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"With a few exceptions, the characters on this program are weird and peculiar and not to be trusted."
Sam the Eagle
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"Why, did you know that underneath their clothing, the entire population of the world is walking around completely naked? Hrmm? Isn't that disgusting?"
Sam the Eagle
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Statler: "Hey Berle! You know what? I've just figured out your style. You work like Gregory Peck."

Berle: "Wha - Gregory Peck's not a comedian!"

Statler: "Well..."

Berle: "Now just a minute, please. I've been a successful comedian for half my life!"

Waldorf: "How come we got this half?"

Berle: "Look, did you come in here to be entertained or not?"

Statler: "That's right."

Berle: "What?"

Waldorf: "We came in here to be entertained, and we're not."
Milton Berle takes the usual abuse from Statler and Waldorf
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Lisa: Dad, what's a Muppet?

Homer: Well, it's not quite a mop and it's not quite a puppet... but man (laughs). So to answer your question, I don't know.
Homer Simpson attempts to describe the Muppets in The Simpsons episode "A Fish Called Selma"
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Statler: "The question is; what is a Mahna Mahna?

Waldorf: "The question is; who cares?"
Statler and Waldorf's very first snarky comment ever on the show.
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Big Bird: "Oh, hi! I'm Big Bird!"

Miss Piggy: [looking him up and down] "No kidding."

Big Bird: "I'm a friend of Kermit's. We both come from the same neighborhood, Sesame Street."

Miss Piggy: "Ah! Isn't that the cute little children's show with puppets?"
Miss Piggy and Big Bird meet for the first time when the latter makes a guest appearance on the show.
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Beauregard: "I sent Beaker to get the power saw."

Kermit the Frog: "Is that wise?"

Beauregard: "Oh sure, he's okay."

Kermit the Frog: "He's dumber than you are."

Beauregard: "He is not!"
Kermit and Beauregard the janitor having an intellectual conversation.
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"When Animal gets something he either hits it or eats it. No third alternative."
Dr. Teeth
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