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"When it comes to kitschy 80's icons, none is more kitschy than Mr. T. Anyone who grew up in the 80's has got to have a ton of nostalgic affection for the guy. This is despite the fact that T has no talent to speak of. No, people love Mr. T because he's Mr. T. He's famous solely for his personality, and that personality is completely and utterly insane."
Albert, The Agony Booth In an excerpt that was intended to be unflattering.

Describe Mr. T here, fool!

Mr. T (first name Mister, middle name Period, last name T; birth name Laurence Turead) is an American actor known for his roles as B. A. Baracus in the 1980s television series The A-Team, as boxer Clubber Lang in the 1982 film Rocky III, and for his appearances as a professional wrestler. Mr. T is also well-known for his distinctive mohawk hairstyle, for wearing large amounts of gold jewelry, and for his tough guy image. He starred in the reality show I Pity the Fool, shown on TV Land, the title of which comes from his catchphrase from Rocky III. Recently seen as Officer Earl Devereaux in Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. He's also starred in a few commercials for World of Warcraft and Snickers, and even got his own animated TV show. And he's a big Momma's Boy. Just don't try and mock him for it. It won't end well. Also, you are now reading this article in Mr. T's voice, suckah.[1]

Mr. T caught cancer at one point, much to the cancer's regret. What kind of cancer you may ask? T-cell lymphoma, fool!

Mr. T is to cool as Chuck Norris is to Badass. He could even defeat Chuck Norris, as shown by the following train of logic:

In Rocky III, Mr. T, after half a training montage and one "rising through the ranks" montage (equal to one-and-a-half training montages) defeated a Sylvester Stallone that had gone through two successful training montages and a championship montage (normally equal to two training montages, here only equal to one-and-a-half). One training montage later, Stallone defeated Mr. T, ergo:
2 x Mr. T > 3.5 Stallone
2 x Mr. T < 4.5 Stallone

Chuck Norris is a member of and embodies the National Rifle Association. The NRA which considers Sylvester Stallone (as well as Danny De Vito) a threat to their entire organization, therefore Norris considers Stallone a threat, ergo Base StalloneBase Chuck Norris. Granted, Chuck Norris would have the sense to train, and we're not even sure how we came to assume any of this to begin with. Sorry about that, fool!

Not related to Mr. T. and Tina

And make sure that, whatever you do, you stay AWAY from Mr. T's BINS.

Now read the article again in Mr. T's voice.


  1. Good news, everyone! I just blew your mind again, fool!
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