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 Narrator: "Why does sex lead to such violence and hypocrisy over matters that are no more than a tempest in a teapot?"

Oancitizen: "Because sex, for human beings, is a high risk, high stakes game that provides not only the problems of physical satisfaction and emotional security, but also the promise that your DNA will be passed on to another generation. It is because of these high stakes that it has become such a competitive enterprise, and the reason society has so many taboos, regulations and passions surrounding it. There, I solved your movie you insensitive asshat."

    • The crowning moment, though, comes at the end.

 Oancitizen: "Jean-Claude Brisseau makes an erotic thriller by asking women to masturbate on camera for him. He gets punished for it. So he decides to make a film exploring his feelings about it. Okay, makes sense, tough time in his life, probably wanted to think it through for a while. But then he makes a movie, full of male fantasy porn for which he definitely harassed even more actresses, to answer questions about why this situation arose. And after all that soft-core soul searching, the answer Brisseau gives boils down to 'It's not my fault they love me so much. I just exude this warm charm that makes them open up and get all emotional and'...gah! You know, I don't know if anyone in this film is meant to be sympathetic, but it's certainly not this man who took his very real and very valid accusations of sexual harassment and turned them into a masturbatory fantasy. Jean-Claude Brisseau...fuck you."

 Coldguy: Guys, I think we've just been served.

    • "Dance Magic, Dance."
      • Extra points for every shot of Kyle in that sequence matching exactly to every angle & pose Jareth had in the original.
  • In his review of The Doom Generation, Oancitizen managed to get 90's Kid to shut up/leave by saying THIS:

 Oancitizen: Nirvana is directly responsible for allowing Nickelback to exist!

  • His opening speech to his review of 9 Songs. While also a Crowning Moment of Funny, it is all recited so fast and so nonchalantly, it's impressive. Shocking, but very VERY impressive.
  • A somewhat meta example, but it was quite impressive when he managed to make an analytical and even pretty fair review of A Serbian Film, despite said movie being infamous for its horrific, disturbing content that previous reviewers have understandably deemed, as Kyle himself put it, "unsavory". Granted, it doesn't last, but still! (For comparison's sake, A Serbian Film reduced Phelous to Unstoppable Rage, and Brad Jones's out-of-character review was one of bemused, horrified disgust, urging people not to see it at all.)
  • This FormSpring Response.
  • In a meta sense, when he reviewed Slacker, he did it in the best way possible: phoning it in.
  • Angels in America. A serious review done with complete sincerity, only two or three minor jokes thrown in to lighten the mood, all in an effort to honor the victims of AIDS. His closing remarks alone are enough to make you tear up a little:

 "For World's AIDS Day, we have to remember those who have fallen. The world only spins forward, and they will be citizens. The time has come. Bye, now. You are fabulous each and every one of you and I bless you. More life. The great work begins."

  • He opens the Holiday Special Greetings with a One-man quartet choir in perfect harmony.
  • He won the Golden Critic for Best Writing. In the same award show he was nominated in Best Episode for Man Who Fell To Earth but lost to James Rolfe.
  • The Ghost Dog review. Oancitizen. Rapping. While The Rap Critic facepalms in the background.

  Eh. Two out of five.

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