Farm-Fresh balanceYMMVTransmit blueRadarWikEd fancyquotesQuotes • (Emoticon happyFunnyHeartHeartwarmingSilk award star gold 3Awesome) • RefridgeratorFridgeGroupCharactersScript editFanfic RecsSkull0Nightmare FuelRsz 1rsz 2rsz 1shout-out iconShout OutMagnifierPlotGota iconoTear JerkerBug-silkHeadscratchersHelpTriviaWMGFilmRoll-smallRecapRainbowHo YayPhoto linkImage LinksNyan-Cat-OriginalMemesHaiku-wide-iconHaikuLaconicLibrary science symbol SourceSetting

Tons of them.

  • Diane's ballet tape. We never actually get to see the video, but the reaction by the gang at Cheers is hysterical.

 Diane: All my life I always wanted to dance so badly.

Norm: (barely able to keep from bursting out laughing) Looks like you got your wish!

  • How about Frasier and Lilith's "debate" back in season 5?
  • Freddie Crane's first word. "NORM!"
  • "Who are three people who have never been in my kitchen?"
  • Sam's complete breakdown during the last act of "Bad Neighbor Sam".
  • Sam and Diane's "almost" wedding: shot from over the minister's shoulder, showing all the money being passed around behind Sam and Diane to pay off bets whether they would or not.
  • Eddie LeBec discovers Carla's pregnant with twins: "This is the happiest night of my life!"
  • Frasier: So you're saying I'm redundant? I repeat myself? I say the same thing over and over again?
  • Any and all of Diane's putdowns on Sam's love life.

 Sam: That's the girl. Claudia's been a tough nut to crack, but tonight's the night she's going to be enjoying all the rides in Sammy's Magic Kingdom.

Diane: She's in for a Mickey Mouse evening with Goofy as her guide.

  • Cliffy's Big Score is a classic episode. Especially when Carla meets her date, Lucas.

 Lucas: (mumbles something incoherently)

Carla: What did he say?

Norm: I can't believe it matters.

    • Carla sums it up:

 Carla: Well, I can see this is going to be a laugh a minute. An evening with the Stick, the Nerd, and Door Number Three.

    • The funniest part is that Carla finds Lucas is a "real groove" when all they do all night is have sex in the back of Cliff's car.
  • On Cliff getting Maggie pregnant:

 Paul: So, you're gonna have a baby. Are you going to go through Lamaze, or is the baby just going to burst through her chest?

    • Also Frasier's take:

 Frasier: Well, from our "Things You Never Thought You'd Hear" category: That woman is carrying Cliff's child.

  • Any and all of the stories about Woody's family.

 Woody: My uncle Wayne was a master at putting women in the romantic mood.

Sam: What did he do?

Woody: Gave them money. Worked like a charm.


 Time to rap about a contr-o-versy,

Gonna take a stand, won't show no mercy,

Lotta folks says jocks shouldn't be,

Doing the sports news on TV,

But I don't want to get the latest scores,

From a buncha broadcast (Beat) school boys,

So get your scores from a guy like me,

Who knows what it's like to have a groin in-jur-y,

G-g-g, groin-n, in-in-in, groin, in-in, groin in-jur-y

    • The funniest part? Woody loves it.
      • Of course, Sam takes the badness Up to Eleven by bringing a ventriloquist dummy on his next outing. It's so bad, Carla exclaims, "Oh. My. God." and Rebecca mutters, "If he mentions the bar, he's fired."
  • Almost every cold opening. Some favorites include:
    • Everyone in the bar stuck in the men's room. Then someone tries to use it, and everyone shouts "Occupied!"
    • Norm trying to explain economics to Woody by tearing up one of Cliff's dollar bills. Carla then decides to do it with a $20 bill.
    • Woody, cleaning up, listens to an ad for a stenographers' school on the radio. He tries to write the phone number, but can't, and goes back on to listening.
  • "The Days of Wine and Neuroses" begins with most of the regulars complaining about the jukebox being taken out for repairs and how its replacement, a karaoke machine, is not something they could ever imagine using. Frasier spends the entire scene loudly protesting that they never used the jukebox in the first place.
  • A real-life example during a Q&A with cast and crew members sometime after a bridge was dropped on Eddie. Jay Thomas popped up and asked in front of the audience, "Yeah, why did I die?" The audience erupted into laughter as a result. May double as a CMOA depending on your point-of-view on the whole thing.
  • This exchange:

 Frasier: Even the abstract concept of death is absurd. A pale bony figure coming up to tap you on the shoulder when your time is come.

Lilith: (taps him on the shoulder) Time to go, Frasier.

Frasier: AAAAH!

  • In one episode, Woody gets a part in the play Hair- only to learn part of it traditionally involves being naked on-stage. Throughout the episode, he's nervous over the prospect and tries to muster the courage to do it. Later after the first performance, an embarrassed Woody returns to the bar. He did get naked on-stage - even ripping his clothes right off... before the aforementioned scene actually happened.

 Woody: As if that wasn't bad enough, I heard this high-pitched scream from the audience: "Hey look, he's the only one who's naked!"

Norm: Sorry, Woody. It took me by surprise.


 Norm: I don't get it. Start of the cartoon, Casper has no friends. End of the cartoon, he has friends. Start of the next cartoon, he has no friends again. What happened?

Cliff: I think it's obvious what happened. Casper was quenching his thirst for blood.


 Moe: She left to pursue a movie career. Frankly, I think she was better off here.

  • Frasier's adaptation of "A Tale Of Two Cities" to the bar.
  • In an early episode, after the Red Sox lose again, Carla gets on a bar stool and announces that she is no longer a Red Sox fan, and everyone else in the bar says the rant alongside her, showing that she had said it multiple times.

 Carla: May I have your attention, please? I have an announcement to make. As of right now...

Everyone along with Carla: Carla Tortelli is no longer a Red Sox fan. No, no, really! I mean it this time! Now stop that, okay?!

Carla: Have I said that before?

  • Rebecca is trying to buy the bar from Sam. Meanwhile, the bar is out of vermouth and Sam keeps dropping hints.

 Rebecca: I'm prepared to offer you $25,000 in cash.

Sam: How about $15,000 ub cash and $10,000 in VERMOUTH ?


 Diane: Wait a minute. Don't say that it's not the answer until you've tried it [meditation].

Sam: Diane...

Diane: Excuse me. My name is Diane and I have done this for years. I'll tell you I would be happy to teach you how to do it.

Rick: Well, Diane, this is very kind of you but I don't think...

Diane: No, no no. Please do me the favor of trying it with me.

Rick: (To Sam) Is she serious?

Sam: Oh yes. She's serious. She does it all the time. She just said so.

Diane: That's right.

Rick: (pointing to Sam and Diane) Do you...?

Diane: Are you kidding? Him? He would just make jokes.

Rick: Well okay then. Okay! What time is good for you?

Diane: Well personally I like to get at least half an hour of it in before breakfast. But look anytime is alright with me.

Rick: Golly I like you.

Diane: You know there is something so beautiful about experiencing it outdoors.

Rick: Don't people stare at you?

Diane: Yes, sometimes but they end up learning something. Sometimes people even join in. You know all this talk had gotten me so excited. Hell let's do it now!

Rick: Outside?

Diane: Oh oh no, it's a little cold and I prefer to take my shoes off. Um, Sam could we use your office?

Sam: Wait a minute. I'm sorry I let this go too far.

Diane: (while walking with Rick to the office) No no, we don't need to hear from Mr. Skeptic. Rick here is after something and I can show him where it is.

(They go in Sam's office. Beat. Slap!)

  • In the series finale, when Rebecca keeps neurotically changing her mind about whether Fraiser should call back her plumber boyfriend/fiancee. Fraiser finally gets fed up, throws open the door and theatrically shouts: "Run, Don! Run like the wind!"
Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.