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The Portal and Team Fortress 2 equivalents to My Immortal and the like, ITS MY LIFE! and TEEN FORTRESS 2 are two fan fictions sharing a plot by "MarrissaTheWriter", a pseudonym for (in)famous Fanfiction.net troll Sue Mary.

The first one, called ITS MY LIFE!, tells the story of Marrissa Roberts, seemingly Chell's sister with "Special powers" who is somehow pregnant with Wheatley's "robot ball/human baby", and was completed with sixteen chapters and a credits song.

The second fan fiction and a "seekwillspinoff" of ITS MY LIFE!, called "TEEN FORTRESS 2", tells the story of Scot/Scout, Team/Teen Fortress 2 and their problems in high school, and is now complete at ten chapters. (Not to be confused with this "TEEN FORTRESS 2".)

The author, while out of "inspertation", has been begged to write a third fan fiction. She recently gave in and wrote a new story, Invader Zim: Born Again Christian.

A sequel to ITS MY LIFE! was recently announced on The Half World, in which Marrissa, Wheatly and Chell Junor are forced to leave Portal Labs and Marrissa must participate in The Hunger Games.

Links to the fan fictions:

A complete Dramatic Reading of ITS MY LIFE! can be found at the blog "Cat Bountry vs Earth": (click to expand)

Links to readings

Several MS Tings of one or both fan fictions can be found at various blogs:

Links to MSTings

Now has a drinking game.

Compare My Immortal, My Inner Life, Light and Dark - The Adventures of Dark Yagami, Half Life: Full Life Consequences, Quarter-Life: Halfway to Destruction. Not to be confused with a certain Bon Jovi song. Or any other song named "It's My Life".


ITS MY LIFE! and TEEN FORTRESS 2 provide examples of:

 Apparently, MarissaTheWriter thinks that if it’s “the past”, just any old person from the past can be written into the story. Next she’s going to have Julius Caesar give everyone printing presses.

    • Though, black and white security cameras are there even nowadays, so these existing in the nineties isn't that unlikely.
    • Also, a form of Anachronism Stew occurs even in the present: Green Lantern was released after ITS MY LIFE! began (but before (?) it was referenced).
    • If Strip Six of Sweet Chell and Hella Marrissa was a reliable and/or canon source, TEEN FORTRESS 2 would take place in the 1920s.
  • Anyone Can Die - They will be resurrected in inane ways anyway.
    • Though, by the end of ITS MY LIFE! in the future everyone from Portal Labs save for Marrissa, Wheatley, Chell Junior and "Atbod and P-Las" (and possibly Rattmann) is dead for real.
  • Author Appeal - Only the males seem to ever be depicted nude or showcasing their genitalia, at least until Scot enters the girls' bathroom.
    • Also Chell's "booty" is given more attention than Chell herself in the story, to the point where it is referred to as a separate entity.
  • Back From the Dead - Several times in various means. There are two main ways to become un-dead in ITS MY LIFE!: one is that when you die, you appear in "Andord Hell" and can escape from it (this is how GLaDOS and "Gabe" Jonson came back to life) and the other is that when you eat zombie taters and "dead" you will become "zomboy" (Chell's case, she later came over to Adroid Hell and turned into her "retorded normal" self because there are no zombies in Adroid Hell.)
    • More weirdly played with Marrissa herself. One of her special powers is that when she eats the zombie taters and dies (or vice versa), instead of becoming a zombie, she simply becomes alive again.
      • People are brought back several other ways as well. G La DOS is brought back to life accidentally when Marrissa strikes her with lightning, and Wheatley comes back by Marrissa traveling back in time to bring his past self to the present to replace the dead Wheatley. The obvious and plentiful paradoxes that would cause are completely ignored.
  • Badass Family - Not only Marrissa has speshul powers and Wheatly has the Power of Love, their child, who isn't even born yet, can survive an attack from Assirram.
  • Marissa Can Fly To And Breathe In Space
  • Brain Uploading - Gabe Jonson turns Caroline into GLaDOS (named after her mother, Principal GLaDOS) and later Cave turns Wheatly into a robo ball.
  • Britain Is Only London - Invoked when Assirram is killing off "all the city of Englond", including the Queen.

 "Bloody no! There killin the queen!" Wheatly britished.

  • Cameo - The zombies from Resident Evil and Dead Space appear briefly.
  • Cloudcuckoolander - The author "Marrissa the Writer" seems to be one. Her responses to some of the negative reviews are just downright odd such as when stated her jokes about Chell being mentally retarded due to brain damage were Dude, Not Funny she replied by saying its okay because "CHELL IS JUST A PRETEND CARTOON!".
    • Also when Chell and G La DOS fuse, she becomes known as "CHELLGADOS", most reviewers believed it to be a simple misspelling of "CHELLGLADOS" only for Marrissa to explain "I NO THAT GLADOS IS SPELLED GLADOS I CALLED HER FUSION CHELLGADOS BECOS CHELL ALREADY HAS THE LS AN IT SOUNDED MORE COOLER!"
    • As well as this exchange:

 MarrissaTheWriter: ...he named it that (refers to Scot naming his baseball bat Marrissa) as a shutout to ITS MY LIFE!

ASBusinessMagnet: This is the past. He wouldn't know about ITS MY LIFE! because it wasn't invented yet!

MarrissaTheWriter: Thats why Scot dosent rember why he called his bat Marrissa!

  • Cluster F-Bomb - Logic dropped several of them with the introductory chapter of ITS MY LIFE!'s editing.
  • Crazy Prepared- When Doug Rattmann appears he reveals that to become immune from groin attacks he replaced his balls with the Space and Adventure cores while remarking "I'VE GOT BALLS OF STEEL!".
  • Crossover - Mainly between Portal and Team Fortress 2, there are also elements from Half Life and Invader Zim, the zombies from Resident Evil and Dead Space have cameos, and Marrissa cries that she has been Left 4 Dead.
    • In Teen Fortress 2 Harry Potter characters have begun to appear, and Harry is the same guy as Wheatley.
    • Marrissa later claimed she wanted ITS MY LIFE! and TEEN FORTRESS 2 to take place in the same continuity as an Invader Zim fanfic Love Knows No Race.
  • Dead Guy, Junior - GLaDOS. Cave Jonson. Chell Junior.
  • Death Is Cheap - G La DOS is resurrected by a lighting bolt after attempting "Sewiside".
  • Did Not Do the Bloody Research: Wheatley talks almost entirely in British swear-words. When reviews pointed out to Marrissa that these words are cusses in Britain instead of just insults like "darn" she said "(The Words) MEAN SOMETHING NOTTY? OMG!"
    • However when another review pointed out that technically they were insults too, she went back to using them misinterpreting that review to mean the others were untrue.
  • Disproportionate Retribution - So Chell is dancing... That makes it okay to shoot her in the head?

 Marissa has a very weird set of morals. Shooting your sister in the head because she’s brain-damaged = fine. Leaving your zombie sister who wants to eat your flesh in android hell, where she will presumably be fine since she’s not an android = WE MUST SAVE HER?!

  • Drugs Are Bad - Apparently "Altas" and "P-Boy" the robots drink and smoke drugs while they beat Marissa up.

 Wheatley: "He b***** wanna smoke some drugs/?" P-Body said an gave ne a drugs. "No." I answered becos drugs are bad I new from Marrissa.

  • Every One Remembers the Stripper: Averted, in chapter 6 Sniper brings a "striper" named Loise Boombooms to a party and she's never mentioned again.
  • Evil Twin - Cave Jonson is the evil twin of Gabe Jonson.
  • Executive Meddling - In Chapter 7 of TEEN FORTRESS 2 "Logic Edtor" comes in direct contact with Marrissa and wants to fix the chapter up so it comes off better, but Marrissa happens to be Genre Savvy and decides to post two versions of the same chapter: one unedited and uncensored (for the first time in the stories) and one fixed up.
    • This has happened to Chapters 8 and 9 as well, and an M-rated "better" version of ITS MY LIFE! is already here.
      • Which received a simple ">=(" from the author herself.
  • Fan Nickname - Quite a number of fans has called ITS MY LIFE! "My ImPortal".
    • Also many of the reviewers take to call Marrissa "Marrisser", which ended up appearing in the story afterwords.
  • Gorn - Marrissa can get really creative when writing how characters died. A select few death descriptions:

 The turrents screemed lick a screemin thing that screems an they died.

My hole body glowed brite gold an there was a huge boom an Assirram becomed a skelton. Then the skelton died.

An Atlas an P-Body lolled an shot me in head. "Marrissa!" Wheatly screamed an ever thing got really black an I died.

    • As well as how the Spy look's under his mask, how Wheatley became a personality core, and why Rattmann felt the need to replace his balls with the space and adventure cores.
  • Gag Boobs - At one point, due to a typo, Marrissa's fall was broken not by her lung fall boots, but by her "long boobs".
  • Grand Finale - Chapter 16 of ITS MY LIFE!.
    • ...And then a credits song was also posted and TEEN FORTRESS 2 started.
  • High School AU - Portal High School in general. Known characters are Gabe Jonson, Doug Rattmann, Caroline, Team Fortress 2 and human!Wheatley.
  • Idiosyncratic Episode Naming - ITS MY LIFE! has two chapters threes, then goes to chapter five. There is no chapter four.
    • While TEEN FORTRESS 2 actually does have a chapter four, chapter three is called "threen".
  • I Just Want to Be Normal - "Why cant I jus be a normal girl going to high school an have a boyfriend that isn't space lost!"
    • And guess where the second fan fiction takes place in?
  • IKEA Erotica - Averted; whenever it comes to writing sex scenes Marrissa just says "an you pervs out there Im not riting what happened next! =P".
    • Though, french kissing is described and makes Wheatley go sparks, which only leaves you wondering how he even survives the real thing.
    • Weirdly enough, while Logic does present himself as a better editor, he actually did insert a terrible sex scene. Which only led to Marrissa saying that the story is T-rated and can't have sex scenes.
    • Also, one of the reviews of ITS MY LIFE! tried to explain to the author what "wank" means:

 WANK =

Wank means to Masturbate.

To Masturbate is to stimulate oneself (you're already confused, aren't you, illiterate trollfic writer?).

To stimulate someone is to yank their pénis (or Willy/man parts/privates as you 7-year-olds put it) until they get an orgasm.

An Orgasm is that feeling of intense pleasure you get in sex.

Sex is something that you do to make babies (as you babies put it) or have fun.

You have sex by a man putting his parts into the lady's parts and moving them in and out and kissing each other and sucking each other's necks.

 Little Wheatly is a powerful bad arse now becos I have THE POWAR OF LOVE!

 “Since, you know, high school students often invent sentient A Is.”

 S’taht a ecin sdrawkcab eman uoy evah ereht, Assiram Strebor. [1]

  • Self Insert - The author's Pen Name is "Marissa the Writer" after all...
  • Sequel Hook - The credits song hints at the possibility of one, and that Ratman was not really dead and would play a roll.
    • More recently Marrissa The Writer has stated "TEEN FORTRES 2 IS GET SUM MAJOR STORY CHANGEZ AN WELL BE SORTA LICK A SEEKWILL OF ITS MY LIFE BECOS MAYBE MARRISSA WILL BE IN OR MAYEB NOT I HAVNT DESIDED YET."
  • Shout-Out - Marrissa quite frequently will make puns based on movies and video game names and makes sure the reader is aware of them.
    • From chapter one: "Atlas Shrugged (GET IT IT'S A MOVIE!)." [2]
    • Chapter two had "Misery (GET IT ITS A MOVIE)"
      • "Put him out of his misery" is also a quote from Inception, though, as it is a given Sue Mary is a huge movie buff, she could have referenced either.
    • In chapter four, the characters are Left 4 Dead
      • The biggest shout out in the story comes when Rattmann replaces his testicles with the Space and Adventure Cores so he can have "Balls of Steel", Marrissa explains "Thats from a game called Duke Nukum Forever its funny".
  • Lady Swears-a-Lot - Assirram. "(she seys a lot of cusses becos shes really evil)"
  • SMURFING - All the "<nationality>-ing" (i.e. "britishing") words and "happying".
  • Space Is Noisy - She attempts to avert this, but ends up playing it straight anyway:

 Then I rembered, in space noone can here you scream! So I couldn't here them, unless maybe I have another special power! I thot hard to try an listen when I heard something it was….. WHEETLY!

  • Spinoff Babies - Sort of; when Marrissa travels to the past she meets "Teen Fortress 2", the teenage versions of the characters from Team Fortress 2. She has started writing a Spin-Off about their adventures in "Portal High School" for your enjoyment.
  • Stock Dinosaurs - T. rex, spelled as... "trex".

 Assirram made the first portal it was the land of dinosaurs so we fot over a big volcano but a trex eated Assirram so I was happy but Assirram explodd out of the trexs tummy gettin blood an branes every where.

  • Take That - Towards the MS Ters. In the last chapter they get eaten by Scot's brothers and the "liter" get punched in the face.
  • Tangled Family Tree - While not too tangled, most of the main characters are related to each other with family relationships, and identical names make it worse.
    • To be specific, Principal GLaDOS is the mother of Caroline. Cave and Gabe Jonsons are twins, one evil and one good. Gabe and Caroline (turned into GLaDOS the A.I.) have two children, Marrissa "Roberts" and Chell, through artificial insemination, but the DNA is a mixup and Rattmann turns out to be Chell's biological parent. Marrissa and Wheatley (who is actually Harry Potter) marry each other and have one child, Chell Junior.
      • Scot's family is an entirely different story: Scot's father is a dog and mother is a human. His eight brothers are mad dogs (only one has been given a name, Wulf (deceased)), and Scot himself is a dog-human hybrid. Scot and Pyro are involved in a romantic relationship, as (unsucessfully) are Spy and Caroline.
      • And of course Cave cloned the good Teen/Team Fortress 2 to make evil Teen Fortress 2 and they (evil Teen Fortress 2) cloned Marrissa Roberts to make Assirram Strebor.
  • Timey-Wimey Ball - The later chapters feature heavy amounts of Time Travel, and Marrissa (the author) frequently gets mixed up on whether or not they're still in the past leading to some incredibly big plot holes, such as Wheatley dying, so she goes back in time to before she met Wheatley and brings him to the present only to forget its the past Wheatley so he inexplicably remembers things that in his timeline have not happened yet.
    • More beautifully explained with this quote: For those not getting it, this thought in the past is impossible because, since Facebook isn't "invented" yet, no one in the past would know about it.

 Evil Heavy: We shold right a mean things on her facebook page!

Evil Medic: No you idot this is the past facebook isnt invented yet!

      • Also, Marrissa and other characters are (or just attempt to look) Genre Savvy and are very careful not to mess up the "time streem", but do anyway: if Marrissa took Wheatley from the past she couldn't have met him in the future, because he simply wouldn't have been there.
      • Even more weirdly, Wheatley is shown to have affection to Marrissa before even meeting her.
  • Title Drop - The last line of the last chapter (not counting the credits song).
    • As well as Chapter 5 of TEEN FORTRESS 2, "ITS HIS LIFE!"
  • Troll Fic - Was confirmed to be such. Insane Guy of Doom (also known as Sue Mary) mentioned he wrote ITS MY LIFE! because he wanted Portal to have its own My Immortal.
    • For what this guy does when he's not trolling, see Being Human.
  • Tropes Will Ruin Your Life - Your Mileage May Vary, but the fact is that Marrissa knows of TV Tropes:

 I GOT A REVIEW SAYIN I WAS JUMPIN THE SHARK (ITS A TV WORD) AN I AM KINNA RUNNIN OUT OF IDEAS SO I THINK ONSE MARRISSA FIGHTS ASSIRRAM ILL END THE STORY BUT IT WILL BE THE MOST EPIC AN ENTENSE END YET SO MAYBE THE LAST ONE WILL BE CHAPTER 20? FIND OUT!

    • She also apparently knows of this article:

 It [ITS MY LIFE!] even gots a TV TROOPS page so its the most famos portal faaniction every!

  • T-Word Euphemism - Marrissa can spell a curseword covered in asterisks wrong. (Example: "b*****" (6 letters), to which closest examples are "bitch" (5 letters) and "bastard" (7 letters).)
  • Villain Ball - Why are "Altas" and "P-Boy" so evil? Who knows!
    • At one point it's stated they became villains after Marrissa accidentally left drugs and beer with them, they then smoked the drugs and drank the beer which turned them into "jersk".
  • Word Salad Title - The credits song "Im Still Want You Gone". One reviewer commented "My brain kind of tried to process that sentence and add in letters where I thought it might be plausible you were misspelling something, but this still manes no sense."
  • Write Who You Know - Marrissa already wrote "Katty Smithereens", the "Business Man" and "Mr. Logik Edtor" into TEEN FORTRESS 2.
  • You Keep Using That Word - Wheatley keeps saying "wank" as the author believes its simply a British insult. Leading to some hilarious Accidental Innuendo lines such as "You can bloody do it Marrissa. Wank them good!" and "Help me Marrissa this bloody bugger is trying to wank me!"
    • More specifically, she seems to believe it means "to beat someone up".
    • Also, "god save the queen" can be found in Wheatley's vocabulary, which is actually the name for the British anthem, and not used in everyday life, and much less in Portal 2 case.
    • "Feces" is not the same word as "faces".

The MSTings provide examples of:

 OH GOD NO

PLEASE NO

NOT A High School AU FIC

NOOOOOOOOO

 By Chapter 9 of ITS MY LIFE!, when the TF2 characters are first met: Also, is this the BLU team or the RED team?

By Chapter 10, when the evil clones are met: So is this the RED team or the BLU team?

By Chapter 2 of TEEN FORTRESS 2: "He waved an we got red for school." So I guess they’re the RED team, then?

      • It is revealed, however, that they became the BLU team, and then "Redman" cloned said team and made the RED team a.k.a. "Team Fortress 2". (The BLU team also called themselves "Team Fortress 2".)

 I suppose this settles the question as to whether this is the RED team or the BLU team.

 So G La DOS’ super-effective plan was;



1. Give Chell a brain damage relapse so she would Booty Quake

2. Force Wheatley to watch Chell Booty Quake without him knowing he was being forced to do so.

3. Tell Marissa about the zombie-making potatoes curing brain damage.

4. ???

5. Profit! Marissa’s Emo-Gothification and the death of everyone!

 Marissa laughs at GLaDOS, reminding her that she is immune to the nero …. nerdro … neuro … icky green farts.

  • The Unfortunate Discovery of Marissa Roberts:
    • Driven to Suicide: Both Space Core and Wheatley attempt to escape the story by jumping into a bottomless pit.

Notes

  1. If you take all the words and reverse them one by one, you get "that'S a nice backwards name you have there, marissA robertS."
  2. Followed by ""WHEATLY!" I screemed ayn rand towards him."
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