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"With a few exceptions, the characters on this program are weird and peculiar and not to be trusted."—Sam the Eagle
"Why, did you know that underneath their clothing, the entire population of the world is walking around completely naked? Hrmm? Isn't that disgusting?"—Sam the Eagle
Statler: "Hey Berle! You know what? I've just figured out your style. You work like Gregory Peck."Waldorf: "We came in here to be entertained, and we're not."
Berle: "Wha - Gregory Peck's not a comedian!"
Berle: "Now just a minute, please. I've been a successful comedian for half my life!"
Waldorf: "How come we got this half?"
Berle: "Look, did you come in here to be entertained or not?"
Statler: "That's right."
—Milton Berle takes the usual abuse from Statler and Waldorf
Big Bird: "Oh, hi! I'm Big Bird!"Miss Piggy: "Ah! Isn't that the cute little children's show with puppets?"
Miss Piggy: [looking him up and down] "No kidding."
Big Bird: "I'm a friend of Kermit's. We both come from the same neighborhood, Sesame Street."
—Miss Piggy and Big Bird meet for the first time when the latter makes a guest appearance on the show.
Beauregard: "I sent Beaker to get the power saw."Beauregard: "He is not!"
Kermit the Frog: "Is that wise?"
Beauregard: "Oh sure, he's okay."
Kermit the Frog: "He's dumber than you are."
—Kermit and Beauregard the janitor having an intellectual conversation.
"When Animal gets something he either hits it or eats it. No third alternative."—Dr. Teeth