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Naruto Veangance Revelaitons (which is really meant to be "Naruto: Vengeance Revelations") is an In Name Only Naruto fanfiction written by BadassJakeT97 (AKA bonjoviboy97, motleycrunarutofan97 and Jake Tanner). The original posting of the fic, entitled "NARUTO veganse revelations Chaptyr 1", was deleted for its lack of proper spelling and grammar. Before the original's deletion, the fic had amassed around 160 reviews. The second posting of the fic was (unsurprisingly) deleted as well, no doubt for the same reasons. This posting had gathered 15 reviews or so. A third post was taken down in November of 2011 after amassing around 435 reviews, and the author's former stepbrother, Benji, has put it up again, so the fic is now on the fourth post.

The fic has been completed and lasted 69 chapters (with a 70th one provided by Benji), The story stars Ronan Beelzub (Beelzebub?) as he moves to Konohagakure, states the author's own opinions to the world and screws all the girls he can find. On the 8th of October, "Benji" took control of Jake Tanner's fanfiction.net account and posted an extra chapter in which Ronan is killed and the damage done was repaired. The story was then finally marked as complete, and has not been updated since.

The fic can be read here, but we must warn you that it's very NSFW. There is also a poll he made on his profile for readers to vote for which original characters they like. Ronan, of course, currently has the least, at one vote.

The author's Twitter account contains a considerable amount of Word of God and other information about the story, as well as whining about his personal life, and is available here. On the 29th of November, Benji once again hacked this account and included more information about additions Jake would have added but didn't get to.

Currently has three ongoing dramatic readings, one by gubgub434, another by TheMoiderahOfVideos and one by Gecko Ladie. Only time will tell if they will be able to finish their readings, or succumb to the fic's mind-raping capabilities.

Compare with My Immortal, Legolas By Laura|legolas by laura, Light and Dark - The Adventures of Dark Yagami, Face the Strange, My Inner Life and Nareto the Scret of Shiobi. Contrast with The Prayer Warriors and Starkits Prophecy, which are written in the same style, but have an almost completely opposite message.

Tropes used in Naruto Veangance Revelaitons include:


Tropes A-L

  • Aborted Arc: There was a prophecy in place saying that Taliana would help Ronan defeat Madara, but this turns out to be false upon Taliana's final Face Heel Turn and being killed off because the author broke up with his girlfriend.
  • Absurdly Youthful Mother:
    • Taliana takes this to its (il)logical conclusion, being significantly younger than her son. She also appears to be the mother of a dragon.
    • Sakura herself is a straight example, as she is said to be 13 at the start of the fic and 16 at the end. Twice, now!
  • Adam and Eve Plot: Ekaj and Atni are charged with repopulating the earth after Ronan killed it.
  • A Day in the Limelight: The fic confusingly switches its POV to "da cooger" in Chapter 7, but after a paragraph or so promptly switches back to Ronan's POV.
  • Aerith and Bob: Throughout the fic, characters are frequently given either a unique, Sdrawkcab, vaguely Japanese, or no name. This isn't the case with the host of the "hineki kojiyshai show", who's name is literally just Bob.
  • Air Vent Passageway: Ronan does this in order to escape from the council's true layer in Chapter 58.
  • All Gays Are Pedophiles: Technically, ephebophiles. When Edfred says he is gay, Ronan says that he doesn't have anything wrong with it unless he makes out with him (Ronan) or his boyfriend.
  • All Your Base Are Belong to Us: Konohagakure gets taken over by Sasuke.
  • Almost-Dead Guy: Kurotsuchi
  • Angrish:It's hard to tell given the poor spelling, but when Ronan learns that Sakura might be carrying Naruto's child, his speech becomes completely unintelligible.

Ronan: "WTFF BITHCKDNR,E D?EKRFMMFJF GROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WTF IS DIS SHIT! UR RIPPIN ME APART SAKURA!"

  • Anticlimax:
    • Very rarely do the "cliffhangers" result in anything much.
    • The final battle itself is also much more one-sided than virtually any one prior to that.
  • Anti-Hero: Ronan and Sakura are basically this, as well as Mandy and Da Cooger (before Jake killed them off permanently), and they all fall under Type IV, save for Ronan who is a Type V.
  • Apocalypse How: The Council wants a Class 6 on the entire world except the shinobi village (which by this point is under their control) and the US except for New York and California. While they don't fully succeed, Ronan helps them out by using his glowing blue jizz to cause a Class 3 on the planet, excluding the aforementioned areas.
  • Artistic License Biology:
    • Unless some time skips happened without the narration mentioning them, Sakura learns that she is pregnant within a few days of having sex with Ronan, and gives birth soon afterward. The second time around, it's similar, except it isn't until Chapter 59 that she finds out that she's pregnant, despite having had sex with Naruto in Chapter 22.
    • Ronan punching Sakura in the chest to hasten her second delivery is wrong on so many levels...
    • Sakura gives a blowjob to Ronan to heal a bullet wound. He comes back to life because he has an orgasm, and his semen goes into her lungs. That scene would be an Epic Fail, but the rest of the fic is no different.
    • When Ronan has Sakura cut off her vagina with scissors, then restores it to normal with his semen, the author even admits semen does not work that way.
    • Ronan's penis is impossibly long at every point except when, due to a typo, it was accidentally said to be four inches long. To make matters worse, the author claims his own penis is 17 inches long.
  • Artistic License Economics: Ronan drives a casino out of business by winning all its money. This is supposed to be anti-capitalist.
  • Artistic License Law: Ronan getting a divorce from Taliana goes forward without a hitch until Madara stands up and objects, at which point the judge denies it. The author attempts to justify this by having the judge turn out to be evil and corrupt.
  • Ascend to a Higher Plane of Existence: Ronan and Sakura, to have sex for all eternity.
  • As Long as It Sounds Foreign: Tadashiharakumaie, the only original character from the fic to have even a vaguely Japanese name.
  • Audio Erotica: Da cooger/Fiona/Tsunade/WGAF reveals her sultry voice with the supposedly sexy line "here are ur bedrooms fuckers". The cooger in the crystal ball has a similarly sexy voice. Ronan's voice in his dragon form is described as sexy. Additionally, Taliana is described as having the following voice:

"she [Taliana] ran around the room screaming in her realy deep voice tho her voice was still female it was like a slowded down version of her vouce but it was sexy"

  • Author Appeal: Expect Ronan to share any fetish that Jake has. And we mean any.
  • Author Filibuster: The "plot" (for lack of a better term) is frequently stopped in order for Jake/Ronan to bash anything and everything, including his own stepbrother. One Egregious example is when, after mentioning that he's wearing the same Power Armor that the Spartans wear in Halo, he launches into a tangent about how Halo is a good game, and some games that Benji likes, such as Bioshock, are bad.
  • Awesome Moment of Crowning: Ronan claims the throne of "king" of the Shinobi, by being the previous king's godson.
  • Baby Got Back: Sakura and Atni.
  • Back From the Dead:
    • Characters frequently die only to come back at a later point in the story, always being hand waved by the author... if he even attempts to explain it in the first place.
    • In Benj's ending, it turns out that Naruto and Kakashi survived.
  • Ballroom Blitz: Madara attacks the "Sibone" ball, and Ronan has to fight him.
  • Bastard Boyfriend: Ronan screams at Sakura whenever she does something he doesn't like, calls her a slut, a whore, and various other names, and even has her mutilate her vagina for cheating on him, (admittedly she proposed doing it, but it doesn't help his case that he told her to do it). And she stills stays with him and says he's a good person.
  • Beach Episode: Chapter 47.
  • Beauty Contest: Chapters 55 and 56.
  • The Bechdel Test: Amazingly enough, it passes the variant that does not require female characters to be named through some of the Council women's makeout sessions. This is shining proof that passing the Bechdel Test is not an indicator of a work being feminist.
  • Beige Prose: Aside from the sex scenes, which are described in.... painful detail, everything else falls under this trope.
  • Beta Couple: Ekaj and Atni.
  • BFS: The Sword of Ukijamaya, which is 14 feet long.
  • Big Beautiful Woman: There's a pageant for them at the hot springs festival. Ronan expresses his disgust at their perceived obesity and ruthlessly slaughters them all.
  • Bigger Is Better in Bed: Ronan has "a huge dick its almost 2 fet long and realy fat (plus i cum a lot ok)". Later descriptions suggest that it's four feet long, then five. On some occasions, it's so long that it hurts Sakura when it's stuck into her, verging on unintentional Deconstruction.
  • Big No: Used throughout the fic, as well as any possible misspelling of it, which eventually leads to this gem in Chapter 22:
  • Berserk Button: The author has a few major Berserk Buttons that are liberally alluded to within the story: his brother Benji, his stepmother, somebody even insinuating something bad about Katie or his other brothers, people who like Harry Potter, religious people (especially Christians, and he even targets agnostics later on), men who aren't completely heterosexual, modern music, and most of all, critics. Within the fic itself, Ronan's Berserk Buttons are... basically everything previously mentioned. Sakura has her own Berserk Button, however: If you criticize Ronan, she will bite your head off.
  • Black and Gray Morality: Ronan does many terrible things, including killing people who disagree with him and raping his girlfriends. The Council and their minions however, arguably have an even higher body count, and when they take over Konoha, establish a dictatorship, except in favor of everything Ronan and the author are against.
  • Brainwashed: The catgirls, the Mizukage, the Fourth Raikage, Darui, Killer Bee and his team, Sakura, and Kakashi
  • Break the Cutie: In Benji's ending, Sakura, after being released from Ronan's control, is traumatized by everything that's happened to her, but Naruto and Kakashi promise to help her work through it
  • The Bus Came Back: Team 7 apparently dies in the bombing of the temple, but Naruto returns in Chapter 20, Kakashi returns at the end of Chapter 35, and Sasuke returns in Chapter 40.
  • But Now I Must Go: Ronan and Sakura
  • Cain and Abel: In a rather complicated sense, Taliana and Mandy; Taliana is apparently a clone of Sakura and Mandy is Ronan and Sakura's daughter, making them half-siblings, although this is never commented upon. While Mandy appears to defect once, she seems to be the Abel and Taliana seems to be the Cain.
  • Call Back: When Sakura gets pregnant in Chapter 59, the next chapter includes a reference to the event that caused it, her having sex with Naruto 38 chapters earlier. This is in a fic in which events can be retconned or rendered meaningless in the next chapter.
  • Camp Gay: All homosexual males in the fic.
  • Captain Ersatz: The card duel in Chapter 53 is one for Yu-Gi-Oh!, because Benji warned the author about copyright issues.
  • Captain Obvious: Nary a chapter goes by without Jake writing something along the lines of "we went 2 the doko nd wen we gut ther we were there" or "my dick was 4 feet long. it was huge".
  • Catgirl: Madra's minions, known as the "LEATHER PUSSYS" are this. Additionally, the "FIRST REALY BIG TWIST" is Sakura becoming one in Chapter 29.
  • Caught with Your Pants Down: Sasuke catches Ronan sucking his own penis while looking at a picture of Sakura, prompting Ronan to shoot him with his blue light in retaliation. Later on, Ronan masturbates to Taliana raping Sakura until Taliana sees him, at which point he shoots her in the vagina and frees Sakura.
  • Chained to a Railway: Sakura after being resurrected.
  • Chivalrous Pervert: Ronan, though it's something of an Informed Ability. He supposedly only has sex with girls when they honestly want it, but that doesn't stop him from being abusive.
  • Chuck Cunningham Syndrome:
    • OrociMaury/Oricimura/Ociruamara/Ochimare/Whatever Jake wants, is originally the "villain" of the "story". After a confusing switch to Madara Madra, he's never mentioned again.
    • Tadashiharakumaie vanishes after the Cooking Duel and is never seen again.
  • Circling Birdies: Taliana after Ronan shoots her in such a way that she gets a "chunky organism"
  • Clean Pretty Reliable: Averted. Ronan tries to revive Taliana with CPR, only to find it apparently doesn?t work before she comes back anyway.
  • Cluster F-Bomb: Not one opening author's note lacks the F-word, and there's usually more than My Immortal.
  • Coitus Ensues: Frequent to the point where plot progression is actually slightly rarer.
  • Convection, Schmonvection: At several points through out the fic, characters are either dangling over or generally very close to lava. Of course, it never affects them. Though considering all of the fic's other logical failings, this is comparably small.
  • Convenient Coma: Sakura
  • Cooking Duel: Ronan gets challenged to one by Sasuke and Madara.
  • Cool Versus Awesome: Ronan in his dragon form vs. Naruto in his Humongous Mecha. Unfortunately, this is not nearly as exciting as it sounds.
  • Corrupt Corporate Executive: The head of the Kibusi Corporation, an organization unique to this fic, is this.
  • Costume Porn: During Chapter 19, Jake goes to into Tara-esque descriptions of Ronan and Sakura's outfits for the "sibone ball".
  • Country Matters: Would be barely worth noting, except for the bizarre phenomenon of "cunt" being the only word that Jake manages to spell correctly with any amount of consistency. Whether it's because he's paying special attention to it or because it only has four letters is left up to the reader to decide.
  • Crazy Jealous Guy: Naruto over Sakura. Ronan has aspects of this, as he becomes angry when Taliana sucks Madara's penis (even though he had divorced her), and is exceptionally furious when Sakura cheats on him.
  • Crossing the Desert: A miniature of this appears in Chapter 51 as the second round of the tournament.
  • Cucumber Facial: Both Sakura and Atni get one in chapter 55 in preparation for the beauty contest.
  • Curb Stomp Battle: Most fight scenes involve the villain showing up and Ronan beating the crap out of them. In a few exceptions, Ronan ends up getting defeated.
  • Cure Your Gays: Ronan turns a lesbian straight. Well, bisexual, anyway, but it's best not to mention that to the author.
  • Daddy DNA Test: Ronan get's one for Ekaj (by going onto the Hineki Kojiyoshai Show) right before Sakura gives birth to him - it turns out both Naruto and Ronan are the father. Really.
  • Darker and Edgier/Dark Fic: The author's stated intent.
  • Darkest Hour: Chapter 65. Ronan has been used to end the world, and has died in the process. True to form, however, he gets better in the next chapter.
  • Damned By Faint Praise: Kakashi

da cooger: "RONAN! I HAVE FAITH IN U! NOT THE XTIAN FATH DUH BUT THE GOOD FAT! U R STROG ND SO IS KAKSHI 2 I GUES"

  • Dear Negative Reader:
    • The author has a habit of writing politely-worded epistles to his readers in the chapter notes, generally in the format of "Authurs Note: GOD WTF u motherfuking alsohs ok duck u. justf uck you. I DONT NEED 2 CHANGE MY SPELING ITS GOOD BESIdes wtf d u guya kno! this is a gr8 story so just shut the fuk up and READ it u bitchcunties!"
    • However, in recent chapters, he's announced that he will no longer respond to reviewers. After a period of going back to writing author's notes, he now omits them entirely, or declares that he's ignoring the negative reviews.
  • Death Is Cheap
  • Department of Redundancy Department: Happens all the time, but the most exceptional example arguably occurs in Chapter 22, with the following lines:

"ok well shuld we go talk 2him???" i asked sakura "no i will nut u" she said but then i said "well i would be better at it u dont undertsand guys cunt" i said "well yes but im sure i can help i mean hes mad at u get it?" she said "well ok then but dont fucking screw it up!!!" i said "ok then goodbye" she said and then i reposnded "goodbye then" and she said "ok bye".

  • Despair Event Horizon: After Ronan's third death while destroying the world, Sakura, Atni and Ekaj prepare to kill themselves.
  • Deus Ex Machina:
    • All the time, but the biggest would have to be Ronan's ability of teleportation (or in one chapter, "telekeabortion").
    • Another exceptionally blatant example occurs in Chapter 18, when Ronan and Sakura are being pursued by Madara, and Taliana cuts them off. A bolt of lightning hits Taliana, knocking her out and enabling Ronan and Sakura to escape without Ronan having to do anything.
    • da cooger is a (un)living Deus Ex Machina, and has helped Ronan cheat death three times
  • Destination Defenestration: Ronan punches Madara through "the glas in his orifice that overlooked the fields" before escaping.
  • Did Not Do the Research:
    • The author has Ronan and Sakura attend a ball in highly inappropriate clothing, to say nothing of having sex in public. He claims it's because he based it off of memory of a ball and forgot what happened.
    • From the same chapter, see-through leather.
  • Disney Death
    • All three of Ronan's deaths. In the second one, it's partly lampshaded with the declaration that he "was dead 4 now".
    • Madara often suffers fatal injuries, some stated to be fatal, but typically comes back immediately until he is Killed Off for Real in the last chapter.
  • Disney Villain Death: Naruto's suicide and final death
  • Does This Make Me Look Fat?: In Chapter 56, after putting on their bikinis, Sakura asks the following of herself and Atni:

"o rona dos dis mak us look FART?"

"oh yes so much cum mmmm yes"" she sa nd took of her glasses nd ate them 2 get a goowd tast of da cum.

  • Face Heel Revolving Door: For a while, it seemed that the author simply couldn't make up his mind on whether he wanted Taliana, and even Ronan to be bad guys or good guys, as Ronan ended up working with the villains for significant stretches of time, while Taliana appeared to alternate between loyalty to Ronan and loyalty to Madara. However, it seems he finally decided: Ronan is good, Taliana is bad, although the latter was influenced in part by his breaking up with the girlfriend Taliana was based off of.
  • Face Heel Turn:
    • In Chapter 23, Naruto joins The Dark Side due to his severe jealousy of Ronan, despite killing himself in the previous chapter.
    • Possibly Sakura, after being turned Christian. Kakashi is also possible since he appeared as a contestant for the tournament, but he gets killed off before he can impede Ronan too much.
    • Sasuke as a result of being brainwashed
  • Failure To Understand The Basic Definition Of Logic: Ronan says "NO! ABSTNECE IS RONG! AL TENS SHULD B HAVINS EX! ITS COOOOL ND GRON UP 2 DO IT! ONLI LOSRS DONT HAV SEX AT DEENS! LIKE DIS GY BEBKI I KNO BUT ANYW!A!" in opposition to abstinence. The Council say that this is "logik" despite the fact that it lacks many basic elements of what constitutes a logical statement. It's not that Ronan's reasoning doesn't make sense, it's that he doesn't have any reasoning in the first place. He makes three conclusions (all teens should have sex, sex is cool and grown up, only losers don't have sex in their teens) without providing a single reason for any of them... and the Council calls this "logic".
  • Fake Defector: Ronan joins the Council, but plans on betraying them as soon as he can.
  • Family-Unfriendly Death: Taliana
  • Fat Bastard:
    • Sasuke of all people. The author also seems to dislike fat people, as he has Sasuke force everyone to gain weight.
    • Even Santa Claus appears as this in Chapter 68.
  • Festival Episode: Also Chapters 55 and 56.
  • Field of Blades: One appears in the tournament.
  • Filler: About 90% of the fic qualifies as this.
  • Five-Bad Band:
  • Flanderization: The author's views gradually take up more and more of the fic, as it goes from a standard God Mode Sue fic with chauvinist subtext to one in which Ronan fights against everyone and everything the author doesn't like.
  • Forgotten Fallen Friend: Mandy, and the rest of Team 7 are mostly forgotten after their deaths but this changes after the members of Team 7 return.
  • Freudian Slip:
    • In Chapter 9 it's mentioned that "all of a sudden she [Taliana] had 4 breats asecond pair of tits pooped out from her shit onto her chaste". Another good example would be in Chapter 23, when Jake mentions in his Author's Note that Katie has posted Part 2 of her fanfic "Reaper Girl": "ANYW SOGUYS KATIE PISSED THE SECON CHPTR OF RAPER GIRL HER TITS:"
    • The author occasionally inserts part of his name when typing Ronan's, such as "Jaronan" or "Jonan", showcasing how much of a Self-Insert Fic this is.
    • The author often switches Ronan and Naruto's names around, signifying Ronan's usurpation of the role of main character ("da evil ronan was dead")
    • In Chapter 63, Ronan's son, Nanor, changes his name to Ekaj, which is Jake spelled backwards.
    • At one point early on in the story, the author gets Sakura and Sasuke somewhat mixed up, leading to a rather awkward moment where Ronan is rushing off to save Sasuke from Orochimaru because s/he's hot. Considering how totally not gay Ronan is, this is a bit of a surprise.
    • "if ANY OF YOU FUCKING FUCKERS FUCKING DISS KATIE I WILL FUCKING CUM AND GAT U FUCKERS. FUCKING FUCK!"
  • Furo Scene: With the brunette haired council woman in Chapter 57.
  • Giant Space Flea From Nowhere: The dragon Ronan fights in chapter 17 is never mentioned before or since.
  • Girl-On-Girl Is Hot: To the point where non-consensual lesbian Parental Incest is considered acceptable (indeed, encouraged), where a gay guy merely kissing his boyfriend is not.
  • Giving Someone the Pointer Finger: Ronan, to the third place girl at the pageant.
  • Good People Have Good Sex: Inverted - the protagonists' sex scenes tend to be stranger, more fetishistic, and sometimes more abusive. Then again, they aren't exactly good people despite being the heroes.
  • Have I Mentioned I Am Heterosexual in the Last 5 Seconds?: Ronan constantly feels the need to tell everyone he's straight at any moment where anything even moderately sexual (or not sexual at all [1]) happens between him and another guy. This leads to a particularly cruel moment where he kills a guy for asking to have sex with him, all the while ranting about how gross it is, which leads to him screwing the guy's supposedly lesbian friend.
  • Headbutt Thermometer: Ronan does this to see if Sakura is telling the truth about being pregnant ( again, that is). Yes, really.
  • Hermaphrodite: Sakura, apparently...

"tjen i started 2 fingr her cunt realy hard and juicy girtl cum was flowin frum her dick like a waterfal"

  • Hero Antagonist: Edfred could certainly qualify.
  • Hollywood Atheist: The protagonists in general.
  • Hot Springs Episode: Also chapters 55 and 56. Although in this case, by the end of their trip to the festival Ronan and his harem somehow manage to replace the water in the hot springs with their cum. It's supposed to stay that way forever, too.
  • Humongous Mecha: Naruto employs one.
  • I Lied: A female member of the Council tries to say that they don't need Ronan or his family, but the gray-haired man convinces her to change her mind.
  • I'm a Humanitarian:
    • Madara becomes one. No, really. In fact, in Chapter 13, he eats Mandy, who apparently is "delicious" and Madra can even "taste her pussy juice". However, she gets better.
    • In Chapter 28, he tries to eat Ronan, but ends up eating some of the catgirls instead.
  • The Immodest Orgasm: Taken Up to 11. Like you're surprised. The entry right below this one is a good example of just how "immodest" they can get...
  • Improbable Weapon User: Ronan destroys the world with his ejaculate.
  • Incest Is Relative: Ronan and Sakura have sex with their daughter/Sakura's clone, and Ronan has sex with Taliana... even after he learns that she's his mom.
  • In Name Only: If the characters and some locations didn't share the same names as the Canon Naruto characters and locations, you'd never be able to guess that this was a Naruto fanfic.
  • Insane Troll Logic: A few examples.

"but then mandy reveaked that she was a clone born frm skura and not my daugbter so i could have sex with her and it would be incest ok.?"

"?but skura liked it so it wasnt rapde do u c dn?"

Tropes M-Z

  • Making Love in All the Wrong Places: Ronan tends to have sex anywhere he goes, including in public, which is met with surprisingly few objections from authority. In fact, very rarely do characters actually have sex in bed. Except for Chapter 50.
  • The Man Behind the Man: The Council apparently gives orders to Madara and the president of the Kibusi corporation, and has several powerful individuals in its membership.
  • Marry Them All: Initially, Ronan marries Sakura, Mandy and Taliana. However, it doesn't last long.
  • Men Don't Cry: Ronan says that he doesn't cry often because he's male.
  • Mind Over Matter: Taliana can use telekinesis on Sakura.
  • Mood Swinger: Sakura; big time.
  • Motorcycle on the Coast Road: On the way to the Hot Springs Festival.
  • Mud Wrestling: Sakura vs. Taliana, Chapter 14 and 32.
  • My Girl Is a Slut: When Ronan wants Sakura to get a DNA test, he calls her a whore. She agrees.
  • Mundane Utility: Ronan's healing powers are extremely useful for patching his partners back together after (and sometimes during) the latest marathon sex session.
  • New Powers as the Plot Demands: Ronan is constantly given new powers over the course of the fic, which he often seems to later forget even having.
  • No Bisexuals:
    • Played straight for most of the fic, with such lines as the following:

"i yelled WHAT R YU DOIN! Y R U LISBON? den mandy and sakura said that they were lesbians but that they diud love me i was the only guy who could make them fee good with my giant fucking duck in fact they said that when dey were with me they were str8"

    • Later on, the author begrudgingly admits that the girls would yes, infact, be bisexual, "but lezbian just sound hotter so fuck off."
    • Jake does it again in Chapter 25. While addressing a female reviewer who said she was bi, he mentions that "lol guys cant b bi evry1 knos dat xd!" Apparently, this is because guys are gay if they have sex with each other, and if they have sex with girls after that, they're still gay.
  • No-Holds-Barred Beatdown:
    • Sakura, of all people, gets to do this to Taliana
    • And Ronan does the same in the next chapter, killing her.
  • No Indoor Voice:
    • Edfred never stops yelling at Ronan and Sakura.
    • For that matter, ANY TIME SOMEONE SPEAKS WITH EVEN A SLIGHTLY RAISED VOICE OR THE AUTHOR WANTS TO EMPHASIZE SOMETHING, IT AND THE REST OF THE SENTENCE ARE WRITTEN IN ALL CAPITALS!
  • No Name Given: The Council and their minions apart from Taliana, Naruto, Sasuke and Madara.
  • Nobody Poops: Averted, as per Author Appeal. The details are probably best left unmentioned.
  • Obligatory Swearing: So, SO MUCH.
  • Off With Their Heads:
    • Da Cooger and a man from the xtian army.
    • Ronan in Benji's ending.
  • Omniscient Council of Vagueness: First appears in chapter 25, and eventually replace Orochimaru and Madara as the main villains. Although, they're also somewhat of a subversion, as starting around Chapter 44, they make their intentions very clear, and start becoming very active in their fight against Ronan.
  • One-Man Army: Ronan takes on the big evil xtian army with the help of Ekaj in Chapter 68.
  • Only Mostly Dead: Ronan after destroying the world. Madara gets quite a few seemingly fatal injuries, but comes back with no explanation.
  • OOC Is Serious Business: While consistent characterization is not the fic's strong point, Sakura refusing to go with Ronan in spite of her earlier submissive behavior after awakening from her coma as a Christian is shocking to him.
  • Our Dragons Are Different: An "ugly and stupid" dragon attacks Ronan and Sakura as they escape from the rice fields, but Ronan defeats it easily.
  • Out of Character: EVERYONE. The only people who aren't are the OCs, and even then, they aren't always portrayed consistently.
  • Outrun the Fireball: Exploited, and complete with Slow Motion, in Chapter 27:

"and then stha sceen blew da fuk up and we had 2 run out very slowy as da theatr blew up hugely"

"roane wil nevr make it in2 r fotress curc! hes nevr gona be able 2! muhahhaa!" sad the bron haird wman but ten tha council herd a rcord scatch becus i had just cum inside them! "NOOOOO!" eylld all 4 of tem!

  • Redundancy Department of Redundancy: Atni has a "dustr 4 dusting" in her Meido outfit. Ironically, she never actually uses it.
  • The Rest Shall Pass: Team 7 tries to do this for Ronan on Orochimaru, but they're defeated one by one.
  • Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue: A... more obscene version of this trope than usual; In Chapter 62, Ronan, while working for the council, sends a love letter to Sakura saying "roses r red violas r blu iv got a hug fuking dik nd hey u natsy slut i fucin luv u!". Sakura apparently loves said letter so much, that "she crid like the litle bitch she is ten she shovd it in2 her cunt nd jakcd herself off wit it!!!!"
  • Rouge Angles of Satin: The author's grasp of the English language could possibly be improved by stitching his hands to it. See the excerpts on this page.
  • Schizo-Tech: Uses it even more than Naruto does, often giving the impression that the author set it in the present day.
  • Secondary Character Title: Naruto, despite not doing much, gets his name in the title.
  • Self-Destruct Mechanism: Activated by Madara.
  • Self-Insert Fic: To the point where it can be difficult for a reader to determine whether the purpose of the story is to be a derivative work of Naruto or a wildly-embellished catalogue of the author's own self-proclaimed sexual experiences.
  • Sequelitis: In-universe version: Ronan owns a porno entitled i need to fart 8.
  • Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness: Edfred.
  • Sex Face Turn: The catgirls and Mizukage.
  • Sex Is Evil and I Am Horny: The female council members and Sakura, while she's brainwashed.
  • Ship Sinking: After Naruto, Sasuke and Kakashi are apparently killed in the temple's destruction, it is pointed out that Sakura and Mandy "loved them AS FRIEND not a lovers they al had mal cocks so they coulnt love them it wastn cool". Following chapters bring them back, but have Naruto and Sasuke turn evil, with Naruto dying, and Kakashi essentially becomes Ronan's sidekick.
  • Shock and Awe: Taliana.
  • Single-Stroke Battle: Ronan vs. Sasuke and Madara.
  • Skyward Scream:
    • The catgirls, after Madara eats a few of them
    • Ronan, after coming back to life in Chapter 66.
  • Slashed Throat: Zabuza
  • Sliding Scale of Gender Inequality: An extreme Type 2. Perhaps the most egregious example is when Ronan defeats Mei the Mizukage in one attack, then tells her "haha dumb bslut u cant beat me! its ok tho i know ur a girl so its ok tho", and she immediately asks to have sex with Ronan. Granted, the Council is initially 2/5 female, then half female and the female members have more dialogue than the males, but they're ultimately unable to defeat Ronan and their feminism is portrayed as a bad thing.
  • So Beautiful It's a Curse: During Chapter 22, Ronan whines that "its really hard to be awesome like me i hav so much presure and problems!" At the time, Naruto is severely jealous of how much better Ronan is.
  • So Unfunny It's Funny: Unintentional example. Many of Ronan's "jokes" fall under this.
  • Spikes of Villainy: The Christian army.
  • Spoiler Title:
    • Chapter 34: SAKURAS COMA
    • Chapter 44: ILAUMINATI
    • Chapter 66: RONA DEYOPS THA WORLD
    • Chapter 69: RONAN WINS
  • Square-Cube Law: Violated, naturally. Taliana is 12 feet tall, yet she experiences absolutely no ill effects whatsoever. On the other hand, she's only mentioned to be 12 feet tall once or twice - it's possible she shrunk back down to regular size at some point, or the author just forgot.
  • Stay in the Kitchen: Every female character.
  • Stripperiffic: Sakura's ballgown.
  • Stuff Blowing Up: Buildings will frequently explode without any explanation right after the main characters leave them (and sometimes, while they're still in them), simply to be Handwaved as some unannounced plot by the villains - if it even gets that much of an explanation. Though considering Jake several times mentions his love for Transformers 2/Michael Bay, this shouldn't be too surprising.
  • Stylistic Suck: The author is going for this with Taliana's song, but it's hard to tell the difference between it and Ronan's comparably poorly-written song lyrics.
  • Surprise Incest: Taliana is Ronan's mother and a clone of Sakura, meaning that he's been having sex with his mother from the beginning.
  • Surprise Santa Encounter: Yes, really. In chaper 68, Santa Claus appears, and is subsequently blasted "2 a krillion pecies" in order to further the author's agenda..
  • Swiss Army Tears: In Chapter 12, Ronan is killed by Madra during his wedding to Sakura, Mandy and Taliana. However, their tears, as well as the attendees' tears, bring him back to life so he can have a Curb Stomp Battle with Madora.
  • Switching POV: As mentioned above, da Cooger gets a brief period as narrative POV character, and the setting briefly switches to third person perspective when Sakura cheats on Ronan with Naruto. The fic also switches away from Ronan?s perspective when the action shifts to the Council.
  • Swirling Dust: Happens right before the card duel in Chapter 53.
  • Take That: to *takes big breath* Men who aren't 100% heterosexual, Western Animation, Harry Potter, Bioshock, Okami, Lady Gaga, Drake, Justin Bieber, Hip Hop music, Country Music, Modern Music, Pulp Fiction, Vertigo, Taxi Driver, Blade Runner, silent film, Capitalism, The U.S., Asian food (unless it's Sushi), fat people, rap, the author's stepmother and stepbrother... *collapses from lack of breath*. In short, anything and everything Jake doesn't like.

so we went out onstage dressed as tha msastr cheifs from Halo (dats my favorite came of all ime it fukin rox i tried playin dat gam Bioshock my bro siad dat was bettr and that fukin suckd thats so fuckin boring wh cas about a scity under water and wtf does sum bitch named anne randy hav 2 do with a fuckin video gam? wh tha fuk is that::::

"llol guys hav u heard this 1 its gr8" ok yes "what did the flamers say 2 tha fanfic writer" "i dont kno wat sakura" "u suck" "haha but then what" she then said bak 2 me "well then the fanfic writer said bak... u guys need 2 stop smoking its bad 4 u!" "LMAO1! I getddit becus the flamers r callded flamers and flames have smoke lol dats funny!"

    • And one in chapter 31:

"well 1 day n xtian walks in2 budling nd finds out evry2 is an atiest. he says dere all gunna burn in hell" so wat den king ronan! "Well the atiests say: we dont believe in Hell. so i guess well just hav 2 burn in flames here!" (GET THAT FLAMERS HAHA!)

  • That Was Objectionable: Madara objects to the judge's ruling during Ronan's attempt to divorce Taliana, overturning it. By the end of the next chapter, however, Ronan divorces Taliana.
  • The Chosen One: From Chapter 16 and on, it's mentioned several times that Ronan is the chosen one to destroy the world. Toward the end of the fic, he actually does it. Earlier on, he's considered the chosen one to defeat Orochimaru..
  • The Thing That Goes Doink: Surprisingly mentioned in chapter 55, although Ronan winds up destroying it as it annoys him and Sakura. According to an elderly woman who comes running out upon hearing the sounds of its destruction, it "was hundeds of yrds old". Naturally, Ronan doesn't care about that, and winds up leaving the poor woman in tears.
  • This Cannot Be!: The Council, after learning that Ronan survived the end of the world
  • This Is for Emphasis, Bitch: Several examples, such as:

Sakura: (to Taliana) "we are divorcing you BITCH"

"THIS! MEANS! WARRRRRRRRR!"

    • Sakura in Benji's ending, when killing Ronan

"FUCK. YOU."

i [Ronan] was dead all the girls were crying and screaming they needed me they luved me "omg ronan u cant die... how is this possible nOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" "he was 2 good 4 us and tha world tahts y ronan died madara is a monstr" said talia na and all the girls farted 2 cry on me but so then a blue glow came from by mody and i flooded upwards an grew 69 (lol) feet tall and i picked up all the weddong food and ate it all at once and then i flew away "he is alive omg! we luv u ronan fight madara fight him" "it was tha tears of all us who luv whim that brught him bak get itd?" sad taliana 2 overone

  • Torches and Pitchforks: In Chapter 64, the citizens of Konohagakure show up holding them in reaction to the news that Ronan would (finally) destroy the world.
  • Tournament Arc: Chapter 50 to 54.
  • Troll Fic: It's certainly possible.
  • Trope Overdosed: There's quite a few tropes in this fic, from the ones associated with the setting, to the ones associated with bad writing, to the cliches the author fell back on, to ones that were put in for the sake of having them.
  • Underdressed for the Occasion: Ronan and Sakura's ball outfits, especially Sakura wearing a baseball cap (and at that, one that says "RONAN IS SO HOT" on it).
  • Unfamiliar Ceiling: Ronan and Sakura pass out after drinking and using drugs, and wake up in Madara's lair.
  • Vampiric Draining: The giant flies in Chapter 50.
  • Verbal Tic: The author will end sentences with "ok" when he's particularly insistent on making a point.
  • Very Loosely Based on a True Story: At the end of Chapter 7, the author explains that "AND SOMEBODY SAID IM A TROL I AM NOT FUCK OU JUST BECAUS I DON HAV THE BES SPELLIN OR GRAMMER DOSNT MEAM I AM A TROLL BESDIS THIS IS BASED ON A TRUE SORY OK FUCK OFF u fake naruto fans whatecer.!." The 'very loosely', of course, comes from the fact that this is a Naruto fanfic starring a boy with a four-foot penis.
  • Viewers are Morons: No joke goes by without an explanation by the author, which usually includes him literally insulting the readers' intelligence. The following is a good example; In chapter 19 it's mentioned that Sakura "had purse that was a scull nd japwnes rwiritng pinted on." In the next sentence, this happens:

"the lady who workd there said oo that looks very hot on u bitch how bat we fuck and they did sakuras strted 2 shove the scull purse in2 the ladys cunt and she scull fuked her (ROTFL DID U C WAT I DID THERE FUFCKERS? i bet u didnt LOL 11!)"

  • Villain Ball: Orochiwhatever before he's Brother Chuck'd. His replacement Madara inherits the villain ball, passing up several opportunities to kill Ronan while he's unconscious or otherwise incapacitated. The Council also picks up the ball when they become the main antagonists.
  • Villain Exit Stage Left: The villains, especially Orochimaru, often escape without Ronan making any effort to chase or finish them off.
  • Villain Protagonist: Ronan, arguably. See Face Heel Revolving Door.
  • Villainous Breakdown: The Council in Chapter 68.
  • Villains Never Lie: Lampshaded with Orochimaru ("I KEW HE WAST LYING BECAUSE HE WAS EVIL"). Subverted when the Council tricks Ronan into making Sakura Christian with the antidote to wake her from her coma, even after he has them confirm it's not poison.
  • Villains Out Shopping: Madara and Sasuke play some Infamous and Red Dead Redemption late in the fic, but this is intended to show their lack of taste in games.
  • Villains Want Mercy: After Ronan defeats them, da Council begs for their lives, offering the women as Ronan's sex slaves and the men as household servants, but refuses to convert to atheism or "logicalness". Ronan then kills them.
  • Wacky Wayside Tribe: Too many to count. Basically, everything that doesn't have to do with the "plot" of Madora being evil and stuff.
  • Weaksauce Weakness:
  • We Are Team Cannon Fodder: Naruto, Sasuke and Kakashi contribute nothing significant while fighting alongside Ronan. Ronan takes them along on the mission to save Sakura from Orochimaru despite knowing that they're much weaker than he is.
  • Wedding Smashers: Madara attacks Ronan at his wedding.
  • Wham! Episode: Jake tries to invoke this at various milestones in the story, by designating certain chapters as having major twists. Chapter 39 and 40, however, shake things up with the revelations that the antidote turns Sakura Christian and while Ronan was away, Sasuke took over his kingdom.
  • Wham! Line
    • Chapter 14: "JAKE! U MUST KNOWETH SOMETHING! TALIANA! SHE IS THOU MOTHER!"
    • Chapter 39: "well, u c that was an anitdote 2 wake her up, but it also terns hur... CHRISTIN!"
    • And again in the next chapter

Female Council Member: "WE HAVE BEEN ARUND 4 EVR. U C... WE R NOT JUST XTIANS ND FEMINSTS... WE R THE ILLUMANITI!"

    • In Chapter 49. Note that Sakura isn't dead when they say this

The Council: "WE WILL BRIN SKURA BAK 2 LIF AS AN ATIEST IF U WIN THE KOBSUSI CORPATION ND U.S. GOVRMENT SPONERSD GTOURNENT TAT WE HAV ENTRED U IN!"

    • Chapter 70
  • "What?" Cliffhanger: At the end of Chapter 6, Mandy betrays the others to Orochimaru, but in the next chapter, this is forgotten about and she's another of his prisoners.
  • What the Hell, Hero?: Edfred is the only one who tries to call out Ronan on his behavior.
  • When the Clock Strikes Twelve: Ronan will end the world at midnight.
  • Why Don't Ya Just Shoot Him?: Subverted. The "hero" of the fic, Ronan, is shot at several times with various weapons (including a bazooka).... they just don't have any effect.
  • Wire Dilemma: In the final chapter, although the author, possibly due to not understanding the trope, does it in a highly unorthodox way that could be considered an inversion. It's implied that the blue wire for the washtub intended to crush the Council is to be used as the detonation trigger.
  • Word of God: There is an Author's Note in every chapter. They almost always revolve around bashing the critics, and often attempt to justify the Unfortunate Implications.
  • Word of Saint Paul: Benji's post-series notes are this, although they are based off Jake's notes.
  • Word Salad Title:
    • Ronan's porn films, which have the names "tight pussy lesbian sluts sucking dick", "jizz on my glasses 4", and "i need to fart 8". The story's title itself could be thought of as this, assuming it isn't a reference to the song Vengeance's Revelation.
    • There's also Chapter 47's title.... "saturway 2 big suckin cok". Whatever that means.
  • The Worf Effect: Ronan starts losing more often midway through the fic, as a result of the author trying to make him seem more believable. He also establishes his God Mode Sue credentials by defeating Orochimaru when Team 7 fails.
  • Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe: Madra speaks like this. The author claims that he traveled back in time to the 1800s, and picked up this habit while there... presumably by picking up a poorly-edited antique copy of the King James Bible and refusing to leave his room for the remainder of the sojourn.
  • You Keep Using That Word: The author keep talking up how "logical" he and Ronan are when his fic has very little in the way of logic.
  • Your Cheating Heart: This is taken up to 11 in Chapter 22 when Sakura cheats on Ronan with Naruto (in fact, she has to engage in genital mutilation as punishment... which never happens when Ronan cheats.
  • You Are Better Than You Think You Are: Edfred to Sakura after she kills Ronan in Benji's chapter.
  • You Are Too Late: The Council to Sakura and Atni.
  • You Have Failed Me: The Council does this to the president of the Kibusi Corporation, Madara and Taliana, although the latter two are later brought back.
  • You Have Outlived Your Usefulness: The second President of the Kibusi Corporation
  • Your Head Asplode: Expanding upon the Immodest Orgasm, this happens to Sakura and Mandy because Ronan has too much cum. Naturally, they get better, in one of the biggest examples of an Ass Pull the fic has ever given:

"but then i realized i had so much um inside me dat it would hert them if i cumed but it was 2 late i did and their heads exploded ecause of how much cum there was. i was devastded i didnt kno war 2 doo but it wasok i got a magican shobobi spell and made there head grew back"


Tropes Associated With the Dramatic Readings

*Throws copy of "The Female Eunuch" at Jake*

"I will never go away, Jake. I'm not gonna stop [reading] this fic until it's over."

  • Downer Ending: Gecko's alternative ending as an April Fools Day joke. She ends up stuck in the fanfiction until Ronan is destroyed.
  • Driven to Suicide: Played for Laughs by each of them.
  • Flat What: Moid, all the time. Not that listeners/readers are reacting much differently...
  • Go Into the Light: After reading of Ronan being mortally wounded in his car accident in Chaper 23, Gub tells him to go toward the "light" (in his case, to Fire and Brimstone Hell), but is disappointed when da cooger saves him.
  • Heroic BSOD: Both of them.
  • Insane Troll Logic: Moid uses this phrase when the author claims that anyone who dislikes this fic dislikes anime.
  • Laughing Mad: Occasionally.
  • Large Ham: The Moiderah, at all times. Gubgub lapses into this when voicing Edfred and the voice from the crystal ball.
  • Mind Rape: What they're experiencing.
  • Prophecies Are Always Right: Discussed in Gub's reading, when she mentions Harry Potter and Oedipus also disbelieved their prophecies, only for them to come true.
  • Protagonist-Centered Morality: Inverted in Gubgub's reading. She says that cheating is wrong unless Ronan is the one being cheated on.
  • Reality Ensues: Gub on a few occasions
    • On Ronan going into space with Sakura

"And then their heads imploded from a lack of oxygen"

    • On Ronan leaving the stage after ejaculating on the audience.

"...never to return, because we got kicked out"

  • "The Reason You Suck" Speech: Almost every other episode of these has one directed toward Jake.
  • Schedule Slip: Moid stopped updating in August, 2011, and though occasionally saying he is coming back, has yet to do so. Gub, meanwhile, has been somewhat more prolific, but has been having increasingly large gaps in-between updates. However, in a truly epic and bizarre coincidence, right after Gub started updating again in March, so did Moid; and they were then joined by a third dramatic reader, known as Gecko Ladie.
  • Shout-Out: Naturally. Mostly to Anime, other badfics, and Western Animation, though.
  • Sympathetic Adulterer: Gub describes Naruto as one, in a Pay Cheating Unto Evil sense.
  • Throw the Book At Them: *throws copy of "The Female Eunuch" at Jake*
  • Yaoi Fangirl: Gub, in part. She gets excited whenever the author puts in accidental Ho Yay, and gets disappointed when he reminds everyone he's not gay

...Naruto Veangance Revelaitons|And here's a drinking game!

Notes

  1. then all of a sudden a magical note appeard and it said that we wur invited 2 attend a ball. "wtf fuck dat shit balls r 4 fags get it?"
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