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 Ted: Oh, please, you don't owe me any explanations. You know why? Because I'm glad I wasn't invited to your party. Do you think I even wanted to go to one of your parties? It is to laugh, Mary! You know something, Mary? You don't know this, but I've had lots of parties that you were never invited to. Oh, yes, that's right! Wonderful parties, and you were never invited. Come-as-you-are parties, surprise parties, Hawaiian night parties where you had to say "Aloha" or you couldn't get in. Parties that would have changed your life, Mary, and you weren't invited. Parties where you would have fallen in love with that Mr. Right you've been so desperately waiting for. Yes, Mary, he was at one of my parties too! The one man in the world meant just for you, Mary, and you missed him. The man that would have given you a home and marriage and children and comfort in your old age was at one of my parties, Mary, AND YOU WEREN'T INVITED!!!

  • The Mary Tyler Moore Show was always amusing, but perhaps its finest moment was the funeral of Chuckles the Clown.
  • Possibly even funnier than “Chuckles Bites the Dust”: the episode “Two Wrongs Don’t Make a Writer,” in which Ted enrolls in the same creative writing class Mary is taking. Ted freaks out about an assignment and Mary tells him the story of something that happened to her in high school, which is the topic of her assignment. In the next class, Ted tells a ridiculously gender-switched, poorly researched version of Mary’s story, which would have been the funniest moment of the episode were it not for Mary’s priceless response to Ted’s story.

  Mary: Thank you. I have never been so happy to tell a story in my life! This is a story about someone insensitive. Yes, insensitive, Ted Baxter, that he would use part of a person's get a crummy three minutes of attention! This is somebody so... Look at me, Ted! This is somebody so insensitive and who has reached such a low point that he would steal a story! That was one of the most important moments in my life, Ted, and you made it into a...a horse story! Well, you've gone too far! I have some things on my chest that I have been saving for YEARS! [the bell rings] NOBODY MOVE!

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