wordy during Woody's speech in the beginning.
  • Every other line of Mr. Potato Head's. "Did you all take stupid pills this morning?"
    • Ditto for Hamm. "Oh for crying out loud, they're all in boxes, you idiot!"
  • Mr. Potato Head and Hamm play Battleship, especially when you notice Potato has called every spot on Hamm's grid except the ones where his ships are.
    • And Hamm has done exactly the opposite, having not missed once. Considering that out of the 100 squares on a typical Battleship grid, 17 of them will be occupied by ships and 83 aren't, it's anyone's guess how they managed that.
      • Perhaps a failure to understand how it's supposed to be played?
      • Or perhaps this is how they want to play. Potato Head's offering of body parts is oddly similar to strip poker in hindsight...
  • Woody miming friendship with Buzz's arm.
  • "I don't believe that man's ever been to medical school."
  • Woody laughing at Buzz's delusions.

 Woody: Hey guys, look, its the real Buzz Lightyear!

Buzz: You're mocking me, aren't you?

Woody: Oh, no no... BUZZ LOOK AN ALIEN!!!

Buzz: Where?! [Woody laughs hysterically]

  • Buzz's complete freakout when his helmet is open, coupled with Woody's reaction.
  • This exchange:

 Buzz: I believe the word you're searching for is "Space Ranger".

Woody: The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there's preschool toys present.

 Rex: Hey! A dinosaur documentary! Maybe this one will have a happy ending!

Hamm: Annnd there's the meteor.

  • Rex's response when Slinky asks him if he believes Woody is innocent:

  Rex: I don't like confrontations!

    • Even Lasseter and co. agree this is Rex's funniest line on the DVD commentary.
  • During Woody's encouragement to snap Buzz out of his depression after the realization he's not a space ranger...

  Woody: Your helmet does that, that-that...WOOSH thing!

  • This exchange right at the beginning of the movie:

 Mr. Potato Head [is turned away from the camera] Hey, look at me! [turns around, revealing that he has rearranged his face] I'm Potasso!

Hamm I don't get it. [walks away]

Mr. Potato Head [at Hamm] You uncultured swine!

    • "What are you lookin' at, ya hockey puck?" Camera turns to... a hockey puck, with arms and legs, which shrugs in a "What?" fashion.
  • This line cracks me up for some reason: "He's not a Space Rangeeeer! He doesn't fight evil, or shoot lasers or fly!"
    • It's the way he draws out the word 'ranger'. That's gotta be it.
  • Buzz deciding to sit up front because it's safer there. Made funnier by him putting a (huge) seat belt on, Woody's mocking, and the fact that he was right.
  • Woody: (Grabbing Buzz and repeatedly pushing a button that makes his arm go up and down) Use your karate chop action!

  Buzz: Hey, hey, how are you doing that!?

 Green Army Soldier: Okay, it's bedsheets.

Mr. Potato Head: Who invited THAT kid?

  • Sid sleep-talking: "I wanna ride the pony."
  • Woody's line of "Wait a second...I just lit a rocket. Rockets explode!"

Toy Story 2

 "I'm gonna spend some quality time with my dad!"

"Go long, Buzzy!"

"Great throw, son!"

  • The toys crossing the street, especially the shot of all the chaos they're oblivious they just caused.

  Mr. Potato Head: (completely unaware) "Well that went well!"

  • "You have saved our lives! We are eternally grateful!"
    • "Will you leave me alone?!"
    • "Daaaaddy!"
  • BUT I DON'T WANNA USE MY HEAD! *CLANG*
  • "Look, Barbie! An big ugly man doll! Oooh he needs a makeover!"
    • "She's an artist!"
  • "I'm packing you an extra pair of shoes, and your ANGRY eyes, just in case!"
  • The homage to Jurassic Park with the shot of Rex in the rearview mirror.
  • Andy's Buzz meeting another Buzz Lightyear at Al's Toy Barn: "Tell me I wasn't this deluded!"
  • EVERYTHING the deluded Buzz they meet in Al's Toy Barn says and does:
    • Calling Hamm "Slotted pig" and Potato Head "Vegetable Man"
    • Telling everyone to join hands as he tries to fly out of Al's car.
    • Don't forget Buzz 'explaining' what's going on to the deluded Buzz!

 Deluded Buzz: Will someone please explain what's going on?!

Buzz: It's alright Space Ranger. It's a code 546.

Deluded Buzz: You mean it's a...

Buzz: Yes.

Deluded Buzz: * Gestures to Woody* And he's a...

Buzz: Oh yeah.

Deluded Buzz: * Runs over to Woody, and kneels before before him* Your Majesty!

    • Freaking out exactly the same way original Buzz did when his helmet was open in the first movie and Woody and the others having the same reaction as Woody in the first.
  • Woody's reaction to Al's belch.
  • Hamm (reading the owners manual for the Pizza Planet truck) "Oh, I seriously doubt he's getting this kind of mileage.."
  • This exchange here never fails to make this troper and her older sister (who's TS3 Andy's age) crack up.

 Buzz: Don't worry, Woody. In just a few hours you'll be sitting around a campfire with Andy making delicious hot schmoes!

Woody: . . . (perfect deadpan) They're called smores, Buzz. -__-

  • Again, outtakes:

 Woody turns Prospector's box around to reveal...Prospector talking to twin Barbies.

Prospector: So you two are absolutely identical? You know I could probably get you a part in Toy Story 3... (realizing they're filming) Oh, I'm sorry are we back? Well girls, lovely talking with you! Yes any time you'd like some tips on acting I'd be glad to chat with you. Now off you go!

    • The fact that he looks at their asses as they walk out just makes it even funnier.
  • The ridiculously long list of items Mrs. Potato Head tells Mr. Potato Head to bring with him:

 Mrs. Potato Head: And monkey chow!

Mr. Potato Head: Monkey chow? For what?

Mrs. Potato Head: WELL, FOR THE MONKEYS OF COURSE!!

(monkeys swarm all over Mr. Potato Head)

  • The various pranks Woody plays on Buzz during the outtakes. Such as the old "ink on the binoculars' rims" trick. Buzz takes the pranks in stride at first, but quickly gets annoyed, making the whole thing even funnier.
    • "THIS SPACE FOR RENT."
  • Yet more outtakes: the scene where Buzz is walking through the entire aisle of Buzz Lightyear toys... with Woody in one of the boxes, making the silliest expression ever at him. Cracks me up every time. Even Buzz can't resist laughing.
  • Mr. Potato Head trying to unlock the door, only for Utility Buzz to accidentally launch him in the air, followed by a genuine scream and Hamm's classy "Haha!".
  • Rex, barging in, busting everything in his path during an important scene to ask...

  Rex: How do you spell FBI?

 Andy: (pointing finger guns at Buster) Stick 'em up!

(Buster scratches his ear and leaves the room)

Andy: Eh, we'll work on it later.

  • From the "Woody's Round-Up" show:
  • Toy!Stinky Pete has a solemn, Tranquil Fury air to him; in stark contrast, Puppet!Stinky Pete is a rambunctious Yosemite Sam-type character. Watch as he comes up in the theme song; you can see Toy!Stinky doing a Face Palm.

 Puppet!Stinky Pete: Has anyone seen my pick? (Pick is in his rear)

  • Buzz and the gang are in Al's Toy Barn, where they stumble upon Tour Guide Barbie. Mr Potato Head immediately begins chanting that he is a "married spud", while Hamm tells him to step aside for the single fellas.

Toy Story 3

  • Pretty much any scene with Spanish Buzz. Why? Let me phrase it like this. So far we've seen at least 3 different multiple Buzz personalities already (Space Ranger, Enlightened and Mrs. Nesbit). Yet PIXAR has somehow managed to take the idea of a deluded Space Ranger and up it to the 11 make it new and fresh again. Plus, he's a Flamenco Dancing Astronaut, do I really need to explain?
  • Jessie's reaction to Spanish Buzz Lightyear.

 Jessie: Did you fix Buzz?

Hamm: Eh... sort of.

    • This troper had read about Spanish Flamenco Buzz before seeing Toy Story 3, and knew it was coming, so she thought the humor was ruined for her. She expected sombreros. She expected maracas. But when Buzz simply pulled up his wrist-microphone and spoke in deep, dark, intrigued, flowing Spanish, the theater broke into hysterical laughter from which there was no recovery. The same went for his 'greeting' of Woody. And his interaction with Jessie. You know what I mean. You know you felt it too.
  • And for that matter, Woody's reaction to Spanish Buzz Lightyear.
  • Or this line:

 To Jessie: "Ven conmigo, mi amor. Yo te mostraré las maravillas de la galaxia y vamos a derrotar el mal con nuestro amor."

    • -->Translated for those who don't speak Spanish "Come with me, my love. I will show the wonders of the galaxy and we will defeat evil with our love."
    • Not to mention the flamenco that comes just before it. Just try not to crack up when El Buzzo pulls that crazy-crab-walk-windmill move. You will fail.
    • This troper and her BFF are fluent in Spanish. It cracks them up because they know what he's saying.
  • Ken. Just Ken. The best is probably Buzz's reply of "Yes, Well Groomed Man!"
    • The Brazilian dubbing makes that even funnier ("Yes, plastic metrosexual!").
    • For this troper, it was the line of "You don't even know me from GI Joe!" that made her giggle. This was because her father always used to say that Barbie should end up with G.I. Joe instead of Ken because, and I quote, "Ken is too big a baby and G.I. Joe is a real man."
      • That line about G.I. Joe made me immediately think about one of Bill Engvell's jokes about Barbie cheating on Ken with an "IG Joe".
      • Heh, remember that project when a group was replacing Barbie's voice boxes with G.I. Joe's?
    • This scene after realizing the how literal that line is.

 Ken: It's almost like we were..

Ken and Barbie: -Made- for each other.

    • One of the funniest parts about him was wordless and didn't actually have him in it: when Barbie goes to pick up Buzz's operating manual disguised in Ken's astronaut suit, the bookworm notices the high heels "Ken" is wearing and gives "him" a sharp look as if to say "You know, we always kind of wondered about that boy..."

 Woody: Look, I just need to know how to get out of here.

Buttercup (melodramatically): There is no way out!

Woody: (gasps)

Buttercup: Just kidding, door's right over there.

 Jessie: Don't worry! I'll be fine! *whispers* Besides, I know about Buzz's Spanish mode.

Buzz: My what mode?

  • Any scene involving "Mr. Tortilla Head". This Troper had tears in their eyes from holding back laughter.
    • It's either this or Nightmare Fuel.
    • Especially the pigeon. Something about the way "Mr. Tortilla Head" just falls apart...
    • Just the way "Mr. Tortilla Head" flops around is silly and hilarious.
      • Or "Mr. Zucchini Head".

  "You will not BELIEVE what I've been through tonight."

  • When the Bookworm notices "Ken" is wearing pink high heels.
    • One word: "Yeesh!"
  • "Lotso is a big, evil bear. Who smells of STRAWBERRIES."
  • Chuckles. Just Chuckles. He was probably the most depressing character in the movie, but the cut to his -_____- face absolutely KILLED both the audiences this troper saw it with (including herself).
  • Barbie: "Authority should derive from the consent of the governed, not from the threat of force!"
  • During the end credits, when the gang read a letter from Sunnyside, written in very neat, curly, and pink handwriting. It is not from Barbie, as they initially think, but Ken. The kicker? He signs it "Hugs and Kisses!"

 Buzz: That Barbie's got some nice handwriting.

Jessie: Uhh... Buzz? Barbie didn't write that...

  • The line that seemed to get the most laughs in the theater comes right after Molly throws Barbie in the donation box:

 Jessie: Poor Barbie!

Hamm: I get the Corvette.

  • Woody introducing himself to Dolly cracks me up for some reason. It's the delivery of the line that nails it:

 Woody: The name's Woody.

Dolly: Woody, huh? You're gonna stick with that?

    • "Of course, you're getting this from a doll named Dolly."
  • Mr. Pricklepants: "Well, EXCUSE me, I'm trying to stay in character!"
  • The pairing of Rex and Trixie as video game partners, each getting excited about the game and then collapsing after they defeat it. The best part? Trying to high five each other even though Rex's hands are too short.
  • Despite being sort of scary and weird, brainwashed Buzz has some really funny quotes. "Quiet, musical hog!"
  • The entire opening sequence. Seriously. It's just so hilariously overblown and epic that words don't do it justice. It gets even better when you realized the whole damn thing is just Andy's playtime in the eyes of the toys.
    • "The orphans!!!"
    • "That's MISTER evil Dr. Porkchop to you!"
    • "Money, money, money!"
    • "Oh yeah? Well, we brought our FORCE FIELD GUARD DOG!
      • "Well, I brought my DINOSAUR! Who EATS FORCE FIELD DOGS!"
    • The Big Red Button labeled "DEATH BY MONKEYS."
      • And the resulting explosion.
    • The best part is that the entire scene is one long Call Back to the opening scene in the first movie.
      • Make that both movies.
  • "El Vaquero!" (The Cowboy!)
    • "Abierto!"
      • Actually, every single line said by Spanish Mode Buzz is hilarious if you've ever seen Spanish soap operas. The longer lines he says are as cheesy as the lines can get in an actual Spanish soap opera. The voice actor's over the top delivery of the lines is the cincher, though.
  • What about this line?

 "I got to get home to my owner." (Shows him his ANDY boot upside-down)

"Who's Yidna?"

"I think it's pronounced Yid- Nay."

  • Pretty much everything said by Bonnie during her playtime is a combination of this and Heartwarming Moments: "The ghosts are throwing pies!", "I have the secret ingredient-Jellybeans!", "We need a spaceship to get away from the witch!"
    • "SOMEBODY'S POISONED THE WATERHOLE!" "Poison?!" *spits out a jellybean*
      • This shot, after Bonnie's had a little too much pretend coffee. C'mon, say it with me: awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! [1]
    • And on that note, after Bonnie goes away Woody tries to find out where he is, only for the other toys to take a few seconds to remember what kind of bizarre scenario they're part of this time.
  • When Jessie admits to Woody he was right about Andy not throwing them away:

 Jessie: "Woody, we were wrong to leave Andy. I-I was wrong."

Mr. Potato Head: "Jessie's right, Woody. She was wrong!"

  "I told you kids, stay out of my Butt!"

  • "Just a dinosaur". The context, coupled with Kristen Schall's voice acting, which managed to make the line sound apologetic and dismissive, at the same time, never fails to please.
  • Though the Monkey was Nightmare Fuel for some, it's hard to hold back laughter at the telephone's speech to Woody. There's something hilarious about a dramatic briefing with the word "monkey" in it.
    • Plus, that part - and the part where Woody and his pals are escaping - just SCREAM Ocean's Eleven.
    • After being thoroughly creeped out by that monkey, seeing him in star-shaped sunglasses during the end credits was what made this troper walk out of the theater with a smile on his face.
  • I have no idea why but I love the look on Buzz's face when Woody's trying to calm the toys down pre-packing.
  • I just love the look on Woody's face when Trixie tries to tell him where they are.
  • I may be alone but this short exchange in Lotso's backstory had me laughing because it came off a little assholish:

 Lotso: "She replaced us"

Chuckles: "No, she only replaced you"

    • You are not alone on that one. But for me more because it sounded like he was just casually stating a fact.
  • The way that Lotso condescendingly calls Ken "Kenneth" always cracks me up.
  • When Barbie needs to get information from Ken. She does this by tying him up....and ripping his clothes.
  • Lotso's Fate Worse Than Death at the end. Enough said.
    • It's made even funnier by Sid appearing as the garbage truck driver.
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