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Majora's Mask

 Doomisland: Go read the Hentai Let's Play.

Maxwell: I've been reading that but there's been no porn yet.

  • Chapter 8-1: the commentators begins discussing mummies as if they're a bad group that troubled kids could fall into.

 Ferr: Hey kids, today we're here to talk about the dangers of hanging around with mummies. (others chuckle, pipes! begins beatboxing)

Evek: This isn't an after-school special.

Ferr: I had a full scholarship to college, before I fell in with the mummy crowd. (more chuckles from the others) I lost my job, I lost my house, I lost my girlfriend... and for what? To wrap myself up in bandages and hang around behind the mall?

pipes!: Yo man, you are out of step with Imhotep!

(everyone laughs for nearly half a minute)

  • Link getting gang-raped by zombies He goes from full-health to 1 and 1/4 health in the span of about 20 seconds.

 Evek: (after several seconds of everyone laughing) They're lining up! (laughter)

doomisland: Gang-bang~

Maxwell: (playing) No! No! No!

Evek: They're all lining up to take turns on ya--

doomisland: YES! Point-of-view shot!

Maxwell: (various sounds of frustration) This is horrible!

Ferr: You now have Hepatitis-C, gonorrhea, AIDS--

pipes!: You'll never know who the mummy-father is!

(Everyone laughs)

Ferr: ...herpes...

(Link flees and gets to safety; he's panting and barely clinging to life. Everyone else laughs more.)

Maxwell: Okay, I got the mask on.

Evek: Oh, god! The horror!

pipes!: The psychological damage has already been done!

Ferr: There's a women's shelter down the street, Link. (raucous laughter) Look at him, he's sobbing in shame! Fluids dripping out of every orifice...

pipes!: You'll be pulling bandages out of your ass for a week!

  • This troper is disappointed no one's linked to Maxwell letting us know he's going to fuck her gently.
    • It starts at about 7:30, for inquiring minds.
  • In Chapter 3-6, Ferr does his JFK impression while pipes! channels Woody Allen. Hilarity Ensues.
  • Ferr and Pipes! imitating a typical husband and angry wife who kicks him out of the house.
  • In Chapter 3-2, Ferr has a half-minute impromptu jam session of random sounds and gibberish that eventually culminates in a hoedown. Maxwell's reaction to it is merely the icing on the cake.
  • Eventually, when Ferr, Evak, and doomisland, or pipes!, get together they start saying any red text aloud which gets pretty damn funny.

 Maxwell: My neighbors are gonna think I'm starting the weirdest cult...


Master Quest

  • Most of the following can be found in this video.
  • The Astronauts' LP of Zelda Master Quest is very funny in it's own right, but particularly so during the Jabu-Jabu dungeon, which, I'll remind you, is inside the stomach of a giant fish. Highlights include Maxwell freaking out over the cows embedded in the stomach walls that act as switches, Pipes! trying to gross everybody out, and all four of the Astronauts reaction to Princess Ruto wanting to marry Link.

 Maxwell: Why were the blushing marks necessary? Or that camera angle?

pipes!: She's in looooove with you. She's gonna lay some eggs in a pond of shallow water, and you're expected to...

Evek: Swim over them?

pipes!: Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take six trillion showers.

Maxwell: We really don't need bedroom eyes on a twelve-year-old character, thanks.

pipes!: Oh, Japan.

Evek: Japan!

Ferr: Glorious Nippon.

Ruto: You mean the Spiritual Stone of Water, Zora's Sapphire, don't you?

Maxwell: Yeah, just give it to me.

pipes!: No, not that way.

Ruto: [...] You might call it the Zora's Engagement Ring!

Evek: Ohhhhh God!

pipes!: Zelda, you better be worth it. I married a fish for you. A FISH!

Ferr: Maybe she's into three-ways...

Maxwell: If this fish marriage goes through, I'm going totally Henry VIII on this.

pipes!: So you're gonna decapitate her? Gill it, scale it...

Ferr: ...and eat her with chips.

Maxwell: (hurrying through text) Yeah, it's a thing, I got it.

pipes!: You win and yet, you lose.

Her most precious possession? You don't know what she's talking about, but-

Maxwell: She's referring to her virginity, game, that's what she's talking about.

Evek: Oh God! Oh God!

pipes!: Her fish virginity.

Ruto: Please don't tell my father...

All four Astronauts collectively groan

Pipes!: Con-su-mate! Con-su-mate!

Evek: I hate you, Japan!

Ferr: She's going to be all flopping around...

 Ferr: Huh. Well, maybe everyone was tricked, okay? ..I'm not gay.

  • After finally beating the Forest Temple,

 "HI THERE! I'M THE DEKU SPROUT! I BREATHE YOUR OUT-BREATHE! I'M MADE OUT OF BARK! I LIVE WHERE MY ROOTS ARE!"

  • Pipes! referring to "The invisible walls you can't touch". Very Zen, very unintentionally funny.

 Maxwell: Also, there's gonna be plenty of invisible walls that you can run through.

Pipes: Oh good.

Ferr: But then... wouldn't that make them not walls?

Maxwell: Wait...

Pipes: Invisible walls surrounding me at all times!

Ferr: Except I can walk through them.

Pipes: That would be a delightful kind of crazy.

    • Everything involving the aforementioned walls. It's not until well into the Spirit Temple that Maxwell catches a break.

 Ferr: I don't know where I'm going, but I'm making great time!

[Lunk gets thrown backwards a la Skulltula]

Pipes: What just happened?

Maxwell: Invisible spider. Right there.

Pipes: Oh my god, all that crazy was true!

Ferr: Quick, hide behind the invisible wall that you can walk through!

    • On wall location:

 Maxwell: I get the feeling that there's a wall you can walk through...

Evek: But it's visible.

Ferr: And it's solid.

Pipes: How do you get that feeling? Do you get hungry or sad? Tired?

Ferr: Gassy?

    • Right after the Dead Hand fight, this comes back in an interesting way.

 Maxwell: They hid the key over here. I'm impressed by what a jerky move that was.

Pipes: See, this dungeon's all about false preconceptions.

Evek: And invisible floors.

Maxwell: And cows in the walls.

Ferr: And invisible walls. And invisible cows.

Maxwell: I'd like to see an invisible cow. Sounds cool.

[The others crack up]

    • Occasionally they get distracted by the dungeon map...

 Pipes: You know what this dungeon map looks like? A big old freak hand that's reaching out and touching you even though you're not getting touched.

Ferr: It looks more like a guy with no body falling backwards.

Maxwell: You mean a guy with no head.

Ferr: Well I guess it could go either way.

Pipes: No, he has a body, but the body's invisible. You can't see it.

Ferr: No, it's just his head... but his arms and legs are growing out of his head.

    • And last, but not least, the collective reaction when Maxwell explains one of the many thrilling puzzles in the Spirit Temple.

 Ferr: As opposed to the intuitive puzzles in this game, which include burning zombies and mummies, which don't actually solve the puzzle because you already solved the puzzle.

Maxwell: ...yeah.

Evek: And invisible walls that you can walk through.

Pipes: Which don't actually exist.

 We've reached peak pun.

Well, I'm gonna continue anyway because I'm a punk. *punch* Oww!

I'm sorry I'm not a fan of - slapstick. *punch* Owwww! *others start laughing*

I find your enforcement rather - heavy-handed. *punch/laughing* Owwww, damnit!

I'm sorry I don't appreciate your - punch-line! *multi-punch* God damn it!

You really bruised my ego! *laughing and punching* Oh, now it really hurts! *hysterical laughter* Yeaaaaah!

    • Which episode of the LP is this? I can't seem to find it.
  • While wandering around the Forest Temple with no clue where they're meant to be going:

 This is like an insight into your future with Alzheimer's.

    • Doesn't help they sequence broke it.
  • In the Forest Temple, after making NO progress for all too long a time, Maxwell finds a key. Cue Ferr (13:19).

 Ferr: * With the Item Get Jingle* HOLY FUCK A KEY!

    • Earlier, when little Lunk is running through Kakariko and picks up a Cucco, there's a sudden shout of (and to the tune of the Item Get jingle) "YOU GOT A COOOOOOOOOCK!" causing everyone else to laugh riotously.

 Evek: Oh, we're not subtle at all.

Ferr: Not subtle at all, is it, Steve?

  • The many deaths of Link Lunk in the Spirit Temple as Maxwell keeps falling into the pit. Over and over.
  • Late into the first quarter or so of the LP, while they were staying up all night trying to race to see if they could beat the game before the end of the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Hilarity ensues with sleep deprived babbling and signs of insanity as our four heroes try desperately to stay awake.
  • ANOTHER Forest Temple one, when fighting the 2nd Poe sister, they play a certain song (1:08). Link ain't 'fraid of no ghosts!
  • One in the Spirit Temple; wherein he keeps sending Link Lunk right into the middle hole over four times in a row (due to controller problems). Then, later he gets the block in place and jumps down the hole again, just after save-stating in the file, causing this interchange:

 Maxwell: State save... that button works...(Lunk takes a plunge down a pit)

Ferr: And Thank God for that!

 Ferr: (anguished mumbling)

Maxwell: Why are you--

(pipes! laughs hysterically)

Maxwell: ...did you just shove the Red Bull can into your eye?

pipes!: Did you get splashback into your eye?

Ferr: (anguished) YES! OW! (whimpers) OW~! How does that even happen?!

pipes!: (through laughter) How many fingers am I holding up? How many?

Ferr: I don't know; my eye is darting all over the place. It's bursting with energy. It's trying to fly away!

  • Maxwell has one heart arriving at Hyrule Castle for the first time. After cutting down shrubbery to find life ASAP and getting only Deku Nuts:

 Maxwell: Oh, come on, shrubbery!

pipes!: Get the nuts.

Ferr: Gave you nuts.

Evek: Get the nuts!

Maxwell: I already have 40 nuts!

*group bursts into laughter*

Evek: That's a lotta nuts!

  • Whenever Ferr and Pipes! imitate an awkward encounter between Link and Zelda/Any other character.
  • The scene where they play Saria's song for Darunia:

 pipes!: Everybody dance now!

 Maxwell: [Sighs] Give me snacks.

Ferr: Cookies or candy?

Maxwell: All.

Ferr: Chicken or fish?

Pipes: Cigars or cigarettes?

Evek: Soup or salad?

Pipes: Paper or plastic?

Ferr: House or Caesar?

Pipes: It's never lupus!

Ferr: Et tu, House?

Pipes: It's never Brutus!

 Maxwell: --because we think it's actually awesome... Why is there a cow in the wall?

Pipes: Teleportation accident.

Evek: Ummmm... okay.

Pipes: 'Kill meeeee!'

Ferr: Cow 37, partial success.

Maxwell: There's another one!

...

Maxwell: [To Navi] Tell me something that makes me understand this.

Navi: What's that?

Maxwell: No. That doesn't help.

Pipes: Navi's like 'I don't know!' Navi doesn't know what the fuck.

 Maxwell: Hey, look! It's a cow in the wall!

Pipes: Tell me how that makes any amount of logical sense.

Maxwell: Well, maybe if he's been eating cows...

Ferr: Then they implant themselves into your intestinal wall?

Maxwell: Maybe it's like a symbiotic relationship. They help him digest with their many stomachs.

Pipes: ADD YOUR STOMACHS TO MY OWN. We will be complete!

 [A cow moos]

Maxwell: No! No, don't moo!

Pipes: They're signaling to the other cows.

    • SURPRISE!
    • Pipes having a minor meltdown over the cows.

 Pipes: If you're a game designer, does jumping into a whale to break a rock to reveal a cow embedded in a wall of meat... [Maxwell starts laughing] is that a logical... a logical thing?

    • Maxwell gradually getting disturbingly comfortable with the cow heads.

 Maxwell: [Sighs] Whose idea was it to put cows in the walls?

Maxwell: [Shoots a switch]What's up with you, cow head? [Treasure chest falls] Okay. What else? [Shoots again, nothing happens] Fine. I'll just get out of this horrible room now.

    • And even later in Hyrule Field...

 [Something moos]

Maxwell: Oh, there's a cow buried underneath one of these rocks.

Pipes: You know, after finishing that dungeon, I can accept that as a distinct possibility.

Ferr: It's a ground cow!

Maxwell: Well you've seen wall cows. Why not ground cows?

Ferr: It's the rare, burrowing south-western cow.

Maxwell: It's not that different from ground beef.

[Groans all around]

Ferr: Well played.

Maxwell: I know it's well played, but I already regret saying it.

  • Even ignoring the cows, there are plenty of memorable moments from Jabu Jabu's stomach.

 Maxwell: Is that something I can climb on?

Ferr: Mom! Mom! Can I climb it?

Pipes: You don't know where it's been.

...

Maxwell: This is actually the kind of dungeon dynamic that I don't care for.

Pipes: Digesting?

    • The entire discussion about the former hockey theme:

 Ferr: Do you know what happened to the old one? The old hockey theme?

Maxwell: Um... it was attacked by beavers?

Ferr: Yeah, well they decided to change it but then Stephen Colbert bought the rights to it. [Everyone starts laughing]

Pipes: What?

[With every sentence, the laughter gets louder]

Ferr: He was playing it on his show while waving an American flag and a gun around. And eating a hotdog. Just to piss off Canadians.

Pipes: That's amazing.

Ferr: It's like 'That's right, Canada! I bought your beloved hockey theme!'

Pipes: That man can do no wrong.

    • Maxwell's plans for the future.

 Maxwell: I'm really waiting for the day when you, like, introduce the lady that you proposed to so that I can suggest that she's marrying beneath herself.

Ferr: Saving up for that date.

Pipes: That's nice to know. The backbone of our friendship. 'This is my friend Maxwell. He has something very important to tell you.'

Ferr: And then he'd freeze up because he's been waiting for so long. 'Oh god, oh god... I'm sure you'll be very happy together! DAMN IT!'

    • The commentary relating to the boomerang's effectiveness.

 Ferr: The boomerang can cut through meat but it can't go through spider web?

Maxwell: Precisely.

Pipes: Hey, spider silk is like steel. You know what isn't like steel? Meat.

  • There are a lot of inane comments in the Deku Tree, too, even before the madness kicks in.

 Pipes: Here's your reward, boy! Your eternal reward!

Ferr: Was that an Aladdin joke? You just watch that?

Pipes: No.

Maxwell: He's just committed it to memory.

Pipes: The parallels are pretty good. He's a little orphan boy in a city where he's the odd duck out and he's entering a cave to find treasure. Then he's going to rescue a fucking princess.

Ferr: But it... does not have the voice talents of Robin Williams.

Maxwell: Actually, he did Navi. Little known fact.

    • Ferr grumbling about the slingshot (which, coincidentally, is right after the above)

 Evek: Fairy Slingshot... can't even make it manly.

Maxwell: What would it shoot? Steak?

Ferr: Yes.

 Pipes: I love that when you shoot them when they're still in their eggs, they make the 'cancel' noise.

    • Maxwell improvising when it comes to the last three Deku (and repeatedly failing).

 Pipes: I like that they've activated their alarm system.

Ferr: Please step away from the Deku!

    • It's included in the highlights video, but this exchange is great, too:

 Ferr: Their creation myth looks like my breakfast. Cereal going into milk.

Pipes: The hills and valleys of Whole Nut Crunch. So it is written...

Evek: So how it shall taste.

Pipes: See? She poured her wisdom into the milk.

Ferr: In the beginning, the earth was without form and void and the face of God moved on the milk and said "Let there be cereal!" And there was cereal and, yay, it was crunchy... and God saw that it was good.

    • And, finally, Maxwell noting that the challenges he's set for Evek and Pipes [2] haven't been going well.

 Maxwell: I noticed that you two are not really holding up your challenges, though.

Ferr: I'm doing good!

Evek: That's 'cause there hasn't been a horse yet!

      • Hell, when the challenges are first given is funny too.

 Maxwell: Ferr, your challenge is to not make the farting sound when I use the carrots on the horse.

Ferr: Oh, you bastard.

  • The conversation sparked from Maxwell's explanation of the Minish/why there's stuff in Hyrule's shrubbery.

 Pipes: ...I'm gonna pretend I never heard that.

Ferr: It's like mitochlorians.

Pipes: So in Castlevania how does meat get in, like, candelabras?

Maxwell: ...uh... playful meat ghosts.

Pipes: [in a 'ghostly' voice] Pooooooooork loooooooin!

  • The exploration of Kakariko Village nets us a few gems, as well:

 Ferr: Did I just miss a ton of old people jokes, 'cause, I think that guy was complaining about young people?

Maxwell: Yes.

Ferr: You kids these days don't know how it was when we didn't have... any... of you. And the bread was stale!

    • The Windmill Hut:

 Ferr: What's going on inside [Guru Guru's] box? He looks pretty happy about it...

...

Maxwell: [Running in circles in the windmill hut] This is the Hyrulean space program testing.

Evek: So what's the Hyrulean rocket? A crate with a bunch of dynamite under it?

Ferr: No, you just wait for the moon to come to you.

    • And this exchange, as Maxwell tries to round up the cucoos.

 Maxwell: The woman's like 'What the fuck?'

Ferr: Well, she can see your cock. You're just running around with it flapping all over the place.

  • Dealings with Kaepora Gaebora:

 Maxwell: Who wants to get me a can of Coke? I have to stay here and press the 'A' button repeatedly. It's the only way to make the owl shut up.

Pipes: I will. [Leaves]

Evek: I want to see what happens when you press the 'yes' button.

Ferr: Don't!

Maxwell: It tells you everything again.

Ferr: It does exactly what you'd expect.

Maxwell: [to Pipes] Also, carry it to me with the hand that didn't go down your pants.

 Ferr: Link town?

Evek: Lunk town.

Pipes: Welcome to Ganon-ville, a wonderful place to start a family.

Ferr: Voted best medium-sized town in Hyrule three years in a row.

  • Evek the philosopher strikes again.

 Maxwell: [On the way to Medigoron's shop] Oh, come on! Who put all these walls here?

Evek: Gorons.

    • Further into the Dodongo's Cavern, Maxwell gets creative in his problem solving.

 Maxwell: [On top of a rising block] I'm on this. Now what happens?

Pipes: You're king of all--

Ferr: I'm gonna go stand on random objects and announce that to anyone who's around me.

Evek: That you're the king of everything, or..?

Ferr: No. I'll walk into that gazebo in the park over there and just be like 'I'm on this! What happens now?'

      • Likewise...

 Ferr: [In response to Maxwell swinging the sword at a locked door] Maybe if you punch in the security code.

Pipes: Clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk!

    • Maxwell tuning into the movie in the background.

 Maxwell: So they start the movie with Gollum now?

Ferr: The movie started, like, 20 minutes ago.

Pipes: Where have you been?

Maxwell: Hell.

    • The Astronauts snarking at Navi's expense after a Dinolfos attacks.

 Maxwell: Eh...

Navi: Watch out!

[[[Beat]]]

Pipes: Thanks, Navi. That's really handy.

Ferr: There's a seven foot lizard in front of you. Watch out.

 Ferr: I've thought good and hard about how to build powered rollerskates, and someday I will do it.

[[[Beat]]]

Maxwell: Power gorilla skates?

Ferr: What?

Maxwell: That's what I heard.

 Maxwell: [Enters the bazaar] [[[Beat]]] This isn't the mask shop!

Evek: You're the one who went in there!

Pipes: You just did the equivalent of walking into Sears and saying 'This isn't the Cheesecake Factory!'

  • Everybody poking fun at the Zelda series' tendency to hide stuff underneath graves.

 Maxwell: It's like, 'Yeah, you can have my estate, but first you must move my grave and press the switch underneath.'

...

Maxwell: As long as I'm here I might as well start desecrating!

Pipes: Those graves aren't going to desecrate themselves.

Maxwell: Uh... somehow there's a treasure chest [under the grave]

Pipes: There's a little spring underneath the treasure chest. As soon as you press it it's like 'Boi-oi-oing!'

 Pipes: We've got a full bag of bombs, half a pack of deku sticks, it's dark out and we're wearing sunglasses.

  • Maxwell attempting to get the piece of heart from the vase in Goron City. For awhile, the conversation just devolves into random utterances, before picking back up.

 Maxwell: Okay, new strategy: aiming!

Ferr: You're mad!

Pipes: Aiming is for suckers!

[Maxwell throws the bomb]

Maxwell: Did that go in?

Ferr: Yup. Apparently aiming works.

Pipes: Suckers and chumps.

    • One of the 'random utterances' was also worth a chuckle:
  • This exchange from early in Jabu Jabu's stomach:

 Maxwell: Uvulas do not hover under their own power.

Pipes: Mine does.

  • The ending of episode 17:

 Ferr: Save the video! Save the video! Oh my god! Saveitsaveitsaveitsave--

  • Someone mentioned the "window into your future with Alheimers" bit earlier on, but the tangent that Ferr and Pipes go off onto is hilarious, too:

 Pipes: It's like a window into your future with Alheimers. 'I don't know which part of the dungeon I'm in! Are you Link?'

Ferr: This is what you're gonna be seeing, but you'll actually be punching orderlies in nursing homes.

Pipes: [As an old man] 'Are you the princess?'

Ferr: [As an old man] 'Stay back skulltula! Feel the wrath of my hookshot!'

Pipes: [As a nurse] 'Put down the pudding spoon!'

  • Maxwell accidentally using Din's Fire when he meant to use the Lon Lon Milk:

 Maxwell: Oh yeah. Milk is five hearts, so I might as well drink milk. [Accidentally uses Din's Fire] Well that's not the button!

Pipes: DRINKIIIIIIIIIING! MILK!

  • Maxwell griping about the repetitive Poe battles in the Forest Temple.

 Maxwell: That last puzzle was so great, it's time to do the exact thing again. [Pulls out the bow and Joelle warps to another painting]

Pipes: What did we learn?!

Maxwell: ...Nothing.

    • Right after that, Maxwell shoots her painting.

 Maxwell: Is there a fire anywhere in this room?

Pipes: (Beat) In my heart.

  • Pipes and Ferr acting like the basement of the Forest Temple is a carnival game.

 Pipes: Round and round and round the dungeon goes! Where it stops, nobody knows! One dime is all it takes to riiiide the dungeon! You there, sir!

Ferr: Me?

Pipes: Yes, you, sir! You look like a strapping young lad--

Ferr: Why yes, I do have straps!

  • Similar to the above, Pipes and Ferr having a conversation about proper dungeon-keeping and getting distracted.

 Pipes: Just once I'd like to go into a dungeon where they keep the boss key under the mat.

Ferr: Or above the door frame. Or under a fake rock.

Pipes: It wasn't a fake rock!

Ferr: It was a fake rock lobster!

  • Maxwell getting himself stuck in the Fire Temple's maze.

 Maxwell: This is like every maze, though. You can solve it by constantly turning right. [Turns right, runs straight into a fire wall.]

[After this goes on for several minutes]

Pipes: This is the dungeon equivalent of turning around and walking into a rake.

  • After giving up on Master Quest for the night/morning, Maxwell starts to catch us up to speed:

 Maxwell: I seem to have opened up this shortcut here. I seem to be taking it.

Evek: So when did you get the upgrade to the purse?

Maxwell: I did that... when you were watching it happen.

 Evek: Just grab it! Run through! [Lunk does so, displaying the hard-won key] Get out of there! No! Don't celebrate! Now what are you doing? [In-scene, the platform falls down on him] Oh, Link... Why would you do a thing like that?

  • When they abandon the Fire Temple (the first time) and head on to the Water Temple instead. Maxwell tries to use an item underwater, prompting the 'can't do that' noise.

 Evek: Did Link just cut one, or what?

Ferr: Judging from the number of bubbles, I'd say yes.

[Maxwell presses the button several more times in quick succession]

  • Every time they start making up song names. Examples include:

 Pipes: Song of Time?

Maxwell: I tried that already.

Pipes: Song of Brine?

Ferr: Song of Slime?

Pipes: Song of Fine?

Ferr: Song of Rhyme!

 Evek: Play the Song of... What-the-Hell.

 Maxwell: [Stands on the (full) well, playing the Sun's Song] Why do I think this works?

Ferr: Is that the Song of Sinking?

Maxwell: Wait... this is the time song. I don't want that.

Ferr: Maybe you should play some heavy metal.

 Pipes: Play the Song of Something Else.

 Ferr: Song of Shit! Song of Failure! Song of State-load!

 Maxwell: That little handle thing is sort of sticking out there.

Ferr: I totally get that.

Evek: Hookshot, maybe?

Ferr: Oven mitt.

Maxwell: Equip oven mitt.

Ferr: Song of Oven Mitt! Song of Asbestos!

Evek: Asbestos gives you lung cancer.

Ferr: I thought it was 'Asbestos gives you wings'

Evek: [Beat] If you die from it.

  • Back in the Fire Temple-- after a brief stint in the Water Temple-- the astronauts find themselves at a (seemingly) dead end. At this point, Maxwell has resorted to trying to open the way with everything from the hammer to Epona's Song.

 Pipes: Let me guess-- you have to go to another dungeon, press a switch, and then come back to this dungeon.

Evek: You have to go to another game.

  • Just a few minutes into episode 39, you can tell there's some sanity slippage going on. Between Ferr's punning, Maxwell's increasingly desperate (and bizarre) plans, and Pipes' ramblings, it's absolutely hilarious
  • The mysterious fate of Maxwell's Old Chair.

 Pipes: What happened to your old chair?

Maxwell: I dunno.

[Everyone cracks up]

Pipes: You left the door open and it made its escape!

Ferr: Come back, chair! Come back!

Pipes: [As the chair] No more! I'm finally free!

Ferr: [As the chair] I've seen things man!

  • The epic failure of the cucco sacrifice, prior to the Bottom of the Well.

 Evek: Throw a chicken down the well.

Pipes: Exactly. We must make a sacrifice.

[Lunk throws the Cucco over the well]

Ferr: You missed!

Pipes: THE GODS ARE ANGRY!

[Lunk falls in the well]

Ferr: Chickens sacrifice you!

Pipes: That chicken has been rejected by the powers that be.

[Lunk throws the cucco again. It lands on the beam above the well]

  • As soon as they get to the Bottom of the Well, Ferr immediately starts questioning it.

 Ferr: Shouldn't everything in here be dead because it was underwater thirty seconds ago?

Maxwell: It's zombies.

Pipes: Undead.

Ferr: ... and shouldn't all the water have tasted like zombie... pieces?

    • Right after that, Maxwell attempts to stun a Redead with limited success.

 Maxwell: [Throws the boomerang at a Redead repeatedly] This is probably not improving my relationship with the zombie.

Pipes: He only lives to hump you. [Beat] Or... he only un-lives to hump you.

[Lunk gets screamed at by the redead]

Maxwell: No! Boomerang! No! No!

Pipes: THE TIME OF MOLESTATION IS UPON YOU!

    • Ferr and Evek trying to help Maxwell solve a puzzle.

 Maxwell: Yeah, I gotta drain the water and crawl through that hole down there. It'll be fun.

Ferr: Drink it all.

Evek: Drink it!

Maxwell: It tastes like zombies. I don't wanna.

Ferr: You said it didn't taste like zombies!

    • Ferr's advice on dungeon decor.

 Ferr: You know what this dungeon needs?

Pipes: A makeover.

Ferr: I was gonna say 'cows in the walls' but... that could be part of it too.

 Maxwell: Why is it playing scary music? Why...? [Pans camera up to a Like Like] Oh! Why!? Whyyyyy?

Evek: Uh... what?

Ferr: There's a throbbing mass above your head.

Maxwell: [Beat] I see that.

    • Problem solving in the Spirit Temple:

 Pipes: Can you put the little block on the big block, then play the Song of Time to bring the big block up here?

Maxwell: That sounds ridiculous, so it's probably right.

    • Pipes getting exasperated by the magical land of Hylia.

 Maxwell: Eh... there's gotta be magic somewhere.

Pipes: [Scoffs] It's inside you.

 Pipes: Oh! Nuts lost!

Ferr: Your nuts fell again!

Pipes: Nuts down! Nuts down!

  • Maxwell calling Kaepora Gaebora out.

 Maxwell: How can it be a legend if it's happening right now and also in the future? That's the opposite of a legend.

Pipes: It is happening now and in the future! Thousands of years ago!

  • The entire bonus episode from the Spirit Temple-- the Pet Jenga sections especially.

 Pipes: Current theory is that dinosaurs cannot fit coconuts in their mouths.

[Silence, Ferr and Evek crack up]

Maxwell: The current theory is that in the future we'll live on the moon and play pet Jenga. With pets. 'Cause there'll be microgravity and we can do that.

Pipes: Pet Jenga? What? What the fuck?

Ferr: I can do that now.

Pipes: That's not Jenga. That's...

Ferr: Pet Jenga!

Pipes: [Through laughter] By the makers of Jenga!

Ferr: Coming soon, Pet Connect-4!

...

Pipes: Don't not play Pet Jenga! How do you win pet Jenga?

Ferr: By knocking over the pet tower.

Pipes: How do you get so many pets?

Ferr: You live on the moon!

Pipes: Will there be more pets per person on the moon? PPP? Pets per person?

Maxwell: Yes.

    • Further into the Spirit Temple, Maxwell demonstrates just how tired of Master Quest he's gotten.

 Evek: Let's bomb some dodongos! I can't wait to bomb some dodongos!

Maxwell: At this point, I might even prefer one of those games over this.

Evek: Do I need to slap you? I think you've actually reached a delusional state.

Maxwell: I'm exaggerating a little bit. But if this game demands more repetition...

Evek: Great! I'll get my stuff!

Maxwell: Exactly.

    • In the same vein...

 Maxwell: I've been wondering lately, what happens if you put a cartridge game in a microwave? I just wish I had a cartridge copy of this game so I could put it in a microwave... just sayin'.

 Maxwell: Where's my heart container? There. No, you've gotta go back in time, then go forward in time, then go back in time again... to hit the same switch three times. To unlock a room that has a heart container.

Ferr: Aieva! [Starts humming]

Maxwell: But it's invisible. And you have to bomb a tile on the floor at random. Which causes the invisible heart piece to appear, but you can't see it 'cause it's invisible.

Ferr: [Finishes humming] Aieva!

  • There are quite a few moments from the quest for the Biggoron's Sword, too.

 Maxwell: I'm just gonna take a second to appreciate this pose that Link is doing right here. Hand on his heart, cock in his hand.

    • Maxwell and Ferr reliving the best and worst day ever.

 Maxwell: When we did the marathon recording session at one point that happened and, uh, Pipes said 'Oh, he clipped it!' and I said 'He didn't clip it, he clopped it!' and that seemed hilarious to me. And in my mind I was saying 'Clippity clopped it, clippity clopped it!' over and over again. I was trying so hard not to laugh. I was so far gone.

Ferr: That was simultaneously the best and worst day ever.

    • Their reaction to their advisor getting cut off.

 Ferr: 'To get the last bottle you need to catch the ten S'

Maxwell: ...what?

Ferr: I think I got cut off.

Pipes: Snakes. Spiders...

Ferr: Supermen.

Pipes: [Starts laughing] Just, like, get a butterfly net, jam it over Clark Kent's head. 'Ha!'

 Ferr: I am Captain Planet!

Pipes: [[[Beat]]] No you're not.

  • Maxwell having a tough time in the Forest Temple section of Ganondorf's Castle.

 Maxwell: This time I'm state saving and I'm gonna find out what happens when you go down-- [Lunk falls into an abyss]

Pipes: That's what happens.

Maxwell: The wind was blowing Link around, so I couldn't get down there.

Ferr: The wind is off now.

[Maxwell steers Lunk into the abyss again]

Pipes: And so is your aim!

 Ferr: Yeah. Welcome to this game.

    • About thirty seconds later, there's Maxwell's 'playing in the sprinkler' moment

 Maxwell: Okay. I killed everything and nothing happened... but at least I had the most ridiculous Zelda fight I've ever had.

  • "Oh, I get it! It doesn't make sense, but I get it..."
    • There's also Maxwell getting into the enemy's head:

 Maxwell: See, this is how I solve the puzzles in this game. I imagine the cruelest setup for a puzzle that they could make and then see if that's the case. In this case I imagine that there's an invisible object inside this that would appear if you used the Lens of Truth, but I guess not.

[Silence]

Pipes: You realize you're starting to think like them?

Ferr: That's never a good thing.

Pipes: After we finish this game, Maxwell's going to have to go through some intense counter-programming.

[Later]

Maxwell: You notice they put the, uh, fire ice here just to piss me off?

Ferr: So you need to go all the way back and get water again?

Maxwell: No, I brought some with me 'cause I knew they were gonna do that.

Evek: You are thinking like them.

Maxwell: Oh, but I-- Oh, I underestimated them!

...

Pipes: This is like a crime drama. 'But I know that he knows that I know that I know...'

 [Maxwell steers Lunk onto an unlocked platform to hit an eyeswitch]

Evek: Now watch that block--

Pipes: It's gonna disappear.

Evek: Yeah.

  • Maxwell's explanation of steering Lunk into a fire pit.

 Maxwell: Is this punishment or reward for state saving? I can't decide...

  • Evek finally getting an answer to the question he asked the most.

 Evek: So this is what Ganon's up to...

  • Pipes trying to figure out how Ganondorf floats in midair and attacks.

 Pipes: So, when he's floating around in the air like that... is he building up static?

Evek: It's the magical equivalent of rubbing your socks on the carpet.

  • Maxwell wants to see what happens when time runs out during the escape from Ganon's Castle, seeing as he has save states and a fast-forward button, and with 10 seconds left on the clock...

 Ferr: Go back in and save the children.

Evek: What children?

pipes!: Oh no, Bootsy and Mootsy!

Lunk immediately runs into a respawned Redead in the previous room which stuns him and slowly approaches him as the timer hits 0. The entire group laughs.

pipes!: THE LAST THING YOU SEE!

  • Maxwell pouncing on the opportunity to tell us a groan-worthy pun:

 Maxwell: Ganon just has the willpower to keep on going. He really puts the 'try' in Triforce.

[Everyone groans]

Ferr: That was fuckin' painful.

Maxwell: I've been saving that all week.

  • Everybody joking around during the final battle:

 Pipes: Nothing says 'final showdown' like 'ocarina'

Ferr: I challenge you to a flute-off!

Evek: Finish him!

    • And the Sages' attack:

 Ferr: By your powers combined...

Pipes: I am good for 2000 flushes!

New Super Mario Bros Wii

 It's FARTS OR NOTHING, damnit!

  • After Maxwell throws Pipes into a Paratroopa and finishes the level while he's dead:

 Pipes: OH MY GOD!

Other Astronauts: [hysterical laughter]

Pipes: WHO'S A DICK? YOUSE A DICK!

  • There's also Ferr singing pirate songs after taking control of a moving platform. Made all the more hilarious because as he's singing, everyone else is being killed over and over by an onslaught of goddamned birds and Parabombs.
    • In the same video as Ferr singing, Pipes gains control of the platform with 3 people on it. He moves it forward too quickly, and a giant pillar of fire shoots up in front of them. He tries to stop, but cannot, so he instead accelerates while screaming "TO HELL!", killing all 3 of them. The next 20 seconds of the video are them laughing.[3]
  • pipes! frequenting shouting something like "Luigi is the best!" and INSTANTLY getting killed for a Karmic Death.

 pipes!: Luigi the conqueror!

*SPLAT*

pipes!: Luigi the conquered!

  • The group loads up World 9-7 and they all make the exact same jump...right into a Piranha Plant. All four of them die from it.
    • Bonus: they sing part of the Reading Rainbow theme song, and, reflecting that, one of the tags is "take a look it's in a book".
  • The constant panicking of the giant fish in World 9-2.
  • In the World One castle, Maxwell tosses pipes! into the lava, and then goes after Evek and Ferr. The subsequent chaos is hysterical.
  • The bonus video featuring the astronauts "Riding the Snake", complete with quotes from SNL and pretending the snake is a roller coaster by cheering unenthusiastically.
  • "What the hell is your dick problem?"
  • "Who's Luigi now, Luigi?!"
  • At the end:

 pipes!: (as the first hot-air balloon takes off without Luigi) Luigi walk home.

Luigi: Ack! (falls)

Ferr: (as everyone laughs) Luigi get-a the blue-balls again!

(The other two Toads enter with their own hot-air balloon)

Yvan: Hi~!

(Everyone laughs)

pipes!: Unless...

(More laughter)

Ferr: ...or DOES he?

  • Pretty much any moment where the Astronauts get to ride Yoshis is going to be funny, with cries such as "Ow! You ate me!" and "Stop eating me damnit!" as they use the Yoshis to further dick each other over and struggle to stay on them for more than a few seconds.
  • In a stage where Lakitus appear from white smiling blocks if you hit them, Ferr tried to jump on one as someone hit it, resulting in him jumping into a Lakitu and dying.

 "I went to jump on a cloud and it turned into a nerdy turtle before my eyes."

  • While at the flagpole at the end of the level, everyone but Evek makes it. Evek is in a Propeller Suit drifting slowly towards the very top of the pole...and then the game registers it as "COURSE CLEAR!", cheating Evek out of a 1up and leaving him ripe for the pickings by the other three:

 (Everyone but Evek laughs, then the end-of-stage sequence triggers, making them laugh harder.)

Evek: You dicks!

Maxwell: It's your own fault for being slow!

pipes!: That's what thinking gets you.

Ferr: (in a dandified tone) Oh~ I'll just flitter down, no hurry~

pipes! (also in a dandified tone) Not a care in the world~

Ferr: (dandified) Do be a dear and wait for me~

(Everyone laughing)

pipes!: (dandified) I shall see you at the top of the flagpole~

  • "That bird's a bird?!"
  • "You got Pompeii'd, son!"
  • "MOVE YOUR LAVA-DICK!"
    • "Oh, it's an iguana! It has two!"
  • Upon losing all their lives -- which happens a lot -- there isn't much left for the temporarily defeated but Angrish and honking the loser horn. Many Precision Horn Honks follow. Made funnier by how the Astronauts keep cracking up at them.
  • The Astronauts downloaded fan-made levels for New Super Mario Bros. Naturally, these levels make the Nintendo Hard game even harder. The Astronauts die frequently, and only manage to complete one level. One of their failed levels, however, has them trapped beneath a seemingly impassable wall. Just as they figure out how to get past, a GIANT BULLET BILL that almost takes up the ENTIRE SCREEN chases them down, during which time they all scream like children. The most epic TPK ever witnessed.' Ferr laments he's gonna have nightmares.
    • Also, at the start of the fan-made level right after, everyone but Ferr being killed by a single Goomba.

 Maxwell, pipes! and Evek: (talking over one another) Oh--oh what? No!

Ferr: Yeah, watch out for that guy. (Everyone else laughs) Oh, I'll get him guys, don't worry! (stomps on the goomba as the other three respawn) Guess you all were too not-good for that! Kind of the Mario expert over here. (more laughter) Yeah, Pro Tip on those guys--you wanna jump on 'em.


Tetris Smackdown

  • Their Tetris video (Youtube link), in which pipes! first defeats Evek (to much enthusiastic trash talking), then gets taken to the woodshed by Maxwell (... still to much enthusiastic trash talking). Later on, he gets into a back-and-forth of Tetrises with Ferr (with, of course, much enthusiastic trash talking). "U Tetrisin' awful!"

 pipes!: More! You cannot stop the oncoming storm! So many lines! It's like Studio 54, there's so many lines going on!

Ferr: It's like a referee convention, there's so many lines.

pipes!: You see that?! BAM! Right there! Pieces locked in perfectly! I am perfect and flawless like an AI! Look at that! Logically placed! Thinking of the future! A solid strategy! I'M TALKING SHIT WITH TETRIS! YOU GOT NOTHING! MAN, I WILL PLAY THIS IN THE PARK AND I WILL TAKE YOUR MONEY!

Ferr: More lines than a zebra slaughterhouse, son!

pipes!: That'll do, pig. That'll do. What's this--UNH! Drop a line! I don't even need to see where it goes! I just know! I just know where it'll fall! BAM! DOWN! TRASH-TALKING CHESS! YOU GOT NOTHING! WHAT?! WHAT!? THIS IS MY HOUSE! MY IMMACULATELY-CONSTRUCTED HOUSE! BLOCKS ARE GOING EVERYWHERE! LOOK AT THAT--DROP RIGHT DOWN! I DON'T KEEP UNEVEN LINES! NO HOLES! NO HOLES...UNLIKE YOUR MOM! BURN! LOOK AT THAT! DROP! OH! OH! OH! OH!

Ferr: More lines than a Soviet bakery, son!

pipes!: BAM! YOU GONNA LET 'IM TALK TO YOU LIKE THAT! YEAH, YOU ARE, BECAUSE YOU'RE MY BITCH! MY TETRIS BITCH! BAM! ANOTHER LINE! THEY JUST KEEP COMING!! THE HITS KEEP--(puts an L-block in the wrong spot) OH FUCK!

(Everyone else laughs as pipes! eventually wins.)

pipes!: Trash-talking Icarus...

 pipes!: (struggling with an S-block) Unnnnnnnh! Fuck! Unnnnnh! (a J-block appears) Unnnnnh! Fuck, again! The dreaded double-fuck!

Ferr: That boy's got more lines than a Kevin Smith movie, son!

pipes!: ...now you're just reaching.

Ferr: Hey, that was good!

(Maxwell clears a Tetris, and the ensuing garbage makes pipes! misplace a critical block)

pipes!: (as everyone else laughs) WHAT? WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAT?! [Lose] ...You played me like a piano.

Ferr: I don't wanna play; I just wanna come up with one-liners.

    • pipes!'s demise in the round after that is a little more methodical and grinding:

 pipes!: (as Maxwell moves up to Level 1) Oh, you're changing colors? You're changing colors?! (clears a triple[4] with a J-block) Bam! (as he clears a Tetris[5]) BAM!

Maxwell: Bwah!

pipes!: I just curb-stomped your ass!

Maxwell: (about to clear his own Tetris) Have it back.

(Maxwell sets up a second I-block for back-to-back Tetrises)

Evek: (as the garbage lines start piling up and everyone else laughs) Holy shit, no!

pipes!: NOOOOO! THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANTED!

      • Maxwell: "This is the part where I reveal where I actually know how to play Tetris."
    • They generally found the sound effects of clearing lines and garbage lines appearing inherently funny throughout.
    • After pipes! hands his controller to Evek after being thoroughly whooped by Maxwell, he and Ferr constantly pester Maxwell in some attempt at revenge, which actually works as evidenced by sudden constant misplacing of blocks and Maxwell suddenly realizing, a few minutes later...

 Maxwell: ...what did you do to my Tetris?!

 pipes!: (puts a J-block in a very precarious position) BWAH!

(laughter)

Evek: Good god, man! You've built a roof over your house now!

Ferr: Now sleep in it!

(more laughter as pipes! uses a second J-block to fully seal off the hole)

pipes!: It's concept! I've seen the models; they look wonderful!

(more laughter from all)

pipes!: Why did I do this? (puts an L-block in another just-as-wrong position) NOO!

(more laughter)

Ferr: That seemed to wake you up. I'll be over here making single lines, thank you.

pipes!: Got more singles than a stripper.

Ferr: I got more singles than eHarmony!

(laughter)

pipes!: And they're just as desperate.

    • In the next round, pipes! hopes things go better for him:

 pipes!: (drops an O-block straight down) Block-and-center! This time will be different!

(pipes! then puts a Z-block standing up, hanging over the right edge of the O-block)

Evek: It's not different at all!

  • And again:

 pipes!: Stop building a tetris, you dickwad. I know your games, you tricksy hobbit.

  • There was also the NES Mess video that preceded it, with Maxwell playing single-player Tetris and everyone yelling at him when he made bad placements. The other game in the video have a lot of funny parts in them, too.
    • pipes! ripping on Maxwell for choosing the Type-C music instead of the usual Type-A, suggesting that a) Maxwell "likes having cocks placed in [his] mouth" and b) thanks to the rules of Tetris, such a state would cause his head to clear like a Tetris and disappear.
    • The first time Maxwell screws up:

 Ferr: Oh, no!

Maxwell: (after stacking a J-block straight up) Didn't see that one coming, did you?

Ferr: Why would you do a thing like that?!

(Maxwell stacks an S-block straight up, atop the J-block)

Ferr: Why would you do THAT?!

pipes!: NOOOO! YOU'VE RUINED CHRISTMAS!

(Everyone else starts laughing; meanwhile, Maxwell piles another S-block onto the too-high stack)

Ferr: You're the worst!

pipes!: That tower is one big middle finger to good Tetris players everywhere! (Maxwell stacks another J-block upright) Now it's two!

(Maxwell clears a Tetris)

pipes!: Oh, look at me, Mr. Tetris! You still have a huge problem!

    • At one point, pipes! gets so pissed at Maxwell's Tetris playing that he says he'll have a kid just so that his kid can beat up and torment Maxwell's kid.
    • Screw-up incident #37:

 pipes!: I'm gonna find members of your family and hit them with bricks, because of what you're doing right now--

(Maxwell tries and fails to make an L-block rotate into a gap)

Maxwell: Ohh--no! I thought it would rotate!

pipes!: You thought wrong! Now you're fucked!

(Laughter from everyone else)

Evek: Good god, man!

Maxwell: Hey watch this, watch this! (his attempts at rotating a T-block to do...something...fails) Whaddya think of that?!

(Laughter)

Evek: You're killing us here!

pipes!: I think I can actually hear people watching this[6] screaming at you...like a general din. As if a million nerds cried out and were suddenly silenced.

Evek: No, they're not gonna be silenced.

Ferr: Jesus hates you. He loves everybody except you.

pipes!: He just postponed the Second Coming because of your Tetris playing.


GTA Vice City

 Maxwell: How...did that actually work?

(Guys laugh as Tommy and Lance, still in their cop outfits, come back out in an olive green golf cart)

Maxwell: Yeah, we're really inconspicuous now, huh?

Ferr: You guys look like rent-a-cops.

 Maxwell: OHH! I got killed by Al Sharpton.

Ferr: That's what you get for being a white devil.

 Ferr: Oh, don't mind me, I just parked my helicopter here; I'll move it as soon as I can.

pipes!: Did I mention I stole a tank?

Maxwell: I really wish you could pick up hookers in a helicopter...

pipes!: ...why can't you?

Maxwell: Hey babies--(tilts helicopter and accidentally shreds the hooker with propeller)

(Astronauts laugh)

Ferr: That's why.

  • At one point Maxwell talks of how the Civilians can't use Molotov Cocktails and just light themselves on fire;

 Pipes!: Maybe they were just protesting the Vietnam war.

  • pipes! and Ferr bickering like an old couple while Maxwell gets lost trying to get to the Pay 'N Spray.

 Ferr: I know where I'm going.

pipes!: Why don't ya pull over, ask somebody for directions!?

Ferr: I don't need directions, I know where we are!

pipes!: I think we're lost!

Ferr: We're not lost!

pipes!: You always say this!

Ferr: I know where we are!

pipes!: I'm just sayin, if we pull over and ask somebod-

Ferr: We don't need to pull over!

pipes!: Look, we just passed a gas station!

Ferr: I know where the gas station is!

pipes!: We need gas!

Ferr: We're almost there, five more minutes, shut up!

pipes!: I don't know why I married you.

Ferr: BECAUSE YOU'RE UGLY!

  • Which leads into...

 MaxwellAdams: On my family vacations, they didn't get right to the point like that.

pipes!: YOU'RE ADOPTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!

Ferr: You're a mistake. You're an adopted mistake, we adopted you by accident.

pipes!: We meant to order a big-screen TV.

  • When Clownbirth shows up on Skype.


Half Life 2, a.k.a. The Kickboat Saga

The Astronauts are playing a special SMOD of Half-Life 2, wherein, among other things, Gordon is given a new melee move, the "Gordon Kick"--a simple front kick that is ridiculously powerful and inflicts all sorts of physics hi-jinx.

  • Dicking around with the airboat:

 Maxwell: (runs the boat aground) Okay, I'm parked. (disembarks)

pipes!: Look at me! I'm a motorist--a boatorist!

Maxwell: (as everyone laughs) A boatorist!

Evek: You're just making up words now.

pipes!: That's the joke!

  • The "iron sights" view of a fully automatic weapon; i.e. they make fun of the gun flipping back and hitting Gordon in the face.
  • The first death:

 Resistance agent: (as Gordon speeds by and runs over an enemy) HEY DOWN THERE! SUPPLIES!

pipes!: HEY!

(The airboat then slams into a large, sloped sheet of metal at full speed, killing Gordon in one shot. Laughter ensues)

pipes!: Oops! That's your head!

(more laughter)

Maxwell: Since when--

Ferr: Good job, James Dean!

(even more laughter)

Maxwell: Since when can you die like that?!

 Evek: (while Maxwell kicks while driving the boat) Piece of crap!

pipes!: (wonder in his voice) It makes it go faster!

Evek: Physics!

pipes!: (unable to contain his laughter) This is the best thing in the world!

Evek: (as the boat collides with the wall) Jump it!

pipes!: Make your getaway!

(The repeated kicking sends the Kickboat airborne, causing everyone to laugh more. Maxwell steers the boat back around, and manages it to send it over a plot gate. Cheering ensues!)

pipes!: YES!

Evek: Sequence breaking!

pipes!: (starts singing the melody from Back to The Future)

Evek: Sequence breaking!

pipes!: YES!

Maxwell: Oh wait...that's the edge of the map over there...

Evek: Yep.

Maxwell: The edge of the known map...

Ferr: It'd been a while since folks in Hazzard County had seen a good Kickboat. Let's see how ol' Gordon'll get himself outta this one.

  • Despite being in the wrong part of the map, the enemies are reacting as they normally would...including one baddie with a rocket launcher raining rockets on Gordon.

 Maxwell: (nearly dodging a rocket) Whoa--hey! Watch it! That was rude.

pipes!: A rocket to the face? Well I never!

 pipes!: KICKBOAT! Finish them off!

Maxwell: I gotta steer sometime!

pipes!: No you don't! Kicking is steering!

Ferr: Kick in the direction you wish to go!

Maxwell: It's a point and kick interface.

(riotous laughter for about fifteen seconds)

Ferr: It's Das Boot!

pipes!: We're gonna kick it into high gear!

Ferr: We're kickin' it old school.

(More laughter)

Maxwell: (after laughter dies down) I'd like to personally thank the coders of this mod.

 pipes!: (as Maxwell throws them) You're just throwing bananas...

Evek: Yes! We get bananas! B-A--

(The bananas then break apart and explode all around Gordon, leading to his death and making the Astronauts laugh.)

Ferr: That shit was bananas!

pipes!: How did you think that would be different?!

(laughing)

Maxwell: Oh...I wanted to see what right-click did...and then that happened.

  • (after trying out a "singularity generator"[8])

 Ferr: I demand you use that on the next enemies.

pipes!: Exclusively!

 pipes!: Oh, Jesus Christ!

(massive explosion)

Ferr: Ten servings of fruits and vegetables!

Evek: You painted the inside with his blood!

Ferr: ...or ten servings of death!

 "Six shots, one kill!"

 Ferr: Fight for control of the skies!

pipes!: You are the dominant predator! (gets shot down as everyone laughs) I'm sure they never considered the boat intercepting the chopper when they were programming this.

Evek: (as the Kickboat spirals out of control) Do a barrel roll!

pipes!: Somewhere there's a Valve programmer watching this, going, "I WAS RIGHT!"

Maxwell: I think I hit it again.

pipes!: You're winning. (a second chopper inexplicably joins the battle) There are TWO of them!

 Evek: Where are you--

Maxwell: This way!

Ferr: Out of the skybox! [Dies]

Maxwell: Aw...oh? (looks around) ...what?!

(Everyone laughs)

Ferr: What does that say?

Maxwell: "Reflectivity 50%."

(More laughter)

Ferr: You broke the matrix!

pipes!: You kicked your way out of the game! It kicked you out! Ha ha ha! You just got kicked from the server!

  • The transition of the Kickboat into a Memetic Badass, both in annotations and in video commentary.
  • A strange tangent wherein the discuss the life of a nameless Mook tasked with guarding an out-of-the-way entrance and was jokingly told to watch out for Gordon Freeman, overall implying the job is nothing but pointless busywork. The last thing that guard ever sees is Gordon Freeman and his Kickboat driving right through him as though he wasn't even there.


JFK Reloaded

  • The simple fact that the Astronauts turned a game about the assassination of JFK into a game of HORSE that goes horribly wrong when they can't do one shot through the butt of a Secret Service agent.
    • Just before that, their first shot at the game as presented by JFK himself, err-ah, Feh-ah, doing his trademahk impersonation.

 Ferr: Welcome to JFK Reloaded, the game based on my life. Wherein you chase broads around the White House, and try not to get caught by Jackie... and try not to let them see LBJ's GIGANTIC wang.

    • ...And then cheers that he's single again after the First Lady's death.
  • During their first attempt at shooting aforementioned Secret Service agent in the aforementioned booty, the agent gets up and begins running to the limo... Only for the limo to speed off without him, made exceedingly more hilarious by his little jog and the fact that he just keels over spread eagle a few seconds into it. Would've been a good shot had the round not ended immediately after.

 Ferr: That's what you get for being slow, Chuckles.

  • For an assassinated President, Kennedy sure seems trigger happy, particularly when he manages to get the entire cavalcade to stop after he shoots the driver, and proceeds to murder practically everyone on site.
    • The same episode makes Evek look like a Cold Sniper. The others call him out for this.

 Ferr: [in disbelief] How many shots did you take?

Evek: All of them!


Seaman

  • From Seaman; "Apetit! REO Speedwagon! APETIT! REO SPEEDWAGON!"

 Pipes!: Two thousand years of technology and culture so that you can yell "Apetit" into a little green microphone.

  • As mentioned in the main article, the squealing the guys do when one of the seamen say their first word in Part 4:

 Maxwell: Hello! (Beat) He didn't hear that. Yo! (taps on glass) Pay attention. Hello!

Seaman: (unintelligible)

Maxwell: Hello.

Seaman: ...hello.

(Collective gasp, then...)

All four Astronauts: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

  • Their reaction to the fact that the narrator is none other than Leonard Nimoy.
  • During the first playthrough where the astronauts accidentally extinguish the... plural of Seman's food supply. They spend the next week ("week" meaning setting the Dreamcast's internal clock ahead a day every 15 minutes) awaiting the day when the two half fish either die or resort to cannibalism.
    • Then there was the final day:

 Leonard Nimoy (in game narrator): Welcome back. You're doing a good job.

Evek: They haven't eaten in five days. You're doing a good job.

    • One of the conversations goes thusly:

 Gillman: Give me some food.

Ferr: Yeah, about that...

 Gillman: I'll never eat again!

Evek: Good to know. I'll stop feeding you.

  • Even the very beginning:

 Leonard Nimoy: This memory card does not contain saved Seaman data.

All of the Astronauts burst into laughter

pipes!: *singsong* It is what I thought it waaas!

Evek: Congratulations, Leonard Nimoy!

Ferr continues losing it

Maxwell: *reading onscreen text* Please, enjoy your time with Seaman.

  • The Seamen become a comedy gold mine when they grow into adulthood, from the conversations they hold with the Astronauts to their general snarkiness. As Maxwell says, it's the interesting part of the game.

 Seaman: ...so let me inquire, are you a male or a female? ...you are a male of the species, eh? ...well, I was hoping to meet a lady, but I guess I'm not in a position to be too choosy, am I?

pipes!: Fourth wall, being scraped.

Ferr: What would have happened if you were female, would he start hitting on you?

...

Seaman: ...I am wondering about your age now. Tell me, are you in your, um... 20's?

Maxwell: Yes.

Seaman: Ah, I see... and exactly how old are you?

Maxwell: 4,000.

Seaman: You're 21 years old?

Astronauts laugh again

 Seaman: I've been thinking about this, and and if my calculations are correct, you must be a... oh, no... you're a Scorpio, aren't you? I can just see it now... you'll lose your temper and cut off my food supply and that'll be the end of Seaman!

Maxwell: Fun fact, I am a Scorpio.

  • The very first thing that happens gameplay-wise: putting the egg in the water.

 Maxwell: There it goes. It's in.

[[[Beat]], Everyone cracks up]

Ferr: Is it in yet?

Maxwell: I dunno!

  • Ferr reading from the instruction pamphlet in the background and Maxwell's reaction.

 Ferr: 'How to say goodbye to seaman'

Maxwell: Don't read that part! [A scuffling noise starts in the background]

  • Airborne snacks, and the logical conclusion to them.

 Ferr: It's in my crotch, it's my creamsicle.

  • Everybody walking into innuendos because of the premise.

 Maxwell: I think it's trying to expel the [beat] ...Seamen.

    • And, on that note, the non-seaman related innuendos.

 Maxwell: Why is it getting so hot in here?

Ferr: Are you inviting him to take off all his clothes?

  • Some of the reactions to the Seamen's dialogue.

 Baby Seaman: Prettier than you!

Pipes: Oh, we're raising bitch fish!

    • And, while we're at it...

 Ferr: Do you guys realize that we're having a conversation with video game fish and have been for the last two hours?

 Maxwell: It's like a big ol' bulldog eating a bowl full of mayonnaise.

Ferr: There's a mental image.

 Evek: What the hell?

Ferr: Did that just happen...?

  • Everybody freaking out after the spider hatches.

 Maxwell: I'm gonna go over to the insect cage and it's gonna be full of insect bones and nothing else.

Evek: ...insects don't have bones.

Maxwell: They usually don't have faces, either.

Evek: True.

Diabetus: There's gonna be human skeletons for some reason.

Ferr: They usually don't lay the eggs of other insect species inexplicitly.

  • The reveal that the caterpillars have faces and the hysterical laughter/sobbing that follows.
  • The fact that most of episode 14 is whale noises, courtesy of Ferr and Evek, while Maxwell visits the psychiatrist of the sea.


Serious Sam

  • In Level 08 of Serious Sam, the other players are "dancing" (by rapidly moving the mouse cursor) while Maxwell tries to throw grenades at them. Then...

 Ferr: What is love, baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more...

(Grenade hits the three dancers)

Evek: Nice!

Ferr: I said "don't hurt me anymore"!

Maxwell: Well you said that at the point where the rocket was already falling on you. It was too late for me to stop it.

Evek: So what are we doing?

Maxwell: We're looking for the stupid sw-

Ferr: (stabbing Maxwell's character) Stabbing the music hater!

    • Earlier, at the very end of Level 03:

 Ferr: (Blocking the end doorway) Before you can pass through this door, you must answer me these questions-

(Evek blasts Ferr in the face with a shotgun, causing the astronauts to laugh)

      • He later attempts this again, Maxwell obliterates him by bowling him over with a cannonball.
    • Maxwell had been checking the stats. Almost wordlessly, Evek and Ferr coordinate their own moment for when he closes the stat screen. "Give us the money, man!" "Give us the money!"
    • Hell, the very first minute of the first part.

 Ferr: "I am Ferr." *He stabs Evek for an instant kill.* "And that is Evek. Right there."

  • Evek respawns and starts shooting Ferr in the back. Ferr turns around and oneshots Evek again.*

Ferr: BULLETS CANNOT STOP PIRATE PETE!


Octodad

Their playthrough of Octodad.

  • The opening cutscene, with MS Paint-level art quality:

 Wife: It's past NOON! You have to hurry, dear!

(Cut to the alarm clock, which reads 3:49 P.M.)

pipes!: ...that's a little bit more than past noon.

(laughter)

Evek: That's almost dinner.

pipes!: We're in a weird, retro-y world where people still work 9 to 5.

  • When Octodad is trying to clean up:

 Maxwell: Careful, careful...

(Maxwell smashes everything on a counter into the floor with a shoebox.)

pipes!: Oh, no! Octodad!

Ferr: This is how people clean!

  • Octodad stepping over the stove after clearing the counter:

 Evek: (makes hissing noise) AAAAAAAH!

Ferr: ...what smells like calamari?

 Ferr: I'll just be... taking this key with my hand...

pipes!: I'm walking just like manpeoples!

Maxwell: Hold on it's behind my body... my ordinary dad body. This is what humans do.

pipes!: I enjoy things that men enjoy; sport, TV, sports...

pipes!: Hello there, neighbor good friend, why don't you come over to my place to watch some sporting teams and also eat some crabs?

Ferr: And drink perhaps an alcoholic beverage, perhaps? We can entertain ourselves by removing the lids from jars and eating the food within.

  • At first you would think that the little cephalopod noises Octodad makes in place of speaking were done by the astronauts; which makes it even funnier when you realize that they're coming from the actual game.
  • pipes!' insistence on going "WOOPWOOPWOOP" every time Maxwell ends up walking sideways.
    • For that matter, whenever Maxwell loses his grip on the controls, resulting in Octodad doing things like spinning around, whipping one "leg" around while his other if firmly anchored to the ground, makes everyone laugh wildly.


Mass Effect

Twilight Princess

  • In Zelda: Twilight Princess, after Zelda fades from existence to heal Midna.
  • At one point the guys go off on a bizarre tangent that results in them coming up with the movie Wonka's List
  • The group defeat Ganondorf in Twilight Princess by dangling a fishing rod in front of him.
  • Lonk goes skydiving in Hyrule Field, courtesy of the Spinner and a bomb. (starts at 8:58)
    • In the same video, "Have you accepted the lord Jesus who is a butterfly as your lord and savior?" and the next few minutes after that.
  • Maxwell's deliberate Hypocritical Humor

  Maxwell: *Turns into human form in the twilight realm, busts open the door to the first dungeon*... Nah, I'm not going to break this game anymore than I already have. *He then proceed to mount the spinner from the game's fifth dungeon and uses it to fly away.*

Resident Evil 4

  • Ferr and pipes! demonstrating their (and by association, Leon's) sensitivity to international culture.

 Leon:(coming upon a parasite-infected resident) Excuse me...

Ferr: Excuse me, I just shot your window for no reason?

pipes!: Hello? I AM FROM AMERICA. DO YOU SPEAK ENGLISH.

Ferr: DO YOU HAVE ANY REAL FOOD.

pipes!: This is just a turnip in pig's blood!

Ferr: YOUR FOOD IS GROSS. DO YOU HAVE ANY HAMBURGERS.

  • At one point Maxwell is at the top of a ladder and the zombies climb it only to get shot off by Maxwell. Repeatedly.
  • During a fight you can hear the guys panicking and screaming.
  • During one fight Maxwell is about to get killed brutally when the wii crashes.
  • Maxwell + Ice cream sandwitch - hands + pipes! = funny as heck.
  • The Astronauts discussing the various inventive ways to play the Wii.

 pipes!: And then for the next challenge, it's play with the Wiimote behind your head as I choke you.

Ferr: And then after that, it's play with the Wiimote clenched between your buttocks.

pipes!: ...were you there that time...?

(Ferr cracks up)

Saint's Row 2

  • Saints Row 2-episode 12: Floating Link.
    • "YOU GO SHOPPING! I'LL HOLD OFF THE COPS!
  • Maxwell and Ferr playing chicken in Saints Row 2. With airplanes.
  • In Saint's Row 2; Maxwell and Blues Wear Shoes spend most of a video holding up a store and throwing hostages down stairs. Cue Maxwell opening the front door of the store, only to see someone has paved over the parking lot with police cars and police men with guns trained on the door, and just in time to see another car slam into the pile in an attempt to get at him.

Crysis

 pipes!: Way to...stick it to 'em!

Maxwell: Ah, that was dumb.

(Evek laughs)

pipes!: You should make a note of it in your log!

Maxwell: (referring to a bunker with a powerful automatic weapon) I just wanna take that gun...

pipes!: I'm sorry, the delivery of these jokes is so wooden!

Maxwell: Ugh...you're the worst.

pipes!: Have I irritated you enough that you can start a splinter group of LP?!

Maxwell: You're going to pun jail.

    • Before that, when Maxwell takes an enemy by the throat:

 Evek: Throw him out to sea!

(Maxwell does so, launching him as the enemy screams)

pipes!: To the briny depths with thee!

Cargo! The Quest for Gravity

 pipes!: What is a submarine, but a really heavy boat?

  • The building of their first helicopter, From Ferr's minimalist instructions, to the test flight where Maxwell briefly loses control of the vehicle causing it to roll forward rapidly.

Other

  • The glorious clusterfuck that is... Lemmings. Competitive multiplayer.
    • Including Ferr snapping through repeated defeats to Maxwell

 Ferr: There's a HOLE in the BUCKET, DEAR Liza, dear LIZA...

  • From Karaoke Revolution: Pipes! singing... with a mouth full of cookies.
    • And not long after that, Evek opting to hum the lyrics to "It's the End of the World as We Know It".

  Pipes!: This is R.E.M. as sung by a bumblebee.

    • Pipes!' horrific rendition of "When a Man Loves a Woman" if only for the sheer number of times he ends up getting "Okay!" "Good!" or even "Great!" ratings.
  • Although the whole LP of Prototype is funny, things really get into CMOF territory starting with this video, where guest commentators Ainsley Mctree and Russ join. It's non-stop jokes from then until the end of the LP (10 videos later), with topics as diverse as Ven Diagrams of Gayness, Arm Wives, Drag-Queen-Ball Z, a little Taint-Math humor, Rape-On (Apply Directly to the Rape), and Cactus Holes.
    • From the same LP:

  Alex Mercer (disguised as a soldier) Hey, guys! How about that Military-Industrial Complex, eh? (Jumps 10 feet in the air and glides back down several times) You! Drop and give me 20 of whatever the hell I just did!

  • Essentially every single moment spent with Dongs "REO" Speedwagon in the Oblivion LP. It really just ends up being up to the viewer's opinion where the true funniest moment is. This Troper, though, has to give it to Weebam-Na's unexpected reaction to being frenzied.
    • and of course, who could forget their real life rendition of your standard Fetch Quest from episode 15?

 Maxwell: Ferr!

Ferr: Yeah?

Maxwell: Get me a beer, it's in the fridge.

Ferr: ...OK.

Ferr:*a few seconds later* THERE'S DRAGONS IN HERE!!! AAAHHHH!!

 pipes!: Let me tell you about my D&D character. ... He's from my favourite animes! ... He has a red trenchcoat and he has a gun, but he only shoots the gun to hurt things, 'cause he doesn't believe in killing.

  • When they do a playthrough of Kirby Super Star, at one point, Kirby (played by pipes!) and Evek get a hold of the Parasol power. What follows is a couple minutes of pipes! and Evek dandifying it up and speaking in effeminate, Upperclass Twit-style voices.

 Evek: How does the internet react to our Kirby playing?

pipes!: They're talking about Monopoly.

Evek: That sounds about right.

  • QWOP.
    • 50+ minutes of incredibly raucous laughter and giggling, over attempting to get a ragdoll-like man to very slowly nudge himself along, even managing to cross a hurdle at 50m completely on his knees. Accentuated by the brilliant song choices. You haven't lived, son; not until you've witnessed the defeat of QWOP to the tune of "Baby Elephant Walk".
    • "We're off to a good start!" (runner promptly faceplants)
    • pipes! lamenting the lack of a slide whistle.
    • While playing "Born To Run", QWOP looks like he's air guitar-ing. And then he's skipping to "Walking On Sunshine".
    • At the end of the LP, they find a video of a Japanese user who cleared the course in about two and a half minutes, much to the Astronauts' chagrin. That guy botches the long jump at the very end of the run, his foot registering right at the start of the sand pit...meaning the Astronauts STILL had a better overall score than he did.
  • Their LP of Oregon Trail, in which Ferr hulks out during a hunting trip and manages to kill four animals. Nothing else comes onto the screen so he assumes he's wiped out the local population.
    • The entire LP of Oregon Trail is amazing. Particularly the fact that at the very first river, less than 4 feet deep, Ferr decides to ford the river, resulting in it tipping over and Maxwell's character instantly drowning. From then on, everybody in the wagon basically cycles through diseases and broken limbs.
    • Ferr: I just took a Gatorade money-shot.
    • "Evek has dysentery, better make a diaper out of his beard."
  • Ferr's seeming inability to keep drinks in their containers, and out of his eyes.
  • Rampart causes quite a bit of hilarious rage over failure caused by both incompetence and bad luck.

 pipes!: Why, yes, I do love to chug-a-lug cocks; 'cause my name's Maxwell. I carry around a thermos of semen everywhere I go, I like to keep it cold and frosty.

  • About halfway through the first intermission of the Wii Sports Resort LP (about halfway through) while playing Restaurant Panic they find the ice level, whereupon they start a slew of ice/cold puns. Over half of these puns are in the style of Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mr. Freeze from Batman and Robin.
  • Their LP of the first level of Killer7 deserves mention, as it mainly consists of them wandering around the game confused and not understanding anything. Eventually they have to call in a Killer7 expert to guide them through. Their reactions to most of the odd things in the game are extremely funny.

 pipes!: Incoming ghost-bomb off the port bow...and you got suicide hump-bombed, son!

  • North Vs South. Any fort mission.
  • Their first Bomberman video. Any time someone brings up the disease item (which they use STD related innuendo to refer to) and which LPer is controlling which colored Bomberman.
    • Adding to the humor of the video was the comments from a livestream which were posted into the video. In these discussions various goons, including Diabetes and CherryDoom, place bets on the winner, spread communist propaganda, and argue over being the father/mother of other goons.
    • Then there was the CPU controlled character who appeared to be glitched as it continued to run back and forth around the area it started in. After a few minutes of going at each other, Ferr finally decides to go after the computer only for the computer to move out of the way at the last second while Ferr managed to trap himself between his own bomb and the explosion from one of Evek's bombs. The next round Ferr attempted to kick bombs at the computer's position from afar only to immediately get caught in the chain blast from his own bomb. At this point everyone was convinced that the computer's apparent glitch was an elaborate strategy to make the human players drop their guards then trick them into killing themselves.

 Ferr: He did not "get me good." I got myself.

 Diabetus (in Nic Cage voice): Ferr, did you go see my movie by yourself? That's just fuckin' sad.

  • Ferr's spasmodic dancing in between levels in Shaq Fu.

  "Do do DO do do dodo do do do do DO do do dodo do do DELELELELELE"

    • Ferr has sung this in a number of videos, such as the beginning of the Atari video during Adventure, and pipes! sings it at the start of Toejam & Earl. Apparently it's a reference to something, anyone have any idea what?
  • Someone made a video putting together many of the times Ferr's gotten hurt- accidentally or because of the other Astronauts.

 Ferr: You really... bruised my ego. (punching noises) Oh, no, it hurts!

  "LETTUCE! PICKLES! MAYO! MUSTARD! KETCHUP! TOP OF THE BUN!!"

 Game Text: *to much laughter* I don't understand "God".

  I got a trident!

I got a MURDERCYCLE!

  • From Power Stone 1 Ferr's loosing streak.
  • From their test video of Trespasser, after finally running into dinosaurs Maxwell does what any sensible person would do in this situation: unload their entire clip on the brontosaurs' neck, throws the pistol at it then picks the gun back up so he could try to kill the brontosaurs by pistol whipping it's leg.
    • Then after encountering their first killable dinosaur, the Astronauts note how cute the raptor looks. After killing it Maxwell proceeds to pet it then spank it.
  • Kerbal proves why the Freelance Astronauts will never be real astronauts http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RO Mzpul Ff 4 M
  • Maxwell, Evek, and Irregular Hunter accidentaly hijack a Star Trek RP server. Many crazy hijinks ensue.
  • Diabetus steps into the ring for Worms Reloaded, and things happen.

   Ridley: Told ya I could fly!

Notes

  1. \\ by either: Dressing as Redcoats and trying to arrest them, dressing like they're from the future and talking about future Boston, or dressing like Revolutionary War people and acting like they work there, getting riled up and throwing tea in the harbor, or pretending they're loyalists and attacking.
  2. Not asking questions and keeping Evek from asking questions, respectively
  3. He laments that he should've shouted "RAMMING SPEED!"
  4. gives the opponent two garbage lines
  5. gives the opponent four garbage lines
  6. it was a livestream
  7. pressing the alt-fire makes the bananas break apart and explode
  8. generates tiny black holes, more or less
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