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Lister: Rimmer, proper dumplings, when they are properly cooked to perfection, Rimmer, proper dumplings should not bounce!

Rimmer: True, but after the way I thought they were going to turn out they were quite superb.

Lister: So how's the Cat?

Rimmer: Oh, he's just sleeping off the stomach pump... He'll be all right. The lamb was a bit of a flop though.

Lister: The Lamb!? Everyone thought the lamb was the cheese! And that Lemon Meringue Pie, man, what was in that?

Rimmer: Well you liked it! You bought some back.

Lister: Yeah... I wanted to try some out on my Athlete's Foot!
"There was nothing wrong with that food. The salt level was only ninety percent of a lethal dose."
Bender, Futurama

 <scytale> man, i suck at cooking

<scytale> was cooking something, piece of food fell on the floor

<scytale> dog ate it up, then threw up

Hank: How do you blow up a salad?

Oscar: Happens more than you think.

1. Peel onion and potatoes, cutting them into appropriately-sized pieces.

2. Pour some oil into a pot and saute the onions.

3. When the onions become translucent, add the cut beef and potatoes and saute.

4. After stirring to a good amount, add water, sugar, soy sauce, and salt. Let the mixture simmer.

5. When the sauce's color changes a bit, add 45cc of sulfuric acid.

6. After a bit of simmering, shut off the heat, and add the chloroacetic acid and potassium nitrate. Mix well, and turn on the heat again to simmer.

7. Turn off the heat, contact a professional to process the remaining liquid in the pot, and it's done. Remember not to dirty the kitchen, as this is a rule that any chef must obey. With this meat and potato stew, that special person's tongue will definitely, definitely become addicted! You can't go wrong!
—Excerpt from one of Mizuki Himeji's recipes, Baka to Test to Shoukanjuu
"Asuka's cooking isn't just bad, it's almost supernatural. When she steps into a kitchen, strange things start to happen. It's like she turns off the Earth's magnetic field."
—Yuuki, E's Otherwise on his sister

Luke: P-Professor! There's smoke coming off this tea!

Layton: We may have created something that was never meant to be.

Luke: I'm no coward, but even I'm not brave enough to drink that stuff.

Layton: Well then, our next course of action is obvious. Let's seal up this recipe and never make it again.
Professor Layton and the Diabolical Box, if you screw up on the tea minigame
Sera: Hurry! Put it in your mouth before the bowl melts!

Invidia: Terrible, isn't it? On a scale of one to ten, ten being the most revolting and one being almost edible, I believe that rating this recipe would require the use of exponents.

Isana: I suppose food does not absolutely need to taste good in order to keep one alive.

Invidia: But to keep one from committing suicide, it does need to taste better than this.
First Lord's Fury, on the Vord Queen's cooking.

King Dedede: (tasting samples of Kawasaki's food) Tasteless! Nasty! Awful! This stinks! This too! Lousy! Putrid! Rancid! TREASON!!! Kawa-yucki, I oughta fry you up like a fritter!

Escargoon: I know this came out of the oven, but it tastes like it came outta the sofa cushions!

King Dedede: There's a word for this here stuff, and it ain't "food"!
Kirby Right Back At Ya, "The Big Taste Test"
I didn't know you could burn juice.

Return to Lethal Chef, and take your burning cereal with you.

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