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Funny moments from DBZ Abridged. WARNING: You might be here a while.

DBZ Abridged - Episodes 1-10

Episode 1

  • All of the farmer's lines, despite the fact that he only has about 4 of them in the entire series.

 Farmer: (notices spaceship crash on his farm in the distance) OH GOD NO, MY MARIJUANA PATCH! I mean uhhh, my carrot patch. Uh... YEAH.(approaches crashed spaceship) Guess I'll do what any sensible Middle American would do in this situation (pulls out rifle): GIT MAH GUN! (Notices Raditz getting out of his ship) HOLY CRAP, IT'S SONIC THE HEDGEHOG! Oh wait, no... Its an alien! HOLY S***, IT'S AN ALIEN!

Raditz: Now I have arrived on this dead plane-f oh wait, it's not dead. Did Kakarot screw this up again? I knew we should have sent Turles.

Farmer: (thinking) I better think of something cool to say to make him stop... (shouting) HEY YOU! (thinking again) Genius, farmer... Genius.

Raditz: Isn't that cute? He thinks he's people. What's your power level? Five, huh?

Farmer: (shoots) PROTECT ME, GUN!

Raditz: (catches the bullet) No! Bad human! Bad. (Flicks it back)

Farmer: Damn it, I voted for Bush.

Raditz: Now get up and say you're sorry. (Farmer doesn't move) Human? Huuuman? (sighs) So this is why dad said I couldn't keep Appule.

    • For added hilarity, this troper always thought he said "a pool." Because it seemed like something Raditz would have said, with Bardock looking frustrated and annoyed at him.
  • Goku meeting Raditz.

 Goku: So what are you here for? The Dragon Balls?

Raditz:The...the Dragon's what?

Goku: The Dragon Balls, you know? There are seven of them? They grant you any wish you want? Like immortality.

Oolong: Or Bulma's panties.

[Cut to some alien bug planet]

Nappa: Hey Vegeta did you hear that?

Vegeta: Oh yeah, we're totally going to go to Earth to get our wish.

Nappa: Yeah we're going to get panties!... I mean immortality. Immortality is what I meant. Right Vegeta?

Vegeta: Just get in the damn pod, Nappa.

 Bulma: Hey I'm here.

Krillin: BOOBS! I mean, Bulma... Hi!

Bulma: Oooooooookaaaaaaaay.

  • Piccolo and Tom. That is all.

 Piccolo: Why should I help you?

Goku: I'll friend you on My Space.

(beat, followed by a cut to the two flying)

Piccolo: Tom, you've been replaced.

Episode 2

Raditz, Goku, and Piccolo in Episode 2:

 Raditz: Aha! Attacking an opponent up to four times your strength in a one-on-one battle. A cunning strategy... no, no, not cunning. What's the opposite of that?

Piccolo: (offscreen) Retarded?

Raditz: That's it, thank you! Now, disregarding the Namekian, I-

Goku: Ah- [he's] a Yoshi.

Piccolo: (offscreen) I'm not a goddamn Yoshi!

Goku: But you said you were!

Piccolo: (offscreen) It's called sarcasm!

Goku: What's that taste like?

Piccolo: (offscreen) DAMMIT Goku!!

    • "DAMN YOU, HINDSIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!!"
      • Bleh.
    • Right after Goku dies:

 Krillin: Holy crap. (cheerfully): I'm not the first person to die in this series!

Roshi: Krillin!

Krillin: What?

Roshi: Too Soon!

  • Piccolo mentally singing Mahna Mahna while Goku "distracts" Raditz.

Episode 3

  • King Yemma's rant about his (Mahogany!) desk.

 King Yemma: And not just any mahogany! But mahogany from the planet of Malchior 7! Where the trees are 300 feet tall and breathe fire! From these trees this desk was forged 2,000 years ago, using ancient blood rituals of the ancient Malchior people! Not only does this make my desk nigh indestructable, but it can bend the fabric of the universe itself! Also, it's a very fine material. Very expensive.

Kami: Oh...kay.

King Yemma: It's mahogany.

Episode 4

 Goku: Have you guys seen my brother Raditz around here? Spiky hair...tail?

Mez: Ach, yes, he made a horrible mess of ze blood fountain.

Goku: Looks fine to me.

Goz: IT USED TO BE WATER!

Episode 5

  • Meanwhile, Back in episode 5,

 Guru: Nail... Nail!

Nail: What is it, Lord Guru?

Guru: I saw a fish. That is all. Go back outside now.

    • And later,

 Guru: NAAAIL!

Nail(obviously angry): WHAT!

Guru: I saw a bird. It was pretty. Kick its ass.

 Arlian: You have freed our race! We shall erect statues of you...

Nappa: Well, isn't that nice of them, Vegeta?

Arlian: ...Out of our dung!

Nappa: (beat) Well, isn't that nice of them, Vege-

Vegeta: We're leaving, Nappa.

Nappa: 'Kay.

  • Absolutely anything Mr. Popo says.

 Kami: Mr. Popo, where did you send them?

Popo: I'll tell you where they're not: safe.

    • Hell, the first time he speaks:

 Popo: Alright maggots, listen up. Popo's 'bout to teach you the pecking order: it goes you, the dirt, the worms inside the dirt, Popo's stool, Kami; and Popo. Any questions?

Krillin: Uh, yeah, I- (cut to outside shot of lookout as sounds of fighting can be heard, followed by a black dot falling off said lookout) AAAAAAAGGGGGHHHH! (Krillin Owned Count: 3)

Popo: Enjoy the climb back up, bitch. Any more questions? (silence) Good. Then we can begin.

    • Everything he says in episode 11.
    • Or episode 24.

 Kami: Mr.Popo, what are you watering?

Mr.Popo: Pot.

Kami: Pots of what?

Mr.Popo: Pot. (beat) I'm not getting rid of it.

Kami: Are you kidding? That shit's great for my glaucoma.

Episode 6

  • Freeza the Wiki vandal:

  Stupid monkeys hit by falling rocks (not deathball thrown by Freeza). Ahahahahahahaha! P.S.: Freeza rules you!

  • Popo's last comments for the Z fighters after they've completed their training are hilariously blunt.

Episode 7

  • Here's a little fact from Namek: Namekains may be powerful fighters, but they have one weakness: they don't have penises!

 Nappa: Look, Vegeta! A Namekian!

Krillin: Hey, I take offense to that!

Piccolo: He was referring to me, you idiot! And it's not a insult. The Namekians are a fine, proud race of...

Nappa: That means he doesn't have a penis.

(Vegeta and Nappa snicker off-screen, as Piccolo stands embarrassed.)

Vegeta: Eunuchs.

  Krillin: Wait a second! Namekians don't HAVE penises!

    • And from Episode 22:

 Nail: Well Sir, if you're having a problem with our Customer Support you can call 1-800-eat-a-d*ck!

Super Kami Guru: We don't even have those!

    • When Nail instructs Piccolo on fusing, he tells the latter to put his on his chest...lower...lower...lower...little lower...

 Nail: Ahh, if we had junk you'd be gay right now!

Episode 8

  • When Nappa stops in mid air.

 Nappa: Vegeta!

Vegeta: What is it, Nappa!?

Nappa: I can fly.

Vegeta: (Stammering) ...Yes Nappa, yes you can.

Episode 9

  • Nappa and Vegeta's discussion at the start of the episode:

 Krillin: (With Nappa charging towards him) Wait, myturnmyturnMYTURN!

Nappa: (stops dead in his tracks)

Vegeta: Nappa, what are you doing?

Nappa: It's his turn, Vegeta. I have to wait for him.

Vegeta: Wha... I... uh... (nose starts to bleed)

Nappa: You okay, Vegeta?

Vegeta: Yes... just... just having an aneurysm out of sheer stupidity.

Nappa: Oh. (beat) I didn't think you were that stupid, Vegeta.

Vegeta: AAAAARRRRRRGGGGHGHHHH!!!!!!!

Vegeta: Nine minutes, eighteen seconds...nine minutes, eighteen seconds...

Nappa: What's that, Vegeta?

Vegeta: Happiest...moment...of...my life...

  • Krillin shows off his new technique:

 Krillin: HEY! Stop treating me like a joke dammit! I've got a new technique-- which I probably could've used earlier and maybe saved all of our friends' lives-- but that's beside the point! (charging a disc of energy in his hand) Get ready for my destructo disc!

Picollo: (barely alive) Laaame.

Krillin: Now, take THIS! (throws the disc at an angle, where it grinds across the ground before heading towards Nappa and Vegeta)

Nappa: Oooh! A frisbee Vegeta!

Vegeta: Nappa, no! It's a trick!

Nappa: But Vegeta... tricks are for kids.

Vegeta: ... You know what, Nappa? On second thought, catch it. Catch it with your teeth.

Nappa: Yay, like a doggy! (gets cut by the disc, which rebounds towards a small mountain) Ow!

Ricola guy: Riiicola-- (disc explodes, cutting off the mountain's top half) Oh goddammit! (mountain half falls and breaks into pieces)

  • Gohan loses his temper:

 Gohan: I'm gonna eviscerate you and use your gastrointestinal tract as a condom while I fornicate with your skull!

Nappa: [[[Beat]]] ...What?

Gohan: I'M GONNA SKULLF██K YOU!

    • Then, much later:

 Krillin: Breath, Gohan! You're a leaf. A leaf in a calm stream!

Gohan (pissed): F██K THE STREAM!

  • Krillin tells Goku about the fate of his friends:

 Goku: Where's Chaotzu?

Krillin: Oh, he's here... and there... and there... and there... and-

Gohan: Krillin!

Krillin: What?

Gohan: Too Soon!

  • Team Four Star presents their version of one of the most famous Memetic Mutations in anime history:

 Nappa: Vegeta! What does the scouter say about his power level?!

Vegeta: It's... one thousand and six.

Nappa: ...Really?

Vegeta: Yeah. Kick his ass, Nappa!

Nappa: Yaaaaay!

(Nappa gets his ass handed to him by Goku)

Nappa: (while Vegeta is delivering the below lines) My arm doesn't bend that way! MY ARM DOESN'T BEND THAT WAY! *snap* Aaw, now it does!

Vegeta: Hmmm... that doesn't seem right... wait, wait, wait wait! Nappa!

Nappa: (collapses at Vegeta's feet) Whaaaaat?!

Vegeta: I had the Scouter upside down. It's Over Nine Thousand. (calmly crushes Scouter) Rah.

Nappa: Why do you sound so bored?!

Vegeta: Because he's still not a threat.

Nappa: But-

Vegeta: To me.

 Nappa: Hey Vegeta, I'm a-firin' my BLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!

  • This episode ends with a surprisingly understated (yet hysterical) moment where Vegeta finally kills Nappa for his unrelenting stupidity at exactly nine minutes and eighteen seconds. His reaction is a simple smile.

Episode 10

 Goku: Are you okay in there?

Vegeta: Yeah, I'm fan-f***ing-tastic. Nothing but gumdrops and ice cream in here.

Goku: Oh, really? Can I come in too?

Vegeta: ...I'm surrounded by idiots.

Goku: I thought you were surrounded by gumdrops and ice cream!

Vegeta: {{[[[The Scream]] loudly screams out of frustration}}]

  Goku: What's going on, guys? We won, right?

  • When Goku and Vegeta are about to fight:

 Vegeta: It's like you're beef jerky and I'm Filet Mignon.

Goku: I like both those things!

Vegeta: ...I'm going to start beating you now. I don't know when I'll stop.

  • And later, Son Goku: squeaky toy.

 (Oozaru!Vegeta has Goku in his grasp)

Oozaru!Vegeta: Alright, Kakarot! Let's hear those bones shatter! (squeezes harder)

Goku: *squeaky*

Oozaru!Vegeta: ...What the?

Goku: *squeaky*

Oozaru!Vegeta: Oh my God! That's hilarious!

Goku: *squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky*

  • How about this one when Oozaru Gohan fights Vegeta:

 Goku: Gohan, this is daddy. I know you angry right now but you have to focus your anger.  R-remember Icarus? (shows Icarus and explosion) He did it.

Vegeta: Well that's Bulls***! I haven't killed a damn thing since I came to this godforsaken planet. (Looks at camera) Not from lack of trying, mind you.

  • But the crowning moment of them all came at the very end of the first season as a throwaway gag. "GHOST NAPPA!" [1]
    • Vegeta, at the end of episode 10, comes across an old friend, much to his horror

 Vegeta: "They've broken my body... I've failed in my mission to find the Dragon Balls... I even lost my tail... but, at least... it can't get any worse... from here..."

???: "Vegeta... Vegeeeeetaaaaa..."

Vegeta: "Wh-what?"

Nappa: [appears as a ghost] "I'mhauntingyou!"

Vegeta: NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

  • Vegeta when he loses his temper is always hilarious.

 Vegeta: SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR PLANET KAKAROT!!

Goku: Hey, that's not very nice!"

Vegeta: OF COURSE NOT, I'M F***ING EVIL!"

 Vegeta: Hey Kakarot, what's the opposite of Christopher Walken? (Crushes Goku's legs) CHRISTOPHER REEVE!

Goku: (in agony) That was in terrible taste.

Vegeta: Don't care! Evil!

  • The entire Kaio-ken running gag.

 Vegeta: I'm going to obliterate you, and the rest of this planet myself with my own two-

Goku: KAIO-KEN!

Vegeta: Kaio-what? (Punched repeatedly in the face, before breaking away the combo with a kick to the chin) Okay... not bad... but still nothing compared to me!

    • And again.

 Vegeta: I told you Kakarot! There's no way you can measure up to an elite like me! You're fighting a losing battle here. You might as well just surrender this pathetic planet now and-

Goku: KAIOKEN TIMES THREE!

Vegeta: Times wha-(PUNCH) GWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH! (sent flying and crashes into a mountain) This... proves... nothing...

 Vegeta: This is the end Kakarot! You don't stand a chance! I put all my power into this attack! Now perish... WITH THE REST OF YOUR PATHETIC WORLD!

Goku: KAIOKEN...

Vegeta: Noooo.....

Goku: ...TIMES...

Vegeta: No, no, no....

Goku: ...FOOOOUUUUR...

Vegeta: Nononononononono-(gets carried away by the blast)-FUUUUUUUUUUU-

      • Meanwhile, Back at the Plot:

  Vegeta: -UUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

    • Brought back again in Bardock: Father of Goku during a flash-forward.

 Goku: Kaio Ken!

Bardock: (Back in his own time) Kaio what? (Punched in the face by something completely different)

 Ginyu (in Goku's body): This is absurd! His power level was a league above my own when we fought! What the blazes is going on?!

Goku (in Ginyu's body): Ha ha! You don't know any of my techniques!

Ginyu: What techniques? Tell me!

Goku: I'm not gonna tell you how to use the Kaio-ken!

Ginyu: Kaio-wha-? (Kicked by Gohan and Krillin at the same time)

  • Vegeta getting hit in the face with a Solar Flare.

  "AAAAH. My eyes! Oh God, it's like walking in on Freeza in the shower. Wait a minute, Freeza's always naked - AAAAAAGGGGHHH!

    • This becomes even funnier in episode 15, when Dodoria is hit by a Solar Flare....And you can see a split second shot of Freeza's face PhotoShopped on a picture of a muscular man in the shower.
      • Also in general Vegeta getting hit in the eye.

 Vegeta:" Again with the f***ing eye!!"

Vegeta:" The eye! The eye! Why is always that goddamned eye!!??"

  • This Bit Before Vegeta's Transformation:

 Vegeta: Now watch, Kakarrot, as your life becomes inconsequential, as I reveal my GIANT MONKEY-

Crowd: (gasp)

Vegeta: FORM!

Crowd: (sighs of relief)

Random Guy in Crowd: Thank god I thought he meant penis!

DBZ Abridged - Episodes 11-20

Episode 11

  • Gohan's extreme calling out to his mother, Chi Chi in episode 11:

 Chi Chi: Well, all I know is that my little boy isn't going anywhere.

Gohan: Actually... Mom... I'm going to Namek.

Chi Chi (strained): As... I... Said. My little boy (now angry) ISN'T... GOING... ANYWHERE!!

Gohan: But, mom! Piccolo died for me! It's my responsibility!

Chi Chi: Gohan, I am your mother! And as your mother, you will listen to me and you will do as I say!

Gohan: But that's not...

Chi Chi: Did you carry around a baby in you for nine months...WITH A MAN WHO LITERALLY THOUGHT YOU HAD CINNA-BUNS HIDDEN IN YOUR SHIRT?!

Gohan: But I...

Chi Chi: Now you are going to lay in this hospital bed! Recover like a normal boy! And then, you're going right back to your advanced trig classes, AND THAT IS THE LAST WE WILL...!

Gohan (pissed): SHUT YOUR F**KING FACE!!!

(Pause)

Gohan (calm): I'll be going to Namek now.

Chi Chi (calm, too): You best. (slams door as she leaves the hospital)

  • Goku's failed attempt at borrowing Popo's magic flying carpet.

  Mr. Popo: "MAKIN' TOAST! [...] BUTTERIN' TOAST!"

  • Season 2 gives us Goku's reaction to Popo.

Episode 12

  • Krillin's inner monologue at the start of the episode:

 Krillin: Krillin's Log, stardate...uh...November 28th. We've been flying for two weeks now, and I'm starting to feel very tensed up. Not just for being trapped on the ship of course, but from Bulma walking around in nothing but her underwear! I would relieve this tension, but I've had no alone time SINCE THE TOLIET KEEPS SCREAMING AT ME!! I'm not sure how much longer I can last...

Bulma: Krillin, are you saying something?

Krillin: Nothing! <muttering> God-damned <beep>!!

  • Vegeta realizing how anyone might have found out about the dragon balls.

  That's impossible, my transmitter was off the entire time! Whose scouter was... (eyes focus, cuts away to him riding a space pod screaming:) GODDAMMIT NAPPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Episode 13

  • Roshi: (On the telephone) "Could you speak up? I'm not wearing any pants."
  • Every line uttered by Krillin in this episode.

 (After successfully hiding from the onslaught of Freeza's forces.)

(after bing asked several times if he felt Freeza and his men's power levels) Krillin: Yes Gohan, I noticed! On the bright side, I no longer have to pee anymore.

  • After dealing with Bulma being a total cocktease on the ship, Krillin... 'releases some tension and takes ten whole minutes for it. When Bulma goes into the cave to set up camp...

 Bulma: "Oh God, it's everywhere!!"

 

 Narrator: A new evil has revealed its face. Who are these mysterious enemies, and do Gohan and Krillen stand a chance? The answers to these questions will be revealed... right now. Zarbon, Dadoria, Freeza, and Oh My, No.

Krillen: Wait, wha-"

(credits)


Episode 14

  • In Episode 14...

 Krillin: QUACK!!

    • Oh, the joke goes much farther than that. Originally, in order to avoid being caught by Dodoria, Krillin pretends to be a space duck by yelling "Quack!" over and over. After being caught, he yells a parting quack as he and Gohan take Dende away. Much later on, Goku arrives on Namek. As he goes on about the planet's beauty and splendor, he hears Krillin's anguished cries of pain... and thinks it's a space duck. He only catches on to the plight when Krillin gives out a pathetic "Quack".
      • When Freeza appears after Porunga is summoned, Krillin tries to fool him into beleiving he is a Space Duck... While he's standing directly in front of Freeza.

 Freeza: Well Vegeta, you've finally pulled it off. You've managed to dash my hopes entirely... With some help, I see...

Krillin: QUACK!

Gohan: Krillin, seriously not helping.

Krillin: I can try...

  • Every response from Freeza and co. when the Namekian villagers did something to anger them.

 Namekian Elder: "Why are you here? Why are you killing our people?"

Freeza: "Well I was just in the neighborhood, thought this was a lovely place for a summer home- Oh what the f*** do you think I'm here for!?"

Namekian Elder: "Our Trees?"

Freeza: "...Zarbon, two or three more."

Zarbon: "Two or three more?"

Freeza: "Two or three more."

  • Freeza making a mental list of every heroic speech he hears.

 Namekian: We're going... to... f*** your face!

Freeza: [laughs] Oh my! Twelve.

Episode 15

  • Vegeta's reaction to Dodoria's true gender:

 Vegeta: What.

Dodoria: I said I am a woman!!

*Beat*

Vegeta: WHAT!?!?!

    • What compounds the hilarity is that the second "What" sounds like (and probably is) Lanipator's real voice.
      • And this:

  Dodoria: And that's why I was considered the most beautiful, and fertile, woman on my home planet. Before Freeza blew it up.

Later...

Dodoria: W-w-wait! You and I... we could team up against Freeza! Rule the Universe! ... As husband and wife.

Episode 16

  • The beginning of episode 16. The audience knows what's about to happen, and the happy music and cheerful outlook of the Namekians make the coming slaughter of them by Vegeta all the more hilarious.
  • Anything Guru said in the episode 16...

 Guru: "Nail, I have a bitch of an itch on my left ass cheek."

[...]

Guru: [seeing Krillin] Naaaaaail. There is an albino Namekian in here. Kill it like the rest.

Krillin: Actually sir, I'm from Earth.

Guru: ...Kill it like the rest.

[...]

Guru: [Take the Dragon Ball]. Just don't steal the TV.

Nail: Sir, we... we don't have a television.

Guru: .... Naaaaail. Gather the rest of the Dragon Balls and wish for a plasma TV.

Nail: Sir, that would be a grievous misuse of their power.

Guru: I'm about to misuse my hand upside your heeeeaaaad!

[...]

Guru: So, the son of Katat has passed. Unfortunate.

Krillin: We just called him 'Kami'.

Guru: Oh, so he calls himself 'God'. Pretentious prick. Nail.

Nail: What?

Guru: I shall henceforth be known as: Super Kami.

Nail: Yes, Super Kami.

Guru: No, wait- Super Kami Guru.

Nail: Can I just call you Guru for short?

Guru: Super Kami Guru allows this.

  • This exchange:

 Krillin: Aw, you made a friend, Little Green? Oh, I know, I'm gonna call you "Big Green"!

Nail: Call me that again and I'll snap your neck.

Krillin: With that attitude, I don't think you should be friends with him, Little Green.

Nail: Listen, I don't care where you come from or who you are, I will not put up with such disrespe-

Guru: BIG GREEEEN! Get in here...

Nail Big Green (irritated): Oh, good... goddamnit!

Episode 17

  • From episode 17:

  Vegeta: I've got a lovely bunch of dragon balls, dodododoodo, here they are all sitting in a bunch, do doo do. One Star, Two Star, all as big as my head! Give em a toss, a planet across, that's how Vegeta wins BU-BYE!

    • And after that, him hiding in the water, complete with submarine noises:

  Vegeta: Later, bitches. *awoooga! awoooga!*

    • The glorious return of Ghost Nappa:

  'Ghost Nappa: (whistles) Is this thing on? Is it on? (tuning noises) OK, there we go! A-HA-HEM!! You are now thinking about what Zarbon did to you while you were unconscious. Have fun with that.

 Freeza: Ginyu, quick; double time! Zarbon really screwed the pooch on this one!

Zarbon: Lord Freeza! Vegeta's really giving us a pounding!

Freeza: I'm coming Zarbon! Quick, grab my balls!

Ginyu Force: (Laughter)

    • Krillin (and later Gohan): "I got a Dragon Ball!"
    • Bulma being distracted by Zarbon.

 Bulma: Oh my God he's so hot! I just want to grab him and --

(Cut to Goku doing upside-down crunches)

Goku: -sixty nine, seventy, seventy-

Vegeta: -one time you've defeated me, Zarbon. And that's one time too many.

    • Then Bulma's reaction to transformed Zarbon: KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!
    • Goku: "I'm gonna beat someone up!" and "I'm gonna beat him up!" and "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!"
    • Zarbon is straight and acts really surprised if someone calls him gay. And even so, Zarbon still acts like he's gay.

 Freeza: Oh... and all this time I could've sworn you were- ...never mind.

Zarbon: What? You thought I was single?

Freeza: Well, no, I just... I thought you were into... you know, it really doesn't matter.

Zarbon: Well it matters to me, because, frankly it sounds like you thought I was-

Random Minion: Lord Freeza! Vegeta's broken out of the healing-TAAAAANK! (dies by ki blast)

Freeza: Oh no, that minion died. Could you go fix that? We'll continue this conversation never.

      • Vegeta's final words to Zarbon as he prepares to shoot a hole through his stomach. Doubly funny due to Zarbon's confused expression:

 Vegeta: Let me put this in a way you'll understand; I'm about to blow my load all over your insides.

Zarbon: What the-

Vegeta: -No homo. [Va-VOOM].

      • And then what he says after he dies:

 Vegeta: Freaky Alien Genotype.

    • This scene, especially the expressions Zarbon and Freeza have at the end of it.

 Freeza: APPULE?! You left Appule here?!

Zarbon: Well I thought he could handle it!

Freeza: Appule couldn't handle a shot of raspberry schnapps, much less Vegeta!

  • King Kai's telepathic "call" to Goku.

 King Kai: Hello Goku? Do you hear me? I swear to God, if this is George Takei again, I'm gonna shove a brick up the Verizon guy's ass!

Goku: King Kai?

    • King Kai then proceeds to order Goku to stay away from Freeza, warning him about his incredible power. Goku gets more and more excited about the prospect of fighting him until King Kai makes Goku promise not to do so.

 Goku: Oh all right. I absolutely promise not to...click beeeeeeeeeeeeeee...

King Kai: What the-

Goku:...eeeeeeee *gasp* eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-

King Kai: He... he hung up on me! How the hell did he even do that?!? Damn it, I'll call him back! *dialing sounds* Goku, I swear to god I will ride your ass on this one!

George Takei: Oh my!

King Kai: DAMN IT, TAKEI!

  • The exchange between Zarbon and Appule:

 Zarbon: Why isn't he naked?

Appule: Luckily we... what.

Zarbon: In the healing tank. I always thought you needed to be nude.

Appule: Wh-... why would you think that?

Zarbon: You know, to... absorb all the healing... juices.

Appule: ...

Zarbon: ...Well, it looks like you have everything under control here! (quickly takes his leave)

Appule: ...Freaks me the f*** out.

    • Guru telling Dende how old he is in the stinger:

 Dende: Guru sir, I have a question.

Guru: Ask away.

Dende: You've been around for so long. Just how old are you?

Guru: I am this many. [doesn't move]

Dende: You didn't raise your hand.

Guru: THAT'S HOW OLD I AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!!!

Episode 18

  • In episode 18: Vegeta discovers the Dragonball he hid away is missing. This irritates him.
    • On that same note, the fact that his scream can be heard by Goku in space, King Yemma in the afterlife (who mistakes it for his ex-wife) and TRUNKS TWENTY YEARS IN THE FUTURE ON ANOTHER PLANET IN AN ALTERNATE TIMELINE.

 Trunks: Daddy?

 Vegeta: God, I love it when a plan comes together! Took some time, effort, and lots of bodies, but now it's mine. Immortality is my bitch! Now, it should be right here...riiiight here... Where the hell is it? It couldn't have gone anywhere... All right, I'm going to close my eyes, and when I open them up it's going to be right here- it's not here. Why isn't it here!? I don't get it! Who could've-?! The kid! But, how could he have found it, it was- Wait. That watch...that watch wasn't a watch at all! It was some kind of Dragon Ball locator! Which means...which means...!

Ghost Nappa: He took the Dragon Ball.

  • The whole "I need an adult" running gag

 Gohan: So, uh, can I help you?

Vegeta: (gently puts his hand on Gohan's face) No... But maybe I can help you.

Gohan: Uh... I need an adult...

Vegeta: I am an adult. (Knees him in the stomach)

Vegeta: By the way, I only hit you because I have pent up aggression against your father. Take that. (flies away)

    • Later...

 Krillin: Gohan, I'll be getting you to Guru's now.

Gohan: What? Why?

Krillin: So the old man can touch you, and pull things out of you that you never knew you had.

Gohan: ...I need an adult?

Krillin: I am an adult.

    • Later still...

 Guru: Now, relax as I reach deep inside you and grab hold of your essence.

Gohan: I... need an adul-

Guru: I AM AN ADUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU- (cuts away)

      • While it doesn't feature the "I need an adult" phrase, the joke leading up to it is pretty hilarious too.

 Gohan: Mr. Guru, sir? My friend Krillin told me that you could help us by... touching me.

Guru: Do I look Catholic to you?

  • This exchange between Nail and Vegeta:

 Nail: Hello? Can I ... help you with something?

Vegeta: Yeah, the first thing you can do is go die, save me the trouble.

Nail: Ooh! Ooh! Is this really happening? 'cause I really hope it is.

Vegeta: (laughs) Oh trust me, you don't want any of what I am now.

Nail: Then come on, bring on all four feet of you. Or should I count your stupid hair?

Vegeta: Pretty big talk coming from a bipedal slug.

Nail: Pretty big talk coming from a bipedal bitch.

 Krillin: (In response to why he didn't stop Vegeta from taking a Dragon Ball) I don't know! Maybe you could've bitched at him! How 'bout that? That's all you appear to be good for these days! Huh? Used your bitch fu on him? Bulma, the mistress of bitching, that's what they should call you!

    • After the Vegeta and Gohan scene:

 Krillin: Seriously! Five ancient sages of bitchdom all gathered one day on the peaks of Mount Bitch to proclaim your birth! And a hundred years later, when all the bitch stars have aligned, you were born and made everybody's life around you a living hell, because YOU! ARE SUCH! A BITCH!

  • The long-awaited arrival of the Ginyu Force:

 Vegeta: Besides Freeza, I'm the most powerful being on this planet! Bar none.

Guru: Heeeey. Just thought I'd let you all know I detect several high power levels approaching the planet.

Vegeta: What!? Several high power levels?

Guru: There are five of them in total.

Vegeta: Five of them!?

Guru: And they're all INCREEEEEDIBLY FLAMBOYANT!

Vegeta: OH GOD! IT'S THEM!!

  • Vegeta after he finally catches up with Krillin. He can't speak coherently, his eyes are bloodshot, and he's yelling at Ghost Nappa.

 Vegeta: I-am-here-for-it.

Krillin: For what?

Vegeta: Dragon- ball. I- need- that Dragonball. Give it to me. The-one-you-took. I Need my wish.

Krillin: (scared) Are... you okay?

Ghost Nappa: I think your rage broke Vegeta.

Vegeta: SHUT UP GHOST OF NAPPA!

Krillin: What was that?

Vegeta: I'MNOTCRAZY!! YOU'RE CRAZY! Especially you, Nappa!

Ghost Nappa: Eeeeey!

Krillin: Who are you talking t-

Vegeta: Dragonball. Hand now, please!

  • When Vegeta regains his wits, Krillin blabs about Guru's ability to release untapped potential.

 Vegeta: I'm going to pay him a... uh... what do you call it?

Krillin: A visit?

Vegeta: A beating! That's it! Gunna to go pay him a beating.

  • The entire end of Episode 18, with Goku trying to think of what to drink.

 Beer: No, it's too early to get crunk.

Powerthirst: Ehh, energy drinks just don't do it for me anymore.

Peanuts: Ha ha, I can't drink these, these are nuts!

TFS Soda: This looks good! And it's high in Calcium! Team Four Star Soda!

  • Every time Guru shouts at Nail, especially when Nail is preparing to pulverize Vegeta.

 Guru: Naaaaaail!!! Stop making out with your boyfriend! I can hear it from here! It sounds like (gagging and slurping noises)

Nail: (pissed)Thank you, lord Guru!

  • When Gohan arrives with Vegeta's Dragonball in episode 18:

 Gohan: You guys, I think we should move to a new location.

Krillin: Why? What's wrong with this place?

Gohan: Because we have ten minutes before Vegeta finds out I stole this (Dragonball)

Krillin: (Terrified, high-pitched whimpering noises as Gohan smiles sweetly)

Bulma hating the fact that she's always getting abandoned on Namek.

 Bulma: Oh no, no no no! I am not letting yo abandon me here again! Those bitches on Lifetime might put up with it, but not me!

Krillin: Bulma, you're right. You have been very helpful and very patient with us. So in return...we'relettingyouwatchthedragonballbye! (He and Gohan fly off)

Bulma: I will kill you both in your sleep!

Episode 19

  • The Wheel of Death routine from episode 19. Even funnier because this is exactly what the Ginyu Force would do with enough time and preparation. Then there's Vegeta's reaction.

 Vegeta: When did you have time to set this up?! Is- is that a camera? What kind of sadistic retard watches this crap?!

Freeza: Love this show.

 Vegeta Look at your men, now back to me, now look back at your men, now back to me. I am not your men! I'm flipping you off! Look at the ground, back to me. Where is the Dragonball? It's gone! I threw it! And there's not a damn thing you can-

(Burter returns the Dragon Ball to Ginyu)

Burter: Here you go, boss.

Ginyu: Thank you, Burter.

Burter: It's what I do!

Vegeta: But... I... I chucked that son of a bitch as hard as I could!

Burter: Oh, you can't beat my speed! I'm the fastest in the universe!

Krillin: That's what she said!

  • While Vegeta's spouting off various ways of saying they're going to die:

 Super Kami Guru: Naaaaaaaiiillll! Slap him.

(Slap is heard)

Krillin: Ow!

Super Kami Guru: Thank you.

    • Even more hilarious from behind the scenes since both Krillin and Vegeta are voiced by the same guy.
  • Vegeta's reaction to Krillin deciding to call them "Team Three Star."

 Vegeta: What.

Krillin: Well, we're a TEAM, there's THREE of us, and the Dragon Balls have STARS on them! Team Three Star!

Vegeta: That just makes me want to kill you even more, and you're STILL only the second most annoying bald person I ever had the displeasure to work with.

Krillin: Team Three Star, MOVE OUT! *flies away*

Vegeta: I swear to god...! *flies after him*

    • Later in the same episode, after Krillin has messed up again.

 Ginyu: Supposedly there are seven (Dragon Balls) in total, if my report is correct. And the other five are-?

Krillin: (scared, shouts out quickly) RIGHT-BEHIND-YOU!

Vegeta: My GOD man, you just can not-!

Krillin: (still running his mouth quickly) ShutupwhenImscared,Iknow! IoncegotacrushonalittleindianboythatIthoughtwasagirl.

Vegeta: Please kill him. Seriously, he won't be missed.

 Vegeta (with a menacing tone): Hello, Earth woman.

(Bulma stammers with fear.)

Vegeta: You know what I want. Now, give it to me!

Bulma (scared): The... the Dragonball's right there.

Vegeta: Oh, I'm not here for the Dragonball.

Bulma: Wha... what?

Vegeta: Spread 'em!

(Bulma, with fear, prepares herself, then falls down back to reality as Krillin unties the Dragonball to her foot.)

Krillin (with a quick tone): Takin' the Dragonball! Bitch at me later! (flies off)

Vegeta: Your hair looks stupid! (flies off)

Gohan: Sorry, Bulma! (flies off)

Bulma (pissed): ALL OF MY HATE!

 Krillin Gohan! Did you see? His power, he can-!

Gohan Stop time?

Krillin Summon steamrollers!

Gohan (dumbfounded) Y-You sure?

Krillin Positive!

 "Son of a gum-chewing funk monster! Why the fruit does all this funny stuff happen to me? Forget my life! Always surrounded by miserable failing clods! It's like this whole world just likes to bend me over and find me in the Alps! Like I'm some sort of sh lock receptacle! Well as far as I care, these miserable cows can have a fancy barbecue, WITH A GODDAMN PIG!"

Jeice: Sorry captain, this scouter's acting a bit shonky.

 Vegeta: Throw dog biscuits at him.

Krillin: How will that help?

Vegeta: I'll find it hilarious.

    • And finally, Guldo's Facing the Bullets One-Liner, as he realises he is dying, and begins to contemplate his afterlife and what it all means... before Vegeta throws another dog biscuit at him.

 Guldo: ...I f***ing hate you.

Vegeta: I know. [VA-VOOM]

Episode 20

  • The Ginyu Force mourns Guldo.

 Jeice: Oy... is that Guldo? I think he's dead!

Recoome: How tragic.

Beat

Burter: Not telling the captain, 1-2-3, not it!

Recoome: Not it!

Jeice: Not it- Oh, wankers.

 Vegeta: Wrestling's fake. (boos and jeers) Oh, go to hell, all of you! And if it means getting this damn thing over with, then I'm just going to have to kill your ass! Now hit my music.

Vegeta: Oh, the f*** with this!

  • While it might be funny only to wrestling fans, Jeice using "slobberknocker" and "vintage" while commentating is quite hilarious.
  • This bit after Krillin got owned for the 12th time:

 Krillin: HELLO GOHAN, HAVE YOU DONE YOUR HOMEWORK BECAUSE IF YOU DIDN'T CHI CHI WILL KICK MY ASS!

Gohan: Ah, are you okay?

Krillin: Yeah, seems he threw my nervous system out of whack, there. Can't quite feel the pain!

(Beat)

Krillin: There it is! AAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOWWWWW...

  • Dende feeling sad that he's one of the few Namekians alive.

 Guru: (monotone singing) Every party needs a pooper, that's why they invited you. Party pooper. Party pooper.

Nail: Lord Guru...

Guru: WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE.

  • "Silly Vegeta! The only thing Recoome sells, is merchandise!" *Cue images of merchandise with Recoome on them popping up, including a vibrator with his head*
  • After Gohan and Krillin have saved Vegeta by forcing Recoome's mouth shut while he was using his Breath Weapon:

 Recoome: (his mouth is all messed up) Can Recoome get a mirror? He feels like he might have chipped a tooth.

Krillin: (offscreen) Dear God, what happened to your face?!

  • The entire Spacey's skit. It's good food. In Space.

DBZ Abridged - Episodes 21-

Episode 21

  • "WE GET IT! YOU'RE FROM SPACE AUSTRALIA!!!"
  • Episode 21, Jeice getting punched in the face over and over again is enough to make you fall down laughing.
    • Especially when he tries to think about what Ginyu said to do in that situation...only for Goku to punch him again mid-flashback. Jeice then holds his face and screams "Oh, he cut off the captain!"
    • Jeice can't rely on his squadmates either:

 Jeice: Alright, you bastard! Prepare to face the wrath of the Ginyu For*punch* AHH! You goddamn wanker! You punched me right in the*punch* Ah, he did it again! *punch* Ahh! Stop it! Stop it! *punch* PISS!!! Oh... what would the captain do in this situation?!

Ginyu: Jeice, if you ever find yourself being punched repeatedly in the face, always remember to*punch*

Jeice: Oh, he cut off the captain!

Goku: So, are you going to dodge any of these?

Jeice: Ohhh, THAT'S what the Captain*punch* BURTER! SUPPORT!!

Burter: Well, you've got very lovely hair, you're a beautiful shade of red, and honestly, you're the only guy I can rely on on this team.

'Jeice: I MEANT PUNCH 'IM, YA DAFT BASTARD!! AGGH! Oh, but thanks, you know? That really cheered me*punch*"GOD, I THINK HE BROKE SOMETHING THAT TIME!!"

    • Jeice and Burter have a touching display of camaraderie, showing how good friends they are and promising to go out drinking once its all over, the music swells... and Goku one-shots Burter.
  • Freeza's rant: "I can't believe we came all the way out here and spent a week in the Space Boonies for nothing! Seriously, I'm surprised we didn't hear banjos on the way, because everyone is inbred and LOOKS THE F***ING SAME! Not to mention I lost Dodoria and Zarbon, the latter of whom spent 400 credits making long-distance calls to his girlfriend, WHO I AM CONVINCED IS NAMED CHUCK!"
  • This.

 Freeza: (After Ginyu has brought him the Dragon balls and finished the Dance of Joy, which was authorized by Freeza's father) Now, let's wish me some immortality!

Ginyu: Not quite yet, Lord Freeza. Lastly, I must complete the "Daddy's Little Princess" dance!

Freeza: (indignant) My father would command no such thing!

Ginyu: You are correct, Lord Freeza!

Freeza: Very well.

Ginyu: It was your brother!

Freeza: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH-

    • After the Dragon Balls don't work.

 Ginyu: "Might I suggest the dance of cheering you up?"

Freeza: "...proceed."

      • "And now, the Dance of Solitude!"
  • "You think that's bad? If you hit 'em hard enough you can play a song." Cue Vegeta playing the Tetris theme by repeatedly kneeing Burter in the throat.
  • Vegeta's Renegade Interrupt.
  • Gohan is fed a senzu bean. a green 9999 appears over his head and the healing ding plays.
  • "Silly Gohan! Animals don't eat people - people eat animals! Silly Gohan!"
  • Vegeta's excuse about being so beat up:

 Goku: So Vegeta, what happened to you? Did you get beat up by this guy? (talking about Recoome)

Recoome: *groaning in pain*

Vegeta: (stammering) Uhhh no...I..umm...uh..

Ghost Nappa: You fell down some stairs.

Vegeta: I fell down some stairs.

Krillin: No you didn't, you-

Vegeta: Shut up before I throw you down a flight!

Episode 22

  • Episode 22: Another great Guru line - "And so I tell him, 'I don't care who you are, now clean my jowls!' ...And that was Nail's first day on the job." Then, after Guru unlocks Dende's potential, Dende leaves. Guru's response? "Thaaaat SLUUUUUUUUUTTT!!"
    • Also from 22:

 Guru: NNAAAAAIIIILLLL! Do we have a visitor?

Nail: Yes sir.

Guru: NNNNAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIILLLLLL! Take his coat.

Freeza: I don't have a coat.

Nail: He doesn't have a coat sir. [looks at Freeza] And I believe this is the guy who basically just killed our whole race.

Guru: [sounding a bit annoyed] NNNNNNAAAAAAIIIIILLLLLLL. Don't take his coat.

    • KILLING CRABS! IN THE OCEAN!

 Krillin: "When the dragon balls are all put together, the sky grows darker than the blackest void!"

Popo: (on Earth) "Hm?"

    • Later, when Freeza is going to Guru:

 Freeza: (passing Dende) "Good afternoon."

Dende: "It's morning. (Douche.)"

Freeza: "Cute kid. Seems familiar."

    • "Oh god. NATURAL LIGHT!"
    • "I utilize these poses as a means of reinvigorating my men and raising morale. HOW DARE YOU MOCK THEM!"
    • Ginyu meeting Goku

 Jeice: That's him, Captain! That's the one who beat us up!

Ginyu: What?! Just look at HIS hair! He looks like he just got out of bed! For goodness sake, Jeice, he's even wearing pajamas.

Jeice: I swear it's him, sir. He picked us apart one by one. We never stood a cha--

[Goku punches Jeice.]

Jeice: OH, THAT'S JUST NOT FAIR!

Ginyu: Jeice, what have I told you?

  • Nail again demonstrating his aptitude at passive-aggressive trash talk:

 Freeza: You see, I recently acquired what you people referred to as Dragon Balls, but I'm having trouble getting them to do what I want.

Nail: Did you try working the shaft?

Freeza: ...Classy.

    • Which leads too...

 Guru: Naaail, what does he want?

Nail: He wants to know how to use the Dragon Balls.

Guru: Did you tell him to try working the shaft?

Nail: Yes, Lord Guru.

Guru: Good work, Nail.

  • After Freeza sees Guru for the first time:

 Freeza: Good Lord! I was lead to believe your species survived almost entirely on water! How is he so fat?!

Guru: Oh, hello. I'm Super Kami Guru. And I'm the guy who is not judging you on your appearance.

 Captain Ginyu: Did (Recoome) at least die with dignity?

(Cut to Recoome lying face down on the ground, his naked ass in the air. Buzzing flies are heard.)

Jeice: Err...Define "dignity", Cap'n.

  • This exchange:

 Jeice: Well, cap'n, if you're getting stressed, you could always... ya know...

Ginyu: Jeice! This is hardly the time nor the place. Besides, I already did it in the pod on the way here.

Jeice: ...I meant switch bodies, sir...

Episode 23

  • Krillin and Gohan discussing why the Namekian Dragon Balls aren't working.

 Gohan: Maybe there's something special about Namekian Dragon Balls.

Krillin: Maybe if I sing to it. I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves-

Gohan: -Actually Krillin I was thinking something else. Maybe the only way to summon it is to call it in its native language.

Krillin: I don't speak German! And the only person I know that does was the toilet... and it's dead. God rest his seat.

  • Bulma calling out Krillin and Gohan on leaving her alone all the time, and Krillin pointing out the logic of her problem:

 Bulma: Why?! Why would you leave me alone here?! I don't know this place! Did you know there are giant crabs down there?! I do! I KILLED ONE!

Krillin: Okay, Bulma, just calm down. Why are you upset?

Bulma: Why?! Because I am always alone!

Krillin: And if we were to stay here, what would that accomplish?

Bulma: ...just take the f***ing radar.

Krillin: Thank you, Bulma. Say "Thank you", Gohan.

Gohan: Thank you, Bulma.

Bulma: No problem, Gohan.

Krillin: And no problem...

Bulma: Shove it!

Krillin: I'll take it.

    • Also in episode 23:

 Freeza: (to Nail) Oh, I know. How bout a good old-fashioned joke? How many Namekians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Their whole race. One to screw in the lightbulb, and the rest to die. And then the other one dies too.

  Freeza: So. We've been flying for about twenty minutes now. Got any family? Because if so I probably killed them.

      • "Stop ignoring me."
    • Vegeta imagining himself yelling "Team Three Star" just before breaking Krillin's neck.

  "Amazing."

  • Two soldiers talking about the Wilhelm scream and trying to imitate it. Vegeta then knocks one to his death, which makes him do the real deal.

 Soldier: Dude, that was totally it! (dies, emitting the scream as well)

    • Made even funnier when after that, everyone else very clearly also has a stock scream... of Team Fortress 2 characters. Also after the slaughter:

 Vegeta: (jumping into Freeza's base, deadpan) Weeeeeeee.

  • Ginyu!Goku getting confused about who is in whose body.

 Ginyu!Goku: (After Goku!Ginyu flies off) Man... I'm a jerk now...

Ginyu!Goku: (after hearing Vegeta explain that Kakarot and Goku refer to the same person) So does that make me Ginyu?

Ginyu!Goku: (blocking Vegeta from Ginyu's body change) I'll save you, Goku!

  • Vegeta's answer to Ginyu's request for a moment of silence.

 Ginyu: Just...just allow me a customary moment of silence.

Vegeta: Mine mine mine minemineMINEMINEMINEMINEMINE! (Bashes Ginyu!Goku into the ground.)

 Krillin: Gohan, we might have a chance now! But you have to give it your all! Remember, (Ginyu) may look like your dad, you can absolutely not hold back-

Gohan AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!! You abandoned me for a year with Piccolo, sent me off into space, and the next time I get to see you, you lost your damn body?! YOU'RE NOT EVEN YOU ANYMOOOOORE!

Goku!Ginyu: I don't know where he gets that from.

  • This line:

 Goku!Ginyu: This is easily the second worst hole I've had in my chest. It's going to take, like, a million mommy kisses to make this feel better.

Episode 24

  • Episode 24 is crammed with funny moments:
    • Freeza and Nail's confrontation:

 Nail:(attacks Freeza mid-sentence) HAAAAA!

Freeza: Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know we were starting. Here, allow me. (rips Nail's arm off)

Nail: AAAAAAHHHHHH! (falls to his knees in agony)

Freeza: Looks like someone's going to be missing this! (Drops Nail's severed arm in front of him)

Nail: No, not really. (grows a new arm)

Freeza: Ooh, that looks like it hurts a lot. Are you okay?

Nail: I'm fine!

Freeza: Good to know. Yoink! (rips off Nail's new arm)

      • In their next scene, there's a whole pile of mutilated arms on the ground.

 Freeza: How many arms do you think we're up to? I think we're up to 24.

 Vegeta: It'll take a while, though. This is the only other model the ship has. And it's kind of an old one.

Krillin: What happened to the newer model?

Vegeta: Blew it the f*** up.

Krillin: What, did it have an opinion?

Vegeta: Eat me. [...] Now, both of you, STRIP.

Krillin: Ummmm...

Vegeta: I've got body armor for you.

Krillin: ...Less awkward.

 Krillin: You know, Gohan. It just occurred to me.

Gohan: Yeah, Krillin?

Krillin: We're still on Namek.

Gohan: What do you mean?

Krillin: Well, it feels like we've been here for like, a year.

Gohan: But we've only been here for six days!

Krillin: I know, right?!

    • Krillin unintentionally giving Vegeta flashbacks from the previous season:

 Krillin: Hey, by the way, don't I look like that one guy that Vegeta landed with back on Earth? What was his name, again? Hey, Vegeta! What was that one guy's name? Vegeta? Vegeta? Vegeta? Vegeta? (Nappa's head appears) Vegeta? Vegeta?

Vegeta:(Scowls) Goddamnit, Nappa.

Krillin: Oh, right! Good ol' Goddamnit Nappa.

    • George Takei randomly interrupting the conversation between Goku and King Kai:

 Goku: Who's that, King Kai?

King Kai: It's George Takei. Somehow we made this into a three-way.

George Takei: Ohhhh my!

King Kai: Call! Three-way call!

    • Dende starts screaming in terror when he thinks he's been caught by one of Freeza's henchmen. Then he realizes it's Krillin, and he screams even louder.
    • Gohan's inner monologue as he reflects on his life:

 Gohan: Then again, I don't really know anyone my own age. My best friends are a 26 year-old dwarf, and a giant green alien who constantly hits me. Still, better than my dad. At least they're around . ...Huh. Where did that come from?

    • Porunga's introduction:

 Krillin: Holy crap, your dragon's on steroids!

Porunga: [In Namekian] (I am Porunga, Dragon of Dreams, and I-- [sees Krillin]...Why is there an Albino Namekian amongst you? I thought they were wiped out in the purge!)

Dende: (Actually, they're earthlings.)

Porunga: (God, they're ugly.)

Dende: (And annoying.)

    • King Kai communicating with Krillin:

 King Kai: Stop screwing around and wish these idiots off my planet!

Krillin: Holy crap, I can hear a voice inside my head!

Dende: Is it telling you my name is Dende?

Krillin: Hush, Little Green! The voice speaks to me.

King Kai: This is King Kai. Wish these guys back to life before I kill myself.

Krillin: Wait, can gods kill themselves?

King Kai: I'm about to try!

    • No one cares what Yamcha thinks!
    • Piccolo's reaction to being sent to a random spot on Namek:

 Krillin: Little Green, wish our friend Piccolo back to life, and then with our next wish, bring him to Namek.

Piccolo: Hold on a minute, don't do that! That is a terrible i--(is resurrected and brought to Namek)--dea!

[Piccolo's can be heard screaming in the distance.]

Dende: He is on Namek.

Gohan: Wait, where is he?

Dende: On Namek.

Piccolo: (in the distance) You dumbass!

Krillin: Why didn't it bring him here?

Dende: You must be specific.

Gohan: Oh, so it's a sort of monkey's paw. You have to be careful with the hubris in your wishes.

Piccolo: (still in the distance) NEEEEEEEERRRRDDD!

    • Apparently, Goku was right; Vegeta does have a very nervous bladder.

 Vegeta: (suddenly wakes up, jumps to his feet, fists clenched) I have to pee! (bolts out of the room)

    • It also takes him way too long to figure out why the sky has turned dark; "Jesus, I overslept. It's already night...for the first time since I got here...on a planet with three suns." (Alarm clock in his head ticks, then goes off after several seconds) "Oh you mother-(cut back to the dragon)-FUCKERS!" But when he does...

 Krillin: (on what he should use the third wish for) Well, now I can have a three-foot-long...

Vegeta: (visibly furious) HEY, WHAT'S UP GUYS?!

Krillin: ...I'm never going to get my hoagie.

Vegeta: SO WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?!

Gohan: What am I doin'?

Vegeta: WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?!

Gohan: Nothing much.

Vegeta: THWARTIN' MY PLANS?!

Gohan: Thwartin' your plans?

Vegeta: ARE YOU?!

Gohan: ...Yes.

Vegeta: ...I'M GONNA F***ING KILL YOU!

  Guru: I feel that they have finally summoned the dragon. Would be a reeeal dick move to die right now...Huuurrkk [dies]

  • When Kami is resurrected.

 Popo: -humming and watering plants-

Kami: (poofs) Fan-freaking-tastic, We're back here again.

Popo: Oh, you're back. Hi Kami.

Kami: Mr. Popo, what are you watering?

Popo: Pot.

Kami: Pots of what?

Popo: Pot. (beat) I'm not getting rid of it.

Kami: Are you kidding? That sh*t's great for my glaucoma.

 Nail: (Enjoying this moment) The earthlings have the password.

Freeza: ...What?

Nail: Remember the little Namekian you passed on the way to Guru's? On his way to the humans with the password. By now he's probably already there and they're about to summon the dragon!

Freeza: (Barely concealed rage) Grk...Jch...

Nail: Yeah, if I could guess your biggest mistake, it would be not stopping him. That or the purple lipstick.

Freeza: I WILL F***ING MURDER YOU!!

Nail: Whatever.

Freeza: (flies off and turns on scouter) Why aren't the Ginyus showing up!? Oh, they're dead. WHY ARE THEY DEAD?!

  • Vegeta's thoughts as he was falling asleep.

 Vegeta: First immortality. Then the bitches.

  • The reveal that even Krillin thought the name "Team Three Star" was stupid.
    • That seemed more like he was trying to save face than anything else, considering how enthusiastic he was about it in the beginning.
  • Freeza getting annoyed with Namek. Again.

 Nail:(Lands on a random spot) This is my people's sacred battleground.

Freeza: We flew over an hour for this? It looks exactly the same as everywhere else on this god-forsaken rock!

Episode 25

  • The Stinger has the theme song with Freeza under a powerup box. Out pops the mushroom and Freeza transforms.
  • Episode 25 has several including Freeza raising the Owned count so high that he gets a 1Up, Nappa in the flashback and Dodoria shopped onto a fat woman in lingerie during a solar flare.

  Freeza: Peaceful young races with fires on their houses, millions of voices all silenced like mouses, watching the cowards bow toward their new king, these are the few of my favorite things!

  • Another is the aftermath of Piccolo's fusion with Nail. Team Four Star handles it EXACTLY like the dub complete with Piccolo psyching himself up...until...

 Nail, (inside Piccolo's head): What are you doing?

Piccolo: Errrghummm...Nothing.

Nail: Really? 'Cause it looked like you were chanting to yourself.

Piccolo: Are you in my head?

Nail: Yep. Don't worry, supposedly I should fade into your subconscious...sooner or later.

Piccolo: Ok...so what now?

Nail: By my estimate, this fusion should have given you just enough power to wipe out the bastard that killed our people.

Piccolo: And?

Nail: Well, let me put this in terms you can understand...YOU CAN WIN! YOU FEEL GREAT! YOU! CAN! DO! THIS!

Piccolo: Oh HA-HA!

  • When Freeza's still in his first form, locked in a power struggle with Vegeta, his scouter displays the message "F**K THIS. I'M OUT." seconds before exploding.
  • During the flashback about Bardock's warning:

 Saiyan: He's been telling everyone that Freeza plans to destroy Vegeta.

King Vegeta: Wait, my son, the planet, or me?

Butarega: ...Yes.

[King Vegeta blasts Butarega away]

King Vegeta: Friggin' smartass.

  • When Dende heals Gohan.

 Gohan: I... you... healed me.

Dende: You are the only one I respect.

Gohan: Then why did you heal Krillin?

Dende: The better question is; why did I tell him he was immortal?

 Gohan: Think, what would dad do?

[Flashback]

Goku: Bye, son!

Gohan: I'm beginning to think I have issues.

    • When Krillin comes back in top form after being impaled:

 Vegeta (inner monologue): I swear if he used that wish for immortality on himself, I am going to murde-

[creeping realization]

Vegeta (out loud): That... bastard.

 Gohan: Krillin, stop! You're making him stronger!

  • Krillin tells the gang how he blinded Freeza with Solar Flare;

 Gohan: And then you used your Ki-Enzan to cut him in half?

Krillin: Ummm...

Freeza: I WILL MOUNT YOUR HEAD WHERE MY TAIL USED TO BE!!

Krillin: To answer your question, Gohan, no, I did not do that.

  • Krillin learns that he isn't immortal.

 Krillin: Wait, you mean I could have actually died?

Vegeta: Yeah, and unlike the runt and I, you don't get a power boost from it.

Krillin: Hax! I call hax!

 Nail: There's a special ability our people share. Forbidden, even amongst our most sacred clans.

Piccolo: And we're just gonna abuse it?

Nail: Oh, maliciously!

Piccolo: Bitchin'! What do we do?

  • Freeza "taunting" Vegeta while he tortures Gohan

 Freeza: So Vegeta, does this get you angry?

Vegeta: Not really, kind of a smart ass.

Freeza: Well then, why am I even bothering?!

Vegeta: Because....you get off on it...?

Freeza: Oh, unbelievably!

  • Piccolo's first thoughts on Namek;

 "What was that idiot doing, bringing me here? It's- Wait a minute. I can feel it. This is my home! I can finally see its beauty! The lush blue fields... The crystal clear waters... The wind brushing past my GOD this is boring! Huh...no wonder I feel right at home.

  • How Vegeta knew that Freeza can transform.

 Vegeta: Guldo told me

[cutaway]

Guldo: So... Did you know that Freeza can transform?

Vegeta: Huh. That right?

Guldo: Yeah. And Burter's gay!

Vegeta: (genuine surprise) Really!?

[cutaway]

Vegeta: And then I threw a dog treat at him. True story.

Episode 26

  • The miraculous return of the Kanassans:

 Kanassan 1: I CAN SEE THE FUTUUUUUURE!

Kanassan 2: BULMA AND VEGETA HAVE A KIIIIIID!

Kanassan 3: THE REAL BUU IS A CHILD!

Kanassan 4: CELL REACHES HIS PERFECT FOOOOORM!

Kanassan 5: GOTEN AND TRUNKS BECOME A GUUUUYYYY!

Kanassan 6: GOHAN IS THE STRONGEST IN THE UNIVERSE BUT STILL DOESN'T DO CRAAAAAAP!

  • The Stinger has this exchange:

 Krillin: Little Green! NOOOOOOOO!!!

Gohan: Actually Krillin, his name was Dende.

Krillin: Huh, that's funny. He never spoke up about it.

  • A brilliant send up of of the series' "weighted clothing" concept:

 Piccolo: Don't think you have the upperhand yet. I'm still wearing weighted armour!

Freeza: Weighted armour? How quaint. And how much does it weigh?

Piccolo: Same as it always does: one hundred kilo-

Freeza grins

Piccolo: ...Oh.

Freeza: That's just cute!

Piccolo: That concept just sort of lost meaning after a while, didn't it?

  • After Krillin sees Piccolo crack his knuckles and neck in a truly awesome way.

  Krillin: Aw man that sounded good, now I have to do my neck. [SNAP] OWWW MY NECK! [Krillin Owned Count: 26]

  • Piccolo and Nail's conversation during Freeza's 2nd transformation.
  • For some reason, this troper finds the exchange after Freeza transforms into his 3rd form hilarious.

 Freeza: So Namekian, what do you think of my 3rd form?

Piccolo: I think Ridley Scott's gonna sue somebody.

Freeza: What are you talking about? *Alien tongue bursts out of mouth and makes noises* Let me touch your skin...

Piccolo: *disturbed yell*

  • Definitely this exchange:

 Freeza: I have a question for you though.

Piccolo: Whats that?

Freeza: DIE.

Piccolo: ...That's... not... a... questio- *gets knocked into plateau*

Freeza: That's because I don't do requests.

  • When Vegeta tried fleeing, this happened:

 Freeza: *suddenly appears* So, Vegeta, where do you think you're going?

Vegeta: Oh, y'know... *shifts eyes* places...

Freeza: Places, hm? Like that mountain over there?

Vegeta: *looking* Actually, that looks more like a plat- *gets knocked into* -EEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUU!!

 Freeza: How about this? Let's play a game. Ever hear of paintball?

Piccolo: Yeah...

Freeza: Just remove the "t".

Piccolo: I don't ge- (Freeza blasts him in the knee) OH HO I GET IT!

    • Plus the exchange right afterward that would later be alluded to in episode 29.

 Freeza: Now for your other glubok! (He blasts Piccolo again.)

Piccolo: AGH! ...You're not really familiar with our anatomy, are you?

Freeza: It doesn't matter! I'll hit your glubok somewhere! (He starts repeatedly blasting Piccolo)

Episode 27

  • The opening.

 Goku: I'm sure they're doing just fine.

Vegeta: HEALER'S DOWN!

Krillin: NEED A REZ!

Gohan: OUT OF MANA!

All three: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!

    • Before that, Goku was singing "Put the Lime in the Coconut".
  • Freeza's continued mocking

 Freeza: It's like putting down Old Space Yeller

Krillin: HOW IS THAT A THING?

  • The return of "DOOOOOOOOOOODGE!!"
  • Goku's attempt at a Badass Boast.

 Goku: I'm Goku! I'm insane, from Earth!

Vegeta: He means Saiyan.

    • And then Freeza's comment:

 Freeza: Well between you and the Namekian I think I've lost my touch at genocide.

  • A good amount of the dialogue in episode 27, such as the round of "Row row row your boat". Especially once Goku arrives and starts talking to Freeza.
  • Vegeta attempting to rock Freeza like a hurricane. It fails.

  Huh, I should've known that was only a one-hit wonder.

  • After Goku blocks Freeza's Beam Spam attack, Freeza demands to know how it's possible, from Vegeta, who's been talking about the Super Saiyan legend the whole episode, and previous ones (having already given an identical speech about it twice). Mostly in relation to himself, but you can tell Freeza sees it coming again. Each word out of Freeza's mouth is angrier than the last in the following exchange.

 Vegeta: You see, Freeza? You aren't dealing with the average Saiyan warrior anymore-

Freeza: Oh. My! GOD!!!

  • EVERYTHING that the extremely short-lived Jamaican (That sounds familiar to Sebastian the Crab) crab (Apparently his name is 'Orpheus') says before getting eaten by Freeza in Episode 27.
  • When Goku arrives, he talks to the others. This happens.

 Goku: Oh, hey Piccolo! When'd you come back?

Piccolo: Uh... Dragon Balls...

Goku: Cool,

Krillin: GOKU!!

Goku: Hey Krillin! You look funny in that armor!

Gohan: DAD!!!

Goku: Hey.

    • And then he turns to Freeza:

 Goku: So, are you that Freezer guy?

Freeza: <hestitantly> I am Lord Freeza, yes.

Goku: <cheerfully> Awesome! Imma deck you in the schnozz!

<Freeza stares blankly for a second, then drops Vegeta>

Vegeta: Ow.

Freeza: I'm... sorry, that's a new one. Who did you say you were, again?

    • And note that this is actually a Brick Joke to how Freeza keeps track of every Badass Boast made towards him.
  • Freeza explains why Vegeta is injured;

 Freeza: Unfortunately, Vegeta and I had a disagreement. He wanted himself to live, and, well, I didn't.

Goku: Why do you want to die?

Freeza: Wh- no, I meant, I meant I wanted him to die-

Goku: Is it because you look weird?

Freeza: What?!

Goku: Ah, you know, you got that big head, those weird lips and that tail-

(Freeza gets angry and tries to blast Goku. Goku swats the blast away.)

Goku: -and you don't have ears...

Freeza: Okay, no.

(Freeza shoots multiple beams that Goku swats away effortlessly.)

Goku: ...And to top it all off, you're really kind of a jerk.

Freeza: (Shocked) And apparently, this is now happening.

  • During their, ah, fight, Vegeta and Freeza's thoughts.

 Vegeta: (Yes I have him on the ropes! All he can do is dodge me!)

Freeza: (God, Zarbon's, dead, Dodoria's dead, the Ginyus are dead...this has been one giant mess. It's just like that jockstrap incident, only now I don't have Ginyu around to dig the holes!)

  • Early on when Gohan, Krillin and Piccolo are all certain of their defeat and Vegeta keeps boasting how good he is:

 Krillin: I couldn't even follow that attack! It was almost instantaneous!

Vegeta: Yup, just gonna stand here and keep bein' awesome--

Piccolo: There's nothing we can do against that kind of power!

Vegeta: (Annoyed) Uh, hello, awesome? Right here.

Gohan: We're all gonna die!

Vegeta: ... You know what? All of you better duck, because I'm about to turn left and I don't want to SMACK YOU WITH MY DICK.

  • I know the whole scene with Freeza curb stomping Vegeta is pretty morbid, but I always find it humorous when Krillin asks if they should do something

  Freeza: (Appears) Oh, go ahead, pool's open; water's fine. (Everyone just stands there, shaking in their boots) No? Just going to stand there like a bunch of piss ants? Thought so.

  • After Freeza tells Vegeta that a Super Saiyan is just a myth...

  Vegeta: Bitch, you just jealous of my Super Saiyan swagger.

Episode 28

  • The opening, which has Vegeta stating the usual legal stuff, but clearly dying with each breath.
  • Vegeta's dying words.

  Vegeta: You are our race's last hope. You are the last remaining Saiyan. ...Oh god, you're the last remaining Saiyan.

  • Freeza's complete stupification as he tries to comprehend how Goku thinks.

 Goku: Wow, that was close! I was almost out of the frying pan, and into the... lava.

Freeza: How do you function?

 Vegeta: That lying red motherfucker!

(Later, at King Yenma's)

King Yenma: (To all arriving souls) Strip...next. Strip...next. Strip...next. Strip...(Beat, learns forward) nice.

Arriving soul: Recoome thanks you.

  • The random moment with Bulma shows her drinking the planet's water.

 Bulma: Oh God! That was so refreshing... too bad it was all saltwater though. (faints).

 Goku: My butt is flaming!

Freeza: ...I miss Zarbon.

  • Krillin getting hit in the face with Freiza's puke, bringing the Krillin Owned Counter up to 27.
  • When Goku says to Freeza that he won the game because he fought without his shirt (long story). He asks what his prize is.

 Goku: What do I win?

Freeza: Another bath!

Freeza: Just tell me when you need to come up for air.

  • The following exchange, just after Vegeta's burial. Freeza's expression while saying the last line is priceless:

 Freeza: Come now, I'm sure he's in a better place... Oh, who am I kidding? He's probably in Hell!

Goku: I don't know, I went to Hell once. The only real bad part was these two oiled-up German guys trying to wrestle me.

Freeza: ...are you real?

  • Freeza, after Goku responds to his rhetorical question with a rhetorical answer.

 Freeza: ...Good lord, I traded Vegeta for this.

  • Goku's brain appearing to be voiced by Orson Welles, at least if its garbled comments about "frozen peas" while Goku is drowning were any indication.
  • Vegeta's spirit animal falling out of Freeza's ear.
  • The beginning;

 Goku: Vegeta, no!

Gohan: Vegeta, no!

Krillin: Don't worry, Gohan. Little Green'll- (Shot of Dende's corpse) ...oh. Vegeta, no!

Piccolo: ...Meh.

  • Goku bites Freeza's tail. 'Nuff said.
  • Goku continuing to be a terrible father.

 Goku: Piccolo, you take care of Gohan.

Piccolo: So... keep doing what I've been doing, then?

Goku: Yah-huh.

Piccolo: Yeah, I figured. Let's go!

Krillin: Oh thank god!

Piccolo and Krillin fly away.

Gohan: (whispering) Dad... beat him within an inch of his life... AND HANG HIM UP BY HIS ENTRAILS!

Goku: (To himself) Wow, he sounds like he's had a hard time. Piccolo should really have a talk with him.

  • Freeza asking if Goku wants to play a "game".

 Freeza: (threateningly) Want to play a game?

Beat

Goku: Yes...

  • After the "pinball" game:

 Freeza: So how did you like that game, monkey?

Goku: Eh, it was okay.

Freeza: Wha...How did you-

Goku: It's no Donkey Kong though. That has a pie level!

Freeza: (Wide eyed, says nothing. Leans forward making a creaking sound)

  • Why Vegeta got shot;

 Goku: Vegeta, are you all right?

Vegeta: I have...a f**king hole in my chest...why didn't you block that one!?

Goku: I thought you had it!

Vegeta: No!

Freeza: It's funny how he's still talking, I could have sworn I hit a lung- (Vegeta coughs blood) Oh there it is!

  • Freeza loses his patience with Goku.

 Freeza: How do you function?

Goku: Hey, I'm just like any other guy. I pay my taxes one leg at a time!

Freeza: ...I'm going to drown you. I'm going to drown you like a sack of dumb puppies.

Goku: What? Why would you drown puppies!?

Freeza: (Snidely) Because they're cute and cuddly.

Goku: Are...you coming on to me?

Freeza: Arrr...!

  • The end of the episode

 Freeza: (still holding Goku under the water) Any last words, monkey? Besides "gurgle gurgle?"

Goku: (Goku breaks out from under the water) Yeah! Kaio-ken!

Freeza: Kaio-what?

Goku: KA! ME! HA! ME! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! (He apparently obliterates Freeza)

Freeza: (Emerges from the blast relatively unscathed) No, seriously. Kaio-what?

Goku: Kaio-crap!

Freeza: I thought so. (He attacks Goku)

Episode 29

  • The disclaimer is read by Krillin, followed by this gem of an exchange.

 Director: That was perfect, Krillin. Don't worry about your check, we'll send it to your next of kin.

Krillin: ...What?

  • Freeza after pulling Goku out of the water

 Freeza: Now what do you have to say for yourself, monkey?

Goku: (Spits up onto Freeza's face)

Beat

Freeza: (Starts kicking Goku repeatedly)

Goku: AH! OH! Son of a-!

  • The entire bit with the Ginyu Force on King Kai's planet. Including lines from Yamcha.

 Yamcha: [King Kai's training] is bogus!

Tien: I'm going to do my best to overlook the fact that you just used the word "bogus".

    • King Kai's casual reaction to the tree Guldo threw at his house.

 King Kai: Hey, I was just inside, taking a crap, I'm old, takes a while, come out, there's a tree in my living room... What's up?

    • And when the Ginyus get kicked down to hell by King Kai:

 Goz: Meeeeez! We havez visitaaaaars! Prepare ze campz.

  • This exchange:

 Goku: No, I can't lose. I have to beat you. You're evil, and you have to be stopped!

Freeza: Oh, come now. If I'm really as evil as you say I am, then let God strike me down where I stand. (lightning strikes Freeza, to no effect) HA! Nice try, jackass! Next time, give it your A-game!

  • Freeza's frustration at not understanding what Goku's up to with the Spirit Bomb. "There you go again, throwing your hands up in the air like you just don't care. Care, damn it!"
  • Freeza gets hit by the Spirit Bomb

 Freeza: (in a calm tone despite the look of horror on his face) ...Oh. Somehow I completely forgot about that.

[The Spirit Bomb absorbs his attack with an "om nom nom" sound]

Freeza: (still calm) Oh my god.

Freeza: (thinking) If I had any single regret for the countless horrific events that have transpired in my wake, it's that I'm dying.

  • The Call Back to Piccolo having Goku distract Raditz while Goku is charging the spirit bomb. This time, the positions are reversed.

 Piccolo: Did you just hold a grudge?

  • As Goku brings the Spirit Bomb down on Freeza, who was charging a world-ending attack.
  • Freeza's reappearance: "By the way, not dead. Kthanx DIE."
  • When Freeza kills Krillin after taking out Piccolo:

  Krillin: (After seeing Piccolo taken out) Oh, for a moment I thought that was going to be me.

Freeza: Ohoho, you're next.

Krillin: Wait, what'd I ever do to you?

Freeza: Remember my tail?

Krillin: Can't you take a joke?

  • Freeza gives an ugly stare at Krillin, while Krillin gives a smile*

Krillin: AAAH! AAAH! AAAH! AAAH! AAAH! *explodes*

  • Beat*

*Krillin's Owned Count goes to 28*

  • The stinger, after Freeza kills Krillin:

 Mr. Popo: (dramatic closeup) CALLED IT.

  • Freeza finally loses his cool.

 Freeza: That's stupid! You're stupid! Stop being stupid!

Goku: Or...maybe I'm being rhetorical.

Freeza: NO! NO YOU'RE NOT! God, it's like you just use words you hear randomly to try and sound smarter!

Goku: Huh. Well, now you're just acting transcendent.

Freeza: RR! (Kicks Goku)

  • "RECOOOOOOOOOOOMEEE! DIIIIIIIIIIVEEEEE!
  • After Guldo throws the tree at King Kai's house:

 Burter: Whoa, little quick to the trigger there, Ace!

Guldo: Sorry, I kinda lost my head there after I... lost my head.

  • Freeza spotting the huge spirit bomb above him.

 Freeza: What is that glare? That's not a sun, it's not a moon and it's certainly not a space station - what is that? (looks up) What... is... that - What is that!?

Goku: Are we still playing twenty questions?

Freeza: You were planning to use this on me, weren't you!?

Goku: ...Yeah...

  • Also, Krillin keeps blurting out what Goku's doing, and how strong the Spirit Bomb is.

 Piccolo: Shut up!

Krillin: Too scared!

Piccolo: Damn it!

Freeza: What is that fool yammering on about?

Goku: He's talking about...ghosts.

Freeza: ...Ghosts.

Goku: (Eyes shifting) Yeah, you know... Spirits? ...Ghosts?

DBZ Abridged - Episodes - Other

  • This is the best song ever.
  • Nappa's year-long Are We There Yet?, which at first seems to come to a rather anticlimactic end ("Yay!") only to be brought back in a wonderfully unexpected way: "Is he here yet?"
  • They turned Recoome into The Rock.
  • And then there's this:

 Gohan I swear, I don't even know what's going on anymore.

  • Guru has two words for everyone.

  Guru: Drop it!

DBZ Abridged - Movies and Specials

  • And now from the "Bardock - Father of Goku Abridged" we have the following:

  Nappa: (to Vegeta) I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship!

  • Also from the Bardock special:

  Bardock: Hey there, Kakarrot. It's your daddy! Let's see what kind of power level we've got here... Alright, whoa ho ho ho! Ten-thousand! That's my boy! *sees name plaque* ...Wait, Broly...?

    • Even better is the set-up to that. Bardock at first doesn't give a damn when the doctor asks if he wants to see Goku, noting that he never paid attention to Raditz when he was growing up. The doc answers, "And we all know how he turned out," followed by a Gilligan Cut to the above line.
  • Another from the Bardock special:

  Gohan: Someone threw out a perfectly good baby! I think I'll name you... Clark.

  • Bardock witnessing the future of his son Kakarot Goku... from a scene from Dragon Ball GT. "....And now I welcome the sweet embrace of death."
    • Mr. Popo's cameo as Bardock first gets his ability to see the future.
    • This exchange

 Dodoria: I think that Bardock's a pretty cool guy.

Zarbon: He conquers planets and doesn't afraid of anything.

Freeza: Doesn't afraid of anything indeed.

  • The whole exchange between Nappa and young Prince Vegeta.

 Nappa: Vegeta!

Vegeta: What is it, Nappa?

Nappa: Well, I've got good news... aaaaand bad news. The bad news is... *rushed* reports say our entire planet has been destroyed by gigantic meteorite along with its all its inhabitants.

Vegeta: Ah- But- What about-?!

Nappa: Aaand your father.

Vegeta: My. Whole. Family. My race!

Nappa: But the good news is we're going to Dairy Queen!

Vegeta: My entire race is gone!

Nappa: DAAIIIRY QUEEN!

Vegeta: ...Just take me to the damn queen, Nappa.

Nappa: Yaaay! This seems like the beginning of a bee-yootiful friendship.

  • The Halloween Special:

 Professor: Well, what's your costume?

Popo: Oh, I'm not in costume. Yet. Hold on. [cut to clip of the Cloverfield monster, with Popo's maniacal laughter]

  • Four Words: Banana on a tricycle unicycle.
    • Heck, the entire FAQ is one big CMOF.
    • The obnoxious salaryman... er, fan. That is all.

 Obnoxious Fan: Can I be Cutter?

Vegeta: No! Wait... who the hell is Cutter?

Obnoxious Fan: You guys suck! I'm going to go complain on my Live Journal page.

Vegeta: Yes, I'm sure your mother reads it religiously.

    • Also-

 Obnoxious Fan: Can I be Oozaru?

Vegeta: I DON'T KNOW! LET'S ASK HIM!

Oozaru: ROAR! (Fires blast of energy from his mouth at the Obnoxious Fan.)

Obnoxious Fan: ...Ow....

    • Nappa answering the question of who writes and edits the show.

 Nappa: The editing is done by Tigerkitty!

Vegeta: It's Kaiser Neko, Nappa!

Nappa: Kaiser Cat.

Vegeta: Neko!

Nappa: Meow! (pair of cat ears pops up on his head)

  • The AWA special:

 Nappa: Hey. Vegeta. Check out that cosplayer over there. They're hot!

Vegeta: Goddamnit Nappa, stop breaking the fourth... whoa, wow, she is hot.

Nappa: I'm talking about that guy over there! The L cosplayer!

Vegeta: Nappa, that's just a guy in a white sweatshirt.

Nappa: Yeah, like I said. L.

Vegeta: Are you telling me that counts as a cosplay?

Nappa: Yep!

Vegeta: F***ing cop-out.

  • In the middle of the Conneticon 2011 announcement.

 Announcer: ...wait a minute, this is missing something. Hey Nappa, say something funny.

Nappa: My parents died in a tragic space accident when I was only a child. That's why I can never grow up.

Announcer: Ha ha, oh Nappa.

 Nappa: Tien, what are you doing?! That was your line!

Tien: Yeah, I'm not doing it.

Nappa: I thought we talked about this.

Tien: Yeah. You talked. I said no.

Nappa: Look. It took a long time to put this together. Piccolo's in the outfit!

Piccolo: (covered in plush Yoshis) I'm in the outfit.

Tien: That's because you have no friends.

Piccolo: (stops smiling and sobs offscreen)

Nappa: What the f***, Tien?

Krillin: Oh, geez!

Tien: I am. NOT. DOING. YOUR STUPID. SONG. PARODY.

Nappa: Why?!

Tien: F*** you, that's why.

  • The entirety of "Christmas Tree of Might." Especially the end.

 Vegeta: This is so non-canon, it hurts.

Ghost Nappa: Vegeeeeeeta! Tonight, you will be haunted by three ghoooooosts! (Appears) And they're all me. (Soon, two more Ghost Nappas show up.)

Ghost Nappas (simultaneous) : Hi!

Vegeta: Goddamnit, I hate Christmas.

    • The "mouth present" thing.

 Goku: Well, what am I getting for Christmas?

Chi-Chi: The same thing as last year, Goku.

Goku: Oh, so that thing you do with your mouth...."

Chi-Chi: NOT IN FRONT OF GOHAN!

      • And later...

 (Gohan is transformed into a Great Ape)

Goku: Oh, man! If Chi-Chi finds out about this, I might not get mouth present.

  • The wish Krillin makes which causes the events of the special. Thank you, Krillin and thank you Shenron.
  • Shenron's jackassness is hilarious.

 Shenron: No! No way! No, not you again! HAS IT EVEN BEEN A YEAR?!

Oolong: It's been one year, 2 months and 50...

Shenron: SHUT THE HELL UP!

 Piccolo: Bitch, you look like Goku.

Turles: And you look like a Yoshi.

Piccolo: I get that. Now hand over the kid. (Gohan)

Turles: You want this kid?

Piccolo: I want him!

Turles: You want this kid?

Piccolo: I want him!!

Turles: You want this kid?

Piccolo: I want him!!

Turles: You want-you want?

Piccolo: I WANT THAT KID!!

  • Goku singing while Chi-Chi is lecturing Gohan.

  Chi-Chi: Goku, stop that or I'll deck you in the halls!

 Goku: Big tree, if you don't leave right now, I'm going to beat you up.

Yamcha: Goku, trees can't talk.

Amond: (Offscreen) Why don't you come up here and try it.

Yamcha: Ya know what, f*** it, I don't care anymore.

 Cacao: Singing:Yamcha the Scarfaced Bandit.

Song: But do you recall, the most useless fighter of all...

Yamcha: Go to hell! *throws a Spirit Ball, which misses*

Yamcha: *trying to redirect the Spirit Ball, and still missing* Oh. Come. On. Come. On. Damn. You.

Song: Yamcha the Scarfaced Bandit, always beaten by his foes...

Cacao: Do you require assistance?

Yamcha: *still trying to redirect the Spirit Ball* Shut. Up. You. *the Spirit Ball finally hits* YES! TAKE THAT MOTHERFU- *Cacao knocks Yamcha to the ground*

Song: ...and if you saw this guy fight, you would even say he blows.

Cacao: Agreed.

  • Turles' rant against Christmas in front of Gohan, mainly because of the voice, the way he was speaking, and who he is quoting.
    • Also the previous, nefarious misdeeds of his mooks, including raping Rudolph.

From the Lord Slug movie, we have Piccolo's interaction with Slug's minions.

 Piccolo: Alright, what's your gimmick?

Minion: Gimmick?

Piccolo: Yeah, like the last guys, they were all misfit minions and crap, what're you?

Angira: We're just here for your planet. Though if I had to choose, i'd say i'm the pretty one.

Piccolo: Eh, 6 out of 10.

Angira: You sassy bitch.

Piccolo: That makes you the weird one with the freaky power.

Medamatcha: I can spawn mini-mes'!

Piccolo: (sarcasticly) Spectacular. And that would make you no doubt the big, tough, stupid one.

Dorodabo: You take that back or I'll kill you!

Piccolo: Alright, alright, you're not tough.

Dorodabo: That's better.

Gohan: Didn't you just...

Piccolo: Give him a minute.

  • The minion thinks to himself...*

Dorodabo: HEY! You son of a bitcccccccccccch!

Piccolo: Now, now, that truck is NOT your eating disorder.

Dorodabo: You're a penis!

Piccolo: So long since you've seen yours, you don't even recognize one do ya?

    • The truck returns in this gem delivered after Goku has been impacted into the ground like a vegetable.

 Slug: You know, there's a certain sport I excel at.

Goku: *muffled due to being underground* What's it called?

Slug: *plucks Goku out by the leg* Competitive BITCH TOSS! *hurls Goku into a truck*

  • After Piccolo rips his own ears off in order to avoid being affected by Gohan's whistling, he keeps yelling "WHAT?" everytime he thinks someone is talking to him, even when nobody's talking back. He later combines it with the Kaïoken Running Gag:

 Goku: Kaïoken!

Slug: Kaïo-

Piccolo: WHAT?

    • It's doubly funny coupled with the fact Piccolo's Big Damn Heroes moment was accompanied by Stone Cold Steve Austin's theme music; later in his career "WHAT?" became something of a catchphrase for him.
    • Also comes back during the credits.
  • Vegeta watches Krillin get pasted on TV and records the moment.

 Vegeta: And the Emmy goes to...

Goku: KRILLIN!

  • Goku thinking it's Christmas for most of the movie. Because it's snowing!
    • "I AM CHAMPION CHRISTMAS!"
  • Piccolo and Nail's conversation at the begining of the movie. (Nail is in Piccolo's head, even though he wouldn't have been at the time, but the movie doesn't really fit into continuity anyway.)

 Piccolo: The Kamehameha doesn't drill things!

Nail: Last time I checked, neither do cannons.

Piccolo: THAT'S what makes it SPECIAL.

and

Nail: Who's that?

Piccolo: It's just Gohan. If you ignore it, it'll go away.

Also

Nail: So you just ignore all of your problems?

Piccolo: No, some I invite to live inside my head.

  • How Goku seems more worried about trivial things when landing on Iguana Street, than the actual fight.

 Goku: Aw great Iguana Street, now I'm gonna get mugged. But the joke's on them! I have no mo-*Gets punched through wall.*

  • The Overly Long Gag where Dorodabo repeatedly gets knocked off a building by Piccolo.
  • Goku's song while charging the Spirit Bomb.

  Goku: Sun, sun, Mr. Golden Sun, kill my enemies!

  • Piccolo's master plan against Lord Slug:

 Piccolo: *standing on Slug's head* Hey. Name's Piccolo. I've got your antennae! Whatcha gonna do about it, huh?

*Slug grabs him*

Piccolo: Aha! I knew you would do that! Now for phase two of my master plan! *tears off ears* AAAAARRRRRGGGHHH!

Lord Slug: What the hell is wrong with everyone on this planet!?

  • Medamatcha in general.

 "Papa Medamatcha gonna make you his bitch!"

"What, bitch, I'm talking to you! I will smack you with my dick!"

    • Everything he says is hilarious.

  "Oh, I don't give a shit what Christmas is now. I just know I'm going to kill it, and then my little Matcha's are going to RAPE IT!

  • Squeaky Toy!Goku returns!

 Slug: My god, that's hilarious!

Goku: Why does everyone keep doing that...? Those are my lungs...being crushed by my ribs...!

  • This exchange.

 Popo: *Hums* What?

Kami: Mr Popo are you torturing a cat?

Popo: Oh come on Kami, I don't torture cats.

(Beat)

Jinx: Jinx! Jinx!

Popo: Bitch, shut up!

 Krillin: Yamcha's here! [Explosion] Yamcha's dead!

 Vegeta: Hey Nappa. Let's go to Earth.

Nappa: Ballin'.

    • The part where Nappa sums up his total reason for being;

 Nappa: Vegeta why?! (as he is dying)

Vegeta: Because I'm a monkey! (transforms into the giant ape Ozaru).

  • The Yomacon commercial;

 Guru: Nail...Nnnnnail!

Nail: What is it, Lord Guru?

Guru: Do you know what I love about Canada?

Nail: ...Sir, there's nothing to love about Canada.

Guru: Nail...

Nail: No, seriously, it's the only place more boring than here-

Guru: Nail! None of that.

Nail: (Sighs) What is that you love about Canada, sir?

Guru: I love...their moose!

Moose: Hurr!

Nail: (Makes a surprised yelp)

Notes

  1. According to an interview from the Daizenshuu EX podcast, that joke was apparently planned almost from the beginning, making pretty much the entire first season a set-up to get to that punchline. Hence the name of the finale "The Punchline".
  2. You know, cause Magus and Piccolo look similar as both were designed by Akira Toriyama. Plus, Magus was the Fiendlord, and Piccolo Senior was the Demon King.
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