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Coby: That particular naval base captured one of the most terrible pirates known to man.

Luffy: JOHNNY DEPP IS NOT THAT BAD!

Coby: No. No!

Luffy: I've faced him before. [under breath] Cross Depp reference off the list.

Coby: Zoro!

Luffy: ANTONIO BANDERAS!? [boat spontaneously combusts]

[[[Beat]]]

Coby: Boat's on fire.

Luffy: We don't need no water, let the motherf-ker burn! [fire continues to spread]


None Piece is a One Piece Abridged Series by Purpleeyeswtf, who also created Code Ment. It can be found here. It cuts out the filler, the plot and the sanity (Not that One Piece had much to begin with) leaving short, sweet and mind bending masterpieces. Has to be seen to be believed.

Tropes used in None Piece include:


  • Abusive Parents: Luffy claims that his parents gave him the first name "Monkey" because they hated him. Later, Zoro has the same explanation for why his first name is "Zolo".

  Luffy: Sucks to be you.

  Luffy: [thinking] This place is built like a librarian's miniskirt! [turns to camera] The f**k are you lookin' at?

  Luffy: Time to switch condiments, 'cause that weaksauce ain't working.

  [swiftly punches Helmeppo in the face] "God, that was unnecessarily violent!"

  • Breath Weapon: Luffy can spit up knives and vicious cats.
  • Brick Joke: Zoro beats up Helmeppo for "wearing a purple suit in public". Later, he tells his dad that Luffy hit him.

 Capt. Morgan: Were you wearin' the purple suit?

Helmeppo: Yes-

Capt. Morgan: Then you deserved it!

 Marine Officer: Ah, shit! Sir, I dinged your statue.

Capt. Morgan: Thank you, Lieutenant Obvious.

Officer: Sir, it's Captain, sir.

Morgan: Yes, yes, I am.

Officer: Obvious, sir?

Morgan: Obviously I'm a captain.

Officer: Sir, I'm confused

Morgan: Well you're definitely not cut out to be captain then, huh? [beat] Carry on, Lieutenant.

Officer: I'm a corporal

Morgan: You would be!

Officer: Would be what, sir?

Morgan: [raises his axe-hand]

Officer: [in his head] Worth It. [cue Luffy distracting them both]

  "When a woman needs to be comforted, she tells you it's time to buy more shoes. But she has all the shoes, so we really know she just needs boots. Now everything makes sense... Forever."

  Morgan: You will die so bad you will be dead and then you will stay dead!

 Luffy: You should know one thing about me: Everything is made of rubber! And before you even ask: yes, yes it is.

Alvida: What the hell are you talking about?

Luffy: My father was a test tube and my mother was a rubber band!

  Luffy: You've been a very bad kitty! Spin you dumb animal! Spin until you are dead!

 Nami: Best honeymoon ever.

Luffy: Kill me.

Nami: (laughs) Oh, pay him no mind. (lowers her voice) Unless you wanna die. (makes phbbt noises with her tongue)

Luffy: (gun appears next to his head) DO IT!

 Capt. Morgan: Son, I look like a bond villain and there's a guy who talks like Sean Connery running around! Shit is about to go down!

 Nami: Can you do me a favor?

Luffy: So long as I don't get roped into anything stupid.

*Nami has Luffy tied up with a rope.*

Luffy: Wow! I actually felt myself die a little inside!

 Luffy: Didja see that one, lad? His pancreas came right out his tearduct!

  Pirate: (after being kicked in the balls) "My only weakness! MY BALLS! How did you know?!"

 "Those passengers aren't just gonna kill themselves, ya know!"

  • I Do Not Own: Each episode starts with the standard abridged series disclaimer but it's only on screen for about a second before cutting to the episode proper.

 Luffy: Read the disclaimer!

 "Bold words coming from someone not on a unicycle."

 *After Buggy has stabbed Zoro in the back*

Zoro: "DAMMIT! YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE!"

Buggy: "..."

Zoro: "FUCK! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU! GOD!"

Buggy: "...You cut me into pieces..."

Zoro: "I WAS FUCKING KIDDING! FUCK YOU! YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE!"

 Luffy: She snuck up on us, like a- like a-

Coby: Like a Ninja?

Luffy: CODY! Don't you ever say that word again!

Coby: What? Why?

Luffy: EVER!!!

  • Nice Hat: "I'm rubber and you're fat; don't you dare touch my hat!"
  • No Indoor Voice: Luffy, when Rule of Funny is in full effect.
  • Older Than They Look: Despite his teenage physique, Luffy states that he's 45 years old. Apparently, it's hard for a guy made of rubber to get wrinkles.
  • Ooh, Me Accent's Slipping: Luffy occasionally starts to sound like Peter Griffin.
  • Only Sane Man: Buggy. At least in the context of the absolute insanity that surrounds him.
    • He's the most down-to-earth character in his episode, and his voice is perfectly normal and his tone generally calm. Hilarious in and of itself, considering he's a clown-pirate.
  • Overly Long Gag: Captain Morgan's chin has something different written on it each time he's given a close-up.
  • Prison Rape: Happened to Luffy.

 Luffy: I won't go back to prison, my butthole can't take that abuse!

 Luffy: "Oh, you suck at this!"

Second sailor on deck: "Oh my God, Fred, you suck!"

Sailor in crow's nest: "Fred, you suck!"

  Zoro: I dragged his ass two miles and you had the *bleep* key the whole *bleep* fucking time!?

  • Spell My Name with an "S": Defied; Zoro's full name is "Zolo Zoro".
  • Surrounded by Idiots: This is apparently the case for Captain Morgan, as his subordinates apparently don't understand literary devices such as sarcasm and metaphor. It's also possible he's constantly being tossed the Idiot Ball by underlings who go out of their way to Troll him.

 Capt. Morgan: I'm up to my tits in morons!

Capt. Morgan: Let's just stand around like idiots until someone does something!

 Buggy: I be a Clown Pirate.

Luffy: That's very interesting. You're very interesting.

 Luffy: "That stung like a woman with teeth in her beef portal!"

 Luffy: [It stands for] "Dee."

Zoro: Yeah, what's it stand for?

Luffy: "Dee." [etc.]

 (Luffy beats up four guys)

Luffy: "Ball four, take yer base!" (looks at camera) "Dammit, that was terrible!"

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