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- "Bunny! Ball-ball!" Cue small dog being shot out of a window over a cliff.
- "STOP HELPING ME!"
- "How's my driving? Call 1-800-I'M GONNA FUCKING DIE!"
- The cherry on top is Hawk's reaction to it as he rides by: "Cesar, Anthony? (another large explosion for no reason) You okay?"
- Don't forget the part where, whilst lying on a stretcher being dragged down the highway, Hawk catches a discarded cigarette and, after taking a single puff, discards it with a disgusted mutter of "Ugh, menthol."
- "Hey mister, are you gonna die?"
- "Tollbooth!? ...Exact change?!?!"
- The entire Curare dart scene. Just...everything about it.
"The good news is, you will be completely unparalyzed in about 2 minutes. The bad news is, that only gives you 5 seconds to defuse the bombs."
- Just before the bomb on his forehead goes off, Snickers gets in a last request:
"Maybe it's a dud?"
- "Suck on that, you sinfully indulgent scumsicle!"
- The fact that the Mayflowers have absolutely no fucks to give about being Card-Carrying Villain s.
- "Gooooood, Yogi."
- "I feel like a dolphin that's never tasted melted snow" and everything else about Anna's fake drug trip.
- The ambulance containing the mob guys exploding for no other reason than it just did.
- Guess you won't be attending that hat convention in July!
- "Swinging on a Star" and "Side by Side" are both awesomely performed while subsequently robbing a museum and blowing up a castle.
- "I want to be treated like an adult." "Sure." "Now go to your room. (nose flick, complete with goofy sound effect)
- Butterfinger trying to order French fries...in Italy.
- Hawk's reaction to the Mayflowers saying "don't hurt him."
- Hawk's first meeting with the Marios. "Were you not New Jersey's third largest crime family, I'd tell you to kiss my ass. However, given your status, I will say: Slurp my butt."
- When Hudson finds out that Anna is a nun.
Hudson Hawk: Those better be tears you're crying, Tommy.
Tommy Five-Tone: [laughing and trying not to show it] They are!
- "So, when's this Sebastian Cabot Buckingham Palace-looking butler-head motherfucker getting here?"
- "You come back here without your little Cub Scout army, and I'll kick your Centrally-Intelligent Ass up one side of the piazza and down the other!"
- Followed by an Offhand Backhand right into Kit Kat's face.
- "God, I miss Communism! The Red Threat, people were scared, the Agency had some respect... and I got laid every night."
- Eddie jumping off the roof and falling through a Plot Hole to land on a recliner in his parole officer's apartment.
- Eddie's been in jail too long.
Tommy: What do you want to do? Statue of Liberty? Entertain some ladies? Broadway tix? Seduce women? Play Nintendo? Bone some chicks?
Eddie: What's Nintendo?
- Brick Joke: "Will you play Nintendo with me?"
- The two-liner by the guards in the art house.
Guard 1: 673 "Wong"s in the phone book.
Guard 2: Hell of a lot of Wong numbers.
Guard 1: Look up "Chin."
- The weird girl with Pooky the Elephant.
Mother: Courtney, stop it, you're embarrassing your country!
- Hawk's gaffes with Anna.
Hudson: Is looking like a constipated warthog a prerequisite for a job in the art community?
Anna: Some of us warthogs are less constipated than others.