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Woman, see ponytail, clap clap at ponytail, now me clap clap cheeks…

Bob identifies himself with a socially-constructed group. A nationality, a religion, a subculture, "Nice Guys", or whatever. As such Bob feels Alice is obligated to be with him, one way or another. Perhaps they identify with the same group, and she will be a 'traitor' to their category if she does not date or marry within it. Or maybe he just feels that by belonging to the category he 'deserves' her more than someone that does not. The former self-justification often goes hand-in-hand with the latter. If Alice complies, she might even discover that Bob is willing to take his sense of entitlement further still.

There are several basic ways in which Bob can justify his sense of entitlement:

  • A: Who he is. For example, "She must sleep with me because I'm part of Clan X and a woman of Clan X must always choose X over Y".
  • B: What he does. For example, "She must sleep with me because I repair her television and listen to her drama, therefore she must give me something in return, and this can only mean one thing".
  • C: What he doesn't do. For example, "She must sleep with me because I wouldn't rape her", or "She must sleep with me because I normally abstain from sleeping around".
  • D: Extreme circumstances: The world is ending, someone is dying, Only You Can Repopulate My Race, or similar.
  • E: As a coupon for friendship, a subset of B and possibly A. "I've been her loyal friend for years, and I deserve for her to see me as something more and give herself to me."

Type A is usually more aggressive, and often the (implicit if not explicit) attitude of the Mighty Whitey's native rival for the hand of The Chief's Daughter and/or Nubile Savage. Or any other male prone to accuse people of being a Category Traitor. The mindset can in some cases lead to Honor-Related Abuse, especially when based on race/ethnicity/religion. This is a primary source of much of the unfortunate negative attitudes towards mixed couples, such as black man/white woman and Asian woman/white man pairs (see Where Da White Women At? and Asian Gal with White Guy respectively). Type A is also usually the root cause of the Marital Rape License.

Type B is usually more passive-aggressive, and one of the big reasons why being a self-defined "Nice Guy" might mean something entirely different from actually being good or even nice. (See also Nice Guys Finish Last; contrast Dogged Nice Guy and All Girls Want Bad Boys, where the nice guy actually is nice, or at least expected to be seen as such according to the narrative.) However, this behavior is not limited to guys who consider themselves nice. A straight Jerkass character might buy a woman a drink... without informing her that he considers her a very cheap hooker who he has now bought and is entitled to use.

Type C can easily come across as Insane Troll Logic, but is actually quite reasonable From a Certain Point of View: the view of a guy who believes that regular male sexuality is mostly about Sex Is Evil and I Am Horny, and that women owe him a debt of gratitude for not being a rapist like those other guys. (Of course, he might even be a rapist -- making the whole thing even more ironic.) Or the view of a gal who learned to identify a bit too much with My Girl Is Not a Slut. In both cases, the character might come across as a Prude Supremacist.

Since this trope in general and Type A in particular is based on a traditional male gender role, it's mostly male. However, female examples can exist, even with Type A. For example, a western woman might invoke Asian Hooker Stereotype when a white man dates an Asian woman. And of course, certain female characters might engage in the worst male stereotypes, especially when Played for Laughs.

Type E is the type of "Nice Guy (TM)" particularly lambasted by feminist circles, but in recent times has experienced a gender reversal. Many songs, books, teen movies or TV shows will have the tomboyish or nerdy female protagonist or the male hero's best friend declare that she deserves his love because she's known him longer than anyone and truly understands him, unlike that "bitchy" cheerleader he's into.

See also Sour Prudes and Sex Is Evil and I Am Horny, as well as Lie Back and Think of England and My Girl Is Not a Slut. Polar opposite of Ethical Slut, where characters of any genders have fun together -- and encourage potential partners to want to have sex with them, rather than trying to squeeze favors out of someone who just isn't interested. Compare Entitled Bastard, It's All About Me, and Prince Charming Wannabe. Contrast Sexual Extortion, where the creep backs her demands with threats/"offers" rather than moralizing and guilt-tripping. Contrast Wants a Prize For Basic Decency where Bob/Alice expects a reward for acting like a decent person.

Examples of Entitled to Have You include:


Anime and Manga

  • Lost of Bastard Boyfriend or Tsundere Love Interests behave like this. The Bastard Boyfriend will feel entitled to his girl/boy's body, mind and soul just because s/he loves him; the Tsundere will treat the love interest like absolute crap but will get mad when someone else sets his/her eyes on them.

Comic Books

  • In Bitchy Butch, Butchy herself is often a (female) example of this trope, ranting about how random women ought to "be loyal to their gender" and have sex with her rather than with the men they are in love with.
  • In one Mega Python album, the male protagonist demand sex from a random woman, using the argument that she must sleep with him because he's gay. When she dispute that he'd even want to have sex with her if he's gay, he replies that he's considering getting turned straight.
  • In one strip of Inrutat (by the same guy who makes Pondus, a male dinosaur is pleading the Type D with a female dinosaur, as the Extinction Level Event Comet is blazing down from the sky.
  • Yondu pulled this on Photon, thinking they were the last two of their species, in the 1990s Guardians of the Galaxy. It didn't go well. (Jim Valentino meant to eventually get them together, but it never panned out.)
  • In City of Dreams, The white prince seem to have more then a little bit of this mindset, but this turns out to be caused by the fact that he actually IS her boyfriend - yep, Christine's sexually repressed Heteronormative Crusader real life boyfriend is a dreamer too, but as much as he'd like to tell himself he's only there to rescue her, he did in fact end up in Morrigon of his own accord...
  • Maxima's general attitude towards Superman. They're both strong so they should be together right? Who cares what the Man of Steel himself has to say about this.

Fanfiction

  • The Trope Namer gets this a lot in Ron the Death Eater fanfics with respect to Hermione.
  • André Harris frequently gets this in the Victorious fanfics of irshgirl. In the show, André never flirted with Tori because he and her were Platonic Life Partners. To get around that, these fics have André say that he never flirted with Tori because he thought that she and Beck had an unspoken thing yet whenever Tori directs the conversation to any topic that isn't her/André, André is holding back mountains' worth of anger that Tori would dare not discuss how perfect they are together with roughly half his dialogue consisting of demands that Tori shuts up and gush about him instead of talking about things like lemonade, movies, or anything two teenagers might casually discuss while hanging out.
  • Zutara fans firmly believe Aang is this trope personified, and their fanfiction and meta reflect it.
  • Keith becomes this in the Voltron: Defender of the Universe fic "Devoted Obsession" to the point where he goes insane and tries to murder Allura for choosing Lotor over him. He gets his head hacked off before a cheering crowd for his troubles.
  • Innes and Lyon are treated like this by Seth/Eirika shippers in the Fire Emblem fandom in order to prove how terrible they are for her, unlike the perfect, heroic Seth.
  • Relena got hit with this stick hard in the old days of Gundam Wing fandom, where she was portrayed as a bigoted harpy who believed Heero should be with her because she's female and a princess, and the fan-preferred Duo was a "street rat."
  • In some cases, this can be treated as a positive trope for die-hard shippers, who care more about giving their favorite character everything they want instead of the ship itself, or the character's crush/possible love interest as a person.
    • Voltron: Legendary Defender has the Sheith fandom, much of whom believes Keith is the only person who deserves Shiro's love because he's so devoted to him and that Shiro's marriage to Curtis was "a slap in the face to that devotion". Never mind that that line of thought is the opposite of what Keith actually believes when it comes to Shiro.
      • The worst example of this is in Across the Multiverse, where every single one of Keith's incarnations from Akira Kogane onward behave like this about all of Shiro's incarnations, Shiro/Sven is treated as a mere walking and breathing side-piece for Akira/Keith to obsess on, Shiro/Sven's other love interests are either demonized (including Roy Fokker from the Voltron/Robotech crossover comics, who's paired with Sven and made to be a dick to his canon girlfriend Claudia just to prove how EVIL anyone who gets close to Sven is) or demoted to extra (like Princess Romelle from the DOTU continuity, who barely gets one or two mentions around the time her Sven suddenly dies whereas Keith makes everything about himself), Fala/Allura is treated like an Abhorrent Admirer who must be tossed into Isamu/Lance's arms so she won't be in between, and Keith's selfish behavior is rewarded with Shiro's love at the end, while everyone mocks Curtis over being publicly dumped and humiliated.
    • Cardcaptor Sakura yuri shippers believed Sonomi Daidouji was owed romance by Nadeshiko and have even bashed the latter's canon husband for "stealing her away." While Sonomi canonically did hate Fujitaka out of jealousy over Nadeshiko choosing him, she knew very well she didn't stand a chance as Nadeshiko gave up the respect of their family to be with the man she loved (they'd met when he was a teacher and she was still in high school). This extends to Sonomi's daughter Tomoyo, whom fans feel "deserved" Sakura more than her canon boyfriend Syaoran by virtue of being devoted to her and a girl. Even though Tomoyo has displayed complete selflessness towards Sakura and is happy enough just to be friends with her, and played matchmaker for her and Syaoran.
    • Dorothea/Ingrid shippers in Fire Emblem: Three Houses fandom don't so much like the ship as they do Dorothea Aranult (who is canonically bisexual) getting all the pussy she deserves, as a good number of them are quite nasty towards Ingrid for rejecting her romantic overtures and being heterosexual. They don't see Ingrid as a person, just as a prize for Dorothea.
    • Ishida Uryuu in Bleach seemed to have feelings for Orihime, who was in love with Ichigo and ultimately was loved back. Before she and Ichigo hooked up, Ishida/Orihime fans believed Ishida was her "man of destiny" who would sweep her off her feet and make her get over her "girlhood crush" who was destined for Rukia anyway, and that Ishida deserved Orihime more because he was a gentleman and not a clueless shounen hero. When it didn't happen, they blamed Orihime for not falling at his feet even though Ishida himself never showed any entitlement towards her.
      • Ulquihime fans also did something similar, believing that Ulquiorra deserved Orihime better than Ichigo because "he made her stronger" - nevermind that he was a Magnificent Bastard in training who was among those who mentally tortured her during her captivity, and also almost killed Ichigo and severely wounded Ishida to prove points to her and drive her to a breaking point. When he croaked in a quite well-done Alas, Poor Villain scene where he finally understood what a heart was and Orihime forgave him for what he did to her, Ulquihime fans were FURIOUS and decided that Orihime was a stupid bitch for not reviving him on the spot and for not falling out of love with Ichigo.
      • Ichiruki shippers fall into this, too, thinking Rukia deserves Ichigo by virtue of being a skinny, snarky tomboy with small breasts who's suffered a lot and needs the hero's love and kisses to make it better. Nevermind that Rukia's thoughts on Ichigo are more akin to a Cool Big Sis and a younger brother that she's tough but also kind to, that she has her own emotional troubles unrelated to Ichigo, that she's implied to know and support Orihime's love for Ichigo, and that she had her own love interest (her childhood friend Renji).
    • Ash/Misty shippers in Pokémon fandom believe Misty deserves Ash because she's the lovelorn tomboy who was his first traveling companion.
    • In any series with a male-female pair of childhood friends, the female half will be the one held up as the true girl for the male half, the one who understands him most of all and should win his heart by virtue of having known him the longest. Any other girls the male friend dates or likes will be demonized.
    • Lots of Zutara arguments are based on the fact that Zuko should win Katara's heart for going with her on her (aborted) revenge quest in "The Southern Raiders", all while denouncing Aang as the bad version of the trope. Naturally, these fans fail to recognize their own hypocrisy (Aang getting with Katara is "bad" because it encourages male entitlement due to him being The Hero, but Zuko getting with her as a reward for bettering himself is a-okay and doesn't carry any unsavory implications!)
      • How I Became Yours treats Mai like she's the negative version of this trope for daring to be upset that Zuko cheated on her, but in reality it's Katara who cops this attitude. She deserves Zuko more because she's a sad peasant girl he knocked up, she lost the baby, her heart has a boo-boo, and the narrative presents her as unerringly in the right. Ping the random OC Air Nomad also suggests Aang "deserves" Toph's love because he saved the world.
    • Many Seiya/Usagi fans in Sailor Moon fandom believe Seiya has more right to be with Usagi than Mamoru does because she's sweet and tender and gentle with her while Mamoru is a Sugar and Ice Personality who shows his love in more subtle ways. (The 90s anime, where the ship originated, doesn't help matters due to the writers and director cutting Mamoru's character development and depth down to almost nothing due to their hatred of the guy). This is even when Seiya herself seemed to have also a Bodyguard Crush on Princess Kakyuu and that, while she did once ask Usagi to give her a chance to replace Mamoru, it was because she mistakenly believed he had just dumped her; when the truth was revealed she was as shocked as anyone else, and at the very end she told Mamoru to treat Usagi well before she, Kakyuu and the other Starlights left Earth.

Film

  • Biff Tannen in the Back to the Future saga with respect to Lorraine Baines. He's the Jerk Jock and he deserves to have the hottest girl in school on his arm.
  • Pictured above: Gaston in Beauty and the Beast seems to expect Belle to just fall into his arms because... well, he's Gaston. When she finally makes it clear that no, she's really not into him he... doesn't take it well. The other women in town have no problems with falling into his arms should the opportunity present itself, because... well, he's Gaston, so it's a double insult to him.
  • Debated in Female Perversions, a debate played for horror: A particularly creepy woman is holding a little lecture about how a woman "must" be an empty canvas for men to project their desire on. Her niece's (slightly delayed) response is to start cutting helself - carving the word "love" into her own flesh and explaining that she meant to write "hate". Maybe she didn't know the difference anymore?
  • In Ice Age 2, Manny comes across this way to Ellie after a That Came Out Wrong moment. He was thinking a bit more along the lines of Adam and Eve Plot.
  • In Megamind, this is a big part of what makes Hal so annoying and later so screepy in regards to Roxanne.
  • The case for Chad in Tucker and Dale vs. Evil who believes that he is entitled to Allison because she and him are special and goes crazy when she falls for Dale who he sees as a hillbilly and beneath him

Literature

  • The Turner Diaries argues that women should not sleep with those of another race, claiming that those who do so "defile their race". The male white nazi "heroes" even murder a lot of white women, hanging signs saying "I defiled my race" on their corpses. (And no, calling the protagonists "nazi" is not Godwin's Law - the book is written by a neonazi for neonazis.)
  • Mike "Ghost" Harmon in the Paladin of Shadows series is openly and blatently a Type C. This is a major contributing factor to the meme Oh, John Ringo, No!
  • In the fifth book of A Song of Ice and Fire, practically none of the men looking to marry Daenerys to make their lives and respective likelihoods of becoming king better think even for a second that she might say no. Aegon Targaryen VI has to be flat out told by Tyrion, "She has her own claim to the Iron Throne, her own kingdom and, oh yeah, the only dragons in the world and you think she's going to give that up for you and your fuck-all?" for him to change his mind from "Of course she'll marry me, I'm me!"

Live Action TV

  • Goes both ways in Dawson's Creek with Dawson/Joey. In the beginning, Joey shows signs of feeling entitled to Dawson's love because she's his childhood friend, though she seems more resigned to him choosing Jen over her and simply bemoans the reality. When they break up for real and she decides to go off with Pacey, Dawson declares she should choose him because they're old friends and he loves her.
  • Rose Tyler in Series 1 of the revived Doctor Who. Not with the respect to the Ninth Doctor but with respect to Mickey Smith. She all but dumped him, openly flirted with the Doctor in front of him, and didn't think to call him when she got back from travelling (thanks to the Doctor's bad driving, Rose was gone for a year and Mickey was accused of killing her). And yet after all that, she expected him to stay loyal to her. As Mickey argues in "Boom Town", she ran off with someone else and she still expects him to just sit there and wait for him?
  • Steve Urkel's mad crush on Laura in Family Matters comes off like at certain points, mostly whenever Laura's interested in or dating some good-looking jock. However, it's beautifully subverted in the episode where she falls for Ted Curran and wants him to ask her to the homecoming dance: Steve fails to land a date with Laura, so he talks to Ted and tells him to ask her, because it would make Laura really happy. Laura is so touched by this selfless act that when she's crowned Homecoming Queen, she asks Steve to dance with her.
  • Ross and Rachel go back and forth with this in Friends. On Ross' side, he felt that having been in love with Rachel since high school, as well as being a Nice Guy, felt he deserved his happy ending. When Ross and Rachel broke up and Ross got engaged to Emily, Rachel felt that, having been the object of Ross' affections for ten years, she was owed him.
  • Charlie Gardner in Girl Meets World with respect to Riley. He gained an encyclopedic knowledge of Riley and feels that that makes him a better match for her than Lucas.
  • Peter Cambell in Mad Men does Type B with a German au pair that his neighbours hired. He goes through some trouble to fix a dress with red wine or some such spilled on it, but it's only after he returns it that she tells him she already has a boyfriend. Her reactions indicate that it was naivety about his intentions rather than an attempt to use him, but he still forces himself on her a bit later. This comes back to bite him when the neighbour finds out.
  • Cheryl Blossom was not always this in Riverdale, her relationship with Toni was actually quite supportive and romantic at first. But as Cheryl's Psycho Lesbian tendencies kept cropping up and her Sanity Slippage got worse, this trope was not far behind.
  • Mister Mxyzptlk in the second season of Supergirl with regards to Kara. Unlike most practicers of this trope, he apologizes for this when he returns, saying that he was wrong and does his best to make amends with Kara.
  • Both Jade and Cat in Victorious with regards to Beck and Robbie, respectively. Even when they were broken up, Jade would lose her mind if Beck went near another girl. Cat would constantly laugh at Robbie's attempts to woo her (and outright said that he was gross more than once) but openly said that her rejecting Robbie did not make it okay for him to date someone else. Beck's face after that comment said it all.

Music

  • Detractors of Taylor Swift's "You Belong With Me" see the song as being this trope. The heroine listens to her guy friend's complaints about his girlfriend and has known him since childhood, therefore she's clearly the better option because she could love him so much better than that humorless slut he's dating.

Newspaper Comics

Theater

  • Subverted in Fiddler On the Roof. Tevye arranges the marriage of Tzeitel, his oldest daughter, to an old friend of his -- the wealthy butcher, who also happens to be older than Tevye. When Tzeitel reveals that she wants to marry her Victorious Childhood Friend, and her father goes along with it, her original fiance does not take it very well.
  • The princes of Morocco and Arragon both feel this way about Portia in The Merchant of Venice, and, when they each have to choose a casket to win her hand in the Engagement Challenge, they both contemplate choosing the silver casket, labeled "Who chooseth me shall get as much as he deserves." Morocco sums their logic up nicely:

 "As much as he deserves"; why, that's the lady,

I do in birth deserve her, and in fortunes,

In graces and in qualities of breeding,

But more than these, in love I do deserve.

What if I strayed no further, but chose here?

    • He doesn't end up choosing that casket, but Arragon does. They both get sent home, and Portia ends up marrying a poor gentleman below her station.
  • In The Taming of the Shrew, Gremio believes he's entitled to Bianca because a) he's her father's neighbor, b) he was suitor first, and c) he's rich.

Video Games

  • In Umineko no Naku Koro ni, George confesses that he used to be this sort of guy, assuming he should be more popular with women because he "treated them well" and that he wasn't because they have bad taste in men and prefer jerks. He hit a turning point when he realized that Battler was getting more attention from Shannon and other girls not because he was a rude punk, but rather because he was an outgoing and genuine guy who didn't put up a "Nice Guy" front simply to win over girls. George admits in hindsight that his past behavior was pretty douchey and entitled, and he'd rather forget he was ever like that.
  • The protagonist of the game Next Station: "Mary should love me, I loved her so much and I was so niiice to her!"
  • In Persona 4, Adachi feels entitled to have both Mayumi Yamano and Saki Konishi (who is a high school student) because they both apparently date around. In Mayumi's case, she was dating a married man, but in Saki's case, it was an issue of misunderstanding. He kills them both.

Web Comics

  • Something Positive sums up the "Nice Guy" variety.
    • Oddly enough, a later storyline features a flashback to Davan in high school, where he has the same basic attitude about a girl he tutored. In this case it was his sister Dahlia who made him realize how his perspective was messed up.
  • Becca in Peter Is the Wolf is this, bordering on Yandere for Peter. The only thing holding her back is that wolf!Sarah is nearly twice her height and can fling Becca out of the way... or possibly worse. She's a partial deconstruction though -- her history of being regularly raped by her father gives her possessiveness to Peter a Freudian Excuse.

Web Original

  • Heartlessbitches.com portray this sense of entitlement as one of the biggest problems with self-defined "nice guys". Like, gee, thanks for not trying to rape us, but whining about how we owe you a pity-fuck isn't at all sexy or endearing either...
    • Are you fed up with your Male friends who are looking to date a woman with the appearance of a supermodel, and yet they continually whine about how "women don't like nice guys - they only want good-looking assholes"?
    • "Nice Guys" = Bleah!
    • The site itself is Rant Comedy, and actually far more reasonable then the name might come across as.
    • This piece also analyzes Type B and C Nice Guys.
  • This is generally what 'friendzone' memes come off as.
  • The Nostalgia Chick once had a long rant about what an asshole Todd in the Shadows was because he didn't "want her love and affection".
  • After Hours decided in The 9 Creepiest Things Movies Portray as Romantic that The Graduate Homage Shot can be summarized as this. There's a road-tested, ready to marry relationship but also a guy holding up a boom box that thinks he knows the bride better and will ruin everything for the groom and all the guests in the name of "true love."

Western Animation

  • Princess Looma in Ben 10: Omniverse with regards to Ben. Now in her defense, she did initially have the Tetramand legal system backing her[1], but even after she lost that, she kept harassing Ben and went so far as to invade Earth when it looked like Attea (another practitioner of this) was going to steal Ben away from her and never even stopped to consider Ben's own feelings, reacting with outrage whenever he suggested that he wasn't madly in love with her. In 3/4 of her appearances, Ben actually had a girlfriend.
  • In Superman: The Animated Series, the Kryptonian criminal Mala is freed from The Phantom Zone by Superman because he believes that she had been Just Following Orders from her superior, Jax-Ur, and that her sentence had long been served. He teaches her to use her powers under a yellow sun like he has, and she naturally assumes that since they are the last two Kryptonians, she and Superman are mates. When she discovers that Superman is not interested in her and, instead, wants Lois Lane (a squishy human), she is disgusted and enraged and releases Jax-Ur... who turns out to also be her lover.

Notes

  1. Ben defeated her in combat. By tribal Tetramand law, they're engaged.
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