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"There's something wrong here... or my name is Jose Santos de Guatemala! And it's not!"

A Stock Phrases used as a "guarantee" that something is or will be true. The idea is the person is so sure of it, he will bet his name on it. Occasionally played for irony if the speaker is using a false name.


Examples


Advertising

  • Orville Redenbacher popcorn commercials: "You'll taste the difference, or my name isn't Orville Redenbacher."

Comic Books

  • Tintin in America has this line used twice. The French version was "As true as my name is X, Y!"
  • From issue #5 of Simpsons Comics:

 Radioactive Man: I'll restore order to Springfield, or my name isn't Claude Kane III! ...Er, which it isn't, of course! [thinking] Whew! Almost revealed my secret identity!

Bartman: Hmmm... I wonder if I should tell RM that, thanks to reading his comics, I know all his secrets!

Film

 Mary Poppins: [watching Bert, Albert, Jane and Michael laugh together on the ceiling] Why, it's the most disgraceful sight I've ever seen, or my name isn't Mary Poppins.

  • The Front Page (1974)

 Walter Burns: [after unsuccessfully posing as probation officer Otto Fishbein] Tell Hildy I wish him all the luck in the world, and I mean it, or my name isn't Otto Fishbein.

  • Macao (1952)

 Lawrence C. Trumble: I'll go back one of these days, or my name isn't Lawrence C. Trumble.

  "If we play our cards right, we'll be on Easy Street, or my name isn't Honest John."

 Dina Reams: And one last thing, Mrs. Zamboni - watch Alex Pearson closely. I don't trust him.

Alex Pearson: [as Mrs. Zamboni] D-don't trust Alex? Why, that's absurd. The sweet lad is as honest as the day is long, or my name isn't Edna Mae Zamboni.

  • Nathan Arizona[1] is a furniture chain store proprietor whose slogan is "If you can find a better deal, my name ain't Nathan Arizona!"

Literature

 "If it was a coincidence," roared the voice, "then my name is not Agrajag!"

"And presumably," said Arthur, "you would claim that was your name."

"Yes!" hissed Agrajag, as if completing a rather deft syllogism.

"Well, I'm afraid it was still a coincidence," said Arthur.

  • In The Science of Discworld, Ridcully, studying the problem of giving the Roundworld a sun, says, "We'll soon have his little world all warm, or my name's not Mustrum Ridcully." The Dean spends the first few paragraphs of the next chapter calling him things like "Mappin Winterly" or "Charlie Grinder".
  • The Gun Seller: In Chapter 1, the first-person narrator introduces himself to a woman as James Fincham. Later in the narration, he uses the phrase "...then my name isn't James Fincham. Which, of course, it isn't", which is the first indication the reader has that he lied.

Live Action TV

 Remington Steele: I guarantee your exoneration on all charges, Buddy, or my name isn't Remington Steele.

Laura Holt: Your name isn't Remington Steele.

Remington: A mere technicality.

  • Acropolis Now episode "Jobs for the Girls"

 Effie Stephanidis: All right, we'll do it. Sophie and me will get a job or my name isn't...

Sophie: Effie Stephanidis.

Effie: Ezactly!

  • The Jim Henson TV special The Tale of the Bunny Picnic, has the titular bunnies being stalked by a dog owned by a cruel farmer. The dog is nameless, and hopes to earn a name by catching the bunnies. A Running Gag has him saying things like "I'll catch that bunny or my name isn't...isn't...whatever it is."


Video Games

  • In the Back to The Future point-and-click series, Marty sets up this line and Emmett finishes it for him. Good thing he did, too - Marty was using an alias and was presumably about to accidentally call himself by using his real name.

Web Animation

 Capt. Butch Flowers: Now, I know you're worried about our mission, but I can tell you this -- there's nothing more important to me than the safety and well-being of my men. Or my name isn't Captain...Butch...Flowers.

Web Comics

  • In DMFA, Abel uses this line when shapeshifted as Merlitz:

 Abel: You bet! Or my name isn't Merlitz!

Western Animation

  • One episode of Tale Spin featured a character named Ace London who often used this phrase, but he'd get cut off.

 Ace London: ...or my name's not—

Crowd: Ace London!

Ace: You got that right.

 Grampa: We'll get you up and running again or my name isn't Young Grampa Simpson.

 Sonny Bono: But this is our delayed honeymoon. You should be enjoying it.

Cher: I am enjoying it, or my name isn't Barbra Streisand.

Sonny: Your name isn't Barbra Streisand.

Cher: You catch on fast, big boy.

    • Played for laughs in Scooby-Doo and the Reluctant Werewolf:

 Brunchy: We'll get your werewolf tomorrow night or our name isn't the Hunch Bunch.

Dracula: You had better or your name will be mud, or maybe even blood.

  • Played with in the Garfield and Friends episode "Mistakes Will Happen" (in which mistakes of all kinds are made):

 Jon Arbuckle: [referring to Garfield and Odie] This will scare the pants off those three, or my name isn't June Arburkle!

    • Another episode has Jon vowing to take care of someone who's been literally slinging mud, or his name is "mud". He returns, unsuccessful.
  • Cat Dog: Cliff vows on one episode to get the title characters, or his name isn't Cliff. One of his friends replies:

 Then what should we call ya?

 You know, there's something awfully screwy about this, or my name isn't Laddimore... and it isn't.

    • Yosemite Sam uses this a lot as well. Example (from "Big House Bunny"):

 You'll do 50 years, or my name ain't Sam Schultz!

 There's something wrong here, or my name's Archibald... And it's not!

  • Quack Pack: Daisy uses "Or my name isn't Daisy Duck"... while pretending to be someone else. Whoops.
  • Elmer Fudd's dog in the Daffy Duck cartoon "To Duck Or Not To Duck":

 Larrimore: There's something screwy about this fight or my name isn't Larrimore! And it isn't.

 D.M.: (talking to Colonel K) Don't worry, sir. We'll get to the bottom of this or my name isn't Danger Mouse.

Penfold: Um...isn't it?

D.M. (whispering testily) Of course it is!

Real Life

  • At age 62, Wyatt Earp once solved a confrontation by walking out of his tent, firing a rifle into the ground, and saying, "Back off or I'll blow you apart, or my name is not Wyatt Earp."

Notes

  1. Born Nathan Huffheins
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