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Although it lacks much of the humour of its parent show, Torchwood has had its moments.
- From "Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang":
Gwen: (to an elderly woman on the street) Excuse me, have you seen a blowfish driving a sports car? (woman points) Thank you.
Elderly lady: Bloody Torchwood.
- I'm partial to the moment where Gwen yells out "BLOWFISH!"
- Later on, Jack and John's reunion. First they dramatically walk towards each other is semi slow motion, suck face like they're in a movie, beat the ever living shit out of each other, hold each other up in a Mexican Standoff, then smile and each other and ask how the other has been.....as if this is completely normal.
- Later in that same episode:
Captain John: I think I'm starting to see what he likes about this place...she's beautiful...he's stunning...
Gwen: Don't you ever stop?
Captain John: Five minutes to live and you want me to behave? Oh, that's gorgeous...
Gwen: That's a poodle.
Captain John: It's nice! (extremely lascivious look)
- From "Sleeper":
Tosh: Nuclear warheads. Ten of them.
Ianto: It's all over.
Owen: Beat Let's all have sex.
Ianto: And I thought the end of the world couldn't get any worse.
- All of the scene following Gwen walking in on Jack and Ianto's naked makeout session on a desk, particularly the naked hide-and-seek conversation. And, in the category of unintentional puns:
Ianto: There's a package on your desk.
- From 'Greeks Bearing Gifts'
Tosh walks in, Owen's recent autopsy has gone a bit wrong and Gwen is NOT holding back.
Gwen: "It turns out that Owen has made a few mistakes. That body is what gender again, Owen?"
Owen: "A...male....a man... a very girly man!"
Gwen: "That's not all of it, remember, you said gunshot wound, right? Well what was the true cause of death?"
Owen: "Unidentified trauma."
Gwen: "Yes but what can definitely be ruled out?"
Owen: "Gunshot wound..."
Gwen: "Gunshot wound!!!! So, Owen, did you actually get any part of your diagnosis correct?"
Owen: "....I got that... It...eh...was a skeleton?"
Gwen: "Yes you did! Yes you did!"
- She's singing the "X bone is connected to the X bone" song when Tosh first walks in.
- From "Sleeper," Owen is trying to beg Tosh into setting up a phone. Tosh tells him multiple times, that the The entire. Telephone. Network. Is down! Then Ianto comes in:
Ianto: Mobiles, land lines, tin cans with bits of string, everything. Absolutely everything. No phones, phones all broken. (makes a little phone with his hands) Hello? Anyone there? No! Because the phones aren't working!
- Dead Man Walking, when it isn't awesome or tearjerkerish, has the hilarity of Owen Harper's puking scene and Jack's hilarious reaction.
- In Something Borrowed, Jack mistaking Rhys's harridan of a mother for a shape-shifting alien and holding her at gunpoint.
Jack: Don't move you shape-shifting bitch!
- And then when she protests she's not an alien:
- From Meat:
Gwen: Have you ever eaten alien meat?
Gwen: What was it like?
Jack: Well, he seemed to enjoy it.