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 Doctor: Hrrrt, zubbit, zubbit. Gidge-uh-gidge-uh-gidge-uh, ca-caw! Ca-caw!--

Skagra: Doctor...

Doctor: Hold on, here's the good stuff. Nuganuga, Hwah, hwah -- Of course you realise, I'm paraphrasing.

Skagra: Doctor...

Doctor: Skagra, you realise this book doesn't make one bit of sense?

Skagra: Doctor, a fool would realise that this book was written in code!

Doctor: Skagra!!

Skagra: WHAT?

Doctor: This book's written in code!

Skagra: *Face Palm*

    • Also from the same audiobook but this time with illustrations by Twirlynoodle.

 SKAGRA: Give me the book.

DOCTOR: What book?

SKAGRA: The small green one, in your pocket, there.

DOCTOR: Oh, you mean this book. No, I'm sorry, I can't.

  • In another Big Finish audio, "The Time of the Daleks", the Eighth Doctor tries describing the Dalek mutants to his newest female companion, Charley Pollard:

 Doctor: Think of your worst nightmare, think of the most repellent disgusting nauseating thing you can possibly imagine, think of pure evil made malignant flesh!

Charley: Is that what it's like?

Doctor: No, it's a thousand times worse.

    • Keep in mind this is also the one with Shakespeare-quoting Daleks.
    • Eight and the ROSM Robot's interactions in "Embrace The Darkness" add quite a bit of levity to what is otherwise a rather disturbing audio:

 ROSM: Do you have any other information?

Doctor: What's this, idle curiosity?

ROSM: Please answer the question.

Doctor: Uh... I... have no... bananas... today.

ROSM: In the absence of an intelligible response, I shall proceed.

  • In "Invaders from Mars" when the Doctor finds himself replacing a 30s gumshoe and runs with it:

 Doctor: So, Miss Bee, what's the rumpus? You cracking foxy with me, or is you in trouble with the bricks? They gonna drag you down to the hole because some guy got shot through the pump with a heater?

Charley: Are you all right?

    • The best part of that story, set around the time of Orson Welles's infamous broadcast of The War of the Worlds, is when, during a confrontation between The Doctor, a gangster (Don Cheney), a russian spy and a gossip columnist (It Makes Sense in Context) about who has custody of the aliens that have crash landed on earth, one of Cheney's henchmen come running up to him, having heard the broadcast:

 Henchman: Boss! They're here! The aliens! They've landed!



    • There's also a really funny bit when the two aliens, Destroyer Streath and Conserver Noriam, sheepishly admit that they're not really the vanguard of an invasion fleet (it's more in the delivery than anything else):

 Noriam: Oh be quiet, Streath; we can't destroy anything and you know it. We... we... haven't got the... firepower.

 Doctor: But I have to go! The fate of the entire universe is at stake!

Angvia: The Universe can WAIT! I AM A WOMAN!!

    • Even better is that she's voiced by Patricia Quinn, who played Magenta in The Rocky Horror Picture Show, and she used the exact same voice in both roles.
    • Another highlight of that story has to be the Doctor winning the Intergalactic Song Contest... by playing the spoons.
  • The entirety of the Big Finish audio Omega is one big CMoF. Everyone gets to ham it up, but the prize goes to Daland, an in-story Large Ham who proudly tells anyone who'll listen how he won three awards acting in a soap opera on channel 3084 before taking a starring role as Omega as part of a cheesy reenactment for a Time Lord history tour for old ladies.

 Professor Ertikus: "There's something I've been meaning to ask you. Why are you here on this ship? I thought that the Doctor and I-"

Daland: "Oh we're just here to conduct the marriage ceremony."

Ertikus: "What? Marriage?"

Daland: "Oh, didn't you know? That's why we're here. Sentia's getting married to the ghost of Omega and they're setting up house in a world of antimatter."

Ertikus: "Oh really?"

Daland: "I suppose I should look on the bright side. It saves me buying them a toaster."

    • The Doctor gets a great moment where he verbally pwns an obnoxious bookstore-bot that nags him into buying a copy of Omega's biography:

 Doctor: You, my metal friend, are an electronic mugging machine.

Robot: Would you like to consider other related titles, sir?

Doctor: No, I think 'electronic mugging machine' will quite suffice.

    • It's one big CMOA and CMOF...Ending of part 3 blew this troper's mind. Did NOT see that coming.
  • Horror of Glam Rock is a pretty funny Eight audio in general, but special props go to an exchange between the Doctor and Lucie. She wonders if there's something wrong with her, that she could still be hungry while people are being torn to pieces outside. He assures her it's perfectly okay...then steals her donut.
  • In The One Doctor: Trans-dimensional shelving, the Portaloo STARDIS, and absolutely everything about the Jelloid, just for starters.
    • Don't forget the end, where the Doctor convinces the Big Bad that he's actually the conman Banto Zame, and vice versa... by making out with Banto's accomplice Sally Ann.

 Doctor: Well, if I was the Doctor, I would certainly never do....THIS! [grabs Sally Ann and kisses her passionately]

Big Bad: [Absolutely stunned] Noooo. No. The Doctor certainly wouldn't do that.

      • There's also the story-long insult match between Banto and the Doctor. Culminating in Banto's immortal line:

 Doctor: If I have to endure another insult-

Banto: Oh here we go, another voyage 'round the english language!


      • The bit where Banto Zame, Sally-Ann, the Doctor, and Mel all have to take off in Banto's fake time machine, the STARDIS... which is decidedly not Bigger on the Inside, and dematerialises with a toilet-flush version of the TARDIS's vworp-wvorp.
  • Another Big Finish adventure, Davros, where the Sixth Doctor and some friends have snuck into a restricted hangar, aware that some foul play is afoot, and observing a shuttle being unloaded from behind some crates, talking in hushed whispers...

 Doctor: Kim, can you see what's happening?

Kim: They're unloading's horrible!

Doctor: Shhhhh!! Don't raise your voice!

Kim: It's a body. A mutilated body.

Doctor: Let me have a look...DAVROS?!?! [running out of cover] Oi! You there! You! There!

    • Davros gets a moment which, in this troper's opinion, is right up there with "Here! Come! The drums!" in terms of funny and awesome. Davros has trapped the Doctor in a cave with a nuclear bomb in it. The bomb has a speaker wired into it. Why, you may ask? So that Davros can hammily taunt the Doctor before he gets nuked.

 Davros: Goodbye, Doctor. I shall... miss you. [snickers] but then... a nuclear bomb [chuckles] -- that couldn't possibly miss! {{[[[Evil Laugh]] full-tilt psychotic cackling}}] NOT AT THAT RANGE! AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHH!!!

    • There's also a great bit where he's working himself up into his usual state trying to get his new pals to stop the Doctor from interfering with his plans, but at the same time trying to keep his Civilian Villain cover in place as much as possible. Leads to a marvellous Last-Second Word Swap:

 Davros: The Doctor is dangerous! HE-SHOULD-BE-- ... [Almost chokes on the word] ... in-car-cerated.

  • Pretty much the entirety of Loups-Garoux goes between CMOF and Ho Yay. But the crowning moment has to be the marriage cliffhanger.
    • Goat Chop and Celery.
  • The Kingmaker has its moments. The mental image of a procession of curious time travellers pestering and paparazzi'ng the infamous Richard III throughout his life has to top it though.
    • "I'm a correspondent from the 'Good Cell Guide' and I haven't enjoyed my stay at all. I'm awarding you four out of five slop buckets."
    • "I will be your serving wench for this evening. Would you prefer to sit in carousing or non-carousing?"
  • The Gathering. Tegan force-feeds the Doctor his own lapel celery.
  • The completely insane fake trailer at the start of Jubilee. Snickering Daleks, Evelyn "Hot-Lips" Smythe, and action!Doctor with a BFG? Oh, boy.

 Doctor: Daleks. [[[Dramatic Gun Cock]]] I hate these guys.


  • In Orbis, Eight has been stranded with a broken TARDIS for six hundred years, and is (again) suffering from amnesia. Another time traveler grabs his former companion Lucie, thinking to use her as leverage against him, but he's forgotten who she is--which, given that she thought he was dead and has spent the last six months mourning him, does not go over well. Her response? Bitchslap him while spelling her name out letter by letter. It works.
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