Imperial Stormtrooper Marksmanship Academy/Quotes

My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice. —Evil Overlord List, Item no. 56

And now we partake in the best part of any Arnold movie, when everyone in the entire world tries to hit this guy, and not one friggin' bullet touches him. STOP SHOOTING AT THE GROUND, YA MORONS!!! —The Nostalgia Critic on Commando

When has an action hero ever, even once, been killed by machinegun fire, no matter how many hundreds of rounds? The hit men should simply reject them and say, "No can do, Boss. They never work in this kind of movie."

Mike: You know, they shouldn't have set their phasers to "miss". Servo: Why is he so impossible to hit? Why do they keep missing the slow, giant, white thing? Crow: Here's some free advice for the mutineers: STOP AND AIM, YOU IDIOTS! —Mystery Science Theater 3000 , riffing on Space Mutiny

You can shoot them all day and not hit with aim like that! —Scarlet, Final Fantasy VII

Brigadier: No casualties? Turner: No, sir. All well. Fortunately Vaughn's jackboots couldn't... couldn't shoot a flying elephant. —Doctor Who, The Invasion

I don't know what all the fuss is about. Vogons are the worst marksmen in the galaxy. —Marvin, The Hitchhikers Guide to The Galaxy

Beast Man uses one of Grayskull's high tech kill-you guns to blast at the fleeing He-Man, altogether forgetting the cardinal rule of cartoon villains: they've got the worst aim in the universe. —X-Entertainment's article on a He-Man and the Masters of the Universe coloring book

I don't even really have to dodge. He just kind of misses. —Aang, Avatar The Abridged Series

The great thing about Jeremy's shooting is that you are perfectly safe just as long as you stand right in front of the target. —James May on Jeremy Clarkson's aim, Top Gear

Stormtrooper 1: Have we ever hit anyone with these guns? Stormtrooper 2: I hit a bird once. —Family Guy: Something Something Something Dark Side

I don't know, I just feel like we all have really great aim until the second we put on these helmets... —College Humor

The bad guys are always lousy shots in the movies. Three villains with Uzis will go after the hero, spraying thousands of rounds which miss him, after which he picks them off with a handgun. —Roger Ebert

A fierce battle follows, during which about 1 in 10 shots fired actually hits something. —Yet Another KotOR Parody

Lister: Why don't we meet anyone nice? Cat: Why don't we ever meet anyone who can shoot straight? —Red Dwarf, Quarantine

Linkara: Excellent shot, Mister Joe, except for the fact that you missed. Fire again! —Kickassia

You missed! How could you miss?! He was three feet infront of you! —Mushu, Mulan who didn't miss - she just wasn't aiming at what Mushu thought she was aiming for.

Lucky Luke: [A shot misses him and hits a cow] It's a shame to be such a lousy shot. Jolly Jumper: You'll not hear me complain. —Lucky Luke, The Rivals of Painful Gulch

Seeing the film the first time, I was swept away, and have remained swept ever since. Seeing this restored version, I tried to be more objective and noted that the gun battles on board the spaceships go on a bit too long; it is remarkable that the Empire marksmen never hit anyone important. —Ebert, again, reviewing the Special Edition of A New Hope.

"Remember, these are the Emperor's "best" troops." —Mike Nelson, on Return of the Jedi

Look son, being a good shot, being quick with a pistol, that don't do no harm, but it don't mean much next to being cool-headed. A man who will keep his head and not get rattled under fire, like as not, he'll kill ya. It ain't so easy to shoot a man anyhow, especially if the son-of-a-bitch is shootin' back at you. —Little Bill Daggett, Unforgiven

C-3PO: Oh no! Chewie, they're behind you! Bill Corbet: And if you give them several hundred unimpeded shots they might, might, just get lucky and bounce one off a wall that might, and let me stress again might, actually do some damage...possibly. —Riff Trax, The Empire Strikes Back