|YMMV • Radar • Quotes • (Funny • Heartwarming • Awesome) • Fridge • Characters • Fanfic Recs • Nightmare Fuel • Shout Out • Plot • Tear Jerker • Headscratchers • Trivia • WMG • Recap • Ho Yay • Image Links • Memes • Haiku • Laconic|
- "Before we start, let's recap a little on the whole prequel thing and how it ruined six years of everyone's lives. Even starving African children in Cambodia." Let that sink in. Starving African children in Cambodia (which is next to Vietnam).
- "Star Wars Episode I is the most disappointing thing since my son."
- "SHE LIED TO ME."
- "What's wrong with your faaaace?!"
- "Sometimes a cigar is just a giant vagina in the desert that swallows men whole"
- "OH MY GOD! What's wrong with your faaaace?!"
- Mr Plinkett: [on Star Trek: First Contact] Heck, I would have taken any 2-parter TNG episode over this piece of shit. [shows image of Armus from Skin of Evil]
- Fifty nine minutes!
- TIME TO GO IN THE REFRIGERATOOOOOOOORRRRRR
- "ThE bESt PArt of waAAkING UP, is ACiD in YoUR CUuu...."
- "If I wanted a message I would go listen to my answering machine"
Answering Machine: Hi Mr. Plinkett, Bob Foster here from the Department of Cultural Guilt, uh, just a friendly courtesy call to remind you about the horrible things that you did to the Native Americans. Uh, please continue to feel guilty about this, and, uh, if you have any questions, give me a call back, the number's 202-(Plinkett proceeds to pour coffee on the answering machine, shorting it out)
- Even better, it later cuts back to him smashing the machine with a hammer.
- "GET OUUUT!!!! GET OUUUUUUUUUT!!!!"
- "GET OUTTA MY POPCORN TUUUUUB!!! WRAAAAAAAAARRR!!!!"
- Essentially every time Plinkett raises (and reverbs) his voice is memorable for...various reasons...
- [Referring to the TF Blockade from Phantom Menace] "You see, we once set up a naval blockade around Cuba, to stop the Russians from setting up missile launchers there. It was a little event you might have heard of. It wasn't a big deal, you know, but you might have heard of it, it was called WORLD WAR I. Geez, you stupid people gotta learn your history right."
- [showing picture of an overweight cat] "Hey anyone wanna help me milk my cat? 's time to make breakfassht..."
- "At last! We get to the big dumb ending, where we see the excitement and the passion... that thousands of computer animators have for getting paychecks!"
- "And don't say it was the Will of the Force, unless you don't want me to send you a Pizza Roll... aaan' whennnI sennit to you, 'm gonna shovvit up yer ass..." [shows image of Kit Fisto]
- "Shinzon had a passing interest in Troi 'cos she had a vagina, and he probably never did it with a chick. Uh, maybe he fucked a Reman in the ass... [shows image of a Reman grimacing]
- "Aw, he's accidentally flying the spaceship, how cute! I hope he fucking dies."
- (dragging woman by the ankle) GEDDIN MY LIVING ROOM!!"
- (deleted scene: Still dragging woman) CoME WIth mEEE aND yoU'll BEe in A woRLd of PUrE imagiATiOn!!"
- Fuck the Pain Away...
- Plinkett's phone call.
- Him slowly going insane at the end of the "Baby's Day Out" review.
"My cat stole my merkins!"
"You want to help me milk my cock?" (picture of a rooster)
"Maybe they're trying to make a statement about the Gerber corporation and their anti-Union practices!"
"They don't make jokes in the circus!"
"Fuck The Pain Away (Groin Attack) Fuck The Pain Away (Groin Attack) x5
- (A comparative picture of Guinan and baby Bink in his photo outfit) WHAT?!!!
- Star Wars Attack of the Clones is the worst thing ever made by a human. Except for the bagpipes...
- (on Anakin and Padme's 'love story')
- A more subtle example is in the Phantom Menace review; he talks about how the hero arc works, and how the hero often gets the girl at the end as icing on the cake, and he plays several such scenes from various movies together as an example...including Willy Wonka hugging Charlie Bucket.
- OH NO the timeline changed and Bambi's alive again except now shes my first cat!
- After listing practically everything that happens in the new Star Trek movie. "I think I need to go see a therapist after this..." *clip of Deanna Troi* "NO NOT HER--!"
- Spock saying "Go to hell."
- "Zoe Saldana's there for one obvious reason... (Shows footage of Uhura undressing) She's entirely believable as a Xenolinguistics expert."
- "Mmmm...I like to fuck my cat."
- (clip of Anakin kneeling before Palpatine) "And so Anakin kneels before the monster mash, and pledges his allegiance to the graveyard smash."
- "So Palpatine shows up at the senate to convince everyone that the Jedi- the organization of monks who have been the guardians of peace and justice for 1000 years- are suddenly planning on taking over the world. (impersonating Palpatine) 'Oh, and I just also happen to look and sound like a monster that wants to take over the world now. Don't mind my creepy black cloak, my horribly evil sounding voice or my terrifying face. Also don't mind the fact that I'm yelling about creating a galactic empire run exclusively by me. No no no, you see its the Jedi that are trying to take over. That warranted them all being executed by the army that is controlled by myself without any kind of evidence to prove what I'm saying is true. Yup, we just killed them all, even the children. Then we burned down their temple, and your all just gonna have to take my word for it. Trust me, look at my face. Would this face lie to you?
- Plinkett melting a Star Wars Episode I VHS tape in the oven and urinating on it.
- George Lucas didn't ruin my childhood. Fucking polio did.
- "After all, these are just simple movies made for kids and not adults at all, which is why they have: Assassination attempts. Sexual innuendo. Decapitations. Kidnap, torture, and suggested rape. Hookers. Boring political dialogue. Forced amputations. Drug-dealing. Mass murder." (cut to sounds of screaming) "Don't try to escape like the other one!"
- The trailers. Just...the trailers:
- "GET YER FINGER OUT OF MY ASS WALLET!"
- "The Urban Market stole my TV once, so I know they like movies."
- "They don't call him "Kit Fisto" because he's into chicks, if you know what I mean."
- His attempt to save time on "Cop Dog." Bonus points for realizing it was a bad idea, not because he was completely incomprehensible, but because he forgot to mention a few films. He then tries again only to continue as normal.
- "Who was his trainer, Mike Vick? Did you get the joke?"
- Fuck Off, Ghost!
- "So instead of getting her metrosexual son a haircut and slapping him across the face..."
- This is worse than Star Trek: Nemesis.
- His ill-fated Kodak promo.
"What?! After fucking ten years, that's all I saved?! YOU PIECE OF FUCKING CRAP!"
- The random guy in the background who picks apart Picard's plan to puncture the plasma coolant tanks.
Random Guy: Oh, puncture it. Okaaay... but it seems like it's highly pressurised...
(Data gets sprayed with flesh-melting gas)
Random Guy: Oh my God...!
- Cleaning up cat shit to the tune of La Danse Macabre.
- Re-releasing the Phantom Menace review in 3D with added special effects.
- The entire commentary for Episode 1. Plinkett rambles about the movie, his cats, his life, laundry, Bambi, and so much more, getting interrupted by his cats, Gold Shirt Guy, and Not-Darth-Sidious. It's amazing.
- After ranting about how if he were in the movie he'd consider Padme "expendable," thinking that she was just a handmaiden who "does the Queen's laundry," Plinkett goes off on this tangent:
"When I was 58 I learned how to do my own laundry. They say the clothes make the man. You know what else they say? … 'Indonesians make the clothes.' … Both statements are kinda true statements. But I really like doin' laundry …"
- Plinkett urging people to "occupy George Lucas's front lawn" because he's one of the 1%
- Plinkett giving the people he presumes are listening to his commentary while sitting in a theater watching Episode 1 in 3D instructions to do things like raise their hand or talk to the person next to them.
- "Get off that, Mr. Tiny, that ain't a lover!"
- How bad could [Episode III] really be? (picture of Darth Vader's infamous scene) Oh...
- Most Half In The Bag videos start out with an introduction, or a set up for a joke. In the Transformers: Rise Of The Planet Of The Revenge Of The Moon review, it starts out with them sitting in awkward, uncomfortable, discontent silence, followed by a clip from the film, as if to say "yeah. We know."
- [On reviews praising Revenge of the Sith for being Darker and Edgier] MY STOOL IS DARK! And doctor says that's bad! ...I dunno why he thinks he knows so much about interior decorating though (Rimshot)