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File:Joueur-du-grenier2 7316.jpg


Le Joueur du Grenier ("The Attic Gamer" ; real name : Frédéric Molas) is a French retro video game tester who plays mostly horrible games, but also a few merely Nintendo Hard games.

He is basically the French equivalent of The Angry Video Game Nerd. Prone to get mad at his video games, he still goes through almost all them, much to his chagrin and to his viewers' amusement.

Games tested so far, chronological order:

He also made six specials without game reviews:

  • Téléchat, a very disturbing TV show. For kids.
  • Three videos about the late 80's / early 90's anime and cartoons broadcasted in France (including one video only focused on girly cartoons), and some French sitcoms.
  • The adaptations of video games in cartoons and TV shows.
  • He humorously answered to commonly asked questions about him.

Le Joueur du Grenier provides examples of:

 Give me one fun activity involving entering and exiting holes? *Beat*

Seb : Errr... Speleology ?

    • In the Airwolf review, he notes that the NES version can be finished in 10 minutes, and since it costed 500 Francs (about 82 US dollars at the time[1]) when it came out, the game basically cost 50 francs per minute.

 For fifty francs per minute, you can buy something much more interesting, if you know what I mean...

  • cut to a creaking bed*

Like renting a creaky bed!

  • camera pans to JDG, reading a comic book and bouncing alone on the bed*

... Why did I even do that?!

  • Big No : At the end of the sports game episode. The next episode starts with this same scene.
  • Big "Shut Up!" : A few times, most notably in the Saint Seiya episode.
    • At the end of his rant about how the music in Airwolf gets really annoying really fast since the "mute" function cancels itself every time he loses a the game, which happens pretty much every five seconds.
  • Blind Idiot Translation: The few games translated in French.

 "These translations are dumb, but they have their charms and are one of the reasons City Hunter was so successful. You like or you hate, that's your own opinion."

"But there's one thing I won't forgive, it's Dragonball Z, and the translations of the attacks!"

  • Brick Joke:
    • "Oh, a leaf."
    • In the Dragon's Lair video, when he go to fetch the game in his Torture Cellar, we can see an Alf plushy and a chained Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cart.
    • In the beginning of the Virus video, we see that his garden contains a menhir (Astérix And the Great Rescue), a bomber (The Smurfs), a koalaplatypus-headed robot (Power Rangers Lightspeed Rescue), and a De Lorrean (Back to The Future Part II and III)
    • When he adds Elite (the company behind Dragon's Lair and the Airwolf games) to his list of enemies, you can see a picture of Cryo (the company which made Virus and Time Cop, two games he reviewed) and another of Kato from Ai Shite Knight, whom he describes as a creepy and sociopathic stalker in his special episode about animated shows for girls.
  • Button Mashing: Does it (obviously) in his Track & Field review with his fingers, his shirt and a lighter. Takes it to the next level in Dragon's Lair, where he uses a jackhammer.
  • Captain Obvious: "But what I love in this tutorial is when they stop you during the action to give you a really useful advice like: To jump, press the jump button. Thank you Captain Obvious."
  • Clothes Make the Legend: His flower-adornated yellow button shirt. He decided to wear it to make the visuals more cheerful, and also as a homage to (now gone) French singer Carlos, who was also a portly bearded man in flowery shirts.
  • Color Coded for Your Convenience: JDG wears a yellow shirt when he reviews bad games, a blue-white shirt when he reviews cartoons and other non-game media, and an orange shirt when he is playing a good game (or pretending to).
  • Couch Gag: Referenced in the beginning of the The Simpsons Bart vs the Space Mutants video.
  • Did Not Do the Research: Played for Laughs in the video about Saint Seiya
    • Apparently, JDG doesn't know what "demise" means in English (in his Waterworld review).
      • In the same vein, in his RPG review, he translates the word "fellow" to "compagnon", which means "ally", while the character being talked about is a bad guy.
    • JDG complains about Trunks in Dragon Ball GT not being as Badass as he was in Dragonball Z. That's because the DBZ Trunks he is referring is Future Trunks, coming from a Bad Future where he had to grow badass to survive againt the Cyborg menace. The one in DBGT is him having led a less harsh life, so of course he's due to be less developed.
  • Dope Slap: He does this to a Greybeard towards the end of his RPG review when he rewards his "quest" with a hammer.
  • Ear Worm : Some of the musics in the games he reviewed, most particularly the theme of Dragon Ball NES (european version), which he notices it.
  • Every Episode Ending: Destroying the game in a manner reminiscent to the episode's theme, like the AVGN often does.
  • Everything Trying to Kill You: Tintin in Tibet, most egregiously in the hotel (level 3) where you could be killed by Pekingese dogs, maids with vacuum cleaners, toppled suitcases, waiters with a platter full of goods...
  • Face Palm: Just check out the YouTube thumbnails.
  • Fake Difficulty: Lots of his games.
  • Fanon Discontinuity: In-Universe:

  "And there's nothing after Dragonball Z. NOTHING!!"

  • Godwin's Law: He introduces Airwolf on Amstrad CPC thusly:

 Let's just say that if Hitler were a video game developer, he would have participated in making this game.

  • Grotesque Gallery: JDG finds Téléchat creepy. Which isn't totally false, considering that many items in the show have an Uncanny Valley-esque human face (most notably a clothes iron, a phone and a microphone).
  • Guide Dang It: JDG gets stuck at the last Astérix and the Great Rescue level's beginning. The way to get past the wall is quite wall-banging, indeed.
    • The enigmas in Excalibur 2555 A.D. are non-logical, meaning if a single little item is missing or you don't know its use, you can't finish a level. And some of them require combining items.
    • This happens to him a lot because in a lot retro games, most of the plot was explained in the manual, but since he lost/lacks the manual for most of his games and the games themselves raraly give any indication as to what the player is supposed to do...
  • Gushing About Shows You Like: He's a huge fan of Dragon Ball and Jurassic Park.

 "Dragon Ball's universe, it's just the most awesome thing ever created!"

"Jurassic Park is my favorite movie. I saw it so many times I could tell the whole script by memory!"

"When you buy a Jurassic Park game, you expect some quality, since it's the best movie ever."

  "Let's call this the level 'THUD'. Why the level 'THUD' ? Because at the end, when you play it, you're like 'THUD'."

  "What? You want me to play some awful old sports games ? Ooooh noooo..." *leaves the phone and rushes to the games*

  • Insult to Rocks: "Saying this game is shit would be an insult to shit!"
  • Incredibly Lame Pun: A french one ; during the Airwolf review, he claims that the devloppers must really "en tenir une couche" (i.e. be really stupid), an expression which can be understood as meaning "holding a diaper"[2]. Cut to a scene where Seb is playing the game developper, typing on a computer... Holding a baby diaper.

 Seb: Seriously, you ever tried to create a game while holding a diaper?

Cue Losing Horns and a "Joke failure" message in the bottom of the screen.

    • In the Dragon's Lair review : "Alright, guys, today, we're going to like leather, I tell you. Because today's game tanned my hide. Leather, tanned, crappy joke."
    • On Batman & Robin : "This game was made by a company named Probe, so you already know it will live forever in the annals". Cue an X Box achievement.
    • On Excalibur 2555 A.D. : "This game isn't so hard, it is just awfully long and shitty and we take too much time on non-logical enigmas... I shouldn't be surprised, the editor who made this, Tempest, is known to only make stinky games (in French Tempest sounds like "t'empestes": "you stink") .
  • Jeopardy Thinking Music: This music is used during "waiting" periods, even though it's not really its typical meaning. Obviously, JDG is not familiar with the show (its French equivalent was only aired in France for a short time) and more with the parodies used in Internet parodies.
  • Line-of-Sight Name: In the Excalibur 2555 AD video, JDG thinks the plot has been written like this.
  • Magic Countdown: In Airwolf, not even the countdown works right.

 13, 12, 11, zeroooo!

  • Man Of A Thousand Faces And Voices: Seb, JDG's Sidekick and cameraman, frequently disguises himself to play a second actor on screen. So far, he played: Zordon, the CEO of Mauvais Jeux Inc (Bad Games Inc, the Mafia-esque company behind every crappy game in the JDG universe), the four Greybeards, the clown who programmed Dragon's Lair, The Grim Reaper, Merlin and Zeus.
  • Morally-Ambiguous Ducktorate: His alter-ego, Canard-Man ("Duck-Man", a parody of Batman) and his motto "Another victory for a duck!", which is also the slogan of Canard WC, a French brand of toilet-cleaning products.
  • Most Annoying Sound: In-Universe
    • The music of Asterix and the Great Rescue is very unnerving, to be polite.
    • The music of Total Recall too.
    • Shut up, Bubsy! Shut uuuup!
    • The Critical Annoyance in some games.
    • The music in Airwolf (Amstrad CPC version).
  • Mundane Utility:

  "Batman and Robin is a game you can use to slice ham !"

  • Stock Control Settings: JDG is not pleased that the Start button, instead of pausing, switches the type of punches in Rise of the Robots. He has his reasons, since it means there is no longer a Pause feature.

  "Start, is PAUSE! Ever since it existed, the Start button was always meant to PAUSE!"

 "The cartoons at this time were really serious. Sometimes even TOO serious."

"There, I remind that it's supposedly for kids."

"Candies, guns, fuel canisters, buy some matches!"

"There, real funny..."

"Damn, even the off voice seems on the verge of killing itself!"

"Listen to what the Big Bad says! [...] But it's completely sordid to say things like that!!"

"But it's horrible! But... But really but... Help!! They show that to kids?!"

  • Tempting Fate: Twice in the Excalibur 2555 review, when he comments on how cliché the enemies are :

 JDG: Seriously, the only way to make this game more cliché is to put in a mad scientist and Frankenstein's monster.

Those two enemies appear with the 1-Up Sonic jingle.

    • And after finding a bar in a cave :

 JDG: Stupid game, a bar in a cave... Why not a strip-club for transvestites while you're at it?

Seb: Actually, that appears later in the game.

  • Footage of said level is shown*

JDG: I hate my life.

 Zeus: For your punishment, you shall review Dragon's Lair!

JDG: No can do, I did it two months ago.

Zeus: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?

JDG: I did it a while ago!

Zeus: Uh, Dark Castle?

JDG: Already done.

Zeus: Damn, you really have a shitty life! Uh, E.T.?

JDG: Aw come on, it wasn't that awful!

Zeus: And Barbie? Barbie, don't tell me you've done Barbie!

JDG: Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh...

Zeus: Wah, you really had it rough.

  "Evil has returned... And it will hurt !"

Notes

  1. According to this the exchange rate in late 1988 was 6.0935
  2. the accurate translation for this expression is "possessing a layer", probably related to the English expression "being thick"
  3. Airwolf II on Amstrad CPC
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