Marvel Cinematic Universe/Funny

Iron Man

• From the first film:
  • Tony at the beginning.

"I don't want to see this on your My Space Page. Please, no gang signs... No, throw it up, I'm kidding." "Yeah peace, I love peace! I'd be out of a job with peace..."

• • • Also at the beginning:

Soldier: Is it true that you went twelve-for-twelve with the Maxim cover girls last year? Tony Stark: That is an excellent question. Yes and no. March and I had a scheduling conflict but fortunately the Christmas cover was twins.

• • Also also at the beginning:

Tony: I'm sorry, this is the fun-vee. The hum-drum-vee is over there.

• • Pepper talking with the reporter who Tony slept with and subsequently dumped.

Christine: "Even after all this time, Tony still has you picking up the dry-cleaning." Pepper: "I do anything and everything Mr. Stark requires... including occasionally taking out the trash. Will that be all?"

• • • Also this scene:

Pepper: I actually don't think that you could tie your shoes without me. Tony: I'd make it a week. Pepper: Oh really? What's your social security number? Tony: ... Five.

• • "Okay, let's start things off nice and easy, see if 10 percent thrust capacity achieves lift. In three...two...one..." *WHAM!*
    • Then there's the bit just after that where he's designing the stabilizers.

"I did say I was done making weapons. This is a flight stabilizer. It's completely harmless." *Tony activates it and gets blasted back by the force* "I wasn't expecting that."

• • Tony in the Mark II suit turning off the repulsors, then going through the roof, piano and one of his cars. Cue one of the workshop robots spraying him with fire extinguisher.
    • The previous scene:

Tony: If you douse me again and I'm not on fire, I'm donating you to a city college.

• • The great unsung comedy moment of Iron Man, due entirely to Downey's brilliant deadpan delivery:

Party Girl: Hey, Tony, remember me? Tony: Sure don't.

• • • The best part is that he doesn't even stop walking or turn to look at her as he says it.
  • When Tony shows up at the party and he thinks he sees Hugh Hefner and pats him on the back, only for "Hef" to turn around and be Stan Lee.
  • Tony's reaction to Pepper seeing him in the Iron Man armor;

"Let's face it, this is not the worst thing you've caught me doing."

• • • Better yet, the dialogue between Tony and JARVIS while they're trying (off-screen) to remove the former's suit.

JARVIS: Well, it is a tight fit, sir... Tony: Ow! JARVIS: Sir, the more you struggle, the more this is going to hurt. Tony: Be gentle, this is my first time.

• • Two words: "icing problem?"
    • "Might wanna look into it." *clonk*
  • A brief moment during the final fight scene. Tony's just started getting out of his suit, thinking that he's won and he can take it off, when Iron Monger appears behind him. He turns and lifts his hand to deliver a repulsor blast... Only to find that he's already taken the armored glove off of it and his hand is bare. He actually turns his palm to stare incredulously at it for a second before getting slammed in the face.

• From the second film:
  • Tony hacking into the senate committee's computers from his PDA over wi-fi and having it display "WELCOME MR. STARK" in ASCII art. Followed immediately with footage from other people's failed attempts to create Iron Man suits..

Tony: Boy, I'm good...

• • • In fact, the entire scene was hilarious from Tony's "Yes, dear?" to Senator Stern's launching of a Precision F-Strike at Tony on a live international broadcast.
  • The senate hearing is equal parts funny and awesome, but the best part had to be Justin Hammer frantically trying to block the TV as it's showing Hammer Industries' Epic Fail at trying to reproduce the Iron Man suit. Especially when the top half of the suit twists 180 degrees around. Crosses the Line Twice at its best.
    • Made even better by the fact that there were originally just blurry satellite photos to try and prove that other countries had Iron Man level tech, so Tony remotely hacked into the system with his cell phone and patched in video surveillance from these failures, including Hammer's.
    • Made... umm... even more better (?) considering that said scene is {a possible} remake of a scene from RoboCop 2. One would think they would have learned by now.
  • JARVIS is wonderful at providing these moments. For example, in Iron Man 2, when looking at a YouTube video of Tony's senate meeting. "May I say how refreshing it is to finally see you on a video with your clothing on, sir."
  • Stark and Pepper running into Hammer in Monaco, who has the reporter from the first movie with him.

Justin Hammer: She's actually doing a big spread on me for Vanity Magazine. I thought I'd throw her a bone, you know. Pepper Potts: She did quite a a spread on Tony last year. Tony Stark: And she wrote a story as well! Pepper Potts: It was very impressive, very well done...

• • A nice little Mood Whiplash after...Whiplash has been causing chaos at an F1 race. Happy Hogan rams Whiplash with a car, then does it repeatedly every time he tries to move. Made even funnier by the fact that Pepper is screaming at Tony and Tony is just saying "Hand me the briefcase" repeatedly while showing virtually no reaction.
  • The first scene between Justin Hammer and Ivan Vanko (in the airplane hangar) has this gem. This is a conversation where Vanko so far has said and done nothing besides sit there and look at Hammer blankly.

Hammer: You and me, we're a lot alike in a lot of ways. Vanko: *Fascinating Eyebrow*

• • One standout scene was SHIELD agent Coulson finding something that looks a lot like Captain America's shield amongst the clutter of Tony's laboratory. Tony asks Coulson to hand it to him, since it's exactly what he needs to deal with his current problem... and shoves it underneath his equipment to make it level.
    • Coulson gets another one earlier; he is assigned to keep Tony from leaving his house. Tony acts like himself, and Coulson just grins and threatens to tase our hero, and then watch Super Nanny while Tony drools into the carpet.
  • Hammer's ridiculously hyped Ex-Wife missile's magnificent un-success.

Tony: Hammer tech? Rhodey: * disgusted look* Yeah.

• • It's more like a Crowning Moment of Sn****r, but This Troper was highly amused by Tony's spontaneous christening of the Hammer drones as "Hammeroids".
    • Not the first time we've heard that name...
  • Tony "entertaining" the guests at his birthday party, completely shitfaced (bottle in hand), all while wearing his Iron Man suit definitely deserves mention.

"A lot of people ask me how I go to the bathroom in my suit." (pause– smile) "....just like that.

• • • Even funnier is when Pepper calls him out on pissing his pants, he mentions there's a filtration system in the suit and adds "You could drink that water!"

"The party's over... well, it's been over for me an hour and a half ago. BUT THE AFTER-PARTY STARTS IN 15 MINUTES!!!" It's a cue that Tony completely lost it, forcing Rhodey to don the Mk.II silver armor and engage him in suitball-busting combat.

• • Later:

"Put on a phat beat for me to beat my buddy's ass to."

• • • He put on Another One Bites the Dust.
  • Tony and Pepper having an intimate moment after the day is saved, only to be disturbed by Rhodes, who had been watching them the entire time.
    • "You look like two seals fighting over a grape" has to be one of the highlights of the movie.

"I was here first. Get your own roof."

• • • Shout-Out to The Count Of Monte Cristo's (1934) "Find your own tree."?
    • The line was "Get a roof", a bad pun on "Get a room", which Tony swiftly complains about.
  • Tony having Fury appoint Senator Sterns to present his award for defeating Whiplash. Sterns is clearly not happy about it. Said senator actually gets one himself in the process when 'accidentally' pokes Stark with the medal pin.

"Sorry, it's funny how annoying a little prick can be."

• • Tony's birthday party in the second film, what with him dancing in his armor, completely plastered and then asking the DJ to "give [him] a phat beat to beat [his] friend's ass to" in what is obviously a Sure Why Not outtake left in.
  • Many of Fury's lines in the second film are downright hilarious. One example is when Tony is sitting in a giant donut prop and Fury finds him.

Fury: Sir! I'm gonna have to ask you to exit the donut! (Tony pulls on his shades slightly as a silent Flat What)

• • • The donut in general. Tony lounging around in full armor except for the mask in a donut shop's giant donut, pigging out because he's slowly dying. In character but utterly ridiculous. Fridge Logic reveals a Offscreen Moment of Awesome: he must have walked into the donut shops in his armor to buy those. Like the Uncomfortable Elevator Moment in Spider-Man 2, but even more so.
  • Another example when the two are discussing the fate of the Mk 2:

Tony: I didn't give it to him, he took it. Fury: Whoawhoawhoa- he took it? You're Iron Man and he just TOOK IT?! The lil' brother walked in there, kick'd ass and took. Your suit.

• • And pretty much the entire exchange while Tony is reading his evaluation to Fury, the latter not saying a word as Stark tries to justify his many flaws.

Tony: "'Mr. Stark displays compulsive behavior.' In my own defense that was one week. 'Prone to self-destructive tendencies.' I was dying, I mean please. And hey, aren't we all? 'Textbook...narcissism? (Looks up at Fury.) Fury: (Glares back) Tony: (Looks back down at folder) Agreed...

• • • Theres something strangely hilarious about a man wearing millions of dollars of Hi-tech weaponry, the head of the worlds top Espionage agency and a professional shadow\spy lounging around a doughnut booth like its no big thing.
  • No love for Howard Stark? "I'm Howard Stark... and on behalf of everybody at Stark Industries, I would like to show you... my ass."
    • Also a sorta twisted Crowning Moment of Heartwarming Like Father, Like Son moment. You can definitely see where Tony gets it from.
  • Justin Hammer is unveiling the Hammeroid drones by type - "Army!" "Navy!" "Airforce!" - with each group rising from the stage sporting some minor modifications. When there's no more room in the line-up, a fourth group of droids, painted camo, pops up in front as Hammer shouts "Marines!". The scene then culminates in what would be a CMOA for Hammer Industries in real life any other movie when the drones collectively salute Rhodey in full War Machine gear.
  • Tony's line when he inserts the arc reactor with its new core into his chest, curing his palladium poisoning and granting him previously unimaginable amounts of power:

Tony: Whoo! Tastes like coconut! And METAL!

• • We also have this line:

Vanko: I make salute.

• • Also:

"One down!"

• • Black Widow casually macing a Hammer guard as she walks past him. Moments later, Happy, who finally managed to drop the one Hammer guard at the front, turns to yell in triumph, only to see an entire hallway littered with unconscious guards that Romanov casually beat her way through.
  • Tony has some good ones as well. Being chased by War Machine and a swarm of Hammeroids:

Tony: JARVIS, break in! I need to own him!

• • At the end of Iron Man 2. So funny because of the total deadpan delivery between a couple of guys in metal battle suits arguing like five year olds.

Rhodes: You look like two seals fighting over a grape. Tony: Hey, you weren't supposed to see any of that. Get lost. Rhodes: I was here first. Get a roof. Tony: How much did you ... Rhodes: All of it. I've been here a while.

• One of Hammer's goons threatens to kill Vanko's bird and stuffs it in a bag. When the film cuts back to the scene, the man is dead and the bird is perched on him. Honestly, Vanko's bord is one of the best parts of the film.
  • Happy biting the guard's ear. HE BIT HIS EAR!

The Incredible Hulk

• When Hulk is startled by Betty in the cave he hits his head on the low ceiling. Instead of freaking out and smashing the cave he rubs his head, grumbles and turns around looking embarrassed.
• Later on in the same scene there's a lightning strike and thunder clap. Hulk throws a boulder at the sky, roars as loud as he can and gestures for Betty to stay in the cave, thinking that the thunder and lightning is a threat.
• Once Bruce and Betty reach New York City looking for Mr. Blue, they contemplate the hazards of riding a subway full of typical New Yorkers and decide on taking a cab. Cue one crazy Euro taxi driver whose antics nearly cause poor Bruce to hulk out from the stress.
  • And it's Betty who goes into full meltdown yelling at the taxi driver for being a huge jerkass.

Bruce: You know, I know a few techniques that can help you manage that anger very effectively... Betty: You zip it. We're walking.

Thor

• "You dare threaten me, Thor, with some puny weap-" ~tasered~
  • Selvig and Jane's shock and Darcy's line afterwards put the cherry on top of it all.

Darcy: What? He was freaking me out!

• "YOU'RE NO MATCH FOR THE MIGHTY TH-" ~injected~
  • In the butt.
    • It Gets Better...Pull a Last-Second Word Swap, and you get the anti-psychotic, Thorazine
• Thor is trying coffee for the first time.

Thor: This drink, I like it! Darcy: I know, it's great- Thor: ANOTHER!! *hurls mug to the floor*

• God of Thunder walks into a pet store. God of Thunder demands a horse.

Thor: I need a horse!! Pet Shop Owner: We don't have horses. Just dogs, cats and birds. Thor: Then give me one of those large enough to ride.

• • The delivery makes it even funnier than it sounds. Just look at how earnest Hemsworth's face is when he says it.:
  • Fridge Brilliance if you're familiar with Norse Mythology - the goddess Freya rides on a chariot pulled by cats.
• The Warriors Three and Sif discussing what to do after Loki takes the throne. Hogun suggests they go and find Thor, Volstagg gets very nervous because that would be a betrayal and he thinks Heimdall may be listening. Cue guards.

Guards: Heimdall requests your prescence. Volstagg: We're doomed.

• • After they meet with Heimdall and confirm that they're going against Loki's orders, Heimdall's "Good!" as he readies the Bifrost is really funny.
• Jane running over Thor - twice.

Jane: I'm so sorry! I swear I'm not doing this on purpose.

• • The best part was while Jane was being worried about subduing Thor if they need to, Darcy is checking her Tazer.
• Jane bemoaning the loss of years of research, and Darcy bemoaning the loss of 30 songs she downloaded into her iPod. Like it's the same thing.
• "All my research is in that equipment or in this book!" *YOINK*
• Darcy is Plucky Comic Relief incarnate.
  • "What's Myeh-Myeh?"
    • "I found Myeh-Myeh!"
  • When they get out of the car after hitting Thor:

Darcy: I think that was legally your fault.

• • Upon seeing Thor after getting out of the car:

Darcy: Whoa! Does he need CPR? 'Cause I totally know CPR.

• • When Thor is freaking out:

Thor: Hammer?! Hammer?! Darcy: Yes we know you're hammered...kind of obvious.

• • When they're at the diner:

Darcy: How could you eat a whole box of pop tarts and still be this hungry?

• • And of course:

Darcy: You know, for a crazy homeless person he's pretty cut.

• • Don't forget when Jane explains to the hospital staff that Darcy was the one who tazored Thor. Darcy gives a matter-of-fact "Yes, I did!"
• SHIELD agents seeing the Warrior's Three and Sif walking down the street:

SHIELD Agent #1: Is the Renaissance Fair in town? SHIELD Agent #2: Call it in. SHIELD Agent #1: (on radio) Yeah, we got Xena, Jackie Chan, and Robin Hood...

• • Even better, they can't figure out how to describe Volstagg...
    • Gimli?
      • Hagrid?
        • Obelix?
• "FOUND YOU!"
  • And their big, dopey grins when they're tapping on the glass. It's just adorable.
    • Made even better by Jane, Darcy and Erik's reactions. Three dumbfounded stares, and Erik and Darcy both drop their cups of coffee.
• During the banishing of Thor, as both Odin and Thor ham up their performances to new levels, Loki tries to intervene on Thors behalf. Odin just barks him down.
• Hawkeye's few lines are CMOF.

Hawkeye: Want me to slow him down sir, or you sending in more guys for him to beat up? Hawkeye: You better call it, Coulson, 'cause I'm startin' to root for this guy.

• Erik's conversation with Coulson.
  • How did an MD tear through an entire camp of highly-trained SHIELD agents? "Steroids!"
  • When it seems like they are about to get away.

Coulson: Dr. Selvig? Keep him away from the bars. Erik: I will. (as soon as they are out of earshot) Thor: Where are we going? Erik: For a drink. Phil (to other agents): Follow them.

• • Boilermakers served in giant liter-and-a-half mugs, Vodka shots dropped, and then a good ten-second shot of Erik and Thor trying to chug it down, with Erik's only visible eye staring at Thor in disbelief while trying to keep up.
  • And following that:

Thor: "We drank, we fought, he made his ancestors proud!"

• • Plus Erik's goofy grin after what Thor pronounced.

Erik: [drunk] I still don't believe you're the God of Thunder, but... you ought to be!

• Stan Lee's cameo. "Did it work?"
  • Even funnier, his character is credited as "Stan The Man".
  • Hell. The whole scene surrounding the hammer's crater was pure win: the locals set up a tailgaiting party while everyone tries to lift Mjolnir.

Guy holding a beer: My turn.

• Thor's rousing speech when it comes to Sif.

Thor: And who proved that a maiden had a place in battle, above all objections? Sif: I did. Thor: True, but I supported you, Sif.

• Referring to Coulson as "Son of Coul".
  • Extra fun, considering Thor himself is called "Odinson" several times throughout the film.
• Sif & the Warriors Three are fighting off the Destroyer, to buy Thor and his friends time to evacuate the town and escape themselves. Fandral signals something to Volstagg, who charges forward, before being launched at The Destroyer by Hogun & Fandral, whilst bellowing "FOR ASGAAAAAAARRRRRRD!". The Destroyer just backhands him away with no effort. That had this troper in stitches.
  • The look on his face afterward sells it. "I knew it wouldn't work, and I knew it would hurt, but damn that was too easy for him and DAMN that hurt."
• Early on there is an extremely tense face off with Thor, Loki, and the Warriors Three deep in enemy territory, one poorly-chosen word away from getting killed and starting a war. Loki manages to convince Laufey to let them depart safely, then this happens:

Frost Giant Soldier: (to Thor) "Run back home, little Princess." Loki: (completely deadpan) "Damn."

• • Thor's grin in that scene sells it for me
• Anyone know that scene in which someone called out Volstagg on his eating while things are getting worse?

Volstagg: Do not mistake my appetite for apathy!

• The SHIELD agents first spot the Destroyer, but mistake him for another Iron Man prototype. Easy assumption to make, the poor guys!

Agent: Is it one of Stark's? Coulson: I don't know. The guy never tells me anything.

• Loki is about to fall off bifrost and Thor kneels down to help him. It is an illusion, and Loki walks up from behind, cackling. It is not just an evil laugh, or him gloating, Loki appears to really find it funny.
• Thor is overjoyed at Odin's Big Damn Heroes moment. Odin isn't.

Thor: Father! We'll finish them together! Odin: Silence.

• Jane, seeing Thor in his full Asgardian outfit:

Jane: So is this how you normally look? Thor: More or less. Jane: It's a good look!

• Thor's method of immobilizing Loki.

Captain America: The First Avenger

• Before the procedure starts, we have everyone in the lab stopping dead in their tracks when they see Steve for the first time. Peggy's reaction is just a resigned sigh and a "let's just get this over with" expression.
  • However, after the procedure she's Not So Stoic. She's as gobsmacked as everyone else, and actually sneaks a feel of the dazed and newly transformed Rogers, before pulling back.
    • The best bit about it? It was actually a blooper.
• Peggy firing a gun at Steve's shield, with Rogers responding with a look that says "Why the hell did I kiss that secretary?/That woman is crazy!"'.
  • Howard's expression is equally hilarious.

Steve: (face still frozen in shock) I have some ideas about the uniform. (hands note to Howard) Howard: (same expression) Whatever you want, pal. (takes note)

• • You could just see the relieved anger in Peggy's face afterwards too.
• "He's still skinny."
• "Is it too late to go to the bathroom?"
• There's something to be said about Steve Rogers doing girl-pushups.
  • It's even funnier seeing Chris Evans do them behind the scenes!
• Steve reuniting with BFF Bucky Barnes, who notes his friend's transformation.

Buck: Is it permanent? Steve: So far.

• • When Cap rescues Bucky from being tortured, the obviously out-of-it Bucky tells him "I thought you were shorter".
    • Even better: it's his reaction to Steve's elated line, "I thought you were dead!"
• Colonel Phillips providing the best counter ever to HYDRA's motto after blasting one of their soldiers mid-sentence.

"Let's go find two more!"

• After a child is tossed into the ocean by a HYDRA agent, Steve tries to decide if he should save the kid, or go after the agent.

Kid: Go get him! I can swim!

• Jim Morita's indignant response (with zero accent) when a GI wonders why they have to rescue a Japanese soldier as well.

"I'm from Fresno, ace!"

• When presented the challenge of grabbing a flag on a very high flagpole (the reward is a jeep ride back to base with Carter), the other soldiers scramble all over each other trying to scale the pole. But (pre-supersoldier) Rogers outsmarts his stronger squadmates by simply detaching the pole's anchor bolts and letting it fall over, rather than trying to scale it. The soldiers' and drill instructor's faces when he pulls it off are priceless.
  • Peggy is definitely impressed and amused.
• Erskine proposing a toast to Rogers the night before his procedure before remembering that Rogers can't have any fluids, so he snatches Rogers' glass away and drinks it down for himself.

Steve: Alright. We'll drink it after. Erskine: No, I don't have any procedure tomorrow.

• • And then, just before the procedure is carried out:

Steve: Did you save me any of that schnapps? Erskine: ...Not as much as I should have.

• Steve not knowing what "fondue" is, and assuming it is something sexual.
  • Howard Stark explaining what fondue is. Actually, Howard Stark's hamminess in general.
• The scene where Howard is testing the fragment of the cube Steve took from the Hydra base and blowing himself across the room. "Write that down!"
• When they're in Brooklyn, Steve lists off all the places he got beat up as they drive by them, solidifying his status as The Woobie for many viewers.
• The first time Steve appears as Captain America in a propaganda stage show, with him wearing a goofy outfit, reading his lines off the back of his shield, and throwing a poorly-choreographed punch at an actor in a low-quality Hitler costume.
  • The best part? Steve's getup is actually the original Captain America outfit.
  • Even better: That scene is a callback to Captain America's first comic cover, put into the movie in the funniest way humanly possible.
• When Steve comes to rescue the prisoner from their cells, we get this priceless exchange:

Prisoner: Who are you supposed to be? Steve (awkwardly): I'm.... Captain America. Falsworth: I... I beg your pardon?

• • Keep in mind that Falsworth is British, making is confusion at the name "Captain America" even more hilarious.
• Later:

Falsworth: Are you sure you know what you're doing? Captain America: Yeah. I've knocked out Hitler over two hundred times.

• As Red Skull makes his escape on the Valkyrie bomber, Peggy and Phillips commandeer the Hydramobile and uses its Nitro Boost to get Steve onto the aircraft before it lifts off. Cue the Now or Never Kiss.

Peggy: Go get him. Steve: [stops, looks at Phillips] Phillips: I'm not kissing you!

• When one of the news films shows that Steve has a picture of Peggy inside his compass, Phillips give her an amused half-smile.
• Stan Lee's cameo during the award ceremony upon seeing a backstage aide tell the president Rogers isn't there and mistaking the aide for Rogers.

Lee: I thought he'd be taller.

• When Senator Brand starts demanding answers for how a HYDRA agent got into the testing area, General Phillips counters by pointing out the agent arrived with the Senator.
• More meta than anything, but during the end credits, wherein we all learn the origin of this image. How about a nice cup of freedom?
• Steve and Buck's parting, which doubles as a Crowning Moment of Heartwarming.

Buck: Don't do anything stupid until I get back. Steve: How can I? You're taking all the stupid with you. Buck gives Steve one last hug before leaving. Buck: You're a punk. Steve: Jerk.

• Bucky, on the men who would be the Howling Commandos.

"See? Told you, they're all idiots."

• Bucky utterly failing to grab Peggy's attention when they first meet.

"I'm invisible. I'm turning into you. This is a horrible dream!"

• When the Skull and Zola are fleeing from their exploding lab, Zola points out that the Skull's escape jet/helicopter only seats one. The Skull responds by calmly turning to Zola and handing him the keys to his car.

Zola: What about me? where will I sit? Skull: Not a scratch, Doctor. Not a scratch.

• Jones and Dernier in the pub. Understanding French turns it into another kind of funny.

I will fight until the last one of these bastards is dead, in chains, or crying like a little baby! I hope all three! Me too! (Everyone looks on in puzzlement) We're in.

• This exchange between Steve and Erskine.

"Where are you from?" "Queens."

Marvel One Shots

• The explanation for why Tony talked to General Ross instead of Nick Fury or Agent Coulson.
• Coulson casually purchasing donuts after saving the cashier from two muggers.