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For Spoony's Counter Monkey series, go here.


Final Fantasy VIII

 "What in the fuck is that?!"

Subtitle: OMG TEH SATAN!

"El Diablo, NOOOO!"

      • The multiple references to how he can summon Satan at will after the battle are priceless as well.

 "A test of bravery? Seriously dude, fuck you. How about this for a test of bravery: how about I summon the fucking devil to peel your face off and fuck you in the eye sockets because I kicked his ass, and he's my bitch now?!"

 Dude, she's eighteen and she whips people! I have to go to Tijuana and pay to get women like that to pay attention to me!

  "I even used my real name! You voted for a guy named Dr. Insano!!"

    • "My election platform was to build a giant robot sawblade that would cut Canada off at the top and then attach it to Australia so they wouldn't bother us anymore! My vice president... is Fu Manchu! What the hell is wrong with you people?! I'm pretty sure that's not even legal! Oh, man, we are so going to jack this country up beyond repair!"
    • Spoony's reaction in the final episode when his least favourite piece of music from the game starts playing.
    • Dating advice from Spoony:
      • "Grrr... Squall, I am warning you--the off chance of seeing Quistis naked is about the only thing that keeps me playing this game: DO NOT SCREW THIS UP!"
      • "She doesn't want you to say anything, she just wants you to get horizontal! NO DON'T SAY THAAAAAA... I hate this game, I hate it, I hate it..."
    • "NORG THE FAT DEMANDS MORE PIE!!!"
    • Playing Michael Jackson's "Thriller" when the phony President of Galbadia revealed himself to be a zombie.
    • "Look out! It's Secret Zombie President Ronald Reagan, and he wants to eat your brains because Alzheimer's took his!"
    • Playing the soft, relaxing music over a Star Wars clip of Obi-Wan fighting Darth Maul.
      • Followed by playing the Final Fantasy victory tune when Maul kills Qui-Gon Jinn.
    • In relation to Laguna's dream sequence in which a real dragon appears instead of the prop dragon for the movie: "Remember when this happened to Christian Bale and Matthew McConaughey when they were shooting Reign of Fire?"
    • "He {{[[[Mad Scientist]] Dr. Odine}}] looks like he's wearing the Wheel of Fortune!"
    • "Game FAQs score for Final Fantasy VII: 9.5"
    • "So yeah, this is what happens when you put Squall and Selphie in charge of humanity's last hope: now there's another pissed-off ancient sorceress, the world is crawling with monsters from the moon, and Selphie is still OUT OF HER FUCKING MIND!!!"
    • I personally think it's kind of funny that the gap between the releases of Part 07 and Part 08 was almost exactly 16 months long.
    • Exposing the Fridge Logic of the game's magic use mechanic by matter-of-factly explaining how one could go into a store, buy a tent and then refine it into healing spells....or convert The Devil into 100 black holes that the player can then proceed to just carry around.
    • A minor one from Part 9, when Spoony talks about Flashbacks, and mentions Lost, showing a slip of Sayid wistfully remembering his past, and adds a clip of Bride and Prejudice with Naveen Andrews in a dance scene.


Final Fantasy X

  • His new review of Final Fantasy X named Tidus "Meg Ryan" and is running an "Ass Count" of shots of a (usually female) character's ass up close and has an "unsent" version of him ("It's gay", he says about being dead). Ah Spoony, happy days are here again.
    • Following a big epic freak-out leading to a static cut to an image of Spoony dressed as Kefka, Spoony tries to calm down and compose himself... to no avail.

 Spoony: I think I just needed to vent and kind of get it all out. I've done that and I-I-I-I kind of think I can handle this rationally from here on out.

  • cut to Tidus monologuing to soft music*

Tidus: Listen to my story.

Spoony: NO!!! FUCK YOU!!!! FUCK YOUR STORY!!!! IT SUCKS!!!!

    • "Your religion is a hollow lie! Nah yah!"
    • Spoony explaining how Blitzball is impossible:

 Spoony: You CAN'T throw a volleyball underwater. YOU CAN'T! I don't care if your Harry fucking Potter and you were riding a jet powered broomstick underwater and fired the fucking ball out of a bazooka! The ball ain't moving like this.

    • The portion of Final Fantasy X Part 2 where Tidus walks into the locker room and everyone sighs disappointedly was hilarious.

 Spoony: Heh heh heh. And Tidus wonders why that happens every time he walks into a room.

Spoony(impersonating Tidus): I'm the star player for the Zanarkand Abes! I should be rolling in pussy!

    • Spoony's reaction to the lack of urgency the heroes have in terms of their mission:

 Spoony: Well, I guess we take a break from our world-saving pilgrimage for some Blitzball. It's not like Sin roaming the countryside, devouring whole population centers this very momen-- *cut to Sin roaming the countryside, devouring whole population centers this very moment* Ooohhhhh...

    • His reaction to the infamous "laughing scene":

 Spoony: Goddamn it! Do you hear this? Do you hear this people? THIS IS THE SOUND OF MY HELL! AN ETERNITY OF THIS SOUND! AND IT NEVER! SHUTS! UUUUUUUUUUUUP!"

    • His attempt at rationalizing the chocobo knights' offensive against Sin:

 Spoony: What was the plan again? Lure Godzilla into the most feeble trap ever conceived and hope it dies of laughter?

    • His amazement over Auron, the one character he actually likes, is funny enough. The Hallelujah music in the background makes it even better.
    • The entire rant about Seymour, which ends with Spoony asking his fans to kill anyone who likes the game.

  They're, like, voters'! Kill them! Kill them all!

      • Also, his reaction when the latter summons Anima:

 Spoony: But things start looking bad for our heroes until Seymour steps in and summons a magic boat anchor to pull fucking Dagon up from hell itself to kill everything!

[Anima kills all the fiends in the stadium]

Spoony: Okay, yes. He dragged a Great Old One up in chains from Hell itself to serve him! [sounds nervous] But that doesn't make him evil! Wh-wh-why would you think that? The man's a hero! Uh... [holds up his hands in worship] Praise be to Yevon!

    • On Wakka's reaction to Chappu's death, and the absurdity of blaming the gun instead of the kaiju:

  Why would you put your trust in an assault rifle when you have a perfectly good volleyball? No, I'm never going to let the Blitzball thing go!

    • And his reaction to the "reward" he got for winning the Blitzball game, after hours of frustration:

  The game opens up an entire league of Blitzball. Oh... oh wow, no. God, no. Just no. Look, is that meant to be a reward? Do I wanna play more Blitzball? Do I wanna be waterboarded?! ARE YOU MAD?! And, it's accessible from any safe sphere. Anywhere. Fuck your blitzballs with a rusty gunblade. FUCK THIS GAME!!!

    • On Rikku's (in)famous Wetsuit Removal Scene:

  Oh, come on, seriously? Why don't you just have the underage girl deepthroat a banana while you're at it?

    • On the Shoopuf (a "dinosaur taxi"):

 Spoony: I don't know, guys, this is pretty stupid but not quite stupid enough for this game. It's just missing something...

[cut to the driver who talking in a very familiar lisp and accent ]

Spoony: Ah, good! Jar Jar Binks! Excellent! Now this is Hell.

    • "Naturally, I feel the urge to profane [Yuna's memorial ritual] with completely inappropriate music!" - Namely, R. Kelly's "Ignition (Remix)".
    • The Freudian Slippery Slope that ensues upon meeting Lulu

 So, you go into the temple ... and eventually find a group of d-ENORMOUS GAZONGAS...uh, Tits jugs Lulu- I MEAN it's just Lulu, the Boob Mage- Black Mage!... Sorry, I'm just pretty funbags-FLUSTERED!

  • Part 3 of his FFX review opens up with a Crowning Moment as he notes that what the Blitzball tournaments are missing are the Vuvuzelas and over the top football/soccer commentators.
    • Or in Part 3 when Spoony says "Ah Crap, it's another anti-magic field generator kit!" only to be interrupted by Dr. Insano marketing his Magic Negator. He goes into how indestructible and unreachable it is only to be interrupted by footage of Wakka destroying it with his Blitzball.

 Dr. Insano: And It's Rocket Powered! Not only is it cool, it takes it safely out of range of any ground based weaponry! It's Gunblade proof! It's impossible to reach and it's made of solid steel! What could anyone throw up there that could get through that?

Wakka destroys Negator with a Blitzball

Dr. Insano: (Shocked Silence) What the- A Blitzball!? Who throws a Blitzball? COME ON! That's just dumb!

    • His reaction to Wakka trying to cheer Rikku and the Al Bhed up over the destruction of their home city by saying it's "like happy festival fireworks, ya?"

 Spoony: That's like trying to cheer people up after Hurricane Katrina by saying it's like a big giant water park!

  • His extensive rant on Tidus in his Final Fantsy X review, with him growing more and more deranged, culminating with a Technical Diffuculties scene with a picture of Insano cosplaying as Kefka. Hate Hate Hate!
    • "That's why I started training at a Shaolin monastery... until I realized the lessons would be really expensive, so I just went out and bought this gun!"
    • Spoony's rant on how disgusted he is the people find Rikku (who is only 15) to be a sex symbol... until he sees a picture of woman cosplaying as her.

 Spoony: It'd be like me inventing a game where people light themselves on fire and play tennis in a cube made of bees floating in outer space.

    • "... and I hate androgynous-looking whiny, pansy-ass characters." (shows picture of Tidus, main character of this game) "D'oh, son of a bitch!"
    • Oh hai Black Lantern Spoony!
    • Rikku tells Tidus not to tell anyone he's from Zanarkand because it's a holy place in Spira and he might upset people. Cut to a scene with a caption saying "EXACTLY FOUR MINUTES LATER"...

 Wakka: You're no amateur. Who you play for?

Tidus/Meg Ryan: The Zanarkand Abes! :D

Spoony: *Banging his head against the wall *

    • "Our hero, ladies and gentlemen: too stupid to eat!"
    • Spoony full out sings "Whole New World" when Seymour tries to impress Yuna. And it's just... amazing.
      • He could have used "Suddenly Seymour", a love song that would have been much more appropriate for the scene, for obvious reasons.
    • Spoony says that if he hit (Rikku's) Jail Bait ass, he'd have a rap sheet, leading to:

 Rikku: Well, just give me five or six more years. (Slaps her ass)

Spoony: Woah! You are a prison sentence waiting to happen kid!

  • PUMPKIN HEAD!
  • In the finale, Spoony's entrance into the scene dressed as Tidus. He just looked so goddamn ridiculous its impossible not to laugh.
    • Black Lantern Spoony's present. "YOU FOOL!"
  • The characters getting ROCKED TO DEATH when Yunalesca summons Megadeth.
    • And, in the same vein, pointing out the background music for a certain fight sounds like a dog trying to sing Slayer.
      • Actually, the final part had a lot of hilarious music moments. Also included are "Poker Face" for Yunalesca, and "The Pina Colada Song" and "Cheeseburger in Paradise" for what Jecht's favorite song could be.
  • Spoony yelling at Seymour's generic nihilistic Final Fantasy villain motivation for destroying the world.
  • Mmmm... Evil blooming butt-onion.
  • Outlining the plan to stop Sin and Yu Yevon.

 Spoony: So all we have to do is defeat Godzilla with conventional weaponry, and, for an encore, climb inside his carcass and have a fistfight... with GOD!

 Spoony: I like Jecht already. If ever a little fucker needed a beating and constant emotional abuse, it's this dude. Try to look at it from Jecht's point of view; you're the greatest blitzball player (and Captain Jack Sparrow impersonator) to ever live! And this is the whiny brat who's going to inherit your family name?! Would you ever be able to deal with the shame, the cold hard fact that your loins produced such a wispy, screeching abomination? Would you ever be able to claim this sawed-off, pasty, fish faced fucking bastard as your kid? Every time that Jecht looks at this waste of lederhosen, he has got to be wondering what sin he committed to blight the world with such a blitheringly stupid cunt creature instead of the son he always wanted. I mean, how would you feel if you produced this unholy spawn, the world's greatest argument for partial-birth abortions?


Final Fantasy X-2

  • Randomly shouting "Deep wang!" when he gets especially pissed off.
  • When Spoony has to learn the Al Behd language, which he already did in FFX.

 Spoony: "Go digging for Al Behd primers in the Bikanel Desert, expose yourself to the language as much as possible." Expose yourself to my cock! I already did this shit the last fucking game, and I didn't care that time either! Hell, Rikku is one of the core characters. She's an Al Behd! She knows the fucking language! She grew up speaking the fucking language! "Go digging in the Bikanel Desert." Go digging in my shit for corn!

  • His growing rage over "the password is monkey" scene.

 Ninja: Oh hey, I wanted to double-check that clue. It's "mon," right? Nah, it's just that I heard some kids saying that it was "key."

Spoony: (unimpressed) It's "monkey."

Ninja: (laughing stupidly) Yeah, I figured it was "mon." Over and out.

Spoony: Put it together, fuckpump. It's "monkey."

Paine: The clues are "key" and "mon?"

Spoony: It's "monkey!" How do you not get this?!"

Yuna: Key-mon?

Spoony: IT'S MONKEY! MONKEY!!! YOU VAPID WHORES!

  Koopa: Monkey!

  • "Yes, she dances so poorly, it causes people to go blind. Who could possibly do a dance so horrifying it blinds people?"
  • "Stay tuned for part 2. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go use my penis on something."
  • His confusion over not being dropped off at the top of a floating island, despite a line to that effect.
  • The impression of what Wakka's been like since finding out the truth about Yevon.
  • [reading a shopkeeper's text] "I've got this key with the emblem of Besaid on it. How does-" 900,000 GIL?! Eat my tits! This ain't exactly a mint condition copy of Action Comics #1 you know. The fuck do I care about a key?!... I'll be back.
    • And then later on in the game, he returns to the store with the money to buy the key...and it's already been sold. Spoony wonders what the heck the shopkeeper's still doing there after getting that much money.
  • His horrified disgust at finding out that the goal of the game is to find Tidus.
  • His rant about why the heroes never bothered to search Zanarkand for spheres first, seeing as Tidus would never shut up about coming from there in the first game.
  • His reaction to Paine:

 Spoony: But you know, I really like the dark, brooding goth chicks, girls who wear all leather, have a lot of self-doubt, don't say much and mope all the time. If only there was a female counterpart to Squall from Final Fantasy VIII, but with big titties, so I can harbour secret fuck fantasies about him, but without it being gay.

Paine: It's a little late to be bringing that up.

Spoony: Viva Rule 63!

  • "If i wanted to see something with bad audio and no light, I'd watch one of The Cinema Snob's early episodes!"
    • Even funnier when he later apologized on Twitter, saying that Brad's early videos were still better than his, and Brad's response.
  • "This music is almost as bad as the one time I got tricked into going to The Nostalgia Chick's accordion recital."

 [Cut to Spoony on a couch, holding Kali, the Chick's Boston terrier, with a terrified look on his face while the Nostalgia Chick plays the accordion]

  • Spoony's encounter with the Massage Leblanc mini-game.
  • Spoony's reaction to the 'incestuous love triangle' sub-plot. "I would expect this sort of depravity from perverted slash-fic writers on the internet, but not you!" Doubly funny because he's probably in plenty of fanfictions with that sort of plot. And he probably knows it.
  • The nerrrrrrrve!
  • Spoony mocking Leblanc's shaky movements.
  • His description of Lucil's attire.

 Is this a uniform or... what is it? Who gets up in the morning and just decides "You know, I'll go with thigh-high boots with garters attached to my purple corset with shoulder pads, and under that, my green and yellow front-zipper turtleneck bikini. No pants, baby! That's how the Youth League rolls. No pants!"

 Spoony: Oh that is a problem, here's a solution: ASK HIM HIS FUCKING NAME!!!!

  • In episode three, Spoony points out the Fridge Logic in hosting a concert in the Thunder Plains- an area where, in the previous game, lightning would strike the player every few seconds. How does he do this? By having the audience subjected to a lethal version of the same treatment, with random lightning bolts killing spectators in massive explosions and Yuna's singing punctuated with Wilhelm Screams.
    • "Well shit... that was actually really good."
    • In a Freeze-Frame Bonus, you can find Waldo at the concert.
    • "And they decide the best course of action is..." *insert Jeopardy! write-down-answer music*
  • After finishing the review, Spoony realizes that he's going to have to fight someone from the game. It turns out to be Yuna, as portrayed by Spoony in drag.

 Spoony: Oh my god. You are the sexiest woman I have ever seen in my life.

  • Spoony ordering Oreo to bring him guns...and she instead comes back with a squeaky toy.
    • And it works.
  • Evil Burton identifying Spoony and his likes and dislikes. The likes includes Transgender/Tentacle Hentai.
  • "I'm sick of all the violence and hate in the world, so I'm gonna violently hate-fuck the world in half with my Doomsday weapon's mile-long cockgun!"
  • "Dude, why are you trying to kill me? I was pretty complimentary on your game, all things considered! ...Oh wait, I brutally murdered your boyfriend with a gunblade. Shit."
  • At the end of the review, it looks like Yuna is going to kill Spoony. Who saves the day? SEPHIROTH. All because he's a big fan of Spoony's work. And then capped off when he tosses Spoony a copy of Final Fantasy XIII and walks off.
  • Spoony's complete confusion over the nature of Tidus and Shuyin's existence. There's just something hilarious about how he rambles.
  • This bit:

 Logos: A girly man like that doesn't stand a chance without his escort.

Spoony: Ohh matron, yes!

  • Spoony's facepalm when Yuna shares her plan B: Love. Cue him playing multiple clips of facepalms, including one from Naked Gun 3.
  • Spoony's Call Back to Wakka's What the Hell, Hero? moment from the first game, namely telling Wakka to think of Happy Festival Fireworks when the idea of burning down the temple in Wakka's hometown when the building was overrun with friends.

Let's Play - Deadly Premonition

  • Spoony's commentary in the beginning when two young twin boys spot a half-naked dead woman in a tree- and then proceed to play with the ladybug they have found as if nothing has happened:

 Spoony: Well, that's one memory they've locked away for a future therapy session.

    • "Adam Sandler is... Dale Cooper!!!"
    • The entire sequence with the absurdly long hotel table. "I got this table from the Last Supper. Jesus wasn't using it. He said I could have it."
      • Funniest thing? The game was in on the joke. After a few Spoony's jokes about them not hearing each other, the protagonist actually shouts "Miss, I'm sorry but I can't hear you from this side of the table!"
    • Joking that the music in the hotel dining room is the Mario theme, he hums the Mario theme only to realize how close they are and utters a bemused "What the hell?"
      • Looking at the video it seems that he said that in response to the extremely long dinner table in the Hotel.
    • Noting "Police" brand cigarettes, "Bandage" brand band-aids, and of course the pickle brand known as "The Pickles.
    • "So what do you do when you're driving through the woods at 80 miles an hour? Surely there's some way to arrest your movement. Oh, hitting a rock, that's how you do it."
    • "If only cars had something that could be used to light a cigarette OHHHHHHH JESUS!"
    • While looking through his wardrobe choices, including a red suit: "So I can just change my tie, or I can look like a complete asshole." One guess which one he chooses.
    • "I just killed Al from Home Improvement!"
    • "Oh, no! I got the fuse box! I am carrying with me my greatest nemesis!"
      • Does this count as Foe Yay? He has his enemy in his pocket...
    • "And I get...a...lollipop...What?!"
    • "I should report back to headquarters and give them an update." *picks up phone* "HELP THERE ARE ZOMBIES OUT HERE THEY'RE KILLING ME. PLEASE SEND HELP IMMEDIATELY I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DOOOOO!"
      • After a few more conversations with "Zach": *picks up phone* "I'd better let the spaceship know how I'm doing."
    • "Oh no! Stop her!! SHE'S MAKING BALLOON ANIMALS!!!"
    • His reaction to the limbo-ing zombies. "How low can you go for braaaaaains."
      • Also with a hillbilly-dressed zombie: "Must GIT-R-DOOOONE, then get braaaaaains."
    • After the hero's umpteenth mention of his imaginary friend Zach along with seeing a vision in his coffee, a perfectly understated "Okay, I'm starting to suspect that this guy is not a real FBI agent."
    • Instantly upon seeing the elderly hotel manager: "She did it. I'm calling it."
    • Spoony constantly comparing the zombies to the Joker.
      • "Why so serious?"
        • "Melvin?"
          • "My father... was a drinker. And a fiend..."
      • "Oh God, now the background music has kazoos."
    • And it’s about now that I get jumped... Thank you. Yes, assume the limbo position.
    • The constant instances of It Makes Sense In Context dialogue. Highlights include:
      • "Are you on the trading card I just received?"
      • "It’s not fair, you’re supposed to limbo!"
    • "Any game that doesn’t feature a diaper changing mini game instantly loses two stars in my opinion, just like, right off the top."
    • "Oh, hell with it, let’s do it right here on the table!"
    • The game proving that timing is the cornerstone of comedy:

  Spoony (as York): I can hear you much better now that the music's stopped! [The music instantly starts up again] (frustrated) Oh...

    • [During York's dream]

 Boy: York! York!.................

Spoony: .................. YES, may I help you little boy?

  • "Okay kids, time to go ho-AAAAH, JESUS CHRIST, MY LORD AND SAVIOR! THE FUCK IS THAT?! WHAT DID YOU DO?!"
  • "You have to manage your hunger, sleepiness and boredom levels. It's like a combination between Silent Hill and The Sims. Or you'll just pee all over yourself."


Let's Play - Phantasmagoria

  • The Spoony One's take on Phantasmagoria 2 will have you laughing uncontrollably about every ten seconds. Really amazing stuff considering it's his first full LP, and it's the first time he's played the game. "Phantasmagoria: The Quest for the Wallet!" "Oh my god, it's a gay version of me!" "All right, World of Warcraft, let's dance!" "Someone has sand in his vagina!" "When the bouncer at the scummy club knows your date by her first name, it's not a good sign!"
    • All the slightly Hypocritical Humour where Spoony paints Curtis as a massive nerd. Lampshaded at one point with "This man wants to bring back Sliders! ...or that might just be me."
    • "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! HE WAS MY TOKEN GAY FRIEND!"
    • "Oh my God, Jocilyn, head for the exit! The ducks--they found me! I don't know how, but they found me!"
      • "PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUL WARNER!"
    • "What is love/baby don't hurt me...." Made all the funnier by the sheer, ridiculous Big Lipped Alligator Moment it accompanies.
    • Crazy Joey Fatone's random babbles during one of the freakouts, "There's my taco Salad!" "Pizza, pizza, pizza" "Everybody in the POOOOOOOL".
    • "MY ASS!"
    • "There's no 'I' in Evilcorp, Thomas...well, actually there is."
    • "This Sudoku is diabolic!"
    • "I heard that, Curtis"
    • "You'd get more plot and character development out of a fucking Tamagotchi!"
    • [Curtis has a vision of Therese screaming in the mirror] "Oh my god, I had sex with Curtis!"
    • "Why does he have a disco in his secret lab? (Beat) You spin me right round, like a record, baby, right round..."
    • "George Romero presents: Bob of the Dead"; And:

 Zombie!Trevor: Gaaaaaay..

Zombie!Tom: Rogaaaaine..

Zombie!Bob: My glasses are fiiiiixed..

    • "It's a Glo-Worm. I used to have one of these as a kid. See you'd squeeze it and it'd glow and keep you all safe at night. And...it's going right in my pants."
    • His impersonation of Dr. Frank n Furter was downright hilarious and very good as well.
      • "So, come on up to the lab and...see what's on the slab."
    • What happens when Curtis wastes a little too much time:

 Curtis: I love you, Blob...

Spoony: (deep breath) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHH! You know, if the game itself isn't going to take a fucking interest in the storyline then why the hell should I?!

    • "Oh no... Emo Powers... fading... Crawling in my skiiiiiiiiiin....."
    • "It's fun to stay at the Y... arrrrgh..."
    • "Curtis just had a vision of gore, and I flashback to the 80's for a minute there."
    • He has Curtis call himself, which results in a demonic voice calling him a "motherlicking" something-or-other. "Man, I gotta change my answering machine. (beat) Let's do it again!"
    • This hysterical bit:

 Spoony: Oh, I know what we gotta do! We gotta call Bob, 'cause you know something bad is gonna happen! The way his day's goin'...

Bob: (on phone) You murdered me.

(Curtis hangs up and the phone rings)

Spoony:' Watch, it's Bob. "Ratboy, you bastard, don't hang up on me!"

Bob: Don't hang up on me, you murdering, psycho son-of-a-bitch!

(Spoony cracks up)

    • In the part at the end where Spoony parodies the phone part (and one of his own running gags), this part shines through:

 Spoony: (Scoffs) Like I really want to talk to Batman.

(The phone rings)

Batman:' I heard that, Noah.

    • Spoony constantly wondering if various people want to see Curtis' screwdriver.
    • Then during Therese's death:

 Therese: Who's there? *opens curtains*

Spoony: Hi, my name's Noah!

Therese: *Screams*

Spoony: *disappointed* Awww...

    • "Oh, sorry, didn't mean to scare you. This is Satan, I was just using your bathroom. I'll be right out."
    • While in the process of showing everything in his inventory to the psychiatrist:

 Psychiatrist lady: You look like you're having fun.

Spoony: I wish I was having fun...

    • There's also his numerous comments to the effect that since absolutely everyone is hot for Curtis, it'd be easier for them to just have an orgy.
    • And unquestionably the greatest ending to an LP ever. Seriously, just watch it.
      • In particular the bit where he parodies the way Curtis always seems newly surprised that his computer/phone/mirror etc goes supernatural and attacks him every time (presumably because the FMV clips could have been played in different orders) by calling people on his phone and getting more shocked every time something happens.
  • When they talked about the banality of evil, I'm pretty sure this wasn't what they were talking about.
  • "Ve are taking our relationship to ze next level, Die Wundersex. Your safe word is Fafernugereinenklienerschinsselbach und from now on you're my dirty altar boy".
    • Spoony's reaction to the next scene where Curtis is dangling from celing-mountained chains in his room - first hysterical laughter, then questioning the details:

  Spoony: Think of all the preparation this must have took. She had to go to a hardware store, get a stepladder, a stud finder, thirty feet of chain...She had to get a power drill, an extension cord, something to cut the chain with, she had to special-order the leather underwear and harness. That's gotta be 200 pounds hanging from the ceiling there."

  • "And he shoved the toolbox UP HIS ASS!" (Since it is not visible on the ingame character, only in his inventory.)
  • "And now Columbia is hitting on me. Ya know, if I keep coming back here I'm sure every cast member of Rocky Horror will want to have sex with me."
  • At one point, before finding out Therese's name, Spoony refers to her as "Horny the elf".
  • Tom writing Tifa/Cloud bondage smut fic while working late at the office.

 "Tifa's enormous milky-white breasts were slick with perspiration as they heaved against the cruel bonds of her black leather bodice. She struck Cloud again with the whip and said "Do you like that little boy?" "Oh yes Tifa, I do," he said."

 "Y'know, if he put that on, it'd be a bi-curious jacket... y'know, cuz it's a strait-jacket and he's bi-curious..."

"Hey look; electronic mail! ...I'm sorry, I'll do it again." *slap* "I'm a bad boy..."

"I know I've been hard on this actress, but she's not -that- bad... in fact, I've grown rather phoned of her." *slap* "Ow..."

"Y'know, I've had such a bug up my butt these last few days..." *slap* "Ow, I'm sorry..."

"Even though it wasn't technically on the desk, Curtis did end up boning her after all, so I'm awarding full points! Hehe! I mean it was boning, just not in the way you'd thought it would be, heehee..." *slap* "Hey ow, that was involuntary!"

Any time the milquetoast Curtis tries to be self-confident:

 Trevor: ...But here I am on time, fresh as a daisy!

Curtis: A daisy, huh? You know, I could say something.

Spoony: --if I were wittier.

  • Bob the murder scene. "Would it be inappropriate to sing 'Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead?'", "Oh he was my sworn blood enemy." "Look, killing Bob wasn't as important to be as crushing his everlasting soul and humiliating him." "He was a weapon's grade douche nozzle."


Let's Play - SWAT 4

  • There's also his Let's Play of SWAT 4, which includes his legendary spazzing whenever the SWAT officers complain about the player being in their way.

 Girard: "You're in my spot, sir."

Spoony: "You son of a bitch I swear to God...!"

Girard: "You're in my way, sir."

Spoony: "You MOTHERFUCKER, I will PUNCH you in the fucking SOUL, you FUCKING asshat!"

    • Bonus points for it being same officer almost every time.

 Spoony: REYNOLDS!

      • Subverted in one of the later videos:

 Jackson: "That's my mark you're at."

Spoony: "Oh, you ass-- wait, you're not Reynolds! Who the fuck are you?!"

      • Also, at one point, Reynolds gets incapacitated, and Spoony just gloats over his body.

 Spoony: Who's in the way now, bitch?

      • He does likewise with not-Reynolds when he gets killed immediately following the above exchange (and another flashbang screw-up.

 Spoony: It's good you're dead, I'M GLAD!!!

    • First mission:
    • Also, whenever he tries to equip pepper spray to restrain someone, but accidentally equips a breaching charge instead.

 Spoony: "Bitch I've got a bomb!"

    • Even funnier is when randomly at the end of the mission he pepper sprays the old woman just for the sake of it (it's justified if only because she's housing a total psychopath serial killer of a son).

 Spoony: "Oh yeah, didn't wanna leave without saying hello to you!"

 Spoony: "No, no, no it's not ending this way. Seriously, I'm sorry I injured a fellow officer, but it's not ending this way! I AM BURNING THIS FUCKER DOWN! Burn it! Fire it up! Fire it up! Fire it up!"

Shortly after the discovery of the child graveyard in the basement, SWAT Commander Spoony reported the discovery of an armed incendiary device near the cult's stockpile of liquid fertilizer. He ordered a withdrawal of the team to await the bomb squad, but the device 'unexpectedly' detonated before their arrival, destroying the entire building. No police officers were injured, but tragically, the device exploded before the kiddie-murdering cultists could be evacuated from the scene. There were no survivors. No further investigation is planned.

      • Also, "'All right, you sci-fi wizard fuckers! Here's a stinking cloud!' Mwahaha!" [throws CS]
    • Spoony orders his team to open a door and flash-bang the room, but unfortunately a suspect is standing directly on the other side of the portal...

 Spoony: Crap, he's standing in the door! Don't throw the gren-

(the flash-bang rebounds off the suspect and explodes in the middle of the SWAT team, the screen turns white and the sound is killed)

Spoony: YOU FOOL!

(screen fades out while Spoony is still screaming in rage in the background)

    • Episode 11 comes full circle--Spoony flings a flashbang himself and blinds his entire team. He immediately shouts "YOU FOOL!" then pauses, and says "No, wait, ME FOOL!"
    • After Spoony accidentally shot and killed two of his teammates:

 "DIE! DIE! DIE YOU FUCKER! FUCK YOU GUYS TOO!"

      • Also:

 (Attempt #3) "Oh, you fucker! You ran right in front of me and you shot me for that?"

(Attempt #4) "Oh, you STUPID FUCK! You ran right in front of my assault rifle! AGAIN!"

    • "No, not stairs! (Whiny) My foot is owie..."
    • The 13th and final mission of the game begins with his teammates bitching about him being in the way before he's even given control of his character.

 Reynolds: "You're in my spot."

Spoony: You son of a bitch! What the fuck are you talking about?!

Reynolds: "Get out of the way!"

Spoony: "What the fuck! I didn't even start this level yet!"

Reynolds: "Boss, you're in my way!"

Spoony: "What the fuck are you--This is the spawn point, you fucking assminer! I oughta shoot you in the eyes right now!"

 Spoony: "Until next time, President Carter... ... Y-yes, I love you too."

  • "And according to the game, that wasn't a bad job for a non-sworn officer. Now, a real SWAT man would have charged in there with a taser gun and a whiffle bat and brought 'em all back alive."
  • If this is a Rage Monkey lab, I'm joining the terrorists. You know how far I'm willing to go to stop the Rage Monkeys (also a Call Back to Riff on Ripper).
  • That moment in Mission 7 where Spoony orders his Blue Team to stack up on a door, only to have one of the team members come out of the door to get in his position.

 Spoony: He cleared the room, opened the door, then threw in the grenade and cleared the room twice.

  • During the third mission of The Stetchkov Syndicate, Spoony finds a suspect hiding in the freezer. After detaining him, he then proceeds to verbally abuse him, tase him, lock him back in the freezer and then wedge the door shut.
    • Later on, he spends several minutes trying to hunt down a roaming gunman through the level, only to find him eventually in the kitchen. Spoony deduces he was trying to get his buddy out of the freezer.
  • During one mission, he sings a portion of Escape Club's "Wild Wild West".

 Spoony: Yeah, you'll have that song stuck in your head for about a week. You're welcome!

  • After you've watched the whole series and become fully versed in the whole "You're in my way" Berserk Button, it's pretty funny to go back to Video 2, where it happens for the first time and Spoony's reaction could almost be called calm. From an acorn grows a great oak...


Let's Riff - Ripper

 "...For I am Saruman Ringmaker, Saruman of MANY COLORS!"

    • "Let me try something. HEY CATHERINE!"
    • Christopher Walken reading Twilight, Moby Dick and Watership Down, as well as a few other books.
    • RAGE MONKEYS!
    • And then there's the beginning of act 3, part 1. In the previous video Farley's stomach exploded in front of Quinlan.

 Quinlan: There's nothing like a guy blowing up on you to focus your attention.

Spoony: Sounds like the tagline for a bukkake video.

 Quinlan: [turns around] I heard that.

Spoony: Curtis!

    • "If it was this annoying and hellish just to get into a public library, just imagine what you gotta do to get the kind of illegal Asian porn I like!"
  • From the next part of Ripper:
    • "Let's see what we've got...beer bottles, pizza, porno mags, and a Game Boy DS. Hey, wait, this is my room!"
    • "Yes, Mr. Quinlan, people love to download the dying screams of monkeys. Why do you think Mariah Carey is so popular?"
    • This little exchange cracks me up.

 Vigo: Ah, please, have a seat...now, let me tell you how you fucked me...

Spoony: Wh-wh-what?

Vigo:...and how I am going to fuck you.

Spoony: Okay, this conversation got off to a weird start.

    • And this awesome gem.

 Spoony: Okay, spill it Burton! What day is the monkey revolt!? TELL ME WHERE THE BOMB IS!!!

    • "Why did you hide the one thing that can kill the fucking Ripper, you insane old man!
    • But here's what really happened: clip from The Tenth Kingdom, where the game's star played Wolf.
    • "Eat my ninja energy shuriken, monkey queen! HADOOKEN!"
    • In the Prologue, as Quinlan cradles the injured Catherine in his arms.

 Spoony: We're winding up to a big ol' "Nooooooo!"...

Quinlan: FUCK!

Spoony: [through surprised laughter] ...or that works too, I guess.

    • Spoony's perpetual iPhone jokes regarding the Wireless Access Console (WAC), claiming he has one, but not the much-coveted 'swirly blue thing' model:

  Spoony: Aww man, even he has a phone with the swirly blue thing on it! I mean, come on! I was gonna wait until the 4G model comes out, and then I'll all the features I'll ever want! Oh! I hear next week they're losing exclusivity with Trans-net, so maybe when I get my 4G version of the phone I can get it with Verizon!

  Spoony: Hey man, if I'm not raiding her lost ark or going to her temple of poon then she ain't worth knowing...

Movie Reviews

  • An older one, and written, but his review of Cutthroat Island is one of the funniest things this troper has ever read in the world of Mystery Science Theatreing.
  • His review of Yor, the Hunter from the Future is packed with CMOF. "We will need a lot more hemp before we're through"; "purple cavemen"; "that's the fifth civilisation Yor's destroyed so far!"; and of course "the Most Awesome Thing Ever Filmed".
  • The Clones of Bruce Lee review features Spoony, Spencer D. Bum, and Dr. Insano on the same couch. An impressive split screen effect that leads to much hilarity ensuing, including his self-proclaimed darkest joke ever involving the death of Brandon Lee.

 Insano: You don't want to mess with Bill Nye! He will own your ass! WITH SCIENCE!

    • Dr. Insano's outrage at the movie's Mad Scientist's lame inventions: first a chemical capable of killing any plant:

 Insano: Ooooh, yes! With my latest invention I'll burn my name into the White House lawn and then the world will kneel at my feet! Ahahahahah! You just invented Roundup weed killer, you moron!

    • ...and a formula capable of turning people into "living bronze":

 Insano: Yes, bronze! The hardest metal known to man! The armies of the world will be helpless before my legions of bronze troopers unless they have bombs...or...guns...or...anything.

    • At the beginning of the review, when Linkara is planning to clone Spoony, he decides to program the clone to promote his Revolution of the Mask graphic novel. In the second part, two of the Bruces go to a beach where topless naked women are standing around...and they're censored by a Revolution of the Mask ad.
      • Linkara's initial attempt to revive Spoony by hitting his remains with a hammer. And then we are informed what happened when he tried punching reality.
    • Dr. Insano's reaction to seeing "Bruce Lee" in tiny pink shorts.
    • His commentary of the said video is interrupted by Bolo Yeung's on-screen appearance.

 "...I got some kind of kick when I was checking out exploitation flicks, and things like that. I think the name of it just CHONG LI! CHONG LI! ...I have to shout it every time I see Bolo."

 Insano: I brought SCIENCE! (is shot)

  • The entire review for Robowar, but particularly Ed Glaser's cameo as a SWAT officer.

 You're in my way, sir.

    • This review needs more than just that, surely. What about Spoony's comments on the inexplicable nature of the conversations in this movie, going straight from weird nicknames to BAM (Big Ass Motherfuckers??) to Vietnam for absolutely no reason. Or the entire scene with the briefing that didn't happen?

 The Commander: Alright, men! You deploy at 0600. (beat) Any questions?

Bloodfist: Uh... Who're you?

The Commander: I'm afraid that's classified. Technically, I don't exist. ... I'm not here. ... We're not having this briefing.

Bloodfist: We didn't have a briefing.

The Commander: Good man.

Bloodfist: No seriously. You just walked in here and said we were leaving at 0600.

The Commander: No I didn't.

    • Also Spoony recreating the Awesome musical score by tapping only one piano key over and over again while flexing with his other arm.
  • "The Funniest Thing Ever Recorded on Film" from his review of Strike Commando lives up to its name on its own. But it was rendered even funnier when it premiered during the Channel Awesome fundraiser drive (starting at 98:16), as the microphones were not cut during the video, and Reb Brown's overacting is accentuated by the assembled Channel Awesome team totally losing it. Not to mention after the video is over, and Spoony recreates the scene with Doug as the dying little boy.
    • It helps that the scene in question is the single most narmtastic thing ever devised by man.
    • "I've seen way too many fucking movies..."
      • "We'll need a lot more hemp before we're through."
    • "So, uh, what's your ETA? Over."
    • "For Stalin!" "For Disneyland!!"
    • "SURPRISE BUTTSEXSKY!"
    • "The guy does have one important thing working for him, and that's his balls. Wait, no, sorry, his balls are two things. Um, his movies are balls...have balls."
    • Spoony's mind boggling at how one of the characters seemingly knocks another one over just by doing a pelvic thrust.
    • "(Describing the boxart) There are thousands of people trying in vain to kill our beefy, bulging hero; his face is frozen in the eternal howl of rage and defiance as he shoots the biggest machine gun in the world with a grenade launcher mounted on what seems to be six rotating Gatling barrels which are all firing simultaneously. I can't even begin to tell you in how many ways this fucking gun is impossible."
    • The re-tooled montage at the end of the movie, where Ransom lays siege to an import-export office in Manila, and then blows up the Colonel. Complete with Crowning Music of Awesome.
    • Spoony's slack-jawed expression of awe after Reb blows up Jakoda and catches his metal dentures.
    • "They're almost indestructible." "Yeah, if only soldiers wore armour made out of radios."
  • From the Santa With Muscles review:
    • Spoony tying the reckless paintball driving scene with one of WCW's most notorious angles:

 Spoony: And that puts a long standing wrestling mystery to rest--Hogan drove the hummer!

(Beat)

Spoony: See, the old school wrestling fans out there, they just got a chuckle out of that; the other 99% of you? (makes went-over-your-head gesture) Woo~!

    • Dr. Insano spoofing the "dramatic Lysol spraying" scene by sitting on the toilet taking a dump and then spraying two Air Wick cans with a dramatic sweeping motion with ominous music playing. And then ironing his labcoat followed by a dramatic iron sweep.
    • The sight of Dr Blight's (no, not that Dr. Blight) semi frozen body being dubbed with "I WAS FROZEN TODAY!"
    • "...Clint Howard?! Clint, dude...I wouldn't ordinarily say this, but...this is beneath you!"
    • If you ever ask someone if they can do something for you and their response is * maniac giggling* OH YEAH! HAHAHAHAHA! ... Find someone else!
  • His reviews of the Reb Brown Captain America films.

 "That's the coward's way out, and you know it, Critic!"

 "This is the song written for the fight scene! He's got to find Christopher Lee! He tried to kill him with a forklift!"

  • The Space Thunder Kids review. What convinces him that a room in the Hilton is worth watching such a crappy movie? Lars, the in-room personal ass-wiper. The awed expression on his face as he comes out of the bathroom is breathtaking.
    • Sage pulling out a list of shows and films Space Thunder Kids ripped off....which happens to be the size of a phone book.
  • He does the Nostalgia Critic scream seven times upon seeing the box art for the Wing Commander movie.

 Spoony: (head in hand) You know that old saying, "Never judge a book by its cover"? Well fuck you; that's books, not movies!

  Scientology is the one true religion!

    • "You wish you could make a movie half as awesome and gay as Top Gun. It just can't be done."
    • "Fucking Freddie Prinze Jr. couldn't command fucking wings at a fucking KFC!"
    • His reaction to everyone being very quiet so the Kilrathi destroyer doesn't hear them.

  Sound doesn't carry in a vacuum! They could have Slayer performing in the galley while shoving a cat in a garbage disposal, AND NOBODY OUTSIDE THE SHIP WOULD HEAR ANYTHING!!!!"

 Spoony: How do you buttfuck an entire series in twelve minutes?!

    • "Why am I in a Starfleet uniform!?"
    • Spoony referring to the two goons Katana sends out as the "Insano Brothers."
      • "So, the entire Insano family comes from the planet Zeist? Actually, that explains a lot..."
      • After the "Insano Brothers" arrive giggling and doing a silly little dance: "Ladies and gentlemen, THE CONQUERORS OF ZEIST! Seriously, how bad is your rebellion when you lose to THESE GUYS?"
      • "Yes, that's what I need to defeat McCloud. Flying monkeys! You two, come over here, I have a plan."
    • "MacLeod is at Bar having Drink..."
    • "And remember, THIS was plan A. I'd hate to see the fucking B squad!"
    • At the end of the review, Spoony slowly realizes that all Highlander sequels and spin-offs were bad. Cue double facepalm:

 Spoony: "There should have been only one."

    • "Hey Noah, where's the ark?!"
      • "Oh and by the way, just because I do actually happen to have an ark in the backyard has nothing to do with the fact that my name is Noah, and when the polar ice caps finally melt, flood the earth, and destroy all life, I am not gonna let any of you dickweeds who made fun of me in!"
    • "Okay, he's dead! The Foley guy is running out of celery!"
    • "Ooooh! He's not Dr. Cox any more!"
    • Adding in a Dr. Cox rant as the bad guy falls out the window.
    • Dr. Insano's reaction to the unveiling of the planetary shield:

 Scientist: They will remember this day for a thousand years: the day we protected the planet from the Sun.

Insano: The horrible life giving Sun! We finally defeated it with SCIENCE!

  • From his review of Mazes and Monsters, the cameo of Wiseau!Benzaie.
    • The Call Back to his Dragonstrike review at the end. "The only reason I kill people is to get an erection. ... WAIT!
    • Spoony's various hats.
      • Even Burton gets one at the end!
    • "So I guess this movie is the second worst thing that happened to [the Twin Towers]... *cue booing crowd*
    • Playing the ending narration of Monster-A-Go-Go after the monster hallucination in the cave.
    • Creator Breakdown at its funniest:

 Daniel: Just gimme a little more time, okay?

Mom: Daniel, this is a very competitive world, and you're going to have to live in it! Now! Not later, but now! Later, you're not going to be able to find a job! Later, they're going to want the computer expert from MIT, not a game player from that Grant University!

Spoony: And much later the Indians and Chinese are going to radically underbid domestic companies for software contracts, so go to MIT now while you still can! Because god knows by the year 2000 your computer science degree will be fucking useless...(grows more distraught) and you'll be stuck at home trapped forever in a hopeless fucking purgatory with a fucking blue robot, reviewing shitty movies and horrible Final Fantasy games! (increasingly hysterical) And I can't stand it anymore! What the fuck has become of my life?! (draws gun) I'M GONNA BURN THIS WHOLE FUCKING PLACE TO THE GROUND! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--

(TV static, then smash cut to a picture of several LEGO men in white clothes trying to restrain a panicky LEGO man with the caption "We'll be right back! Time for my medicine!" while cheerfully upbeat music[1] plays)

    • "People are naturally afraid of Al-Qaeda, or catching the gayness, or illegal immigrants or the Jews."
    • Talking about how there were rumours of him being a Satanist for playing D&D, or being gay for participating in drama club. "I was a gay Satanist, I was just positively evil." (complete with flamboyant hand wave)
    • The way he says, "And so, LARPing was born! Dignity died shortly thereafter."
    • When one of the characters in-movie says, "You have two questions." Spoony puts in his own, "Uh, what do Jack's tattoo's mean? Gah, that's stupid!"
    • "WARNING: the following clip will completely ruin your ability to enjoy any Tom Hanks movie you'll ever see again."
    • The DM's Thousand-Yard Stare[2]. And for that matter, any time Spoony makes reference to how DnD is actually played, compared to how the movie thinks it's played.
    • "That's not funny! Man, I've been there!" And, cue flashback to 2002 when Spoony blacked out playing FFVIII and woke up carrying a bloodstained gunblade.
    • "See, this is what happens when you let scientologists treat the mentally ill".
    • "Oh my god. People finding a healthy outlet for dealing with their real life problems? Those evil bastards should be round up and drowned in ammonia!"
    • "Oh sorry, I sort of lost interest in your boring-ass talking so I started playing some Bayonetta. Are there titties in this movie?"
    • This one is more Hilarious in Hindsight, but the part where Spoony says with disgust that there's nothing worse in a D&D group than two players who are dating is even funnier if you follow his campaign, which at one point is joined by Linkara and Iron Liz, who are currently dating.
    • "Yeah, well, you know these damn kids with their hobbits and their rings of power. You think this game of Mazes and Monsters got out of hand? You should have seen it when third edition came out." [dramatic close-up of Spoony] "At nights, I can still smell the bodies in the streets..."
  • His getting more and more frustrated over the use of vampire tropes in Howling II.
    • "THAT'S VAMPIRES!"
    • The "Christopher Lee Audiobook Collection" segment.
    • "How do you make a sequel to a movie hoping the audience never saw the first one? [poster of Highlander II] Duh!"
    • His utter glee at managing to work once again the line "Can't we get beyond Thunderdome ?" into a review.
  • From his Highlander the Source review:
    • Spoony parodying the opening voiceover:

 Anna: Immortals. 1. They can only be killed with the loss of their head. 2. They gain more power by killing other Immortals. 3. They cannot have children.

Spoony: [falsetto] 4. They're aliens from the planet Zeist but nobody likes to talk about it. 5. This series hasn't been relevant since Sean Connery jumped ship like the first white bitch off the Titanic.

    • Highlander: Sitcom.
    • His reaction to Giovanni's haircut.
      • In the commentary Spoony mentions how Giovanni kept reminding him of someone but he couldn't put his finger on it, something which bugged him immensely. He finally discovered who when he posted the video and dozens of commenters all asked the same thing: "What is Albert Wesker doing in this movie?"
    • "OhcrapcrapcrapIdidn'tthinkthisthrouuuuuuugh..."
    • Naming one of the immortals Film Brain. And later using Lord Kat's Catch Phrase: "You're gonna die. A lot."
    • "Oh crap, it's The Wicker Man!! Not the BEES!! AAARGH..!!
    • His entire reaction to the cover of "Princes of the Universe" -- mouthing "What the fuck is this shit?!" as they start up and his rant afterwards, not to mention all of the simply priceless faces that he makes throughout.

 Spoony: FREDDIE MERCURY IS SPINNING IN HIS FUCKING GRAVE RIGHT NOW! HIGHLANDER TWO NEVER REACHED THIS LEVEL OF ABJECT FUCKNESS!!!

      • According to the commentary, when Spoony and Miles first saw The Source, there were so many stupid moments that they had to pause the movie briefly several times in sheer disbelief. When they got to the cover, they stopped the movie and couldn't work up the nerve to go on for a whole hour.
    • He concludes his review of all the crappy Highlander sequels by "beheading" his Atari Jaguar with the Highlander game in it. With his gunblade. Sadly, no Quickening ensues, though he tries to get one to start.
    • During the final battle between Duncan and the Guardian, he plays "Yakety Sax" from The Benny Hill Show over the fight. And that's the extent of editing the footage...the final battle really is that stupid.

 Spoony: I'm almost convinced they stole the entire fight choreography from a battle between Bugs Bunny and Daffy fucking Duck!

  • From Dr. Insano's review of The Dungeon Master:
    • "I wasted $1.99 renting this movie, and I will have my revenge!"
    • Insano discovering that the film is the source of Adam Savage's "I reject your reality and substitute my own" quote from Myth Busters.
    • The scene where the hero blows up the members of W.A.S.P. resulting in the This Is Spinal Tap clip where Spinal Tap talks about the drummer who spontaneously combusted during a performance.
    • Insano finding another way to get footage from Final Fantasy X-2 without playing it.
    • Insano's reaction to Paul using a laser to defeat the challenge YET AGAIN!

 Insano: Well, go on. You'll never guess. Paul's shown so much innovation and creativity solving all the problems up to this point he's like freaking Macgyver. Guess how he does it? Go on. Guess! GUESS!

  • From his review of Cage:
    • "Hey what, next thing you're going to tell me is that professional wrestlers don't fight for real."
    • "Billy, tell Hulk about Disneyland.
    • Spoony's response to how the film's villain is forcing the Lou Ferrigno character to fight again in thirty minutes after he's already fought two matches:

 Spoony: You're booking TNA Impact, aren't you?

    • The "USA: 9.7" gag with the fruit stand/corkscrew aerial crash. The dopey look on his face is icing on the cake.
    • "I like wrestling, but I hate fighting, but I like wrestling, but..."
    • EVERYONE RUN FOR YOUR LIVES, HE'S HULKING OUT!!!
    • Most, if not all of the constant Hulk jokes in this review are just classic.
    • "I haven't been this uncomfortable watching a mentally handicapped person wrestle since Eugene in the WWE!"
    • "Great! Now we've got a brain-damaged, 300 pound bodybuilder who's also retard-strong and who hallucinates other people are Vietcong!"
    • Calling Lou's fights against two people a Handicap Match and getting booed for it.
  • From the Cage 2: Arena Of Death review:
    • "Hulk sense disturbance in the force."
    • "Mmmmm, Watcha saaaaaaaaay..."
    • "Your next fight is against "The Great One" [The opening of The Rock's WWE entrance video & theme plays]
    • "I didn't mean to kill that little guy!"

 Spoony: Uhhhh, yes you did!

 Spoony: BLASPHEMY!!!!

    • When he sees that one of the opponents that Lou fights is Malibu (From American Gladiators, as well as the Warrior from the Dragonstrike VHS), he puts in post-match footage of Malibu being interviewed.

 Malibu: I saw this guy coming...and I took the most excellent hit of my life...and I'm fine today!

    • His take on how deadpan the announcer sounds doing the commentary
    • His comments on the overuse of stock sounds and screams, including a man in the audience cheering with the YYYEEAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!! scream
    • On Reb's costume:

 Spoony: *laughs* Oh come on! What did they do, buy the costume at Wal-Mart? He looks like a Spanish conquistador! Actually my first thought was that he kinda looks like Locklear from Betrayal At Krondor... Oh God... I just made a Betrayal At Krondor reference in Two-Thousand-and fucking-Eleven... I don't get out much...

  • From his review of Mercenary Fighters, his recap of the basic plot of the film.

 Spoony: Only Reb Brown could bring us a story this deep and nuanced. It's just got so many layers; it's got historical parallels, conflicted loyalties, a sense of discovery, and it's tale about starcrossed lovers. It's about a marine sent to a far away land to help the government evict a native populace so they can exploit the area's natural resources, but after observing the native culture, he falls in love with his guide and becomes inspired by their noble sacrifices to maintain their way of life. At the end, he and his wisecracking pilot friend realise they've been fighting for the wrong side, join the rebellion and drive off the invaders after a climactic final battle. Only Gollun & Globus could come up with a movie so complex & visionary. I mean, where the hell else are you going to see a movie like this?

[Burton has been holding a copy of Avatar for the last part of Spoony's recap.]

    • WARNING: What follows is the manliest thing ever recorded on film. Your balls may drop off in shame at the mere knowledge that you will never in your entire life do something half this manly
    • His (Rather justified) reaction to seeing Reb Brown's pasty white ass

  'Spoony: But eventually he comes out of the water and - Oh my God say this ISN'T HAPPENING!!! AAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH!!! *Cuts to Spoony throwing up into a sick bag*

  • The Spoony Snob's review of The Revenge of the House of Usher has this:
    • "You know, somehow I doubt that Edgar Allan Poe wrote The Fall of the House of Usher as a sequel to Zombie 4"!
    • "That's right. In this movie, even the padding has padding." *cue Torgo music for an especially drawn-out scene* "DO SOMETHING!!"
    • The commentary has the story of how both he and the Nostalgia Critic had the idea of having the Snob appear on their shows, and since Doug actually flew the Snob in to appear on camera with him, he had to concede that battle. So he made up his mind to just be incredibly pissed off at Doug for just the few days it would take him to rewrite his review, until Doug called up and apologized for basically nothing, which paradoxically just made Spoony even angrier for not being able to be angry at him anymore.
  • His thoughts on Maax's lair in Beastmaster:
    • You know you've really made it as a evil wizard when your stronghold has lots of windows that are also made of fire! Sure, the heating bill is outrageous, but dammit, I have a window made of fire!
    • The witch prophecy of Rip Torn's career:
    • The Mondegreen of "Yor's World" was pretty freaking awesome.
    • Also, the cameo appearance of The Goddamned Avatar was great if you've seen his review of Ultima: The Stygian Abyss
  • From Beastmaster II:

 Hot Sorceress: Chill out, Lord Dude.

Spoony: [[[Stunned Silence]]]

Hot Sorceress: Chill out, Lord Dude.

Spoony: I'm... gonna need a minute guys. {{[[[Wall Bang]] Slams head against wall}}]

      • And he gets even more Distracted by the Sexy during his commentary, unable to get a coherent thought out for a good couple minutes after he brings up how he'd forgotten how hot she was.
    • Spoony seeing the movie theater with the marquee promoting Beastmaster II.

 Insano: The gayness! It's off the charts! We're getting into the Gigaqueer range! *blam* Aw hell, it broke my Gaydar...

Spoony: You invented a 'Gaydar'.

Insano: Yes. It measures gayness. With Science.

Spoony: Why would you ever need a Gaydar?

Insano: Ohhh don't you worry about why I need a Gaydar, you just go do your... thing with the movie, I'm just gonna go...

    • The alternate universe version of the Son of Insano simply being the toy held upside down did it for me.
    • "Shit, attacking eagles?! RUN! GRAB A COATHANGER! DAR STARTED THE BIRDEMIC!"
    • Finally flipping out about all the pop culture references:

 Spoony: SHUT UP! SHUT UP! I GET IT! YOU'RE FROM THE 90S! IF I WAS PLAYING A DRINKING GAME, I'D BE IN A FUCKING COMA BY NOW! 90s KID IS WRITTEN WITH MORE SUBTLETY THAN YOU!

90s Kid: (scoff) Dude! Harsh! [Exit]

    • The stereotypical gay fashionisto helping the Big Bad find a new outfit. The payoff to Spoony's blatant temptation of fate is such that you could set your watch to:

 Spoony: This character is the most blatant and offensive flaming gay French stereotype I've ever seen.

(Smash cut to Benzaie dressed and dancing in a very Camp Gay fashion)

Benzaie: Yo~ my name's Benzaie~!

Spoony: (recoiling) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

(Benzaie dances while Spoony whimpers in agony)

Spoony: (whimpering) NEVER! WE'RE NEVER SHOWING THAT CLIP AGAIN! NEVER!

      • During the episode commentary, when that scene comes up, Spoony mentions how Benzaie once got quite offended over being called "gay" on Twitter asking "Why would you think THAT?" The first reply he got was a link to THAT scene. Benzaie could only reply "Oh."
    • At the beginning, with him talking about the trend of movies which took a hero from a faraway land/galaxy and put them in modern-day Earth

 Spoony: Suburban Commando, Hercules in New York, Masters of the Universe and many others that all had one very important thing in common - THEY ALL FUCKING SUCKED!!!!

  • Spoony getting a brain aneurysm during the review of Garzey's Wing after seeing the protagonist's soul getting abducted by a goose.
    • This:

 Spoony (voiceover): Meanwhile, the king's forces are regrouping and planning their attack on the escaped slaves... Well, at least I think that's what they're doing, I can't really tell because every other word they're saying is made-up baby talk.

Character: It is most defective to place a duraga roll at gabujuju. You should destroy the meitomies with the war beast Armikor.

Spoony: But if you use to duraga rolls at gabujuju, won't the niixaflucks flank you at nixafluckachuckafuck?

  • From "Lords of Magick":
    • SPAZ LASERS!
    • Spoony's montage of different advertising mascots bursting into libraries and wreaking destruction, to justify why the library in the movie has such strict background checks.
    • The evil sorcerer, as phase 1 of his plan to corrupt one of the two magician brothers, tells Ulric in a booming telepathic voice, "Go to the whore! Ulric! GO TO THE WHORE!" and later instructs him to kill her. Spoony is flabbergasted. "That voice is real? Other people hear it too?!" Not long after, he's on the phone with his lawyer saying he should never have accepted that insanity plea.
      • On Twitter, a flabbergasted Spoony noted that the thing most people were concerned about was that the scene showed him smoking & not the implication that Spoony kills prostitutes because voices tell him to[3].
    • The entire ending fight scene, even without the commentary
      • "Screw magic, I'm just gonna kick your ass!"
      • "I'll HARM YOU
      • "FATHAAAAAH"
  • Death of a Soldier:
    • "Well. That's just great! Now we're at war with Australia. You know, Australia - I didn't want this, but you guys! You're outta control. Don't wave your dick at an Aussie, he'll blow your goddamn head off, I suppose! Seriously! What's the hell's the deal with Australia anyway?! Not even the British understand you! Just... look at this! Australian rules football? I mean what the fuck is that? And the platypus? I've gotten less bizarre shit hitting the randomiser button generating a character in Champions Online! I hope this movie turns into a Reb Brown revenge flick where he personally kills Paul Hogan with a grenade launcher. Do ya wanna get nuts, Australia?! Because I can get nuts! Yahoo Serious just made the list! Do you see what happens when you fuck with me!? ....... What the hell was I talking about?!"
    • "La la la, not listening, sustain, la la la!"
    • "To be fair, Reb is biologically compelled to kill a person every 24 hours..."
    • "This is a weird conversation..."
  • Tekken the Motion Picture
    • Spoony's eyebrows. Oh my God. And they keep getting bigger through the review until he peels them off.
      • "Ah, that's hair!"
    • Spoony noting that the Fauxlosophic Narration at the start of the film sounds exactly like something written by the Ultimate Warrior.
    • Spoony and Linkara's hysterical, B-Movie worthy panic about multi-gene lifeforms, because having more than one gene is unnatural!
    • His reaction to Heihachi's spiel about how lions throw their cubs over cliffs.

 Heihachi: Lions push their cubs over a cliff and raise only the one that climb back up!

Spoony: No, no they don't. You see, I researched it, and lions are extremely protective of their young and would never hurl them off a cliff! So basically the instigating event that set into motion the plot of the movie and every single Tekken game is complete bullshit!

Heihachi: If you're truly my son then you'll be able to climb back up.

[Hurls Kazuya off the cliff]

Spoony: You think he'd double check that little factoid before throwing his son off a cliff. I'll bet he went home after and checked online "Aw, son of a--! Well now I just feel silly..."

    • The scene with the invitation card.

 Jun: What is this?

Spoony: It's fucking spelled wrong, is what it is! Well Come? It's the biggest multinational defence contractor in history but their graphic design department needs help!

    • "Yeah, for a cop I have a really bad habit of assaulting unarmed women from behind."
    • SPEED LINES!!!
    • "Stabbing Westward, what the hell?!"
    • Spoony's reaction to this line:

 Jun: Why are you so upset, is it because your father threw you off that cliff?

Spoony: [laughs] Oh, well done Holmes! I think you've solved this mystery!

    • "Oooooh... nasty."
    • "Somebody actually wrote in the screenplay, 'Julia throws a tomahawk at Heihachi, who catches it in his mouth, and eats it.'"
    • Replacing the localized music in one scene with music from Cowboy Bebop.
      • Even funnier when you know that the "replacement music" is from the scene where Spike drops a live grenade just as he get thrown through a stained glass window by Vicious.
    • You might disagree, but I couldn't help but chuckle at him dismissing a "Legend of Zelda" movie as "boring".
    • "We manipulated a kangaroo's embryonic DNA..." "WHY?!?!?" What makes it great is that he just plays that one word over the footage and then lets it continue.
    • His short montage of doing various things Heihachi's rambling dialogue near the end, culminating with -

 Heihachi: My Tekken will create the destruction of the devil, and the renewal of the gods!

Spoony: I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT SENTENCE MEANS!

  • Tekken 2010
    • Film Brain's reaction to Lee's Tekken 5 ending.
    • The constant clips from Star Wars and Spider-Man showing how the film is so similar to both.
    • Spoony and Brain's reinterpretation of the fan's reaction to Jin winning Iron Fist.

 Spoony: Yeah! That guy won even though that doesn't affect me at all!

Brain: We still have no healthcare!

Spoony: I've been eating rats for months!

Brain: I have scurvy!

    • Spoony's response to Heihachi's first appearance onscreen. It's just too good of a joke to quote on here.
    • The film contains the line "You're in my way." Spoony doesn't react well.
    • Spoony's near-Squee amusement to the tournament's random stage selection.

  Spoony: UFC needs to set up little Styrofoam battle locations instead of a boring old cage. I'd love to see mixed martial art battles take place in the Shrine of the Silver Monkey.

  • King Of Fighters:
    • During a fight scene where Rugal Bernstein (played by Ray Park) fights Kyo.

  Spoony: It was inevitable that Ray Park was going to get a quarterstaff in this movie, wasn't it? *Cue Duel of the Fates*

    • He's so upset about Terry Bogard's characterization that he keeps playing sound clips from the game over his dialogue.
    • His remark on Kyo being a halfbreed.

 Yeah, half white and the other half white.

    • "I made this with typing!"
    • There's a scene where Rugal's trying to find the right weapon to fight Kyo with, with Spoony doing the same thing. ::a foam hammer appears:: Too Donkey Kong! ::he pulls out a gunblade. Too Final Fantasy! ::the Dizzy Gilespie figure appears in his hands:: Too jazzy!
  • Dead or Alive
    • The movie provides the most gratuitous ass-shot in the history of the world, which causes the Ass Shot meter to rise beyond recordable levels, outputting 'numbers' such as "ERROR," "OBEY INSANO," and other random numbers, finally exploding. All with Spoony laughing in the background.
    • Film Brain's cameo resulting in him being maimed by Spoony's rabid fanbase. Also an unexpected cameo from Bandit Keith.
    • Spoony comparing the improbable insta-hang-glider in the film to those from Yor, the Hunter from the Future and Cave Dwellers.
  • Skullduggery:
    • "It's like a fucking alien wrote this movie! ...Or Benzaie. Same thing, really."
    • The magician from the movie shows up in Spoony's room and using the same magic he turns a condom into a balloon animal, makes tortillas and beer appear out of thin air, and puts two Oreo cookies into his hat and takes Oreo the puppy out of it.
      • This gets better with its place in Noah's video on his favorite jokes of 2011. He notes that he has no idea why he felt the need to give an origin story for Oreo on his show, when he already made a whole video about her.
      • Look closely in the background and you can see Oreo standing there watching him for some of this routine. Spoony admitted this was a mistake on Twitter, but since the entire point of this sequence was how unimpressive the "magic" was, it actually makes it even funnier.
    • His anger with the annoying pervert that turns EVERY line into a Double Entendre, shocked that there exists a character more one-dimensional than Glenn Quagmire.
      • He's also very upset that this is one of the few characters who survives the movie.
    • While watching a scene where a nurse is trying to seduce the killer by acting like a mother to her child, a cop (played by his brother) busts in and starts beating him for watching kiddie porn.

 Miles: [while beating Spoony with his baton] STOP RESISTING! STOP RESISTING!

  • Tekken: Blood Vengeance:
    • Spoony announces a drinking game, based on a comment from the director that this will be a movie for everyone rather than just fans: every time Spoony sees something you need to be a fan to understand, he'll take a shot. Cue the first few seconds of the movie, schoolgirl dashing through the streets riding on a panda. Spoony chugs the bottle.
    • Spoony comparing Oreo and the in-movie panda: "You can't just introduce a character in your movie riding a panda to school and not explain that shit! I established my fucking dog in storyline and I do internet reviews!"
    • Miles' weary reaction to be dragged into one of Spoony's reviews to be talked at in an extremely odd fashion to Lampshade similar language in the movie- "Get a job".
      • The whole time, Spoony is holding Oreo and petting her like he's a Bond villain.
    • The constant digs at Shin's Wangst-iness, complete with Linkin Park.
    • "EXCELLENT!"
    • Spoony acting like the Heihachi vs Jin vs Kazuya fight is a demented anime wrestling match, with him commentating in a Jim Ross impression.

 Announcer!Spoony: And Kazuya punches Jin completely across the room, STRAIGHT INTO A GERMAN SUPLEX! GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY! Jin with a Booker T. Axe Kick through the floor! But wait, Heihachi catches him and delivers a sit up Power Bomb through the surface of the Earth! Slobber-Knocker King, Beer Six Brawl!

    • His running gag of shouting out the movie's title in one of the, many, extended scenes dedicated to the two schoolgirls[4] talking about their crushes, coming up with silly names for their attacks, generally gossiping, etc etc...
    • Spoony's baffled reaction at the fans of the game hating Tekken 2010 despite it having a lot of fighting and being at worst So Okay It's Average.
    • The end of the review:

 Spoony: "Fucking Panda, where did they come up with this shit?!"

  "Would you like to buy some used gas masks?" "How about a road side tattoo!?" "Can I offer you some dead rats, melord?"


Ultima Retrospective

  • Akalabeth: World of Doom
    • Asking "Mr. Demon" if he's seen the "Doom", and then finding a sign with "Doom" spelled on it pointing to the cave gets a little chuckle out of me.
    • Calling the number that shows up at the end of the game to "tell of his great deeds"... and we're shown that at the other end of the line there's a dusty skeleton. Several dusty skeletons, in fact.
  • Ultima I: The First Age of Darkness
    • Landing on the island from and finding a bunch of weapons, then he finds the Triforce, does the Zelda Item Get pose, complete with the DO DO DO DOOOOO! sting, then stares at it incredulously and wonders what he's supposed to do with a triangle and then tosses it aside for a weapon he can really use... a Gunblade.
    • His Fridge Logic over the fact that, in this fantasy setting, there are shops that sell space shuttles. Cut to Spoony as an apprentice blacksmith fixing the re-entry tiles on the Challenger.
    • His re-enactment of Gandalf vs. the Balrog, where he pulls out a machine gun and a phaser phazor, and when that doesn't work, he busts out an M79 grenade launcher.

 "Alright. Time to bust out the Flame of Anor!" * Pulls out an M79 and loads it.* "Enjoy the fireworks!"

* Blasts the Balrog away, turning around as it falls to its doom, but not before it whips Gandalf in the leg*

"SHIT!"

  • Ultima II: Revenge of the Enchantress:
    • "Yes! Beat the Benny Hill gag like a Dead Horse!"
  • Ultima III: Exodus
    • Bennet the Sage vs. The Carpet.
    • Spoony's dramatic unveiling of the deadliest enemy in the game... THE FLOOR!!
      • "THE FLOOR IS EVERYWHEEEEEEEEEERREEEEEEEE!"
      • THE GRASS!!!!
    • His closing remarks.

  And hey, I dare you to find one other game where you can play a transsexual ewok jester. * Yub Yub music starts playing*

  • Ultima IV: Quest of the Avatar
    • "WTF Cock Dungeon??"
  • Ultima V: Warriors of Destiny
    • His responses to Blackthorne in the dungeon scene include "Eat a dick" and "Fuck you," even as he's gushing over how great and disturbing the scene is.
    • His sarcastic 'surprise' that someone named Lord Blackthorne is evil, accompanied by a picture of Lord Blackwood from the 2009 Sherlock Holmes film.
    • "Man, this Mondain guy! Everything he ever touches is something that threatens all life on the planet. Even his skull can be used to just casually wipe out all life in the world! I even bet when this guy just takes a crap, it all just comes out in one big, long, black, steaming, life-eradicating log of evil." (shows the ending of Time Bandits)
  • Ultima VI: The False Prophet
    • His reaction to the What the Hell, Hero? plot of Ultima VI: "Ooooh yeah. Uh, sorry."
    • Chuckles forces Spoony to play The Game. Every time he's hit with the rubber chicken he loses it.
    • Spoony's rant when the Avatar gets poisoned and runs up to Lord British to get healed only to find him asleep with no way to wake him up:

 Spoony: LB! Hey! C'mon! It's me, the Avatar! I've got rapid onset Black Death from the rats in your goddamn sewer! I'm DYING you fool! Don't you care? DON'T YOU EVEN CARE? What is with this guy? Douchebag could sleep through a nuclear bomb! Well, he won't wake up till morning, so I had no choice. I just had to wander off and eventually die horribly of disease sitting on Lord British's freaking throne. Maybe when he wakes up he'll notice I filled his fucking chair with my own evacuated bowels when I finally died a horrible, clenching oozing death of the fucking Motaba virus! Shithead.

  • Ultima VII: The Black Gate
    • His lengthy 2 minute explanation of the main quest of the game, which ends as he hyperventilates with a paper bag and falls over.

  Be right back! Spoony needs CPR.

    • The This Is Spinal Tap reference, which Spoony had been talking about wanting to make ever since he started the Retrospective.
    • Also, Spoony's tone of voice when reacting, among others, to the mutilated corpse of a blacksmith, a "deserted" cave infested with dragons, and the ritualistic killing of a baby.

 "DESERTED MY ASS! FUCK YOU BATLIN, THIS PLACE IS FULL OF FUCKING DRAGONS!"

"LOOK AT THE BOOOONES!"

    • Spoony's punchline when the Black Sword is used to decapitate Lord British?
    • And his examination of the throne room the Guardian's followers have built:

 Spoony: Why, to welcome their conquering God, they've even constructed a massive, imposing throne in the... surprisingly small room barely big enough to hold it, with human-sized doors and a sweeping view of a blank stone wall and a couple of barred windows.

Text: AND MUD FLOORS!

The Guardian: What kind of throne room is this? A throne room for ants? How am I supposed to get in? I need leg room, people! And come on, I may be a Dark God of Deceit and Domination, but even I need a little lumbar support!

 Baron: Whether thou speak truth or falsehood, I cannot say!

Spoony: What, seriously? You don't know who I am? The motherfucker who saved the world no less than six times already!

Baron:: Stories tell of the coming of the Avatar, but years have past since he visited here.

Spoony: I am literally the Christ figure of your fucking religion! There are museums dedicated to my great feats stretching through hundreds of years of your recorded history! I should be the most recognizable bastard on the face of this planet, and this cock hydra doesn't know who I am? None of you guys know who I am? Read a book people! I know humility is one of the eight virtues, but I'm the goddamn Avatar! Hello?!

 Spoony: Okay, that's it! I'm installing anti-personnel mines infront of that fucking door, this shit keeps happening!

[The Headless growls at Spoony as he gets out of his chair]

Spoony: Oh, you wanna fight?

[The Headless flips Spoony off.]

Spoony: Oh, don't you fucking test me you headless hairball, not after the month I've had.

[The Headless growls at Spoony again.]

Spoony: Okay, well I think Linkara would say at a time like this, "You may be headless monster immune to weapons, but me? I AM A MAN!"

[Spoony kicks the Headless in the groin.]

Spoony: Now, me on the other hand? I fight like a dirty bastard.

    • The after the credit's gag, where Spoony is hit with a chair held by the Headless, and promises "One day I'm gonna get that filthy animal." before "The End" appears is funnier if you've seen The Cinema Snob's review of The Geek, which Spoony borrowed the line (and abrupt ending) from.
  • Ultima VII Part II: Serpent Isle
    • Spoony's interpretation of what must have happened after the destruction of the Black Gate, since it seemingly took 18 months for the Britanians to search Batlin's stuff.

 Mere seconds after the Black Gate has been destroyed

The Goddamn Avatar: Okay. Well, that's done. I'm on vacation! Wooooooo!

The Goddamn Avatar throws his sword to the ground, and puts on a Sombrero

Off-screen Party Member: Shouldn't we look for the wizard who built the Black Gate incase he tries to build another one?

The Goddamn Avatar: [picks up a bottle of tequila] Eh, eventually. Hey, who's coming to Buckaneer's Den? If we hurry, we can still catch Happy Hour. I'm driving, chicks dig the Magic Carpet! Wooooooo!

    • The best part? Spoony used a green screen to actually insert himself into the cutscene of the Black Gate's destruction.
      • The second best being the offscreen party member sounding like Eric Idle.
    • A subtle one, he talks about a funny glitch where two city guards get stuck on each other and get in a never ending argument about getting out of each other's way. Spoony then plays audio clips from SWAT 4 of the infamous "you're in my way, sir" gag, making him giggle and comment that he keeps waiting for them to get into a fist fight. The really funny part? If you watch the game, you'll see the Avatar and his companions start killing the guards to end the gag. It's one of those "whoa, wait, rewind that" funny moments.
    • Spoony's mini-rant about how the game requires you to equip several specific pieces of equipment, and that it's very possible to lose one of the items in your inventory, because it's a small ring that's barely visible on the screen, before noting that this is the exact reason he never finished the game before, because he Rage Quit after he couldn't find the item. He then caps it off by noting that he should have continued playing, as a glitch in the game that means that when it checks you're using the required equipment, it checks everything except one thing - Naturally, the ring.

 Spoony: *Exasperated sigh* ... Fail all around...

  • Ultima VIII
    • The Digging Yourself Deeper joke at the beginning about trying to convince his mother that RPGs aren't evil, which ends with him in a padded cell with satanic symbols scrawled all over his face.

 Spoony: No mum, role-playing games aren't Satani-WOAH! [[[Smash Cut]] to Ultima VIII's boxart, a giant flaming pentagram]

    • The Guardian gloats that, by exiling the Avatar to the world of Pagan, he is dooming him to a place where no-one knows his name or his exploits in saving Britannia. Spoony immediately responds with "Like that's anything new!" and does a Call Back to his Dude, Where's My Respect? complaints from Ultima Underworld.
    • Spoony constantly complaining about everything being grey.
    • Exploding Treasure Chests. Set to the 1812 Overture.
    • Spoony's Hollywood Tourettes trying to explain the completely broken platforming segments while trying to complete said segments, eventually causing the review to pause while he gets his meds

 Spoony: What am I doing wrong?! It keeps overshooting the fucking-COCKSUCKER!

      • The last straw being when he finishes one of said segments...and is knocked into the pit by an exploding chest.
    • The dramatic return of the Headless... who Spoony fights by mimicking the goofy repetetive striking animation of the protagonist of this game. And then Oreo runs into the room.
    • Spoony showing a somber black and white clip of the Avatar hacking away at children with an axe while a list of attributes associated with the Avatar scrolls by - with one of the these tributes being "Murdering small children with a battle axe and searching their bodies for loot".
  • For this troper, simply reading the tweets he made regarding making the Ultima IX review is enough to get a laugh. Gems includes:
    • "Oh god...I've been pulling 8-12 hour shifts of Ultima IX for like, 4 days now. I can't even remember sunlight...or happiness..."
    • Ultima 9 is looking to be at least a 2-parter. This game is the biggest iceberg of frozen shit I've ever played in my life."
  • The Ultima IX video has arrived, and Part 1 alone is 43 glorious minutes.
    • The "Betrayal Counter", made better in that the "Betrayal" is stylized like the "OBJECTION" from Ace Attorney and that it uses sound clips from the infamous "Betrayal" video.
    • "What's a paladin?" While it's common for reviewers to play stupid scenes two or three times, Spoony has to play what he calls "the worst line in the entire game" eight times before he launches into a tirade how it alone made him stop playing the game for weeks when he first heard it and explaining how it represents a giant middle finger to all Ultima fans.
      • And on a related note, Spoony's full-throated shriek of anguish and subsequent enraged gibbering on hearing the Avatar ask what the Codex of Ultimate Wisdom is. "This is like the Pope asking what the fucking Bible is!"
    • "Yes, a maid has to explain to The Avatar why it's good to eat food. THE AVATAR IS TOO STUPID TO EAT!"
    • When dealing with the tide of inconsistent accents, Spoony dares the game to get offensive, "Michael Bay this bitch up." And then he gets hit by the Gayvatar.

  ...this game has touched me, and I can never show you where.

    • Hell, ANY time he repeats a line to show how stupid the game is.
    • When asking why a gargoyle is hovering in place despite wings not working that way:

 And don't tell me he's a wizard or shit because fuck you.


Video Game Reviews

  • Spoony's review of the video-game version of The Thing is simply hilarious.
  • Hilarious as his Final Fantasy VIII review his review of Final Fantasy VII was even better. Its funniest moment was the male otaku cosplaying Sailor Moon.
    • The censored version (on Youtube) is even funnier than the uncensored version, because some of the stuff in the porn montage is bleeped out, leaving you guessing...
      • "I even found one of * BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP* Quistis * BLEEP* ing herself and * BLEEP* ing her own three-foot * BLEEEEEEP* , while ch* BLEEP* with her whip, sticking the handle in her * BLEEP* and jamming a vibrator in her own * BLEEP* . Talk about multitasking... You know I'm boring when the most creative I get is using my left hand. This isn't even physically possible! Her * BLEEP* would drag the ground! No amount of duct tape could conceal this!"
    • "BOOBS DO NOT WORK THIS WAY! They should not account for 60% of a woman's mass!"
    • His comments on the crossdressing part in Wall Market are utterly hilarious as well.
  • His review of the Hells Kitchen game, where he cranks the Narm Charm to the max as he demonstrates he's finding playing Iron Chef with the various dolls and action figures in his room more enjoyable than playing the game. And of course, his Chef Ramsay impression, and "their" expressions at the graphic of Ramsay in the game.

 Spoony: "It looks like you, but all waxy and deflated and weird."

Ramsay: "It looks like me if I were thirty pounds overweight and made out of fucking Play-Doh!"

  • Power Klingon has several, but one that struck This Troper in particular is the confused look on Spoony's face when Michael Dorn/Worf mentions a Beta Quadrant species that mates with itself.
    • When talking about how Klingons treat trading as a battle:

 Your Big Mac is 99 cents. *gets into fighting stance and imitates Amok Time fighting music*

    • In the opening brawl, one shouted phrase is subtitled as "Garbage Day!"
  • After getting past a difficult part in his Dirty Harry review, he goes insane after finding out he's actually gone back to the start of the level again. "I HAVE MY RIGHTS, I HAVE MY RIGHTS!!! IT WAS CALLAHAN, THE BIG ONE, HE DID THIS TO ME!!! AAAAAAAAAUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!"
    • In the same review, he had to get past a man by finding a guy who looks like a pimp and jumping up and down in front of him, prompting the guy to switch clothes with him.

  "Okay, seriously, how would you ever figure that out on your own? Is it just me? Were you watching me play this game and thinking "no, you idiot, you need a white suit! Go find a pimp and jump up and down in front of him and he'll give you a white suit, ya fucking moron!""

  "Look at this pimp! He's riding double on a surfboard with a hot chick, catching a wave with an 18-inch hot dog in one hand! I have a new role model!"

    • His comments on the actors, most notably Ghost.

  Spoony Ghost: "Time for a video about sex education, Dog Meat!"

  • During the The X-Files: Resist or Serve review, Spoony uses his action figures to make a better acted cutscene than the ones in the game. This includes Neo getting molested by Big Daddy's drill, giant Dizzy Gillespie tooting off Green Lantern and a caption "NEEDS GIRLFRIEND BADLY".
    • Followed by a sequel where Golden Age Superman shouts racist epiphets at Giant Dizzy Gillespie before being defeated, and the terror is finally taken down by Conan the Barbarian.
    • Don't forget; SECRET NAZI SUBDIREKTOR SKINNER.
  • His Go Mad From the Revelation moment at the start of the Make My Video review when he becomes convinced that the kid protagonist and his sister are Skrull clones of himself and his sister.

 Spoony: (pointing frantically) "Skrull! Skrull! I've been secretly invaded!

 Spoony: Oh God, what the hell just happened in this bedroom?! Gross, she's your SISTER, Skrull-Me, GROSS!

  • Dr. Insano (at the end of Spoony's review of Street Fighter 2010): "What in the name of Schrodinger's Pussy are you?"
    • I got a giggle when he talked to his cute son: (cheery) "You mean you want to HELP me take over the world?"
    • Also, this part:

 Game Opening Crawl: "Every frontier world the killer visited because quickly infested with Troy and Ken's remarkable cyboplasm. In small doses, it can give people the extra strength they need to remain alive. In large doses, it comes alive and takes over the body and mind of its host, turning them into violent, mindless supermen or, in some cases, superaliens."

Spoony: "Cyboplasm is a lot like Red Bull."

    • "You turned my partner Troy into jelly! I will have you destroyed for this! He was mine to toy with and destroy as I pleased in a humorous fashion! Nobody outdoes Doctor Insano, do you hear?! NOBODY!"
  • Spoony's rendition of the Iron Chef, hosted by Giant Dizzy Gillespie!
  • His entire conversation with the Gatekeeper in the Nightmare review.
    • Don't forget at the end where the Gatecleaner (the Gatekeeper's nephew) forces him to review the other games in the series before sending him to the Black Hole BLA-GOLE!
  • His Terror TRAX: Track of the Vampire review is even better for the PC version than the audio CD version.
    • Over a shot of incoherent screaming and waving camera angles in near-total darkness: "I tried to do a video review of Twilight, but this is how it came out."
      • Over a similar shot: "The audio book version was more visible than this!"
    • "Oh no, bars!"
    • "A cigarette wouldn't make a sizzling noise like that even if it were made of bacon!! [beat] Mmmm, bacon cigarettes...."
    • (In a Shout-Out to The Angry Video Game Nerd's Atari Jaguar review) "Where did you learn to fly?"
    • "If only I had some kind of weapon!"
    • The review of the audio CDs are still very funny, especially his comments on Agent Snake's dickish behavior and Metal Gear references.
  • Spoony's Pumpkinhead's Revenge review. That is all.
    • "...Space Mountain is my penis."
    • Linkara's cameo. "I...am the Bee Keeper!"
      • "Oh my God, I wrote that...."
    • His rage at the end crosses the line between Crowning Moment of Funny and Nightmare Fuel. "I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU! I WILL STAB YOU IN THE BRAIN!"
    • "Three fuckin' dollars, and I still feel dirty and cheated. Like I paid to have sex with a monkey. A dude monkey."
    • "I didn't know anything about this game, so that meant I had to do research on it... and by 'research' I mean 'I checked Wikipedia', but, guess how much I found! NOTHING! FUCKING NOTHING! [...] There are no walkthroughs, no hints, no details, nothing! All I was able to find was a short text review someone had written, a brief video capture on Youtube, and a few sites that have the blurb from the back of the box. I even checked the software developer's website, and all it had was a few 60-pixel-wide screenshots! I just wanted to find some instructions so I could find out how to fucking play it, or at least figure out what I had to do, but no! I had to pick the game that time forgot! I just... I can't believe it. The entire Internet culture, in all its futility and splendor, well-known for its bottomless stupidity and yet tireless patience in completing the shittiest, most painful games with the most insane self-imposed handicaps, had turned its back on Pumpkinhead's Revenge."
    • "You have no idea what I had to go through to find a copy of this game with the box and the instructions still intact. This game is rarer than the Holy Grail... for, like, the Antichrist!"
    • The guest commentary when Spoony finally breaks down totally and can only shriek "PUMPKINHEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!" at the top of his lungs.

 Benzaie: Beary, did you hear that? That's the sound of ultimate suffering. My heart made that noise when I first saw Sonic turning into a werewolf. The Spoony One makes it now.

Beary: Do you think we should go help him?

Benzaie: Are you crazy? I just got accepted into the Brotherhood of Steel!

  • Spoony as a Valley Girl. Proof that CMOF and Nightmare Fuel can be combined seamlessly.
    • On the commentary he says that one joke that didn't come through is that he has "really hairy Wookiee legs" that he wanted to show at one point, but the definition wasn't high enough to make them out.
    • Linkara as '80s Chick was hilarious; Benzaie, on the other hand...
      • Bandit Keith/The Gatekeither: I mock your misfortune with a manly American skronk! [skronks] Nyahahahahahahaa! [long pause] ... in America!
  • Spoony pointing out the "dancing" people in the background in the Privateer 2: The Darkening review. And his realization that telling the viewers about a crappy game and a crappy movie made by the same company was a bad idea.
    • Also, the bartender in the game giving Clive Owen a Death Glare worthy of the Janitor.
    • "Of course, Lev's forgotten past is full of danger and people wanting to kill him, and not swimsuit models and people wanting to give him pie."
    • "And now... a space cowboy with nuclear farts!"
    • "Brian Blessed acting like a raging jackass."
    • Spoony proving how bad the enemy A.I. is by leaving his ship stationary and letting them attack him. "And you know how long it took him [to destroy his ship]? Neither do I, because he COULDN'T. FUCKING. DO IT! Congratulations, guys! Your enemy AI is less effective than the fucking UFO in Asteroids!"
    • His reaction to receiving emails in battle.
    • While Spoony narrates about the general premise of the game, a few random FMV clips are shown, one of which shows Clive Owen blowing up a door and then promptly getting a face full of shrapnel.

 Caption: "AAH! Shit!"

    • During the commentary for the episode, Spoony interrupts his own monologue about his experiences with the X3 series to verbally shake his head at Brian Blessed's performance.

 "Brian Blessed, my God, man, what are you doing?"

 Spoony: OK, how fucking stupid does this game think I am!? "Winning is good, losing is bad! Protip: don't get beaten up by Andy Dick!"

  • During his review of the Deadliest Warrior video game, when Sean Fausz's spartan kills Spoony's pirate in ONE FREAKING SHOT.

 Spoony: This is gonna be sweet cause I've been meaning to teach Sean a lesson for a while now! GET YOUR DUMB ASS...[HEADSHOT]...uh...wha...FUCKING BULLSHIT!

    • The very beginning, where you're expecting the theme song and instead get "This game is fucking retarded!"
    • His follow-up to his review of Deadliest Warrior the game has him shooting down most of the feedback he got from supporters of the game who were under the impression that he only played one match and based his review of that. (He actually played for about 5 hours). The most memorable part was his reaction when one supporter claims that 'You do not auto-turn in a real life fight'.
  • Highlander: Last Of The MacLeods: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
    • The review starts off with Spoony incredulously staring at the camera and exclaiming "There's a Highlander video game! Did you even know that!?"
    • On a character of the Highlander animated series that looks an awful lot like a blackface minstrel: "This has to be the most racist thing I have ever seen in animation since [picture of Skids and Mudflap] Ok, never mind."
    • Dr. Insano successfully getting an Atari Jaguar CD to work after much frustration. "I've never had to work so hard to get something this broken to function!"

  Dr. Insano: This abomination is a piece of crap!

    • Spoony mocks the game's disorienting, constantly switching camera angles with a brief scene where he comes out of the bathroom only to constantly throw himself against the walls because the camera angle changes with every few steps he takes.
    • DEEP HURTING.
    • OH MY GOD! What's wrong with your face?
    • The end of the review has Dr Insano mention that there was another Highlander video game, which was based on the films. Spoony asks if that was any good, and Insano replies that it wasn't, before mentioning the Highlander game which has a trailer on the DVD for Highlander: The Source which looked good but was ultimately cancelled. All Spoony can do is ask why they have a copy of The Source, at which point the camera cuts back to a grinning Insano.
    • "I can't even fight Iggy Pop?!"
  • Spoony and Eight Bit Mickey teamed up to give the MST treatment to a VHS strategy guide of the WWF Arcade Game. It featured Spoony reciting the Konami Code, while doing a Paul Bearer impression.
  • A real gem in his review of Microcosm, when he notices that one of the levels has him going down to the femur rather than the upward course to the brain

 Spoony: Ok, brief biology lesson, ok? The brain is up here! The femur is down here! You're heading towards his dick! YOU'RE HEADING THE WRONG WAY!!!


V-Logs

  • Noah reviews Pandorum while suffering from a cold, and sends himself into a coughing fit trying to imitate the sounds the monsters make. "...I should not have done that."
    • His imitation of the insane captain is hilarious too, combined with several references to the Ren and Stimpy episode Space Madness.

 Earth's gone? AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!

You don't understand, man! There's no God! There's no devil! It's just us! Wait! * looks around shiftily* You hear that?! We gotta get outta here! * panics* Oh Dennis Quaid, you don't understand, man! They're gonna kill us all! Game over, man! Oh my beloved ice cream bar!

  • The entirety of his recent New Moon review, though not particularly scripted, is full of him joking about hallucinatory Edwards warning Bella about how her hair will get ruined, utter bewilderment and almost outright rage over why Bella is so unlikeable (and yet portrayed as having all these people willing to do everything for her), and hilarious over-the-top foppish accents when he's imitating the Volturi, and giant muffins ("It's a Long Story"). Considering he's holding a beer when he starts the review, and seems a bit drunk while he continues, it's probably fair to say that he didn't enjoy this movie. (Even though it's root beer, as Spoony doesn't drink.)
    • Him likening Aro to Dr. Insano had this troper in hysterics.
    • You want more laughs out of this? Make note of when he comments that Scarlett took off for the bathroom. Then go read Scarlett's review of the movie.
    • Funniest moment in the review had to be his take on the scene where Edward protects Bella by basically punching her across the room.

 Spoony: I have to save you, Bella; Fuck out' the way!

      • His impression of Harpo[5] just adds to it.
  • From his V-log review of The Fourth Kind:

 Spoony: Look at those guys on that fuckin' planet. Look at them... They still think digital watches are really neat; let's fuck with 'em!

  • Noah and his brother Miles' impressions of Colonel Quaritch from Avatar. "My mech needs a gigantic steel boner so I can fuck people while I stab them with my big knife! I'm gonna robo-fuck 'em! Ay! Ooh!"
    • Also, "AHAHA! These guys have souls!"
      • Right before this, Miles describes how The Hero is giving his Patrick Stewart Speech about the Na'vi, and Noah responds that for a second it looks like the Corrupt Corporate Executive is listening...then in perfect unison, both of them bust up laughing and start mocking said speech.
    • Miles saying the villain has subtler moments and follows up with explaining the destruction of the forest and impersonating the man with, "This is a great cup of coffee. Nice thing to have when when killin indigenous folk."
    • This exchange:

 Noah!Quaritch: That mech is too pussy for me. You know what my mech needs? A big fuckin knife.

Miles!Soldier: But why would you need a knife sir?

Noah!Quaritch: Silence, pussy! I want a big fuckin knife on that fuckin mech, and I want it right fuckin now!

    • "I got a steel boner all the time for killin' folk! Whoo!"
    • This jewel:

 Noah!Quaritch: I don't need no mask!

Miles!Quaritch: Screw you, I don't need to breathe!

Noah!Quaritch: Pussy! I can hold my breath for fifteen minutes!

    • "We hate them redskins...er wait they have blue skins...blueskins, screw'em."
    • When Miles tries to defend movies with moral messages about tolerance and understanding, Noah responds by waving his arms We Are The World-style.
  • Spoony runs off to find his notes for Deadliest Fantasy Warrior, leaving a befuddled Miles alone with the camera, to which he can just awkwardly say "Hi" to us.
    • Better than that is Spoony and his brother Miles remembering who they came up with for the fictional character Deadliest Warrior Spoony was planning. Ash vs Kirk! The chainsaw hand versus the kirk combat roll!.
  • Noah's Vlog about Eclipse
    • The definite crowning moment being his reaction to Bella saying she loves Jacob and making out with him.
      • Also Crowning Moment of Awesome: he shouted in the theater "She is fucking with them at this point! She is just fucking with them!"
    • About The Last Airbender: "When you spend years working on a movie and it gets outdone by Eclipse... That's deep, man. That's like Hemingway-level depression."
  • Noah completely freaks out over the "Tai Chi in every scene" in The Last Airbender, jumping up and spazzing out every few seconds, while Miles just sits back and grins.
    • "Waaaaterrrrrrrrr"
      • "No no no, Waaaaaaaaaaaateeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrr"

 Fire Bender: Fire hadouken!

Water Bender: Water shield...

Fire Bender: Mother fuck... Well, I'm gonna do it AGAIN!"

Water Bender: Water shield...

Fire Bender: ... Watery bitch... I'M GONNA DO IT AGAIN!

Water Bender: Water shield... AAGH!

    • "Earth shiiield." Becoming increasingly light and nonchalant with the accompanying arm wave every time.
    • Right at the beginning of the video, he seems to be in physical pain as he admits he liked the Uwe Boll film Rampage.
    • His impressions of the douchebag general who mocks Zuko.

 "'Here is the douchebag prince, who was exiled by his father for speaking out against a general during a battle in trying to protect his friends. He is a traitor to our people and an epic-league douchebag.'"

"'Let's all give a hand to the douchebag prince. Oh, and uh, we know he's not allowed to wear the armor of our people because he is an exiled weiner, but we're going to let him do it anyway, for he is as a child and so we will mock him as a child! Would you like to order from the kiddie menu, Prince Zuko? Hahahaha!'"

  • Spoony and Pat the NES Punk give their impressions of Jacob Kell buying shoes, and at a drivethru window.
  • Spoony and Miles return to discuss Thor, with hilarity once more ensuing.
    • Spoony referring to the Casket of Ancient Winters as "the magic icecube".
    • "Thank you, brother who is not the god of treachery!"
    • "He's only saying you shouldn't go to the Land of the Frost Giants, because you totally should go."
    • Spoony pointing out how we see Loki is not how the Gods see Loki:

 Spoony: Thor's like "WHO COULD HAVE DONE THIS? WHO COULD HAVE LET THE ICE GIANTS IN?" and all heads should have turned to fucking Loki, the God of fucking Mischief. And he'd be like "...WHA? WHAT?" "You're the God of Deception, fucktard!" "But I didn't but-but-- Okay, you got me."

    • Spoony's prediction for his & Miles's opinions on the Green Lantern movie - Spoony (Who isn't really a fan of the Green Lantern comics) will be critical of the movie, whilst Miles (A fan of the Green Lantern comics) will be sat on the couch shouting "That was awesome!"
  • From Spoony & Miles discussing Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, Spoony's dead-on impression of Johnny Depp's performance as Captain Jack Sparrow.
  • His review of X-Men First Class: "I'll keep this short" (the video is 30 minutes long) The sad part is, by his V-Log standards, that is short.
  • In his and Miles' review of Transformers: Dark of the Moon, where they discuss Leonard Nimoy as Sentinal Prime. It almost seems scripted as Spoony breaks down while Miles talks:

 Spoony: "You know what they do? They have him...

Miles: "The line?"

Spoony: "The line." (facepalms and moans)

Miles: "Okay. (takes a breath) You see because, Leonard Nimoy was Spock."

Spoony: "Oh, the fucking line..."

Miles: "And Spock had a line." (Spoony continues to moan) "And so Michael Bay had to remind you of the fact that Leonard Nimoy was Spock, and that Spock said a line." (Spoony looks up at the camera and stares) "And the line was... 'the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few'. I flipped the screen the double bird."

Spoony: "...You fucking raped the line!"

Miles: "You see the thing is, I was actually having my own little fan moment, of having Leonard Nimoy, who is doing a good job as a voice actor. I liked him a lot. Then you had to put that in there."

Spoony: "You had to fucking rape The Wrath of Khan right in front of me..."

      • Even more Hilarious in Hindsight after seeing that the ending of Suburban Knights became a near line-for-line Shout-Out to this scene. When this was brought up in the commentary, Spoony defended that first, they earned the line compared to Transformers, and second, they didn't have Leonard Nimoy himself doing it.
      • One YouTube user took this to its logical conclusions.
    • Mentioning how the humans are all stunned that a group called the Decepticons would turn out to be evil.

  THEY CALL THEMSELVES DECEPTICONS, YOU STUPID CUNT!

    • The explanation of the Mood Whiplash slapstick, where Miles somehow keeps a completely straight face with Spoony flailing around all over and around him.
    • At the start of the V-log, Spoony tells the camera he took notes of all the stupidity. Halfway through the review, he lets us know that for the human characters, he simply wrote "ANNOYING FUCKS" in big, bold letters.

 Spoony: "I took notes. I started taking notes before the film even began."

  • Spoony and Brad Uncensored of Transformers 3. Canadian Transformers. Playing hockey.
    • The whole bit about Brad's wife, a great fan of Transformers, meeting with Skids and Mudflap.
      • And Brad twisting the knife: "And remember, this is just a two minute clip. They're in the whole movie, and they get more screentime than Optimus!"
  • In his and Miles V-log of Bloodrayne The Third Reich, their realization, and subsequent disgust, that the movie would probably have sold more if it was just a straight up porno.

 Noah: Oh god, I feel like such a pig for saying that!

  • Spoony and the Snob discussing the Ho Yay between Rocky and Apollo in Rocky III, particularly regarding the favor Rocky owes him. "Okay, bend over."
    • Comtemplating how the robot in Rocky IV could have gone to Russia and been Rocky's trainer, after being given Mickey's voice.
    • Wondering how the robot could have been used in the next two movies. "Why was I programmed to feel pain?"
    • Speculating that Carl Weathers wasn't told about the robot.
    • In the last couple minutes, they get to talking about how Apollo didn't need to die in the fourth film but just be hospitalized, leading them to wonder what Rocky and Apollo's future interactions could have been like...mostly focused on Apollo being upset that Rocky didn't throw in the towel while he could still move.
    • While talking about Rocky IV Spoony attempts to imitate Stallone's big Say My Name moment but mixes the villain's name with one from another Stallone movie....

  Noah: PHOEENIIIIX!

    • The Snob admitting the worst part of his parents' divorce was having to see Caddyshack II twice in the theater.
  • In his Final Destination 5 v-log, he describes the antagonistic presence as "you playing The Sims".
  • Wondering at how no one in Contagion covers their mouth when they cough.
  • When he and Miles discuss about the new The Thing movie, Noah says he hated it, but Miles says, while actually talking about the original one, that it's his favorite horror movie of all time. Noah looks surprised and confused for a second, asks if he's talking about the original one, Miles confirms and Noah then looks at the camera for a split moment with an expression of "Phew, I was really scared for a second".
  • The thumbnail for his review of the Japanese Paranormal Activity is his demonstration of the protagonist's knock-kneed walk on her broken legs.
  • Spoony showing a glitch in DC Universe Online in which his character (Dr. Insano, naturally) ends up falling through the earth and onto the other side of the map.
    • (While spinning around) "I'm drilling through the earth, For Science!"
    • Sean mocking Spoony by jumping on his head while he's stuck under the map.
    • Briefly standing next to another guy who picked the same ridiculous pose for his character.
  • Spoony's vlog of Breaking Dawn. He just chugs on rum and whiskey, and as the video goes on he gets increasingly drunk off his ass. Add Linkara and Jew Wario and you have comedy gold. Of note would be the moment where he almost tries to screw the cap of the rum bottle onto his shotglass, while Oreo, sitting on the couch behind him, looks at her owner in confusion.
    • While on a few levels it's kinda sad, it is ungodly hilarious that this movie was soooo terrible, it drove Spoony, an admitted non drinker, to getting completely smashed off his ass. That's some powerful suck right there.
    • And also: "Lewis, you ignorant slut, you're trying to inject real science into this?!". Then some of those fans who quote that line in the comments spelling his name 'Louis'.
    • His reaction to Edward being all concerned about hurting Bella while they have sex.

 "Dude! Let her be on top! Problem solved!"

    • His sympathy for Bella's dad who is still entirely clueless that his daughter has married into a vampire family and is pregnant with a half-vampire child. "Mustache Dad is like 'ok'. He has completely given up, it's been three movies, she hasn't listened to him yet."
    • Reaction to Jacob imprinting on Renesmee. "I love this baby so much. I'm gonna fuck it one day."
    • "He injects her with his venom, and he bites her arm, and then he bites her thigh, and then he bites her boob. Dude, this is so not helping! Get a fucking defibrillator, you cunt!"
      • When Noah says that in his hundred-plus years Edward should have done something meaningful like becoming a doctor, Lewis breaks down at the thought of "Edward Cullen, MD", leaping around the hospital with dramatic ER music and declaring that this patient needs venom.
    • Discussing how ridiculous the name "Renesmee" is, since the name is a combination of the name of Bella's mother with the name of the island she and Edward honeymooned, Linkara offers a comparison if he were named such, mentioning his mother is named "Avonelle". Spoony's response is "wait wait, back the crazy train up...your mother's name is Avonelle?" The entire tangent afterwards as Linkara explains and Spoony makes fun while trying not to offend is gold.

 Linkara: I'll kick your ass, man!

Spoony: I'm sure mother Linkara is very nice.

Linkara: Damn straight.

    • Spoony doesn't get all the fun, Jew Wario provides this gem when they discuss Bella is willing to risk death to have her baby: "Well she's fulfilled her life goal [of fucking Edward] so what else does she have left to live for?"
    • Oreo apparently being an Empathy Pet and wanting some rum herself. And just the fact that during the entire hour and a half of morose rambling, she's in the background having plenty of fun.
    • The first time he takes a drink, Oreo gets up from her spot on the couch, while looking over Spoony's shoulder, wondering what he's doing.
      • When Oreo later goes for the shotglass straight out of Noah's hand, Noah pulls it away and says "No baby, this is Daddy's medicine. He needs this."
      • At one point, Oreo starts bugging him, so he starts playing fetch with her.
    • Noah's portrayal of the Volturi as Dr. Frankenfurter-esque dandies, as well as his declaration that apparently all they do all day is sit around in flowing black robes and be gay.
    • Lewis and Justin's Flat What reactions when Noah mentions the name "Reneesme".

  Jew Wario: "I hate hippies"

    • Hell, how about the START of the vlog, which is Noah with his head in his hands for a second before he looks up at the camera and intones "Piece. Of. SHIIIIIT!!"
      • Even better, Oreo freezes on the sofa while playing with her toy as he says it.
      • ...While Linkara deadpans, "So I take it you liked it?"
        • The thumbnail for the video summarizes the vlog perfectly--Spoony's head is on the coffee table buried in his arm, while two bottles of alcohol sit beside him; Oreo in the background on the couch is sound asleep.
    • When he goes to read his notes he took during the movie, he discovers that his attempt to write "Music is still awful" in a darkened theater resulted in an illegible scrawl that appeared to say "Merfolk is still awfer," leading to Lewis asking if there were mermaids in the movie.
      • Initially he read it as "Wetwork is still awesome", which is slightly less surreal.
    • All three of them losing it over his impression of Edward preparing to have sex with Bella, a completely unexcited "Okay, let's do this."
      • And then, "Okay, he doesn't say 'let's do this.' That'd be my move."
        • Followed by Justin interjecting the equally hilarious "'Hang on, let me go get my nose plugs.'"
      • Related to this, when he does an impression of Edward apologising to Bella for hurting her when they actually have sex - which is summed up with a completely deadpan "I'm too strong, I - I just fuck you too hard."
    • Spoony recaps Bella declaring the sex to be the best ever and Lewis starts quoting the "five best kisses" line.
    • Spoony belches with perfect timing when talking about Jacob talking to Bella at the wedding reception, making Jacob sound like the perfect drunk jackass Romantic Runner-Up.
    • Linkara absolutely breaking down when told about Bella and Edward playing chess as sexual foreplay.
      • As JewWario tries to make playing chess sound erotic: "Loser get bottomsies." "You took more than that, big boy. Ooh."
    • After watching it a few times, I personally love how much Spoony completely tempts fate. "I gotta have somebody here so I don't do something stupid." *45 minutes later, barely comprehensible through laughter* "I tried to put the lid on the shotglass!"
    • Every time Spoony mentions that the characters go to Rio, Oreo hears the sound as her name and perks up.
    • Lewis asks "Why on earth is there a truce based around this stupid, vacant-eyed psychopath?" (meaning Bella) and Spoony answers, "No, it's not about Edward."
    • At one point, as he's explaining Edward's only emotion/expression during all the films, he tries to replicate the expression on camera. He ends up pulling this really odd pout/frown/grimace face, which he only sustains for a few seconds before laughing. It needs to be seen to be believed.
  • In his vlog about going to Washington D.C. to protest SOPA, he relates how Angry Joe decided to shoot a video dressed as Corporate Commander on the steps of the Capitol Building, and Spoony and Rob Walker were scared to death that they would get in trouble (they had gotten permission, but still). It all culminated with Rob pointing out to Spoony that there were snipers on top of the buildings watching them. Spoony realizes how great an epitaph it would be on Joe's tombstone: "Shot dead on the steps of the Capitol Building dressed like Corporate Commander."
  • The Avengers: Spoony starts out facepalming, and goes "Oh my God... this was the biggest dumptruck of diarrhea I've ever seen in my fucking life." After a Beat, he suddenly smiles and goes "Gotcha!"
    • His Insistent Terminology where he constantly refers to Nick Fury's superiors as the "Shadowy Council Of People In Poorly Lit Rooms Who Secretly Run The World".
  • For Snow White and the Huntsman, his complete inability to suspend his disbelief for the idea that Kristen Stewart is "fairer" than Charlize Theron.


Wrestle! Wrestle! (And Wrestling V-Logs)

  • His review of the Slammies was brilliant from beginning to end, but this troper's favorite line comes near the end, where Spoony describes the way to defend your title:

 "'It's a no disqualification match now!' So, I'm just gonna take out my .45 and I'm gonna shoot John Cena. And assuming he sells THAT, I've just killed the guy, I pin his corpse, and I win! That's pro wrestling, folks!"

  • Spoony's February 27, 2010 Vlog, a 90 minute long video picking apart an episode of TNA Impact, is worth sitting through, if only for the moment when he completely loses his fudge over seeing a sign in the audience declaring that Scott Hall rules.

 "There's a--what the fu...No! NOOO!!! (slack-jawed) There's a sign in the crowd that says "Hall Rules". (WTF?! face) 'Hall rules'? Hall does not rule! He's never ruled!! NOTHING IS RULED BY HALL! NOBODY WOULD BE RULED BY SCOTT HALL! THERE'S NO RULAGE! HE IS NOT A RULER! SCOTT HALL?! "In Hogan We Trust"! Fine. Hogan's an asshole. There's an asshole with a sign that says "Bubba Army"! "The Bubba Army"?! You know what? I BUY THAT! The guy said "Fuck Haiti"; I can see people agreeing with that--it's bullshit, but there's assholes out there--But nobody is that deranged to think that Scott Hall has ruled anything! SCOTT HALL DOES NOT RULE! (pause) THEY'RE STILL TALKING! (pause) I SHOULD MAKE YOU WATCH THIS!"

"You think we're gonna see wrestling, right?" (leans into the camera) "WRONG!"

"I one day aspire to be like Ric Flair in making a video, just like--(launches into Ric Flair impersonation) 'I HATE THIS GAME! I HATE IT! AHHHHHH'--and start elbow-dropping my coat."

"Now...I could go on about how we're dealing with a wrestling program in which a 300-pound Samoan is kidnapped by ninjas who drive a panel van? But I won't. He goes, 'You know, I've called Samoa Joe, I've left messages on his voicemail, and it's been a week, and there's been no answer. Where do you hide a 300-pound Samoan?' he says. ... I don't know! BUT HE WAS ABDUCTED BY NINJAS!! NINJAS!!! CALL THE COPS!!!!! THERE ARE NINJAS KIDNAPPING PEOPLE ON TV! THE COOOPS! Did no one get a license plate?! Do ninfgh--Ninjas! Kidnapping! TV! WE'RE NOT STUPID!"

(laughing, which then dissolves into sobbing and whimpering) "I hate this show..."

(cackling) "Wrestling! Wrestling! WRESTLE! WRESTLLLLLLLLLE!" (Smash Cut) "I'm watching the commercials now... The commercials are less stupid. They keep me calm."

"Now he's cutting onions!"

    • Being genuinely amused at Ken Anderson's shtick, where he summons an old-timey microphone from the ceiling, and picturing him summoning said mic during non-wrestling situations (e.g. fighting a traffic ticket in court)
    • When discussing Jay Lethal's "Black Machismo" gimmick (namely, pretending to be "Macho Man" Randy Savage), Spoony discovers that he can actually do a pretty good Macho Man voice himself; he then recites the Bonesaw speech from Spider-Man.
      • "Hahahaha, he's like Macho Man, only black! Oh, those colored people, they are not "Macho Man" Randy Savage, hahahaha."
  • From the inaugural episode of Spoony's new wrestling VLog series Wrestle! Wrestle!:

 Spoony: Hulk Hogan couldn't throw a fucking dropkick in 1984. In 2010, Hulk Hogan couldn't throw a fucking dropkick if you had a six man wire team and he was wearing rocket boots.

  • Spoony's take on what wrestlers say when he recapss them are pretty funny, but his Miz one is epic.

 "Oh shit, scary big black man!"

"I've got all year motherfuckers!"

  • From his latest wrestling rant, hilarious moments include his impression of Tommy Dreamer, him repeating Taz's insanely stupid statements such as "If my aunt had a yam-bag she'd be my uncle", and him talking about Kevin Nash's 3 minute promo which made no sense to him after three viewings. Also, him reading off his notes in general, but specifically about when Dixie Carter came out "Oh shit there's like 12 minutes left in this show and its all going to be Dixie talking".
  • His imitation of Michael Cole's reactions to Miz and Daniel Bryan during his Wrestle! Wrestle! review of Summerslam 2010.
  • From the 8/26/10 review of iMPACT!:

  Not only are fours prominent in the picture, "Fourtune" is not spelled the way you'd think it's spelled. It's spelled F-O-U-R-T-U-N-E. Fourtune. AS IN FOUR GUYS! THERE'S SIX GUYS! Jesus Christ! This is why iMPACT! is stupid: they can't count!

  • "'You don't want me to get Hulk Hogan out here Sting, because Hulk Hogan will...have a bad back at you.'"
  • "PARKOUR!" when describing John Morrison's wrestling. Made funnier as a Call Back when Randy Orton reverses John Cena's AA into an RKO through a table.
    • "Cole totally wants the Mizz-jizz."
  • His latest Wrestle Wrestle has the return of his reaction to a John Cena vs Randy Orton match. A scream of anguish.
  • His 9-16-2010 TNA Vlog starts out with him looking dead. He explains that Sean Faust is taking over the WWE programs, so he can focus on TNA. He then rolls his eyes, and then wonders how it's possible to put on a terrible show every single week, while apologizing for engaging in such hyperbole. Its not hyperbole. He then goes on to explain how even the recap was stupid, while wondering if they understand that you are supposed to pretend that wrestling in general takes place in the real world. It's a problem that they have a lot in this particular episode, what with Abyss abducting and torturing people with branding irons in the back.
    • The crowning moment though is when he completely loses his composure and breaks down laughing for a good while soon after he finishes quoting Brian Kendrick during the Fourtune segment.
      • "'I am a descended god!' No, Brian, you're a descended testicle."
    • The kicker to his whole rant involving Abyss torturing people with a branding iron: near the end, when he suggests actually taping himself branding Bennett the Sage's genitals.
      • *holds hands over his nose* "Dreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeamer ..."
  • His 10-16-10 may just be the funniest one yet. From how he singlehandedly and brutally shows how TNA writer fails at law with the whole Eric taking over TNA and how he tricked Dixie with the whole contract thing, to his reaction to Eric Young and J Woww's promo.
    • Specifically after describing all the bullshit that's gone on in the first hour of the show which has had exactly one wrestling match that lasted exactly one pin count, he says 'This is where it gets bad' and describes the how he was paralyzed with fear at the Eric Young promo as if he was in a nightmare, and how it will be the last thing people will hear when he goes into a homicidal rage.
    • Some of his best moments have to be him comparing TNA to the decline and fall of the WCW empire including total nonsense that has gone on with the contract nonsense, the women's title which was surrendered and how you will be able to tell when he goes crazy when he says its a brilliant satire, the return of Hollywood Hogan and the monolithic nWo group of 'Immortal', and how they seem to be compacting its years long fall to a three hour show every week.
  • From the 11/1 show: "I'm wrestling with a concussion right now! WOOOO!" *flop*
    • He states he fell asleep while watching, slept for 6 hours, while his DVR played that episode of Impact! on an endless loop. It apparently gave him nightmares. And the nightmares were more entertaining.
    • Also, Spoony's pain at knowing who Gunner and Murphey, the reoccurring heel security guards who are in the show more than many wrestlers are.
  • His 1-6-11 Vlog was his first Wrestle Wrestle in almost a month. At the beginning he explains that the episode will be like his previous format where he would first watch Impact before pausing it and giving us his thoughts then and there. After 5 minutes of casually explaining this he goes ahead and cuts the camera so in the next shot he will have seen some of Impact. His very first words on the first cut?
    • "Okay! Already I've got a big problem with this show!"
    • His impression of Mick Foley, 'nuff said.
  • His bashing of Karen Jarrett and Velvet Sky's screeching voices in the 1-29-11 Vlog, from him mocking Karen and Velvet's voices to him actually making the viewers listen to Velvet Sky demanding Winter to come to the ring.

 Velvet Sky: "Well I got something to say to you, you glass-bottom-boat-loving bitch!"

  • His 2-9-11 V Log. This troper just lost it when this line was spoken:
    • "Oh, that's Obi-Wan Kenobi isn't it?"
    • Unfortunately, due to the content of Impact that night, that was really the only funny part in the v-log.
      • His statements about TNA's failure to do basic things for their attempt at resurrecting the Main Event Mafia (like making sure half their roster was on the TNA payroll) were actually kinda humorous, as well as his relief that Booker T replaced Matt Striker. Tellingly, this occurred before TNA went and pushed his berserk button.
    • Steiner math. Using Scott's very tenuous grasp on mathematics against him. And then having a Divide by Zero moment when the "Kurt Angle factor" now worked in Steiner's favor. "Wow. I blew my mind."
  • From his 2-17-2011 Impact review, first the list of things he could be doing besides watching Impact, second the contrast between before he had watched, and after the first segment, third, TNA failing the four year old test to whether custody of children can be determined by results of a wrestling match, fourth, comparing the Jarrets' segment and use of strawberries within to Lord Kat rubbing one on his nipples and also questioning the internal logic of those segments regarding Kurt Angle, fifth, the no shenanigans/ no cheating match stipulation between Velvet Sky and Sarita, when cheating should already be illegal, sixth, calling, then immediately getting the payoff for Flair turning on Fourtune, seventh, his impression of the Pope's promo about how Reagan, and Jesus support the Pope also Pope hiring Kato/Okata, and why he's there, eighth, the boobs on Miss Brooks, the 10 second Scott Stiner promo, and finding out they are promoting it on the website as an attraction for next week, and finally promising he was going to get booze next week. There was a lot more, Spoony was really on fire this week.
    • "If you wanna replicate the experience of Karen Jarrett's voice, simply listen to someone playing Dead Space. *Hellish Screech*"
    • "Seriously, like every fucking thing Karen Angle is saying she's...reminding us that in the near future, they're going to have loud, filthy sex. And if there's one thing I never need to think about ever again in my life, it's Jeff Jarrett, naked sweaty and thrusting."
  • Miles gets one in the Wrestlemania XXVII review:

 "And if you want to know who won the feud between 'Taker and Kane, Kane was in the undercard and had a ninety second match. Who's the real winner here?"

    • Also, the two brothers debate what's worse: Sting versus Jeff Hardy or The Miz versus John Cena?
    • Miles actually got one with the first thing he spoke, after Spoony apologised for the way he treated him the last V-Log they did together.

  Miles: It's okay; I cook food for you, so I get my revenge in other ways.

  • In the Money In The Bank 2011 v-log, after Spoony recaps the CM Punk contract segment from the previous Raw & explaining that Punk had requested his face on everything, including the turnbuckles & that Mr McMahon would have signed the contract if John Cena hadn't screwed everything up, Miles chimes in.

  Miles: I wanted my CM Punk turnbuckles!

    • Spoony then goes on to say that he was half expecting, after McMahon actually caved into Punk's demands, that Punk was going to turn around and remark "Really? Shit man, I was just joking! Really?! Okay!"
    • Spoony and Miles doing their impressions of Randy Orton's ridiculous faces he made while going crazy after losing his match against Christian.


Articles & Other Videos

  • During the streaming of his Catherine gameplay, Spoony is utterly baffled that most people wouldn't streak through the streets, even if given enough money.
    • "Hell yeah! How much are we talking about?" (waits for poll results) "This isn't even going to be close... Really. Most people said no. Really."
    • After defeating "Doom's Bride" (a giant, shrieking naked woman in a wedding veil who wields a knife), he quipped, "That's basically Scarlett in the morning."[6]
  • Spoony finally discovering someone more manly than Yor: Sabin. Because MOTHERFUCKER SUPLEXED A TRAIN.
  • During the crossover review of an Avengers video game with Linkara, Dr. Insano brings us....NEUTRO 2.0! It, well, it doesn't last long.

 Dr. Insano: (After Neutro 2.0 is destroyed) Right, erm...I'll just let myself out. (leaves)

    • Also, in the same video, Spoony's reaction to meeting 90s Kid for the first time.
      • "Just ignore him. He's like a pop-up ad that won't go away."
    • The blooper at the end of the video as well.

 Dr. Insano: (A book flies past him) Missed me!

  • Spoony as a parody of Captain Jack Sparrow listing what he considers to be the greatest comic-books about pirates of all time (he's only able to think of Tales of the Black Freighter from Watchmen). Cue a long awkward silence and then the end credits.
  • Spooning with Spoony, Part Two All of it.
    • His commentary on it is also a killer, as he struggles to understand the logistics of the show within its own universe. "Who's holding the camera? I mean, I know Rob Walker's holding the camera, but like in the continuity of this show, who the hell is standing over the bed holding the camera, and why is this person never acknowledged?"
      • "Why do the police never stop me?!"
      • He finishes his commentary by thanking his girlfriend for not killing him for this, and concluding that he has a weird job.
  • Anytime Ultimate Warrior shows up. Or more to the point, Spoony's hilarious impression of him:
    • AT WRESTLEMANIA, HOAK HOGAN, YOU WILL FEEL THE FULL FORCE OF MY DESTRUCITY! AND YOU HAD BETTER BE FOKED, HOAK HOGAN, BECAUSE I AM GOING TO FOKE MYSELF THIS SUNDAY ON EXACTLY ONE THING, HOAK HOGAN: THE WWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP! AND YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO CLICK YOUR HEELS THREE TIMES AND ESCAPE MY MATRIX, HOAK HOGAN! YOU HAVE LESS CHANCE THAN TWO FIGHTERS AGAINST A STAR DESTROYER! THE ONLY WAY TO STOP THE POWER OF THE WARRIOR IS TO TAKE OFF AN NUKE THE SITE FROM ORBIT, HOAK HOGAN! SKROOOOONK!
    • I NEED SCISSORS!! SIXTY-OOOONNNE!!!!
    • It's clear that Spoony has at least heard of is a fan of Botchamania, because, in addition to the Warrior bits, his Hulk Hogan impersonation includes the "the apple pie" Mondegreen and the "NUMBAHHH ONE! (belt whip)", both of which are Botchamania staples.
    • "DESTRUCILICIOUS!"
    • THIS LINKARA COMIC DOES NOT CONTAIN NEARLY ENOUGH DESTRUCITY, HOKE HOGAN!
      • Whatcha gonna do, when I unleash these 24 inch pythons of SCIENCE on you dude?
    • BUTTONS! BUTTONS! WHO'S GOT THE BUTTONS?
    • Dr. Linksano's initial appearance, explaining what the different universes are like.

 Linksano: For instance, in my universe, Wayne Brady is black!

Spoony: He's black in this one too.

Linksano: Silence, you sad silly bastard!

    • The Warrior Christmas Special: "He raped Santa!"
      • "No one rapes Santa on our watch!"
  • On the same note, Spoony putting subtitles over videos of the Ultimate Warrior, which are suppose to illustrate what he's saying. Especially:

 Ultimate Warrior: They're seeping through!

Subtitles: They have horrible diarrhea.

  • Spoontok of the Klingon Empire.

  We have a holodeck on my Bird Of Prey, and we have to hose it down nightly! Those walls are sticky as hell.

  • This line, from the "Reasons I Shouldn't Write Screenplays" article on Captain N:

 Oh yeah, the Metroids are coming, and you have Edward Cullen to thank.

  • From the Gamecrazy training video: As if Jive Turkey Zelda wasn't funny enough, there's this: "Even Flavor Flav would say you've gone too far with this performance. Either that, or he'd be madly in love."
    • The Totally Radical is hilarity in and of itself, but hearing some of Spoony's reactions -- such as hearing "Zelda" go "Booyah!" and then Spoony gets up and walks around the room laughing so hard and loud the mic still picks up his laughter.
  • Dr. Insano tries to break into a parade like Ferris Bueller. "STOP RESISTING!"
    • And the commentary reveals that the cop was played by Noah's brother Miles, who is really a cop and was wearing his own uniform and riot helmet (carefully turned so we couldn't see his insignia and get the Arizona police even more of a bad reputation).
  • The framing material for the Kristanna Loken interview, where he keeps discussing how it was done under pretty much the worst possible conditions with the benefit of a year of hindsight. Plus, Linkara's Oh Crap reactions whenever Loken starts getting suspicious about what the two of them really think of her movies.
    • "I'm sure he means well."
    • Caption: You can actually see Linkara digging his own grave.
  • From the Nintendo customer service video, as a man tries to return an incredibly dirty NES: "Well, this is what happens when you call your console the Nintendo Wii!"
  • His demonstration of the Battlestar Galactica board game starts out with a concept sure to make any BSG fan double over in hysterics: President Ellen Tigh. And to make it even better, she's played by Spoony himself.
    • Early in the game, he succeeds in a difficult dice roll to get more food, and loudly declares "I AM THE BEST PRESIDENT EVER!"
  • I always get a kick out of a few of the headers from his site that changes every time you reload the page: "Because the forky and knifey experiment was already taken..." "Spoony: 1, Little Miss Gamer: 0" being a few highlights. But I got a good laugh today at seeing "What, you want me to come up with something funny every time you reload?"
  • On the commentary for his crossover with Lord Kat about beating Pumpkinhead's Revenge, he realizes he accidentally called the guy who actually managed to beat the game and let them use his footage "fucking pathetic" and hastily tries to backtrack. "You are a god among men. You have slain the Pumpkinhead, and I tip my hat to you, sir."
    • In the crossover itself, when Spoony says the game makes less sense than Blitzball:

 Lord Kat: At least Blitzball was integral to the plot!

Spoony: [Punches Lord Kat in the face]

 Ultramarine "In the Emperor's name, stand aside, you are in my way"

Spoony: "Oh you son of a-!" [notices that he just screamed at an Ultramarine, backs off]

Ultramarine [Shakes head at camera]

    • Which turns into a Running Gag when a pair of Jedi do the same thing at the launch of Star Wars: The Old Republic.
        • And again when a pair of North Korean soldiers from Homefront do it
    • Spoony's reacting to the new X-COM game by screaming "BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETTRRRRAAAAAYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" at the top of his lungs in the middle of the conference hall prompting Angry Joe of all people to put on an Oh Crap face and later say "I'm not with him!" while stepping away from the camera.
      • Made even more hilarious when you realize his cry was so loud it echoed.
    • Spoony's added captions at the Epic Micky promo

 Dancing, painting man not included in Epic Mickey

Repetitive Music Playing DJ not included in Epic Mickey

None of this has anything to do with Epic Mickey

    • The captions about Fable 3 after the interviewee compares the protagonist to Obama:

 FABLE 3: THE RISE OF OBAMA

THE ECONOMY SUCKS!

DARK ELVES ARE TAKING OUR JOBS!

  • Although "It Came from Beyond Midnight" is meant to be more informative than funny(and has gotten mixed reviews, to say the least), the cut (in Part 7) to Spoony as embittered, snobbish movie critic Leslie Striker had this troper howling.
    • "Make love to my massive Jesus vagina, Joshua!"
  • A brief snippet from Spoony's live streaming gameplay of X-Com: Terror from the Deep: On his first turn, he sends all his guys out of his ship. On the aliens' first turn, they lob a hand grenade into his formation and take out his entire team in one hit. The rest of the video is about 30 seconds of Noah laughing uproariously at the Epic Fail.
    • THEY ALL DIED BOOM!!"
  • At his SGC appearance, during a discussion of Yu-Gi-Oh! one of the fans brings up a fact from the manga. Spoony's response: "Heh, you read the manga. What was the question again?"
    • On being questioned about slash fic with him and Linkara: "I just want to know how they knew so many details."
    • In the middle of describing the numerous Shocking Swerves of Metal Gear Solid 2's ending, he realizes, "You think I'm making this up, don't you?"
    • The greatest FFVIII-related death threat he ever got:

  "You motherfucker. I hope you die getting hit by a truck full of cancer. lol"

 Leonardo da Vinci (about the Mona Lisa): [speaks Italian]

Spoony: Oh my god, that's perverted! I never knew that's why she was smiling!

 Captain Z-Ro: Hang on, Jet. Hang on.

Spoony as Jet: Oh, that's brilliant advice, Captain Z-Ro, thanks, I never would have thought of that!

    • "[Leonardo]'s working on the Mona Lisa. One of his most famous paintings. He started it many years ago, but he died still feeling it was unfinished." "There. Finished."
    • "And now for the hidden message, So dark the con of man, yes."
    • "No, turn the machine off, you idiot! There's a fly in there!"
    • "Unfortunately, da Vinci never got his flying machine to work." "Unless you played Assassin's Creed II, that was awesome."
  • Spoony singing Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit" at PAX. Glorious.
    • What changes it from "entertaining" to "freaking hysterical" is contrast between everyone else playing alongside with him standing uncomfortably rigid, and then Spoony hamming it up to the nth degree in the middle.
      • Lampshaded by Spoony himself: "And may we never speak of this again".
    • And then playing Let's Dance 2. "Who was taping this? Turn it off, turn it off!"
      • And then, the words "SHAME REACHING CRITICAL MASS" appear in large red letters.
    • The Final Fantasy series has officially become his Berserk Button after seeing the horrible demo of the fourteenth game at PAX. His mention of when the game will be released, usually played straight even with other games he hates, includes him shouting that he's only telling us this so we can feel good when we don't buy it.
      • Especially hilarious was his answer to the question how many MMO games had better PAX demonstrations than FF XIV.

 "ALL OF THEM!!!!"

 "Ah, Wendy's chili--right up there with Jack-in-the-Box tacos and the Filet-o-Fish as the culinary equivalent of playing Russian Roulette."

"Yeah I like picking on the chili. Eat me."

    • His impression of the founder of Wendy's and his pronunciation of "Fashion" and "Fresh"

  "Yeah, let's get some old "FAYSHON" "FRAYSH" burgers for our "FRAYNDS".

  • From the Mazes and Monsters commentary, Spoony revealing that his response to a film consisting of anti-Dungeons and Dragons propaganda that made his life hell as a youth when his mother saw it was not anger at this, but annoyance that the film was so boring and failed to really convey that it was the game that made the protagonist suicidal. Instead, he reveals, a few years ago he wrote a half-finished script for an Exploitation Film called Creatures and Caverns which does the concept competently, proving that D&D leads to orgies and human sacrifice!
    • And the reason he didn't finish it was the sudden realization that he'd never be able to find anyone willing to act in it (seeing as the depravity on display would be, according to Spoony, on par with Caligula), though he promises to finish it off if any viewers do think they could put it on film.
  • Twitter post on 11/24/10:

  Hour 12 of quitting caffeine cold-turkey: hurled a Coke bottle at my brother, tearfully shrieking "I'M SO EXCITED" before sobbing helplessly

    • His stand-up show him taking the whole thing with grace and dignity.

  I can't have caffeine, so fuck every last one of you.

  • "Spoony & Gang Go To White Castle": 20 minutes of Spoony and his friends discussing White Castle food, while the elderly couple behind them stares uncomprehendingly.
    • In particular, Spoony's description of his commercial for White Castle Dusseldorf Mustard, especially after Paw provides feedback.
  • His stand up routine about ordering junk food with the Star Trek replicators.
    • Though he forgets the best part of the routine until the middle of his Q&A session, about the convention's woefully inadequate supply of elevators and one woman who got an elevator to herself by shouting that she had children, "like the first white bitch off the Titanic."
  • In a discussion about high school activities on Lord Kat's stream on 01/23/11, Arc Light speculated that Spoony might have been a cheerleader, to which he replied "FUCK YOU I was in the marching band!"
    • "I played the fucking glockenspiel. You don't even fucking know what a glockenspiel is."
      • Which aren't exactly the manliest instruments, since the glockenspiel is more or less a xylophone.
  • Mestema Poohs and his Dancing Teeth. That is all.
  • From his panel with Maffew of Botchamania at Magfest, his impression of wrestlers, but especially Wade Barret and Randy Orton.

  "You don't understand. 'head turn and looking downward at the mic' I kick you in the skull, I kick your mother in the skull, I kick my own Grandmother in the skull if it meant getting the world heavyweight title." then looking upward confusedly.

    • Also saying that saying 'Woo' after things makes them okay.
    • Describing the storyline where Edge kidnapped Paul Bearer, and proceeded to torment Kane by destroying mannequins dressed as Bearer week after week as "like Spy versus Spy".
  • On another occasion on LordKat's stream, Spoony mentioned that while at was at MAGFest 9, he ran into Stuttering Craig. While ScrewAttack and Channel Awesome don't necessarily have the best history, the two men managed to have an intelligent and civil conversation. Afterwards, Spoony breathed a sigh of relief and got on an elevator with LordKat:

 Spoony: You'll never guess who I just ran into. Stuttering Craig.

Stuttering Craig: [from back of elevator] Hi, Spoony.

    • After Craig got off the elevator, he said LordKat literally fell on the floor laughing.
    • Almost as funny was Spoony's confession that he was slightly worried, because he couldn't remember what tone of voice he'd used when he said Craig's name....
  • His first update from PAX East 2011 is a simple picture of a grumpy Spoony standing next to a Teddie cosplayer. Cue the bear puns.
  • Spoony's iRiff of After Last Season, during the horrific CG of fish, Noah inexplicably breaks into Disney's Little Mermaid songs out of despair and boredom.

  Spoony: (Near Tears) Up where they walk, up where they run, up where they stay all day in the sun. Wandering free, wish the damn scene, would fucking end. (Breaks down crying)

  • Three Words: The Human Spider. Especially The Stinger at the end.

 Doctor Insano: [evil laugh] Even for me this is really fucked up!

  • The return of the "Betrayal" scream in the intro for Spoony's E3 2011 X-Com video.
    • For that matter, the Betrayal scream itself, at 22:45/ You can hear it echo. Angry Joe's reaction is the best.
  • The morning after the release of Fallout: New Vegas, Spoony livestreamed himself playing the game. There was some mild amusement over the fact that he managed (in true Dr. Insano fashion) to "science" his way out of every interpersonal conflict in the game. However, the real humor came during the "Wang Dang Atomic Tango" side quest when he recruited a sex robot -- and got "Fisto".

 Fisto: Fully Integrated Security Technotronic Officer active and reporting for duty.

Spoony: (awkward pause) Okay, that is not what I had in mind when I asked for a sex robot.

(Selects "Let's shorten that to Fisto" dialogue option.)

Fisto: Yes, sir. Fisto reporting for duty. Please assume the position.

Spoony: Uhhhh....

(Selects "What?! No!" dialogue option.)

Fisto: I am programmed for your pleasure. (firmly) Please assume the position.

Spoony: GAH! NO!

(Chat room erupts with laughter.)

Chat Person #1: Go on, DO IT!

Chat Person #2: DO IT!

Chat Person #3: Don't be a pussy!

Spoony: Guys, I am not fucking the robot!

Chat Person #4: Dr. Insano would do it!

Spoony: Yeah, well Insano's not here right now!

 Spoony: It's the fucking PowerPoint Fairy!

  • His new dog almost taking out the camera during a game of fetch.
    • He tells us she's great at fetch and even drops the ball when she brings it back. He then has to call her over once she gets it, and pull it out.
    • "She's...in my crotch right now." (As he's talking about how nice she is.)
    • Without missing a beat, while talking about Shadowrun Noah picks up one of Oreo's squeaky toys, squeaks it a few times and throws it. The offhand way he does it is hilarious.
  • His cameo in The Nostalgia Critic's review of Moulin Rouge! Critic, The Nostalgia Chick, and Brental Floss teleport into Spoony's bathroom. Spoony, busy brushing his teeth, looks over with a perfect "WTF?!" for a split second before they teleport out again.
  • In his livestream of the DOS game "Castles", the way he reads out the Messenger moral choice options, which invariably include an option ending in "...and then HAVE HIM MURDERED!"
  • From his Kingdom Hearts livestream:
    • He takes great delight in the fact that the game gives him the opportunity to fight Final Fantasy characters he hates, such as Squall, Wakka, Tidus...and Selphie ("Yes, I am fighting a girl whose weapon is a jump rope!") In fact he spends almost the first two hours of gameplay repeatedly fighting them all, even though (due to his lack of experience with the game) he initially keeps losing.
    • He was especially amused that the game allowed him to name the raft "Pussy Wagon".
    • When Aeris appears, he says "You're dead!" in a hilariously bored/outraged way--particularly funny if you've seen the Final Fantasy reviews where he parodies fans by tearing up over her death.
    • When he goes to Wonderland, cue the inevitable call backs to "Tandem's Last Ride"...

  Spoony (about the Cheshire Cat): Please tell me I get to kill this motherfucker...

    • When cloud appears

  "Spoon (As Cloud):" Fanboys you may now commence Fapping

  • "Spoony-Wan Trains Oreo." ALL OF IT.

Notes

  1. "I Feel Fantastic" by Jonathan Coulton, a song about psychiatric drug overperscription
  2. he calls it Thousand Mile, but it still applies
  3. For the record, it was a stage cigarette filled with talcum powder (you blow in it instead of sucking, this resembles smoke); Spoony was making comments about such a thing on Twitter some time ago
  4. Well one's a robot, but that's not really important right now
  5. Jasper
  6. Especially notable because, though he refuses to otherwise speak poorly of her, this marked the first time he was able to joke about his ex-girlfriend.
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