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Well, it's me Wesley again. I didn't get to save the whole ship this week, but I did get a girlfriend, so it's all good. Well, mostly. She kind of turned out to be a monster. Still, I'm not in the mood to write any poetry about warp cores today. Try not to be too disappointed.
Her name is Salia. Of course, you probably know this already seeing how I've written "Wesley + Salia" all over you. I first saw her when she was being led through the Enterprise. Our eyes found each other and then SHE TALKED TO ME! She said some stuff, but who cares what it was, SHE WAS TALKING TO ME! But then her governess made her go, so I asked Riker who she was. He said she was a princess and way out of my league, so I went back to my quarters to cry for awhile. Then I decided to call Data in to ask him what he knew about the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. He said she was an orphan who was raised away from her planet by her governess and now we're taking her back because she's old enough to rule. At this point, I was getting really depressed about not having a shot with the most amazing female being in the universe, but Geordi called me to Engineering, so I had to go. He got really mad at me for being slightly dazed, so I told him about Salia. Geordi said I was in love with her and should go see her. As if! What does he know about love? He knows NOTHING about my feelings for Salia. No one has EVER felt this way about a girl in ALL OF HUMAN HISTORY.
Anyway, I decided to go see Salia anyway, but Geordi wouldn't give me any advice on how to use HIS IDEA. So I asked Worf and Data for advice, but they were useless. I went to Riker and he demonstrated how to flirt using Guinan, but even I could tell they were using the cheesiest lines imaginable on each other. I told them this wasn't my style, but they just told me to shut up. No one ever pays enough attention to me! Finally, I just gave up and went to Salia's quarters. And then the most exquisite feminine goddess in the cosmos SMILED AT ME. Wow, I guess I must just be that appealing to women without even doing anything! She asked me how to USE A REPLICATOR! As I showed her, I knew we were really getting serious. She told me that her governess Anya is really overprotective. She's kept her cooped up all her life and now doesn't even want her to leave her quarters on the Enterprise. Wow, and I thought Captain Picard was bad being reluctant to let me pilot the whole ship at age fifteen. Our date went somewhat like this:
Wesley: I can show you the galaxy. Shining, shimmering, splendid. Tell me, Princess, now when did you last let your heart decide? I can open your eyes, take you wonder by wonder. Onto planets and asteroids inside the Holodeck. A whole new world. A new fantastic point of view. No one to tell us "no" or where to go or say we're only dreaming.
Salia: A whole new world. A dazzling place I never knew. But when I'm way up here, it's crystal clear that now I'm in a whole new world with you.
Then I took her to Ten Forward and SHE BASICALLY SAID THAT SHE WAS IN LOVE WITH ME! Just as I was thinking about marrying her -- oh, and having sex -- she told me that she wouldn't get to do ANYTHING when she got to her planet. I told her she could stay on the Enterprise instead, but it made her get upset and run out of the room. Girls are so confusing, but I figured out I was supposed to follow her completely without Guinan's help. Just as I was starting to get somewhere with her, Picard, Anya, and a couple yellow shirts came along to break us up! It was so unfair! Then Picard talked to me in his ready room and he was SO MEAN! He explained that Anya was a shapeshifter who would endanger the whole ship if anyone got close to Salia, so he ordered me to stay away from her. I agreed and went back to my quarters to cry some more and write poetry about her perfect female hair of femaleness. I also did about the closest thing I could ever do to having sex with her. But then Salia stopped by my quarters, fortunately after I'd put my pants back on. She explained that she snuck out and WE TALKED SOME MORE! And then SHE KISSED ME! ON THE LIPS!
Just as I was thinking we might get married after all, Anya entered the room in the form of a big hairy monster. I SO hate her! But then Salia turned into a big hairy monster too! So you can see why I'm a little confused now, diary. But overall, I think I still like her, though mainly when she's in human form. Later Salia came by my quarters to say goodbye and we had a bit of a fight. But then I though about the great love we shared and I went to properly say goodbye to her before she beamed down. She told me to leave because she wanted me to remember her in her human form, but I stayed. I don't know why she was so embarrassed about her true form because it turned out she was a beautiful energy being. That said, I don't want to marry her anymore. Well... maybe if she asked. Later I told Guinan that I would never feel the same way about anyone else and SHE ACTUALLY AGREED WITH ME. Wow, she's cool. For an adult, anyway.
Well, that's all, diary. I guess I'll be back to writing poems about dilithium crystals tomorrow.