FANDOM


Farm-Fresh balanceYMMVTransmit blueRadarWikEd fancyquotesQuotes • (Emoticon happyFunnyHeartHeartwarmingSilk award star gold 3Awesome) • RefridgeratorFridgeGroupCharactersScript editFanfic RecsSkull0Nightmare FuelRsz 1rsz 2rsz 1shout-out iconShout OutMagnifierPlotGota iconoTear JerkerBug-silkHeadscratchersHelpTriviaWMGFilmRoll-smallRecapRainbowHo YayPhoto linkImage LinksNyan-Cat-OriginalMemesHaiku-wide-iconHaikuLaconic

 Chico: You know, he's right - the African Americans only got to eat the parts of the pig that the white owners didn't want to eat. -picks up intestines- I don't think people are really supposed to eat this. Or at least not so much.

Huey and Grandad Blank Stare

What? I'm not allowed to take an Afro-American culture class at the community college?

  • (Riley falls out of his chair after eating a monster burger) It's the itis, right?

 That or insulin shock! Do something - give him CPR!

(Beat)

RILEY, WAKE UP!

I don't think yellin' at him is gonna work!

I don't know CPR!

How you don't know CPR?

I tried to learn it, but they wouldn't let me - 'cuz I was black. Oh, yeah, you all can run around now, learnin' CPR on each other, but when I was young it was illegal to let colored folks learn it!

(Longer Beat)

Grandad, that's not true!

  • Anytime somebody says "Smoking with Cigarettes" from the episode of the same name.
  • Grandpa munching cheerios.
  • "It's A Black President Huey Freeman" has a lot of these:
    • The documentarian's reaction to Huey's lack of enthusiasm regarding Barack Obama.

 Documentarian: My scrotum clenches in disgust.

    • His description of Robert is also great:

 Documentarian: I cannot decide if Robert is either a pathological liar or merely suffering from the early stages of dementia.

    • Dick Ridin' Obama. ESPECIALLY when they show a random shot of George Clooney dancing. Though the entire thing needs to be seen to be fully appreciated.
    • The documentarian's conversation with Tom after Sarah leaves for the inauguration.

 Documentarian: Are you afraid your wife will have lusty sex with ze president?

Tom: What? That's not even possible.

The Documentarian: I didn't ask if it was possible. I asked if you were afraid. He's pretty much a cleaner, wealthier, more successful version of you.

  • Tom's terrified line in "Date with the Health Inspector"

 Tom: Whatever you do, don't tell my baby Jazmine. I don't want her to know her daddy was somebody's biiiiiitch!

Which is followed hilariously when Huey relays the message to Jazmine.

  Huey: Your dad wanted me to tell you he's nobody's bitch.

    • Hell, the dream alone was hilarious in terms of the sheer amount of Schadenfreude it provided.

 Prisoner: Soap drop, nigga.

  • Uncle Ruckus' (No Relation) musical number "Don't Trust Them New Niggas Over There". It's made even funnier by the fact everyone claps because they "think it's okay when they say it."
  • The comics where Grandad and Tom go see Brokeback Mountain. They have no idea what the movies really about, they just think its a manly cowboy movie. It's particularly sealed not only by Tom and Grandad running into a gay couple at the theater and not knowing it but by Grandad's reaction when he sees the movie

  Grandad: That's not manly! That's not manly!

  • "The Trial of R. Kelly":
    • Just when Adam West argues that that's not R. Kelly in the video, not only does he directly face the camera, but he then proceeds to give out his name and social security number. And he's still peeing. Ewwwww...
    • Riley asking R. Kelly for his lawyer's number. When R. Kelly gets out said number, Riley asks him if he washed his hands.
    • Riley's arguement to Tom on why R Kelly shouldn't be found guilty. After which he walks offscreen and shouts back:

 Riley: "And if R Kelly goes to jail, I'll piss on yo cat!"

  • The comics have one where, after a whole week of Riley insulting telemarketers and getting caught, Grandad answers the phone and promptly endures several minutes of telemarketing, eventually giving up and telling Riley to abuse away.
  • The whole comic's plot of Huey and Caesar trying to get Condoleezza Rice a man so she won't destroy the world.
  • Another comics example, while masquerading as Huey, the following exchange occurs between Riley and Jazmine.

 Jazmine: Wow, Riley, you look just like Huey.

Riley: I am Huey.

Jazmine: Stop playing Riley!

Riley: If I'm not Huey then why do I have a big afro and a disapproving glare? Now, bring me all the money in your piggy bank so I can do something smart with it!

Jazmine: But Huey...

Riley: HUEY HAS SPOKEN!

  • Yet another comics example.

 Huey: Wake up. Hey, wake up!

Riley: Why? It's Sunday.

Huey: I don't know! Granddad told me to wake you up, so get up!

Riley: So what....you're my alarm clock now?

Huey: I guess so.

Riley: Fine.

Riley then proceeds to slap Huey in the face, then roll over in bed again.

Riley: Snooze.

  • "Bitches To Rags" has Thugnifcent trying to deal crack cocaine. First he makes crack using instructions from music video and Wikipedia. Then his first customer is a stereotypically British black cokehead. This alone is one crowning moment of funny, and then it's followed up by a fanboy who spots him for who he is. Hilarity Ensues.

 Thugnificent: I'm not Thugnificent. I'm an ordinary crack dealer.

  • "LOOK AT YA! You was poppin' all that gooood shit a second ago! Then you got KICKED IN YO CHEST! YOU eat a dick, nigga! YOU eat a dick!"
  • The entirety of "Let's Nab Oprah".
    • The beginning sequence where Ed Wuncler III and Gin Rummy seem to be casually discussing the issue of text messaging before practicing robbing a bank.

 Gin Rummy: So basically nigga technology is anything that doesn't plug into a printer. Does that plug into a printer?

Ed: No.

Gin Rummy: Know why? 'Cause niggas never have anything to print.

 Grandad: I think I miss Ruckus. Does that mean there's something wrong with me?

Huey: Yeah.

    • The ending - Jimmy, tired of just writing songs about hating black people, tells Ruckus there's other things to sing about: brews, good friends, good times, love. Cut to the two singing a song about deportation too offensive to quote here.
  • The scene in "The Story of Thugnificent" where Riley is convinced he's gay because his favorite rapper is. Huey proceeds to go with it just to get his own room, while Grandad comes in to comfort Riley and the two proceeded to hug and cry.
  • Uncle Ruckus receives the results of a genetics test.

 Ruckus: Oh, n-no. This can't be! It s-says I'm one hundred and two percent African! With a two percent margin of error! Why? WHY, LAWD, WHY?!?

  • In "Stinkmeaner 3: The Hateocracy" when the toilet breaks and Bushido Brown hints at a unfavorable consequence if it is not repaired soon, resulting in this hilarious quote from Robert.

  Robert: Nigga, did you just tell me to wipe yo' ass?

  • "Smokin' with Cigarettes":
    • The bit towards the end of where Uncle Ruckus bursts in right as Lamilton is strangling Riley.

  Just two niggas killing each other. Proceed.

    • Grandad asking Huey to bring his pistol with the silver bullets and the stake when he finds out Lamilton is loose.
    • Huey calmly eating popcorn while we can plainly hear Grandad beating the hell out of Riley in the background.
    • Huey's response when Lamilton's grandmother says that Riley is the best friend Lamilton's ever had.

  Huey: Man, that kid is more troubled than I thought.

  • "The Fundraiser" has several thugs muscling Riley's staff out of business. Except Cindy who just knees the guy in the crotch.
  • "Pause" has several:
    • The whole Rocky Horror Picture Show number.
    • Huey's breakdown of how a Tyler Perry Winston Jerome movie works.
    • The whole "no homo" discussion between Robert and Riley.
    • "These niggas iz too glistenin'." Said by Riley when his punches just slide off the lotioned up actors.
  • "A Date with the Booty Warrior":
    • "All in favor of adding white bitches to the list of demands? Motion carried."
    • The end of the otherwise rather serious discussion between Tom and Sarah.

 Tom: My anus is gonna be fine and I'm gonna make sure those young boys' anuses are gonna be fine too!

Sarah: Pause.

    • The opening is a thing of beauty that takes Black Comedy Rape to an art form. The Booty Warrior enters a house and when Chris Hanson shows up like a normal To Catch a Predator episode, he proceeds to tell him he's here for Chris and then proceeds to attempt to rape him. Funnier Than It Sounds to the max.
    • The inmates describing anal sex and rape in prison. One thing that stands out is an inmate being attracted to Tom.

 Inmate: What's your name fine motherfucker?

Tom: I, um, don't think that's--

Riley: Tom!

    • The inmate's reaction to Huey's infodump about the prison system:

 Inmate: [beat] Nigga, did you just say what I was tryin' to say, but smarter?!

  • From "The Story of Lando Freeman":

 Riley: You shoulda stuck with your story!

Grandad: There was a DNA test!

Riley: Well study next time!

  • "The Fried Chicken Flu":
    • "I thought we were gonna tag team that ass!"
    • Thugnificent's friend thinking buffalo wings weren't chicken.
    • "Robert it's us... remember all the wacky adventures we've had together? Don't leave us to die!"
    • Everyone shoving Ruckus out of the house.
    • "They've got a cup that you pee in and then it makes the pee drinkable. It still tastes like pee but you get the picture."
    • "Tom, try not to die in my trunk."
    • Tom and Sarah's faces when Huey scans them for signs of the "virus".
    • Obama's ridiculous speeches saying nothing.
  • "The Color Ruckuss":
    • The scene where Ruckus gets thrown out by his father is one-third Tear Jerker, one-third Narm Charm, and one-third insanely funny physical comedy.
    • "Maybe we could get some hounds to get them out of here. Riley! Google hounds!"
    • Ruckus' momma, after her husband dies.

  "Finally! Now I can marry my white lover!"

    • "Bye momma. Bye momma's white lover."
    • "Nigga! Did I catch you tryin' to be shit?" *Slap* *Ruckus' mother comes and says the same thing she did last time he was slapped*
  • "Mr. Medicinal":
    • When Grandad gets addicted to smoking weed, one of the special varieties he smokes is called "Skywalker". We then see him literally floating in the air the next scene. Adding more humor to this is the fact that the person who sold the "Skywalker" weed to Grandad is voiced by Mark Hamill, a.k.a. Luke Skywalker.
    • Jazmine seeing Granddad naked and proceeds to scream in terror about thirty seconds later.
    • "Granddad! Stop snitchin."
    • Everything involving high Robert in general is absolutely golden, but it doesn't get much funnier than the cheerio scene, or Roberts reaction when Officer Douche's name is pronounced exactly the way you'd think.
  • "A Pimp Named Slickback. It's like 'A Tribe Called Quest; you say the whole thing!"
    • Can we call you Slickback for short?
  • Riley's walking-parody-of-Bob-Ross art teacher is just made of mixed Crowning Moment of Funny and Crowning Moment of Awesome.
  • When it's believed that the wife of Tom Dubois is going to leave him for the entertainer Usher, Robert protests that it's a lesser profession than Tom's. The kids explain that he means Usher the singer. Robert, still not getting it, says that ushers can't sing or you can't hear the movie.
  • " Dear Santa, you are a bitch nigga! Dear Santa, you are a bitch ASS nigga!"
  • When possessed Tom is tied upstairs while Grandad has a date.

 Tom: Did you tell her you have two sets of genitals Robert?! A vagina and a coochie!! How does that work?!

    • We can't forget the entire exorcism, courtesy of Uncle Ruckus (no relation).

 Uncle Ruckus: *Holds up a book* Read, nigga, read!

Tom: *Screams in pain and terror*

  • "The Red Ball":
    • Gin Rummy going "Sam Fisher" on the crooked ref.
    • Тhe little girl that Huey thought he injured for life revealing herself as all fine and dandy by busting out various dance moves.
  • "Crank that Artichoke" "Bitches to Rags".
  • From the very first episode.

 Riley: Why can't we be ourselves? Are you ashamed of us?

Grandad: Very!

  • The whole of "Lovely Ebony Brown", from Ruckus' usual views being amusing to her, to the boys' polarized reactions to Granddad wanting to dump Ebony out of paranoia that she is just as crazy as his other exes:

 Huey: Don't be a hypocrite, granddad.

Riley: Be a hypocrite, granddad!

  • Uncle Ruckus stomping a security guard in the nuts, to the tune of "Stomp 'Em in the Nuts".
    • The song itself is a Crowning Moment of Funny
    • And from that same episode: BIO-NUCLEAR ANTHRAX!
  • "The state's been trying to buttfuck me on the price. But we'll see who buttfucks who." A line Edward Asner had waited 75 years to receive.
  • "Eat a sack of baby dicks, muthafucka!"
  • From the comics, Grandad finds a pair of underwear sitting on the table while he's cooking dinner.

 "I don't mind crispy lettuce on my table. I don't mind crispy bacon on my table. But what I do mind on my table are someone's crispy, nasty drawers!"

  • Nearly everything said by Colonel H. Stinkmeaner, especially his taunts at Grandad (i.e. "You better have insurance; Ass-whoopin' insurance! And you about to pay a deductible!")
  • This exchange from "Invasion of the Katrinians"

 Jericho: What would your mama say, if she knew you was throwing out family?

Robert: She'd say "Get them broke niggas the fuck out my house!"

  • When Huey gets hit by Cairo:

 Riley: YOU GOT KNOCKED DA-- (Granddad glares at him) Nevermind.

Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.