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The Blademourner Trilogy - A Novel is an inaccurately named, satirical vampire short story.

It focuses on James Blademourner and John Deadly, two Vampire Lords, following their journey from the Vampires' orbital space laser defense platform to the Zombie Encampment.

The full text can be found here.

Now hosted at Everything2.

Needs a Better Description.


This contains instances of:

 "The callipygian bulges of his powerfully built buttocks were obvious through the thin leather, prominent and bulging, in a manner reminiscent of something appropriate for use in a simile."

  • Superior Species: The Vampires to the humans.
  • Take That: To vampire fangirls.
  • That Reminds Me of a Song: The brief song by the birds after they leave the Zombie tent.
  • There Is Only One Bed: At first, it seems like the shuttlepod only has one chair. Then it turns out that there was a second one all along.
  • The Rival: John to James, but this is dropped about halfway through. It gets mentioned once more, for laughs.
  • This Loser Is You: Humans are portrayed in this as dumb cattle, which are kept around for food, and at one point, bridge building materials.
  • X Meets Y: It's been described as horrible slashy Twilight fanfic meets good grammar.
  • You Fail Biology Forever: Dislocating your arms apparently makes you an escape artist.
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