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 Lady Macbeth: (looks at camera) So are we, like, in a commercial now?

Sassy Gay Friend: Mmm, yeah, kind of. You see, I have options too. I can not make money, or I can make money! Hey, these scarves don't pay for themselves.

    • Also:

 Lady Macbeth: My plan will work! Macbeth just needs to screw his courage to his sticking place!

Sassy Gay Friend: No. He needs to screw his courage to your sticking place.

Lady Macbeth: (gasps)

Sassy Gay Friend: Yeah. I said it. Because, sister, you need a hobby or an orgasm, stat.

  Sassy Gay Friend: "Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?". Translation? "Desperate. Desperate. I am really desperate."

    • This Troper totally cracked up at this part:

  Sassy Gay Friend: You took a roofie from a priest. (Beat) Look at your life, look at your choices.

  • Cyrano de Bergerac

 Meet Cyrano de Bergerac. He feels that his large nose makes him unlovable and has given up on wooing his true love Roxanne, and helps his friend Christian woo her instead. This fate could've been avoided, if he'd had a Sassy Gay Friend...

Cyrano: (mutters to Christian) My love grows.

Christian: (shouts up at Roxanne) My love grows!

Sassy Gay Friend: (appears out of nowhere) What, what, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Christian: What, what, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Cyrano: No!

Sassy Gay Friend: Yes! You're very talented. (turns to Cyrano) Back to you.

    • "Roxanne has a stripper's name! Who is she to judge?"

 Sassy Gay Friend: Why would you want to remember the worst moment of your life? I don't set my clocks to remind myself of the terrible night I spent with Jacob Marley!

Ms. Havisham: Ewww!

Sassy Gay Friend: "Ew" is right. Ugh. A lot of chains, totally weird. And he's a ghost... which is why I want to forget about it!

 Nina: Is this heaven?

Sassy Gay Friend: No. It's the hospital. In heaven, Annette Bening wins the Oscar for The Kids Are All Right! What, WHAT, what were you doing?!

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