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"The year, ____________. The place, _____________."
The host of the show, who knows historical dates down to the second and wear watches from his shoulder to his wrist. Voiced by Frank Welker.
- Mad Libs Catchphrase: The above quote. Sometimes he switches it and says "the place..." first.
- Mister Exposition
- Shout-Out: Possibly unintentional, but he does resemble Maestro from thee french series Once Upon Time Man; both characters are wise, long beared old men who appearently are omnipresent through the ages to narrate in their series.
Big Fat Baby
Father Time's sidekick, and the reason why Histeria! was considered a Gross-Out Show. He is an egg-shaped parody of Baby New Year with a nasty habit of crapping his diaper. Voiced by Luke Ruegger.
- Fartillery: The Kid Chorus uses him as this in "Big Fat Baby Theatre".
- Infant Immortality: Seriously, look at what he can survive in The History of Poland sketch.
- Running Gag: The kids request help changing Big Fat Baby's diaper, claiming the last time he had a clean diaper was before something that happened a long time ago.
"We're walkin', we're walkin' we're readin' the wiki page!"
A ditzy but attractive tour guide who is always making mistakes with the information she gives out. Voiced by Laraine Newman.
- Brainless Beauty
- Dumb Blonde
- Hello, Nurse!
- Hey, It's That Voice!: Miss Information was part of the original Not Ready For Primetime cast!
- Meaningful Name: True to the pronunciation of her name, she doesn't get a lot of facts right.
- Ms. Fanservice
- Official Couple: With Mr. Smartypants.
- Punny Name
World's Oldest Woman
"I dated the missing link, let me tell you, you didn't miss much."
- Abhorrent Admirer: As Cleopatra (as herself occasionally)
- Dirty Old Woman
- Early-Bird Cameo: She made a few appearances on Animaniacs years before this show even began.
- Everyone Calls Him "Barkeep"
- Hey, It's That Voice!: Any elderly woman Tress MacNeille has ever played.
- Older Than They Look
The Kid Chorus
A mischievous brown-haired boy who likes to make his statements clear by shouting them in the loudest volume possible. Voiced by Cody Ruegger.
- Animated Actors: The episode "The Teddy Roosevelt Show" reveals he is also a writer for the show.
- Brats with Slingshots: He is shown using a slingshot in "Histeria! Goes to the Moon".
- Ensemble Darkhorse: At least the writers seemed to think of him as this.
- Hilarious in Hindsight: The sketch where he portrays Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart becomes this when you learn that his voice actor plans to pursue a career in film scoring.
- Honest John's Dealership: One episode was about him running dealerships of various historical things, like vacations in Pompeii.
- Ink Suit Actor: He is an Author Avatar of his voice actor, Cody Ruegger, who according to his dad Tom, "tended to be the loudest kid on Earth".
- Karmic Trickster
- Meaningful Name
- No Indoor Voice: Loud is, to quote the main page for this show, "more like 'Halfway across Manhattan Voice'".
- Running Gag: He likes to keep watch of things, silently muttering "See it, see it..." when it's visible and screaming "DON'T SEE IT!! DON'T SEE IT!!" when it disappears.
- Tagalong Kid: To the Super Writers.
- Toy Ship: With Charity.
"Can ya loan me a quart of motor oil and nine feet of chain link fence?"
A short blonde kid so named for his deep, frog-like voice. Voiced by Nathan Ruegger.
- Big Eater
- Gadgeteer Genius
- Large Ham: When the Wright Brothers can't provide him with the tools he needs.
- The Linus
- Meaningful Name
- Only One Name
- Picky Eater: "A turnip?! Yick! Now I'm really sick!"
- Toy Ship: With Aka.
- Vague Age: Averted; he's stated to be 10 in "The Civil War - Part 2".
"I'm not happy."
A melancholy blonde girl who almost always seem to be in a glum mood (except when singing).
- Catch Phrase: The above quote.
- Hair Decorations: Wears a bow and a headband.
- Little Miss Snarker
- Emo Teen: Except she's younger than a teenager.
- Ensemble Darkhorse: Even the show's detractors say she's the best character.
- Friend to All Living Things: Seen in "When America Was Young".
- Punny Name
- The Eeyore
- Toy Ship: With Loud.
"What's the dilly-o with that?!"
- Hey, It's That Voice!: Aka's voice sounds exactly like Numbuh Five and Foxxy Love.
- Punny Name
- Sassy Black Woman
- Toy Ship: With Froggo.
"Hey, you're not Scooby Doo! Gypola!"
A hyperactive red-haired teenager who is constantly bugging people for their autographs. Voiced by Tress MacNeille.
- Catch Phrase: "Ripoffski!" and "Gypola!" (which she sometimes says after getting autographs)
- Mad Libs Catchphrase: "Hey, you're not ____________!" or "Wait a minute, you're not ____________!"
- I'm Your Biggest Fan
- Loony Fan
- Official Couple: With Toast. They portrayed Romeo and Juliet at least twice.
- Running Gag: She constantly asks historical celebrities for their autographs, only to find out they're not the pop cultural celebrity she mistook them for.
"Ask me if I care."
A sunburned teenager who never seems to have a clue about what's going on around him, and never has any interest in the things his guest stars talk about. Voiced by Tress MacNeille.
- Cross-Dressing Voices: He is voiced by Tress MacNeille.
- Hey, It's That Voice!: This troper heard his voice being provided to characters in the last two episodes from season 7 of The Simpsons.
- Toast's voice sounds like Dolph (one of the three bullies on The Simpsons. He's the redheaded one in the green shirt while Jimbo [Pamela Hayden] has a black shirt and a purple hat, and Kearney [Nancy Cartwright] looks like a punk version of Homer Simpson).
- Only One Name: Actually, we're not even sure if Toast is his real name.
- Official Couple: With Pepper.
- The Stoner: Possibly, with some hints of Surfer Dude or Valley Boy.
- Totally Radical: He appears to be an Expy of Bill and Ted (fittingly enough).
"Hi mistah! Wanna buy a magazine?"
An obsessive Asian salesgirl who refuses to leave her customers alone till they have bought something from her. She is almost always accompanied by Lucky Bob. Voiced by Tress MacNeille.
- Honest John's Dealership
- Leitmotif: "Chopsticks" can always be heard as background music whenever she speaks.
- Toy Ship: With Lucky Bob.
Cho-Cho's slow-witted sidekick who likes quoting Ed McMahon. Voiced by Jeff Bennett.
- The Ditz
- Dumb Blonde: Albeit a male one.
- Early-Bird Cameo: On Animaniacs in the "Noel" segment.
- No Celebrities Were Harmed: A lot of his mannerisms were based on the late Ed McMahon.
- Toy Ship: With Cho-Cho.
- Big Eater: One sketch had him sick from eating too much hot dog soup.
- Butt Monkey
- Toy Ship: With Susanna.
"We're foretht thervice thurveyors, thurveying the forethtth and ecothythtemth for thothiety."
A Native American girl with a huge gap between her front teeth, which gives her great difficulty in pronouncing even her own name correctly. Voiced by Tress MacNeille.
Other Main Characters
The smartest man in the world, but also so incredibly shy that he wears really tall pants with which to partially cover his face. Voiced by Rob Paulsen.
- Getting Crap Past the Radar: He finds it hilarious when this happen.
- Hammerspace: He can apparently store anything inside his pants.
- Hey, It's That Voice!: Rob Paulsen, to be exact, using his Carl Wheezer voice.
- Official Couple: With Miss Information.
- Punny Name
- The Smart Guy
Loud Kiddington's pet dog who is so named for his love of fetching round objects. Voiced by Frank Welker.
- Non-Human Sidekick: To Loud.
- Shout-Out: Resembles Hunter from Road Rovers, albeit more brown.
- Talking Animal
An egotistical salesman with some sanity issues. Voiced by Billy West.
- Honest John's Dealership
- No Celebrities Were Harmed: He is a parody of the late Phil Silvers, in a tribute to his Sergeant Bilko character.
- Ted Baxter
A smarmy network executive. Voiced by Rob Paulsen.
The resident network censor who sometimes objects to whatever antics the rest of the cast gets up to. Voiced by Nora Dunn.
- Designated Villain: She's pretty much the closest the Histerians have to a recurring antagonist.
- Butt Monkey: Sometimes, she gets the worst treatment out of all the characters (particularly when she gets blasted by torpedos and discovers the real reason why "Damn the torpedos" is an appropriate phrase, despite containing a word that's considered taboo on American children's TV). The treatment is justified as, in most of Steven Spielberg's cartoons, network censors (along with studio executives) are Acceptable Targets to mock and make into villains.
- Go-Karting with Bowser: The fact that she's the network censor doesn't stop her from occasionally taking part in the sketches.
- Hey, It's That Voice!: Lydia Karaoke is voiced by Nora Dunn (a mid-1980s cast member of Saturday Night Live who was fired after season 15 [the 1989-1990 season] due to her boycotting an episode hosted by shock comedian Andrew "Dice" Clay)
- Media Watchdog
- Moral Guardians
- Political Correctness Gone Mad
- Think of the Censors: The rest of the cast doesn't, but her appearances on the show have much the same effect.
- Hey, It's That Voice! (Paul Rugg, using his Jerry Lewis-esque director voice from Animaniacs)
- Large Ham: What do you expect from a Paul Rugg-voiced character?
- No Celebrities Were Harmed
- Verbal Tic: "Shaddap!"
Molly Pitcher was a woman who supposedly carried water to cannon crews during the American Revolutionary War. It's said that when her husband, one of the cannon crewmen, was wounded during the Battle of Monmouth, she took his place at the guns. Now, she tends to show up whenever anyone in the series needs or talks about water (It's either her or Montezuma, and you don't want that!).