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Christmas Songs

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WARNING: Never, ever listen to this.

Cquote1
"All of a sudden there comes Christmas, and there is an absolute tidal wave of darling little girls and sweet little boys making millions of dollars on records singing enchanting little Christmas songs that are perfectly nauseating."
—Anna Russell
Cquote2


In the days when sales of vinyl singles really did control the position of songs in the charts, Christmas was the time when Glurge-laden songs topped the charts for weeks as children bought them for grandparents (and grandparents for grandchildren). Ubiquitous in stores, malls, and practically every other place with a PA system in November and December. Every so often somebody will pen an Anti-Christmas Song as an antidote, but the only real way to escape the onslaught is to become a Hikikomori - or go off the grid entirely - for two months a year.

Nevertheless, everyone's got an album that they lovingly pull out from the bottom of the CD cabinet when December rolls around, Many don't wait until December, or even until (American) Thanksgiving; a number of radio stations in North America start playing wall-to-wall Christmas music as early as November 1 (and while this has its share of detractors, a great many of them experience a sizeable ratings boost from holiday fare). Despite all the cheap, irritating, and soulless renditions (and re-renditions, and re-re-renditions ad nauseum) to be heard all over the place during the holiday season, the original simple melodies are still there, just waiting to be heard and to remind us why these songs really are merry and bright.

In other words, when done right, these are still indisputably Awesome Music.

By the way, traditional hymns centered around the Nativity are the actual Christmas carols. Tunes about snowfall or Santa are just plain ol' Christmas songs (or, in some cases, winter songs). Still others are considered Christmas songs only because they use the word "Christmas" in the lyrics (see: "Hard Candy Christmas" by Dolly Parton).

Trivia note: At the end of the Vietnam War, as the North Vietnamese Army reached the outskirts of Saigon, the American Forces Radio Service had to alert Americans in the area without panicking the local populace, all while in the process of smashing their equipment and recordings. As one Vietnam vet put it, he knew the end was near when AFRS began playing Bing Crosby singing "White Christmas" in April.

If you're looking for the story by Charles Dickens, that's A Christmas Carol. (Except when it's Yet Another Christmas Carol.)

Examples of Christmas Songs include:

Straight[]

  • "Jingle Bells".
    • Also known for the parody lyrics "Jingle Bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg...", which came full circle when, in Batman: The Animated Series, The Joker himself sang them.
    • There's also a Japanese version, minus the phrase "Jingle Bells", sung by Japanese pro wrestlers.
    • "Jingle Bells" is probably the single best-known and most widely-performed Christmas song of them all...which is rather ironic, given that it doesn't really have anything to do with Christmas specifically, secular or religious... it's actually a song about young guys in 1850s Medford, Massachusetts, who used to drag-race their one-horse sleighs in the town square. There's a small, hard to find plaque in said town square to commemorate it.
    • "Bjällerklang", the Swedish version, is about getting out of the house to avoid getting Cabin Fever, not drag racing. The verses have a slightly altered melody. The first part of the chorus has the same melody as the American version. However, a second chorus with a melody not used in the American version is sung after the original chorus.
  • "Do They Know It's Christmas?", first done by BandAid in 1984 to raise money for the victims of the Ethiopian famine. The subsequent Live Aid concert and charity appeal raised about £150m. Sadly, it may have actually made the situation worse- some journalists have claimed the money ended up in the hands of the military junta, who used for an enforced resettlement program. Up to 100,000 people may have been killed as a result. The earlier civil war had actually made the famine worse.
    • As for the song itself, it contains an instance of Did Not Do the Research with the line "There won't be snow in Africa this Christmas time". Tell that one to the people of Kenya...
    • Also, "No rain or rivers flow..." except, ya know, that longest river in the world... (the fucking Nile!).
    • And it's safe to assume that most Africans know at least what Christmas is, since most of the continent was at one time colonised by Europeans who converted the locals to Christianity.
    • Critics reportedly responded poorly to the two subsequent renditions of the song (in 1988 and 2004) because they felt that they were cashing in on the original, which they said, in spite of it's obvious drawbacks, had it's heart in the right place.
  • The Pogues' "Fairytale of New York". Notable for turning into an insult fest mid-way through, which was controversially censored by Radio 1 in 2007 for a couple of days. Interestingly, Radio 2 (which has a decidedly less daring reputation than its lower-numbered sister station) played it unexpurgated.
    • Special mention should be made of this song. It doesn't celebrate Christmas at all (It's merely set on Christmas Eve). It is more about the eroding of dreams and the people you've come to hate (but are stuck with). The British keep voting it "Best Christmas Song" in various polls. Something about being stuck with family resonates with us, we think.
    • Took on extra poignancy in 2023 following the passing of Pogues frontman Shane MacGowan.
  • "Happy Christmas (War is Over)" by John Lennon. Covered by various artists over the years including Celine Dion, Maroon 5, Sarah McLachlan, and Melissa Etheridge (who combined it in a medley with Lennon's "Give Peace a Chance").
  • And speaking of Celine Dion, while her Andrea Bocelli duet "The Prayer" isn't explicitly a Christmas song, it was included on her 1998 Christmas album These Are Special Times alongside her versions of "Happy Xmas," "O Holy Night," "Ave Maria" and other standards, plus the original "The Magic of Christmas Day (God Bless Us Everyone)." Dion is no stranger to Christmas music, having earlier done two Christmas albums in French as a teenager.
  • "Breath of Heaven (Mary's Song)", typically associated with Amy Grant, who included it on her 1992 album Home for Christmas. It's been recorded by numerous other Christian artists since.
  • "Merry Xmas Everybody" by Slade is pretty much the Christmas song in England, as it's heard in shops across the country the minute they start advertising "It's almost Christmas", which is usually around mid-October.
  • "Last Christmas", Wham. Covered by Billie Piper, by Taylor Swift, and by the cast of Glee, to name just a few.
  • "Christmas Time is Here", Ray Parker Jr. Which is not the song of the same name from A Charlie Brown Christmas (though that too has been recorded by various popular artists).
  • "The Little Drummer Boy".
  • "Silver Bells" - Debuted in a now little known holiday comedy starring Bob Hope called The Lemon-Drop Kid.
  • "Do You Hear What I Hear" - An allegorical Christmas song dealing with the Cuban Missile Crisis — explanation here.
  • "Carol of the Bells"
  • "White Christmas"
  • Sufjan Stevens put out a 5-CD box set of Christmas songs, both old and new. His original songs include "Get Behind Me, Santa!", "Sister Winter", "We're Goin' To The Country", "Put The Lights on the Tree", "That Was the Worst Christmas Ever!" and "Come On! Let's Boogey to the Elf Dance!"
  • Trans-Siberian Orchestra pretty much built their career on this, their alter-egos being a more conventional rock group that despite multiple albums made no money whatsoever until they had a crossover hit with Christmas tunes. Several full albums of such followed.
  • Mannheim Steamroller's best-known work has been Christmas music.
  • "Christmastime is Here" by Vince Guaraldi, from A Charlie Brown Christmas.
  • "The Christmas Song" (often known by its opening line 'Chestnuts roasting on an open fire'), written by Mel Tormé and Bob Wells, performed by Nat King Cole and various others.
  • "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas", which was written for Meet Me in St. Louis and has something of an interesting history.
  • Sleigh Ride. Ignore the stupid, tacked-on lyrics that were added later. The original version by Leroy Anderson features a nifty tempo shift halfway through.
  • Santa Claus Is Coming To Town
  • "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" - America's favorite bit of Christmas "folklore" that was originally created as a marketing gimmick for Montgomery Ward. Really.
  • The band Low recorded a mini-album of Christmas songs, some original ("Just Like Christmas"), some cover versions ("Blue Christmas") and some traditional ("Silent Night", "The Little Drummer Boy").
  • "I Believe in Father Christmas", by Greg Lake. Some folk who don't listen closely to the lyrics have mistaken this song for being anti-religious; however, Word of God says it's really about growing up and growing out of some childhood illusions. Sarah Brightman's cover of this seems to underline it, since she sang it in this oddly childlike voice.
  • Celebrate Me Home by Kenny Loggins
  • "Niño Lindo" and "Si la Virgen fuera Andina", two popular Venezuelan Christmas songs who, rare in the genre, actually remember why Christmas is called that. Popularized by the versions of several child chorus and the ones by Nancy Ramos; the latter musical career has essentially reduced to singing those.
  • "Mamacita, Donde Esta Santa Claus" is an English-Spanish song involving a kid waiting up for Santa.
  • "Christmas Wrapping" by The Waitresses is a cute story about a woman trying to get together with a guy. Various mishaps result in one or the other of them not making the date, until on Christmas Eve, their individual decisions to just sit out Christmas as a result of a hectic year gets them together.
  • "Someday at Christmas"
  • "Please Come Home for Christmas"
  • "Merry Christmas, Baby"
  • The Muppets have done a fair amount of Christmas songs over the years, as music is an integral part of just about everything they do. And they run the gamut from heartwarming glurge ("Together at Christmas (Old Friends, New Friends)" from The Christmas Toy and A Muppet Family Christmas) to parodies (the wacky "Twelve Days of Christmas" with John Denver). There have been no fewer than 15 Sesame Street Christmas albums released not counting characters' guest appearances on other projects, and several featuring the Muppet Show Muppets as well. Most Muppet Christmas films feature either mostly holiday standards or mostly original songs, though a few have combinations of both.
    • One of the earliest Muppet Christmas specials was 1970's The Great Santa Claus Switch, hosted by Ed Sullivan. The songs were written by Sesame veterans Joe Raposo and Jerry Juhl, ranging from glurge ("It's Christmas Time") to cutesy ("We're Happy Little Christmas Elves") to wacky ("I Want to Help").
    • Paul Williams wrote music for Emmet Otter's Jug-Band Christmas and The Muppet Christmas Carol. None of the songs from the former specifically mention Christmas, but are holiday fan favorites among Muppet fans nonetheless, especially "When the River Meets the Sea" (sung by Muppet performers Jerry Nelson and Louise Gold at Jim Henson's memorial service).
    • "Pass It On," first featured in Fraggle Rock and later reused in Muppet Family Christmas, also doesn't mention Christmas (which Fraggles don't celebrate, having their own winter holidays) but, with its themes about the joys of giving gifts, fits in well. There's also the title song from the Fraggle Rock: Back to the Rock holiday episode, "The Night of the Lights," named after one of the Fraggles' winter holidays.
  • The Killers tend to release a Christmas song each December with the proceeds going to charity. So far they've recorded:
    • "A Great Big Sled" (2006), a Springsteenian ode to lost innocence, produced by famed British alt rock producer Alan Moulder.
    • "Don't Shoot Me Santa" (2007), a novelty song about Santa attempting to kill Brendon Flowers. Currently the best selling of all their Christmas singles.
    • "Joseph, Better You Than Me" (2008), a gospel-fused song featuring Neil Tennant and Elton John
    • "¡Happy Birthday, Guadalupe!" (2009), a Mexican-pop flavored love song featuring indie rockers Wild Light and Mariachi El Bronx, the mariachi alter-ego of the SoCal punk band The Bronx
    • "Boots" (2010), a melancholy piece of nostalgia featuring samples from It's a Wonderful Life.
    • "The Cowboys' Christmas Ball" (2011), an uptempo, country-sounding somg with aa Retraux video.
  • Christmas (Baby Please Come Home), originally recorded by Darlene Love, covered by everyone from U2 to Death Cab For Cutie to Mariah Carey Love herself re-recorded the song in 2023 as a duet with Cher.
  • Speaking of Cher, she released the first Christmas album of her 60-year singing career in 2023, with the single "DJ Play a Christmas Song" topping the Adult Contemporary charts and giving the artist a #1 single on at least one Billboard chart in seven consecutive decades.
  • O Tannenbaum, also known as "O Christmas Tree" in English. Shares its melody with the official state song of Maryland.
  • Silent Night - written in Austria on Christmas eve of 1818, has one of the most recognized melodies in world.
  • Franz Schubert's version of Ave Maria.
  • "What Child Is This", set to the tune of the (non-Christmas) folk song "Greensleeves".
  • "O Come All Ye Faithful"
  • "Deck The Halls"
  • "O Holy Night"
  • "God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen" - Some useful trivia: nowhere in the original version do you find the word "ye".
  • Hark The Herald Angels Sing
  • We Wish You A Merry Christmas
  • Good King Wenceslas
  • The First Noel
  • The Holly and the Ivy.
  • "Do You Know How Christmas Trees Are Grown?" from On Her Majesty's Secret Service.
  • One of the few bilingual Christmas songs to regularly get radio airplay, Jose Feliciano's "Feliz Navidad/I want to wish you a Merry Christmas."
  • "Jesus Christ" by Big Star, Alternative Rock's very own Christmas anthem.
  • This Christmas Covered by numerous artists in the 40 years since its release, but NO version is better than the classic original by Donny Hathaway.
  • "Give Love On Christmas Day", recorded by The Temptations, Jackson 5, and Johnny Gill.
  • Run DMC's "Christmas In Hollis." Recorded for a 1985 charity album, it features Run telling the tale of stumbling upon Santa's very full wallet in a city park, and being tempted to keep it—but then he decides to do good by returning it, and is miraculously rewarded:
Cquote1

But I'd never steal from Santa, 'cause that ain't right
So I headed home to mail it back to him that night
But when I got home, I bugged, 'cause under the tree
Was a letter from Santa that said the dough was for me!

Cquote2
  • Anyone else have a soft spot for Twinkle Twinkle Little Me? It's beautiful.
  • "Silent Hill", by Thomas Howard. No relation to the actual Silent Hill.
  • Oddly enough, "When You Wish Upon A Star" is considered a Christmas song in Japan, Finland, Sweden, Norway and Denmark. The star referred to is probably the star that led the Magi.
    • In Scandinavia it's possibly tied to Disney's tv special "From All of Us to All of You", a perennial must-see.
  • The Nutcracker Suite, by Tchaikovsky. Either the straight orchestra version, or various interpretations. Notably, a swing version originally peformed by Les Brown and his Band of Renown, later played by the Brian Setzer Orchestra.
    • There Is also a Jazz Rendition of the whole Suite that was arranged by Duke Ellington and Billy Strayhorn as apart of the album Three Suites that includes a Jazz rendition of Grieg's "Peer Gynt Suite" and "Suite Thursday" his tribute to John Steinbeck. You can hear the whole thing starting here.
  • "Merry Christmas, Darling" by The Carpenters (first released 1970, re-recorded 1978). Borderlines on Glurge (because of the way it's sung more than the lyrics; this is the Carpenters, mind you).
    • While it's Karen and Richard's best known original Christmas song, their 1978 Christmas Portrait album, containing their renditions of various standards, is considered a holiday classic and many of its tracks rotate on all-Christmas radio stations.
  • "Christmas Through Your Eyes" by Gloria Estefan.
  • "Because It's Christmas (For All the Children)" by Barry Manilow.
  • "It's Christmas All Over the World" by Sheena Easton, from Santa Claus: The Movie.
  • Probably worth mentioning here but there is actually a Mariasama ga Miteru Christmas Album. No original songs but several of the seiyuu singing Christmas Carols.
    • If an anime series gets a Christmas album release, you know it's a popular show. Even Pokemon got one, albeit in the U.S., and about half the songs are originals by the English dub's songwriting team and sung by the dub voice actors.
  • "I'll Be Home for Christmas", which debuted during the height of World War II.
  • "Some Children See Him", one of a number of carols written by Alfred Burt. Can be Glurge-ified because of its Anvilicious socio-political message.
  • Coldplay's "Christmas Lights" provides us with yet another example of heartbreak at Christmas.
  • Angels and Airwaves' "Star of Bethlehem". In the album's final release, it was split into two songs: "Star of Bethlehem" and "True Love".
  • "We Need a Little Christmas", written for The Musical version of Auntie Mame.
  • Carbon Leaf's Christmas Child album has several original Christmas and winter-themed songs, including the title song about a child counting down the days left, and "Red Punch, Green Punch" about the type of family Christmas parties you find boring as a child but fondly look back on later.
  • Same Old Lang Syne by Dan Fogelberg is technically a Christmas song, as it mentions that the events of the song happen on Christmas Eve (Probably because the songwriter needed something that rhymed with "sleeve"). The song is actually about a guy who runs into an ex-girlfriend by chance and the two of them spending the evening catching up on what they've been doing since the apparently amiable breakup.
  • Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree. It's a song that gets played all the time on the radio. It also serves for a crazy dance. As if that weren't enough, it made Billboard chart history when Brenda Lee's hit 1958 version reached #1 on the Hot 100 chart in 2023 - 65 years after its release - shattering several records along the way.
  • "Jingle Bell Rock" (usually associated with Bobby Helms, but Brenda Lee did a version of this as well)
  • "March of the Toy Soldiers"
  • "Frosty the Snowman"
  • "The 12 Days of Christmas"
  • "Winter Wonderland"
  • "My Favorite Things", taken from The Sound of Music
  • "It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas"
  • "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year"
  • "I don't want a lot for christmas... there is just one thing I need...". Listen to the radio regularly during December, and you will DEFINITELY hear this song. Along with various others by Carey. She's not called the Queen of Christmas for nothing.
    • When it reached #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 in 2019 (the 19th #1 of Mariah's career, and only the second Christmas song to top the chart in its then 61-year history, the first being "The Chipmunk Song"), it set a record for longest time elapsed between a song's initial release and its first week at #1... a record that was later shattered by the aforementioned "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree."
  • "Guanaguanare ", by Jesus Avila.


Parody/Humorous[]

  • "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer" by Dr. Elmo
    • And the sequel song, "Grandpa's Gonna Sue the Pants Off of Santa"
    • There was... an acoustic blues version of "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer" done by Poe
    • Dr. Elmo also made a 2000 election version - cue the hanging chad jokes.
    • This troper also swears he heard another sequel song: "Please Don't Make Me Play That Grandma Song Again" (That one, I can believe.)
      • You are correct. This troper has it on CD; Dr. Elmo takes the role of a beleaguered radio DJ who is weary of playing that song. The self-deprecating humor (he criticizes his own singing) is brilliant.
    • Da Yoopers did a parody called "Grandpa Got Run Over by a Beer Truck."
    • You know what? He released an entire album this troper had when he was young. Not all of them were specifically sequel songs, but all but one of them were parody songs. It was pre-2000, but it had the other two songs already mentioned. The latter one was sung as a radio request DJ rather than as Dr. Elmo, though.
    • A parody of a parody: "Grandpa Got Runned Over by a John Deere" by Cledus T. Judd. And yes, it's still a Christmas song... sorta.
    • There was also (during the height of their career) a parody song called "New Kids Got Run Over By A Reindeer" ...
  • Most of the Bob Rivers catalogue.
  • Bob Dylan Must Be Santa. Nothing like a good old-fashioned Hanukkah themed Christmas song!
    • And if this doesn't do it for you, the version on the Pokemon Christmas album (yes, there is one) will.
  • Jethro Tull with their whole Christmas Album (though a few almost play it straight, at least in spirit).
    • Also, 'A Christmas Song' one of their earlier songs (reworked on the Christmas Album). Starts off as a traditional carol and then changes theme.
Cquote1

Once in Royal David’s City
Stood a lowly cattle shed,
Where a mother laid her baby.
You’d do well to remember the things He later said.
When you’re stuffing yourselves at the Christmas parties,
You’ll laugh when I tell you to take a running jump.
You’re missing the point I’m sure does not need making;
The Christmas spirit is not what you drink...

Cquote2


Cquote1

...[outro] Hey, Santa, pass that bottle will you?

Cquote2


Cquote1

The four calling birds were a big mistake / for their language was obscene / the five golden rings were completely fake / and they turned my fingers green!

Cquote2
  • The Twelve Pains of Christmas.
  • Thrash band Whiplash has a song called I Hate Christmas, with arguably one of the greatest lines in all of music: "Jingle Bells, I'll see you in Hell!"
  • Rhan Wilson's Altared Christmas series. The gimmick? What if you played Christmas songs in a Darker and Edgier minor key? It's a lot better than it sounds, that's what.
  • You Ain't Getting S*** for Christmas. The song is hilarious when ma "Takes the two fruitcakes and the turkey and throws them out the front window."
  • Ray Stevens has several, including "Xerox Xmas Letter," (an over-the-top Christmas letter for "Nightmare Before Christmas" (where he dreams that a bunch of lawyers take Santa to court for wearing fur, smoking, working only one day a year, etc.).
  • The Jingle Bell Barking Dogs.
    • And their feline counterparts.
  • There is a disturbingly hilarious parody of "Walkin' In A Winter Wonderland" called "Walkin' Round In Women's Underwear", about crossdressing.
    • That's courtesy Bob Rivers, a parodist who basically makes a living off of songs like "Grabbe Yahbalz" ("Grab your balls like Michael Jackson! Fa-la-la-la-la...), "The Restroom Door Said Gentlemen", and, most brilliantly, "O Little Town of Bethlehem" set to the tune of "The House of the Rising Sun", with a pretty good Dylan impersonation.
  • And let's not forget "Monster Holiday", the Christmas-themed sequel to "The Monster Mash".
  • ACDC gives us "Mistress for Christmas", which (as one might have guessed from an AC/DC song) is less about the "Christmas" part and more about the "Mistress" part.
  • "Please Santa Claus" by Anna Russell.
  • The 12 Guido Days of Christmas.
  • "No More Christmas Singles", the Spitting Image... er... Christmas Single.
Cquote1

No more Christmas singles
They're worse than any war
If we hear Aled Jones again
We'll throw up on the floor

Cquote2
  • The entire Oi to the World album by the Vandals, but especially "My First Christmas As a Woman".
  • "Elf's Lament" by Barenaked Ladies and featuring Michael Buble.
  • This commercial for (the fake) "The Sharks A Capella Holiday Album". It manages not only to make fun of and lampshade holiday songs and albums, but also the commercials that are used to peddle them as well.
Cquote1

Announcer: Yes, vocal tones so unique and distinctive, only your dog can truly appreciate them!

Cquote2
  • The Twelve Days of Christmas with Doug and Bob McKenzie, aka The Canadian Twelve Days of Christmas.
Cquote1

On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: 5 GOLDEN TOQUES!
...and a beer.
...in a treeeeee...

Cquote2
  • Then there's the John Denver and The Muppets version of "The Twelve Days of Christmas," famous for Miss Piggy going Large Ham (pun intended) on her "Fiiiive.... gooold... riiiiings" solo. Oh, and Beaker's line.
    • From the same album, their version of "We Wish You a Merry Christmas."
Cquote1

Gonzo: [singing] Now bring us some figgy pudding, now...
Miss Piggy: PIGGY pudding?!
Gonzo: No, FIGGY pudding. It's made with figs.
Miss Piggy: Oh.
Gonzo: ...and bacon.
Miss Piggy: WHAT?!?

Cquote2
  • I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus, by Stand Still.
  • Make A Daft Noise For Christmas and Father Christmas Do Not Touch Me (about "a most immoral Santa") by The Goodies.
  • Hark, how the WAA all seem to WAA, joining in rhyme. WALUIGI TIME!
  • 1960s garage-rock band The Sonics did "Don't Believe in Christmas", airing typical holiday disappointments to the tune of Chuck Berry's "Too Much Monkey Business".
  • "You're A Mean One, Mr. Grinch"
  • Kip Addotta's I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus. It's actually Mommy in disguise.
  • The Venezuelan song' "Tun-tun ", about a grouchy Scrooge type complaining about all the people celebrating outside and disrupting his sleep. It includes the verse (translated) "If the Kid[1] has born/ then you go to Bethelem/ and me, from my bed/I'll give you my bless".
  • Comedy Choral group Folie Vergue Takititá have a very funny set of parodies of popular Christmas songs that gets updated every year. It includes an awesomely dirty version [dead link] of the "Rudolph the Red-noised Reindeer" song, where turns out that Rudolphs's problem is very tiny.
  • The comedy group Medioevo have "Mi Alegre Parrandón ", a parody of the typical cutesy spunky carol by Los Tucusitos and similar children groups, where the "kid" singing ask for such gifts as anticonceptives for her sister (also a second hand bike "so her boss don't have to bring her in the early morning"), a battery radio and a number of personal effects for "[her] brother who is so innocent]" who is now in the Model Prison, and a grill and a big jar of Adobo for her mom to help her with her skewers-selling stall near the Universitary Stadium. It ends with the "kid" having to be forcibly shut up while giving her Long List of wanted Christmas gifts, so the chorus can wrap up the song. Have a Vocaloid version !
  • "The Season's Upon Us" by Dropkick Murphys.

Glurge-laden[]

These are very much YMMV. One person's Glurge is another person's Crowning Moment of Heartwarming. Please don't natter about how you disagree with an entry.

  • The "Coventry Carol" is probably the oldest of these songs. It was originally part of a stage play written in the 16th century; the song is essentially about the Massacre Of The Innocents that takes place after the birth of Jesus.
  • And that old classic, I Want A Hippopotamus for Christmas. It sounds like a funny parody, except that hippos are one of the most aggressive and dangerous animals on the planet. Not so funny anymore, is it?
  • "There's No One Quite Like Grandma (Grandma, We Love You)" by the St. Winnifreds Girls' School Choir went to No.1 in the UK.
    • It's not even the strangest thing to have got to No.1 in this country. Our charts are weird.
  • "Granddad" with Clive Dunn likewise.
  • "River" by Joni Mitchell.
  • Almost every song about New Year's Eve, although not directly related with Christmas, but in some countries begins to air about the same time. The glurgiest one is "Faltan Cinco Pa' Las Doce", whenever is the Jose Luis Rodiguez's version or the original one by Nestor Zavarce, who in Venezuela is ritually broadcast into any radial New Year Countdown ever.
  • "Christmas Shoes", the only mainstream radio hit by Christian pop group Newsong (Adult Contemporary #1), is a story told by a man who was griping about the shopping crunch, reminded of the True Meaning of Christmas by an extremely poor little boy trying to gather enough change pennies to buy shoes for his mother who might very well die on Christmas Eve. Not only glurgy, but also highly manipulative and depressing.
Cquote1

Little boy: Daddy says there's not much time / You see, she's been sick for quite a while
 And I know these shoes will make her smile / And I want her to look beautiful / If Mama meets Jesus tonight.

Cquote2
    • There is also a good chunk of possible Values Dissonance; in at the end of the song the narrator concludes that God arranged the whole thing, tragedy included, to teach him the true meaning of Christmas.
    • Also the assumption that Jacob Marley Apparel is in effect and that Jesus is shallow enough to care. Oh, and let's not forget that the poor kid is not only about to lose his mother, but blow the last of his cash just to make her smile one last time when he's going to sorely need it to help keep himself alive very soon.
    • Thankfully, the song is not as ubiquitous on all-Christmas radio stations as it once was, and is now reviled by many as one of the worst Christmas songs of all time.
  • "Grown-Up Christmas List", originally performed by Natalie Cole and David Foster but a favorite of cheesy, melisma-loving pop singers everywhere. Amy Grant wrote an additional verse for her 1992 version which has since become canon.
  • "Happy Birthday, Jesus" by The Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir. Starts out as a cheesy version of the standard Happy Birthday song, and by the time it gets to the lyric "I'm so glad it's Christmas / All the tinsel and lights / And the presents are nice / But the real gift is you" you will probably want to kill.
    • It's usually performed at Christmas concerts by the absolute youngest member of any given choir, too. So imagine those lyrics sung in a wavering, high-pitched falsetto to get the full effect.
      • Another "Happy Birthday, Jesus" was recorded in 1959 by an intolerably sweet moppet called Little Cindy. She was a child evangelist apparently, with a godawful (fake?) Southern accent: "She said you was so awful good/ And then she made me crah/ She said they nailed you to the cross/ They wanted you to dah." It was recently re-issued by John Waters in a compilation album of bad Xmas recordings.
      • And yet another version of "Happy Birthday, Jesus" features an insufferable little boy gaily singing about how he got only one gift that year, his mother's aforementioned song.
  • Another one for the pile: "Merry Christmas" by the Christian band Third Day.
  • "Christmas in the Northwest" by Brenda White. This troper's from Seattle, and cannot go the Christmas season without hearing this song. "Christmas in the northwest / is a gift God wrapped in green!" Gag.
  • "Christmastime in Arkansas Again". A syrupy-sweet reflection about Christmas and an unashamed tribute to the state of Arkansas, with a locally famous weatherman named Ned Perme on piano.
  • "The Cat Carol". Sweet Jesus, "The Cat Carol".
  • "Ven a mi casa esta Navidad " by Luis Aguile, about the singer offering a friend away from their family to spend Christmas with him and his family, fits somewhere between Glurge and Tear Jerker. Most singers covering this song go with glurgey.


Other[]

  • "I Hate Christmas Parties" by Relient K. It's about as cheery as it sounds.
  • "Red Water (Christmas Mourning)" by Type O Negative is a dirge-like remembrance of people in the singer's family who've died in the last year. It may be the single most depressing Christmas song ever.
  • "Yule Shoot Your Eye Out" by Fall Out Boy. Contains lyrics such as 'Merry Christmas, I could care less' and 'all I want this year is for you to dedicate your last breath to me, before you bury yourself alive.'
  • "Santa Stole My Girlfriend" by The Maine. The title is pretty self-explanatory. Chorus calls Santa an obscene name.
  • O Holy Crap. Good lord, good lord.
  • Jackson Browne's "The Rebel Jesus", originally recorded with Irish folk group The Chieftains for their Christmas album The Bells of Dublin, and then again as a solo version. Listen to the original here and the remake here.
    • Speaking of that Chieftains album, it also includes a hilarious collaboration with Elvis Costello called "St. Stephan's Day Murders". Christmas is over, and a few members of the family have had it with holiday cheer.
  • The Nostalgia Chick did a countdown of the Top Ten Most Disturbing And Inescapable Christmas Songs. With all the Glurge and creepy messages the titular songs featured, it's probably no wonder that she filled it with Dead Baby Comedy and horrific imagery.
  • Pictured above: The Star Wars album Christmas in the Stars, which is not quite as infamous as the Star Wars Holiday Special but comparably misconceived (at least they don't sing about "Life Day" here). It featured the voices of Anthony Daniels and, on "R2-D2 We Wish You A Merry Christmas," an 18-year-old named John Bongiovi.
  • "White Wine in the Sun" by Tim Minchin is not exactly a parody, and not entirely straight, and not at all religious Christmas song. It's also an absolute tearjerker.
  • Dar Williams' "The Christians and the Pagans" depicts a pair of neo-pagan (and quite possibly lesbian) women spending Christmas Eve with one's devoutly Christian uncle and his family, and how they're able to overcome their respective cultural differences and enjoy the season together. It leavens its moral message with gentle humor, and is a genuinely great song.
  • In Venezuela, Gaitas Zulianas are often lumped with other Christmas songs, despite most of the songs that are not about partying, how great singing Gaita is or current issues are about either Our Lady of Chinquinquirá (November 18), San Benito de Palermo (December 27), and New Year's Eve.
  1. ↑ Baby Jesus, the traditional gift bringer in Venezuela
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