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Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992)
"Excuse me for not knowing where El Salvador is. Like I'm ever going to Spain, anyway."—Buffy
"Great. My secret weapon is PMS."—Buffy
Buffy's Mom: Bye-bye, Bobby.
Jeffery: Bye! (to Buffy) She thinks my name's Bobby?
Buffy: It's possible she thinks my name's Bobby.
"I don't believe this! The world is under attack by legions of the undead, and you're going to a mixer?!?"—Pike
"I've got something none of the other girls had.""Merrick — you made a joke! Are you okay? I mean, do you wanna lie down? I know it hurts the first time."
"And what's that?"
"My keen fashion sense."
"Oh, vampires of the world, beware."
—Buffy and Merrick
"I'm the Chosen One, and I choose to be shopping."—Buffy
"C'mon, Pike! Join me! Live forever! We can start a band!"—Benny
""They had fangs. They were biting people. They had this look in their eyes — totally cold. Animal. I think they were Young Republicans."—Andy
"I have detention slips here, and I'm not afraid to use them!"—Gary Murray to horde of vampires attacking the school gym
(while dying) "You do everything wrong.""...No. Do it wrong. Don't play our game."
"Sorry. I take it back."
—Buffy and Merrick
"We're immortal. We can do anything."
"Oh yeah? Clap."
Amilyn and Buffy
"I crashed your party.""Yeah well, I'm pretty shallow. Would I get my ass kicked if I asked you to dance?"
—Pike and Buffy
The TV series
"I don't like vampires. I'm gonna take a stand and say they're not good."—Xander
"Let me be sure I have this right - this witch is casting horrible and disfiguring spells... so that she can become a cheerleader?"—Giles
"The part that gets me, though, is where Buffy is the Vampire Slayer. She's so little."—Miss Calender
Bunnies aren't just cute like everybody supposesWhat do they need such good eyesight for anyway~? ♪
They've got them hoppy legs and twitchy little noses
And what's with all the carrots?
(to Buffy) "So Angel has decided to step up his harassment of you.""By sneaking in her room and leaving stuff at night? Why doesn't he just slit her throat or strangle her while she's sleeping or cut her heart out? (off everyone's looks) What, I'm trying to help."
—Giles and Cordelia
"You die, and a demon sets up shop in your old house, and it walks, and it talks, and it remembers your life, but it's not you."—Buffy
"'I aspire to help my fellow man.' Check. --As long as he's not smelly, dirty or something gross.""Which, lucky me, excludes you. Twice."
"Cordelia Chase, always ready to give a helping hand to the rich and the pretty.
—Cordelia and Xander
"Goody! Research party!""Will, you need a life in the worst way."
—Willow and Xander
"Yes, let's not jump to conclusions.""I didn't jump. I took a tiny step and there conclusions were."
—Giles and Buffy
"I'm not ashamed. It's the computer age. Nerds are in. They're still in, right?"—Willow
"Well, I sort of test well, you know, which is cool. Except that it leads to jobs."—Oz
Kendra: I study because it is required. The Slayer handbook insists on it.
Willow: There's a Slayer handbook?
Buffy: Wait. Handbook? What handbook? How come I don't have a handbook?
Willow: Is there a T-shirt, too? 'Cause that would be cool...
Giles: After meeting you, Buffy, I realized that, uh, the handbook would be of no use in your case.
Buffy: Well, what do you mean it would be of no use in my case? Wha-what's wrong with my case??
"I'd rather be worm food than look at your pathetic face!""We so need to get outta here."
"Then go! I'm not stopping ya."
"I bet you wouldn't! I bet you'd let a girl go off to her doom all by herself!"
"Not just any girl. You're special.
"I can't believe that I'm stuck spending what will probably be my last few moments on Earth here WITH YOU!"
"I hope these are my last few moments! Three more seconds with you, and I'm gonna..."
(gets in his face) "'I'm gonna' what? Coward!"
"I hate you!
"I HATE YOU!"
(they start kissing each other madly)
—Cordelia and Xander
"Oh, yeah, yeah! E-flat, diminished ninth." "Huh?" "Well, the E-flat, it's, it's doable, but that diminished ninth, y'know, it's a man's chord. You could lose a finger."
Oz and Willow
"There are no dead students here. This week."—Principal Snyder
"I don't take orders. I do things my way.""No wonder you died."
—Buffy and Kendra
"I mean, people are perfectly happy getting along, and then vampires come, and they run around and they kill people, and they take over your whole house and start making these stupid little mini-pizzas. Now I like a mini-pizza, but I'm telling you...""Uh, Buffy! I believe the subtext here is rapidly becoming, uh... text."
—Buffy and Giles
"I'm going to kill them all. That ought to distract them."—Buffy
"You're a vampire. Oh, I'm sorry. Was that an offensive term? Should I say undead American?"—Buffy
"I can walk like a man but I'm not one."—Angel
"When Giles sends me on a mission, he says "please." And afterwards I get a cookie."—Buffy
"Angel is a good vampire! I mean, on a scale of one to ten, ten being someone who's killing and maiming every night, and one being someone who's not."—Willow
"What a day. Gimme a beer."[sighs] "Gimme a Coke."
[Anya glares at him]
"I'M ELEVEN HUNDRED AND TWENTY YEARS OLD, just gimme a frickin' beer!"
—Anya and a bartender
"Hi, for those of you who just tuned in, everyone here is a crazy person."—Xander
"Whatever happened to Latin? At least when that made no sense, the church approved."—Giles
"Have I ever let you down?""Do you want me to answer that, or shall I just glare?"
—Buffy and Giles
"We're out of Wheat-a-Bix.""Since the picture you just painted means that I will never touch food of any kind again, you'll just have to pick it up yourself."
"We are out of Wheat-a-Bix because you ate it all. Again."
"Get some more."
"I thought vampires were supposed to eat blood."
"Yeah, well, sometimes I like to crumble up the Wheat-a-Bix in the blood. Gives it a little texture."
—Spike and Giles
"And they say that young people don't learn anything in high school nowadays, but I've learned to be afraid."—Xander
"I have witnessed a millennium of treachery and oppression from the males of the species, and I have nothing but contempt for the whole libidinous lot of them.""I don't have a date for the prom."
"Then why are you talking to me?"
—Anya and Xander
"Grave robbery? That's new. Interesting.""Yes, yes, yes, of course. Terrible thing. Must put a stop to it. Damn it."
"I know you meant to say gross and disturbing."
—Giles and Buffy
"Eww! Why is it that every conversation you people have has the word "corpse" in it?"—Cordelia
"I've never actually heard of anyone attacked by a lone baseball bat before.""Maybe it's a vampire bat? [beat] I'm low on that one, huh?"
—Giles and Xander
"A bear! You MADE A BEAR!""UNDO IT! UNDO IT!"
"I didn't mean to!"
—Spike and Buffy
"What are you doing here, Spike? Five words or less!""Out. For. A. Walk. [beat] Bitch."
—Buffy and Spike