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Groucho: Two beers, bartender!

Chico: I'll take two beers too.

This is a stock joke, usually used to highlight a character's greed and status as a Big Eater, or to show that he wants to drown his sorrows in alcohol that much faster. In a related joke, one person orders enough for two, then turns to their friend and says "And what will you have?"

In some contexts, the speaker might lack familiarity with the restaurant's cuisine and thus not be aware that their friend ordered enough for both: "Oh, I guess I'll have a 'larjj-peetsa' too."

Compare Cut a Slice, Take the Rest.

Examples of I'll Take Two Beers, Too! include:


Advertising

  • The famous Twix commercial tagline:

  Two for me. None for you.

 Ms. Piggy: Let's have three [breakfasts]. (Beat) Anything for you, Kermie?

Kermit: We're going to need a bigger booth.


Anime & Manga

  • Slayers:
    • Lina Inverse is a Big Eater, and does this sometimes with food.
    • Gourry Gabriev as well.


Comic Books

 Hulk: Two hot fudge sundaes, please.

Betty: Hulk, you're so sweet. How did you know my favourite?

Hulk:...

Hulk: One hot fudge sundae for Betty, also.

  • 70s Stoner comic The Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers (no, not that kind of furry) has the titular trio rushing into a burger joint, one calling for three burgers, the other two each following up "that sounds great! three for me too!"
  • The German Werner series, which features massive drinking, has plenty of these:

 Werner: This calls for a drink!

Andi: What, just one?

Werner: Allright, two! * to waiter* Four beers, please!

Andi: Me too!

This happens after they each already had a couple of "two beers" a few minutes ago.
    • Twice actually. Werner does not order eight beer the next time (which would have led Andi to order another eight). Still they end up with their small table filled with eight empty beer bottles and eight empty liquor glasses.
  • Happens several times in Dork Tower, usually after Matt has suffered yet another indignity with his gaming group or his personal life. One trip to a Ren Fair had him depressing a nearby bard into the same funk

 "Good idea, three meads for me too".

 Lady Blackhawk (signaling the bartender): Two shots, straight.

Dove: I don't drink alcohol.

Lady Blackhawk: Never said you did.


Film -- Animated

 Andi: Seven beers, please.

Truck drivers: Seven for me, too!


Film -- Live Action

  • The A Night at the Opera quote above might be the Ur Example.
  • ...unless it's the Laurel and Hardy movie The Fixer Uppers, which came out in the same year and has an almost identical exchange.
  • Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home does a version of the joke involving a pizza -- unusually, it's used to mark Kirk as a Fish Out of Temporal Water in the 20th century rather than as a glutton.
  • Shows up in Zack and Miri Make a Porno at their high school reunion.
  • In the first Charlie's Angels movie, Dylan orders three burgers, three fries, three shakes, and three apple pies. She turns to the others and asks them what'll they have.
  • Occurred in Crocodile Dundee, when in a high class restaurant and the yuppie couple he's with order "two vodka martinis", he replies "Yeah, I'll have two o' those, and a beer, thanks!"
  • There's an interesting variant of this in Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End: Cutler Beckett pours out two glasses of drink, intending for him and Jack to each have one. Jack goes ahead and drinks them both.
  • From Scott Pilgrim vs. the World:

 Scott: Two gin and tonics, please.

Ramona: You drink?

Scott: Only on special occasions. Why, did you want one?

  • From Fort Apache: The four sergeants approach the bar:

 Sgt. Beaufort: Four beers, please.

Sgt. Mulcahy: And I'll have the same. With a whiskey chaser.

 Helen: Two martinis, please, very dry.

David: How'd you know what I drank?

Helen: Oh, you want one too? Three.


Jokes

  • "I'll have some H 2 O too."


Literature

  • The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy has Zaphod pouring two Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters, drinking one, sending another one down to check on it down one head and a third down the other so they could "meet at the pass and team up", and then a fourth to see what was taking them so long.
  • Terry Pratchett uses this gag in Moving Pictures, when the wizards are buying concessions at the Odium. About eight of them are seeing a movie; two go to the stalls and buy an enormous amount of food. "That seems about enough." "Okay ... do you think we should get something for the others?"

 Fred Colon: Two more pints, Tom. ...Make that two for Nobby too.

  Ridcully: Could you fetch the cheeseboards one to five, please? And, um, some of that cold roast beef, some ham, a few biscuits, and, of course, the pickle carts. Anyone want to add anything?

    • One of Twoflower's wittier moments is when Rincewind remarks that, after the pair's latest brush with death, he'd like to go for a couple of drinks. Twoflower turns it into this trope by saying he'd like a couple of drinks, too.
  • In a biography of Hunter S. Thompson called Gonzo, a person recalls an occurrence with Thompson, himself, and a third person at a restaurant where the waiter came by and asked for their Drink Order. Thompson spoke up and said "Four beers and four margaritas." The waiter, confused, pointed out there were only three of them. Thompson then said "I don't care if there's thirty three of us, I want four beers and four margaritas."


Live Action TV

  • The Comic Strip Presents episode "A Fistful of Travellers Cheques" does it with steaks. One of the cowboy wannabes orders two steaks and his friend immediately also orders two steaks in an attempt to out-macho him. This escalates until they are ordering ten steaks apiece.
  • The Tenth Kingdom uses the "...and my wife will have..." variant.
  • Stargate SG-1: The team is using alien technology that enhances their abilities and their appetites. Jack orders three steaks. As the waiter turns to leave, Daniel also orders three steaks, and then Sam orders three steaks. And a Diet Coke.

 Sam: What? I like the taste.

  • In Coupling, Jane visits Jeff at his home and tells him that she's ordered a pizza. Jeff replies that he loves pizza. Jane says "Oh, sorry, would you have wanted one as well?".
  • On The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Lou orders two drinks then asks Mary if she would like anything.
  • A slight variation on Corner Gas:

 Brent: Two chili-cheese dogs.

Tourist: Oh, nothing for me thanks.

Brent: OK. Two chili-cheese dogs.

  • Inverted in Threes Company: Mr. Roper orders two beers, then his wife orders a white wine. Mr. Roper's expression shows that one of the beers was for Mrs. Roper.
  • In Scrubs Dr. Cox had just reunited with his pregnant ex-wife and poured two glasses of scotch. She makes mention that she's pregnant and he says "Yeah, they're both for me."
    • Another episode has Dr. Kelso order two large drinks in a tropical bar. JD thinks, incorrectly, that he's going to be given one of them. "Can I at least have the fruit?" "Go away."
  • In Thirty Rock:
    • Big Eater Liz Lemon, while at a corporate retreat, announces to Jack that breakfast is complementary while carrying two plates piled with food. They're both for her.
    • There's also the occasion when Pete orders a large pack of donuts, and specifies that he's taking them home to his family. Then Liz makes the same order. To eat there. Alone.
  • In an episode of That 70s Show, Red loses his job and goes drinking with some of his ex-coworkers. He gets too drunk and eventually Kitty has to come to the bar to pick him up. When she arrives:

 Kitty: "Bartender, could I have two coffees please?"

Red: "I’ll have two more beers!"

Kitty: "Red..."

Red: "Okay okay, I’ll just have the one beer!"

  • On Spin City, Nikki is offering information in exchange for a drink. The other orders two appletinis, and Nikki orders "the same".
  • Happens in the TV series of Blue Thunder with one of the cops ordering a huge fast food order while the waitress looks incredulous. As she goes to fill it his partner goes: "And miss, I'll have the same."
  • One scene of Family Matters had the Winslow family hanging out at a bowling alley or somesuch, when Carl walks up with a tray full of food from the concessions. Several reach for the food and he responds with something like, "Oh, were any of you hungry?"
  • In an episode of The Drew Carey Show, the gang is poisoned with a drug that makes them vomit when they consume alcohol. Lewis and Oswald begin bonding with two recovering alcoholic women over the fact that they can't drink. Later, the guys try to explain what happened to them, by drinking a sip of beer, only to realize that the drug has worn off.

 Lewis: Waitress! Four beers!

Woman #1: Wait, we can't drink! We're recovering alcoholics!

Lewis: Oh, sorry. Eight beers!

  • An episode of the New Zealand show Go Girls involves four of the characters finding out their business is being sold and they will soon be out of a job. Naturally they go to a bar and the main character asks for four shot glasses and a bottle; he then asks the other three if they want anything.
  • In an episode of Gilmore Girls Digger tells Lorelai that he has the world's largest bottle of vodka back at his place after a brutal night with her parents. She then asks what he'll drink. He replies, "Gin."
  • Cheers:

 Norm: "Gimme a pitcher. What'll you have George?"

  • Appears as a sight gag in the Hitch Hikers Guide to The Galaxy television show. Zaphod prepares two drinks, and Ford reaches for one of them, assuming it's for him, but it's snatched from his grasp as Zaphod drains them both with his two heads.
  • On Community, Pierce to Troy, with two cans of Brand X Cola:

 Pierce: "Those are both mine."

  • A variation in the Young Blades episode "Da Vinci's Notebook":

 Ramon: D'Artagnan met these sisters. They're triplets. It's gonna be a wild night.

D'Artagnan: And if you two find ladies of your own, you're welcome to join us.

  • From an episode of MASH:

 Hot Lips: Two beers.

Hawkeye: I'm having Scotch.

Hot Lips: They're both for me.

 Abbott: Go ahead, just order something small.

Costello: I'll have a small steak.

  • An episode of El Chavo Del Ocho has Chavo and Chilindrina eating at Doña Florinda's restaurant. Chilindrina orders 2 entire meals and Chavo tries to order the same, when Chilindrina tells him that was for both of them El Chavo whines that it's too little. Then Doña Florinda goes to take Mr. Barriga's order, who is secretly paying for the kid's food, and Mr. Barriga tells her he will be having the same as the kids, but that he will take double ration.
  • An early episode of Midsomer Murders had Joyce in a bar with friend who ordered two large whiskies and soda, then asked Joyce if she wanted anything.


Newspaper Comics

  • Used as the punchline a few times in Beetle Bailey. Sergeant Snorkel is just the type to order double portions of either food or beer, as is his Distaff Counterpart Sgt. Lugg. Once when they go eating out together they ask for a table for four to have room for all the food. ("What other two people?") Another variant is when Snorkel is out with his dog and orders a long list of stuff to eat and drink, and then goes on, "And for me..." The basic variant also gets used a couple of times.
    • They even manage to invert it, with cinema chairs, once:

 Sgt Snorkel: I'd like two seats

Beetle: I just need one

  • One Sunday strip in FoxTrot opens with Peter and Denise at a McDonalds-like restraunt. Peter orders "two burgers, two large fries, two chocolate shakes", Denise objects, saying she wanted a vanilla shake, and Peter says he hasn't started ordering for her yet.
  • Ernie had a Sunday strip showing the local football team invading a bar where Ernie and Sid are drinking. It goes something like this:

 Cannibal #1: Give me eleven pitchers before I snap your neck!

Cannibal #2: I want eleven pitchers too!

(etc.)

Cannibal #3: He said he was a halfback so I ripped his arm off and said "I'll take this half!"

Ernie: So, do you come here to party after the game often?

Cannibal #4: It's only halftime!

Sid: Careful, Ernie. It's the Bayonne Cannibals, the world's most dangerous football team.

Cannibal #5: We're not the team, we're the cheerleaders!


Radio

  Soccer coach Bob Lindeman: I went down to the bar with my team and said: "Give me eleven bottles of the best whiskey you have!" Then I said "Now lads, you may order."


Video Games

  • In Grand Theft Auto San Andreas there is a mission where you and your homies get a drive-thru. One of your homies, Big Smoke, orders an absurdly long list of foods while the others order casually.
    • And then, when everyone else is busy trying to keep a rival gang from invading your neighborhood, Smoke eats all the food, even the stuff he didn't order. Of course, after you know he's betraying you, that scene can look much different.
  • A variant appears in the /silly command for male dwarves in World of Warcraft.

 "Oh, I'm just a social drinker. Every time someone says, 'I'll have a drink', I say, 'So shall I'!"


Webcomics


Western Animation

  • In an episode of The Oblongs, when Milo and Helga Phugley are living together (sorta) Helga says that she'll make a delicious dinner for two, and if Milo's good, she'll cook something for him as well. She laughs it off as a joke, though considering her weight, Milo didn't figure it out.
  • A variant occurs in Futurama. Bender says "This calls for a drink!" and pulls out three beers, when there are three characters present. He then drinks all of them at once.
  • Similarly, in Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law. Phil Ken Sebben pours two drinks. Birdman reaches to take his drink, but Phil just downs both without hesitation.
  • In the Squirrel Boy episode "Ice Cream Anti-Social", Rodney orders two sludgies, and Andy says he'll have the same.
  • In The Simpsons, Homer is walking up to Chief Wiggum after Wiggum exploding on him for "being a bad friend." Homer says "I brought a 30 piece chicken bucket", and Chief Wiggum responds "Did it occur to you that I might want some?".
  • The Looney Tunes Show: In "Beauty School", Porky orders two of everything at Speedy's restuarant, causing Speedy to ask him if he's finally got a girl. Porky replies "No".
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