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Gordon: I don't understand! Why is everyone trying to kill me? I'm awesome! Are you all jealous!?
Freemans Mind, when Gordon tries to figure out why the army is trying to kill him.

Yugi: It's as though nature itself is just randomly trying to kill us!

Tristan: M. Night Shyamalan was right!
In Nintendo you control a little man who runs around the screen trying to stay alive while numerous powerful and inexplicably hostile forces try to kill him. It's a lot like New York.
Dave Barry
The floor here will kill you. Try to avoid it.
GlaDOS, Portal
Let's worry about more important matters, like why does the fire department want you dead?
Mike Fireball in his article about The Simpsons arcade game
"R.I.P Player, killed by elementary physics"
—One of many Nethack death messages.

Abner: She used to be run by a dwarf named Kurtz, but he was killed by some bad clams.

Krosp: Clams?

Abner: Yes, they had axes.

Othar Tryggvassen: Ha! It'll take more than being tied to a lit keg of explosives and tossed into a pit of acid filled with mutant, acid-resistant flying piranhas equipped with flame throwers and battle-axes while mechanical, missile-launching morris dancers armed with liquid nitrogen harpoon guns are overhead, riding giant, rabid killer bees with side mounted death rays to kill Othar Tryggvassen!

Ferretina: Whoops! Silly me, I forgot to turn the lightning generators on!

Othar: Er, not a whole lot more, I'll admit...
—Turning the above Up to Eleven, Girl Genius

Oh my god, here comes a shark and it's gonna kill you

Oh my god, look out for the jellyfish, they're gonna kill you

Oh my god, the rocks a-falling, they're gonna kill you

Hey look out, you're almost out of oxygen, it's gonna kill you

Oh my god, I can't believe that that could kill you

Oh my god, I can't touch a bubble, that'll kill you

Dear god, this game is frustrating! I guess I'm just angry

about the 40 hours I can't get back
"Even when the battlefield gives us every advantage, it is still part of the universe. And this universe, never forget, despises us."
Daenyathos- "The Reliquerae Tactica", Warhammer 40000
"All the world will be your enemy, Prince with a Thousand Enemies, and when they catch you, they will kill you... but first they must catch you."
"Holy shit! What a dream I was having! Louis Armstrong was trying to kill me!"
Because if D&D has taught me anything, it has taught me that my laundry is just waiting to stab me in the face whenever I let my guard down.

"Survival rule 502: Every hunk of rock is trying to kill you."

"Out there beyond that fence, every living thing that crawls, flies, or squats in the mud wants to kill you and eat your eyes for jujubes."
Col. Miles Quaritch, Avatar
"He will be a wild donkey of a man; his hand will be against everyone and everyone's hand against him, and he will live in hostility toward all his brothers."
Angel of the LORD to Hagar about Ishmael, The Bible, Genesis 16:12 (New International Version)
"An animated globule of molten lava, OUT TO DESTROY YOU FOR SOME REASON. Truly, EVERYTHING is out to get you. That's what you get for being a protagonist!"
Lava Blob description, MARDEK Chapter III

This rock, this sock

This clock, that tree

All have a great potential for harming me

I bet that you think

You could never get hurt

By a box of raisins or a flannel shirt!
Wade Duck, Garfield and Friends

Scott: Look out for that truck. It'll kill you.

Missy: Okay.

Scott: Look out for that dog. It'll kill you.

Missy: Is there anything in this game that can't kill you?

Scott: Not that I've found. Look out for that shrub.

"Dream Valley is constantly out to kill you. It's like Australia, Sunnydale and Ravenloft met at an orgy, and spawned this abberation, then woke up in the morning and freaked out when they realized Care-A-Lot and Disneyland had also participated."

"When I was a kid we played games where we had one life and every bird, insect and blade of grass was trying to murder you."
Yahtzee, Zero Punctuation

"You better pay attention or this world you love so much

Might just kill you."
Monk theme song

"So you're walking through Hill Valley and every single thing you can imagine is out to kill you. Bullies, hoola-hoop girl, killer bees, and guys holding glass windows?...I never knew a hoola-hoop girl could be so deadly! Why does she want to kill Marty, anyway?...What are those guys doing with that window, anyway? And why are all these giant bees coming out! Give me a break! And what the fuck is Marty doing when he gets killed? It looks like he's having some kind of a seizure! I mean, I guess I'd have a seizure too if there were bees and hoola-hoop girls coming at me! I mean, just leave me alone! I'm trying to collect clocks!"

"Everything imaginable wants you dead. Even water faucets coming out of trees. Even the hands of a clock can kill you."
This brings up the first issue I have with D&D: There is no hope for you if you exist in this world. Nothing can be trusted. If the game master wants to kill you, you're dead.
Death is everywhere. Most of us try to avoid it. Others can't get out of its way. Every day we fight a new war against germs, toxins, injury, illness, and catastrophe. There's a lot of ways to wind up dead. The fact that we survive at all is a miracle. Because every day we live, we face ... 1000 Ways to Die
1000 Ways to Die opening speech
After pantomiming how to murder Mike for 15 minutes, the next step is going to a bar set and putting on little plays to show how the moves work. After seeing several of the scenarios he comes up with, I get the idea that everyone who has ever met Scott Rogers has attacked him. His bar fight scenarios seem to come out of nowhere. It's never anything like "You spilled my drink!" or "You were a guy in a dress this whole time!" Instead they all seem to start with, "Hi, I'm Scott Rogers. In this scenario, you walk into a bar and you look like me. Every person who sees your face feels a desperate need deep inside them to approach it and kill it with anything they're holding. Here's how to fend them off with a torch on the end of a grappling hook. Mike will play the part of Yoda, and everything that isn't the couch is lava."
Cracked, 5 Insane Fighting Manuals (You Probably Shouldn't Listen To) (especially after treating Scott Rogers as a Beat'Em Up video game protagonist)
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