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  • "Bunny! Ball-ball!" Cue small dog being shot out of a window over a cliff.
  • "How's my driving? Call 1-800-I'M GONNA FUCKING DIE!"
    • The cherry on top is Hawk's reaction to it as he rides by: "Cesar, Anthony? (another large explosion for no reason) You okay?"
    • Don't forget the part where, whilst lying on a stretcher being dragged down the highway, Hawk catches a discarded cigarette and, after taking a single puff, discards it with a disgusted mutter of "Ugh, menthol."
    • "Hey mister, are you gonna die?"
    • "Tollbooth!? ...Exact change?!?!"
  • The entire Curare dart scene. Just...everything about it.

 "The good news is, you will be completely unparalyzed in about 2 minutes. The bad news is, that only gives you 5 seconds to defuse the bombs."


    • Just before the bomb on his forehead goes off, Snickers gets in a last request:

 "Maybe it's a dud?"

  • "Suck on that, you sinfully indulgent scumsicle!"
  • The fact that the Mayflowers have absolutely no fucks to give about being Card-Carrying Villain s.
  • "Gooooood, Yogi."
  • "I feel like a dolphin that's never tasted melted snow" and everything else about Anna's fake drug trip.
  • The ambulance containing the mob guys exploding for no other reason than it just did.
  • Guess you won't be attending that hat convention in July!
  • "Swinging on a Star" and "Side by Side" are both awesomely performed while subsequently robbing a museum and blowing up a castle.
  • "I want to be treated like an adult." "Sure." "Now go to your room. (nose flick, complete with goofy sound effect)
  • Butterfinger trying to order French Italy.
  • Hawk's reaction to the Mayflowers saying "don't hurt him."
  • Hawk's first meeting with the Marios. "Were you not New Jersey's third largest crime family, I'd tell you to kiss my ass. However, given your status, I will say: Slurp my butt."
  • When Hudson finds out that Anna is a nun.

 Hudson Hawk: Those better be tears you're crying, Tommy.

Tommy Five-Tone: [laughing and trying not to show it] They are!

  • "So, when's this Sebastian Cabot Buckingham Palace-looking butler-head motherfucker getting here?"
  • "You come back here without your little Cub Scout army, and I'll kick your Centrally-Intelligent Ass up one side of the piazza and down the other!"
  • "God, I miss Communism! The Red Threat, people were scared, the Agency had some respect... and I got laid every night."
  • Eddie jumping off the roof and falling through a Plot Hole to land on a recliner in his parole officer's apartment.
  • Eddie's been in jail too long.

 Tommy: What do you want to do? Statue of Liberty? Entertain some ladies? Broadway tix? Seduce women? Play Nintendo? Bone some chicks?

Eddie: What's Nintendo?

  • The two-liner by the guards in the art house.

 Guard 1: 673 "Wong"s in the phone book.

Guard 2: Hell of a lot of Wong numbers.

Guard 1: Look up "Chin."

  Mother: Courtney, stop it, you're embarrassing your country!

  • Hawk's gaffes with Anna.

 Hudson: Is looking like a constipated warthog a prerequisite for a job in the art community?

Anna: Some of us warthogs are less constipated than others.

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