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"Hallo there, my name is Hans von Hozel.
I like to write stories to make an improve of my English.
Please read and enjoy! :)"
"I had idea when one day, I going in Berlin. Suddenly, everything in English! I could not understand it. It was like it in another language, so I make English and do stories in it. : D" - Hans von Hozel
Hans von Hozel is one of many writers on Fanfiction.net, though his fics have since been taken down from the website. Probably the most notable thing about Hans' collection of fics is that he had a fic for just about everything. Well, maybe not everything, but chances are if there's a huge fanbase (e.g. Twilight), there will be a fic for that sooner or later. Although, the plot might not have to do with the storyline at all...
You can find a steadily-building archive of his work here.
Hans von Hozel's works provide examples of:
- All Deserts Have Cacti: zig-zagged in World Cup 2010.
- Anyone Can Die - Most of his fics end on a melancholy note. For example: He kills all of the Ninja Turtles and Splinter in his story Ninja Turtles and in his Doctor Who fic, the Doctor gets eaten by raptors.
- Artistic License Biology -
- Artistic License Nuclear Physics - 'Suddenly, his potion solution constructed nuclear in its half life and opened up a black wormholee!!!!!!'
- Butterfly of Doom: "Doctor Who" has a time travel related accident with a feather duster which causes the world's population to turn into dinosaurs...who eat him...and conquer the world...
- Catch Phrase - His usage of "Danube" as a verb, usually to indicate someone or something moving.
- World of Danube: A Mamma Mia/Harry Potter crossover.
- Darker and Edgier - Pikachu gets made into a coat by Team Rocket, causing Ash to kill himself, Mary Poppins gets hit by an airplane while flying with her umbrella, Alice accidentally poisons herself when she drinks from the "Drink Me" bottle, just to name a few of the fates of famous popular characters.
- Department of Redundancy Department -
- Die for Our Ship - Invoked in Valentine's Day, Harry sets a dragon on Ron so he can have Hermione for himself.
- Disproportionate Retribution: In Pikachus Umbrella, Pikachu is locked in a prison cell for all eternity for stealing a TV set.
- The Dog Bites Back - "The animals had had enough of being used by Panda, and gave humans location."
- Downer Ending - Nearly every story he has written.
- Funny Foreigner: Hans himself.
- Genre Shift: Axis Powers Hetalia and The Room abruptly turn to sci-fi in midstream.
- Green Aesop: The Kung Fu Panda story. Maybe.
- Humans Are Bastards: Warhammer.
- Incredibly Lame Pun - Yugi becomes an Yu-Gi-Oh! card in Card Quest.
- In Name Only - On occasion.
- In the Style Of: if one is very charitable, Glitch City is Pokemon in the style of Metal Gear Solid 2.
- Kill'Em All:
- Lighter and Softer - "Ok so I saw a horrible scary movie call 'The Human Centipede' and is was horrible but I make this version where it is not so scary and of the happy ending!"
- Money to Throw Away - In Eurovision Song Contest 2010 Switzerland makes gold rain from the ceiling. This somehow fixes Greece's economy.
- Murder the Hypotenuse - See the comment for Die for Our Ship about the Harry Potter story Valentine's Day.
- Our Vampires Are Different: Hozel's Twilight and Let the Right One In stories use his own vampire mythos.
- Pastiche - His... distinctive style has inspired these from other authors, particularly by way of The Weekly Hans von Hozel Challenge.
- Pokémon-Speak: The Beatles can only say "Liverpol".
- Real Person Fic - And in a site where it's supposedly forbidden, although it's sometimes a result of confusion caused by I Am Not Leonard Nimoy and The Danza. This doesn't stop reviewers from threatening to report him, though.
- Rouge Angles of Satin - "Tron" is listed as a Troy fanfic.
- Saying Sound Effects Out Loud - In Spain Wins The World Cup the referee says "Toot."
- Shock and Awe - How Thomas the Tank Engine dies in one of his stories.
- Stealth Parody/Poe's Law - One can only hope.
- Together in Death: Edward and Bella, in Twilight.
- The Unintelligible - In Hans's fics, The Beatles can only say "Liverpol".
- Who's on First? - "One day, House was walk into his House."
- You Keep Using That Word -
- As mentioned, he seems convinced that the word "Danube" is a rather vaguely-defined verb.
- He also likes to take verbs and change them to "make a (verb)ing". For example, from the fanfiction Strawberry Fields Forever:
"LOOK!" shout Fans, "THE BEATLES ARE MAKING A STEALING!"
- He also thinks that the plural of "broom" (which he consistently spells "Brom", and uses as if it were a name) is "bromine". "Brom", however, is German for "bromine" he seems to have the two confused. Bromine just so happens to be a periodic element; an odd thing to get confused with a broom of the sweeping kind