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  • From the start of season 2 on, basically every single moment of the show.
  • The Pyramid of Greatness

 Ron: Under my tutelage, you'll grow from boys into men, from men into gladiators and from gladiators into Swansons: Behold!

Ron: Are the scissors broken in your house son?

Ron: Fish meat is practically a vegetable

Ron: Skim milk - that's right, it's on here twice - avoid it!

  • "How come the sewage department gets all the hot interns?"
  • "What the @$#& are you doing Perd Hapley?"
  • From "The Master Plan"

 Ron: What's a non-gay way to ask him to go camping with me?

    • All the scenes with Ann and Leslie drunk.
    • "That Ralph-Maccio guy is a total douche."
    • Ron's wicked smile when he hears that the government is going to be shut down.

 Leslie:I'm sorry, I just heard a bunch of really loud circus music, could you say that again?

  • Leslie's increasingly bizzare fever delusions in "The Flu"
    • From the same episode, Chris freaking out over his sickness. "The microchip has been compromised!"

 Chris: Stop. Pooping.

  • What are Andy's good qualities? He's nice...and he's in a band!...that's it.
  • In "Ron and Tammy, Part Two" Ron's moustache rubbed off...from friction
    • Much of the episode qualifies, but a sneaky one. Jerry is the only one that seems completely to have missed Ron and Tammy are bad together, including bring a wedding gift to the intervention. When Tammy shows up at the intervention and proceeds to make out with a now shirtless Ron, everyone leaves the room. Except Jerry who never got up...
  • From "Media Blitz"
    • Ron typing every word he knows
    • Ben's freak out on Ya Heard? With Perd Hapley

 Ben: Who hasn't had gay thoughts?!

    • And later, his peevish mocking of Perd's name:

 Ben: More like Turd Crapley.

    • Natalie getting Andy detained by the school security guard

 Officer: Sir are you trying to lure this girl into your van?

Andy: Yeah and she's being really difficult about it.

      • He shouldn't even be driving. His license is crazy expired.
  • From Time Capsule:
    • Leslie listing off all of Pawnee's slogans.

  Pawnee, Indiana. Welcome German soldiers!

  • "Bring me the opposite of him."
  • This exchange from "Time Capsule"

 Leslie: Please remember, this is a government project. So, we need to refrain from corporate promotion and religious items. Who'd like to start?

Man: I think we should put in the Bible.

  • Ron beginning to address everyone by saying "Okay, here's the situation...", only to have Leslie cut him off and take the cue to sing "Parents Just Don't Understand."

 Leslie: So what's up?

Ron: Someone's on fire in Ramsett Park. They need you to get down there right away.

  • From "Harvest Festival":

  Leslie: The atrocities are in blue.

    • Everyone's reaction to Lil' Sebastian. Especially Ron's glee.
    • Ron says that in order to find the missing Lil' Sebastian the team needs a higher vantage point. Andy takes a long look at the Ferris Wheel and then suggests he climbs it.
    • Ron demanding everyone apologize. Doubles as a Crowning Moment of Awesome (for calling out everyone's pettiness/stupidity) and a CMoH (because he knows that for once it's not Jerry's fault (kinda) and showing how much he cares about the April/Andy relationship)
    • The animated reenactment of the curse.
    • The curse removal ceremony.
  • Turtles are condescending.
  • Leslie's rapid-fire list of excuses for why she (actually Tom) accidentally shot Ron in "Hunting Trip".

  "I got that tunnel vision that girls get. I let my emotions get the best of me. I cared too much, I guess. I was thinking with my lady parts. I was walking and it felt icky. I thought there was gonna be chocolate. I don't even remember! I'm wearing a new bra, and it closes in the front, so it popped open and it threw me off. All I wanna do is have babies! I'm just going through a thing right now. I guess when my life is incomplete, I wanna just shoot someone. This would not happen if I had a penis! Bitches be crazy. I'm good at tolerating pain; I'm bad at math, and... I'm stupid."

  • The calm, relaxing scene in "Camping", when Ben and Jerry were listening to the old lady playing the piano at the inn. It then instantly cut to this head interview;

  Ben: Yeah, she died like 20 minutes after that.

      • Which was made all the more funny by this troper's boyfriend screaming "DAMMIT JERRY!" at the screen.
  • Donna and Tom explaining 'Treat yo self' day.

 Tom: Once a year Donna and I spend the day treating ourselves. What do we treat ourselves to?

Donna: Clothes.

Tom: Treat yo self.

Donna: Fragrances.

Tom: Treat yo self.

Donna: Massages.

Tom: Treat yo self.

Donna: Mimosas.

Tom: Treat yo self.

Donna: Fine leather goods.

Tom: Treat yo self.

Donna: It's the best day of the year.

  • In "Fancy Party" April and Andy ask their guests to bring something to their dinner party. Chris was asked to bring a cake. Instead he brings a vegetable loaf because "it's healthier". A disgusted Ron says:

 So, not only does this thing exist but you have also deprived everyone of cake!

  • The cold open of "Fancy Party" where at a meeting Ron pretends to yank out his own tooth(which a dentist had removed the day before) causing everyone to freak out, some to leave the room and Tom to faint.
    • Special notice must be give to Ben, who does not just leave, he bolts from the room before Ron is even done pulling.
  • "Zerts are what I call desserts. Tray trays are entrees. I call sandwiches sammies, sandoozles or Adam Sandlers. Air conditioners are cool blasterz with a 'z'. I don't know where that came from. I call cakes big ol' cookies. I call noodles long ass rice. Fried chicken is fry fry chicky chick. Chicken Parm is chickey chickey parm parm. Chicken Cacciatore: chickey catch. I call eggs pre-birds or future birds. Root beer is super water. Tortillas are bean blankies. And I call forks food rakes."
    • "Well, let's get in my go-go mobile."
  • Ben's sneaking back to check out Jerry's painting with Leslie nude in the chestal region. Twice.
  • "GARBAGE FIGHT!"
  • From "The Fight":
    • April and Andy roleplaying.
    • All of the drunk talking head scenes. All of them.
    • When Ben and Leslie are giving interviews while hungover:

  Ben: "Thank you. We will let you know. (Job candidate leaves) .... And then our heads will explode and we will die."

  • Every single time that other people yell at Jerry tends to be a Crowning Moment of Funny. Which is ironic, because Jerry has never had any self-made crowning moments of anything in his life.
  • "The Bubble" Ron in the new circular desk Chris made him use slowly and silently swiveling around and away from the citizen complaining about how she got sick from using sprinkler water for tea.
  • From "The Bubble" -- more of a sight gag when Ben impresses Leslie's ball-busting mom and both Knope women look at him while doing a choreographed Head Tilt of Interest.
  • The phone message Ben accidentally sent to Ron of him and Leslie roleplaying while having sex:

 Leslie: "And this is how Eleanor Roosevelt would kiss!"

Ben: "Whoa! Eleanor likes the tongue!"

  • And before that, Leslie's ranting attempt at a denying to Ron her relationship with Ben. Just as she's topping off her ramble with a shrieked, "Who do I call?", Ben swoops into the room all smiley and boyfriend-y.

 Ben: Hey.

Leslie: Hey.

Ben: Hey.

Leslie: Hey.

Ben (finally realizing Ron is in the room with them): Hey, Ron.

  • Just before that scene:

 Ron: Hello Leslie. How long have you been sleeping with Ben?

(pause)

Leslie: W..what?

Ron: How long have you been sleeping with Ben?

Leslie: That's disgusting and wrong. I don't even get ... Why would I ... I never had sex with anyone anywhere... It's none in your ... You had.. the nerve, the audacity ... Ben is my boss technically and he is ... terrible face-wise. And how ... how ... do I know frankly that you are not sleeping with him. Maybe you are, maybe you are trying to throw me off. Hmnn, Check and Mate! ... This is an outrage! Who do I call!

Ron's face expression during that is the icing on the cake.:
  • Andy's original reason for not getting with April: "April is the best, but she’s 20. When April was born I was already in third grade, which means if we were friends back then I would have been hanging out with a baby. I don’t know anything about infant care. ...Oh my god, I could have killed her."
  • Any time a citizen of Pawnee says anything.
  • But anything with April's creepy friend, Orin. Espeically him creeping Ben out (No Orin I don't know how I'm going to die....wait are you asking me or telling me?.
    • Chris scaring Orin. Chris repells emos apparently.
  • What's in Nutriyum Bars that makes Leslie feel so good?
  • Chris rocking the air banjo
  • The doctor's reaction after screening Jerry for the mumps in "I'm Leslie Knope". (Also counts as a Crowning Moment of Awesome for Jerry.)

  "That man has the LARGEST penis I have ever seen. I actually don’t even know if he has mumps — I forgot to look. I was distracted. By the LARGEST penis I have ever seen."

    • From the same episode, the incredulous expression Andy makes when he realizes that the penis photos were sent on purpose.
  • Tammy 1 and Tamara in a drinking contest. Leslie tries to join in, and is floored within a few shows. April doesn't even get the first shot down. Ron, learning his Mama will take him home decides to chug half of the jug, the equivalent of three handles of regular liquor.
  • "God, not the 'Gotcha' Dancers!"
  • Ben walking out in a Batman costume and Tom and Donna's reactions.
  • "The only thing I'll be waving is your decapitated head on a stick in front of your weeping mother!"
  • "You jumped all the way to Model Trains? I mean it's right but..."
  • The entirety of Jean Ralphio's employment at the accounting firm (which lasted about thirty seconds), not to mention his reaction upon getting fired.

  "Makes sense. So I just go out the same way I came in?"

  • Leslie's confession to Ann at the end of "The Possum":

 Leslie:: Possum, there was a possum. We captured a possum and we brought it into your house and it got out and it might have laid eggs in your bed.

Ann: What?

Leslie: And it went into your laundry and your kitchen and it touched all your bras. And I'm so sorry, it's our fault we captured it and it got out and it ran around and it was a possum, OK? April, run, April. Sorry, Ann. I love you!

  • In "Park Safety", Leslie imagines what Tom would say if he learned about the actual cause of Jerry's injury, which Jerry had attributed to a mugging. The cruel but hilarious line is funny in itself, but Leslie's spot-on impersonation of Tom's mannerisms really sells it: "Damn, Jerry! You jumped in a creek for a burrito? What'd you do for a Klondike bar? Kill your wife?"
  • Leslie makes an unusual request of Ann:

 Leslie: Would you be cool doing things that a prostitute does?

Ann: Uh…

Leslie: Minus the money?

Ann: Definitely yes then.

  "It's the Black Eyed Peas and I finally killed them. It's a Christmas miracle."

  • Leslie's bizarre endearments to Ann:
    • "Ann, you beautiful, naive, sophisticated newborn baby"
    • "Ann, you coy/devious/tricky bastard"
    • (In response to advise she didn't want to follow) "Ann, shut your beautiful pie hole."
    • "Ann, you beautiful tropical fish"
    • "Ann, you're beautiful, and you're organized"
    • "Oh Ann, you beautiful spinster, I will find you love."
    • "Ann, you beautiful rule-breaking moth"
  • In the episode where Tammy 1 shows up, Ron tires to make a hasty escape. He fishes an emergency backpack out of an airduct and then runs off, telling Leslie that he keeps a small quantity of ground chuck in his desk, and that she should check on it, as it will start to smell after a few days.
  • In "The Comeback Kid" Leslie and her new campaign team trying to slowly walk across an ice rink from a red carpet to a tiny stage for her first campaign rally. All while the PA system is repeatedly playing the same five-second extract of "Get On Your Feet" by Gloria Estafan.
  • Lots in "The Campaign Ad":
    • Leslie's campaign ad, specifically the incredibly long list of things she supports.
    • Leslie claims to Ben that Ann was freaking out at his suggestion to run a negative ad. Ironic Echo Cut to a spaced out Ann marveling at a marker, commenting "Oh my God, this magic marker smells like cherries."
    • Leslie's rationale for why positive campaigns are always better- "Barack Obama said 'Yes We Can' and now he's president. Ben Wyatt said 'No We Can't' and now he works for his girlfriend."
    • When Ben goes to give his dvd of a negative ad to be screened, Leslie (preferring to air a positive ad) appears out of nowhere and does a Dynamic Entry and tackles him, shouting out "Leslie Knope does not approve this message!" The two of them then wrestle on the floor.
    • Andy sneezing and hitting his head on the wall while hanging up his first gold record.
      • All of Andy's accumulated elements.

 Andy: I've got a weird rash in my kneepit...area. And my tongue on this side doesn't taste anything anymore. Sometimes when I walk my ankles make this weird rattle snake sound. What else? Things that are far away from my eyes are fuzzy. I once ate a Twix with the wrapper on it and I've never seen the wrapper come out. Also I've swallowed every piece of gum that I've chewed for the past 25 years, I dunno, I broke my thumb on the way here. Fix me!

  • "Operation Ann" is another treasure trove:
  • This exchange:

 Tom: Quick question about Ann- does anyone know if she has any Indian in her.

Leslie: No one respond. No one say anything.

Tom: Why? I'm just curious if Ann has a little Indian in her.

Leslie: Silence.

Jerry: I don't think she does.

Tom: 'Cause does she want some? (groans from everyone else in the room and at least one "Jerry!")

    • Jerry botches the assignment of finding a date for Ann and accidentally brings a male escort for himself.
    • Chris is very depressed because Jerry's daughter, Millicent, broke up with him. At one point, he concludes that she should love Jerry, since he shares 50% of her DNA, and then starts starring at him in a creepily intent way.
    • Ron's increasing giddiness at the scavenger hunt Leslie prepared for Ben.
    • Andy getting ready to crack open a display case with a crowbar to retrieve a clue for said scavenger hunt, then discovering he can get to it from the back. And then accidentally shattering the display case anyway.
  • At their Halloween party, Ron notices that April and Andy's house needs a lot of minor DIY jobs in "Meet'N'Greet", so he heads to Lowe's wearing his Pirate costume to buy supplies. Pushing his trolley through the store, he's approached by a store worker.

 Lowe's Employee: Hi there! Is there a project you're working on?

Ron: (stopping, and looking straight at the staff member)... I know more than you. (carries on through the store)

 Ron: So it learns information about me? Seems like an invasion of privacy.

April: Dude, if you think that's bad, go to Google Earth and type in your address.

Ron types something into the computer. A beat. Cut to Ron chucking his computer in the dumpster.

  • The cable is out and the donors to Leslie's campaign can't watch her televised debate, so Andy tries to keep them entertained by recreating scenes from his favorite movies including Road House:

 Andy: The guy has Swayze's head(grabs the neck of man in the audience) and says 'I used to fuck guys like you in prison!' By the looks of this guy, this is not consensual sex we're talking about!

  • Andy slowly and methodically pieing Jerry in the face as part of his Warren Commission-style investigation of a mysterious pie thrower at one of Leslie's speeches.

Notes

  1. literally
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