Shave and a Haircut

File:Shaveandahaircut 4894.jpg

Two bits!

Probably the most infamous seven beats of music in the modern world, or at least high on the list, this lick appears everywhere. In music, it's a sting to end a piece; in other media, it appears in a joke and/or as a recognition signature, usually a knock--the first person taps out "shave-and-a-hair-cut," and waits for the "two bits" response.

While the rhythm is flexible, and the words change, it's always the same tune.

Examples of Shave and a Haircut include:

Anime & Manga

• In "Is It A Break?" from the Azumanga Daioh soundtrack, the "shave and a haircut" melody can be heard at about 55 seconds in.

Film

• Used in classic style in Who Framed Roger Rabbit??, complete with the demonstration that an animated character must, simply must, complete the line if "two bits" is omitted.
• West Side Story: "Gee Of-fi-cer Krup-ke, Krup You!"
• Several Three Stooges short subject films have them. Usually a stooge (usually Curly) would tap something (usually a wall) and get a response from whatever is on the other side (usually some kind of monster). They would mirror it perfectly until the "shave and a haircut" part was tapped out. A delay, a "nyuk nyuk", a "two bits" response, and you know the rest.
• Ace Ventura used this in the Animated Adaptation: He suspects he's being followed and does the "Shave and Haircut" on his car, since the other car responded with the two bits, he knows he's being followed.
• Del Griffith clears his throat to this tune in Planes, Trains and Automobiles.
• Used in Ferris Buellers Day Off when a florist delivers flowers to Ferris's house, where Mr. Rooney is. The florist honks the "shave and a haircut" but. Mr. Rooney flips the bird in lieu of the 'two bits'.
• This tune shows up in You've Got Mail at the end of the scene where Joe and Kathleen meet (physically) for the first time.
• In the scene in Forrest Gump where Forrest goes on Captain Kangaroo, Forrest has recently played ping-pong in China. As Forrest enters the studio, the (in-movie) band plays a jingle starting with an asian-sounding tune and ending with Shave and a haircut.
• In a scene in Spy Kids, Juni accidentally handcuffs himself to a metal lunchbox. He walks away from Carmen, trying to shake it off, and the soundtrack drum plays "Shave and a Haircut". Juni responds with "two bits" by smashing the lunchbox into the wall, and the lunchbox rebounds and slams into his head.
• Used in What's Eating Gilbert Grape, when Gilbert has to lure Arnie down from the water tower: "Match in the gas tank, boom boom!"

Literature

• Known on Discworld as "Shave and a haircut, no legs" being the jingle of the Guild of Barber Surgeons.
  • Used as a secret knock ("The Hairdressers Barber-Surgeon's Knock") in Making Money.
    • And naturally, at the start of the Music With Rocks In story Soul Music, "Shave and a haircut, two pence" is the very first thing the drummer plays.

Lias: Shave and haircut good deal for two pence.

• According to John McCain's autobiography, Vietnamese people are incapable of tapping out Shave and a Haircut, and he and other American POWs would use it to hail each other through walls.
  • It's not so much that they were incapable, but that they were unfamiliar with the Western ditty. One POW would tape "shave and a haircut", and the other would answer with "two bits". If the answer was "shave and a haircut" repeated back to him, the POW would know it was actually his captor trying to get information.
• Shows up in a couple of The Dresden Files novels. The first time it appears, Harry uses the words "six bits!" as the punchline - perhaps he learned of the gag from the Michelle Shocked example below in Music? Regardless, someone must have corrected him, as in a later book he uses the more common "two bits" version.

Live Action Television

• Most Muppet sketches on Sesame Street have these.
  • The Muppets Tonight version of the "Mana-mana" sketch (where the pink... things have been appearing whenever Kermit says "phenomena") ends with Sandra Bullock's psychiatrist character saying "you should see what happens whenever I say "Shave and a haircut"... Cue a giant furry monster appearing out of nowhere, lounged across her desk: "Two bits!"
• A non-humorous, punny example was used on an episode of Tales from the Crypt: after the Cryptkeeper, dressed as a barber, snips someone's ear off, we hear the victim scream. The Cryptkeeper then holds up the severed ear, sings this and laughs.
• Mexican viewers are usually amused by its use on American TV, because the Shave and a Haircut in Mexico means "fuck your mother, asshole".
  • This has turned into an American Urban Legend which says that if you honk the tune on your horn in a Mexican neighborhood, you'll likely be shot dead.
• Argentinian comic Carlos "Carlitos" Balá had this in his TV sketches as his signature greeting or knocking, using it each time he could. The first part, if not used for knocking, would be vocalized by him as "pa-pa-ra-ra-pa", and a chorus of childrens' voices would be heard responding with his last name: "Ba-lá!".
• During Johnny Carson's hosting of The Tonight Show, the band would frequently end the opening theme with "Shave and a Haircut".
• On Scrubs, J.D. visits Dr. Cox at home and knocks "shave and a haircut" on his door. Cox, exasperated, whips it open during the pause. J.D.: "Two bits."
• On Ghost Hunters, the team is constantly using it to try to get responses from whatever paranormal entity might be lurking in the location of the week. The team member knocks out 'shave and a hair cut' and waits for the entity to knock the 'two bits' response.
• This is the password to get into Santos's secret stem-cell meeting in The West Wing.
• In the Doctor Who episode The Doctor's Wife this is what the white message box uses to knock on the TARDIS' door.
  • In fact, the closed captions for the episode actually read "Knocking 'shave and a haircut'".
• In MASH, Hawkeye once started singing Largo al Factotom("Figaro, Figaro, Figaro!") before segueing into "Shave and a Haircut". Radar then adds, "So that's where that came from!"
• Played with in an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000. In the movie The Atomic Brain, the antagonist knocks on a door to find out of two of the girls she hired were in the room. Mike quips "'Shave And A Haircut'! What do we do?"

Music

• Victor Borge had a comedy bit about the lady who invented the "two bits" part, but without words so it was an unrecognizable couple of notes until the punchline where the phrase was played in full.
  • The Smothers Brothers did something similar involving church bells that combined to form the tune.
• In nearly every one of his polka medleys, "Weird Al" Yankovic includes "Shave and a Haircut" right before the final few notes.
• At the end of Tom Lehrer's The Elements. That's all the el-e-ments, for now.
• The shortest musical single ever released was called "Magic Melody, Part 2," by Les Paul. It consisted entirely of "two bits!" and lasted less than one second. Part 1 had ended abruptly on "Shave and a Haircut," and DJs had been complaining.
• The Japanese rap song "Shiroi Yami no Naka" by Shakkazombie ends in this.
• Forms the theme of the Fugue in D minor from "The Short-Tempered Clavier" by PDQ Bach.
  • The first aria of the PDQ Bach cantata "Blaues Gras" ends with "Rasieren und Haarschneiden, zwei bitte." Which means, of course: "Shave and a haircut, two please."
• Mike Portnoy of Dream Theater has used this as an audience participation segment at the end of his drum solo.
• At the end of Michelle Shocked's version of "The Arkansas Traveler"(?) the old man playing the farmer in the dialogue parts ends up flubbing the classic ending, "Shave and a haircut: two bits!" by saying "six bits" instead. This is followed by his and Michelle's raucous laughter, and the old man muttering the quip, "Six bits?...I'll saw you in half for six bits...."
• It happens at the end of "Unsquare Dance" by Dave Brubeck"

Newspaper Comics

• In a Far Side cartoon, an exasperated conductor informs his orchestra that they will not be concluding the symphony with "Shave and a Haircut".
  • In another, police are arresting a group of mobsters, and one of the mobsters complains, "I knew it. I just knew it! 'Shave and a Haircut' was a lousy secret knock."

Video Games

• In Half Life 2, Alyx plays this on the buttons of a vending machine, and bangs on it twice for the "two bits" part. It's her way of signaling to Dr. Kleiner that it's her, and opens the door to the secret lab behind the vending machine.
• Chrono Trigger featured a version of the tune, titled "Rat-a-Tat-Tat, It's . . . Mitsuda!", in its toughest ending. (Yasunori Mitsuda was the composer.)
• In the beginning of Earthbound, Pokey/Porky knocks on the door in a very annoying fashion. In the middle of the knocks is the classic "Shave and a Haircut".
• Um Jammer Lammy: "I Am A Master, and You!", Um Jammer Lammy's version of the Master Onion stage, eventually evolves into this quite subtly, eventually--unsurprisingly--finishing off with it.
• The first five notes appear at about 55 seconds into the stage 2 theme from Mr. Gimmick!.
• In Grand Theft Auto IV, sometimes when you honk the first half of this tune using a car horn, other drivers will respond with the rest.

Western Animation

• In Ren and Stimpy, a synthesised version is used right after Mr. Horse delivers his famous "No sir, i didn't like it." line from "Fire Dogs".
• In a Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, "Donald the Genie", Mickey tap-dances while he hums to the tune of that.
• Steamboat Willie uses this to end the "Turkey in the Straw" sequence.
• Too many Looney Tunes cartoons to name right now.
• Animaniacs did this a lot, particularly with Yakko's songs.
  • The end of the theme song to Pinky and The Brain. "Narf!"
• Used at the end of most Camp Lazlo episodes.
• Phil Ken Sebben in Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law: "Shave and a haircut, two ti-whoah, hold on".
• Toph of Avatar: The Last Airbender knocked on a door this way in the Grand Finale, but instead of knocking the "bits" part she knocked said steel door down. She then turned it into armor, and used it to defeat multiple superpowered firebenders in a couple seconds.
• The Simpsons had it at the end of the Presidents Day assembly's song for "lesser" President.
• Used in the My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic episode "Fall Weather Friends", when Apple Jack makes the apples from a tree fall on Rainbow Dash's head in tune with this melody.
• Played by Owen in the Total Drama Island episode "I Triple Dog Dare You" on his freebie bottles.

Radio

• In the Goon Show episode "The Great Bank of England Robbery", Neddie, Eccles and Bloodnok are trapped underground. When tapping on the walls and receiving mysterious replies, Eccles taps out the first part and, in the silence that follows, ribs the listeners for expecting the second part, but is interrupted by the *Two Bits!* tap.

Real Life

• The Italian one (Ammazza la vecchia col Flit) means "Kill the old woman with DDT!"...!!
• The phrase "hasta la vista, baby" fits the sting almost perfectly.
• Nardwuar The Human Serviette ends all his interviews with "doot doola doot-doo" and the interviewee provides the "doo-doo" at the end.
• A popular variation in the United Kingdom was "How's your father? All right!" the first part of which became slang for a certain act, as in "A bit of 'ows-yer-father".
• Used at the end of "George and Lil", a 1980s PIF about burglary prevention.
• In Icelandic it's Saltkjöt og baunir! Túkall! meaning Salt mutton and pease pudding! Two crowns!.
• American PO Ws in Vietnam communicated by tapping Morse code on their cell walls. One would initiate a conversation by tapping the familiar "shave and a haircut" pattern, and the other would finish with "two bits". If the respondent instead repeated "shave and a haircut", it meant he was a Vietnamese agent.
• In Sweden there are two 'lyrics' to this tune. The oldest is "Kvart över elva, halv tolv." "A quarter past eleven, half an hour to twelve." The second is from a 50's commercial for a cough drop. "Hälsan för halsen, Bronsol." "Health for the troath, Bronsol."
• This video on making an electronic secret knock detector of course uses it as the secret knock.