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What are you doing? What, what, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
Brian Gallivan is what every single woman needs: a sassy gay friend. This series of skits are written by Gallivan and distributed by YouTube's The Second City Network. They involve a range of women from Shakespeare plays, movies, books and the Bible, who are all saved from their tragic fates by the intervention of a sassy gay friend. Just before disaster strikes, he pops out of nowhere, calls them out on their idiotic behavior, and encourages them to chose a wiser course of action.
Recently, he's been extending his help to male characters from history, legend and literature as well.
- Camp Gay: But of course.
- Catch Phrase: "What, what, WHAT are you doing?!" and "You stupid bitch!"
- Deadpan Snarker: Guess who?
- Anne Boleyn is one, too.
Anne: Can I get up now?
Sassy Gay Friend: Did you hear something, Henry?
Anne: (sigh) Just cut it off...
Sassy Gay Friend: (to Eve) Let's get you some clothes.
Eve: Oh, we should get Adam some clothes, too.
(cut to Adam, who is gorgeous)
Sassy Gay Friend: (dreamily) No... Adam's fine...
- The Ditz: Calypso.
"I'm a nymph!"
- Driven to Suicide: He saves Juliet and Ophelia from this fate.
- Fourth Date Marriage: Romeo and Juliet, and very much lampshaded.
"You met him Sunday. It's barely Thursday morning. Slow down, crazy, slow down."
- Godiva Hair: Eve has this, to go with her leaves.
- Iconic Item: He's never seen without his sparkling scarf - not even in the Garden of Eden.
- If It's You It's Okay:
Nina: I did it with a girl!
SGF: In a drug dream!
Nina: Yeah, well, it was Mila Kunis.
SGF: Aw, big deal. I'd sleep with Mila Kunis. (to the camera) Maybe. No.
- Large Ham: Why, the gentleman himself.
- Love Makes You Crazy: Juliet's defense. He doesn't buy it.
- Magical Queer: Parodied
- The Matchmaker: He hooks The Giving Tree up with Boo Radley.
- Noodle Incident:
Sassy Gay Friend: (to Henry VIII) You take everything 2 steps too far! Annulment? Fine. Beheading? Excessive! When I return a blouse I don't shoot the cashier and burn the store down!
Anne Boleyn: One time you almost did...
Sassy Gay Friend: WHY did they need my zipcode, Anne?!
- Once an Episode: "She's a stupid bitch" or "I'm a stupid bitch."
- "What are you doing? What, what, WHAT are you doing?"
- Only Sane Man: The Sassy Gay Friend is often this.
- Pet Homosexual: Again, parodied.
- Product Placement: Lampshaded in the Great Expectations and Macbeth episodes, and seems to be a regular feature of the episodes now (SGF is being paid by MiO to promote their drinks).
- "The Reason You Suck" Speech:
Nina: But I finally did everything perfectly!
Sassy Gay Friend: YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING PERFECTLY! Everything in your life could be improved! Number one, stop chomping people's tongues when you kiss them! Don't pick at your finger! Number two, when you're gonna diddle yourself, maybe glance around the room to make sure your MOM'S NOT THERE. P.S., your technique is amazing! DON'T PICK AT YOUR FINGER. Number three, BUY SOME NAIL CLIPPERS.
Nina: I CAN'T!!!
Sassy Gay Friend: THEY ARE NINETY-NINE CENTS AT CVS!
- Visual Pun: In the Othello video, Sassy Gay Friend pops out of the closet.
- We Could Have Avoided All This
"This fate could have been avoided, if she'd had a sassy gay friend..."