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Commando

  • "This message will self-destruct in one second." "Huh?" *BOOM!!!*
  • "OOOOHOHOHOHO, YOU GOT ICE CREAM ON MY FACE! OHOHO, WHAT A SPECTACLE! IT'S STILL ON MY FACE! I SHALL REMEMBER THIS FOREVER, AS 'ICE CREAM DAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!'"
  • Critic lampshading how Arnold is a Boring Invincible Hero and One-Man Army.
    • He starts out by showing Ahnold owning the mooks. Then he shows a bomber flying at him. The camera cuts to Arnold, and the plane crashes and explodes. Then there's a clip of charging Mumakil from Lord of the Rings: cut to Arnold, they all fall over in a screaming, armored-elephant heap. Then he shows the Death Star...
  • Critic wildly firing his gun in random directions and still somehow hitting the random mooks from the film.
  • The opening sequence, which plasters Doug's wonderful mug over various posters from other Ah-nold movies, all set to the Stupid Statement Dance Mix of "Put That Cookie Down".
  • "Oh yeah. You like watching two people doin' it while Arnold Schwarzenegger and some random black guy are fighting in the background? Our research says that at least 1% of the population does. That's why we're presenting 'Some Like It Rough'. Because we know somebody gets off on this."
  • "Okay, this is just a competition of who can make the sillier face now!" 
  • "Captain... No 'splash'!"
  • Arnold: "You're a funny guy, Sully. I like you. That's why I'm gonna kill you last." YEEEEEAAAAHHHH!!!
  • YOU HAVE TO CALL COLLEEEEECT! IT WILL SAVE YOU MONEY AND IS SO MUCH CHEAPER FOR THE OTHER CALLER!
  • "Hey Sully, remember when I said I'd kill you last? I lied."
    • Holy shit that was AWESOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.....!
  • "This is starting to look more like a Jackass stunt."
  • "Dude! Do you know how much preparation I had to put into that set up? You're a freaking a-hole!"
  • His cracks about the soundtrack.
  • 'Hello, this is your Captain speaking, asking for you to put your seats in the upright positions. We also ask you to NOT knock the person sitting beside you out, and then snap their neck, tucking them in and making them look as though they're sleeping. Thank you.'
  • The "Arnold!" song. No, not the "Put that cookie DAUN!" one.
  • "Oh, I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay/I sleep all night, and apparently I wear women's clothing. Ya."
  • "But luckily the flight attendant is here to return your seats and tray tables to their upright--KICK YOUR FUCKING ASS!!!" *KABOOM!!!* 
  • "Mommy, I want some ice-cream, some cookies, and I want it now, now now now now NOW!!!"
  • Neo's reaction to the main character's name being John Matrix

  Neo: Woah!


Junior

  • His reaction to the freaky Ahnold baby.
  • Also, the Critic getting his own Big Lipped Alligator Moment.
  • Hey kids, let's play "find the joke", with Dora the Explorer!
  • And, of course, the reasons why men couldn't get pregnant. Of course, there are those nasty morals and the body thing, what with men not having vaginas, for instance, but it's just the top of the iceberg. "There'd be a lot more complaining", "if a baby kicks, the man would probably kick back" and "our solution to losing the baby weight would be 'losing the baby'" are my personal favourites. 
    • Full list - It's morally insane. Men don't have vaginas. Men don't have uteruses. You'd be playing genetic Monopoly. No man would volunteer unless doing it for a movie role. There'd be a lot more complaining. Abortions would skyrocket. EVERY child would be left behind. Men would never take care of themselves properly. A man could get pregnant just by jerking off (I think). Jesus would cry. God knows what kind of mutations would arise. This would probably be some form of incest. Every man would have his tubes tied. If a baby kicks, the man would probably kick back. No man is going through a friggin' C-section. Men are horrible at throwing baby showers. No man could resist alcohol during pregnancy. In fact, they'd probably drink more. No man is wearing a mumu [sic]. We'd just look silly. Our solution to losing the baby weight would be "Losing the baby." No man would ever have sex again if they knew a baby was coming out of it -- excuse me -- out of THEM! Men have no practice. Men have no patience. Men have no...just fuck it, we're not doing it!


Conan The Barbarian

  • "Oh, no, she's pulling me into Avatar! The visuals will be stunning, but the story will be absolute bullshit!"
  • "Guys, I told you to watch the place while I was a snake! Can't a guy just be a snake for five minutes without something going wrong?"
  • "Well, gee, when you put it like that...FUCK YOU!"
  • His impersonation of Mako at the beginning of the review, that is all.
    • Complete with him rushing to do the "worshipping Mako" pose from the Sidekicks review as soon as he mentions the name.
  • "Conan The Cummer...Eww."
    • Made even better with the Arnold clip from Pumping Iron where he compares working out to cumming, and the Critic has the most horrified expression on his face.

 Critic: ... Good for you.

  • "Ooh! I'd like to ask her for directions!"
  • "Forgive them, Crom. They know not what they do."
    • "Behold! We have reached Jerusalem! Wait, what?"
  • After the whole "Asking directions bit," his reaction to the woman disppearing.
    • "...Kay."
  • His reaction to James Earl Jones turning into a snake. His lack of emotion makes it even better.

  "....Well that's just silly."

  • Wheel! Of! Torture!
  • "Push wheel? Look, all I understand is wheels. Please, do you have a wheel? May I push it?"
    • On that note:

 "Thank you, Sir. May I have a wheel now?"

"Will you shut up about the wheel!"

  • When James pulls a woman of a cliff using magic, Goofy screams. Even if you don't know where it's from, it's still hilarious.

  YAAH-HO-HO-HWEEE!

  • When Conan is ordered to be crucified, it cuts away to Hedley Lamar dismissing the idea as "Too Jewish."
  • The scene where Conan beheads James Earl Jones and then throws his head down the steps, dubbed over with "Ow. Ow. Owowowowowow."


Conan The Destroyer

  • "It sucks BALLS! Let's watch it..."
  • "Hail, Conan of Nazareth!"
  • "Hey look at that Abu, it's not everyday you see a horse with two rear ends!"
  • "Hehehehehe! They got me because Rob Schneider was off making worse movies, a-hehehehehehehe!!"
  • "Who said I was a woman?"
  • "How do you attract a man?" "I spear him, gut him, then wear him."
  • DOUCHE
  • Sex Talk with Weasley Guy
  • Regarding the monster at the end...

  NC: It looks like a Rankin-Bass stop motion puppet that was shat out by Swamp Thing

  • Similarly... 

  Boy, I feel a little weird saying this, but Conan is literally fighting a one-eyed, one-horned giant purple people eater. And you know what? It sure looks strange to me.

  • The brief shot of the poster for Alvin and the Chipmunks during the scene where Mako's character uses his magic to have the leader of Dagoth worshippers see the thing he fears the most.
  • "The God of Nonchalantness..."
  • The teasing about the magic spell that simply makes a "ding" sound is notable too.

 Lightning Mage!Critic: My magic produces lightning! *uses force lightning*

Fire Mage!Critic: MY Magic produces FIRE! *creates a small burst of flame*

Ding Magic!Critic: MY magic goes... *DING!*

Other Mage!Critics: *unimpressed*

Ding Magic!Critic: *produces several more dings before getting force lightning in the face*


End of Days

  Critic: "Looks like Mel Gibson's house."

  • "NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!"
  • The return of Santa Christ!
    • Who is also afraid of the CAAAAT! 
  • "3-1-20".
  • His name for the 'drink'.

 Critic: Big deal. Who hasn't has a Coffee-Beer-Pepto-Bismol-Chinese-Food-And-Pizza Slurpie. Or as I like to call it...Cbpbcfps.

  • This exchange...

 Marge Francis: The guy doesn't have a tongue.

Critic: (imitating Arnold) NEITHER DO I, BUT THAT DOESN'T STOP ME FROM SPEAKING, AGHAGHAGHAGH!!!

  • And this one...

 Kevin Pollak: Hey Arnold, say it.

Schwarzenegger: No

Kevin Pollak: Come on, just say it!

Schwarzenegger: No.

Kevin Pollak: I'll pay you 50 bucks if you say it.

Schwarzenegger: (sighs) Get to the choppa.

Kevin Pollak: Haha, you just made me splooge.

  • "Alright, who crucified the patient?" *points offscreen* "Mark?"
  • "Christine, please tell your mommy to stop beating me up! It hurts!"
  • When Arnold encourages a subway driver to speed up and hit the villain: "IT'S OKAY! IT'S THE DEVIL!"
  • Hello, random boob shot. Goodbye random boob shot.
  • This line:

  The Devil: Oh boy, I'm really bad at this. I can see why I was a fallen angel, 'cos I'm fallin' over everyth- *KABOOM*

  • "GAH, HEARTBURN!!!"
  • "Maybe he did it himself?! Oh, yeah! These self-crucifixions happen all the time, don't they?!"


100th Episode: Battlefield Earth

  • His attempt to do a clip show; the clip he uses rebels against him.
  • Ma-Ti's conversation with Present Critic:

  No, Critic. There is one movie that you have overlooked. A Sci Fi film that is so terrible, it makes my nipples tingle with fear!

  • Not to mention his over the top presentation of the movie:
    • As well as the Critic's equally-over-the-top reaction. 
  • Shaming the Present Critic:

 Ma-Ti: What happened to you, man? You used to have strong, plentiful balls!

Critic: I do! My balls are still strong! And extremely plentiful!

 Critic: *holds his head in his hands and groans* So…this military force of a planet, that has an atmosphere made out of radiation, has never had an explosion? This race is more gun-happy than Charlton Heston’s SHOOTING GALLERY, and yet there’s NEVER BEEN AN EXPLOSION ON THIS PLANET?! They could look at a KITTEN, and somehow they'd make it blow up! THESE GUYS ARE CRAZY! THERE’S NEVER BEEN AN EXP—WHAT?! YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THAT?! THIS IS STUPID! THIS IS STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! *speeds up as the Critic goes into meltdown mode*

    • After that breakdown, he realizes that perhaps he has been attacking the movie from the wrong angle. He then proceeds to beat himself in the head with a hammer, though a rather amusing picture hides the actual beating. The result? "Dulhulhul...I like spaceships."
    • And for anyone who was wondering just what exactly was being said in the rant, here it is slowed down 
  • Him mocking the angle shots -- by having him in an angle shot, trying to prevent himself from slipping. And then promptly failing.
  • *imitating Travolta* "The very idea that I would go after a woman! *Beat* Me. John Travol--I, I mean, Terl the alien man. Yes."
  • After Planet Psychlo explodes, cut to Daffy Duck/Duck Dodgers pushing Marvin the Martian off the tiny remains of the planet. "Thisph planet ain't big enough for the two of usph. Tpho, off you go!" *shove*
    • In that same vein, the Yosemite Sam clip earlier on: "Gold, GOLD, GOOOOOOLLLLLLDDDDDD!!!"
  • NC's crosseyed facial expression during the "REEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAA-..."-scene. (at the 10:15 mark).
  • "Oh fuck you, Roger Christian, whoever the fuck you are!"
  • "So we cut back to Johnny's village..." "Riiii-co-la!"
  • "Yes we can!" (cut to clip of Barack Obama) "Yes! We! Can!"
  • "Psychlo... really? C'mon, this is sounding like second-grade Fan Fiction. (*high voice*) 'They LIVE on the planet PSYCHLO, where the EVIL Meanosaurus and the NASTY Bandamagoo eat up ALL the Oompah-Loompahs.'"
  • The Critic's conversations with Terl:
    • "I'm REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEALLY ANGRY!"
    • "Listen, you're probably figuring out by now that we Psychlos are not very smart. In fact, the only reason we're able to take over any galaxies at all is that we fart nuclear bombs out of our anuses." "Oh. So, none of this has to do with strategic planning or superior intellect?" "Nope, it's just FARTING BOMBS! HAHAHAHAHA!!!"
    • In his commentary for the episode, Doug says that editing Spoony's scenes was really hard because he couldn't stop laughing at the performance.
    • "It looks like someone lit a cigarette on our home planet and now the whole damn thing's going to explode."
    • "When you were learning to SPELLLLLL your name....."

 Nostalgia Critic: Oh, go away; it's like talking to a horse's vagina.

  • "At least in Planet of the Apes, the humans were dumb, so it made sense that they'd treat them like animals; but here, there's no logic! It's like Planet of the Apes without the logic! You know, like the REMAKE of Planet of the Apes!"
  • "Have you ever heard of subtlety? Underplaying?! A good actor-YAAAAH!"
  • His reaction to finding out the Psychlos haven't discovered Fort Knox. He sounds he like wants to hurt someone.


Bébé's Kids

  • The opening sequence, which shows clips of the Destruction Scene from the previous Video Game review of the same name. Cut to the Critic's deadpan reply:
  • The Critic, Linkara, Benzaie, Angry Joe and Phelous all trying to pronounce Tone Loc's name (with the Critic being able to sneak a Bugs Bunny reference at the end by also questioning the pronunciation of Hansel).
    • GET ON WITH IT!!
  • This has been another....Pointless moment!
  • The Critic does a subtle Men in Black joke with park security, playing Will Smith's hip-hop tune from the film over the audio when they arrive to detain Bebe's Kids.
  • "So the kids find themselves in a courtroom where the Terminator is trying to decide if they're worth electrocuting to death while robotic Abraham Lincoln and Nixon defend their sides...* fearfully checks box labeled "ACID"* ...Nope! The movie's just weird!"
  • Mickey Mouse's cry of vengance against Bébé's kids.

 "DAMN YOU BÉBÉ'S KIDS! THE MOUSE WILL HAVE VENGEANCE ON YOU! I WILL SEE YOU PERISH IN FLAMES! I HAVE CONNECTIONS TO THE LORD OF DARKNESS! YOUR ASS IS GRASS! THEY WON'T RECOGNIZE YOUR BODIES! I WILL STEAL YOUR SOULS, BÉBÉ'S Kiiiiiiiiids!!!"

  • "Mr. African...American."
  • "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! THEY HAVE ATTITUUUDE! AAAATITUUUUUDE!"
  • "Well in the 80s and early 90s, especially in confused animated movies, they would have a music video. They served absolutely no purpose and--" * upon seeing a close-up of Jamika's ass* "--DAAAMN! Oh, um...they served absolutely no purpose..."
  • "Yeah, where's the sign that says 'No bEVIS No VIbES'?"
  • "YOUR NAME IS OB!" (crack!) "Winthrop."
  • "You know, I think that's how Robin would react if someone asked him about his movie. 'DID YOU MAKE THIS?!' 'No, no no, no! It was Bebe's kids!'"
  • "What is this? North Korea?!"
  • "I did not consider the ramifications of a well-put-together rap. I deem this... fly."
  • "So what's your name?" "And if you can, please say it without rappin--" *kids start rapping* "--you son of a bitch."
    • "Jesus, I never thought I'd say this, but...where's Ice when you need him?"
      • "Hell, where's Kazaam when you need him?!?" "--WAIT! NO! NO! GO BACK TO THE KIDS! GO BACK TO THE KIDS!"
  • Comparing Pee-Wee to Stewie:

  Damm you, white woman! You've been pitied my work since the day I escaped your womb. Oh yeah.


Lost in Space

  • Regarding Blarp: "It looks like Jar Jar Binks' aborted fetus."
    • "Is that really the best design they could come up with? A half-chewed Mickey Mouse eraser?"
  • The Critic proving that he doesn't need the Wah-Wah machine by giving his own after many of the lame jokes: "WAH! WAH! WAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!"
  • Gary "I'm Firing My Agent" Oldman.
  • "I love you wife. =/"
    • "Oh, my heart soars every time! The monotone, the absolute lack of human feeling, the way he doesn't even refer to her by her name, just the role of 'wife'! I swoon every time!"
  • "Eat peace!"
  • After hearing Penny's voice and declaring her the missing Chipette, "Skankie", her voice raises progressively in speed and pitch, until: *BANG* "Eh, I didn't need those eardrums anyway."


Top 11 Villain Songs


Quest for Camelot

  • The bit with Dr. Smith, especially this:

 Dr. Smith: Wait! There's one more important thing! It's imperative that you must know!

Nostalgia Critic: What? What!?

Dr. Smith: Spiiiiders!

  • His constant requests for the movie to explain things...

 "EXPLAIN, MOVIE! EXPLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN!"

 "JUUUST...EEEEX...PLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!"

[Death, destruction and doom ensue]

[Critic double takes at destruction]..."Err, sorry."

[Moments later] "I... buh, jus... SORRY, I'M GOING FOR TWO!!"

  • His imagined "The ogre's butt" recording session, accompanied by a picture of Gary Oldman looking extremely irritated.
  • "It's Belle! It's fucking Belle!"
  • His way-too-twitchy trigger finger and subsequent reactions at the end...offing Mary Poppins, Bert, and finally Mickey.
  • The knights saying things like "honor, value, courage..." mixed in with "Wind, water, heart!" and "Dragonzord, Mastodon, Pterodactyl!"
  • "What you squeeze the horse's mane and you get a song?" Cue repeated squeezings of the said horse's mane leading up to...Duck Tales! Woo-Hoo!
  • "Helloooo, hot character trait! Goodbyeee, hot character trait..."
  • His reaction to Garrett giving in to Kayley's request to join him, with him mocking the two characters.

 Critic as Kayley: I really want to come with you.

Critic as Garrett: No. (sings) Like every tree, stands on its own...

Kayley: Please?

Garrett: Oh, alright.

Kayley: ^_^

  • "Now, I don't want to give anything away here, but...one of these guys is going to be the villain. Can you guess who?" *arrow points at King Arthur* "Wow, you're a dumbass."
  • His conversation with Dr. Smith. All of it. "Does it involve spiders?"

 Dr. Smith: Did someone question my subtle acting?

Nostalgia Critic: Oh, come on, Dr. Smith, you're about as subtle as a f***ing trainwreck...on a boat.

 Reuber: You! Report!

(NC as)Bladebeak: Well, the plot makes no sense, we have no originality and the songs are gonna be more successful than the movie.

 Nostalgia Critic: They ride to...Camelot!

Monty Python: (singing) We're knights of the round table! We dance whene'er...

Nostalgia Critic: No! Nononono! This is meant to be taken seriously! The real deal! There are no singing knights in this version!

Arthur: (singing) Each of us we'll now divide, in equal shares our countryside...

  • This at the end before the concluding sentences:

 Python!Arthur: On second thought, let's not go to Camelot. It is a silly place.

  • The part where the Critic is discussing how distracted the guards are that they simply let Kaylee go:
    • I HAVE HANDS!!!
  • RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICOLAAAAAAAAAAAA !


Old vs New: The Nutty Professor

  • In the end, he gets a call from Pepperment Patty's parents
    • "Who uses a horn to talk?!!"
    • "Let me get my clarinet so we can have a REAL conversation!"
  • Benzaie about to shave his privates (Don't worry, they don't show anything) and the Critic's horrified reaction.
    • Benzaie's facial expression makes it ten times funnier.
  • The Critic imagining what a family of Jerry Lewis's would be like.
  • He is confused by some aspects of the original, and demands that the movie explains them...but thankfully, it only culminates in a small explosion.


Bio-Dome

 Critic: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic, and I ... fucking hate Bio-Dome! I fucking hate Bio-Dome! I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT AYAYAYAYYAYI!!!" {{[[[Get a Hold of Yourself, Man!]] splashed with water}}]. [Normal voice:] Thank you. I fucking hate Bio-Dome.

  • "For those of you that are young and have no idea who Pauly Shore is...Good."
  • His impression of Joey Lauren Adams.
  • The cameo from 90's Kid!

 90's Kid: Oh, that's just my landlord with my eviction notice. *BAM!* And a battering ram. *Gun cocks* And a sawed-off shotgun. Uh...gotta go! (Runs off).

  • Or this exchange:

 Bud (Pauly Shore, the Devil's pubic hair himself): Give me the detonator.

Faulkner (played by William Atherton): What is the magic word?

Peter Venkman (Bill Murray): Please.

  • "There is something about a man who can lick his own back..." ".......What am I supposed to say to that?"
  • "YAAAY, you tried to tell a joke! You get a vast, empty void of SILENCE!"
  • Also counts as a Crowning Moment of Awesome. The Nostalgia Critic pointing out how the scientists in the film look like scientists in other films. He uses Doc Brown as an example of how a movie-scientist SHOULD look and asks what Doc Brown would think. The answer-

 Christopher Lloyd: I was frozen today!

Nostalgia Critic: Oh, that's good to know. Thanks, Christopher Lloyd!

    • He actually did get Christopher Lloyd to say that line.
  • The Critic spazzing out when the movie glosses over Tenacious D just to get immediately back to the unfunny protagonist duo: "YOU PASSED OVER THE ONLY TALENTED PEOPLE IN THE MOVIE, YOU MORON!!! It's like looking at the line-up of the world greatest martial artists and being like, Jackie Chan? I don't think so. Bruce Lee? Maybe next time. ...StevenSeagal!! Get in there! (long beat) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!"
  • "This is the movie - *shows DVD of Bio-dome* - these are my wrists after watching the movie - *shows wrists that are covered in bandages* - and these are the notes I took during watching the movie. *lifts up a sheet of paper simply printed with the words:

 Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? (etc.)"

  • The Critic's reaction to the protagonists bisexual claim, followed by them leaning together, waggling their tongues.

 Critic: Never do that again, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.

  • The massive NO! when they cut back to the protagonists after the glimpse of Tenacious D? Never fails to crack me up.
  • "WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE." "I AM ACTING."
  • The reaction to the clown getting shot toward the end of the film.

 Critic: My God. You're actually trying to kill comedy, aren't you? You're trying to...physically destroy everything that is humorous in this world. (long beat) You're not gonna get away with it! No! How much of this movie is left? Fifteen minutes? Okay, I'm just gonna rush through it, thwarting your diabolical plan, you sick, sick, FUCK movie!


The Neverending Story 2

  • The Elephant in The Room joke about Jonathan Brandis.
  • "It blewed~."
  • The bully's Twitter message.
    • "OH, MY GOD, IT'S A DRAGON! THERE'S A FUCKIN' DRAGON FLYING AROUND!"
  • The triumphant return of A-CHUCK-A NORRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS!!!
  • "Thank goodness this is the last Neverending Story movie, so I won't have to review another one". And then he turns the music up high enough to drown out the chorus of voices pointing out that there is, in fact, a Neverending Story 3.
  • "Here, they could travel at the speed of darkness, which is faster than the speed of light."

 Albert Einstein: Bullshit!

  • "HEART!!!"
    • "Aw, man! The one time I can use this fucking thing and it doesn't do shit!"
  • The Running Gag in which the Nostalgia Critic points out the blatant You Fail Logic Forever regarding Bastian's ability to make wishes and the apparent lack of limitations of said wishes.

 Critic: I wish for a gun (Gun magically appears in his hand). I wish that memory machine went away forever (Machine disappears with a *poof*; Xayide has an Oh Crap moment). Bye! (Shoots Xayide, then dances to the film's theme song)

  • Falkor's "evil" moment.

 NC: So they go back outside, where -- WHOA, what's wrong with Falkor's eyes?!

Falkor, eyes glowing red and almost snarling: I am not going to carry that woman.

NC: Was he just possessed by the Devil, or something?

Falkor: Stick your cock up her ass, you mother-fucking worthless COCK-SUCKER!

  • The part with the vanishing NES.


Top 11 Most Awkward Christopher Walken Moments

  • Jelly Donut
  • The Headless Horseman ordering from Taco Bell's drive-through.
  • THIS IS NOT OVER...BEAHS!
  • The Critic constantly getting called by Walken, much to his confusion.
    • "Love you too. ...What just happened?"
    • "I don't know where I am when he calls."
  • "I could really use some pie right now!"
  • Walken telling the Critic a limerick about two mice falling into a bucket of cream.


Flubber

  • All of his reactions to the fact that Professor Brainard is a total Jerkass.
  • "Instead of selling his discovery to a business corporation, he uses it on basketballs! Why aren't you committed?"
  • When the NC points out when the main character could technically sell the robot to earn the money to save the school but is more focused on his main project: "You're an idiot!"
  • "Oh great, he invented Slimer!"
  • The scene with the parent telling his child that nothing can get through a closed window, and then the Flubber bursts through and bounces all around the room: "LOOK OUT! IRONY! HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE IRONY!"
  • The NC pointing out the physics when one of the goons gets hit in the head from a Flubber-coated bowling ball that falls back to earth: "Uhh, yeah. I think his brains would have PAINTED THE HOUSE if a bowling ball fell on him from that high!"
  • "Why don't they just call this movie "Shit Bounces and Nobody Laughs"?"
  • The Flubber dance scene which is pointless enough in its own right, gets taken further when even the Big Lipped Alligator Moment can't stand it! "A BIG LIPPED-Oh God I'm bored!"
  • "Wow... So the guy who wrote "The Breakfast Club" and "Pretty in Pink" actually had to write the words "He farted Flubber out of his anus." This is a sad day, people!"
  • His reaction to Weebo's hologram human form.
  • "Hey look, a speck of snow!"
  • His reaction to the wedding at the end.

 Nostalgia Critic: WHAT?!!! You mean he still couldn't make it to the wedding?!!! This guy is ass scum!


Home Alone 3

  • After seeing that the first minute or so features a group of villans talking about a high tech missile chip: "What is this, Die Hard 5? What does this have to do with Home Alone?"
  • "Sheesh, this woman's as compassionate as a punch to my ball sac!"
  • When one of the goons tries to cut through an electrocuted wire and gets violently shocked, a bolt of electricity shoots out of his ass, which is followed by a clip from Rocky:

 Mickey Goldmill: You're gonna eat lightning, and you're gonna crap thunder!

  • "How?"
  • Any scene with the Critic as John Hughes as he writes the script for the movie. Especially the end:

 Critic!Hughes: There! I did it! I finally did it! I wrote the worst Home Alone script ever! I know I'm contractually obligated to make one more movie, but this script is so bad, that no studio would ever buy it. (laughs) What are they gonna do, hire the director of Beverly Hills Chihuahua to direct it? (laughs in disbelief) No studio's that stupid! (laughs some more) John Hughes, you're a genius! (continues to laugh as he walks off screen)

Studio Exec.: We'll take it! (*cha-ching*)

Critic!Hughes: (in agony) My career is over!!

  • The kid's detective moment.
  • "Have fun while I'm gone, son! Be sure to stay away from the rat poison I keep under your pillow!"


Old vs. New: King Kong


Drop Dead Fred

  • The Annoy-o-meter: Michael Moore - Short Round - The dog from Duck Hunt - Edward from Twilight - "The racist robots" (Skids and Mudflap) from Transformers 2 - Chris Tucker - Jar Jar Binks. Drop Dead Fred slides in between the last two.
    • "That's quite an accomplishment, movie. That's quite an accomplishment. (Beat) Shoot yourself."
  • Gah! Too much pink!
  • "Oh! It's a phone call from reality!" "HELL-LOOO!!!"
  • "Look at him, he looks like a Conehead on fire."
  • "Welcome to Officially Snapped." Also, "Tim Burtonland".
  • "That's nothing! You should see the deleted scene."
  • The use of "Ave Satani."
  • NOOOOOOOO no! No! No! No! No! *beat* NO!! NO, no no nonono! No! No. No. No. No. *inuadible repetition on "no" with occasional "No" mumbled* *a couple of coughed out "No's"* *"No" repeated a couple of times while attempting laughter, culminating in fast furious repetition of "No"* NO! No-ho-ho-ho!!! *while waving his finger* NONONONONONONO-NO!!! *while doing a throwing motion* No! No! No! No!... I'm projecting my NO!!! unto this NO!
    • Really? I thought it was-- *is shot* 
  • "Riddle me this, Batman! What do you get when you take two talented actors and saddle them with a script written by a horse's scrotum? This movie!"
  • On a freezeframe of the main female with a goofy look on their face: "That's the 'Horse that just passed gas' look!"
  • "Rik Mayall: Like having a stand-up comedian at the Holocaust."
  • Critic and a few guests have a pretentious What Do You Mean Its Not Symbolic discussion, before concluding it's "just a pile of shit."
  • Chewing the Scenery...literally. Espically with the line: "Hey, there's even more background I can chew!"
  • "Yeah, I remember the last time I laughed at my mother's cooch."


The Care Bears Movie

  • "Whenever someone asks "What did you do at your work today?" and I have to tell them "I watched Care Bears: The Movie", I die a little inside."
  • When the Critic points out how creepy Mr. Cherrywood looks and sounds.

  "I've touched half these children. And I'm okay with that."

 Critic: So what do you want on your pizza?

Critic: Oh, I don't care. *Poof* No, wait! I didn't mean it like tha-

Care Bears: Hi, we're the Care Bears, and we want to be your- (Both are shot by the Nostalgia Critic. Repeatedly.)

  • The Nostalgia Critic pointing out various faces Nicholas makes over the course of the film, especially the "Is he turning into Judge Doom?" and this bit.

 Critic: I love the look on Nicholas's face here. It's like he's thinking "Wow, I can't believe I'm actually watching a talking book argue with a fuzzy talking bear. Thank God it's a Friday."

  • The Nostalgia Critic being attacked by The Spirit at one point. Why? Because he tried to fast-forward through her parts.
  • When Nicholas turns all the kids into Jerkasses: "Oh no, he turned them into YouTube commenters!"
  • "They also come across a pink elephant. And... guessing the amount of booze you've probably had throughout this picture, I'm guessing you're coming across a few as well."
  • "Nice story, but you forgot the part about the sodomy and the ties to the JFK assasination! Oh, well, I guess that stuff wasn't important."
  • The line on the Cozyheart Penguin toy ad: "Don't stop bothering your parents until you have one. Steal [from] them, if you must, Santa says it's okay."
  • (When the "Caring Meter" drops) "We're reaching Jersey levels! Jersey levels!"
  • The Nelson laugh after the key disappears.
  • "I have officially become a vampire! Uh, not one of those sparkling ones, though, they totally suck ass."
  • Critic doing a little kid voice saying that the part with the boat and the river no one tried before is a big plot hole and Critic, as Mr.Cherrywood, threatens to smack the kid with his ring hand if he doesn't shut up.


Jaws 3D

  • "A lot of you may be wondering where I've been the past week. Well, there was an... incident in Nevada... many people injured... I-I-I can never go back."
  • "Annoyed yet?!"
  • "You lured me with the promise of penis!"
  • The bar scene: Lea Thompson is having a discussion while the couple she and her guy are with start making out right in front of them. Cue the Nostalgia Critic making ever-increasing sounds of sex, complete with table crashing sounds.
  • ""Chase the cowgirl through the knee-high tents on the beach" Um... kinky?"
  • His extension of the Chuck Norris meme.
    • "A-CHUCK A-NORRRRIIIIISSSSSS! RIDINGASHARKTHATSASBIGASJAWS!"
  • *bump* "OW! SON OF A BITCH! SHARK CROSSING, YOU A-HOLES!"
  • "We all live in a Yellow Submarine. A Yellow Submarine. Yellow Submarine..."
  • "There's a shark, bitch! Run!" Made even funnier when you realize the lines were lip synced to the dolphin.
  • WHACK-A-SHARK!!!
  • Critic suggesting that some jackass pushed that girl's face against the glass upon seeing the cadaver floating against the wall on the other side absolutely intentionally just so he could take a picture or something. Hilarious.
  • The Running Gag where The Cinema Snob keeps talking about Manimal with the NC constantly checking to see if he's still talking and then repeatedly pushing him off-screen.
  • "Oh, no! She's very, very, very, very, very, very, very slowly coming after us! We only have hours to escape! Hours!"
  • The NC pointing out how incoherent people sound when they yell in the film...complete with clips of The Tasmanian Devil.
  • "That's not a ride, that's a Hentai!"
  • CAAAAAA-I mean FIIIIIISH!
  • "I'm getting worried. I'm in a horror movie and I'm the only black guy around. Maybe I should hire more black people." He does, and it works.
  • "EXPECTO PATRONUM!"
  • "Oh come on, now you're just teasing me! Come on down here and fight like a shark!"


Free Willy

  • At the beginning:

  Nostalgia Critic: This is the story about a boy and his Willy. Let me try that again. This is the story about a boy and his relationship with his little whale. No. This the story about a boy who likes to hold onto his big fish-okay, this ISN'T what you think. It has Michael Jackson in it! Okay, just roll it...


A Troll In Central Park

  • "TELL A STORY!"
  • After the mom (voiced by Hayley Mills) tells Stanley to appreciate what he has:

  Nostalgia Critic: (as the mom) "Yes, we ALL have to appreciate what we have. For example, I could've been the star of "Saved By The Bell". (getting more frantic) I was the star of "Saved By The Bell", but for some reason I'm NOT the star of "Saved By The Bell". "Good Morning, Miss Bliss" my fucking ASS''! ... (mouths "sorry")."

  Stanley: Now he's going after my nads! MY ENCHANTED NADS! OH! PLEASE! PLEASE! GOD! I still love you.

    • The line about Stanley "ensuring all the good things that come flowers, sunshine, and animals that smile with their mouths open."
  • The Critic subverting his argument about the movie being intended for a wall: "Here's the last wall they showed it to. (the house implodes)"
  • "(GASP!) Did [Gus] actually suggest that somebody have BALLS in this movie?!?!"
  • Gus: (to Stanley) "You'll never have a dream come true! And you know why?" 
    • Critic: "(flashes a list on screen) Take your pick." The "He's a coward" one is chosen.
    • Here is the Full list: He's annoying. He's obnoxious. He won't shut up. He's a pansie. He sings to flowers. He's as bland as Edward from Twilight. He's vomitingly cute. His logic makes no sense. He need to die. He's looks like a rejected muppet. He's a coward. He has three teeth. He lives a delusional nutball. He lives in Central Park yet is still alive. He's ruining this whole friggin' movie, as well as cinema in general. The oompa loompas could beat him up. He makes Mini-Me look tall. He gets excited when todlers kiss him. He's the only troll more annoying than the ones from Encyclopedia Dramatica. A termite has bigger balls than him. Did I mention he's annoying?
  • His responce to Stanley being turned to stone: "HOORAY!"
  • The directional arrows (a la Dragon's Lair) at the scene where Stanley the troll runs around in New York traffic.
    • FUCK IT!
  • "ZUUL, MOTHERFU-HEY!"
  • His sketch after a troll starts singing: "I'm a baad troooll...". "OK, this is what happens if you let your five year-old write the screenplay!"

 Five Year-Old: And then the troll says "I'm a baad troooll".

Nostalgia Critic: Oh, that's good, son! (starts typing) "And then troll said: I'm a baad troooll"...

Five Year-Old: I have to go potty.

Nostalgia Critic: Oh, EVEN BETTER! (starts typing) And then he says: I have to go potty"...

Five Year-Old: No, really, I-I have to go potty.

Nostalgia Critic (disappointed): Oh, yeah, yeah, go ahead, go... go potty.

(Beat)

Nostalgia Critic (starts typing): Still good line, though...

  • "Duel of the Fates" playing during the climactic thumb-war sequence.
    • Similarly, the Back to The Future theme playing when the flying boat appears in the climax.
  • The very intro of this review in which Critic is so angry this movie that, as he proves later, even saying its title pisses him off.

 Nostalgia Critic: Watch. Ahem. A Troll in Central Farck... FUCK THIS MOVIEEE! *punches himself in the face* A Troll in Central Park!


Theodore Rex

  • Chipmunk Jawas...?
  • The Critic's response to Whoopi Goldberg's Kid Sidekick, Sebastian. Yeah, he cues that music.
  • The partner-up scene, or, more specifically, the Critic's response:

 Katie Coltrane: "He's a dinosaur!"

Critic: "He is-I ch-buh...whuh?"

  • Critic's quest to justify the premise of the movie:

 Nostalgia Critic: It's like what Jack Nicholson would see in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest after he got lobotomized.

Jack Nicholson: I see Whoopi Goldberg and a T-Rex solving crime.

"Chief" Bromden: *presses pillow on Jack's face* Yes, you need to die now.

  • His various movie pitches at the beginning including Betty White + Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, William Shatner + Pokémon, and Damon Wayans + the Gecko from the Geico commercials.
  • The Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas scene.
  • "Oh wait, I've seen this. Don't the Power Rangers come out and usually beat the crap out of these guys?"
  • Teddy's dialogue being replaced by mechanical noises in one part of the review.
  • "Run! We'll regroup with the Lollipop Guild!"
  • "And his quest to find that mysterious shoulder tapper begins."
  • "If I wanted to watch Whoopi Goldberg interact with dinosaurs, I'd watch The View."
  • "...What the hell? Why are they playing shuffleboard with Hershey's Kisses?"
  • Somewhere in the 14 minute mark has pretty much the funniest part of the review:

 NC: (spotting the caterpillar) Oh? And what's this?

Teddy: It's a hairy hot dog.

NC: (shrugs) Of course it is! (laughs) If you want a hairy hot dog to talk to a finger puppet, turn into a butterfly, and float by a bunch of helium containers, I'm okay with that now! There's really no point in questioning it. It's like trying to save a sinking ship with a band-aid; anything I try to do would be completely pointless. (Beat, in a high-pitched voice) ...Save me!

  • He's reaction to the fact the Richard Roundtree, a.k.a. Shaft is playing the commissioner.

 Commissioner(appearing for the first time and seeing Teddy on a fundraiser): Teddy?

NC: SHAFT?!

Commissioner: Not many people get to meet their maker on a fundraiser, huh?

NC: Oh, G... NOOO!!!

Another character: Excuse me, sir, is there, uh, something wrong?

Commissioner: Yes, yes, there's been a dinocide.

NC: Oh, and the fact that you're JOHN SHAFT AND YOU'RE TALKING TO A FUCKING DINOSAUR!!!


Top 11 Coolest Cinematic Cliches

  • The Klingon version of "Ode To Joy."
    • "...never play that again."
  • NO!!!!!!!!!!
  • Wyatt Earp LOSING HIS SHIT at the Nostalgia Critic at the end (because the Critic assumed the audience was sick of the cliches by then).
    • "I'm the Nostalgia Critic, I remember so you- (nearly gets shot) fuckin' crazy, Wyatt Earp!"
  • (Regarding Darth Vader's disappointing no): "Hell, Mr. Bill sounded more butch than you!"
  • Oh hey, I found my lost state id. *Beat, Evil Laugh


Hook

  • The Critic shows us just how an encounter between the pirates of Neverland and the Pirates of the Caribbean would end up (with Barbossa shooting Peter Pan's daughter).
  • ZUUL, LITTLE MOTHERFUCKERS, ZUUL!!
  • The "Nutball!" sequence...with added Vengabus.
  • Peter yelling "I don't believe in fairies!" resulting in the death of Crysta.
  • The Critic encouraging writers of Star Wars Fan Fiction to rush to their typewriters after pointing out that the kissing couple that Peter and Tink pass by on their way to Neverland is played by George Lucas and Carrie Fisher.
  • "Oim heah to blur the loins of reali-tee!"
  • The sketch about the Critic acting out the role of a killjoy father.

 Kid: Dad, is there a Santa Claus?

Nostalgia Critic: No!

Kid: Is there an Easter Bunny?

Nostalgia Critic: No, I made that up too!

Kid: Dad, is there a God?

Nostalgia Critic: Well, scientifically speaking, they've never really proven that God actually exists, so probably not. In fact, the majority of religions if not all religions are completely false. (the kid starts crying) Oh, what?

  • The out-of-nowhere cameo by Film Brain:

 Film Brain: SYMBOLISM!!!

Nostalgia Critic: What was that?

  • When Peter tries to rescue his kids from Hook:

 Peter: Come on, give me a hand.

Hook: I already have.

Hook's Pirates: Ooooh...

Nostalgia Critic as Hook: Oh yes. I went there.

  • In response to Peter's memories regressing, to the point he forgot everything after he left Neverland:

 Peter: I like this game. Ask me another one!

Nostalgia Critic: Okay! Can you make a sentence out of these words? "UP THE FUCK SHUT."

  • "My Jack..."
  • "So after not killing him for a third time, our family finally decides to go home, happily ever af--Psych! Heil Hitler.
  • The Critic's reaction to Hook's death-by-falling-taxidermied-crocodile:

  *sniffle, wipes away a tear* My mother went the same way...

  • The Critic's interpretation of a line from Captain Hook:

 Hook: And you'd better deliver, Ms. Bell, or no amount of clapping will bring you back from where I will send you....

NC: There's a buttcrack with your name on it.

  • "It's Dustin Hoffman, Peter! He's trying to out-mug you!"
  • "I believe in you, Peter. And I'm Jesus!"
  • His pained, slightly crazed impersonation of Tinkerbell in her dress:

 Critic: I've been waiting here nine hours in this dress just praying that you'll stumble onto this. Thank you for stumbling onto this!


Independence Day

  • The Critic's analogy on why he doesn't like the movie:

 Nostalgia Critic: But so many people tell me *mockingly* "Oh, it's a popcorn movie! Can't you just have fun?!". Well, let me tell you something: a waterslide is fun. All the slipping and sliding, it's just great! But if someone took you off the waterslide, shook you, gave you a noogie, and then spat in your face and put you back on the waterslide, you'd be like "...That wasn't fun. That was weird and annoying!". And THAT'S this movie!

 Nostalgia Critic: *screams in joy, arms up in the air*

    • Made even better by the fact that the line is said in the Critic's Optimus Prime voice.
  • "Stand back! He's gonna go for it! He's gonna go for it! He's gonna go for it! He's gonna go for it! AAAAAAAAH, HE JUMPED THE SHAAAAAAAAAAAAARK!"
  • EAT LASER TIC TACS!!!
  • The Critic fantasizing about Will Smith.

 ALF: *silence* Hey, uh, press that button, would ya?

Alien Xenomorph: Huh? Oh, right. *beep* 

  • "Ahh, yes, I'd like to, return this taco, ahh, to you because there was, ahh, ahh, ahh, no sauce on it and, as we all know when there is, no sauce ahh, on the taco and you realize it is, not spicy and ahh, blah, blah, blah, if it is not spicy, ahh, well then you all know that it means, ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh, * dramatic stare* CHECKMATE." * dramatic sting* 
  • "Do a barrel roll!"
  • *celestial chorus plays in background* "My god, Jeff Goldblum, is there anything you can't do?"

 Jeff Goldblum, looking like Jesus: No.

 Judd Hirsch: I'm Judd Hirsch, I'm the Jewish stereotype!

Robert Loggia: I'm Robert Loggia Luh-GUY-a, I'm the gruff military stereotype!

Randy Quaid: I'm Randy Quaid, and I'm the redneck stereotype!

Brent Spiner: I'm Brent Spiner, and I'm the geeky stereotype!

Harvey Fierstein: I'm that guy from Mrs. Doubtfire, and I'm the gay stereotype!

Harry Connick, Jr.: I'm Harry Connick Jr., and I'm the annoying best friend stereotype!

Jeff Goldblum: I am Jeff Goldblum, and I am in and of myself, uh, a stereotype.

  • When the Critic hears the newscaster saying "God help us all", we get this:

  Nostalgia Critic: "A hurricane was spotted on the Eastern Coast -- PANIC! PANIC! PANIC! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!"

  • "I can out-Jew you!"
  • The critic muses as to what the President's dramatic speech would have been like if the aliens had attacked on a different holiday...like Talk Like a Pirate Day.
  • "Whose side you gonna be on, the humans or the aliens?" *takes his cap off and puts silver antennae on his head* "Nanu-nanu!"
  • Pointing out that the President of the United States is played by Bill Pullman.

 Dark Helmet: LONE STAR!

 Lady on TV: They elected a warrior and they got a wimp.

Nostalgia Critic: Ah, it's the Obama administration.

  • "Oh no, *Sob* this is giving me an emotion. Must. Not. Act. *Sob* Must. Not. Act."
  • "Mother's dead?"


The Room

 'Critic: What, was the screensaver while the movie loads? *Loading bar pops up as the scene plays again, reading 'Loading Dick Sauce of a movie...*

  • When Johnny laughs at Mark's story about a girl being beaten up.

 NC: (sarcastic chuckling) Hehehe... that's not funny, you sick fuck.

  • The Critic's increasing exasperation with Mark's obliviousness to Lisa's advances.

 NC: Oh my God, do you need landing lights to the bed?! She wants to sleep with you! That's the thing she does every other stinkin' time you're over, you fucking idiot!

The Phantom

  • At the beginning of the review:

  Critic: Let's talk about The Phantom! *cuts to Phantom of the Opera* No. Not that Phantom. *cuts to Gerard Butler as the Phantom of the Opera* Eww! Definitely not that Phantom! No, believe it or not, there is actually something far worse than Gerard Butler singing... *Beat* Almost.

  • "All of our future plans are SKULLS!!"
    • Also: "Pfft. What businessman would honestly question a supernatural treasure hunt for an evil skull that has demonic powers?" *eye roll, smile*
  • The ending, where his erection as a result of Catherine Zeta Jones being in the movie gets him trapped under his desk.
  • Among the other criticism about the Phantom's appearance: "You couldn't be more obvious if you were shitting fireworks!!!"
  • "Run! It's the gayest thing you've ever seen!"
  • "Ha! I am acting!"
  • The intro with the pirate leader, Canisang (Freeze frame with caption "I don't know, can you?" Rimshot!) 
  • "So the plane that's carrying Diana gets ambushed by air pirates."

 Don Karnage: "Attack!" *fires guns*

  • "Aww... but I was so cautious!"


Zeus and Roxanne

  • Playporpoise.
  • DOLPHIN PUNCH!
  • Blind Date with Steve Guttenberg.

  *arrow on Guttenberg* "Is afraid she has seen the Police Academy movies"

  • The triumphant return of the "Wah Wah machine" when Guttenburg's son makes him another omelette.
  • Nyaaaaaaa! This movie sucks! You got totally screwed... Did you even see the poster? And you paid money for this...
  • Porn music playing when the dog notices the photo of a dolphin.
  • Nightmare Fuel Zeus and Roxanne's kids
  • His reaction to "If a dog and a dolphin can get along, why can't our mom and his dad?" 
    • WORLD PEACE DECLARED
  • The Critic laughing his ass off at Zeus sliding off the boat -- complete with slide whistle sound effect!
  • "The only problem is, she has competition with...AAAAHHH! The Mummy!" *main theme from The Mummy plays* 
  • "Just sit right back / and you'll hear a tale / a tale of a fateful trip!"
  • The subtitles for Zeus and Roxanne communicating with each other.

 Zeus: I've always loved you.

Roxanne: That's totally gross, you're an abomination.

Zeus: Come on, my balls are gone but I can still get the job done.

Roxanne: JESUS you're nasty! Get the fuck away from me, perv!

  • The scene where Roxanne is trying to communicate with Guttenberg.
    • Critic: What's that? Lobster people are invading the forest with blenders? Ninjas from another planet are planning to steal all the earth's corn??


Animaniacs Tribute

  • Mr. Director from Animaniacs discusses his film Bushkabliben, "like a fairy tale from Tommy Wiseau" that won The Award of Cleveland.
  • In a similar vein, Slappy the Squirrel making a (vocal) appearance.

 Slappy: When's the last time you saw the Family Guy get hit on the head with a mallet? It's never gonna happen.

  • "Water go down the hooooooole!"
    • When Critic childishly tells Nate to do it again, he responds with a completely deadpan "No way in hell." Cue your traditional Critic tantrum. And if you look at it another way, the Critic just got told off by Skippy Squirrel.
  • "Yes, well, I love to destroy careers".
  • The discussion about the total censor failure.
  • "Yes, well, I'm not really one to comment, since I'm one of the few people who framed a twitter from Roger Ebert..." *image of Ebert's twitter post in a digital photo frame*
  • "It was the worst kind of celebrity for me at that age, you know? I was thirteen, and trying to look very masculine and for the ladies, but they all thought of me as this cuddly-wuddly fuzzy little squirrel. And that did not help me with the ladies for quite a while. Yeah."
    • "It's tough being a squirrel."


The Flintstones Movie

 Halle Berry's Character: How would you like your coffee?

Nostalgia Critic: Bllllaaaaaaa-- *voice starts dying down as he realizes how tactless finishing the word "black" would be*

Fred: In a cup.

Nostalgia Critic: Good answer!

  • NC wants to watch Tar Wars instead of the actual movie.
  • All the Dune jokes during the scenes with the Kyle Mac Lachlan character.


Mr. Nanny

  • His reaction to the kids' sadism, when Hulk Hogan steps out of the shower to get electrocuted.

 NC: Uhh, you know, there's a difference between pranks and attempted murder. I mean Jesus, kids, this is some creepy shit!

Alex Jr.: It's only low voltage. It can't kill him.

NC: Ah, okay, I guess it's not that bad.

Kate: Then crank it up!

NC: *disturbed expression; Hulk Hogan getting shocked, then screen cuts to cemetary* Okay, okay, that didn't happen, but it might as well!

 Hogan: NO MORE GAMES, NO MORE TRICKS! YOU'RE GONNA SIT HERE, 'TIL I TELL YOU TO GET UP! FROM NOW ON YOU BETTER ACT RIGHT, CAUSE I! AIN'T! LEAVING!!

    • "Yeah, your pants feel a lot heavier, don't they?"
  • "Sing!" "SSSIIINNNGGG!!!"
  • "The household appliances...win."
  • "Oh, it's my Douchemeter. It tells me I'm supposed to neglect you until the climax of the movie. Can't blame an overused formula!"
  • "I can hear colors. My penis is numb."
  • ..."Is it me, or are they playing I Will Survive?"
  • His impression of Hulk Hogan as a woman.
  • "Heh heh...it's funny because he almost died."


Rocky IV

 Drago: "Uhm... I don't know what you guys usually do, but in Russia we just punch one another."

    • "I agree with Drago, I'm confused as to what the hell's going on here"
  • Nostalgia Critic's rendition of the conversation between Adrian and Rocky.

 Adrian: "I can't support you!"

Rocky: "Fine!"

  • beat*

Rocky: "So... you come in the fourth act to support me?"

Adrian: "Don't I always?"

Rocky: "Cool."

  • The Russian translation of the final speech.
  • Everything the Critic has Rocky saying as Drago wails on him with each consecutive punch.

 Critic!Rocky: "Oh my God, this is a mistake. I immediately regret this. Oh, WOW is this guy tough! I can't feel the left side of my body! I don't remember who my mother is. Now I think I'm a cuckoo-clock. The more I think about it, the robot needs a sister. UUNNCLLEEEE!!!"

  • "Well, as you can see, Drago is training his body to be a heavyweight champion, while Rocky is training his body to be Amish equipment."


Chairman of the Board

  • "Dick joke, dick joke, dick joke, dick joke. Penis."
    • "PLEASE MOVE FORWARD!!"
  • "WHY are they dressed like Crash Test Dummies? Cheese."
    • "Cheese! It's as good as any other answer."
  • Critic's new comedic spin-off: "Critic & Trout". Which comes right after Critic's rant about stand-up comedians having to put more effort into their comedic spin-offs
  • "They eat lunch as an Indian and a cowboy. (beat) Why do you think I know?"
  • "You can't solve everything with a beach party! This isn't Saved by the Bell!"
  • When Carrot Top's character is ejected from his bed, it cuts to Wallace and Gromit in The Wrong Trousers.

 Wallace: Aaaaaaah, GromiiiiiIIIIIIIIIIt!!

  • This Running Gag:

 (Raquel Welch shows up) Hello, Raquel Welch... (she leaves)...goodbye, Raquel Welch.


The Next Eleven Fuck-Ups

  • Him sticking a grenade up Douchey's ass (offscreen)...again.

  Douchey's Mom: Ask him if he wants to stay for dinner!

  • "Good God! I have never had a dead person annoy me so much!"
  • Any time Douchey's mother speaks. "Are you masturbating again?!"
  • The Linkara 'speaking machine', which ends with Bat Credit Card.
  • A meta one: the video itself has an obvious mistake (which doesn't seem to have been intentional) when he talks about Bladebeak from Quest for Camelot making a Face Heel Turn rather than the other way around.
  • Douchey: A pox, a pox on both your houses!
    • The Critic: Please stop that.
  • "I live in a World of Warcraft and pornography! There is nothing else!"
    • (both) "Except complaining about the Nostalgia Critic".
    • Douchey: "LLLLLUUUUUUUCIFERR!"
    • The Critic: "Don't ya mean Chernabog?"
    • Douchey: "WHATEVER!"
  • His reaction to the Bat Credit Card on screen:

  NC: Well of course, except for the appearance of the- *Bat-credit card appears* The Bat-nipples? Why would I care about the bat-nipples? They were in the last movie! *Bat-credit card appears again* Oh! Oh, I apologize! I must've seen that wrong. Sorry, heh! Let me just change my reaction accordingly. *ahem* A BAT CREDIT CARD?!! *goes berserk*


Pound Puppies and the Legend of Big Paw

  • His reenactment of a drunk Merlin thinking up the "Bone of Scone"

 Critic (as Merlin):"And he who pulls the sword from the stone, *hic* will be named ki- *starts laughing* I just thought of something. What if, just hear me out, what if, we put a bone in the stone? *laughing* I don't know why, I don't know why! Everyone's gonna be like, 'Why is there a bone in the stone? What's the point of it blablablabla' and I'm going to be like 'that contains puppy power.' *laughs* and, and everyone's going to be like 'Well what the hell is puppy power?' well, I'll tell you in a second" *smokes a joint, laughs*

 Cooler: Us Coolers are descended from King Arthur's puppy, Dig-alot.

Critic: *while facepalming* Who wrote this?!

  • "Be sure to take the dog with the pot on his head and the broom up his ass, I don't think he's well."
  • "Remember kids, you can talk to your dog. And for some reason it doesn't work, there's something wrong with you. You should be ashamed of yourself and feel totally awful you are unable to enjoy your dog. Sorry, we don't know what the fuck is wrong with you. Maybe you're just an idiot."
  • It's...It's...It's...MontyPythonsFlyingCircus!
  • "For dry, red eyes, Clear Eyes is awesome."
  • His reaction to what Big Paw says after he sees his friends fall into a trapdoor in front of McNasty's mansion.

 Big Paw: I'd better hide!

Critic: You'd better hide?! You're a dog the size of a T-Rex! Why don't you just fucking eat the house?!

 Critic: ...Fuck this, I'm getting a turtle.

 McNasty!Critic: Let me in at once! I am your new King!

Guard!Citic: Err, no you're not, we've got a President.

McNasty!Critic: But I've got the bone, the bone!" *beat* *is shot by Guard!Critic*

  • His reaction to the "director's kids" who got a cameo in the film. "Could you try act like you give a shit!?"
  • When McNasty and his cronies get thrown into a machine that turns them nice, the zap of the machine happened off screen, cutting back to dead skeletons!


The Pebble and the Penguin

 Hubie: Rocko, there's something you should know.

Critic: Your modern life is no longer in reruns.

 Narrator: Of all the penguins in all the world--

Humphrey Bogart: ... she walks into mine.

  • Rocko, Hubie, Ash and the furniture around him laughing, then Ash shooting at the former two.
  • Michael Jackson's song from Free Willy playing when an orca attacks Hubie and Rocko.
  • "MAN-TITS AWAYYY!"
  • Upon seeing Rocko flying Hubie and Marina upwards to safety, the Critic turns the screen upside down, stating that the direction they appeared to be flying now was the direction they were really headed. Complete with a crash sound effect.
  • After they rip off the "Wish Upon a Star" thing from Pinocchio:

 "This is the Wishing Star. Our attorneys advise you to stop ripping off Disney, or we'll sue you for the little that you have. Thank you, and never call us again." *click*

  • His criticizing Hubie's song at the beginning:

 Hubie: Sometimes I wonder what the colors mean...

NC: Uh, why don't you figure out what that lyric means first? It's like saying "I wanna know what the sounds smell like!"

  • Critic calling Drake's lair "Frankenberry's house".


Ernest Scared Stupid

  • "Is it just me or does she look like Chester A. Bum's grandmother?"

  "Hooray! I'm a bi-racial, half-feline, cat person! How come I'm not more surprised?"

 Douchey McNitpick: "In The Pebble and the Penguin, seals can grow that big. I've heard several discussions about it on numerous blogs..." *squish*

  • More Nostalgia-Ween is on the way.
  • "Bipolar: The Family."
  • "Not even milk can stop me now!"
  • The sequence where the Critic drinks milk and grows up (and ends up safe from trolls), a reference to the classic "Milk. It does a body good" ad campaign. Example here.
  • *after a false scare* "He's on the bed. He's on the bed. He's on the bed. He's on the bed. He's on the bed. He's on the bed." *girl turns and sees the troll on the bed beside her*
  • "Let's do a body good, boys!"
  • "His acting was a bit wooden."
  • "Even God wants you dead, Ernest! That'll teach ya to say Mello Yello is better than Mountain Dew."
  • "GOT MILK, MUTHAFUCKA!"
  • "Look out! We're being attacked by Rob Zombie's deviantART page!"
  • "This is beginning to look like an episode of Cops."


Top 11 Scariest Performances


It

  • The return of Dr. Smith.
    • "I'm gonna shoot ya...all five of ya!"
    • "Take that, Spider-Man! Not the superhero, the...the you!"
  • The Critic repeatedly opening and closing the book as Pennywise is talking all culminating in:

 Dr. Frank N Furter: I'm just a Sweet Transvestite... shuts book and tosses it aside*

  • Critic pointing out that Tim Curry's performance is more hilarious than scary and then suggesting that they just left the camera running as he was acting goofy.
  • As Jonathan Brandis is mentioned, the elephant in the room peeks on camera... "Oh, piss off!" *elephant hmm's*
  • "Oh no, he's being assaulted by the California Raisins!"
  • "Oh hey it's a beautiful Tim Curry out to-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"
  • "Who would ever be scared by ballo-" *cue to ominous balloon*
    • "BALLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!"
  • The ending is freaking hilarious, bringing the Narm Up to Eleven for laughs. The reaction shots of Rob are even better.
  • His reaction to one of the boys surviving by shielding himself with a book and repeating birds' names aloud.

 Narrator: "The only thing he could think of to do was to hold his bird book out in front of him like a shield and say as loud as he could the names of all the birds he could remember." 

Nostalgia Critic: "...Whaaaaaaaat...?"

Narrator: "... hold his bird book out in front of him like a shield and say as loud as he could the names of all the birds he could remember." 

Nostalgia Critic: "...Whyyyyyyyyyyyyy...?"

  • *slashes his wrists* "Oh, I should explain why I'm doing this... it... *beat* they'll get the rest."
  • BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEV!
  • Any and all times we are reminded that the Critic is drunk...

 "Camera's purrrrty."

"Why are you all spinning?"

"I'm drunk, and I'm not even scared!"

"I'm the Vitameatavegamin boy."

    • And when Stan's head appears and starts talking with everyone, Critic throws away his bottle of booze.
      • "This is like a stand-up routine at Jeffrey Dahmer's house!"
  • The Critic imagining Pennywise threatening Eddie, cackling insanely... and then just staring at him. Followed by a cameo of Bugs Bunny.
  • The Critic making fun of the sound effects used everytime someone has a flashback.

 "I looked into its dead-lights." *looks at the camera with a scared face* *boing*

"You looked into its dead-lights?!" *exaggerated astonished face* *computer "ta-daaa" error sound*

"I looked into its dead-lights!" *retarded face* *rooster cry*

  • The Critic mocking the fact that the clown never eats the kids, wondering what is more important with his time. 

 "Rawr, I've got you now little boy! RAA--Oh my God, it's almost three!"

  Nostalgia Critic: What? WHAT? *throws whisky in his face* WHATT??????!!!!!!!! We waited three fucking hours for that??!! You can't be serious. You can't be serious!!


Leprechaun

 Critic: *coughs* God enough, I'm sick of this shit! How the hell do you do that voice?

Snob: YEARS of drinking Crystal Pepsi, my friend.

 Aniston: Hello, hello? Help us please! Come help us, we're trapped inside of here!

Pennywise: Do you have Prince Albert in a can? You DO? Well you better let the poor guy out. A-ha, a-ha, a-ha!

  • This bit.

 Critic: CAAAAAAAAT!

Snob: DOOOOOOG!

    • It gets better:

 Critic: "What are you doing?"

Snob: "I don't know, I just thought we were shouting animals."

    • And then Snob looks utterly crushed when Critic forbids him from joining in.
  • YOU WILL TAKE ME SERIOUSLY!
  • Snob smashing the Lucky Charms leprechaun.
  • Basically all of the Critic and Snob interactions.

 Nostalgia Critic: Thanks for joining me, Cinema Snob!

Cinema Snob: Oh, thank you for-... no- this was a giant waste of time. (leaves)

Nostalgia Critic: ... Dickhole.

Cinema Snob: (childishly) You're a dickhole!

    • And this exchange towards the beginning.

 Nostalgia Critic (Imitating Cinema Snob): And we're going to review this little masterpiece, right here, toda-

Real Cinema Snob: Uh, excuse me, what do you think you're doing?

Nostalgia Critic: ...I'm the Cinema Snob.

Cinema Snob: I'm the Cinema Snob.

Nostalgia Critic: No, I'm the Cinema Snob.

Cinema Snob: No, I'm the Cinema Snob.

Both in unison: Tssssssssssssss-uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggghhhhhhh.

Cinema Snob: Well, okay, what do you say we review this anus turkey together?

Nostalgia Critic: I would like that.

Both: HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-tsssssssssssss-uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggghhhhh.

  • When the leprechaun gets his hand cut off...
  • Both Snob and Critic's reaction to the one epic line in the film:

 Alex: Fuck you, Lucky Charms!

(The Critic and Cinema Snob go into euphoria)

 Snob: (as leprechaun) You will take me seriously!

 Both: Aww, come on!

Critic: What, is the truck made out of styrofoam?!

Snob: My Hot Wheels don't flip over that easy!

 NC: What did they end up doing with that guy?

Snob: Don't worry he's being handled by top men.

NC: Who?

Snob: Top. Men. (cut to the ending from Raiders of the Lost Ark)


My Pet Monster

  • The Critic behaving like a sexually confused little boy.
    • And writing in a diary exactly how a teenage girl would, kicking his legs and giggling a couple of times.

 Dear Diary: Bernie said another joke today. God, he's funny, if only he knew the feelings I had towards him. If only...I was brave enough to tell him. God I'm a coward! [...] I almost had my chance today, but I chickened out at the last moment. Stupid Billy, stupid! Ah...One day you will be mine.

 Rob: Ah, Gary Larson. I like cows too.

    • Yup, I'm a Dinosaur. 
  • "Yeah, 'cos I remember acting like a monkey in eighth grade. ...God, I was pitied."
  • "Daaaaaaw, thinking is haaaard!"
  • His epic rant about the monster presented in the movie.
    • "So let me get this straight. This childrens play thing that you can get at Toys R Us for like $15 is a better special effect than this animatroic CHUCK-E-CHEESE NIGHTMARE?!?! YOU LIED TO ME, MOVIE! YOU LIED TO ME! I thought I was getting this! But noooo! Instead I'm getting...*shudders* THE FUCKING CRACK BABY OF 'WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE'!"
  • When the monster goes through the fence in fast-motion

 Critic: JESUS!!! *falls from his chair* The movie just got a sudden meth attack out of nowhere!


Nostalgic Commercials

  • The whole Wet Banana commercial.

 Narrator: Is that mom on Wet Banana?

Critic: *Spit Take*

Narrator: It is!

Critic: Mom! Get off my Wet Banana! ...What would Dad say?

  • Dinosaur!Rob trying to comfort the Critic.
    • "I'm a Dinosaur."
  • Well Christmas may be canceled forever.
  • Theorizing that Ecto Cooler may have very well been Slimer's splooge.
  • Santa Sex Hot line. That is all.
  • The Micro Machines guy doing an audiobook of Hamlet.

  Critic: *listening to the "To Be Or Not To Be soliloquy, eyes crossing in confusion around the middle, ultimately leading to his head a sploding around "for in this sleep of death, what dreams may come"*

 Barney: Hey Fred, how can we celebrate Christmas if Jesus hasn't been born yet?

Fred: Just eat your fuckin' cereal.

 Narrator: It's fun to help Magic Potty Baby learn to use her potty.

Critic: NO, IT'S NOT. IT'S FUCKING GROSS!

  • The Critic mocking the kid from the construction vehicle toys commercial.

 Kid: YEAH!

Critic: YEAH!

Kid: MOVE!

Critic: MOVE!

Kid: GO!

Critic: GO!

Kid: BAKE!

Critic: BAKE! What?

  • About the picture labeled "Apple Jacks '94" at the end of the Apple Jacks commercial: "Do you think the kids from IT did that? Like when they all took that picture together they simply labeled it as the summer of Apple Jacks '54? Y'know, instead of the summer of OH MY GOD A KILLER CLOWN A FUCKING KILLER CLOWN DON'T EVER FORGET THE KILLER CLOWN A KILLER CLOWN."
  • How he mentions the kid from the Giggles cookies commercial is laughing harder than someone stoned of their ass.
    • "Turn the gas off! TURN THE GAS OFF!!!"
  • Concerning Chia pets:
    • "Behold, the most boring thing IN THE ENTIRE FRIGGIN' WORLD!!!"
  • "Gee, that's a hairy fucker! And it doesn't bounce in the slightest! This'll do us well."
  • Critic's parody of Poor Jack is this, a Crowning Moment of Heartwarming and a Crowning Moment of Awesome all in one.


Old vs New: The Ten Commandments vs. The Prince of Egypt

  • God vs. God

 Prince of Egypt God: I am that I am.

"I'm Popeye the Sailor Man!"

  • "Moses Moses" and the reference to the Super Mario Bros. movie.
  • At the end, God reminds Critic that He is indeed a vengeful God after the Critic choses the gentler one in The Prince of Egypt, and zaps him with a lightning bolt as he tries to sneak away. The Critic's 30-second-long reaction sells it.
  • Alien Moses. And the theme to The X-Files playing in the background!
  • One Moses to Live will be right back...


The Thief and the Cobbler

  • At the beginning:

 Critic: The name of the film is "The Thief and the Cobbler... Or, "The Princess and the Cobbler".... Or, "Arabian Knight"?... Or, "An Abomination of Assness", which is what most people call it.

  NC" (imitating a toddler's voice): *Picture of a tack* Tack! *Picture of a maze* Zig-Zag! *Picture of a slice of pie* Yum-yum! *Picture of the the title card of the movie* Shitty fuck fuck, shitty fuck, shit fuck!

 Zigzag: "Now that I have the balls--"

Yakko: "Good night, everybody!"

  • And who could forget the "Butt scratcher!" gag?
  • Or the critic wondering what in the heck the power of the 3 golden balls could be...

 *the 3 balls turn into the dragonballs as Rockthe Dragon plays*

Critic: *dismissive laugh* Naw, that can't be it.

  • "The grass felt soft on my feet, why don't I monolouge about that for several hours? The grass is green, a frog is green, I'm sure I can talk about this in great detail somehow."


Waterworld

  • STUFFFFFF!! 
    • The best one was where he was playing the Mortal Kombat theme.
      • "LET'S GET READY FOR STUUUUUUUUUUFFFF!!"
  • "FOOD!"
  • "Next time I'll give you a perm. With BLONDE HIGHLIGHTS!"
  • How appalled he is that Costner sends Helen down into the water when he should know better than to leave the kid on the raft after completely blowing his location to the Smokers just minutes prior. 

 Oh look! The Smokers got her! Well, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you're all IDIOTS!

    • While we're at it, the idiot clock itself was a pretty good crowning moment as well, as it leads right up to this payoff.
  • "She can't swim!" "SHE CAN'T SWIM?!! YOU'RE IN A PLACE CALLED WATERWORLD AND YOU CAN'T SWIM?!?! That's like being in the Arctic and not knowing how to put on a coat! Some things just go without saying!"
  • During the Smokers' highly-choreographed attack on the atoll:

  Critic: Okay, this is turning into a watershow. Just slap the Universal Studios Florida logo in the corner and the advertising takes care of itself.

  • Hurrah!
  • How about when the people on the Atoll try to pass off a young woman on Costner?

  "We can look to our own for impregnation, but... too much of that sort of thing gets... undesirable..." *Dueling Banjos*

  • This little gem:

 Atoll Chief: In the interest of public safety, he is hereby sentenced to recycling!

Nostalgia Critic: Into WHAT, Keanu Reeves?

  • Or when Gregor unleashes his flying device...

 Gregor: I'm sorry! It was an accident!

The Wizard of Oz: I can't come back, I don't know how it works! Goodbye folks!

 NC: His fro can block out the light of a thousand suns, his teeth can take out the biggest of Kahuna burgers and his constant use of the N-Word makes my mommy so angry but he's so worth the R-rating (Jackson fires a gun) Ahhh!

Jules: I'm sorry, did I break your concentration?

 Costner: *dully* My boat.

Critic: *monotone* You maniacs. You blew it all up. Damn you. Damn you all to hell.

  • "They meet up with a drifter who I swear to God is played by perverted Robin Williams."


Little Monsters

  • Return of the SCARY SLOW-MO!
  • The "over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder".
  • THAT'S PAZUZU!
  • The montage song: "An eighties montage fixes everything! Except when you show people eating! What the hell? I thought this was an eighties montage! All of a sudden it just kinda stopped. Shouldn't we be seeing some stuff? Cut against other stuff, oh wait here we go! We're back to the eiiighties montage! Now the buildup can finally begin. Oh wait, I guess it's over now. Boy, that was pretty fucking lame." 
  • Annoying Supernatural Fast Talking Dick Club.
    • The Critic's part-utterly horrified, part-insane smile when they all talk at once, as he slowly reaches to put his gun in his mouth.
      • "POINT MADE." "*put gun down* Oh thank GOD!"
  • "What goes on down there is every kid's fantasy!"

 Nostalgia Critic: Oh, you mean a naked April O'Neill covered in whipped cream and chocolate sauce? (Beat) I'm an early bloomer, so WHAT?!

 Nostalgia Critic: Does it have to be written in Howie Mandel's contract that ever single character he plays is allergic to bright light? Are bright lights part of his OCD? Does he have some kind of paranoia against them? Seriously, what would happen if he stepped in bright light?

Bella: It's like diamonds!


Rover Dangerfield

  • His version of Rodney talking about the film with Harold Ramis:

 Critic: Hey, Harold! I got this great idea for a kid's movie! It's me as a dog!

Harold Ramis: I think that would be extraordinarily dangerous.

Critic: Glad you like it! Bye! Ho ho!

  Nostalgia Kitten: A CAT CREDIT CARD??!!!" Eh? Eh? [Is shot. Duck Hunt dog appears with a sub-machine gun and laughs]

    • "No respect at all."
  • Straight after the first time delivers a series of bad one-liners.

 Critic: Yeeeaah, um... how many more one-liners are there in this movi-?

  • 3,422*

Critic (voice cracking): OH, GOD!!

  • "It could be worse. I mean this is a kid's film they could be singing a song right now--NO NO NO NO NO NO!"

 Critic: All in favor of skipping this song say "Fuck off!"

Audience: "FUCK OFF!"

Critic: Thank you!

  • The bit with Treebeard about the amount of trees used to make the film. The sign saying "For Rover Dangerfield" and the Ear Worm song playing in the background at realisation makes it 100 times funnier.
  • The "The End" title cards
  • The Audience reaction to the turkey scene.
  • Comparing Rover to the Duck Hunt Dog.
  • When the kid reads Rover's name off the dog's tie: "At least it says so on his Nostalgia Critic tie!"
  • Comedians who could be in bad animated spinoffs:
    • Red Robin Williams, Andrew Dice Clay, The Chris Rock, Eddie Lizard, and Pen & Teller
    • "Yeah, they're shit! But they're still better than this fucking crap!" What's also funny is that he's acting like one of those awful art students, the ones who do great work in under five minutes, call it crap and make their peers seethe with jealousy.
  • "Heh-hey, looks like I did end with a bang!"
  • This exchange.

 Farmer: This is hard for me Rover, but you've taken a life.

Critic: A life that... we were gonna take anyway. Um... but, um...

Elisia: IT WAS A LIFE!

Critic: Yeah, what she said!

 Critic: Can someone please tell me why the sheep were in the tree?

Graham Chapman: These sheep are laboring under the misapprehension that they are birds. Notice how they do not so much fly as plummet.

 Critic: Its the greatest time of the year, Christmas. Christmas has everything you could possibly need; Santa, Snow, Presents, Zod


You're A Rotten Dirty Bastard - A Christmas Special

  • Bargo (as Wembley Giggles): ...and that's when Mary Poppins had an abortion, and later she became a revolutionary!
  • The different variations of the reviewers: The Cinema Snob as the world's greatest porn star; Linkara as head of DC and Marvel; The Nostalgia Chick as a mother of one, happily married to the child's stay-at-home dad, whilst also having become the most respected director in cinema today (She remarks that she can call her Twilight remake "Twilight: The Good Version" simply because she's directing), with a close friendship & working relationship with Nella to boot; Spoony as the Nostalgia Critic beloved even by Douchey McNitpick; and Angry Joe as the President Of United States. Phelous, however, gets killed when Joe blows up Canada.
    • I got a kick out of even Ask That Guy being much nicer and well-adjusted without the Critic around. Even though he still loves hookers, of course.
    • Roger and the Critic Tempting Fate after seeing Joe's alternate future.

 Roger: Oh come on! These can't possibly be as bad as Joe being the President of the United States.

Nostalgia Critic: I suppose you're right. I mean, it can't get any worse.

(Spoony's alternate future)

Spoony: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to. (Insert present-Critic's girly scream)

  • "Is this a pep talk? [...] Because pep talks are supposed to make you feel peppy, not make you want to take a shower with a fucking toaster!"
    • The "pep talk" itself, complete with Title Drop:

  Roger: See, Critic, you really were a rotten dirty bastard, All the people you came in contact with would have led a better life [places his left hand on NC's shoulder] if you had never met them at all.

  • The ending, when the Critic insults in turn each of the reviewers who had vastly better lives simply by not knowing him, and each one makes a retort displaying their hatred for him.

 Nostalgia Critic: Merry Christmas, you porn-reviewing fucktard!

Cinema Snob: Blow me!

Nostalgia Critic: Merry Christmas, you self-righteous activist for anything, you!

Nostalgia Chick: [Deadpan] I so wish you'd die.

Nostalgia Critic: Merry Christmas, you pasty comic book-reading ass-magnet, you!

Linkara puts down his comic & flips the Critic off

Nostalgia Critic: Merry Christmas, you over-excitable Puerto Rican jumping bean!

Angry Joe: Oh, I am so working on a hand grenade with your name on it.

Nostalgia Critic: Merry Christmas, you pompous reject of everything likable, you!

Spoony: [Cheerfully] Thanks a lot, I'll see you in hell!

  • "Hmm...so God lied to me....that seems like a bit of a dick move"
  • Spoony laughing maniacally for seconds straight at the camera. Even funnier when you realize he isn't aware that the Critic and Roger are there, yet he's still pretty much mocking him!
  • Once the fight scene between Roger and The Critic began. Roger's ability to slide across the ground, stop time to beat up the Critic, and that little tiger-roar when he smiled were too much.
    • The expressions on NC's face are the cherry on top.
  • The ending.

 Santa Christ: Ho ho ho! So as you see, boys and girls, the moral of the story is...

Santa Christ proceeds to look around the room blankly for three or four seconds, and the credits roll.

  • Good god, the bloopers. Doug and Rob turning Santa Christ into an anti-semite, Nostalgia Spoony laughing madly until he falls out of his chair, then completing his impression the only way possible:

  Spoony: A BAT CREDIT CARD? NOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOO! DOES NOT COMPUTE!!!

    • Speaking of impressions, Spoony's incredibly exaggerated take on the Critic's opening Catch Phrase followed by...

 Doug: You're an asshole.


Raiders of the Story Arc: TMNT

  • The pull-string action figure of Dennis Miller, and the lines he says throughout the review.
  • The "Ninja Movie Week" bit

 Announcer: This week on...SeeFee? S-Y-F-Y? Eh, Um, that wrestling channel.

  • The first shot of April O'Neill.

  "Oh, I just remembered the reasons I love her so much: one on the left, and one on the right."

 Shredder: Tonight I dine on turtle soup!

Uncle Phil: ...with pillowy mounds of mashed potatoes...

  • How Shredder, having known where the Turtles' headquarters were as early as episode 5, could've just destroyed them and the series would be over.

 Michelangelo: Alright, dudes! Let's look for Shredder!

Technodrome breaks through the wall and smashes them.

  • "Turtles fight with X!" or "Turtles X with honor!", in reference to Donatello's completely out-of-the-blue and out-of-context battle cry. 
  • The look of despair that creeps over the Critic's face when he realizes that unlike his other January-month specials, this is going to suck.
  • When the turtles' flying car stops running and Donatello determines that the fuel consists of plutonium:

 Raphael: Oh, great. Maybe we can get a tow to the closest plutonium station.

Marty McFly: Y-You don't just walk into a store and buy plutonium!

  • The Critic wondering how on earth they were able to drive the Turtle-Van underground to the Technodrome.
    • "And to your right, you'll see a giant Lego igloo."
  • The Critic's reaction upon realizing that the characters didn't care about the many likely deaths when April's apartment building collapsed:

 Critic: Oh my God, the loss of innocent life! Lord knows how many innocent families were in there and now are suddenly [sobbing] de-ea-ea-ead! Oh my God! The impact this must have on our heroes!

April: Boy, they sure don't build 'em like they used to!

[The critic stares aghast for a moment]

Critic: Inconsiderate BITCH! What the hell would you say if you just saw the Hindenburg disaster? 'Uh-oh! Spaghetti-O's!'...THE FUCK'S WRONG WITH YOU?!

[An image of April appears with the words and condemning vocal "YOU ARE A TERRIBLE PERSON" over the top.]

  • This bit, which involves an old lady being scared by the turtles:

 Critic: OK; we all know this gag. The woman overreacts and runs away screaming while *old lady pulls out a shotgun and points it at the turtles and April* HOLY SHIT !

Old Lady: One twitch and you're history, scum ! Now back off, nice and easy !

Critic (Imitating the lady): Moses from Planet of the Apes says it's my right to own one of those things and BY GOD I'm going to exercise that right !

  • When April is kidnapped by some Foot soldiers :

  Critic: All right, sending camera crew to hmm-hmm-hmm. By any chance, is that off of "HEEEEEEEEEELLLLLP!" Street ?

Notes

  1. (Ruins any movie instantly in the first five minutes. WOW! No More Credibility! Only $1,999,999,999,999,999)
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