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  • "The pen is blue! The pen is blue! The goddamn pen is blue!".
    • "Write it! Write it or I'll break it off!"
  • "I changed lanes without signaling while running a red light and Speeediiing!!
  • "It was Meeee!"
  • The roast of the board.

 Mr. Allen: I like your style, Reede! That's just what this stuffy company needs - a little irreverence!

Fletcher: Good! I'll see you later - DICKHEAD!

  • Fletcher's fight with himself in the bathroom; if nothing else, for this exchange:

 Judge: Who did this?

Fletcher: A MADMAN, your honor! A desperate fool at the end of his pitiful rope!

Judge: What did he look like?

Fletcher: (Beat) About 6'2, 180 pounds, big teeth, kind of gangly.

    • In middle of the said self-inflicted beatdown, when another man walks on him:

 Man: What the hell are you doing?!

Fletcher: I'm kicking my AAAAASS! DO YOU MIND?!

  • "STOP BREAKING THE LAW, ASSHOLE!"
    • Some people cheered in the theater when this line was delivered - a sore point re: the practice of law?
  • This exchange:

 Fletcher: Your honor, I object!

Judge: Why?

Fletcher: Because it is devastating to my case!

Judge: Overruled.

Fletcher: Good call!

  • "Some idiot's hijacked a flight of stairs!" Not a statement you hear very often...
  • From the bloopers:

 Fletcher: (approaching witness with paper) Mrs. Cole (crumples up paper) A goose!!

  • "The fact that my client has been ridden more than Seattle Slew-- IS IRRELEVANT."
  • "Short, shriveled and always to the left!"
  • "Thats because you have big jugs! I mean your boobs are huge! I mean, I want to squeeze them....mama!" Cut to the next scene, where he's been punched in the face.
  • Also, the sequence in the court where he keeps objecting to himself.
  • HERE SHE COMES TO WRECK THE DAAAAAAAY !!!

"I object!"

"You would!"

"Over actor!"

"JEZ-E-BEL!"
—"Oh no! They're onto me!"
  • This exchange:

 Kenneth: So all we've got to do is lie, that seems simple enough.

Fletcher: DOESN'T IT?!

  • Fletcher's secretary told him she's upset that her friend got sued by a burglar who got injured trying to break in. His lawyer got the guy a six thousand dollar settlement.

 Greta: Is that justice?

Fletcher: No. (Beat) I'd have got him ten.

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