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  Max: "Carmen, they found ANOTHER ONE.

  • Max trying to sneak Ricky out of his house in a garbage bag.
    • How about later when George is trying to sneak by Angie, and decides to screw it. He grows legs and quickly runs into the backyard, yelling "I can't hear you, I'm trash!!"
  • The Chicano Christmas play that George sees with his family, priceless!
  • The entire argument at the end of the episode "George's Relatively Bad Idea"
    • Of note, there's one point where George makes fun of Vic's red shirt and obviously died hair and mustache.

 George: Oh good idea, put her on the spot, Super Mario.

  • After Benny's house burns down and everyone reads the notes sent by her neighbors.

 Ernie (reading the note) "I hope you build a new house..."

Angie- "well, that's not bad"

Ernie-..."but this time with the windows painted shut so you're trapped inside and burn alive like the wicked witch you are!!"

    • Made funnier by the fact that, when asked by George who signed it (he wants to send them a Christmas card), Ernie tells them a lot of people signed and it's sort of a petition. Also funny is one of the earlier letters which reads "What the hell does god have to do to finish you off?"
  • In "Max's Big Adventure", George isn't sure that Max should walk to school by himself. So he gets his work carpool driver to drive around and try to see if Max will get in the car. Max doesn't fall for anything, but the neighbor kid does. George says he will give the kid all the change in his pockets if he shuts up. Then, when a policeman pulls them over, the boy blurts out "Mr. Lopez said I could stay in here and he would give me what's in his pants!"
  • One episode had George and a dentist fighting over who's chilhood was a lot worse. Here's what the dentist said:

  Dentist: My mom locked me in the closet for a day and a half just so she could go and party!

    • The hilarious part was George's comeback reply:

  George: Oh yeah, well my neighbor touched me inappropriately IN MY NO-NOs.

  • In "Fishing Cubans," Vic and his brother Octavio (whom Vic and George rescued from Cuba) are drinking in the kitchen talking about what they'd like to do to Fidel Castro when George barges into the kitchen dressed as Castro, complete with jumpsuit and beard, and yells "IT'S GO TIME!", scaring Vic and Octavio out of their wits. George laughs at the two brothers, and Vic, enraged, yells "Ven aca communista!" ("Come here, you communist!") and proceeds to chase George out the kitchen.
  • Three words. THIS IS GONORRHEA.
  • WHAT. HAPPENED. DURING. LUNCH?! WHAT. HAPPENED. DURING. LUNCH?!
  • Benny trying to convince George to buy things from his childhood. She takes out an old teddy bear (Mr Bear Bear) and then makes it beg George to take it back ("She already took one eye for her dress. Help me! Heeeeelllllllpppppp me!").
  • Any time Vic appeared as a hallucinogenic worm.
  • George makes a wish for his birthday, Ernie comes in and says that Benny's house burnt down. George's instant reaction was "I swear my wish was about Carmen!" referring to the trouble with their daughter at the time of the scene.
  • *Pulls out golf club* "I didn't touch your daughter Mr Lopez!"
  • After Jason has a roidrage and leaves the Lopez house, George tries searching for him and fails saying:

  George (as Jason): WHY GEORGE CHASE JASON? JASON WANT ALONE!

  • When Marisol's boyfriend goes to the factory to find her and George confronts him.
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