You are introduced by The Narrator, who tells you the ins and outs of the game, before your happy time is interrupted by a strange creature up in the sky, who proceeds to suck everything in sight into his maw. Before you can meet this untimely fate, a claw rockets up to catch you.
Let’s Get Your Match Fit
A voice sounds out as the claw slowly reels you back to Earth, naming the creature the Negativatron. Unsurprisingly, he is to be the Big Bad of the game. Back to the Voice Over, who claims only a hero can stop him. Although another voice is occasionally interrupting saying “Shush, Avalon!” ‘Avalon’ proceeds to say that the one man in question is devilishly handsome, impossibly statuesque... and it becomes apparent he isn’t talking about you. Hes talking about him. The camera pans out to reveal a wooden tower that the claw retracts into. Inside you meet the first of the wonderfully weird Creators: An old man made of cardboard, with a beard made of newspaper clippings, and wearing 3-D glasses. Folks, I couldn’t make this up if I wanted to. He says you were lucky to escape the Negativatron. (Nah, really?) Just as he is about to introduce himself, another figure literally bursts through the ceiling on a hovering device: A younger man with a orange mustache,mullet, dark shades, disco clothes, and chest fur-ah, hair. He says in a reverberating voice: “I Am Avalon Centrifuge!” The older man seems exasperated, as he introduces himself as Larry da Vinci, resident Absent-Minded Professor and Big Good. However, he can’t get out much more, as Avalon interrupts him. He says Craftworld is in trouble and together the ‘Alliance’ (which is pretty much the two of them-for now.) will defeat the Negativatron. Larry is frustrated, as “You never let me do that bit.” Avalon says that’s because he’s the best at it. He soon blasts off to... somewhere. Larry gets in touch with his Super-Powered Evil Side as he claims should have just done this all himself, as anyone else would just mess it up. Geez. The characters having occasional windows to their dark sides will become a plot point in a bit. For now, Larry snaps out of it as he introduces you to your pod and says before you can join the Alliance, he must run you through some tests.
This is just Larry teaching you the basics of the game. Nothing really important happens yet.
Grab and Swing
Ditto for this one too. Things pick up next level.
In this level, you are introduce to the Alliance’s newest weapon: The grappling hook. Bathe in its glory! It will be pretty important throughout the game, so this two-parter is dedicated to learning its mechanics.
Larry thinks you are advancing quickly, so he tests your skills in this one. You get shot out of a cannon-catapult hybrid, which apparently means you did good! Larry just has one final test, which he aptly names...
In this one, you must defeat a giant monkey robot, manned by Larry. But there is a twist! You have limited retries! After some dodging of death yo-yos, you eventually defeat him.
Our Newest Member!
Larry proclaims you are officially in the Alliance. Hooray! Avalon sends you a heartfelt, surprisingly touching note sincerely congratulating you. It follows as such:
“Dear Hot Shot, welcome to the Kablammo Klub!”
Avalon, Avalon, Avalon...
Larry leads you out on a Balcony With a view of his domain... and in the distance, a house.
Larry says they need to get to the house, as it’s owened by Victoria von Bathysphere. (Just a heads up, they all have names like this.) and she built them a Sackbot army. Ah, another Alliance member!
The Temperamental Baketress
Larry struggles to keep up as you rush to Victoria’s House. Unfortunately, the Negativatron beats you to it, as he descends down upon Victoria’s residence. The Sackbots, which look like cute wooden robots, are sucked up, as is the rest of Victoria’s house. Luckily, the woman herself is able to board a train that she built herself, streamlining down to meet the duo. She is understandably distressed, as you would be too if a vacuum cleaner from hell sucked up your pet project. Victoria is a doll, literally and figuratively, with a metallic dress, welding googles, and oversized wind-up key on her back. Larry attempts to soothe her, as he has a bit of a crush on her. However, since All Love Is Unrequited, she doesn’t notice. She is too busy bemoaning how this turn of events was surely her fault. Notice how, when she says this, an eerie purple light appears, almost like when Larry started to lose his patience with Avalon. Hmmmmm...
At any rate, Larry suggests that Sackboy help. Victoria has a mood whiplash of her own, happily saying that ‘all’ you would have to do would be journey though her house, and shut down her Brainwave Machine, which is hijacked into making evil sackbots, named Meanies.
We are on board a moving train for this one, as Victoria introduces you to the Grabinators, gloves that allow you to pick up extremely heavy objects. You make your way through the train, learning how to kill meanies: You hit their ‘brains’, gooey bubbles on their bodies. Eventually, you crash the train, landing the gang on Victoria’s rooftop garden.
In this one, you use the grabinators to hold cakes that allow you to slide down railings. It is here you see that Victoria has something of a sweet tooth; her house seems to be made of cookies, cakes, and other deliciou things. After falling down her chimney, you land in her kitchen, because who doesnt love a fireplace in your kitchen?
You start this level with Victoria saying if they want to get to her Brainwave Machine, they must get through her kitchen, so of course you must go in her stead. She will supply you with help, in the form of a cake shooting gun hat called The Cakeinator. You shoot cakes at the Meanies, and they die. Using this, you make your way through the kitchen, which shows that Victoria‘s Laborator has a Steampunk-Bakery theme.
You are (finally) in the Lab. Victoria and Larry warn you to not run into the open electrical conduits. You go past some disturbing experiments, killing Meanies until you reach the Brainwave Machine. It is creating a steady stream of Meanies. You must literally “pull the plug” on the Negativatron‘s scheme, and all is well.
Ah, the sun is shining, birds are singing and Victoria, Larry and you must only head over to... somewhere to get your Sackbots back, stop the Negativatron, possly go out for Pina afterwards. What could possibly go wrong? Alas, the Negativatron reactivates the Machine for one last fight. It has come to life and is climbing up Victoria’s house, like King Kong. There are three stages, because this is a Video Game, after all. In the first, you must jump over incoming bolts of electricity. Then you grab a conveniently placed Cake. Throw it into the Machine’s waiting maw! Kill it! Kill it!!! Do that 2 more times and you get to the second stage. You pick up a Cake to use a shield against incoming plasma projectiles. Throw your cake into its waiting maw, rinse and repeat 2 times, you now the drill. The 3 stage involves you dodging beams of energy, then throwing your cake into its waiting maw 3 times. This time, it doesn’t go up farther, but falls down, of the house... Into some random explosives. It blows up.
Follow That Sackbot!
Victoria morns the loss of her Machine. Hey, If it was me, I would be morning the loss of my house. Just saying. Larry pulls out a telescope and says that the Negativatron is taking the Army to some place called The Factory of a Better Tomorrow. Just as we are about to rush over to the next location, Victoria says she can’t come with us. Larry, for obvious reasons, really wants her to come with them, calling her his “pineapple upside-down cake”. But she can’t. Oh well, Larry, you will get your chance at true love later, as this isn’t the last you will see of Victoria von Bathysphere. For now, you trudge off to the Factory of a Better Tomorrow.
The Factory of a Batter Tomorrow
The Sad Song of Clive Handforth
As you follow a line of hypnotized Sackbots marching into the Factory, a voice calls