Fallout: New Vegas/Funny

---

• One of the dialogue choices when encountering the NCR soldiers guarding the approach to Esteban Morales' body is a classic:

NCR Soldier: Hey, what are you doing here? Courier: I'm taking this basket of cakes to my grandmother's house.

• Any time you initiate combat with ED-E as one of your followers, a tinny burst of Western music plays.
  • That's right: You get a robot that supplies you with Battle Music.
• OBJECTIVE: Talk to the idiot wearing sunglasses.

Fantastic: They asked me if I knew anything about theoretical physics. I told 'em I have a theoretical degree in physics!

• • OBJECTIVE: Find Gloria Van Graff at the Silver Rush in Freeside and make that bitch eat her hair.
    • Three guesses who's quest that comes from.
  • In case you haven't noticed, Gloria Van Graff is bald.
• The story of Vikki & Vance, and wide swath of crime and violence they cut across the United States. Or would have, if they hadn't preferred to shoplift, bounce checks and steal gas. (They drove reckless, too!) And the note on Vance's gun speculating about the number of people he'd have killed...if he'd ever fired it. More, if he'd reloaded!
• Bruce Isaac: "Also...uh...I may have plowed his daughter. A little."

"...Wow. My hat is off to you, that takes balls."

• If you choose Meyers as the new sheriff of Primm you get a news report with this speech from him:

"Howdy-do folks, I'm Sheriff Meyers. Be good, or I'll shoot you dead."

• • Choosing the robot leads to a good interview too.

"Initiating crowd appeasal protocol: Howdy folks! Can I get a YEEHAW for law and order in the settlement of ERROR TOKEN NOT FOUND."

• YES MAN
  • One of his best lines (paraphrased): We just upload my memory into the mainframe and upgrade the defenses, and then we can take over Las Vegas. Easy peasy!
  • Also:

Yes Man: We can use the chip to bypass the system and exploit it! Did I just say exploit? That's not a very nice word.

• • After Yes-Man happily tells of how he successfully calculated the best way for Benny to kill the Courier and grab the chip, you can tell him:

Courier: I'm the courier Benny shot. Yes Man: Hahaha! I know that's not true, because you still have a head! Courier: I'm serious. Yes Man: Hahaha! That's...not funny...you getting shot in the head. I really shouldn't have taken so much pride in how I set that up, huh? ...I feel really bad right now.

• • If you tell Yes Man that you got a faction to side with either the NCR or the Legion instead of him:

Yes Man: That's fantastic! That's not aiding the enemy! Not when YOU do it!

• • And then there's this conversation option if you side with him:

NCR General Oliver: (threats about NCR returning to destroy New Vegas) Courier: I see. Yes Man, throw the General off Hoover Dam. Oliver: What the hell? No, get away from me, you goddamn TV on wheels! This happens.

• • His description of the Great Khans. There's something inherently funny about how he seems to loathe them yet is so delightfully happy about it. Of particular note is when you get them to leave the Mojave:

Yes Man: Maybe they'll get eaten by giant scorpions!

• • Try attacking him. Not only will he not fight back, he will actually compliment you for attacking him... all in his normal happy-go-lucky tone of voice.

Yes Man: That's it! Make me take my medicine! Yes Man: Baaad robot! BAAAAAD ROBOT!

• • His responses if you do things detrimental to your efforts:

Yes Man: Okay, who needs artillery support? Not the good guys, that's for sure! Then consider them ignored! If they end up firing their Howitzers at us, we'll ignore that too, until it goes away. Yes Man: You... blew it up! That's just funny, because that... army seems like the secret weapon that was the whole point of... you know... I can't get over how brave you are to destroy all those Securitrons at the fort! You know, it's going to make everything so much more... uhhhh... challenging! Yeah! Challenging!

• Finding FISTO the Sexbot and pretty much everything about it. Especially the noises.
  • Please assume the position.
  • What?! No!
  • I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!

Fisto: Numbness will subside in several minutes.

• • Alternatively:
    • Well, I guess I should test it out first...
    • IS THAT ALL YOU'VE GOT, ROBOT?
  • Once you tell James Garrett about his new acquisition, he becomes rather... enthusiastic about the "possibilities". For his customers, of course. Sure.
• Several of the Courier's interactions with Benny once you track his ass down double as this and Crowning Moment of Awesome.

Benny: The cleaners will knock twice. Tell them to be thorough. Courier: It's a real mess in here - four bodies. Benny: ... What the fuck.

• • It's also pretty funny when you find the Great Khans in Boulder City. Particularly since you can tell Jessup, word for word, 'I Got Better.'
  • Or pretend you're a ghost. Complete with "Whoooooooooh".
    • Even better, it's a hilarious call back as Cass describes Ranger Ghost with the same "Whooooooooh" as the Courier when you arrive at Mojave Outpost in the first couple of hours of the game.
• Talking to Cliff Briscoe after getting Jeannie May Crawford killed has you say you did it in one of several ways, all equally funny. And he gives you a discount!

Courier: I killed Jeannie May. Do I still get my discount? Cliff: Ki- killed her? Why would you do something like that? Courier: She missed my wake-up call.

• • Speaking of Briscoe, his house. The poor guy clearly has some issues when it comes to Dinky the Dinosaur figurines.
    • He's got so many he has to keep them in his house! It's not his fault nobody ever buys the T-Rexes. You only have yourself to blame...
• Many of the failed skill/attribute checks.
  • At Nellis, talking to one of the Boomers about food:

Courier: But where do you get protein from? Oh my god, you're all cannibals!

• • Even better is the failed speech check at Mojave Outpost when trying to get Meyers pardoned by the NCR:

Courier: (paraphrase) Oh come on, he's just a convicted criminal. How bad could he be?

• • Trying to get the White Glove Society to fess up about a kidnapping:

Courier: I tried human flesh once. Mmm mmm good. Tell me all your secrets?

• • Trying to convince Mr. House to pay you extra for the delivery of the Platinum Chip:

Courier: Raise your price or... or, uh... you're "chip outta luck." Mr. House: ...Was that an attempt at humor!?

• • Failing to convince drug-runner Jack to make beneficial chems:

Jack: What do you mean helpful? My stuff already makes people feel groodalicious. Courier: If by groodalicious you mean dead! Think of the children, man, the children! Jack: ...Dude. I don't know what you're on, but I want some of it!

• • When attempting to set a couple of Freeside addicts back on the straight-and- narrow, but lacking the scientific knowledge to know what the hell you're talking about:

Courier: Just stick your finger down your throat, that'll clean you out in no time!

• • Trying to get a shady character to offer to sell you Jet:

Courier: Boy, I...sure would like some drugs. Do you know where I could buy some drugs?

• • Showing a Legionnaire how to disarm mines.

Courier: The secret is to pick them up REALLY carefully! Legionnaire: Why don't you go show us, then?

• • Convincing Canyon Runner to sell the slaves at lower price

Courier: But the girl is sick. With classic symptoms of uh...VaginaDentata? Canyon Runner: I think my Latin is better than yours. I inspect all of the captives myself, and there was no "Dentata".

• • Failing to convince Sarah to buy non-Vault suits (and trying to convince her to sell leather armour)

Courier: Imagining you in tight leather clothing makes me want to...uh...blow my top?

• • Veronica will ask you if you know anything about the Brotherhood of Steel before giving the dialogue option to have her as a companion. One of the responses with a low intelligence score:

Courier: I hear they shoot lasers from their eyes. Veronica: Wow, I have not heard that one before. Eye laser, right. I will have to remember to watch out for that one.

• • Trying to convince Daniel in Honest Hearts that he should sell you some of his limited medical supplies:

Courier: But I have all these... fine caps. Look at how shiny they are! Daniel: I'm sure your caps are fine, but we just don't have the supplies.

• • Trying to convince Easy Pete in Goodsprings that you know how to safely use dynamite:

Courier: (paraphrased) How hard can it be? Just light the fuse and toss it, right?

• • Attempting to fool the security robots in front of New Vegas' entrance with no Science skills:

Courier: Robot! Let me pass!

• President Aaron Kimball of the New Californian Republic visits Hoover Dam in... Bear Force One.
  • Let him finish his awesome, grandiloquent speech and witness the perfect Is This Thing Still On? moment.

Kimball: Thank you, thank you. [[[Beat]]] All right, let's get the fuck out of here.

• When talking to Boone about Nelson.

Boone: We're coming up on Nelson. I'm going to kill every Legion in there if that's not a problem. Courier: That's not a problem. That's a solution. Boone: Goddamn right it is. That's what we are. A couple of problem solvers.

• The G-rated sex scene with Benny. Especially tone of the 'hello' - you'd think he was greeting a passer-by, not admiring a woman's breasts.
  • Hell, the whole dialogue tree leading up to said aforementioned event with Benny.
• The entire schtick of The Kings in Freeside. A local, reasonably honorable gang which has set up HQ in an Elvis impersonation academy, and EVERY SINGLE ONE is an Elvis Presley impersonator.
  • Made even funnier by the fact that only the King and Pacer are actually trying to impersonate Elvis.
  • And perhaps their boss The King's explanation for why:

The King: (paraphrased) We moved into this building and found it was an academy all dedicated to one guy. His name wasn't on the pictures and posters, just "The King". And the place had books and holotapes and clothing and hair gel so that people could move like him, dress like him, talk like him, BE like him. It must have been a place of worship.

• • Well... he's not entirely wrong...
• Veronica's description of The Legion.

Courier: Any thoughts about Caesar's Legion? Veronica: Silliest dressed band of raping, slaving marauders you'll see east of California, I'll say that. Where's that touch of Old World class? Although I hear the soldiers mount each other as much as they mount their women, so maybe they did keep a little something from the Empire. No such privilege for the women though. Figures. So to answer your question, they're a bunch of hypocritical jerkwads. It's a word.

• ED-E's portion of the epilogue sequence... as told by ED-E himself.

ED-E: Beep boop buzz beep.

• Phillipe's Badass Boast definitely counts. Some parts are paraphrased.

Phillipe: I am the god of neo-Brahmin cuisine! No, that's not giving me enough credit. I fucking invented edible food. Do you like eating? Good. You owe your entire goddamn garbage existence to me.

• • Even better than Phillipe's rant is when a player with a high enough medical skill psychoanalyzes him.

Phillipe: Take all the recipes. It won't fill the hole, though. Just know that. (tearfully) You'll always feel empty!

• • If you go the medicine route, Phillipe's final line is hilarious Mood Whiplash. He's yelling and all of a sudden drops into this quiet "My god, I'd forgotten that. How could they do that to me?"
    • Even the game's functions have fun with it. Instead of providing a [SUCCEEDED] or [FAILED], it answers his nonsense with [?] as he's throwing a Cluster F-Bomb of a response.
• Cass talking about how the NCR is suffering from over extension.

Cass: No one's dick is that fucking long. Not even Long Dick Johnson, and he had a fucking long dick. Thus, the name. Courier: ...Yeah. I figured that.

• • Speaking of Cass and penis fascination, she'll have much to say about House's life-extending contraption, specifically the very prominent tube connected to his crotch.
    • Veronica will also make a joke about House only having one female Securitron.
  • Cass will state that the bull representing Caesar's Legion is the result of Caesar Compensating for Something
• From the epilogue, if you went Independent:

Cass lived to see the Courier defeat three armies, which was three more than she expected. She kept quiet about that part.

• Getting past REPCONN HQ's top floor security with Intelligence 2 or below or Luck 7.

Bot: Third floor is for executives only. Identify yourself. The Courier: ICE CREAM! Bot: [SUCCEEDED] Hello sir, please enjoy your stay.

• • Even funnier when you realize that the reason why the Int 2 or lower character shouts Ice Cream because he mistakes the Mister Handy for an ice cream dispenser.
• Any of Best Friend Tabitha's batshit crazy propaganda speeches on the Black Montain Radio station. Full stop.
  • Made even better with the mental image of Saren ranting on and on about how humans are inferior to the Nightkin, as they share the same VA. That casting decision can't be a coincidence.
  • Dismemberment may occur.
    • And there's her hatred of the Battle Cattle (Caesar's Legion). SHE HATES AND/OR FEARS THE BATTLE CATTLE! Maybe one of them hurt Rhonda?
      • "Citizens of Utobitha should not be seen running like scared little humans!" Just the imagery of the 'dumb-dumbs' running from a bunch of Legionaries in fear is an amusing thought
  • We're back with Best Friend Tabitha, who is telling why humans should STAY THE HELL AWAY!
• It was something of a one in a million event but This Troper once accidentally made a ghoul in Freeside turn hostile by making fun of his face. I ended the conversation and a half second later, with comedic timing that can only be called legendary, Veronica comes in from offscreen left and brains the ghoul with a ballistic fist.
• J.E. Sawyer's own words on one of the peculiar bugs:

BTW, RE: Rex/ED-E being randomly attacked: We discovered what was causing this. Sandboxing AI sees food (including water) on ED-E or Rex and decides that the only way to get that delicious food is to kill them. Because they are not NPCs (in code, they are "creatures"), this is "legitimate" behavior. We have fixed this behavior for the upcoming patch. Until then, a workaround is to remove food/water items from Rex/ED-E before hungry, hungry sandboxing folks get near those dudes.

• The Wild Wasteland adds some hilarious moments to the game. An example of which is the set of Holy Hand Grenades you can find in Searchlight's church. The sign just reads, "Pull pin and count to 5 3." And the grenades will make a bigger boom when you count to 3.
  • Then there's this fridge you find with a skeleton in it, with a rather distinctive hat. Maybe someone tried to survive a nuke in it...
• For more Monty Python humor, there's graffiti on a wall in Cottonwood Cove that reads, "Romanes eunt domus."
• Yet more Monty Python humor. There's a random encounter where you might get attacked by a gang of old ladies.
• What's a fish?
  • (INT check passed) I know what a fish is. Do YOU know what a fish is?
• Dumb dialogue is always a riot. For instance, go to the New Vegas Medical Clinic. Dr. Usanagi will introduce herself to you and says she sells implants. The following exchange takes place:

Courier: You sell plants? Dr. Usanagi: Um, no. I sell implants. They're tiny little machines I can put inside you that can make you stronger, faster, or smarter. I recommend the smarter one.

• Arcade drops plenty of hints that he'd like to follow the Courier wherever he/she's going. You can, however, play dumb and get this response:

Arcade: Don't mind me. Just voicing my thoughts so they don't burrow out of my skull in a fit of abject despondency.

• • On a related note, recruiting Arcade with a really low intelligence.

Courier (paraprashed): Life's really confusing and stuff, and I don't know what's going on. I need someone smart to help me do...things.

• Dead Money not exactly humor-oriented, but it has its moments:

Dog: (while eating a Ghost Person, if you have the Wild Wasteland perk) OM NOM NOM

• It's so childish, but the Toss my salad, Caesar!! graffiti on the loading screen always makes me giggle.

Powder Gangers do it with a BANG!

• It always cracks me up to see that the best imitation of lorica segmentata that most of the Legion could come up with was FOOTBALL PADS.
• When you win too much money at the Ultra-Luxe casino, you can be a Deadpan Snarker as they kick you out:

Floor Manager: This is enough. You will have to leave now. Courier: No problem! Thank you for making me rich!

• • Also at the Ultra-Luxe if you kill Benny:

Random White Glove: I know Benny was murdered, but if you ask me, the real crime was that chequered jacket.

• • The leader of the White Gloves' reaction to one of her colleagues attempting to surreptitiously reintroduce them to cannibalism:

Marjorie: He always was a bit of a pill, Mortimer. He was so pouty when I decided to ban eating people. And now this.

• Sometimes random NPC combat phrases and good timing make for excellent comedy. For example, there's this titbit after literally painting the walls with the organs of a dead Fiend in front of his partner.

Oh damn, that's gonna leave a stain!

• • In a similar vein, During Boone's recruitment quest, I talked to Jeannie May outside Dinky The Dinosaur and got these classic Last Words before the Chunky Salsa.

Watch out for strangers.

• Try using the console to give a male character female romance perks (or alternatively a female male romance perks). This turns the encounter with Benny into one of THE MOST hilarious conversations in RPG history.
• Meeting the Lone Drifter with the Ladykiller perk.

Courier: [Ladykiller] Wait, Montana? You don't happen to be seventeen, do you?

• The one Follower scientist in HELIOS One is someone you can have low intelligence conversations with. He's also someone who can be affected by the Confirmed Bachelor perk. Hilarity Ensues.
  • Especially since, thanks to economy of voice acting, he doesn't bat an eye when you declare "I is scientistic."

Courier: [Confirmed Bachelor] You too tense. It wrinkle your nice face.

• One of Arcade's many attempts to backpedal, this one after letting slip his familiarity with vertibirds:

Courier: What do you know about them? Arcade: Uh, what does anyone know about them? Big... flying machines, right? Crazy helicopters. So weird.

• • You have to listen to him when he says that, it only adds to the hilarity. Normally Arcade sounds very intellectual but in this case he's trying to make himself sound stupid and he doesn't do a good job at all.
  • Can't forget the line in REPCONN:

Courier: How are you so familiar with energy weapons? Arcade: Stop thinking so much. Thanks.

• If you've done plenty of NCR supportive quests before going to first talk with Caesar, when you finally do get around to it, he'll sound angry and will demand to know why after doing so much to help the enemy, you've dared to come to speak to him. Picking the right dialogue option (that Caesar gave the Courier his Mark and protection) yields this.

Caesar: And you believed that? Because I'm actually going to have you killed. (Beat) Caesar: Relax, I'm fucking with you.

• The drunks in Freeside.

Random Drunk: There are many great things in life, but peeing is definitely the best. Random Drunk: Woohoo! Random Drunk: Is there anything more beautiful than a busty brahmin riding a caravaneer off into the sunset? ... wait, that didn't come out right. Random Drunk: Hey, you gotta keep your bitches in line! Random Drunk: Hey man, could you spare some change? I've, ummm, got, like, five kids to feed. Random Drunk: Ow! Quit poking me!

• In Camp McCarran, you get the opportunity to prank the local prankster, Pvt. Davey Crenshaw. By pulling his grenade pins.

(After being told you pulled someone's grenade pins) "Man, I can't wait to see the look on his face!" Boom!

• When you ask Veronica how does someone join the Brotherhood of Steel.

Courier: How did you get to be a member? Veronica: More sexual favors than I can even count. I am still tired from it. No, actually, you're born into it.

• No-Bark Noonan. Pretty much everything he says, especially the part about the chupacabra.

No-Bark: Work of the chupacabra, the livestock vampire, says No-Bark, but they don't pay no mind. Too many holes, they say, and there's bullets in them. Well, says No-Bark, we got a chupacabra with an automatic weapon on our hands. And that's when they get real quiet, 'cause now they see the predicament we're in.

• Sergio, the Ambiguously Gay hair stylist for the Kings says a really lovely campy line in an oddly obsessive-orgasmic tone to you if you're not a member of the gang:

Sergio: You want your hair done too? No. No. No. The Kings are many and their hair must be perfect!!

• A case of Mood Whiplash during Veronica's personal quest, after confronting the paladins who've massacred a Followers of the Apocalypse outpost and accused Veronica of giving out Brotherhood secrets.

Paladin: What do you have to say for yourself? Courier: It was all her idea.

• • Alternatively:

Courier: Nice helmet. Do you wear it on dates, too? Paladin: No, I don't wear it on - enough!

• • Or for those of us with Terrifying Presence, watch the BOS Paladins who've been treating you like pricks for the entire quest suddenly turn in to wimpering babies.

Paladin: In the name of the Codex, I sentence you to death. The Courier: I will cast down your Codex and bask in the dying agony of those who hold it dear. Paladin : <in a high pitch terrified voice> No! No. NOOO!

• • • Followed by Veronica with "Uh, you were kidding just now when you said that thing about the Codex...right?"
• One quest for the Followers in Freeside involves talking to two drunks and passing a speech check to get them to sober up. Unless your speech is too low, in which case getting drunk might boost your skill enough to pass their checks. That's right, one of the ways to make the two men sober up is to get drunk because you're not convincing enough sober. Ain't life grand?
• The Securitrons during a random event in which some scantily-clad women dance in the Ultra-Luxe's fountain outside the casino.

Securitron: THE FOUNTAIN IS FOR WISHES, LADIES. Securitron: Please remove your bra from the bottom of the fountain.

• • I just got that same encounter, only it was a bit different. No securitrons intervened, but their commanding officer sure did.

NCR MP: Alright ladies, break time's over, get back to work. Stripperiffic NCR soldier: Uh oh, the fun police is here! NCR soldier in her underwear: Ambassador Crocker can kiss my ass!

• On the Fallout Wiki, there seems to be one (or a few) editors with a sly sense of humor, adding in a few wrong, though humorous and Lampshade Hanging lines. Most of the changes have since been reverted, but I've seen a few that are memorable.

(Concerning shoddy programming involving an NCR NPC who thinks he's at somewhere he isn't.) "After the NCRCF has been retaken, Lieutenant Hayes was banished to Camp Forlorn Hope for his continued complaining that he needed more men to retake the facility, and was so shell-shocked by an experience en route that he believes he's still in Primm." "Follows-Chalk is a member of the Dead Horses living in Zion Canyon in 2281. He is sent by Joshua Graham to greet the Courier upon entering Zion. He also makes strong sexual advances on the Courier, and if not accepting them this limits how far you can explore Zion"

• This one is a little hard to find, but if you help the Legion take over the solar power plant, Fantastic will have assimilated and is wearing a Legionnaire's armor. Talk to him and he says, "Hey, man, when in Rome..."
• The programming for the "casual chats" between characters is a little...iffy. Lines are assigned to characters by who voices them, not the voice they speak in. In one case, Apprentice Watkins talked with Veronica in a sweet, childlike tone, but then walked over to Taggart and started speaking in a deeper, gruff voice about the NCR. Makes for some hilarious Mood Whiplash.
• During Et Tumor, Brutus?", you need to perform brain surgery on Caesar to remove a tumor. Normally, you would need to pretty much already a brain surgeon if you want this operation to succeed, but you can instead pull it off flawlessly with 20 points medicine (Less than noticing that homeless people were pretending to be dead))... if you have a luck stat of 9 or above.

Vulpes: That was... incredible. How did you do that? Courier: I have no idea whatsoever.

• Hilarity by implication if you sneak into Aurelius of Phoenix's office. Inside, you'll find a Grognak comic, some toy cars, and a teddy bear, indicating that the gruff and serious centurion with his incredibly spiffy helmet is secretly still a bit of a child. Just imagining him playing with those toys while wearing his giant helmet (like Dark Helmet) is utterly hilarious.
  • And other times, he apparently likes to booze it up (even beer is supposedly verboten in the Legion) and stroll around in Sexy Sleepwear (even sillier-looking since the default model for it is the female teddy). Though combining these apparent predilections, and tossing in the apparent predilection for cannibalism, makes the implications a bit more uncomfortable.
• In Honest Hearts DLC, you can get Joshua Graham as a companion. He doesn't have his own meelee weapon, so instead he uses... Joshua's Pistol Whippin' .45.
• Help Mick secure a guns deal with the Omertas, and he'll upgrade your Pip-Boy 3000 to....a Pimp-Boy 3 Billion. You even hold it slightly tilted when looking at the screen.
  • Actually, that is just a a glitch with the female mesh. Male characters hold it normally.
• Doc Mitchell's reaction when the Courier associates "mother" with "human shield."
  • Another funny moment during character creation is when the good doctor shows you a couple of pictures and asks you what they look like.

"I'm too embarrassed to say."

• The quest Come Fly With Me ends with a trio of 50s-style rockets launching, set to "Ride of the Valkyries" (which is specifically selected to be the music playing when you flip the switch); I personally found it hilarious. Depending on your sense of humor, sabotaging the launch only makes it funnier.
• You will never survive my deadly Robo-Scorpions, Technological-Terrors and uh... my bigger, more atomic versions of these things!
  • "Save us all! In the name of science! Please?"
• If you turn on Archimedes and kill the NCR soldiers and have Arcade with you, he reads you the riot act and storms away. But if he's wearing armor you gave him, he takes it off and returns it to you and storms away in his underwear. What the Hell, Hero? and Mood Whiplash make beautiful, hilarious children.
• Obsidian has stated they intend Old World Blues to be much more humorous than other DLCs. They were not kidding.
  • When the Think-Tank first encounters the Courier, they mistake the finger and toes for penises.

Think-Tank: Look there, on its feet. Are those...penises? After the Courier holds a hand up: NOW IT'S HOLDING UP AN ARRAY OF FULLY ERECT HAND-PENISES! IF IT TRIES TO INSERT THEM INTO ANYTHING, ACTIVATE VIVISECTORS! After the Courier gives him the finger (failed speech check): Great. The penis on its hand is getting an erection.

• • Hell, pretty much the entire opening conversation with the Think Tank, most especially how they "charge" the sonic emitter.
  • The Think Tank in general. The leader is a Large Ham with an announcer style voice and No Indoor Voice, there's a Dr. Venture Expy with low self-esteem, a Hot Scientist with a sultry voice and a thing for humans, a tattletale Teacher's Pet, Communist-obsessed victim of childhood bullying, and an unintelligible brain that has a thing for sound-based items. Every line out of any or all of them is pure gold.
  • Pretty much the entire conversation with your brain. Of note:

Courier: [Cherchez La Femme/Confirmed Bachelor] Come on, you're my brain and I'm your body. This is meant to be, baby! Your Brain: Are you... Are you coming on to me?! Sweet lord, I don't even have the words for how repugnantly wrong that is!

• • With Wild Wasteland, while wandering around the cyber-dog testing facility, you go by a window into a room...of five cyber-dogs playing poker.
  • Toaster, the Omnicidal Maniac...toaster.

Toaster: A toaster is just a death ray with a smaller power supply! As soon as I figure out how to tap into the main reactors, I will burn the world!

• • In that vein, everything after you inform the Toaster that the world already burned. In nuclear fire. He's quite put off his game by the disappointment.
  • Again with Wild Wasteland, you can come across seven garden gnomes with pickaxes near a grave. Sadly, the grave does not contain an apple.
  • One of the endings to Old World Blues has this, if you finish with good karma:

The Toaster continued its psychotic spree, reducing all appliances in range to scrap electronics and spare parts. After one of its more psychotic episodes, however, the other Sink personalities decided enough was enough, and dumped the Toaster in a bathtub. Sparking and hissing, the Toaster swore its enemies would rue the day when they had bread - and no way to toast it.

• • The Courier has this to say of the Big MT.

This crater looks like it's been tag-teamed by two giant fuckbots.

• • • This is a hilarious case of Throw It In, as apparently, this is how Chris Avellone actually described the Big Empty in design meetings and all the other writers thought the description was too damn funny to not get put in the game.
  • Muggy in his entirety.

Courier: I'd like to talk about a different subject. Muggy: Is the new subject mugs?

• • And this:

While you were out, I spent six hours trying to reach a coffee cup on a shelf. When I finally got it down, I was so happy, I cried. I hate my life. [sing-song] Mugs mugs mugs! Mugs mugs mugs! Mug-a-mug, mug-a-mug, mugs mugs GOD, WHY CAN'T I STOP SINGING THIS FUCKING SONG!? Do you know how many coffee cups giant robot brains in jars use on a daily basis? Not fucking many!

• • The ending for Muggy if the Courier fails to find Higgs Village

Muggy continued to collect coffee cups until his wheel got a flat just out of reach of a dirty coffee cup, and his tiny robotic brain exploded.

• • Dr. Klein on the intercom, made all the funnier by his stuck voice module:

YOU GUYS SHOULD TRY THIS INTERCOM THING. IT MAKES YOU SOUND LIKE SOME KIND OF... SKY-GOD!

• • You can ask Doctor 8 to help you sonajaculate. He'll give you Duct Tape, Cram, and a comic book about a cat burglar, if you're a man. If you're a woman, you get energy cells (which "vibrate" for an hour) and a comic book about knights in shining armor.
  • The conversation between Doctor 0 and Doctor Klein if 0 is on your side and "changed" his name to 0. He states his name proudly as "zero, with a slash through it" (to differentiate between the number and the letter O, which Klein called him). Klein's reaction to the slash is priceless. Not to mention when 0 accuses him of plagiarizing from the Chinese--

HOW DARE YOU! BRAINIAL BEAM OSCILLATION WAS SOLELY MY DISCOVERY! I EXPRESSLY TOLD YOU THAT AND DELETED ALL EVIDENCE TO THE CONTRARY!

• • Dr. Borous' lines during the "High School Horror" quest are fantastic. Especially the ones showing his traumatic memories of Richie Marcus.

This is the pre-recorded voice of your pre-recorded principal!

• • Dr. 0 may be an unapologetic Actor Allusion to Dr. Venture, but it's just so wonderful.

Dr. 0: Lobotomites! Please remember to wash the walking eye!

• In Honest Hearts, when you get the unique Yao Guai Gauntlet after tripping out on datura:

White Bird: Here, take. Gift, to remind you of visions. Use well. Or sell to curio trader. Either way, says much about you.

• • Another one from White Bird, if you happen to have Wild Wasteland on.

White Bird: Hola, outsider. Welcome, child of omens. You come to receive visions of truth? Courier: What? I don't know what "visions of truth" means. White Bird: Take drugs! Kill a bear!

• In Nipton, you can meet a crippled Powder Ganger named Boxcars who survived the Legion's assault. If you have negative reputation with the Powder Gangers (and you likely will) he'll be less than thrilled to see you.

Boxcars: Are you fucking kidding me!? First I get my legs smashed with hammers, and now in comes the Powder Ganger's Grim Fucking Reaper! What the fuck ya got against us, man!?

• On the road between Goodsprings and Sloan, there's an extremely ironic pre war sign indicating that "Hitchhikers may be escaped prisoners". In the middle of Powder Ganger territory. Centuries after the great war, and that sign is still 100% accurate!!!
• Replace Boone's beret with a party hat, and hilarity will ensue.
• Asking Beatrix, a cowboy dominatrix ghoul for life advice gets you some quirky sayings:

Beatrix: Feed a man for free and he'll be back asking for more. Feed a man a bullet. You won't hear from him again.

• This troper was talking to Meyers after getting him a pardon from the NCR. While talking to him, the radio says that he was just sworn in. The timing of it still cracks me up
• From Lonesome Road:

Courier: Do you record everything that's said around you? ED-E: <Sly beeping> Courier: Really? Well, I'd better be careful what I saw to you, huh? ED-E: <Reassuring beeping.> Courier: No, ED-E, I don't want to hear your recordings of "human mating calls." That's just...wrong. ED-E: <Coy beeping.>

• You can kill the Bonus Boss Rawr and use his hand to make a Deathclaw Gauntlet (which might be less useful than in 3 if you have the Piercing Strike perk), and is rightly called "Fist of Rawr". But with Wild Wasteland, it becomes the "Fist of the North Rawr".
• "What's a Chicago?"
• When you look around Camp Guardian you find notes that make it have all the classic signs from a horror movie: Bad radio communications, sounds at night, using explosives and finding caves, shadows in the water and it's too big to be a fish. When you investigate you find that they opened up a BIG Lakelurk nest and all but one person survived. When you find him he's wounded and you can tell he's very glad to see someone human. When you greet him, you can respond like so: <Raise Arms> "Boogedy boogedy boo!" His reaction is priceless. You can watch it here.
• If you have an "Accepted" reputation in Freeside, this sometimes causes a hilarious plot hole. You are given the "G.I. Blues" quest because body guard Orris has figured out all of the others the King has sent to investigate him are associated with the gang. So, you enter the north gate of Freeside and hire Orris as a bodyguard. As you follow him down the road, pretending not to work for the Kings, one of the Kings promptly runs up to you and happily announces you're in good standing with the Kings and gives you free stuff. Gee, thanks for blowing my cover! Luckily, Orris never seems to notice.
• This Troper arranged to have sex with Sarah at the Vault 21 Hotel, and while she was still asleep afterwards I pickpocketed her uniform so she'd have to walk around in her underwear. While this was going on, my companion was out in the hall still. Sarah woke up and walked into the hall, stopped to say hi to my companion, then began walking down the hall back to the front desk as my companion turned and watched her go. And here's the funny part -- my companion was Veronica!
• If you recruit Raul early and bring him along for "Come Fly Away With Me" you get a hilarious moment when the Ferals attack them:

Raul: HEY! I'm of you! Don't eat me! EAT THE SMOOTHSKIN! ...Er. Sorry, Boss.

• • Even better, his tone after the last part implies that Courier just shot him a dirty look for saying that.
• Pretty much anything Dr. Ada Straus says.

Courier: Can you heal my radiation? Straus: Are you sure? You won't be able to read in the dark as well. Courier: On second thought, I'll tough it out. Straus: Can you hold still then? I wanna make some toast.

• • Or if you ask her about curing an addiction:

Straus: Hey, we can't talk about that here...! Oh, you want a cure? Ohhh... Straus: Alright, convulsions should stop after 8 to 12 weeks! If they don't, then try holding onto something very still.

• One of the Gun Runners Challenges is killing House with a golf club, endearingly titled "A Slave Obeys".
  • Two other challenges, one requiring you to kill feral ghouls with weapons bearing religious names and the other requiring you to kill abomination-type monsters with a variety of simple melee or explosive weapons, are titled "The Same Could Be Said Of All Religious Weapons" and "You Don't Belong In This World!"
• Corporal Farber's first line is about mistaking the Courier for a phoney NCR health inspector who swindled him out of some caps.

Farber: And I looked it up, there ain't no disease called colorectal implosion syndrome! So I paid you those caps to look the other way for nothing!

• Many of The Sink's inhabitants get great lines. Especially Muggy and The Toaster.

Toaster: Hey! I got a super rare, uh...Mojave snowglobe! All you have to do is stick your hand in my bread slot...

• Recruiting Cass usually requires high skill checks, but the highest one (Barter 75) has the best pay off in sheer hilarity. You challenge your team's resident booze hound to a drinking contest. Depending on your character's Endurance stat, you get wildly different dialogue (this section in fact has the most dialogue options and voiced acting from one dialogue tree choice in the game).
  • Beating her with 10 Endurance is freaking hilarious as she's bested at drinking.

Cass: Enough! All fi- fou- ... ALL OF YOU! Shit. I'm fuckin' wasted and you're just sitting there.

• • If you tie her in the bout, there's a bunch of different options.

The Courier: I love you and your little hat. Cass: Aww, ain't that sweet.

• • In Vino Veritas:

The Courier: Mmmmmwhen ah firsmet you, ahmm thought you werem the mmmbiggestmm mmbitch in the world.

• At the end of Lonesome Road, if you opt to nuke both the Legion and the NCR while having the Wild Wasteland trait, you'll get this ending:

Ulysses: "The Couriers finally, really did it. They blew up the lands West and East of the Mojave... damning them all to Hell."

• • Hearing it in Ulysses' utterly deadpan voice just makes it better.
• Asking O'Hanrahan about why he joined the Army.

O'Hanrahan:"As the oldest one it was my duty to go into the Army so's we could eat, and so's my sisters wouldn't get killed by raiders, and Jesus would love us."

• In the northwest part of the map, there's an abandoned farm. If you approach the pen, a Nightkin uncloaks and starts off on a rather interesting sales pitch.

Nightkin: You want to buy wind-brahmin? Courier: What, you mean the tumbleweeds? Nightkin: Tumble-whats? Courier: Oh, you're crazy, aren't you? Nightkin: Crazy with low prices on wind-brahmin! You buy one!

• Old World Blues and the topic of "sonjaculating".

Doctor O: Ding... Turkey's done.

• Vault 11's Lottery of Doom is not funny. The recording meant to soothe the intended victim, however, is hysterically funny. For instance, it was intended for somebody who would have spent his or her entire life up to that point in several small rooms under thirty feet of rock behind three feet of steel...

"Maybe you wanted to drive a race car..."

• The start of the DLC Honest Heart is meant to be dramatic with the caravan you traveled with being massacred in front of your eyes. However the way it plays out like a textbook example of such a scene complete with people getting killed mid sentence and during badass boasts makes it quite funny in a dark way. Even better, everyone dies regardless of your actions, so you can just stand there clueless until everything is over.
• This effect works with several weapons, but the unique weapon "Pushy" sometimes has its moments. Pushy is a powered-up version of the displacer glove, a melee weapon that effectively has the same body-flinging Knockback effect as a gauss rifle. In one of those weird moments where Wreaking Havok comes together in a way that can only be described as serendipity between world objects and Ludicrous Gibs, it is possible to punch someone with this glove with a mighty uppercut, watch their bodies go flying across the street to fetch up against a dumpster, then have their heads rocket off three stories up on a fountain of blood before eventually landing...in the opened top of the dumpster. It was simply too bizarrely cartoonish to not laugh.
• Even for a game as notoriously buggy as this one, occasionally some bugs happen without rhyme or explanation that nonetheless end up with comical examples of Artificial Stupidity and/or Too Dumb to Live. Occasionally, the NPC pathing goes a little off the rails, and you'll end up with wandering human NPCs idly walking straight off a cliff or getting caught up on a terrain object while goose-stepping in a fashion so exaggerated it's practically straight out of the Ministry of Silly Walks. Then there's the weird NPC health issue which will sometimes cause unnamed, generic NPCs to spontaneously and inexplicably die in the middle of their travel route; in one instance combining both of these examples, a generic NPC mercenary guarding a traveling merchant walked off the road and off a short but harmless foot-high drop, which inexplicably caused her to scream loudly and die right on the spot.