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Though not by any definition particularly heroic, these are the protagonists of the story. They mainly consist of Ebony and goffic versions of the main characters of Harry Potter. They are distinguished from the rest of the world by subscribing to tastes in clothes, music, and other such things that the author likes. In reality, most of the "goffik" things are in fact not gothic in nature (usually instead being emo or completely unrelated). Thus, the difference between "da real goffs" and "posers" are completely arbitrary.

Tropes present in more or less all goffs:

Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way

The main character of the story. A Mary Sue pastiche (if you subscribe to the theory that this is in fact a parody fic, rather than something entirely serious), she spends the book story series of words series of letters/symbols going to Good Charlotte and My Chemical Romance concerts and doing it with Draco. She has long, raven ebony black hair with purple streaks and red tips, icy blue eyes "like limpid tears" (even when they've mysteriously turned red) and only wears clothing from Hot Topic. Also the lead vocalist of a band named Bloody Gothic Rose 666. Often cries and slits her wrists, although this hasn't killed her yet.

Tropes associated with Ebony:

  • Anti-Hero: Type V. Nothing good she does is ever done for the right reason.
  • Anything That Moves: Though she's more of a slut towards guys; her bisexuality is an Informed Trait.
  • Author Avatar: If it's not a parody.
  • Brilliant but Lazy: Even Voldemort can't take Ebony in a fight, but it's highly irregular for her to actually do anything useful.
  • Common Mary Sue Traits
  • Cluster F-Bomb: Typically her first line of defense when confronted by a physical threat (or a situation not going her way).
  • Disproportionate Retribution: When she and Britney have a confrontation, Britney makes a few off-hand remarks and mocks Enoby. What does Ebony do in response? Use a curse to torture her.
    • Granted, Britney did free Snap, Loopin and Hargrid free from "Azkabian."
    • A more extreme example: When Ebony and "Satan" are making out while taking each others' clothes off and someone tells them that they can't do that (since they're watching a movie in public), Ebony drains her blood.
  • Fan Hater: Ebony's hatred of "preps". As far as she's concerned, anyone who doesn't wear black, shop at Hot Topic and listen to the emo bands she likes, is obviously a Hilary Duff fangirl who wears pink and shops at Abercrombie & Fitch. Yes, even the male characters considered "preps" are essentially Hilary Duff fangirls.
  • Fan Nickname: Thanks to the number of misspellings of her name, she's been dubbed "Enoby" by the fandom.
  • Goff: Seems to think she is.
  • Hypocrite: She talks enthusiastically about how hot gay guys are, then accuses Draco of having AIDS (or "AIDs") when she thinks he's cheated on her with Vampire. Tara also insults the reviewers by calling them "gay fags".
    • Substituting milk with blood in her cereal doesn't exactly help her case on the former either.
    • She claims to not be a slut, yet she has an orgy in the penultimate chapter.
  • Inexplicably Awesome: Ebony has no Backstory -- she might just as well have fallen out of the sky and landed on Hogwarts grounds just before the start of the first chapter.
  • Informed Attribute: Draco mentions once that she's bisexual, despite her showing no sexual interest in girls throughout the whole story.
  • Informed Ability: She is too good at too many things, but it's never shown what she is good at. In chapter 22 it is revealed she is also the only person who can kill Voldemort, but after this reveal, nothing is shown on why she is the chosen one. The only place she actually does anything is in bed, with someone else.
  • Jerkass
  • Kaleidoscope Eyes: Probably unintentional. In Chapter 22 her eyes are "crimson", yet three chapters later they're back to "icy blue".
    • That said, though, earlier in the story it mentions that she wears crimson contacts upon occasion.
  • Making Love in All the Wrong Places: Draco's room is all well and good. The Forbidden Forest probably borders the very outer limits of "normal". But a classroom where a class is in session just isn't the right place to make love.
    • She later does it in a coffin.
    • There are also two brief incidents which are overlooked due to the Negative Continuity which occurs right after them. At one point in chapter 12 Ebony and Vampire find each other in a crowded Hogwarts hallways and, according to Enoby, "jumped on each other and started screwing each other." They stop when Professor McGoggle yells at them. In chapter 38 when Enoby and Satan are on their date at the movies, she actually begins to write it out like a typical "My Immortal" sex scene in a crowded theater until a woman interrupts them. After that, they just leave the theater, Tara apparently forgetting about the clothes they took off and never put back on.
  • Meaningful Name: Besides the Ebony Dark'ness yadda yadda, she (and the story) clearly lives up to the "Dementia" part.
  • Mood Swinger: Made all the more... interesting by Tara's Beige Prose hardly ever giving a clue as to why she, for example, suddenly becomes very angry, even though it's written in first person.
  • Our Vampires Are Different: The only effects her vampirism seems to have are her immunity to bullets and her habit of drinking blood. She says she can be killed by a steak and a "c-r-o-s-s", but at another point in the story seems to forget about the cross and wears cross earrings.
  • Overly Long Name
  • Psychic Powers: Has rather useless visions and can send "telepathetic massages" using her vampire powers.
  • Punctuation Shaker: Assuming the apostrophe in her name is meant to be there and isn't a comma that died of despair in the previous line.
  • Suspiciously Specific Denial: "You might think I’m a slut but I’m really not."
  • Tears of Blood
  • So Beautiful It's a Curse: "Why couldn't Satan have made me less beautiful?" It doesn't help that her actual physical description makes her sound rather unattractive.
  • Yaoi Fangirl: "bi guyz r sooo sexah!11"

Misspellings: Enoby, Ebory, Ebondy, Enony, Evony, Ibony, Enobby, Enopby, Egogy, Eboby, TaEbory, Tata, Tara

Draco Malfoy

Ebony's boyfriend and Harry Vampire's ex-boyfriend. He's timid, sensitive, and as big of a goff as Enoby. Constantly worries about her leaving him and seeks her reassurance that she'll stay with him about once every three seconds. In return, Ebory shows him No Sympathy both times he's caught in a compromising situation in which the explanation is blindingly obvious and Ebony's interpretation is wildly illogical. Once burst into one of Enoby's classes completely naked. Obviously Out of Character.

Tropes associated with Draco:

  • Cool Car: A flying black Mercedes-Benz (with the number 666 on the license plate).
  • Bi the Way
  • Bound and Gagged: Implied (VOLFEMORT HAS HIM BONDAGE!)
  • Draco in Leather Pants: A literal example, when he actually wears pants.
  • Driven to Suicide: Twice, apparently. The first time, after Voldemort's first appearance, he gets mad at Enoby for not telling her about it. The second time, after Snap did it with him, Enoby doesn't show him sympathy. He gets better after both times with no explanation.
  • Fantastic Racism: Probably the only trait he has that's remotely in character.
  • Seme: To "Vampire"'s Uke. Though given how both of them seem to cry and slit their wrists 90% of the time...
  • Shallow Love Interest
  • Unexplained Recovery: Inexplicably reappears in the story after Dumbledore says that he's dead. Twice. The first time it appears that Volfemort has him bondage. The second time he just appears when Ebony is looking for him.
  • Voluntary Shapeshifting: Seems to be capable of it in chapter 15, in which he apparently infiltrates Ebony's advanced Biology class disguised as a pentagram (yes, really) who then proceeds to turn into a black guitar, and then back to his usual form.

Misspellings: Drago, Drako, Drake, Drico, Darko, Dracko

Harry "Vampire" Potter

Bisexual goff who's Drago's ex-boyfriend and Ebony's "friend". Replaced his scar with a pentagram which he covers up with foundation. Does not seem to care about killing Volxemort anymore. In fact, his primary concern now seems to be the bizarre Love Triangle he's in with Enoby and Drako. On the one hand, Enoby is torn between the two of them and both are attracted to her. On the other, Darko and "Vampire" are also attracted to each other which Enoby finds hot. Note how although this triangle causes a great deal of Wangst, there is literally no way Ebony can lose. Oh, and Enoby also stole the chosen one position he had in the books. Again, OOC.

Tropes Associated With "Vampire"

  • Awesome McCoolname
  • Bi the Way
  • Cool Car: Oddly enough, he has a flying black car, too. His Dogfather Serious gave it to him.
  • Dogged Nice Guy A possible interpretation of him.
  • In Name Only
  • Manly Tears: Subverted. Not only is he crying and slitting his wrists all the time, he also cries when Snoop is about to torture him. Remember, men NEVER cry out of fear!
  • Perma Stubble: "He had a manly stubble on his chin."
  • Uke: To Draco's Seme. Though given how both of them cry and slit their wrists 90% of the time....
  • Vampire Vannabe: He's not actually a vampire. He just "love[s] the taste of human blood".

Misspellings: Vampir[1], Vampure, Vampira, Vrompire, Hairy

B'loody Mary Smith (Theoretically Hermione Granger)

Another one of Ebony's goffik friends. Often makes use of Gratuitous Japanese, particularly the word kawaii kawai. She moved to Slytherin after she converted Satanism, which was presumably when she decided to name herself after a cocktail. OOC. (Note, her name is pronounced "Buh-loody")

Tropes associated with "B'loody Mary":

  • In Name Only: The real Hermione is a bookworm, obsessed with getting good grades, and is someone who is clearly her own person. In My Immortal, she doesn't touch a single book and is almost scared when Enoby assumes she is a prep.
    • Although when she confesses to killing Willow (and Loopin then doing it with her body), her emphasis on Willow's being expelled as more important is a hilarious moment of actually being in-character.
  • Gratuitous Japanese: She comes over as a way for Tara to demonstrate of her bad knowledge of Japanese.

Misspellings: B'loody Mart, Boldy Mary


Ebony's bisexual goffik friend and an avatar for the author's best friend Raven. Is randomly killed off half way through following a tiff between Tara and Raven, but gets dumped unceremoniously back into the 'story' with no explanation as soon as Tara and Raven patch things up. Likes speaking Gratuitous Japanese. Probably the only character whose name is spelled correctly consistently throughout.

Tropes associated with Willow

Ron "Diabolo", Jenny "Darkness", Crabbe, and Goyle

Four siblings whose dad was a vampire. He "raped them and stuff" before committing suicide by slitting his wrists. As a result, they "got so depressed that they became goffik and converted to Stanism". Any resemblance to Ron Weasley, Ginny Weasley, Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle is entirely coincidental. It's possible that Tara confused Crabbe and Goyle with Fred and George, especially considering she has "Crab" and "Goyke" set off fireworks from "Wesley's Whizard Wises".

Navel/Nevel "Dracula" Longbottom

Goff who first appears in chapter 17. Turns out, he was adopted and his real parents were vampires who died dyed in a car crash. Because of that, he turned to Satanism Stanism. On two occasions, his name is misspelled as Dracola. OOC.

Ginny, Sedric, Fred and Gorge

All make brief, inexplicable cameos. It's not clear if Ginny and the above-mentioned Jenny are supposed to be the same person. Sedric isn't actually in the story proper, but is mentioned in an author's note in which Tara confusedly refers to him as though he had been in the previous chapter. She appears to have gotten him confused with Hagrid.

Tom Rid

Despite the name, this is apparently not an incarnation of Voldemort. He is a shop assistant (in a 'goffik' shop, of course) who befriends Ebony & co, and who keeps certain items of clothing hidden under the desk so that only the real 'goffs', and not the 'posers', can buy them get them for free. We're betting he doesn't have any idea how capitalism is supposed to work.


The story has several references to punks/punxs. According to Tom Satan's statements, they seem to be allies of the goffs against the preps.

Vlodemort and da Death Deelers

Da Death Deelers are a group of villains who serve Voldemort in his evil schemes. And their most evil plan in My Immortal is to force Ebony to kill Vampire Potter. They even hijacked 2 MCR concerts that Ebony attended, just so that Voldemort can yell at her for not participating in his plan. Voldemort's main Death Deelers are Snap, Loopin and Snaketail.

The Death Deelers may, or may not, bear any similarity to the Death Eaters from Harry Potter canon.

Voldemort/Tom Satan Bombodil

The Big Bad of the story. His Evil Plan is to make Enoby kill Vampire by giving her a gun and telling her to shoot him. If she doesn't, Voldemort will kill Draco, but he doesn't really follow through with the threat. He spends the entire story trying to make Ebony kill Vampire, even when he simply could kill the guy himself. He also, for some reason, speaks in Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe. He's also a Star Wars fan, or something, since in one chapter he dresses himself to look like "Darth Valer".

In his youth, he was called Tom "Satan" Bombodil/Andorson. Ebony travels back in time to seduce him into loving her so that Voldemort would be less evil. And it's revealed Tom Bombodil is also a goff. And he has a goffic band called XBlakXTearX consisting of Lucian, Serious Blak, James Potter and Snap. They all went to school ... in the 1980s. Tom also knows everything that will happen in the future despite not overtly having any divining ability. When the Dumblydore of the past wants to punish him and ebony for being Satanists, they quickly jump into Ebony's time machine and end up in the present. Here, Tom Satan Bombodil changes into his future incarnation, Voldemort, and teams up with Snap and Loopin to kill Ebony. Obviously OOC.

Tropes associated with Voldemort:

  • Badass in a Nice Suit: As Tom: "He wuz wearing a blak ripped up suit wif Vans."
  • Big Bad: Theoretically. He doesn't actually do anything except show up, yell at Enoby, then leave.
  • Composite Character: Played straight in that the Bark Lord and "Tom Bombadil" are the same people, and inverted by making Tom Rid (see above) a different character.
  • Cool Car: Tom "Satan" Bombadil/Andorson (Voldemint's past self) owns a car that looks just like Darko's (which Ebony comments on in the narrative).
  • Sympathy for the Devil
  • Face Heel Turn: Went from being a "goff" to a "prep", which is this in Ebony's world.
    • Which is ironic, considering how "dark" (and thus "goffic") he is.
  • Harmless Villain / Offstage Villainy: The only person he's killed is Hermione's mother and that was in a bit of redundant backstory. In the fic itself, he only threatens Ebony, but does not follow up on his threats.
  • Love Makes You Evil: "When Voldemint was in Hogwarts before he became powerful he gut his hearth borken. Now do you fink he would still become Volxemort if he was in love?"
  • Psychic Powers: He hath telekinesis, which lets him read minds.
  • Sophisticated As Hell: Although he speaks in Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe, he also gets a "dude-ur-so-retarded" look on his face.
  • Villain Exit Stage Left: Most of his appearances result in him running or flying away on his broom.
  • Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe: "I hath telekinesis." he answered cruelly. "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" His past self, Tom Bombodil, does not possess this weird trait, but instead talks in the same broken English Ebony and co use.

Misspellings: Voldemont, Volsemort, Volcemort, Voldemprt, Vlodemort, Volzemort, Volxemort, Voldremort, Voldimort, Voldement, Volfemort, Voldemint, The Bark Lord, The Dork Lord, Darth Valer, Tom Bombodil, Tom Andorson

Snap and Loopin

Snap and Loopin are the main lackeys of Voldemort. Their main plan seems to be recording a videotape of Ebony taking a bath, which they can use to blackmail her into killing Vampire. If she refuses, they will spread the tape around the school. Ebony calls them pedophiles, but they didn't do any act related to pedophilia (see below). They are also gay lovers who enjoy 'doin it' in the open. Apparently supposed to be the characters Severus Snape and Remus Lupin, but bear no resemblence to them on even a superficial level.

Snap seems to be the leader of the duo and comes up with most of their plans. Snap also operates solo multiple times in the fic. When Ebony travels 'back in tim', Snap is revealed to have been a close friend of Serious, Lucian, James Potter and Voldemort/Tom 'Satan' Bombodil. But he betrayed them by possessing James and causing him to shoot off Lucian's arm, which Ebony prevented when she encountered them in the past. Loopin is more of a follower and enjoys masticating to stuff.

Tropes associated with them:

  • A Date with Rosie Palms: "And Loopin was masticating to it!".
  • Anything That Moves
  • Artistic License Sex Ed: "Masticating" is...not the word Tara was looking for.
  • Butt Monkey: Loopin seems to be this. A good example is when he is tortured for something that only Snap was guilty for.
  • Cardboard Prison: No matter how many times they are sent away to St. Mango's or Abkhazian, they keep coming back.
  • Composite Character: Inverted with Snoop in Chapter 30. Apparently his name is just "Snape" (when it's spelled right) and there's a completely different guy named "Serverus", who was probably supposed to be Sirius.
  • Demonic Possession: When Ebony travels into the past, James Samaro Potter attempts to shoot Lucian's arm off with a knife. Later, Tara tried to imply Snap made James do this by possessing him, but she actually made James say Snap was possessing himself.
  • The Dragon: Snap to Vlodemort.
  • Evil Duo
  • Harmless Villains: They spend more time doing it with each other in the Great Hall (With Dobby watching!) than anything else, and only seem to pose a serious threat on one occasion.
  • I Love the Dead: Loopin is allegedly a "necphilak", though it's unclear whether he actually did screw Willow's corpse because Willow appears unharmed in the next chapter.
  • In Name Only: Snape and Loopin are constantly called preps by Ebony, even though neither of them wear preppy clothing or listen to preppy music.
  • Informed Attribute / In Name Only: A single author's note tells us that he's a Christian, but the idea is never mentioned or hinted at again.
  • Informed Flaw: Ebony calls them pedophiles, but since she's seventeen and therefore A) not biologically a child and B) over the age of consent, which is sixteen in the UK, their perving on her, while reprehensible, is not pedophilia, and they show no hints of actual pedophilia at any point. Plus there's the fact that, in the Potterverse, under wizarding law the age of adulthood is seventeen.
  • Made of Iron: Snape and Loopin are barely fazed when shot a gazillion times by Ebony; indeed, Snap's minor hand injury in the aftermath of the skirmish is attributed to Dumbleydore's wand.
  • Matryoshka Object: Snap possessing himself, if that makes any sense at all.
  • The Mole: Snap when he was a "poser".
  • Ron the Death Eater

Misspellings: Snope, Snoop, Snipe, Snap, Snake, Serverus, Loopin, Lumpkin, Lumpin


The "fat guy who killed Cedric". He tortures Draco and asks to have sex with Ebony, since "in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a pedofile ok". She stabs him in the heart and he runs around while bleeding to death. In a rare demonstration of continuity, he actually stays dead (or at least isn't mentioned again). Probably based on Peter Pettigrew/Wormtail from the real Harry Potter series, but the only things that indicate this is that he killed Cedric.

Tropes associated with Snaketail:

  • Big No: Does one upon being stabbed in the heart.
  • High-Pressure Blood: When he's stabbed, blood pours out "like a fountain".
  • Killed Off for Real: As mentioned above, he is about the only character who stays dead after being killed.
  • Love At First Sight: He has never seen Enoby before, but in the middle of the fight he has with her and Vampire, he confesses his love towards Ebony. He even went as far to ask Ebony to have sex with him.
  • Love Hurts: Literally... When he confesses he loves Enoby, she shoots a Cluster F-Bomb at him and then stabs him in the heart.

The Mystery of Magic

Another evil faction. Its a mysterious group of wizards that hold alot of power over Hogwarts. They, for example, can and will send anyone they see fit to random places in the Caucasus. The Mystery successfully took over Hogwarts in later chapters by sending Dumblydore and Sinister to the aforementioned region, but after that, the faction disappears from the story without explanation. Most likely based on the Ministry of Magic from the real Harry Potter series.

Tropes associated with this faction:

Cornelia Fudged/Cornelio Fuck

The Minister for Magic and apparently still male despite the name. Considers Dumbledore incompetent and sends him to "Azerbaijan", which peculiarly does not endear him to Ebony and friends. Apperantly has a very short fuse since he took over potions class once, but stomped away angrily arngrily after Ebony & co talked openly in class.

Tropes associated with Cornelia/Cornelio:

Doris Rumbridge/profesor Bridge

An associate of Cornelia Fudge. She first appears at hogwarts to yell at Dumbledore that his Alzheimers is a danger to the school. When Ebony returns from a trip to the past, it appears that Doris Rumbridge became the principal. She also sends Sinistra to "Azerbaijan" for being "too goffik" and brings Dumbledore back to teach her class (about 15 minutes after he left). Assuming she's supposed to be Dolores Umbridge, doing something remotely nice for Dumbledore is really the only part of this which is out of character. But then again, Dumbledore is evil in this fic (most of the time), so maybe it's in character for her after all.

Tropes associated with Doris Rumbridge:

Hogwarts Staff

This is a fairly neutral group. Sometimes, Enoby and friends get in trouble, so the staff is portrayed as Evil. At other times, they help Enoby in the war against Vlodemort.

Albert Dumblydore

The principal of Hogwarts. He starts out as one of Ebony's enemies by shooting an Atomic F-Bomb at her and Draco for having sex. After that, he is seemingly neutral, since he helps Ebony as many times as he gets in her way. The times he gets in Enoby's way are probably caused by headaches, as mentioned in numerous author's notes. When Voldemort takes over an MCR concert for the second time, Dumblydore turns to the Goff side and saves Ebony and co.

After his transition to Goff, he paints the 'Grate Hall' black (but apparently painted it pink first). He also tries to befriend Ebony and the other Goffs, but is shouted at because he is a 'poser'(someone who tries to be Goth, but really isn't). But he's seemingly a good guy from that moment on.

When Ebony travels back in time, Albert Dumblydore's hatred for Goffs is much worse than in the present time. It was so bad, that he sent any Goff he saw in the school to Akazaban.

Unlike his canon counterpart, this Dumbledore isn't concerned at all about the war between good and evil. He even lets his students rot at the hands of Voldemort if he doesn't like them. He is also quickly intimidated by students who shout at him. Heavily OOC.

Tropes associated with Dumbledore

Misspellings: Dumblydum, Dumbeldore, Dumbelldore, Dumbledum, Dumbldore, Dumbledor, Dumblydor, Dubleodre, Dumblehor, Dumbeldork, Dumblydore, Dubblydore, Dubledork, Dumbledork, Dumbledark, Dumblewhore, Dumbledoree


HE MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT... BUT HE IS ALSO A SATANIST! In this fanfic, Hargrid goes from the gamekeeper into a Hogwarts student for no clear reason. He also switches sides with each passing appearance. One time, he's a Goff who helps Enoby against evildoers such as Snap and Loopin. The other times, he's a Prep that tries to harass Ebony. OOC either way.

Tropes associated with Hargrid:

  • Badass Decay: In canon, Hagrid was stated as physically very strong and could withstand spells that were deadly to other wizards. Here, Vampire and Draco beat him up sexily.
  • Heel Face Revolving Door: Really doesn't know which side he's on. In his first appearance, he's a member of Eboby's band. In his second appearance, he seemingly tries to scare away Snap and Loopin (who are harassing Enoby) by confessing that he is a satanist. Later in the story, he tries to poison Ebony with an Amnesia potion (probably amortentia potion, which in the real books is a love potion). In the end, he seems to be on Enoby's side again.
  • Flying Broomstick: Possesses one of those, but it doesn't seem to fly. That doesnt stop him from using it to run outside.

Misspellings: Hargrid, HAHRID, Hargirid, Hargrif, Hairgrid. Actually, he isn't called by his real name (Hagrid) even once, so its safe to say Hargrid is his name here.

Proffesor Sinister/Trevolry

The only goffik teacher in the school. Professor Sinister a.k.a. Trevolry (the two are inexplicably interchanged for the same character) is a half-Japanese half-Vampire and is Ebony's favorite teacher. The subject she teaches is called Deviation. (which is probably meant to be Divination). She is the person who tells Ebony to go back in time to seduce Voldemort. Later on in the story, Professor Sinister gets addicted to "Volxemortserum" and asks Ebony to find a cure for her addiction. Professor Sinister also gets send to Azerbaijan by the Mystery of Magic for being too Gothic, but returns at Hogwarts without explanation. OOC and often OON(Out Of Name). (The names derive from Professors. Sybill Trelawney [Divination] and Aurora Sinistra [Astronomy].

Tropes associated with Professor Sinister/Trevolry:

Misspellings: Sinatra, Sinistor, Siniaster

Professor McGonagall

Seems to do little beyond getting mad at Ebony and Draco for Making Love in All the Wrong Places. Thus, actually pretty in-character and an unintentional Audience Surrogate.

  • Big Stupid Doodoo Head: Using these is her biggest deviation from canon. Just imagine Maggie Smith yelling things like "STOP IT NOW, YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!" and "You mediocre dunces!"
  • Stern Teacher: As in canon, though her Hidden Depths seem to have been eliminated.

Misspellings: McGoggle, McGoogle, Preacher McGongol, McGoonagle

Mr. Norris and Filch the cat

The "janitor", who owns a cat named Filth/Filch. Mr. Norris apparently is able to see when people hide under invisibility cloaks. The cat might actually be in character. (Note: In canon, the caretaker is Argus Filch, who has a cat named Mrs. Norris.)

Tropes associated with Mr Norris and Filch the cat:

  • Cats Are Mean: Filch the cat helps Mr. Norris discover where Enoby and Vampire are hiding.
  • Crusty Caretaker: Tara tried to imply this with Mr. Norris, but since Vampire calls him a "preppy little poser sun of a fukcing bich", the act of maintaining his grumpy mood is justified.
  • Super Senses: As mentioned above, Invisibility Cloaks do not work properly when Mr. Norris is around.

Professor Slutborn

The Potions teacher in the '80s. Presumably based on Professor Horace Slughorn from the real books, but is described as a tall gothic man with long hair, instead of short and obese with a bald head like the real character. This makes him OOL (out of look). He makes too short of an appearance to really prove how much OOC he is.


Makes a brief appearance watching "Snake" and "Loopin" do it, then runs away when Snape and Lupin see Enoby. This is his only appearance in the whole fic. He is also one of the rare characters whose name is spelled correctly throughout the fic.

The Preps

The counterparts to the goffs. They seem to be defined by a love for bright, cheery colors and pop music roughly equal to the goth's obsession with the color black and emo stuff.

Another type of prep is called the 'poser'. Posers are people who pretend to be Gothic, but are preps (usually they dress semi-"gothic").

Tropes associated with preps:

  • Light Is Not Good: Stereotypical preppy fangirls (yes, even the boys) at heart, they are antagonistic nonetheless. Just not much of a threat as Tara hoped they were.


A "prep called Britney from Griffindoor". Regarded as the Alpha Bitch from her first appearance, despite doing nothing even slightly reprehensible. However, near the end of the story, it's revealed she allied with Vlodemort and da Death Deelers and freed Hargrid ,Snap and Loopin from Azerbaijan.

Tropes associated with Britney:

Past Goths

Ebony interacts with several other goffs during her time travels to the 1980's.

Serious Blak (alias Hades)

Unlike Harry's godfather Sirius Black, this man is Harry's "dogfather". Also unlike Sirius, Serious was apparently friends with Snape during their school days considering they were in XBlakXTearX together.

Misspellings:Series, Serifs, Sirus, Silas, Spartacus, Sorious, Socrates, Sodomize and Serverus.

Lucian Malfoy

Apparently supposed to be based on Lucius Malfoy. In the fic, he's Draco's father and part of XBlakXTearX back in the day. Apparently, had one arm until Ebony changed the past so his other arm didn't get shot off. Needless to say, a good guy in this.

Tropes associated with Lucian:

Misspellings: Lusian, Lucan, Luciious, Luscious

James "Samoro" Potter

Vampire's father and a member of XBlakXTearX. Slightly overreacted when Lucian played a song wrong by shooting off his arm, though it later turned out he was possessed by Snap at the time. Is nicknamed "Samoro", a masculine version of Samara from The Ring.

Tropes associated with James:


Voldemort's gay lover from the 1980s and the most OOC in the whole story because Hedwig is a female, presumably straight, anti-Voldemort, alive-in-the-1990s OWL in the books. This could be a reference to Hedwig and The Angry Inch.

Morti Mcfli

Inexplicably appears to give Ebory a "tim machine" so she can go "frowad in tim". His reasons for being present in the Potter Verse and helping Ebony are unknown. In any case, he's OOC for any verse and his "tim machine" does not seem to function like the DeLorean.

Tropes associated with "Morti"

  • Crossover: With Back to The Future.
  • Deus Ex Machina
  • In Name Only: His only resemblance to the actual Back To The Future character is the association with time travel. And even then, his "tim machine" is "blak" (while the DeLorean is silver) and apparently small enough to carry on his person, eliminating the possibility that he either repainted the DeLorean (blasphemy!) or is using the Time Train.

Real World

Tara Gilesbie

The individual who created this mess.

Tropes associated with Tara:


Tara's best friend/worst enemy, depending on the day. She worked as Tara's editor before they had a falling-out.

Tropes associated with Raven:

  • Embarrassing First Name: She dislikes being named Jenny.
  • Emo Teen
  • Flanderization: The fans of My Immortal tend to think of Raven as the Only Sane Man to Tara's Ditz, but (assuming that both of them aren't figments of a someone's imagination) she proves in her own stories and profile page to be at best only a few levels above Tara in terms of ability to write and overall intelligence.
  • Nietzsche Wannabe
  • Liz Lemon Job: She worked as Tara's editor, which stifled some of the Rouge Angles of Satin. After she left, the story got worse.
  • Overshadowed by Awesome: Something of an inversion. Raven actually has two stories of her own, which while entertaining to read for the the same reasons as Tara's, are by comparison much shorter, written with better spelling & other essentials, and demonstrate better knowledge of the source material.

You, The Reader

Will probably undergo a Heroic BSOD which can only be cured by multiple rinsings of Brain Bleach.

Tropes associated with you the reader:

And if you flame her story, it means you're a no-good prep! She won't post the next chapter until she gets at least 5 God reviuws.


  1. for the curious, it's a Nazi infrared sniper scope
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