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In the ending moments of the Fourth Holy Grail War, certain people took a different tack to resolve the problem of the tainted grail. As a result, there was no fire that consumed Fuyuki City.

Ten years later, Shirou Urobuchi finds himself having the most harrowing day of his life. He is chased by a blue haired spearman for no reason, and his attempt to counterattack gets the school burnt down. After his life was saved by a white haired male dual wielding swords, he manages to get home, only to find Ilyasviel von Einzbern nee Emiya waiting for him. She's giving him an early birthday present, her virginity. The red haired, internet savvy, hungry for Sakura Matou, teenaged boy accepts, and soon finds his fate tied to the Emiya family, just as the Fifth Holy Grail War begins...

I Put On My Robe And Wizard Hat is a Fate/stay night Fanfic written by Ol'Velsper. It is an attempt to reimagine the Fifth Holy Grail War in the same vein as the Interview-verse fics of The Sage of Toads. That means making people Genre Savvy, One of Us, and most importantly Crazy Awesome.

The Sequel, Apostles in Leather Pants, takes place not long after the first story and reimagines Tsukihime. Let's not forget the side story, Reflection of the Kaleidoscope, contain some what ifs and some crossovers.

This fanfic contains examples of:

  Shirou: Multi-Track Drifting!

  Archer: 'Fuck your bullshit, Gaia.'

  According to Word of God: "Zouken was easy mode as a villain. I want to try to brush my dialogue for the harder ones."

  • Equivalent Exchange: Archer-Urobuchi's ability seems limited to exchanging artifacts with similar histories. He can trade up for more potent Noble Phantasms by offering his personal Noble Phantasm The Jewel Sword Kischur Zelretch Schweinorg.
  • Evil Twin: The Einzberns send in a dark skinned version of Ilya as their representative of the Fifth Holy Grail War.
  • Explosive Overclocking: How Shirou defeats Worm!Shinji. He flooded one of Kirutsugu's Origin Bullets with prana and shot Shinji with it. This caused Shinji's mind to experience more information than he could handle and nearly drove him insane. Shirou specifically compares it to a DDOS attack.
  • For Want of a Nail: Archer-Urobuchi picks up the slack when Rin Tohsaka misplaces the gem stone that would serve as the catalyst to call Archer-Emiya.
  • Good Costume Switch: When Medusa-Rider becomes Medusa-Saver, she's wearing white.
  • Guile Hero: Taiga's grandfather Raiga Fujimura. When asked for help with the Zombie Apocalypse he says that he can't take direct action because of the Tohno. After Taiga and company leave he fires 15 of his guards along with his assistant of 15 years. When the assistant asks about his severance pay Raiga tells him to help himself to anything in the armory and that Taiga is currently recruiting "workers."
  • Happily Married: Kirutsugu and Taiga.
  • Heroic Sacrifice: Caster, Lancer, and Berserker during the final battle. (They may survive) Archer and Shirou at the end.
  • Idiosyncratic Episode Naming: All chapters except for the first and the last three are named after Dungeons and Dragons spells; specifically, Wizard or Sorcerer spells.
  • In Spite of a Nail: Despite no fire, Avalon is inserted into Shirou in order to keep him from being overwhelmed by the awakening of his magic circuits.
  • Merlin: While hallucinating during his Reinforcement training, Shirou encounters Myrddin Emrys in the guise of a cute 12-year-old boy.
  • Yakuza Princess: Taiga Fujimura-nee-Emiya
  • Murder the Hypotenuse: Shinji orders Medusa-Rider to kill Shirou after Ilya dumps him. Too bad for him he didn't know that Shirou was a Master, and that Archer made use of Medusa for his own plans.
  • Naughty Tentacles: Ilya's thoughts after the first encounter with worm-Shinji.

  Ilya: Why'd I lend La Blue Girl to him again?

 "Who the hell do you think I am? My name is Shirou Urobuchi!" His hands lashed out and grabbed onto the king's own, causing a spark to run up Arturia's hands. Only Irisviel had really been touchy with her during the Fourth War. "Not Kiritsugu Emiya! I'm me! Shirou the Wizard!"

  "Alchemy. Does. Not. Work. That. Way."

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