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{{work}}[[File:ashens.png|frame|(''boop beep, boop beep, beep boop'') Hello!]]
[[File:ashens.png|frame|(''boop beep, boop beep, beep boop'') Hello!]]
 
   
 
{{quote|''"[[Hilarious in Hindsight|In March 2011]], all e-book readers will be recalled [[Take That|after it is discovered that e-books are shit]]."''|'''Stuart Ashen''', ''Ashen's Tech Dump'', "God's Source Code"}}
 
{{quote|''"[[Hilarious in Hindsight|In March 2011]], all e-book readers will be recalled [[Take That|after it is discovered that e-books are shit]]."''|'''Stuart Ashen''', ''Ashen's Tech Dump'', "God's Source Code"}}
   
Dr. Stuart Ashen (yes, a real doctor; of psychology, no less), or simply Dr. Ashen, is the premier source on [[YouTube]] for reviews of [[Shoddy Knockoff Product|Shoddy Knockoff Products]] — primarily electronics. He also reviews equally horrible retro British games in a series called ''Terrible Old Games You've Probably Never Heard Of''. He has also created two small series of comedy videos for the BBC Comedy Extra website, named ''Ashen's Tech Dump'' and ''Back Space''.
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Dr. Stuart Ashen (yes, a real doctor; of psychology, no less), or simply Dr. Ashen, is the premier source on [[YouTube]] for reviews of [[Shoddy Knockoff Product]]s — primarily electronics. He also reviews equally horrible retro British games in a series called ''Terrible Old Games You've Probably Never Heard Of''. He has also created two small series of comedy videos for the BBC Comedy Extra website, named ''Ashen's Tech Dump'' and ''Back Space''.
   
 
He co-starred in the sci-fi webseries/[[Alternate Reality Game|ARG]] ''[[The Proxy]]'', which ran through March 8th-17th, 2012. Unfortunately, the contest aspect, [[Product Placement|not-so-subtly sponsored by Alienware]], [[Offer Void in Nebraska|was available only for those living in the UK.]] Regardless, it is available to watch worldwide [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0iOfVgZYu28 here].
 
He co-starred in the sci-fi webseries/[[Alternate Reality Game|ARG]] ''[[The Proxy]]'', which ran through March 8th-17th, 2012. Unfortunately, the contest aspect, [[Product Placement|not-so-subtly sponsored by Alienware]], [[Offer Void in Nebraska|was available only for those living in the UK.]] Regardless, it is available to watch worldwide [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0iOfVgZYu28 here].
   
His site is [http://www.ashens.com here], his [[YouTube]] page [http://www.youtube.com/user/ashens here], and he hosts some of his game reviews on [[That Guy With The Glasses]] [http://thatguywiththeglasses.com/bt/ashens here.] He also served as the narrator for ''[[Ninja the Mission Force]]'', duplicating the [[Large Ham]] British narrator of Godfrey Ho's films.
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His site is [http://www.ashens.com here], and his [[YouTube]] page is [http://www.youtube.com/user/ashens here].
   
 
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* [[Accentuate the Negative]]: Being ripoffs of other consoles and generally being really bad, Ashen does this a lot in his reviews of [[Shoddy Knockoff Product|POP Stations]].
 
* [[Accentuate the Negative]]: Being ripoffs of other consoles and generally being really bad, Ashen does this a lot in his reviews of [[Shoddy Knockoff Product|POP Stations]].
 
* [[Adaptation Dye Job]]: Chef Excellence the puppet has much darker skin than the model he's based on.
 
* [[Adaptation Dye Job]]: Chef Excellence the puppet has much darker skin than the model he's based on.
* [[Alternate Character Interpretation]]: He pretty much popularized the the image of kid's show [[Plucky Comic Relief]] Noseybonk as a murderous psychopath.
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* [[Alternate Character Interpretation]]: He pretty much popularized the the image of kid's show [[Plucky Comic Relief]] Noseybonk as a murderous psychopath.
 
** He (jokingly) implied that Rick Santorum was a [[Star Wars]] character.
 
** He (jokingly) implied that Rick Santorum was a [[Star Wars]] character.
 
* [[Aluminum Christmas Trees]]: [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QcniO4-CVdM Lampshaded] with a bootleg action figure of [[Mick Foley|Dude Love]].
 
* [[Aluminum Christmas Trees]]: [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QcniO4-CVdM Lampshaded] with a bootleg action figure of [[Mick Foley|Dude Love]].
 
* [[Ambiguous Syntax]]: Mentioned in his review of ''Human Killing Machine'': is it about a human who is a killing machine, or a machine that kills humans?
 
* [[Ambiguous Syntax]]: Mentioned in his review of ''Human Killing Machine'': is it about a human who is a killing machine, or a machine that kills humans?
 
* [[And I Must Scream]]: In the second episode of ''Ashen's Tech Dump'', he reviews three (thankfully fictional) games, one of which is known as ''Vinnie the Vole's Existential Nightmare'', which made for huge amounts of [[Nightmare Fuel]] when Ashen found out the game {{spoiler|consists entirely of the titular Vole wandering around a dark, plain square room. He then freezes with a terrified look on his face, then runs from side-to-side making a beeping noise supposed to be screaming, then runs into the corner, [[Nightmare Fuel|holds a gun to his head, closes his eyes and]] [[Nothing Is Scarier|the screen goes black]] after a dull electronic ''pffut'' sound is heard}}.
 
* [[And I Must Scream]]: In the second episode of ''Ashen's Tech Dump'', he reviews three (thankfully fictional) games, one of which is known as ''Vinnie the Vole's Existential Nightmare'', which made for huge amounts of [[Nightmare Fuel]] when Ashen found out the game {{spoiler|consists entirely of the titular Vole wandering around a dark, plain square room. He then freezes with a terrified look on his face, then runs from side-to-side making a beeping noise supposed to be screaming, then runs into the corner, [[Nightmare Fuel|holds a gun to his head, closes his eyes and]] [[Nothing Is Scarier|the screen goes black]] after a dull electronic ''pffut'' sound is heard}}.
** {{spoiler|[[Failure Is the Only Option|YOUR ]][[You Bastard|FAULT]]}}
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** {{spoiler|[[Failure Is the Only Option|YOUR ]][[You Bastard|FAULT]]}}
 
** The game [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0I7aGuOdtHo has been] [http://www.mediafire.com/?znmyfxnufmm defictionalized], including a [[ZX Spectrum]] [http://www.worldofspectrum.org/infoseekid.cgi?id=0024891 homebrew flavor.]
 
** The game [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0I7aGuOdtHo has been] [http://www.mediafire.com/?znmyfxnufmm defictionalized], including a [[ZX Spectrum]] [http://www.worldofspectrum.org/infoseekid.cgi?id=0024891 homebrew flavor.]
 
** On his website's forum, Ashen [http://s13.zetaboards.com/Birdbath/topic/6718661/1/ revealed] a Facebook message he read on the Vinnie Vole fanpage:
 
** On his website's forum, Ashen [http://s13.zetaboards.com/Birdbath/topic/6718661/1/ revealed] a Facebook message he read on the Vinnie Vole fanpage:
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{{quote| "There should be a Vinnie board game. As soon as you open the box, there will be a slip of paper that kindly informs you that 'YOUR ACTIONS HAVE DAMNED VINNIE'."}}
 
{{quote| "There should be a Vinnie board game. As soon as you open the box, there will be a slip of paper that kindly informs you that 'YOUR ACTIONS HAVE DAMNED VINNIE'."}}
 
** This inspired him to make up his own rules for a board game:
 
** This inspired him to make up his own rules for a board game:
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{{quote| "You open the box and it is full of jewelery and nothing else. Ten minutes after opening it the Police knock down your door and accuse you of stealing it during a burglary you know nothing about, which resulted in the death of an old woman. In court they produce all sorts of false evidence and you end up being sentenced to 10 years. Six months into the sentence you wake up at 3am and see Vinnie silently staring at you from outside your cell door. Then it suddenly comes back to you — you DID commit the burglary, and it was you who pushed the old woman down the stairs. Vinnie points at you and screams and screams until you go mad. [[Mood Whiplash|The winner is the player with]] [[Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking|the most counters]]."}}
 
{{quote| "You open the box and it is full of jewelery and nothing else. Ten minutes after opening it the Police knock down your door and accuse you of stealing it during a burglary you know nothing about, which resulted in the death of an old woman. In court they produce all sorts of false evidence and you end up being sentenced to 10 years. Six months into the sentence you wake up at 3am and see Vinnie silently staring at you from outside your cell door. Then it suddenly comes back to you — you DID commit the burglary, and it was you who pushed the old woman down the stairs. Vinnie points at you and screams and screams until you go mad. [[Mood Whiplash|The winner is the player with]] [[Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking|the most counters]]."}}
 
* [[Arch Enemy]]: The autofocus. [[Running Gag|Many, MANY times.]]
 
* [[Arch Enemy]]: The autofocus. [[Running Gag|Many, MANY times.]]
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** Forms of patronizing marketing also manages to piss Ashen off. He expressed his displeasure at the Flip Video's slogans plastered all over its packaging, and actually refused to properly review a set of Carpenter earbuds due to the pretentious-sounding description on the back of its box, especially with its [[Incredibly Lame Pun|incredibly lame]] would/wood pun.
 
** Forms of patronizing marketing also manages to piss Ashen off. He expressed his displeasure at the Flip Video's slogans plastered all over its packaging, and actually refused to properly review a set of Carpenter earbuds due to the pretentious-sounding description on the back of its box, especially with its [[Incredibly Lame Pun|incredibly lame]] would/wood pun.
 
* [[Bile Fascination]]: His claim to fame is [[In-Universe|a series of video reviews of]] [[Shoddy Knockoff Product|POP Stations]], toys and games, almost all of which are crap. Many of them are donations from viewers.
 
* [[Bile Fascination]]: His claim to fame is [[In-Universe|a series of video reviews of]] [[Shoddy Knockoff Product|POP Stations]], toys and games, almost all of which are crap. Many of them are donations from viewers.
* [[Biting the Hand Humor]]: During the WLL review, {{spoiler|the youtube staff terminate the video when he mocks the partnership program.}}
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* [[Biting the Hand Humor]]: During the WLL review, {{spoiler|the youtube staff terminate the video when he mocks the partnership program.}}
 
* [[Blatant Lies]]: A [[Running Gag]] of his. He denotes all sarcastic comments with "...he lied."
 
* [[Blatant Lies]]: A [[Running Gag]] of his. He denotes all sarcastic comments with "...he lied."
 
** "<Sarcasm>. Also, I am a crazy liar"
 
** "<Sarcasm>. Also, I am a crazy liar"
 
* [[Blind Idiot Translation]]: Nearly every foreign product has manuals filled with this. It's so bad that Dr. Ashen is angry when it ''doesn't'' happen. Sometimes even the name is badly translated.
 
* [[Blind Idiot Translation]]: Nearly every foreign product has manuals filled with this. It's so bad that Dr. Ashen is angry when it ''doesn't'' happen. Sometimes even the name is badly translated.
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{{quote| '''Ashen''': You've probably read the title of [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v{{=}}V6e6r-NOq5U this video] and thought "[[Flat What|Surely there can't be]] a POP Station called [[Word Salad Title|Retieval Mankind's Batman]]!"}}
 
{{quote| '''Ashen''': You've probably read the title of [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v{{=}}V6e6r-NOq5U this video] and thought "[[Flat What|Surely there can't be]] a POP Station called [[Word Salad Title|Retieval Mankind's Batman]]!"}}
 
* [[The Board Game]]: He has reviewed several board game adaptations of computer and arcade games.
 
* [[The Board Game]]: He has reviewed several board game adaptations of computer and arcade games.
 
* [[Body Horror]]: The [[Fight Club]] action figures, which have limbs twisted around the wrong way and faces painted on wrongly. Apparently, it can spread.
 
* [[Body Horror]]: The [[Fight Club]] action figures, which have limbs twisted around the wrong way and faces painted on wrongly. Apparently, it can spread.
* [[Brick Joke]]: In Poundland Special 3 (April 2010), he tries to test the Packbuster's claims with a LCD game based on ''[[Doctor Who]]''. He also claimed that he will review it later, but it took until December 2011 for it to be reviewed. Turns out {{spoiler|it had fallen behind a wardrobe.}} The post for it on ashens.com also [[Lampshade Hanging|lampshaded]] its former [[What Happened to the Mouse?]] status.
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* [[Brick Joke]]: In Poundland Special 3 (April 2010), he tries to test the Packbuster's claims with a LCD game based on ''[[Doctor Who]]''. He also claimed that he will review it later, but it took until December 2011 for it to be reviewed. Turns out {{spoiler|it had fallen behind a wardrobe.}} The post for it on ashens.com also [[Lampshade Hanging|lampshaded]] its former [[What Happened to the Mouse?]] status.
 
* [[Broke the Rating Scale]]: In playing the ''Turbo'' boardgame with [[Guru Larry]], he manages to come in third place... out of two people playing.
 
* [[Broke the Rating Scale]]: In playing the ''Turbo'' boardgame with [[Guru Larry]], he manages to come in third place... out of two people playing.
 
* [[Buffy-Speak]]: From his Barcode Battler review after he realised the device needed new batteries.
 
* [[Buffy-Speak]]: From his Barcode Battler review after he realised the device needed new batteries.
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{{quote| "This thing eats batteries like [[Shaped Like Itself|an enormous battery-eating thing]]."}}
 
{{quote| "This thing eats batteries like [[Shaped Like Itself|an enormous battery-eating thing]]."}}
 
* [[Catapult Nightmare]]: At the beginning of his "Fortress Guardian" review.
 
* [[Catapult Nightmare]]: At the beginning of his "Fortress Guardian" review.
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** "I don't know, and you know what? I don't care."
 
** "I don't know, and you know what? I don't care."
 
* [[Christmas Special]]: [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bfXEnjI4vTk Christmas Tat 1 (2008)] and [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ATZPvDhHX3I 2 (2009)], and the Christmas Specials for [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IsjQpxJU7hM&feature=feedu 2010] and [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mbDeW5PwqRU 2011].
 
* [[Christmas Special]]: [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bfXEnjI4vTk Christmas Tat 1 (2008)] and [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ATZPvDhHX3I 2 (2009)], and the Christmas Specials for [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IsjQpxJU7hM&feature=feedu 2010] and [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mbDeW5PwqRU 2011].
* [[Corpsing]]: In the iPhone 5G review, he dissolves into a fit of uncontrollable laughter after discovering an ancient-style rabbit ear antenna on the phone.
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* [[Corpsing]]: In the iPhone 5G review, he dissolves into a fit of uncontrollable laughter after discovering an ancient-style rabbit ear antenna on the phone.
 
* [[Curse Cut Short]]: Chef Excellence at the end of "An Excellent Newsflash".
 
* [[Curse Cut Short]]: Chef Excellence at the end of "An Excellent Newsflash".
* [[Cuteness Proximity]]: Whenever he brings one of his pets onto the show, he tends to act especially cute with them, in a weird way--such as looking for his dog, Oscar ("Where's Oscar-dog? ''There he is!'') so he can [[Poke the Poodle|poke him]], or asking his guinea pig if he's going to [[It Makes Sense in Context|going to turn into a god-monster.]] "Yeees! Are you going to go on a rampage? Yeees!"
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* [[Cuteness Proximity]]: Whenever he brings one of his pets onto the show, he tends to act especially cute with them, in a weird way--such as looking for his dog, Oscar ("Where's Oscar-dog? ''There he is!'') so he can [[Poke the Poodle|poke him]], or asking his guinea pig if he's going to [[It Makes Sense in Context|going to turn into a god-monster.]] "Yeees! Are you going to go on a rampage? Yeees!"
 
* [[Creepy Doll]]: Shows up in the "Poundland Girls' Toys Special". His reaction? [[Kill It with Fire]].
 
* [[Creepy Doll]]: Shows up in the "Poundland Girls' Toys Special". His reaction? [[Kill It with Fire]].
 
* [[Deadpan Snarker]]: He doesn't hold anything back against the "products" he reviews. Emphasis on the "Deadpan," too, as he's usually extremely calm-voiced during his inferior product reviews.
 
* [[Deadpan Snarker]]: He doesn't hold anything back against the "products" he reviews. Emphasis on the "Deadpan," too, as he's usually extremely calm-voiced during his inferior product reviews.
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* [[Defictionalization]]: The action figures of him started out as a joke before becoming real for a limited run.
 
* [[Defictionalization]]: The action figures of him started out as a joke before becoming real for a limited run.
 
** ''Vinnie the Vole's Existensial Nightmare''.
 
** ''Vinnie the Vole's Existensial Nightmare''.
* [[Drinking Game]]: Dr. Ashen gives one to the viewer in the description of the Barcode Battler video.
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* [[Drinking Game]]: Dr. Ashen gives one to the viewer in the description of the Barcode Battler video.
  +
 
{{quote| '''Ashen''': Take a shot every time I say "Right", and "...or something". Alcohol poisoning may ensue.}}
 
{{quote| '''Ashen''': Take a shot every time I say "Right", and "...or something". Alcohol poisoning may ensue.}}
 
* [[Dropped a Bridge on Him]]: A mild example. In the end of [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V6e6r-NOq5U POP Station Watch 6], Chef Excellence makes an appearance as a puppet and Stuart asks him how he is now that he was replaced on the Stay Fresh line. They parted on sour terms.
 
* [[Dropped a Bridge on Him]]: A mild example. In the end of [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V6e6r-NOq5U POP Station Watch 6], Chef Excellence makes an appearance as a puppet and Stuart asks him how he is now that he was replaced on the Stay Fresh line. They parted on sour terms.
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* [[Easter Egg]]: The strange sound during when he supposedly fell asleep during his R-Zone review. By playing it on a spectrogram, it reveals a picture of {{spoiler|Noseybonk}}. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bbyk2Ys9CNw Proof here.]
 
* [[Easter Egg]]: The strange sound during when he supposedly fell asleep during his R-Zone review. By playing it on a spectrogram, it reveals a picture of {{spoiler|Noseybonk}}. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bbyk2Ys9CNw Proof here.]
 
** On his Guitar Fever review, if you record the screech and play it on a ZX spectrum emulator you get a special message! (Volume warning!) {{spoiler|1=[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iXqxc5w3OwI SPLINK!]}}
 
** On his Guitar Fever review, if you record the screech and play it on a ZX spectrum emulator you get a special message! (Volume warning!) {{spoiler|1=[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iXqxc5w3OwI SPLINK!]}}
* [[Eat That]]: One of his most popular bits is consuming various dubious edibles on camera, and it's one of his most requested ones as well, since his reactions are generally rather dramatic. Favorites include him eating a giant gummi-candy foot, the terrifying "anti-pizza," and generic boxed wine.
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* [[Eat That]]: One of his most popular bits is consuming various dubious edibles on camera, and it's one of his most requested ones as well, since his reactions are generally rather dramatic. Favorites include him eating a giant gummi-candy foot, the terrifying "anti-pizza," and generic boxed wine.
** His Easter 2012 contains possibly the two extremes of all the "Eat That"s he's ever done: First, there was a "cream egg" so vile, it caused an immediate [[Spit Take]] (for which he later apologized, it being rather unprofessional), and a marshmallow bunny that, while it looked horrifying (its eyes were misaligned and it had a random hole in its forehead), he had to admit actually tasted pretty good.
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** His Easter 2012 contains possibly the two extremes of all the "Eat That"s he's ever done: First, there was a "cream egg" so vile, it caused an immediate [[Spit Take]] (for which he later apologized, it being rather unprofessional), and a marshmallow bunny that, while it looked horrifying (its eyes were misaligned and it had a random hole in its forehead), he had to admit actually tasted pretty good.
 
* [[Eldritch Abomination]]: Bort Sompson.
 
* [[Eldritch Abomination]]: Bort Sompson.
 
** Referenced in regards to a [[Fight Club]] ripoff action figure whose face has been printed wrongly.
 
** Referenced in regards to a [[Fight Club]] ripoff action figure whose face has been printed wrongly.
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* [[Epic Fail]]: His attempts at building a Christmas cracker from a kit {{spoiler|set the sofa on fire and reduced him to a gibbering wreck. And that's ''before'' he set off all the gunpowder}}.
 
* [[Epic Fail]]: His attempts at building a Christmas cracker from a kit {{spoiler|set the sofa on fire and reduced him to a gibbering wreck. And that's ''before'' he set off all the gunpowder}}.
 
** In his [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GzvEUnwG5T4 review/playthrough] of the board game ''Turbo'' with [[Guru Larry and Wez|Guru Larry]], he somehow came in ''third''.
 
** In his [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GzvEUnwG5T4 review/playthrough] of the board game ''Turbo'' with [[Guru Larry and Wez|Guru Larry]], he somehow came in ''third''.
* [[Even the Rats Won't Touch It]]: [[The Stinger]] for [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5IWwM26OxiM Poundland Food Special] shows his dog refusing to touch the "pizza" "snack".
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* [[Even the Rats Won't Touch It]]: [[The Stinger]] for [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5IWwM26OxiM Poundland Food Special] shows his dog refusing to touch the "pizza" "snack".
 
* [[Evil Genius]]: According to Guru Larry and Wez, at least.
 
* [[Evil Genius]]: According to Guru Larry and Wez, at least.
 
* [[Evil Laugh]]: [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yoorFbFz3AU He uses one to let you know that he may phone you.]
 
* [[Evil Laugh]]: [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yoorFbFz3AU He uses one to let you know that he may phone you.]
 
* [[Evolving Credits]]: His standard intro has big googly eyes appear on his logo as he says a cheery "Hello!" For Poundland specials, instead pound coins appear where his eyes should be and he says 'cheapo!' For "Popstation Watch" a police siren plays while a Popstation orbits his logo's head and the eyes follow it.
 
* [[Evolving Credits]]: His standard intro has big googly eyes appear on his logo as he says a cheery "Hello!" For Poundland specials, instead pound coins appear where his eyes should be and he says 'cheapo!' For "Popstation Watch" a police siren plays while a Popstation orbits his logo's head and the eyes follow it.
** And then there's the times he's changed it up by replacing the googly eyes with {{spoiler|1=headbanging with heavy metal, a more high-definition version of the popstation watch opening, and [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=myTMMO9Clz8& CELERY!]}}.
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** And then there's the times he's changed it up by replacing the googly eyes with {{spoiler|1=headbanging with heavy metal, a more high-definition version of the popstation watch opening, and [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=myTMMO9Clz8& CELERY!]}}.
 
** The Poundland Food Special has him barfing in addition to his pound coin eyes. Given the nature of the "food" he's about to eat, it's basically foreshadowing what's to come.
 
** The Poundland Food Special has him barfing in addition to his pound coin eyes. Given the nature of the "food" he's about to eat, it's basically foreshadowing what's to come.
 
** The 2012 Easter Special replaced "Hello!" with a very unenthusiastic "Easter." It also placed the Easter Bunny into the scene and omitted the googly eyes.
 
** The 2012 Easter Special replaced "Hello!" with a very unenthusiastic "Easter." It also placed the Easter Bunny into the scene and omitted the googly eyes.
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** It's unknown if it's done intentionally but much of the review format and snark of Yahtzee's ''Zero Punctuation'' review series seems quite similar to ''Terrible Old Games You've Probably Never Heard Of''
 
** It's unknown if it's done intentionally but much of the review format and snark of Yahtzee's ''Zero Punctuation'' review series seems quite similar to ''Terrible Old Games You've Probably Never Heard Of''
 
* [[Freudian Slip]]: Both invoked and lampshaded in his Game King review, upon stating Game Boy games would not work on it.
 
* [[Freudian Slip]]: Both invoked and lampshaded in his Game King review, upon stating Game Boy games would not work on it.
  +
 
{{quote| "Oh... I don't know what it is with you people! You're obsessed with sticking things in the wrong slot... hm. Very Freudian."}}
 
{{quote| "Oh... I don't know what it is with you people! You're obsessed with sticking things in the wrong slot... hm. Very Freudian."}}
 
** In his Game.Com review, he accidentally made a Freudian slip whilst reviewing the Batman and Robin game. {{spoiler|Damnit! I've given away the ending in a freudian slip!}}
 
** In his Game.Com review, he accidentally made a Freudian slip whilst reviewing the Batman and Robin game. {{spoiler|Damnit! I've given away the ending in a freudian slip!}}
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* [[Harmless Villain]]: The Silver Skull
 
* [[Harmless Villain]]: The Silver Skull
 
* [[Hypocritical Humor]]: After the segment where [[Harry Partridge]] does a small review in Ashen's style in the "Ultra-Cheap Action Figures" video.
 
* [[Hypocritical Humor]]: After the segment where [[Harry Partridge]] does a small review in Ashen's style in the "Ultra-Cheap Action Figures" video.
  +
 
{{quote| '''Ashen''': People appearing in my own videos, trying to steal my shtick... Bet [[Jeepers Media|Mike Mozart]] doesn't have to put up with this.}}
 
{{quote| '''Ashen''': People appearing in my own videos, trying to steal my shtick... Bet [[Jeepers Media|Mike Mozart]] doesn't have to put up with this.}}
* [[Incredibly Lame Pun]]:
+
* [[Incredibly Lame Pun]]:
 
** As a reference to the ''La Di Dah'' iPhone app's autotune effect, as he was saving his recording to share it, he wondered, "Can I send it to Cher"? Very subtle, but terrible, nonetheless.
 
** As a reference to the ''La Di Dah'' iPhone app's autotune effect, as he was saving his recording to share it, he wondered, "Can I send it to Cher"? Very subtle, but terrible, nonetheless.
 
** He didn't like jokes with Christmas crackers either.
 
** He didn't like jokes with Christmas crackers either.
 
** "It looks like a fat Batarang: a Fatarang!"
 
** "It looks like a fat Batarang: a Fatarang!"
* [[I Need a Freaking Drink]] / [[This Is Gonna Suck]]: After finding out that one of the items he was reviewing was yet another [[Shoddy Knockoff Product|POP Station]] repackaging, he laments on it:
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* [[I Need a Freaking Drink]] / [[This Is Gonna Suck]]: After finding out that one of the items he was reviewing was yet another [[Shoddy Knockoff Product|POP Station]] repackaging, he laments on it:
  +
 
{{quote| '''Ashen''': Oh, dear... [[Understatement|I'm not looking forward to turning this on.]]<br />
 
{{quote| '''Ashen''': Oh, dear... [[Understatement|I'm not looking forward to turning this on.]]<br />
 
(''After getting the packaging over and done with'') Right, I'm going to go have a stiff drink or twenty, then I shall return. }}
 
(''After getting the packaging over and done with'') Right, I'm going to go have a stiff drink or twenty, then I shall return. }}
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** He seems to have a blowtorch now, as he's "killed" a bad-looking [[Harry Potter|Draco Malfoy]] figure, an easter chick decoration and a My Little Pony with it.
 
** He seems to have a blowtorch now, as he's "killed" a bad-looking [[Harry Potter|Draco Malfoy]] figure, an easter chick decoration and a My Little Pony with it.
 
* [[Lampshaded the Obscure Reference]]: He has a recurring segment in his reviews, "Quincy: a caterpillar that sings obscure Beatles Songs"
 
* [[Lampshaded the Obscure Reference]]: He has a recurring segment in his reviews, "Quincy: a caterpillar that sings obscure Beatles Songs"
* [[Le Film Artistique]]: The review of the Valentine's Day Frying Pan that Chef Excellence made in the Valentine's Day Tat video.
+
* [[Le Film Artistique]]: The review of the Valentine's Day Frying Pan that Chef Excellence made in the Valentine's Day Tat video.
  +
 
{{quote| '''Ashen''': I knew I shouldn't have taken him to see ''[[The Artist]]''. }}
 
{{quote| '''Ashen''': I knew I shouldn't have taken him to see ''[[The Artist]]''. }}
 
* [[Let's Play]]: His general approach towards videogame ripoffs.
 
* [[Let's Play]]: His general approach towards videogame ripoffs.
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* [[Letting the Air Out of the Band]]: He used an 8-bit rendition of God Save The Queen in two videos; it broke down on its second use in the [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U4rqVauL2eI Royal Wedding Tat Review].
 
* [[Letting the Air Out of the Band]]: He used an 8-bit rendition of God Save The Queen in two videos; it broke down on its second use in the [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U4rqVauL2eI Royal Wedding Tat Review].
 
** The [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K3EU1W4mZLc Doctor Who LCD Adventure Game review] opens with a DIY re-creation of the classic series intro that trails off in the last few seconds.
 
** The [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K3EU1W4mZLc Doctor Who LCD Adventure Game review] opens with a DIY re-creation of the classic series intro that trails off in the last few seconds.
* [[Limited Special Collectors Ultimate Edition]]: Did a review of several limited editions of video games and the tat that comes with them.
+
* [[Limited Special Collectors Ultimate Edition]]: Did a review of several limited editions of video games and the tat that comes with them.
 
* [[Limited Wardrobe]]: When he films himself, he almost always is wearing a suit with his trademark red tie.
 
* [[Limited Wardrobe]]: When he films himself, he almost always is wearing a suit with his trademark red tie.
 
* [[Loads and Loads of Loading]]: Combined with [[The Elevator From Ipanema]] on a few occasions.
 
* [[Loads and Loads of Loading]]: Combined with [[The Elevator From Ipanema]] on a few occasions.
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* [[Machinima]]: One was made in [[Garry's Mod]] for the [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pIRTVkan_jA Game King showcase].
 
* [[Machinima]]: One was made in [[Garry's Mod]] for the [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pIRTVkan_jA Game King showcase].
 
* [[Marshmallow Dream]]: Subverted in his recording on the JVC Marshmallow headset:
 
* [[Marshmallow Dream]]: Subverted in his recording on the JVC Marshmallow headset:
  +
 
{{quote| "Once, I had a dream I was eating a giant marshmallow. When I woke up, my wife was missing and ''everything was covered in blood!"''}}
 
{{quote| "Once, I had a dream I was eating a giant marshmallow. When I woke up, my wife was missing and ''everything was covered in blood!"''}}
 
* [[Mascot with Attitude]]: At one point he said that Chef Excellence's Stay Fresh Cheese Bags sounded like the sign-off of a Nineties mascot — "Stay fresh, cheesebags!"
 
* [[Mascot with Attitude]]: At one point he said that Chef Excellence's Stay Fresh Cheese Bags sounded like the sign-off of a Nineties mascot — "Stay fresh, cheesebags!"
Line 142: Line 149:
 
* [[Missing Episode]]: His ''A-Team'' video game review was taken down due to copyright infringement, but can be found [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yuw0wwo2A1U here] (until THAT video got taken down), but the channel associated with it still has all of the other videos that were formerly on extras.ashens.com.
 
* [[Missing Episode]]: His ''A-Team'' video game review was taken down due to copyright infringement, but can be found [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yuw0wwo2A1U here] (until THAT video got taken down), but the channel associated with it still has all of the other videos that were formerly on extras.ashens.com.
 
** To an extent, The Proxy could count as a trace of this. Each of the descriptions link to its Facebook, Twitter, and Wikipedia pages. However, the Wikipedia page has since been deleted.
 
** To an extent, The Proxy could count as a trace of this. Each of the descriptions link to its Facebook, Twitter, and Wikipedia pages. However, the Wikipedia page has since been deleted.
* [[Most Annoying Sound]]: He's declared this on a number of things. The MIDI files on Guitar Fever. The Game Over noise of Outrun knockoff, which was originally a classic in the original. Also, U2.
+
* [[Most Annoying Sound]]: He's declared this on a number of things. The MIDI files on Guitar Fever. The Game Over noise of Outrun knockoff, which was originally a classic in the original. Also, U2.
 
** A number of Popstations start up with an awful MIDI version of the Ode to Joy, which he has dubbed the "Ode to Pain."
 
** A number of Popstations start up with an awful MIDI version of the Ode to Joy, which he has dubbed the "Ode to Pain."
 
** The R-Zone, despite actually being made by a (somewhat) reputable company in Tiger Electronics, was discovered to have music far more unbearable than any of the Popstations he reviewed. The two ''[[Star Wars]]'' games he tried out were just barely tolerable, but music in the system's version of ''[[Virtua Fighter]]'' was likened to "a giant spider running across a keyboard."
 
** The R-Zone, despite actually being made by a (somewhat) reputable company in Tiger Electronics, was discovered to have music far more unbearable than any of the Popstations he reviewed. The two ''[[Star Wars]]'' games he tried out were just barely tolerable, but music in the system's version of ''[[Virtua Fighter]]'' was likened to "a giant spider running across a keyboard."
 
** The pointless nature noises the [[Shoddy Knockoff Product|iPhone 5G's]] screensaver constantly made.
 
** The pointless nature noises the [[Shoddy Knockoff Product|iPhone 5G's]] screensaver constantly made.
  +
 
{{quote| '''Stuart:''' Have you got a frog in your pocket, or have you bought one of those stupid phones? (later on) '''[[Critical Annoyance|WILL YOU SHUT]]''' '''''[[Critical Annoyance|UP]]'''''?!}}
 
{{quote| '''Stuart:''' Have you got a frog in your pocket, or have you bought one of those stupid phones? (later on) '''[[Critical Annoyance|WILL YOU SHUT]]''' '''''[[Critical Annoyance|UP]]'''''?!}}
* [[Nightmare Retardant]]: He showed 5 examples as he hosts a website showing old trailers. Examples include puppets, a guy in a wetsuit, and a guy wearing a chicken mask.
+
* [[Nightmare Retardant]]: He showed 5 examples as he hosts a website showing old trailers. Examples include puppets, a guy in a wetsuit, and a guy wearing a chicken mask.
 
* [[Noodle Incident]]: "I haven't been this bored since I was trapped in a room with a potato."
 
* [[Noodle Incident]]: "I haven't been this bored since I was trapped in a room with a potato."
 
** "I met a man with a metal ball once..."
 
** "I met a man with a metal ball once..."
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* [[Overly Long Gag]]: The "Charity Video" At the end of the [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D9FFuHQtIiE&list=PL045448E076CF3B69&playnext=1 POP Station Watch 4: Fake PSP v2 Review.]
 
* [[Overly Long Gag]]: The "Charity Video" At the end of the [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D9FFuHQtIiE&list=PL045448E076CF3B69&playnext=1 POP Station Watch 4: Fake PSP v2 Review.]
 
* [[Percussive Maintenance]]: Ashen invokes this, [[Lampshade Hanging|as well as stating the trope name]], trying to get the [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1aCeg-EbOAI Tomy Racing Turbo] to work.
 
* [[Percussive Maintenance]]: Ashen invokes this, [[Lampshade Hanging|as well as stating the trope name]], trying to get the [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1aCeg-EbOAI Tomy Racing Turbo] to work.
* [[Pet Peeve Trope]]: [[Four Point Scale]].
+
* [[Pet Peeve Trope]]: [[Four Point Scale]].
  +
 
{{quote| "Overall, I give [Karting Grand Prix] 73%. Because I'm a fucking idiot."}}
 
{{quote| "Overall, I give [Karting Grand Prix] 73%. Because I'm a fucking idiot."}}
 
* [[Plagiarism]]: A common feature of PopStations is the stolen artwork from other games on the packaging, particularly from ''[[King of Fighters]]'' and ''[[Street Fighter]]''. Most bizarrely, [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V6e6r-NOq5U PopStation Watch 6] rips ''[[Batman and Robin (film)|Batman and Robin]]'' with the most nonsensical [[Blind Idiot Translation]] to date.
 
* [[Plagiarism]]: A common feature of PopStations is the stolen artwork from other games on the packaging, particularly from ''[[King of Fighters]]'' and ''[[Street Fighter]]''. Most bizarrely, [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V6e6r-NOq5U PopStation Watch 6] rips ''[[Batman and Robin (film)|Batman and Robin]]'' with the most nonsensical [[Blind Idiot Translation]] to date.
  +
 
{{quote| (''after hearing the intro to the '''[[Super Mario Bros.]]''' theme in '''Football Ground/[[Blind Idiot Translation|Gbound]] of Legend''''') "Wow, they're even ripping off the music these days." }}
 
{{quote| (''after hearing the intro to the '''[[Super Mario Bros.]]''' theme in '''Football Ground/[[Blind Idiot Translation|Gbound]] of Legend''''') "Wow, they're even ripping off the music these days." }}
 
* [[Precision F-Strike]]: His review of games based on ''[[The A-Team]]'' had him swear a few times. He expressed surprise at viewers' shock at his language, not realizing that this was the first time he did so. He uses profanity slightly more liberally now, but keeps it to a minimum.
 
* [[Precision F-Strike]]: His review of games based on ''[[The A-Team]]'' had him swear a few times. He expressed surprise at viewers' shock at his language, not realizing that this was the first time he did so. He uses profanity slightly more liberally now, but keeps it to a minimum.
 
** He did it again in his Amstrad Penpad review.
 
** He did it again in his Amstrad Penpad review.
 
** And again in the [[Star Wars]] Action Figures episode, albeit on accident after a crappy Darth Vader toy shined a bright LED in his eye. Borders on a [[Atomic F-Bomb]]
 
** And again in the [[Star Wars]] Action Figures episode, albeit on accident after a crappy Darth Vader toy shined a bright LED in his eye. Borders on a [[Atomic F-Bomb]]
  +
 
{{quote| "''ARGH! Fucking...god DAMMIT!''"}}
 
{{quote| "''ARGH! Fucking...god DAMMIT!''"}}
 
** On his new "Extra Ashens" channel, he did this to show his contempt for Peter Popoff.
 
** On his new "Extra Ashens" channel, he did this to show his contempt for Peter Popoff.
  +
 
{{quote| " You astonishingly vile fuck."}}
 
{{quote| " You astonishingly vile fuck."}}
 
** In his headset/headphones review, after reading some incredibly gushy pun-filled stuff on the back of the box of one of them.
 
** In his headset/headphones review, after reading some incredibly gushy pun-filled stuff on the back of the box of one of them.
  +
 
{{quote| " You know what? Fuck you, and fuck your headphones!"}}
 
{{quote| " You know what? Fuck you, and fuck your headphones!"}}
 
** In his "Recording Microscopes" video:
 
** In his "Recording Microscopes" video:
  +
 
{{quote| "Science! I fucking love me some science!"}}
 
{{quote| "Science! I fucking love me some science!"}}
 
* [[Poke the Poodle]]: Ashens does this while checking off a list of tropes on this very page.
 
* [[Poke the Poodle]]: Ashens does this while checking off a list of tropes on this very page.
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* [[Self-Deprecation]]: A very large part of his style. He describes himself as a "Professional idiot" in biography sections of his webpages and social network accounts like Twitter. When pressed for his occupation, he insists he is an internet comedian and never brings up his Ph.D.
 
* [[Self-Deprecation]]: A very large part of his style. He describes himself as a "Professional idiot" in biography sections of his webpages and social network accounts like Twitter. When pressed for his occupation, he insists he is an internet comedian and never brings up his Ph.D.
 
** At the end of his Xbox rip-off review:
 
** At the end of his Xbox rip-off review:
  +
 
{{quote| "''Terrifying thought: You have been watching an idiot talking about a broken toy for over ten minutes.''"}}
 
{{quote| "''Terrifying thought: You have been watching an idiot talking about a broken toy for over ten minutes.''"}}
 
* [[Separated by a Common Language]]:
 
* [[Separated by a Common Language]]:
 
** In one of his Poundland specials, he reflects that Americans say "Legos" rather than "Lego" as the plural:
 
** In one of his Poundland specials, he reflects that Americans say "Legos" rather than "Lego" as the plural:
  +
 
{{quote| '''Ashen''': Maybe that's where the "S" from the end of "Maths" ended up?}}
 
{{quote| '''Ashen''': Maybe that's where the "S" from the end of "Maths" ended up?}}
* [[Shoddy Knockoff Product]]: Mainly POP Stations. So many that the cover of Ashenthology 1 shows Ashen fighting atop a sea of them.
+
* [[Shoddy Knockoff Product]]: Mainly POP Stations. So many that the cover of Ashenthology 1 shows Ashen fighting atop a sea of them.
* [[Shout-Out]]: To fellow youtuber Mike Mozart, at the very end of his Ultra-Cheap Action Figures Review.
+
* [[Shout-Out]]: To fellow youtuber Mike Mozart, at the very end of his Ultra-Cheap Action Figures Review.
 
** [[The Room|"I did not hit her! It's not true! It's bullshit! I did not hit her! I did not!]] [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJXlFcAaSIk ...oh, HaiPad."]
 
** [[The Room|"I did not hit her! It's not true! It's bullshit! I did not hit her! I did not!]] [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJXlFcAaSIk ...oh, HaiPad."]
 
** From his [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B2tVE7qRLwk A88 review]: "Calenda...wasn't that one of the major characters from that old ''[[Akira]]'' manga?"
 
** From his [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B2tVE7qRLwk A88 review]: "Calenda...wasn't that one of the major characters from that old ''[[Akira]]'' manga?"
** He goes over his "[[TV Tropes]] Checklist" at the end of A Christmas Mystery Resolved.{{spoiler|..which had "[[Dude, Not Funny]]"}} [[Self-Deprecation|checked 21 times]] and features the phrase "[[Malensky Trifle]]" checked off as well. To finish it off, he decided to [[Literal Minded|literally]] [[Poke the Poodle]].
+
** He goes over his "[[TV Tropes]] Checklist" at the end of A Christmas Mystery Resolved.{{spoiler|..which had "[[Dude, Not Funny]]"}} [[Self-Deprecation|checked 21 times]] and features the phrase "[[Malensky Trifle]]" checked off as well. To finish it off, he decided to [[Literal Minded|literally]] [[Poke the Poodle]].
 
** To ''[[Mr Benn]]'' in his "3D Colour Games" review. "As if by magic...''ping!''...some Popstations appeared."
 
** To ''[[Mr Benn]]'' in his "3D Colour Games" review. "As if by magic...''ping!''...some Popstations appeared."
 
** In his nanodots review, "[[Insane Clown Posse|Magnets?]] [[Memetic Mutation|How do they work?]] The meme then gets played with when he briefly DOES explain how magnets work.
 
** In his nanodots review, "[[Insane Clown Posse|Magnets?]] [[Memetic Mutation|How do they work?]] The meme then gets played with when he briefly DOES explain how magnets work.
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** His reaction to the completely irrelevant plot synopsis for ''Nightwalk'': "Three words come to mind here: 'What', 'The', and 'Fuck'."
 
** His reaction to the completely irrelevant plot synopsis for ''Nightwalk'': "Three words come to mind here: 'What', 'The', and 'Fuck'."
 
* [[Special Effects Failure]]: [[In-Universe|Pretty much the whole point of his feature]], ''Top 5 Rubbish Movie Monsters''.
 
* [[Special Effects Failure]]: [[In-Universe|Pretty much the whole point of his feature]], ''Top 5 Rubbish Movie Monsters''.
* [[Spit Take]]: In his Easter 2012 special, he eats a "Rieslen Cream Egg" so vile, he ''immediately'' spits it right back out again. He later apologizes for how unprofessional this was, but apparently that egg was ''really'' vile.
+
* [[Spit Take]]: In his Easter 2012 special, he eats a "Rieslen Cream Egg" so vile, he ''immediately'' spits it right back out again. He later apologizes for how unprofessional this was, but apparently that egg was ''really'' vile.
 
* [[Stylistic Suck]]: His mocked-up homemade ''[[Doctor Who]]'' opening.
 
* [[Stylistic Suck]]: His mocked-up homemade ''[[Doctor Who]]'' opening.
  +
 
{{quote| ''"It's hard to believe that introduction cost 8 and a half thousand pounds to make."''}}
 
{{quote| ''"It's hard to believe that introduction cost 8 and a half thousand pounds to make."''}}
 
** The Silver Skull's attempts to make it big in jazz fusion.
 
** The Silver Skull's attempts to make it big in jazz fusion.
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* [[Timed Mission]]: A video where he set himself the task of reviewing 10 items in 10 minutes.
 
* [[Timed Mission]]: A video where he set himself the task of reviewing 10 items in 10 minutes.
 
* [[Uncanny Valley]]: Invoked by name in his review of the PS Vita.
 
* [[Uncanny Valley]]: Invoked by name in his review of the PS Vita.
* [[Unfortunate Implications]]: Attempted aversion. In the "Oriental Fighter" episode of "Terrible Old Games You've Probably Never Heard Of" he points out that the word "oriental" [[Separated by a Common Language|does not bear the same connotations in England as it does in America]].
+
* [[Unfortunate Implications]]: Attempted aversion. In the "Oriental Fighter" episode of "Terrible Old Games You've Probably Never Heard Of" he points out that the word "oriental" [[Separated by a Common Language|does not bear the same connotations in England as it does in America]].
 
** Discussed in his review of [[Thomas the Tank Engine|the fake Thomas The Tank Engine figures]]. See the show's page for more details.
 
** Discussed in his review of [[Thomas the Tank Engine|the fake Thomas The Tank Engine figures]]. See the show's page for more details.
 
* [[Unreliable Narrator]]: [http://homepage.ntlworld.com/ashen1/ashen/menu/build/How_to_Build_a_PC.mp3 The audio version of his no-money computer building guide.]
 
* [[Unreliable Narrator]]: [http://homepage.ntlworld.com/ashen1/ashen/menu/build/How_to_Build_a_PC.mp3 The audio version of his no-money computer building guide.]
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[[Category:Creator]]
 
[[Category:Creator]]
 
[[Category:Pages with comment tags]]
 
[[Category:Pages with comment tags]]
[[Category:That Guy With The Glasses]]
 

Latest revision as of 23:30, April 12, 2020

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File:Ashens.png
Cquote1
"In March 2011, all e-book readers will be recalled after it is discovered that e-books are shit."
Stuart Ashen, Ashen's Tech Dump, "God's Source Code"
Cquote2

Dr. Stuart Ashen (yes, a real doctor; of psychology, no less), or simply Dr. Ashen, is the premier source on YouTube for reviews of Shoddy Knockoff Products — primarily electronics. He also reviews equally horrible retro British games in a series called Terrible Old Games You've Probably Never Heard Of. He has also created two small series of comedy videos for the BBC Comedy Extra website, named Ashen's Tech Dump and Back Space.

He co-starred in the sci-fi webseries/ARG The Proxy, which ran through March 8th-17th, 2012. Unfortunately, the contest aspect, not-so-subtly sponsored by Alienware, was available only for those living in the UK. Regardless, it is available to watch worldwide here.

His site is here, and his YouTube page is here.


The works of Dr. Ashen provide examples of: Edit

Cquote1

 "There should be a Vinnie board game. As soon as you open the box, there will be a slip of paper that kindly informs you that 'YOUR ACTIONS HAVE DAMNED VINNIE'."

Cquote2
    • This inspired him to make up his own rules for a board game:
Cquote1

 "You open the box and it is full of jewelery and nothing else. Ten minutes after opening it the Police knock down your door and accuse you of stealing it during a burglary you know nothing about, which resulted in the death of an old woman. In court they produce all sorts of false evidence and you end up being sentenced to 10 years. Six months into the sentence you wake up at 3am and see Vinnie silently staring at you from outside your cell door. Then it suddenly comes back to you — you DID commit the burglary, and it was you who pushed the old woman down the stairs. Vinnie points at you and screams and screams until you go mad. The winner is the player with the most counters."

Cquote2
  • Arch Enemy: The autofocus. Many, MANY times.
  • Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking: His review of the Chintendo (or "Ken Sing Ton") Vii showed that it was a simplified NES in design with a Wii controller slapped on, 2D Playstation 1-esque graphics, weighed nothing even with a small lump of useless metal inside it, and had cost him financially and mentally very much. His reason for giving it a 0/10? No lanyard.
  • Ascended Meme: After someone did a Gentlementlemen remix of his Retieval Review, he was heard humming it in a later video and put an annotation link to it.
  • Author Vocabulary Calendar: "Sprue," meaning those little pieces of plastic that come off the mold for a toy or something similar. He himself admits he has no idea how he came to know the word.
  • Auto-Tune: His review of LaDiDa has him turn the Auto Tune up as high as possible because of Rule of Funny. Improvised hilarity does indeed ensue.
  • Berserk Button: Lanyards. They set him off because every piece of retro tat comes with one. "They're a waste of the planet. The campaign starts here." Incidentally, his way of getting rid of them seems to be selling them with his DVD.
    • Forms of patronizing marketing also manages to piss Ashen off. He expressed his displeasure at the Flip Video's slogans plastered all over its packaging, and actually refused to properly review a set of Carpenter earbuds due to the pretentious-sounding description on the back of its box, especially with its incredibly lame would/wood pun.
  • Bile Fascination: His claim to fame is a series of video reviews of POP Stations, toys and games, almost all of which are crap. Many of them are donations from viewers.
  • Biting the Hand Humor: During the WLL review, the youtube staff terminate the video when he mocks the partnership program.
  • Blatant Lies: A Running Gag of his. He denotes all sarcastic comments with "...he lied."
    • "<Sarcasm>. Also, I am a crazy liar"
  • Blind Idiot Translation: Nearly every foreign product has manuals filled with this. It's so bad that Dr. Ashen is angry when it doesn't happen. Sometimes even the name is badly translated.
Cquote1

 Ashen: You've probably read the title of this video and thought "Surely there can't be a POP Station called Retieval Mankind's Batman!"

Cquote2
  • The Board Game: He has reviewed several board game adaptations of computer and arcade games.
  • Body Horror: The Fight Club action figures, which have limbs twisted around the wrong way and faces painted on wrongly. Apparently, it can spread.
  • Brick Joke: In Poundland Special 3 (April 2010), he tries to test the Packbuster's claims with a LCD game based on Doctor Who. He also claimed that he will review it later, but it took until December 2011 for it to be reviewed. Turns out it had fallen behind a wardrobe. The post for it on ashens.com also lampshaded its former What Happened to the Mouse? status.
  • Broke the Rating Scale: In playing the Turbo boardgame with Guru Larry, he manages to come in third place... out of two people playing.
  • Buffy-Speak: From his Barcode Battler review after he realised the device needed new batteries.
Cquote1

 "This thing eats batteries like an enormous battery-eating thing."

Cquote2
  • Catapult Nightmare: At the beginning of his "Fortress Guardian" review.
  • Catch Phrase: Occasionally teases about making one up, but always decides against it. Two options were "Stay Fresh, Cheese Bags!" and "Thumbs up to Dingoo!"
    • "Let's see what lurks inside."
    • "Marvellous."
    • "He lied."
    • Early in a review he will make a Captain Obvious comment along the lines of "It's a (thing)" or "It's got a (thing)" in a pained, Dalek-like voice.
    • A skeptical "Hmmmmm" after he reads a line of Blatant Lies product description.
    • "Nought to three sad onions."
    • "I don't know, and you know what? I don't care."
  • Christmas Special: Christmas Tat 1 (2008) and 2 (2009), and the Christmas Specials for 2010 and 2011.
  • Corpsing: In the iPhone 5G review, he dissolves into a fit of uncontrollable laughter after discovering an ancient-style rabbit ear antenna on the phone.
  • Curse Cut Short: Chef Excellence at the end of "An Excellent Newsflash".
  • Cuteness Proximity: Whenever he brings one of his pets onto the show, he tends to act especially cute with them, in a weird way--such as looking for his dog, Oscar ("Where's Oscar-dog? There he is!) so he can poke him, or asking his guinea pig if he's going to going to turn into a god-monster. "Yeees! Are you going to go on a rampage? Yeees!"
  • Creepy Doll: Shows up in the "Poundland Girls' Toys Special". His reaction? Kill It with Fire.
  • Deadpan Snarker: He doesn't hold anything back against the "products" he reviews. Emphasis on the "Deadpan," too, as he's usually extremely calm-voiced during his inferior product reviews.
  • Deconstruction: Realism Fighter, from Episode 2 of Ashen's Tech Dump.
  • Defictionalization: The action figures of him started out as a joke before becoming real for a limited run.
    • Vinnie the Vole's Existensial Nightmare.
  • Drinking Game: Dr. Ashen gives one to the viewer in the description of the Barcode Battler video.
Cquote1

 Ashen: Take a shot every time I say "Right", and "...or something". Alcohol poisoning may ensue.

Cquote2
  • Dropped a Bridge on Him: A mild example. In the end of POP Station Watch 6, Chef Excellence makes an appearance as a puppet and Stuart asks him how he is now that he was replaced on the Stay Fresh line. They parted on sour terms.
  • Dual-Wielding: He destroys a pair of shoddy headphones with dual-wielded hammers.
  • Dude, Not Funny: By his own account, he's invoked this again and again and has been keeping track with a checklist. This is mostly concerning how people didn't get jokes such as his repeated avoidance of copyright infringement (Considering the youtube community's troubled history with copyright), or his appearance on The Node.
  • East Anglia: Ashen is from there and often mentions Norwich in his reviews.
  • Easter Egg: The strange sound during when he supposedly fell asleep during his R-Zone review. By playing it on a spectrogram, it reveals a picture of Noseybonk. Proof here.
    • On his Guitar Fever review, if you record the screech and play it on a ZX spectrum emulator you get a special message! (Volume warning!) SPLINK!
  • Eat That: One of his most popular bits is consuming various dubious edibles on camera, and it's one of his most requested ones as well, since his reactions are generally rather dramatic. Favorites include him eating a giant gummi-candy foot, the terrifying "anti-pizza," and generic boxed wine.
    • His Easter 2012 contains possibly the two extremes of all the "Eat That"s he's ever done: First, there was a "cream egg" so vile, it caused an immediate Spit Take (for which he later apologized, it being rather unprofessional), and a marshmallow bunny that, while it looked horrifying (its eyes were misaligned and it had a random hole in its forehead), he had to admit actually tasted pretty good.
  • Eldritch Abomination: Bort Sompson.
    • Referenced in regards to a Fight Club ripoff action figure whose face has been printed wrongly.
    • Also used when talking about a doll from Poundland. After burning it, of course.
    • He used the term again when talking about the Bridesmaid doll in the second Poundland Girl's Toys Special. He said it went beyond "Eldritch abomination" and into "harbinger of the apocalypse" levels.
  • Eldritch Location: The ice field from the Turbo board game is depicted as such.
  • Epic Fail: His attempts at building a Christmas cracker from a kit set the sofa on fire and reduced him to a gibbering wreck. And that's before he set off all the gunpowder.
  • Even the Rats Won't Touch It: The Stinger for Poundland Food Special shows his dog refusing to touch the "pizza" "snack".
  • Evil Genius: According to Guru Larry and Wez, at least.
  • Evil Laugh: He uses one to let you know that he may phone you.
  • Evolving Credits: His standard intro has big googly eyes appear on his logo as he says a cheery "Hello!" For Poundland specials, instead pound coins appear where his eyes should be and he says 'cheapo!' For "Popstation Watch" a police siren plays while a Popstation orbits his logo's head and the eyes follow it.
    • And then there's the times he's changed it up by replacing the googly eyes with headbanging with heavy metal, a more high-definition version of the popstation watch opening, and CELERY!.
    • The Poundland Food Special has him barfing in addition to his pound coin eyes. Given the nature of the "food" he's about to eat, it's basically foreshadowing what's to come.
    • The 2012 Easter Special replaced "Hello!" with a very unenthusiastic "Easter." It also placed the Easter Bunny into the scene and omitted the googly eyes.
  • Exactly What It Says on the Tin: Terrible Old Games You've Probably Never Heard Of
  • Eye Scream: When reviewing a knock-off Darth Vader action figure with a light-up lightsaber, Ashen accidentally shines the light in his eye when pressing the button before putting in the lightsaber. He does not take it well.
  • Face Palm: His Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen review.
  • Fan Nickname: "Bort Sompson" for the nightmare-inducing Not Bart Simpson from the Huge Screen V2 review.
    • He also comes up with nicknames for all the Doctor Who villains during his review of the Doctor Who LCD Adventure Game.
  • Filk Song: One of the entries to the non-100th video contest was a four-track album called "Recorded Tat", which includes theme songs for City Fighter and BMX Ninja.
  • Follow the Leader: After Dr. Ashen's videos increased in popularity, a number of "Ashens tribute" review videos in his style have appeared throughout YouTube. The video Ultra-Cheap Action Figures Review has a clip of a contributor doing an impression of him included in the end.
    • In a VLOG made by several members of Channel Awesome for Magfest, purely by coincidence they ended up filming themselves in the back of a car while finding bits of plastic tat, holding them in front of the camera and talking about them: they ended up dubbing it "The Ashens Car".
    • It's unknown if it's done intentionally but much of the review format and snark of Yahtzee's Zero Punctuation review series seems quite similar to Terrible Old Games You've Probably Never Heard Of
  • Freudian Slip: Both invoked and lampshaded in his Game King review, upon stating Game Boy games would not work on it.
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 "Oh... I don't know what it is with you people! You're obsessed with sticking things in the wrong slot... hm. Very Freudian."

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    • In his Game.Com review, he accidentally made a Freudian slip whilst reviewing the Batman and Robin game. Damnit! I've given away the ending in a freudian slip!
  • Fun with Acronyms: The company behind some of the Royal Wedding Tat had the unfortunate acronym PMS.
  • Fun with Subtitles: The videos with subtitles sometimes describe his actions pejoratively. MOON MEN
  • Gilligan Cut: After he had opened a package of promotional X-Factor instruments (a whistle, a recorder, and a tambourine), he examines the quality of the instruments, then says "I can't see myself making a musical triptych with these". Cut to exactly that.
  • Harmless Villain: The Silver Skull
  • Hypocritical Humor: After the segment where Harry Partridge does a small review in Ashen's style in the "Ultra-Cheap Action Figures" video.
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 Ashen: People appearing in my own videos, trying to steal my shtick... Bet Mike Mozart doesn't have to put up with this.

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  • Incredibly Lame Pun:
    • As a reference to the La Di Dah iPhone app's autotune effect, as he was saving his recording to share it, he wondered, "Can I send it to Cher"? Very subtle, but terrible, nonetheless.
    • He didn't like jokes with Christmas crackers either.
    • "It looks like a fat Batarang: a Fatarang!"
  • I Need a Freaking Drink / This Is Gonna Suck: After finding out that one of the items he was reviewing was yet another POP Station repackaging, he laments on it:
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 Ashen: Oh, dear... I'm not looking forward to turning this on.

(After getting the packaging over and done with) Right, I'm going to go have a stiff drink or twenty, then I shall return.

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  Ashen: I knew I shouldn't have taken him to see The Artist.

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 "Once, I had a dream I was eating a giant marshmallow. When I woke up, my wife was missing and everything was covered in blood!"

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  • Mascot with Attitude: At one point he said that Chef Excellence's Stay Fresh Cheese Bags sounded like the sign-off of a Nineties mascot — "Stay fresh, cheesebags!"
  • The Mean Brit: Imagine Yahtzee, but about ten times less mean and five times slower. He's certainly not afraid of snarking at all the stupid things the thing he's reviewing got wrong.
  • Medium Awareness: He notes that the Silver Skull is unlikely to make good on his threat to return because "I get bored of recurring characters very quickly".
  • Missing Episode: His A-Team video game review was taken down due to copyright infringement, but can be found here (until THAT video got taken down), but the channel associated with it still has all of the other videos that were formerly on extras.ashens.com.
    • To an extent, The Proxy could count as a trace of this. Each of the descriptions link to its Facebook, Twitter, and Wikipedia pages. However, the Wikipedia page has since been deleted.
  • Most Annoying Sound: He's declared this on a number of things. The MIDI files on Guitar Fever. The Game Over noise of Outrun knockoff, which was originally a classic in the original. Also, U2.
    • A number of Popstations start up with an awful MIDI version of the Ode to Joy, which he has dubbed the "Ode to Pain."
    • The R-Zone, despite actually being made by a (somewhat) reputable company in Tiger Electronics, was discovered to have music far more unbearable than any of the Popstations he reviewed. The two Star Wars games he tried out were just barely tolerable, but music in the system's version of Virtua Fighter was likened to "a giant spider running across a keyboard."
    • The pointless nature noises the iPhone 5G's screensaver constantly made.
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  Stuart: Have you got a frog in your pocket, or have you bought one of those stupid phones? (later on) WILL YOU SHUT UP?!

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 "Overall, I give [Karting Grand Prix] 73%. Because I'm a fucking idiot."

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 (after hearing the intro to the Super Mario Bros. theme in Football Ground/Gbound of Legend) "Wow, they're even ripping off the music these days."

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  • Precision F-Strike: His review of games based on The A-Team had him swear a few times. He expressed surprise at viewers' shock at his language, not realizing that this was the first time he did so. He uses profanity slightly more liberally now, but keeps it to a minimum.
    • He did it again in his Amstrad Penpad review.
    • And again in the Star Wars Action Figures episode, albeit on accident after a crappy Darth Vader toy shined a bright LED in his eye. Borders on a Atomic F-Bomb
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 "ARGH! Fucking...god DAMMIT!"

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    • On his new "Extra Ashens" channel, he did this to show his contempt for Peter Popoff.
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 " You astonishingly vile fuck."

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    • In his headset/headphones review, after reading some incredibly gushy pun-filled stuff on the back of the box of one of them.
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 " You know what? Fuck you, and fuck your headphones!"

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    • In his "Recording Microscopes" video:
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 "Science! I fucking love me some science!"

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  • Poke the Poodle: Ashens does this while checking off a list of tropes on this very page.
  • Poorly-Disguised Pilot: The Illegal Activity Special.
  • Reality Warper: His helmet in the second quickest game overs video.
  • Recursive Reality: At Jurnet's Bar in Norwich, if you remove one of the bricks in a wall, you'll see a figure of a guy removing a brick from a smaller version of the same wall.
  • Retraux: His 75,000-subscriber milestone video is a repost of his very first video review.
  • Rewriting Reality: Dr. Ashen meets the man who cracked the Source Code of the Universe in Episode 1 of Tech Dump. Depressingly though, the man was obsessed with spontaneously creating Booty Parties out of thin air.
  • Running Gag: "Realistic color and sound effect. Just the one. Running Joke." He claimed that he was going to stop using it in Pop Station Watch 5, but it unexpectedly came back in his PCP Station review
    • You could say that was an outright lie to begin with, because it gets used again in POP Station Watch 9.
    • He also refers to the "Children Under 3 Should not play with this" logo as the "Sad Onion".
    • He always mentions how the Street Fighter games that come with all of the POP Station variants consist of men ripping their own arms off and throwing them at each other.
    • Argh! Jump Cut!
    • "[sarcastic comment], he lied."
    • His battle with the auto focus.
    • A less frequent one: smiling and clicking his teeth together whenever his reflection shows on the screen of the tat he's reviewing.
    • In his "Terrible Old Games You've Probably Never Heard Of" segment, describing the modern fate of the companies that made the games as "A FITTING PUNISHMENT!"
    • Potatoes seem to come up an awful lot.
  • Schedule Slip: Ashen's Tech Dump Episode 4 was released seven months after the previous one.
  • Self-Deprecation: A very large part of his style. He describes himself as a "Professional idiot" in biography sections of his webpages and social network accounts like Twitter. When pressed for his occupation, he insists he is an internet comedian and never brings up his Ph.D.
    • At the end of his Xbox rip-off review:
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 "Terrifying thought: You have been watching an idiot talking about a broken toy for over ten minutes."

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 Ashen: Maybe that's where the "S" from the end of "Maths" ended up?

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 "It's hard to believe that introduction cost 8 and a half thousand pounds to make."

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YOU HAVE SHOWN THESE HUMANS TOO MUCH

Notes

  1. really, it's just 30 minutes of zooming
  2. said before preparing a made-in-China instant cupcake from Poundland.
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