|Quotes • Headscratchers • Playing With • Useful Notes • Analysis • Image Links • Haiku • Laconic|
Black Mage: Lady, you've tried every shoe in the store; including the men's and children's shoes, which clearly won't fit.
Thorpe: I hope the system of gingerly handling old people like they're retarded is still in place when I'm old, because I'm going to be saying the most racist shit imaginable just to watch people squirm.
—"Doctor" David Thorpe and Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons, regular contributors to Something Awful
"Write this down, Perry. I'm old, and I honestly don't care what people think about anything I do." (farts) "That was me, folks."
—Dr Kelso, Scrubs
"You fucking son of a bitch. I'm dying. There is no time to be sentimental."
—The Commodore, Boardwalk Empire
"Okay, whoa! You don’t get a bitch pass just cuz you’re old. Yes, that’s right, I said it. You come in here with your gangster granny attitude and think you can get away with dumping all over the lowly Gypsy waitress. No way. At this diner, we don’t discriminate due to age. If you’re gonna act like an ass, I’m gonna treat you like an ass, no matter how close that ass is riding to the floor. Now, I’ll wipe off the table and we’ll take it from the top. Hi, I’m Max. Who wants tapioca?"
—Max Black, Two Broke Girls
I'm not mean, I'm a thousand years old,
—Marceline, Adventure Time
"I'm old! Gimme, gimme, gimme!"
—Grampa Simpson (upon entering a Social Security office)