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Hohenheim: Thanks to the magic of fanfiction, this van will fit us all.
Selleck Waterfall Sandwich is a fifteen-chapter musical parody of Flower Drum Song by Oxenstierna D. Yuki-Rin. In the fic, Kagura and her brother, Kamui, arrive back to Earth after a vacation on their home planet so Kagura can marry Sanji, who is already in love with Nico Robin. When Kamui discovers this affair, he sets his sister up with Hayato Gokudera, who becomes fast friends with Kagura. Unfortunately, Robin's mother, Nico Olvia, does not approve of their friendship. Things go downhill when Olvia takes a restraining order out on Gokudera and Kamui decides to abuse loopholes by possibly marrying Kagura with Okita. Hilarity Ensues.
This fanfic was first published in November, 2010, shortly after Oxenstierna D. Yuki-Rin got her account. She posted the final chapter in December of that year. This fanfic contains examples of:
- All for Nothing: Turns out, Umibozu got Yato traditions mixed up, which meant that Kagura didn't have to get married in the first place.
- Anti-Love Song: Gokudera sings There's a Fine, Fine Line in chapter three.
- Arranged Marriage: First, it's Kagura and Sanji, which then changes to Kagura and Gokudera. Finally, it changes to Kagura and Okita.
- Bad Girl Song: Robin's bad girl song is I Like it Rough. When she sang it in chapter 12, Gokudera's plans to break up Sanji and Robin fail right in front of his eyes.
- Big Eater: Kagura and Bonney. Subverted in chapter three when they are in an eating contest against each other.
- Bilingual Bonus: Chapter nine's title is, "iSimon!", which is Spanish for, "Hell yeah!"
- Boyfriend Bluff: Kagura does this with Yamamoto for a short time so they can abuse loopholes with Olvia's restraining order.
- BSOD Song: Gokudera has several of these. The most notable example is The Dark of the Matinée, which he sings when He finds out that Kagura is going to marry Okita.
- Can't Act Perverted Toward a Love Interest: Sanji doesn't act like a Handsome Lech whenever he's with Robin.
- Chekhov's Gag: The Homunculi and Hohenheim's scenes in chapter one when they are giving Kagura and Kamui a ride are mirrored in the last chapter when Gintoki and the gang are trying to get to Kagura and Okita's wedding to stop it.
- Concert Climax: In the penultimate chapter, Gokudera sees Kagura with Okita outside of a lounge while a concert is wrapping up. This is when Gokudera also finds out that Kagura and Okita are getting married.
- Convenience Store Gift Shopping: This seems to be how Gintoki, Shinpachi, Kagura, Tae, and Kamui got Gokudera's birthday presents in chapter eleven.
- Covered in Gunge: Shinpachi implies that Sanji and Robin were covered in gunge for sexual activity in chapter three.
- Did You Just Have Sex?: Kamui, Gintoki, Kagura, Tae, and Shinpachi have this moment at the end of chapter one when they (think) they see Sanji and Robin getting it on. Kamui has the same moment in chapter two with, unsurprisingly, Sanji and Robin.
- Don't Explain the Joke: Everytime Hohenheim says, "Thanks to the magic of fanfiction, this van will fit us all", the Homunculi think that Hohenheim is pregnant since his first name is Van.
- Drunken Song: Kamui sings "Weird Al" Yankovic's beer song in chapter ten. He is drunk while this happens.
- Early-Bird Cameo: Okita works at a booth at the Shinsengumi's World's Fair-Styled Inventions and Bakery Goods Expo. He appears later as Kagura's fianceé.
- Epic Fail: Kagura, Gokudera, and their friends run around town all day to buy wedding gifts for Sanji and Robin, when they realize that the last place they need to go to is Crate and Barrel. Upon realizing that their hometown doesn't have a Crate and Barrel, they take the train to another city five hours away just to shop at Crate and Barrel when they could've skipped it altogether.
- Epic Song: Feel Good Inc, Party in the Local Park, Brooklyn Rage, Meet me Halfway, Perfect, Whereever You Will Go, Life's Gonna Suck, Love me Dead, this fic seems to be built on this trope.
- "Everybody Laughs" Ending: At the end of the fic, after it is revealed that Kamui, not Kagura, should've been the one to get married, as the characters are leaving to go get tacos, everyone (minus Kamui, because he was drugged) is laughing.
- Exposition Party: Happens in chapter seven. Sanji throws a party for no reason other than to propose to Robin.
- Four-Temperament Ensemble: Kagura is Sanguine, Gokudera is Choleric, Kamui is Melancholic, and Gintoki is Phlegmatic.
- Funny Background Event: In chapter ten, while everyone is outside of Bed Bath and Beyond and just shooting the breeze, the Bed Bath and Beyond explodes for no reason.
- Greek Chorus: The authoress' OCs make comments from a confessional room in an undisclosed location at various parts in the story.
- Grief Song: Kagura sings Over after Gokudera is arrested. This is Hilarious in Hindsight for two reasons: One, Lindsay Lohan sings that song. And, two, the gang bailed Gokudera out of jail later.
- Hakuna Matata: The Seven Deadly Sins, I'm in Love With a McDonald's Girl, Lucky, Feel Good Inc, Sunday, and DotA.
- I Have to Wash My Hair: In chapter ten, when Robin and Sanji ask Kagura and Kamui to be in their wedding, Kamui says that they (meaning Gintoki, Shinpachi, Kagura, Kamui, and Tae) have to step outside to discuss what Sanji and Robin asked them. It isn't until the five leave the building anwser the question. Their answer is a simple, "Hell no!"
- "I Want" Song: Kagura's I want song is Airplanes in chapter five and Gokudera's I want song is This Fire in chapter 11.
- Meddling Parents: Olvia.
- Mexican Standoff: Almost happens in chapter eleven when the author's OCs crash Gokudera's birthday party while wielding their weapons and dressed as if they are in One Piece Strong World.
- Mocking Music: When Gokudera's plan fails in chapter twelve, Robin sings I Like it Rough by Lady Gaga.
- The Musical
- Nakama: Gokudera and Kagura.
- No Fourth Wall: The confessional room segments with the authoress' OCs has no fourth wall, as they talk to the audience.
- Noodle Incident: In chapter one, Hijikata mentions that Katsura got arrested in the past for being drunk, disorderly, and attacking somebody with a bonsai tree.
- Only Sane Man: Hibari, Ryohei, Tsuna, most of the Straw Hats, Takasugi, Sakamoto, Katsura, and most of the Supernovas barely get any lines. Subverted even further when Chrome Dokuro and Mukuro Rokudo only show up for one chapter.
- Overused Running Gag: "Bitchin'!"
- Parental Neglect: Umibozu doesn't show up and stop Kagura's marriage until the last chapter. Why didn't he stop Kamui from marrying Kagura off before the siblings went back to Earth?
- Parents Walk in At the Worst Time: Olvia serves cookies when Kagura, Gokudera, Sanji, and Robin visit her in chapter three. She also leaves cookies for Gokudera and Kagura in chapter six even though she is away on vacation.
- Parody: This is a parody of Flower Drum Song, as stated above.
- Sanity Slippage Song: "This Fire". Fortunately, Gokudera gets better.
- Seven Deadly Sins: Not only do the Homunculi show up, they even sing the Flogging Molly song The Seven Deadly Sins.
- Shout-Out: There are many shout outs per chapter, and that's not including the songs that were sung.
- Sidekick Song: The Vongolas have "Party in the Local Park".
- The Simpsons Did It: The scene where Kondo and Hasegawa are looking at their credit card bills is similar to a scene in The Simpsons episode "Catch 'em if You Can", where Ned and Rod Flanders are looking at their credit card bills.
- Song Fic: The entire fic is a musical.
- Stepford Smiler: Olvia. She may seem nice and friendly on the outside, but, on the inside, she attempts to ruin the protagonist's friendship all because she doesn't approve of Gokudera.
- Talk About the Weather: In chapter three, when Gintoki, Tae, and Shinpachi are watching T.V., the weatherwoman is talking about how nice the weather is.
- The Song Before the Storm: During the WHAM chapter, Gintoki sings Cuban Pete right before Sanji proposes to Robin.
- Those Two Guys: Yamazaki, Matsudaira, and Kondo. Any Supernova that isn't Trafalgar Law also counts.
- Unusual Euphemism: This exchange between Gintoki and Shinpachi in chapter two.
Shinpachi: "He probably sings this in the shower. To Robin. As they take a shower together while Robin washes Sanji's hair as Sanji -"
Gintoki: "You know what? I've had enough. I'm going outside. Shinpachi, you're just euphemistically making things much worse."
- "The Villain Sucks" Song: Gokudera sings Kyle's Mom's a Bitch to express his anger toward Kamui in the second-to-the-last chapter.
- Where Where: Kamui does this to Kagura to trick her into thinking Allen Walker is outside. In reality, he did it to bring Okita into the apartment while Kagura was distracted.
- X Days Since...: There is a two week timeskip between chapters six and seven. Apparently, nothing exciting happened during the time we didn't see.
- You Fail Biology Forever: Played straight with this exchange in chapter three.
Gokudera: "Nico Olvia is feminine? I don't think so. Did you see her rock the mom jeans? Plus, how does a silver-haired woman give birth to a black-haired woman?"
Kagura: "Did you even learn about genetics in Biology class?"
Gokudera: "I never paid attention to it, because it was a really boring chapter. I think I also bombed the test on that material."