Starkits Prophecy

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For the record, nothing as down-to-earth as StarKit's face emerging from a circle in the sky happens in this fanfiction.

"And he held out... SOME JEW!"

StarKits Prophcy (also found at its rehost, created after the fic was originally deleted from Fanfiction.net) is a now-completed Warrior Cats Fanfic that chronicles the life of StarGleam, StarClan's chosen one, from her apprentice ceremony onward. She deals with such trials and tribulations as a Love Dodecahedron with Firestar, Graystripe, Blackstar, Hawkfrost, and Ashfur; the threat of Hollyleaf and Tigerstar as they try to take over the forest; and attempting to convert the Clans to Christianity. Somewhere along the way she discovers that she (along with the author) is a lesbian, becomes leader of ThunderClan, and dies multiple times.

It is a full-on Random Events Plot. If you really feel you must attempt to make sense of it, go ahead and read it yourself -- but be warned, you may lose brain cells in the process.

Three amusing dramatic readings have surfaced so far. They can be found here (continued here), here, and here.

Arguably the Warriors equivalent of My Immortal. See also Hidden Prophices.

The author has also started a sequel, titled Starkits Prophecy 2 The Two Siblings. A new Clan called MapleClan is introduced. Stargleam and some other characters from the first fic are in StarClan, and they receive a new prophecy to pass on to the Clans.

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This fanfic contains examples of:

• Anatomically-Impossible Sex: Somehow, StarGleam has become PREGGANT by the also-female JazzSong. JazzSong even points out that this shouldn't be possible, but it's still not explained.
• Ask a Stupid Question: After experiencing her own death, StarGleam needs to ask how she died. And then almost immediately afterwards has to ask if she is dead again.
  • '"who is StarGlaem" asked StarGleam'
• Author Filibuster: Screw the plot, using two whole chapters to teach the Clans about how important it is to find StarClan (i.e. God) is much more important.
  • The author also goes out of her way to remind us that GleamStar and HawkFrost don't have sex before getting married.
  • It strays into straight Author Tract for a while, as for a long period of time the story is more about how "wrong" it is to be gay than any consistant plot element.
• Aw, Look -- They Really Do Love Each Other: StarGleam and JazzStar in the finale.
• Badass Preacher: StarGleam: "ACCEPT JESUS MOTHERFUCKERS!"
• Back From the Dead: StarGleam (twice), AshFir, and all the cats listed under Unexplained Recovery.
  • Although Tigerstar and Hawkfrost are both dead in canon, they both seem to be alive for the purposes of this fic.
• Because Destiny Says So: Apparently, StarGleamStar has to become evil because "its my destinty I no that now."
  • When StarGleam begs FluffyKit not to die, he has this to say: "'I have tos tarGleam its my detsinty.'"
• Beginner's Luck: Chapter three, in which Firestar praises Starpaw with words of wisdom: "The last cat i new that culd fiht lik that was SandStrom. Your a good fihter"
• Beige Prose: Especially early in the story.... "The cats gathered around a pool. They all looked into it eagerly. A dark shape appeared on the surface. A blue she cat looked up. Her eyes were bright."
• Big OMG: "OMIGOSH U MEAN LIKE SCOURG?" STARPAW SHOCKED.
• Big Word Shout: There's one on nearly every page.
• Big Yes: "YESSSASSSSS"
• Black Comedy Rape: BlackStar's "MOLE STRAEP" of StarPaw in chapter five comes across this way unintentionally.
• Broken Aesop: Apparently, being "unfateful to our mat" is okay as long as it's StarGleam doing it.
• Cain and Abel: TigerKit and FluffyKit.
• CamelCase: In the original series, the "Clan" in ThunderClan is always capitalized, whereas the suffixes of the names never are. This fanfic inverts that, other than the occasional mistake which corrects the original mistake.
• Captain Obvious: "You see there is this prophcy Starcaln gave me it said out of the darkness, stars will come and get rid of the evil tiger and holly." StarPaw gasped. "What does it mean?"
• Cargo Ship: In-Universe. Jayfeather mentions being in love with a stick, meaning the author has decided to make Jay×Stick canon. This is probably the only Canon Defilement that most fans won't object to, since a lot of them already ship him and the stick anyway.
  • After al this tim she finds out that her fathe loved a sTICK. SHE GAPD IN SHOC.
• Cast From Hit Points: StarGleam's final attack on the villains.
• Chest Burster: StarGleam gives birth to kits through a "BRAKE in her stomchi", with hefty doses of You Fail Biology Forever.
  • This is taken up a notch in the Christmas Special, where the birth of Starkit is shown. The scene plays out exactly like the birth of Jesus. This quote from the chapter says it all: "This is our savor." said Bluesatr. "We know it. We sae t in the stars. Starkit will ne JESUSS!1!1!1!11"
• Clueless Aesop: The author's attempts to teach us that BENG GAY!f is wrong. And the evangelism.
• Comically Missing the Point: 'Also im not a torll!1 ppl tell me Im ver petty!'
  • Also in 'Chatper Forr GayStripe'

"OMIGOSH U MEAN LIKE SCOURG?" STARPAW SHOCKED. 'No ur much prtter then sourg' said Graystripe

• Conflict Ball: Three toms decide they want StarPaw for themselves, leaving StarPaw upset and indecisive about which one to like.
  • Now with the added conflict that she seems to be in love with Hawkfrost and she doesn't want to be (even though she seems perfectly fine with other cats WHO ALREADY HAVE MATES liking her...)
    • But this gets resolved when she just becomes Hawkfrost's mate anyway, without any complaints at all.
  • Now Ashfur is after her, too.
• Crack Fic
• Crossover: Given the geographical and species barriers, the HoBare may be the closest we'll get to having a Warrior Cats/Seekers crossover.
• Curb Stomp Battle: Every single "fight" consists of one character running towards another character, and the other character dying.
  • The final chapter when StarGleam destroys all evil with Frickin' Laser Beams
• Dear Negative Reader: Nearly every chapter.

flamrs ur all satanits!11 anyon who dosent like the stro is a staneist cause StarGIPaw has such a strng conecton with sTarcaln and thats why you dot like it, its cause u do ntlik JEZUS!

• Death Is Cheap: So far, every single character who has died has come back (with or without explanation).
  • Until the last chapter.
• Department of Redundancy Department: '"Gasped" gasped everyone.'
  • And '"Today is important today."'
  • 'Then they were in the Fark Forest. It was dark. Here was no mono 2 lighte the way and it wass heard to see.'
  • 'Her reinbow eyes where glowed lick skys after rani' (Translation: Her rainbow eyes glowed like a rainbow)
  • 'it hert StarFleam! It hurt.'
  • 'StarPaw wondered threw the forst madly. She was anger.y.'
  • "She turned in…. A BARE!" One sentence later: "It was a bare!"
  • "'Hi she said.' 'Hi.' He said. 'Hi.' She rippled."
  • "GASP" GASPED THE ENTER CALN."
  • 'StarGlema the puprle cat / Was a vrey purpel cat'
  • At least one chapter has several lines of dialogue written twice in a row, word for word.
• Diabolus Ex Machina: TigerStar and Hollyleaf suddenly show up at the end of GlaemStar's leadership ceremony and start causing trouble, until...
  • Deus Ex Machina: A supposedly Heel Face Turned HawkFrost comes out of nowhere and stops them instantly.
• Don't Like, Don't Read: "OKKAY IF you dont LIKE thestor y you dont have to readit u know."
• Dramatic Ellipsis: Frequently used, in much the same vein as My Immortal.
• Dramatic Reading: All of which are Troper Works.
• Dramatis Personae: The "Alliances" prologue.
• Dull Surprise: After informing StarGleam of BlackStar's "swisscide" and observing her shocked reaction, all FireStar can say in response is...

FierStart: i know rite.

• Emphasize Everything: If the author can find an excuse to use capslock, she will.
• Everyone Is Gay: Seems to be headed in this direction since the author's Suddenly Sexuality realization.
• Everything's Better with Cows: MOOOOOOOOO!
• Everything's Better with Sparkles: GleamStar's "checks" are very sparkly.
  • "'I HAVE KITS SILVERSDREAM! IKTS!11!1' SPARKLED STARGLEAM."
• Everything's Worse with Bears: Hollyleaf "turned in…. A BARE!"
• Fan Art:
  • It has two fan-made covers.
  • And these three drawings.
  • Some Stargleam portraits.
  • Stargleam during the final battle.
  • "I'M LIKE SCOURG???"
  • A glittery banner.
• Fan Disservice: The author tries to make all of the same-sex kisses into this. It doesn't work.
  • Given that the gay and lesbian characters come off as a lot more generous, kind, and reasonable than the hero, the failure here was basically a foregone conclusion.
• Fandom Specific Plot: A new kit is born into ThunderClan, there's a prophecy by StarClan proclaiming she will save the forest, and she becomes leader. What makes this one special is its hilariously bad execution and extreme Writer on Board tendencies.
• Fan Nickname: All the various misspellings of characters' names and words from the series.
• Flat What: '"Yo couldt kill im becas u're nut dead." "what" said StarGleam'
  • "'what.' said TigerKit hi shocked."
• Foe Yay: In the middle of a fight, HawkFrost and AshKit suddenly start to "mack our".
• Freudian Slip: Several. Highlights include 'GayStrip locked at hr meanly.', '"without them we wold be lust."', '"NO!" shitted SarPaw Again runnin into the forst.', '"IM A SHAPSHITTER!" siad Hollylea joyly.', 'Wit a rar like an volcano erection she jumped at StarGlaem!' and 'StarGleam shitting her paws', "They all new infancy it was she whom was beng mad a warrior".
• Gayngst: StarGleam has a moment of Teh Gay when she thinks RedPaw is beautiful. She does, however, quickly re-convince herself that she is "street."
  • And now RedPaw and LakePool feel sad because they aren't allowed to be in love... d'awww.
  • Also becomes in inversion, since all of the gay and lesbian couples are perfectly happy; it's StraPaw that constantly wangsts at the fact that they're gay.
• Giftedly Bad: The author, xdark.rosesx. It's a wonder she managed to spell her username correctly.
  • Even that's questionable, as on the official Warrior Cats forum, where she has made one or two posts, her handle is "xdarkrosesx"; perhaps the period was a mistake.
• Girl-On-Girl Is Hot: Inverted as much as physically possible to justify the author's homophobia.
  • ... Until later.
• Glowing Eyes of Doom: In Chapter 45, GleamStar's eyes begin to glow when she gets "ANGNRY."
• Gosh Dang It to Heck: In the author's note at the end of chapter 17, the author berates all bad reviewers for not believing in "Gosh".
• Gratuitous French:
  • '"StarPaw noooooooooooooooooooooo!1111!11111!1!11!111!" je yowle.' (Or rather, "Je yowlai", assuming "Yowler" is even a verb in the first place.)
  • '"You're never get moi to ete it!"'
  • FlamePaw becomes LaFlamePaw when he pulls a Big Damn Heroes.
• Gratuitous German: ThunderClan is once referred to as Donderclan.
  • In Chatper 45 THE DEATH nd berayal, StarGleam is once referred to as SternGleam.
  • Chapter NEIN is probably unintentional.
• Gratuitous Japanese: Both Firestar and Hawkfrost think StarPaw is "kawaii". Of course, since the characters aren't actually speaking English in the first place, and all the other languages seen are those of other animals which are simply rendered as barking/growling/whatever noise said animal makes, one could assume this is roughly the equivalent of a cat mooing.
  • StarGleam actually does moo once thanks to a combination of Big No and Rouge Angles of Satin.
  • StarGleam seems to get referred to as "Kawaii" more and more as the fic goes on.
  • Hawkfrost once elects to use "iie" rather than "no."
    • And there's StarGleam's "IIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE !1!" from Chapter 30.
  • Hawkfrost is occasionally referred to with Japanese Honorifics, as "Hacky-kin" or "Hawkfrost-kun". Also, two of the chapter intros have the author calling one of her friends "jazzie-kun".
  • "'do you want to fo huntibg with me desu ka?'"
• Has Two Mommies: Fluffykit, Firekit, Tigerkit.
• Heel Face Turn: Hawkfrost has been turned good by StarGleam's kawaii-ness.
  • Many readers also find the author, and by extension, StarGleam more sympathetic after she stops being a "homophone".
• The Hero Dies
• Heroic Sacrifice: Several.
• Hide Your Gays: "The elfenth commonment is NO BEING GAY!11"
• Homosexual Reproduction: Jazzsong and Stargleam.
  • Also counts as G-Rated Sex, as it appears that the characters hadn't had any kind of opportunity to engage in intercourse (even if that would somehow get them pregnant).
• Incest Is Relative: Firestar is StarGleam's great grandfather. Squick.
• It's Personal: Stargleam, when Tigerstar kills Fluffykit.
• Killed Off for Real: FluffyKit and StarGleam in the last chapter.
• Lame Comeback: "YEAH WELL YOUR GAY!11111!"
• Large Ham: The author herself seems very fond of capslock.
• Let's See You Do Better: "i bet u cant right such a good story!1!1"
• Leaning on the Fourth Wall: StarPaw mentions that she has discovered SLASH, meaning that she has apparently gone around reading other fan fics.
• May-December Romance: StarGleam and Firestar, Blackstar, or Graystripe; any one of those would be this. Also Hollyleaf and Tigerstar.
• Mind Screw: And how.
• Moment Killer: Hollyleaf, when StarGleam is about to confess her love for Firestar.
• OC: Many of them.
• Once Upon a Time: Jayfeather's epic in Chapter Six.
  • "Onceu pon a tiem there were afew cats that i licked." Squick.
• One Bullstar Limit: After BleuStar's death she turns into BullStar. So does BlackStar after his "swisscide."
• One-Man Army: In 'Chapeter thee the Batle With ShadwoCaln!', StarPaw and JazzPaw see Blackstar!1!111
  • "Shadowclan are attaking!" She yelled. All the cats came out from there dens. She jumped on a cat and clawd him and he ran of.
• One-Scene Wonder / Heroic Sacrifice: BubbleFur (or "Bublesfor").
• Our Hero Is Dead: At the end of "Cahepter 11" (formerly "Cahpter 12"), "STARGLEAM WAS DIED!11!111!11111!1!11!"
• Out of Character
• Overly Long Name: FoxDaisyPaw
• Perfectly Cromulent Word: 'she was so foncusded!'
  • '...StarG;eam was kawai when she was mad her eyes robbled.'
    • Robble robble robble!
  • 'She was one of the barviest cats the hades ever seen.'
• Plot Tumor: What little plot there ever was has been swallowed by the author's need to tell us that homosexuality is bad.
  • Romantic Plot Tumor: For a few chapters early on, the main focus of the "story" was on the Love Dodecahedron between StarGleam and... everyone else.
• Poe's Law
• Point of View: Is usually told in third person, but spontaneously switches to first for two sentences in Chapter 25 The Ask Qestion.
• Precision F-Strike: "ACCEPT JESUS MOTHERFUCKERS!" This also the only time in the entire fic that the word "Jesus" is spelled correctly, as well as the only time the F-word or any swear words are even used intentionally.
• Protagonist-Centered Morality: The author apparently believes that the laws of morality change to suit her needs. Up until Chapter 28: NO BEING GAY and "being lesbna is WONG!" Chapter 28: she discovers that she is a lesbian (by reading Slash). Chapter 30: "JUSES MIGHT LIKE GAT PPPL NOW BUT THAT DOENT MEAN EH LIKKS FLAMMERS". Please, God, let it be a Troll Fic...
• Purple Prose: Scarringly. Somehow it manages to be this and Beige Prose at the same time.

"'noooooo' said GleamStart. She was greif. Teras falled down her sparkling grey checks. The shoned like the sun on her spakling checks. Her reinbow eyes where glowed lick skys after rani.. It was beutifly thohth HawkForts."

• • "Hw was too tired Starlgema roped her claws down his nicke her esyes robbling!11 She was so beutufl in btale thought. Hr bleu fur shone in the moanlight!1 her eyes burned with NGR. She was one of the barviest cats the hades ever seen."
• Random Events Plot
• Rape as Drama: BlackStar's "MOLE STRAEP" of StarPaw is treated as this.
• Real Life Writes the Plot: Especially in the later chapters.
• Recycled in Space: For some ungodly reason, xdark.rosesx, as a special Christmas treat, posted the lyrics of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer as chapter thirty-nine...but it's called "STAREGLAEM THE PRUPEL CAT!1111!"
• Reincarnation: StarGleam is "riencarted" after being struck by lightning.
• Retcon: "BENG GAY!f" suddenly stops being a sin in Chapter 28.
• Rouge Angles of Satin: All the time, from the chapter titles to the character names and everything in between.
  • Notable examples are how "Hollylea" is now a "SHAPSHITTER" who can turn into a "bare", and when "TiggerStraw" tries to kill "FuhrStar" with "SOME JEW!"
  • There is even one instance of "satan" becoming "satin".
    • Don't forget, people who flame the story are "stnits" who don't believe in "ljess".
      • Ljess?
    • As far as misspellings related to the author's religious fanaticism go, on her profile she says she hates Cloudtail and Mothwing because they're "athletes".
  • Bizarrely averted with the word "rogue" itself, which is actually spelled right. Of course, considering the nature of the fic, this could, in the author's mind, actually be a spelling error.
    • In fact, it's the only word that she can consistantly spell correctly.
  • In Chapter Sixteen, the Moonpool mysteriously changes to the 'MoonSnot'.
  • StarKit tells RedPaw and LakePaw to stop being "plebians".
  • Chapter 27 the Mameries has a literal example, Satinclan.
    • Hell, the chapter's title itself is an example of this Trope...
    • Let's not forget chapter 21, The Purtle, chapter 22, LEBIANS 1 111, and chapter 39, VRY IMPOTENT MASSAGE.
  • In one of the most WTF-inducing instances of this, NightRain changes from NightStorm to RAINspolash.
• Rule of Drama: The only reason anything happens in this story.
• Satan: In the form of SatinClaw.
• Saying Sound Effects Out Loud: '"Gasped" gasped everyone.'
  • '"gigle" he said'
• Say My Name: "FLAMEAPWWW!" "Fuhrstar!" "LIonHEAR!" And so on.
• Self-Fulfilling Prophecy: The prophecy oddly turns out to be this because "Tiger" was referring to Tigerkit, who wouldn't have been born without Glamestar, even though Tigerstar himself was also to blame for the trouble.
• Big No: The first one debuts in chapter 12, and they get more and more frequent until there's one or more per chapter.
  • There is also a Big Moo, and a Big "~!11!11!1!1!11!1!11!1!1!1!11!1!1!11!111111".
  • What do you get when you combine Gratuitous Japanese with Big No? "IIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE !1!"
• Series Continuity Error: Too many to name.
• Sex Is Violence: One can only assume that Hawkfrost and Ashfur's makeout session was a result of this.
• Shallow Love Interest: All of GleamStar's love interests.
• Shout-Out: Maybe--"What are you inncolent fools doing?" said HawkFrost.
  • Another possible My Immortal Shout-Out: "Time" is misspelled as "TIM" in CHAPTER 34.
  • "your ripping me apart tugerkit"
• Spoiler: At the end of Chatper Forr GayStripe, Graystripe asks StarGleam who she picks. Starpaw doesn't get her warrior name until chapter 9.
• Stealth Parody: We can only hope it's a parody of bad fanfiction...
• Suddenly Sexuality: The author suddenly decides that she is a plebian in an author's note in Chapter 28.
• The Chessmaster: Soul, who was behind everything. Possibly supposed to be Sol.
• Third Person Person: Just a moment (unless this is No Punctuation Period moment?)

"OMG A FEW DAYS SAID STARGLEMA HOW DID SHE NOT NKNOW THIS,. SHE SAID.

• This Is for Emphasis, Bitch: "ACCEPT JESUS MOTHERFUCKERS!" Doesn't use the word "bitch," but it still counts.
• This Is Sparta: "YOU! CANT! BE! GAY!"
• Title Drop: "STARKITS PROPHCY WAS ABOUT TO COME TRUE!"
• Troll Fic: Hopefully.
• Up to Eleven:
  • The spelling is actually worse than that of My Immortal.
  • The Christmas special took the religious symbolism to an new level when it flat out called StarKit Jesus.
• The Unfavorite: StarGleam's third kit, FireKit, has been mentioned a grand total of twice.
• Unexplained Recovery: Jayfeather, RedPaw, LakePool, FlamePelt, Lionblaze, and TigerStar all die and show up again for no apparent reason.
• Unfortunate Names: ToadRibbit, BumbleFlower, FoxHeart, and FoxDaisyPaw.
• Unusual Chapter Numbers: The chapters are ordered "oen", "to", three, three, "For", five, six, "Ate", "NEIN", ten, 11, 12, 13, "Fortene", "Fiften", sixteen, 17, "Eitheen", 19, 19, 20, 21, "NextChapter", 23, 22, 25, 27, 27, 28, 30, 31, 23, 24, thirty-two, 333, 34, 34, un-numbered Christmas Special, "Fourty," 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, "47 EPILOUGE."
  • After the fic was originally removed from Fanfiction.net, the early chapters were renumbered "oen", "too", "thee", four, "Forr", "Fivee", six, "Sven", seven, "Nien", ten, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, "Eithen", "Ninten", then continuing as before from "Chapter 19 The Nwe Love" (which is actually the 20th chapter excluding the prologue).
• Wanton Cruelty to the Common Comma
• World of Ham: Everyone is fond of shouting things at the top of their lungs.
• Writer on Board
• Writers Cannot Do Math: Not only are there eleven "Ten Commons", the way they're counted in Chapter Fortene are: 1, 2, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 10, 11.
  • The chapter numbers.
• Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe: '"I nedd you to take a patrole tothe Sadowclaw boulder,"
  • '"HE WAS MY BORTHERS FATHER I WILL AVENGE THOU."'
• You Can't Fight Fate: "You cant fihtg feat." Or so Stargleam thinks.
• You Keep Using That Word
• You Killed My Father Prepare to Die: After Hollyleaf kills JayFeather in one shot by simply staring at him, StarGleam pounces at Holly, misses, and takes out TigerStar instead. StarGleam is sad for about two chapters, but then forgets the whole thing entirely when JayFeather returns with no given explanation.